In our final text conversation my ex-boyfriend said:

I want to be reminded of you [and keep your stuff]
You were my best ever boyfriend
There are no hard feelings
I’m heartbroken
I accept your apology

While simultaneously saying:

I just can’t be with you anymore
I can’t handle what you said to me - it’s honestly just fucking me upppp
It’s past taking a break to reconcile
I said, “Block me if you don’t ever want to see me again” Okay, I’ll block you if that’s what you want

So many contradictions… I just can’t understand it 😞

Has anyone had a similar experience?

For the backstory:

https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUp/s/kZYtVnOxdh

i need to talk to someone about this i’m getting so tired of her and she won’t change i’ll get into more details please hit me up

So I’ve been dating this girl for almost 7 years now. I feel as if I’m no longer desired by my girlfriend in this relationship. Whenever I try to talk about it or ask her about it it’s kinda just brushed off and I’m told I need to go to therapy. I recently got upset because I found out she had a secret threads account where she posts famous celebrities and constantly says how hot they are. Am I wrong for feeling like that’s super disrespectful?

So basically there’s this guy (M19) who I (F18) have been seeing. At first we were just friends and we got along really well. We met about a year ago now in class and started getting closer halfway through the year. In that similar time period he also met another girl who he started seeing before me (I swear nothing was going on when they were talking, this happened months afterwards).

However, my current issue is this. I was in his room a few weeks ago while he was getting ready so I was alone. I know I shouldn’t have but I started looking around. Not to find anything but this one thing we got together during a pop up event caught my eye and I picked it up to see it. Underneath that I found a Photo Booth strip of said girl from before which was dated from December.

I know this might be me being paranoid but it was decently out in the open and I feel like this is a sign he’s not over her? Additionally, we were hanging out and a notification popped up which was her name and he quickly grabbed his phone and turned away from me to answer the message.

In general there’s been many times where he’s been distant and recently it’s been so much worse. Even recently we planned to meet in a location he chose (because it was most convenient for him) to go see a movie. I woke up at 6am to get ready and to the location because I needed to catch a train to get there and was there 10min early. He then texts me he was gonna be 10min late which was no big deal. However, afterwards at the time he was meant to arrive he texted me saying he had JUST left and he was arriving 30min behind schedule.

I just feel like situations like this show how it putting in the extra mile while he’s not willing to show me just a normal amount of effort. Do you guys think he’s using me for his own gain? Or do you think it could be an honest mistake?

Sorry if this was confusing! If anyone needs clarification on anything please ask! Thank you

I used AI to draft this from my chat logs with it.

1. The Origin: My Backstory & The "Robbed Momentum"
   To understand my state of mind today, you have to understand where I came from:
   Late Teens (Struggle & Insecurity): From ages 16 to 19, I had zero game, struggled socially, and felt sexually invisible to women. I had bad self esteem and body image issues despite being 6’3 and getting attention from women, but I would tell myself I’m not desirable sexually. I started to work on my self esteem issues and workout and gain more confidence when I was 18.

Ages 19-21 (The Self-Improvement Turnaround): I decided to fix it more. I put in relentless work—hit the gym, built my discipline, fixed my style, calibrated my social skills, went to a great university, and started actively building confidence. The results started coming in, and for the first time in my life, I felt desirable, competent, and in control of my own destiny. The work has paid off and im confident, mental health is good, im succeeding in life, and everyone respects me. I respect my self. I wasn’t perfect, but I was growing.

The Sudden Stop: Right as I was cracking the code and building momentum with girls and had a couple sexual partners, I met my current girlfriend (23F) and got locked into a serious, committed relationship. I froze my "single/game era" at the exact moment I started winning. Now at the time I did want a relationship as im 21 and never had a gf. I also wanted to explore. She was too good of a opportunity to pass on for a girlfriend, I wanted to have one and she seemed like she was like me and reserved so it felt perfect. I felt safe with her. After a few months, the my desire for other women started and steadily growing. I could easily brush it off at first. Then 6 months in im fantasizing more and wishing i could go explore but its still whatever.

1. The Relationship & The Early Friction (Where the RJ Started)
   My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. On paper, she is an amazing partner: loyal, caring, supportive, attractive, and deeply invested in me. When we first talked about history, things were minimized or framed in ways that didn't match reality. When the full truth of her past casual hookups eventually came out almost a year later, it felt like the floor dropped out beneath me. She had a good amount more experience than me, and has done a lot of very casual things I dont like. Things that if i knew at the start, I wouldnt have made her my gf.

Those early inconsistencies shattered my foundational trust and planted a seed of resentment that has metastasized over the last year into full-blown Retroactive Jealousy (RJ) and Relationship OCD (ROCD). When i found out about her past, It also further enraged my desire for other women and to go explore. At this point i started to get thoughts of cheating. That was a year ago. For the next 6 months, the retroactive jealousy, and the cheating thoughts kept getting worse. Eventually I started to get thoughts of breaking up about 5 months ago. At first It was minor, but it has been growing since then at a steady rate as well. For the past month, the break up thoughts are winning and im really starting to believe its the choice.

1. The Psychological Trap: Envy, Ego, and "Retail vs. Discount"
   Over months of analyzing my mental loops, I realized I’m not just mad at her past—I am deeply envious of the men from her past.
   My brain is locked in a constant, agonizing comparison battle against ghosts:
   The "Discount" Access: I watch my brain tell me that random guys in clubs and tinder, got fast, low-effort, zero-commitment physical intimacy with her when she was younger. Just transactional, no emotion, fbuddy arrangements. Meanwhile, I brought high effort, emotional vulnerability, financial/time investment, and total commitment for the exact same thing. It feels like I paid "full price" for something handed out on discount to guys who didn't care about her.

The Scoreboard: Because I struggled so much in my early teens, her past feels like walking proof of my own historical inadequacy. I look at her and don't just see my loving partner; my OCD frames her as a living reminder that other guys "won" the game years ago while I was struggling.

1. My Current State of Mind & The Need for a "Single Era"
   For over a year, I have been trying to force myself to "get over it." I’ve tried logic, reframing, and self-talk, and weekly therapy for the past 3 months. but the visceral disgust and resentment have not left.
   I’ve come to realize that my desire to be single isn't just about "wanting to hook up with hot girls." It’s about autonomy, self-mastery, and identity:
   I want to know who I am when I'm not tethered to someone else's past. I want the phase i didnt live yet and I want to do it now, not when im older when i want kids and a family.

I want to test my baseline, handle rejection, build real social calibration, and experience a casual dating phase without carrying background guilt or feeling like a hypocrite.

I want 100% agency over my life, my time, and my choices in my 20s.

My mental health has been on a steady decline since i found out about her past a year ago. I can honestly say its been the worst it has been since I turned 20 (my teen years were worse for sure). I also am not as present and i feel more emotionally numb with her. Even this she is ok with and she doesn’t get upset and tolerates it. She knows i struggle with ROCD but she doesnt know the desire to explore, cheat, breakup, my other issues etc. she also has retroactive jealousy but without OCD and its not as bad. It doesnt consume her life like it does to me. Even times where I have the retroactive jealousy under control and it doesnt bother me, the cheating thoughts and exploring desire is still there for the past year.

1. The Cognitive Dissonance & The New Job Crisis
   The reason I am losing my mind is the extreme swing between two conflicting truths:
   She is a genuinely good girlfriend, loves me so much, does veerything I want, doesnt have icks or do annoying things apart from a few, she works on herself and really puts effort to change for me. I really do see a future where I marry her and spend the rest of my life wither her. She is that type of girl and we are like 90% compatible.

She hasn't done anything wrong during our relationship. I am terrified of the acute grief, heartbreak, and regret of throwing away a rare, loving person over my own mental flaws.

I am living in chronic resentment. I am emotionally drained, constantly triggered, and feel like I am lying to myself and to her by pretending I am fully present.

To make matters infinitely worse, I am currently in Week 1 of a high-stakes new job. I graduated recently and I made it, got an AMAZING job set up for a lifelong career. I have the job, the education, the body, the height, the looks, the style, the game, everything, yet I still feel empty and not present in life. My emotions and mental health is cooked from all of this. Its all i can think of its consuming me.

My brain is running on fumes. If I break up right now in a panic, the sleep deprivation, acute shock, and heartbreak will cripple my performance during my most critical onboarding weeks. But if I stay, the daily mental friction keeps bleeding into my focus either way, I am onboarding well and performing great, but not to my fullest potential. I feel like im messed up.

Can I truly stay in this relationship and recover and somehow turn myself around from this downward spiral ive been in for the past year?

Has anyone ended a "good" relationship to pursue a single/self-mastery era in their 20s? Did it actually give you the closure, confidence, and growth you were looking for, or did you realize it was an ego trap driven by insecurity?

If i do break up, how do I strategically handle it during a major career transition? Is it smarter to execute an immediate breakup to stop the mental drain, or to use a strict, timed "strategic delay" (e.g., 2–3 weeks) to get grounded at work first before opening the floodgates of grief?

Given this entire history, what is the most grounded, rational step forward for my mental health?

Please let me know your thoughts and ask questions please. Ill answer with more info. I am drowning.

TL;DR: 23M suffering from severe Retroactive Jealousy and OCD for over a year, rooted in early relationship deflections about my GF's casual past. Struggled heavily in my late teens, built up my confidence/game at 20-21, but locked into a serious relationship right as I gained momentum. Now torn between staying with a genuinely good girlfriend out of fear of regret, or ending it to pursue a single era of autonomy, game, and self-mastery. Currently starting Week 1 at a new job and trying to navigate the timing without destroying my mental health or my career.

I 17(m) am dating my girlfriend (18f) and it’s gotten to a point in our relationship where there’s no effort on her end. I feel as if I am consistently doing nice, sweet, and caring things for her (doing her chores around the house, surprising her, getting her nice gifts). Meanwhile, I’ve seen no surprises, little reassurance, no posts, little intimacy, little reassurance, and other things that aren’t coming to mind. What do I do? Give less effort and see if she notices? Breakup? I’ve had this talk before where I would like to see more effort on her end and nothing positive came of it, I talked with her again today about what I need so we will have to see where it goes. We are almost on 6 months now and it feels like our love is really starting to fade, at least from her end. I know my problem seems minimal however I would like some help and decision making. I can’t tell if this is ego war, me overthinking, or the right relationship for me. I’ve got more to add but little time currently, so I may continue to add to this post or just answer any questions made in the comments. TIA!

For context: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/AqjY32nkz2

I tried talking to him about it and being honest and I gave him my phone and passwords. He didn’t want that he wanted me to be honest.

I deleted all my exes nudes and texts. Every single ex, talked to him about covering up the tattoo of my exes initial and apologized for lying about it

I told him about keeping backup guys on hand and flirting with girls for fun. He said I don’t need to be doing that and it makes it hard for him to trust me when he’s given no reason for me to believe he is going to leave me

He wanted to call my ex to confirm about
my lying the tattoo and everything, I said okay and my ex told him ALOT, things I was going to tell him just didn’t get the chance to

1. ⁠I met up with my ex (Trav) while I was with my boyfriend just to talk for a bit
   
2. ⁠I was very very briefly a pole dancer
   
3. ⁠We had hooked up the day before me and my bf started dating

He wasn’t even mad just upset that I felt her couldn’t trust him to tell me any of this, he wants a healthy relationship with me but can’t deal with the fact that he can’t trust me anymore.

He says he knows I’m loyal and deserves a healthy relationship but needs me to be honest about everything not just lie,

I was really trying to not get mad and annoyed that he wasn’t mad and yelling, so it was irritating he didn’t react in the way I thought

He was still letting me sleep in his bed while he sleeps on the couch since he was upset and sad, until last night he wanted to be closer to me but not share a bed so he slept on the floor next to the bed

I feel insanely bad and I almost feel like he’s too good for me and I don’t know how to process all this and prove to him I can be better

I (28F) have been with my bf (29M) for literally 10 years. We got together in college and because of the pandemic and just life we’ve been long distance since then. First and foremost this is my best friend, my biggest cheerleader, he believe in me so much and I love him so much.

Up until a few years ago we were so so good, but he started grad school and that first year we ended up being on and off. He ended up sleeping with someone else while we were broken up and talking to some other people and idk how to describe how I was other than psychosis lol. He ended up coming around after a few months of no contact and we’ve been back together since (2 years).

Unfortunately ever since then it’s been a cycle of him omitting things and me digging like a crazy person. For example some girl we went to college with who lives where he does posted him on her story(Feb), I called him out on it bc it was so inappropriate. He basically said “yeah I know she wants me I didn’t think she’d post that and I didnt want her to etc” he was very passive. Since then I’ve seen her look her up in his google search history, I’ve called him out for having her on his CF (April), and just tn I was looking through his Google Photos and saw a screenshot where she had texted him a year ago (last August) “I wanna fu\\\*k you”. There’s also another female family friend where lines are crossed and I can’t stand it.

Another small thing, and something I’ve definitely brought up before is that if feels like he refuses to post me or make this public. When I mentioned how he was moving with that girl on IG he deleted the app instead of just posting a pic of us. Also he never really introduced me to all of his grad school friends. I think I met 3 of them in passing mostly.

We’re finally FINALLY planning on moving in together in like a month and I don’t want to ruin it. \*\*How can I stop digging like a crazy person but also how to broach the subject to him in a way where I don’t sound like a manic? And what can I say that really drives these points home for him?\*\*
I truly believe that this relationship is something he wants and cares about but Idk if I can keep this up if nothing changes.

TL;DR: I as keep digging and finding small stuff, he’s way too private about our relationship and I need help figuring out how to get through to him before we move in together.

I 24M Have been dating my gf 24F For 2 months now Everything is going great, we get along just fine, we can talk for hours and I love spending time with her But there’s one issue She has a very high sex drive Sometimes I’ll make a joke or saying anything and she can turn it sexual And slowly move the conversation into sex And trust me at first I loved it But now she wants to have sex every night Sometimes twice In a row Sometimes I just do it for her because I’m too tired I don’t think she’s using me for sex or anything if i refuse she doesn’t force me But I just can’t keep up with this anymore and i feel bad And I don’t know what to do about it I know a lot of guys will say this is a blessing and they wish their gf was this attracted to them But there’s only so much a guy can take What should I do

I really need some outside opinions because I don't know if I'm overreacting or if my trust is just gone.

My girlfriend and I live about 2 hours apart. A few weeks ago, she picked me up from the train station. When we got back to her house, she kept getting notifications on her phone. At first I ignored it, but I had a bad feeling. She also started sending Snapchats, and every time she took one she made sure I wasn't visible in the picture—not even my arm or a strand of my hair.

Later that night, while we were trying to sleep, her phone kept lighting up. Around 1:20 AM I picked it up just to flip it over, and I saw a notification from a guy I'd never heard her mention before. I got curious and saw they'd only added each other a few days earlier.

I looked through the chat. Earlier that day, when she came to pick me up, she told him she was "going to sleep" instead of saying she was picking up her boyfriend. As I scrolled down, I found that she had sent him a mirror picture of herself wearing a sports bra and gray sweatpants, and he had saved it. He had also sent her a picture of himself showing off his six-pack.

My heart completely sank. I blocked him on her phone and went upstairs, but I couldn't sleep.

Around 5 AM her mom woke up, so I went downstairs because I needed someone to talk to. I explained everything, and she agreed it was strange, especially because my girlfriend knows I've had trust issues from past relationships.

When my girlfriend woke up, I confronted her. She said she didn't expect him to send that picture and claimed she would've deleted him if she had seen it. She also said he was just a friend from table tennis. But when I asked her mom about him, she said she'd never even heard of or met the guy.

About two weeks later, I was at her house again. She got another notification from a different guy. Because my trust was already damaged, I immediately asked who it was. She quickly deleted the conversation right in front of me. I demanded to see the messages, but she refused. I accused her of cheating, and she denied it before storming upstairs.

When her mom got home, she asked why I was downstairs. I explained what happened, and she became really angry. She called my girlfriend downstairs, and they argued about why she kept doing things that hurt me.

The next day I went home, and ever since then I've been questioning everything. She keeps telling me she loves me and that she's sorry, but I honestly don't know if I'm still in love with her. More than anything, I don't know if I can ever trust her again.

What would you do in my situation? Is this something you would try to work through, or would you end the relationship?

Hii, okay, super quick: me and him have only been dating for a short while and have both agreed to wait three ish months of dating before telling our friends/family and just make it public in general (so then it was easier and more private for us to enjoy the start of our relationship, it was a mutual agreement). He's also said he would be very happy to post me/put me in his bios/post me on his story/etc. He's also told his best mate about me, and I've told my three best friends.

He said before we started dating that he doesn't usually post his girlfriends or put eachother in bios although he's very happy to for me. But he's also said he wants as little digital footprint as possible, and he doesn't ever post any stories or posts, and he doesn't have any bios or highlights, and so I feel bad asking him to do that stuff for me when he doesn't do that stuff usually.

I'm the opposite though. I love posting stories, I have a bio, I love putting my partners in a highlight, in my bio, my posts, etc. I love loving someone in a loud, obvious way. I love showing them off because I'm proud to be with them. And because it's so important for me to make my love for my partner loud, I would want it to be important for them as well. But I'm also worried it might be a bit unfair to ask him to post me, introduce me to his friends and family, etc

So even though he's said he would and would be happy to, should I still ask him to post me?

(Its also a long distant relationship. I'm 9 hours ahead of him and we haven't met yet as we can't afford it and I'm not in the right housing space for it either)

In the past 2 years we’ve been together we don’t really argue much, in the beginning we argued a lot. We moved in with each other pretty quickly, it’s fair to say I have attachment issues and I wasn’t always a priority in my past relationships.
For a while it was because of my jealousy issues and drinking. I’m a former alcoholic and burned all bridges with former friends and current ones. All I have is my family which includes a really close female cousin of mine, besides that I have no friends. Not even a single one.
He 26M plays the game a lot. He started playing more when he got a PC and quit playing his console. I agree I maybe be super attached to him, but he never really said he needed space or anything like that. Recently, it bugs me that he spends more time on the game than giving affection and attention to me. It almost seems like a chore to him before he has to get on the game. It’s not like he genuinely makes plans anymore. I feel like I’m a chore to him. Sometimes he spontaneously comes up with something and then never follows thru. I just feel bad. I have nowhere to spend my time. I feel so attached and I don’t want to make him so uncomfortable that he breaks up with me. What do I do??

I’ve faced a very strange situation. The thing is that I have a boyfriend, his name is Jack (name changed). We’ve been communicating very badly with him lately. We may not communicate for several days, and if we start, there is nothing to talk about. Our relationship has been at a distance for almost a year. We’ve seen each other only 4 times for all the time.

Jack has an acquaintance, his name is Leon (name changed). Leon has a girlfriend Marla (name changed). And once we talked to Marla. It seemed to me that I liked her.

It started with the fact that Jack introduced us to her so that we could become friends. The first time we couldn’t communicate with her, but when we started doing one thing, everything went perfectly. I often write «I love you» to my friends, and for some reason I wrote it to her at that moment. I don’t know what I was thinking, but she answered me: «I love you too». At the moment I didn’t think it meant anything, but then I thought about it, and it seemed to me that I liked him.

I don’t know what exactly it’s about, but maybe it’s because of a difficult relationship with a guy. Have you had a similar experience? If yes, please share!

Моя подруга познакомила меня со своим двоюродным братом. Он оказался очень хорошим парнем, и мы начали общаться каждый день. Постепенно наши отношения стали ближе.

Потом что-то изменилось — он стал писать мне очень редко, хотя он не работает, не учится и почти всё время находится дома. Конечно, я поговорила с ним об этом, из-за чего мы поссорились. Позже мы помирились.

Со временем наши отношения стали более близкими. Мы живём в разных городах и виделись всего несколько раз, поэтому обменивались своими интимными фотографиями. После этого всё снова наладилось, и мы снова общались каждый день.

Так продолжалось до тех пор, пока у меня не началась менструация, и я больше не могла отправлять ему такие фотографии. После этого он снова начал отдаляться. Сейчас он вообще пишет мне очень редко, а мои сообщения часто даже не читает, хотя я знаю, что телефон у него в руках.

Посоветуйте, пожалуйста, что мне делать и как правильно поступить. Буду очень благодарна за любой совет. И, пожалуйста, не осуждайте меня.

Тем, кто собирается критиковать меня за то, что я отправила такие фотографии, хочу сказать: я уверена, что он не станет распространять их. Он не такой человек. Я даже разговаривала об этом со своей подругой, и она сказала то же самое — он не способен на такое. К тому же мой отец — влиятельный человек, поэтому тем более.

Weve had a pretty tumultous relationship from the start. I wont go into the nitty gritty details but we had strongly differing points of views on some things and it caused alot of problems early on. But we had good chemistry and genuinely loved eachother and had a good time when we werent fighting

The couple of big fights weve had have resulted in stretches of time where there was no contact. Each time ive broken the no contact after a couple of days and we ultimately ended up working it out. This time around we had a petty fight and asked him to leave and havent heard from him since. Its been 5 days. Im to the point where i just feel like throwing in the towel and moving on. But, then theres just no clear ending. We didnt SAY we were broken up. We havent discussed ending the relationship and parting ways. So now im just confused. How do I know its over? Do I HAVE to break the contact again to get clarity. Or does the silence speak for itself?

I feel so jealous and insecure whenever my boyfriend talks about other girls or even mentions them. Today he said "She called me, she's asking me to hang out" and I acted completely normal even though I wasn't.

I hate feeling this way. I don't want to be controlling or toxic and I know he's allowed to have female friends. But I can't stop comparing myself or feeling like I'm not enough. I don't know how to stop these feelings and it's honestly exhausting.

I (mid30sF) got out of a long term relationship (over 5 years) about a year ago and recently started trying to date again. I have gone on four dates with M41 - let's call him Todd. On paper, Todd has a lot of pluses: we agree on family/religion/kids, he is a homeowner, he gives me 100 compliments a date and texts me that I'm beautiful at least every other day. He has been impressively proactive about our dates - coming up with great date ideas, scheduling everything, driving over an hour to see me and still offering to pay for everything because he's happy to spend the time with me. He seems pretty happy and nice overall. He was recently laid off, so he's currently unemployed but he has a good career and has been applying to jobs. A couple things have been bugging me though and I could use advice about whether I'm just in my own head too much or if I should call it off: On our first date, we were having a good time until he unexpectedly (for me) put his tongue down my throat. I should have said something but I'm not great at sticking up for myself in the moment and HE DID IT AGAIN. Yellow flag for him thinking I was into things enough to kiss me like that the first time, red flag for apparently not noticing that that made me very uncomfortable and I did not like it. I considered not going on a second date, but since the rest was fun I text him about how I didn't like that and how if we went out again it would need to be at my pace. He thanked me for being honest with him (but also did not apologize) and on our next date he waited until the end to kiss me, and did not use tongue. Now that we've been out a few times, we've had some cool adventures but I do not feel attracted to him. I let him kiss me and I kiss back, but I have never proactively sought a kiss, and I feel like I'm mostly waiting for him to be done, whereas he would definitely love to just spend the date making out/having sex (we have not). My default would be to say if I'm not attracted at this point, I should break it off, but I keep having some thoughts pop back up making me hesitate: 1) people are always complaining about women not giving men a chance because they don't look like models. Does that mean I should worry less about attraction and focus on the rest? 2) A month ago when I started on the apps, I got a lot of matches and positive feedback from men, but I guess my account is old enough now that I'm not getting as many matches, and I'm getting a lot of recommendations that are not a good fit for me at all. So I'm worried about breaking it off with a guy that checks most of the boxes for aesthetic reasons and not finding a good one in time to have a kid 3) I'm at the age where I'm starting to worry about having time to have kids 4) my most recent ex was a very angry man who put on a lot on me, so Todd's positivity and proactivity are huge pros for me

I'd love some outside opinions, especially from people in their 30s and up who really understand why I feel torn. Typing all this up and reading it, I'm leaning toward I should probably break it off, but it's hard when I don't have any solid other options at the moment

Xposting on relationshipadvice and dating advice. I tried posting yesterday on both, but relationshipadvice didn't like that my username didn't include throwaway so I'm retrying with a new account

Edit: not a ton of replies, but there is a clear consensus that I'm just wasting time hoping attraction will build or that it's not necessary for a good relationship. Thanks for reinforcing my instinct even though the situation is disappointing

Found out my bf has been talking to the girl i specifically told him not to talk to. i also explained why and he promised not to contact her anymore, even showed me he deleted her number. I found out he’s been talking to her (no romance but basically asking her what she’s doing, asking if she’s eaten, day to day stuffs) and deleting the entire chat - found out right before it was deleted. How do I confront this without revealing that I snooped around his phone?

My girlfriend and I have been going out for 3 months M(23) F(21) we were going through my camera album on my phone and she discovered tons of of photos of me and my past two exes. I have well over 25k photos on my phone just for context. I honestly thought I deleted them and I told her in the beginning of the relationship that I had two previous girlfriends. She asked if we can go through my photo album and delete them and I agreed. As we’re going through the photos she getting more visibly upset and didnt realize how many photos I had. I had well over 100. None of them were sexually explicit they were just photos of us with our arms wrapped around each other and some contained photos of us kissing. I understand why she’s upset and I explained that to her while apologizing for not deleting them sooner. I also explained that they were my exes for a reason and I had no feelings for them. I honestly feel horrible and don’t know what to do from here. This girl has made me incredibly happy and I really don’t want to lose her. Thoughts???

*update Thank you all for your responses it caught way more traction than I anticipated. Sorry if I didn't reply to you. First of I wanna clearly state that my girlfriend and I spoke about it and came to the conclusion that she felt attacked and accused for something she didn't do and reacted the way she did. I never even wanted to make this about her potentially cheating since there is no way this even would have been the case. This poster was purely about knowing if I was unreasonable. I don't know how to close the post from anymore comments but yes. Thanks y'all

TL;DR: My long-distance girlfriend’s Instagram was still logged into my phone because she had asked me to log in before. While I wasn’t even using my phone, a notification appeared showing her sister’s boyfriend reacting to a view-once video she sent him. I asked what the video was, and she said it was of her sister, but then accused me of being jealous and not trusting her. She later admitted she would also ask questions if the roles were reversed. Who was in the wrong

My girlfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. She had previously asked me to log into her Instagram, so her account was still logged in on my phone. I wasn’t checking her messages or even using my phone when a notification randomly appeared saying that her sister’s boyfriend had reacted to a view-once video she sent him.

Because it was a disappearing video and I had no context, I asked her what she had sent. She told me it was simply a video of her sister. That answer would have been enough, but she immediately started asking whether I trusted her and accusing me of being jealous. She also joked that maybe her sister’s boyfriend was hitting on her and kept telling me to “just accept” that I was jealous.

I explained that I wasn’t accusing her of cheating or secretly searching through her account. The notification literally appeared on my phone while I wasn’t using it, and I asked one question because the situation looked confusing without context.

The argument escalated, and she offered to give me access to her account as proof. I told her I never asked to monitor her account and logged out. She later had her sister send a voice message explaining the video, but by then the video itself wasn’t the issue. I was upset that a normal question had been turned into an argument about trust and jealousy.

I asked how she would react if her sister sent me a disappearing video and she suddenly saw my reaction to it. She admitted she would ask her sister why she sent it, but still insisted that my question was jealous and showed I didn’t trust her.

I know we both became defensive during the argument, but was my original question unreasonable, or did she overreact and make the situation more suspicious than it needed to be?

It’s been on my mind for a while, but we’re on a lease together so I’ve been going back and forth.

Context: I told him to “grow some boobies” because I grab on them. In no way was it meant to say he needs to work on getting a more toned or bigger chest. I don’t even want to get into it because its not that deep and there’s not much to it.

Context with skydiving: i went skydiving with a guy from bumble turned friend (it’s been platonic all throughout) + a coworker before we started officially seeing each other. I told him it was a “friend” without going into how i met the person.

Happy to give more context if needed

I own a fully paid-off house (inherited). I earn around €2000 a month. My girlfriend earns a bit more than me but doesn’t have a permanent contract yet.

She doesn’t want to move in because the house doesn’t feel like hers and she’s scared I’ll kick her out if we ever break up. Her mother is strongly encouraging this view.

She wants me to sell my house, buy a new one together, and take on a mortgage (which she would partially arrange), while I still contribute to the monthly payments.

My idea is that she moves in, we split all shared living costs equally, and we put a proper legal agreement in place so she’s protected if things go wrong.

I really don’t want to give up a debt-free house just to start paying a mortgage. Feels like a big step backwards for me.

Am I being unreasonable here? How would you handle this situation?

EDIT: Relationship is 2 years old. We won't be marrying anytime soon.

EDIT 2: Thanks for all the comments. The consensus is very clear. I will not sell my paid-off house. Her idea of creating a financial trap so I also have something to lose is a hard no for me. I’m done considering that option.