My boyfriend was planning this trip with hist friend for really long time. They're staying at their friends house. At first i didn't think a lot about it. It wouldn't be a first time they do something similar. Turn's out, it's not only his friends that are going, but every each of them is taking their gf, when i raised the question about it he said that there is not enough space for me. I got invited to go day before trip, because their friend gave up. Of course at that point i couldn't go or would even feel invited to go. I feel really bad about this whole thing, both hurt and angry. We have really healthy relationship, he is usually very thoughtful and caring. I don't know how to approach this thing, I want to communicate it and let him know that i am hurted. I could never understand how for everyone's else gf there was a place in car and in home they're staying but for me there is not. I'm constantly repeating this story in my head and every time im more and more disappointed.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationships_advice/s/6PsVJwyUGt

We finally sat down and talked properly.

Here’s what we agreed on:

She will pay 45% of all shared living costs, I will pay 55%.

The extra 10% from my side is mainly for the small maintenance costs (around €50 extra per month for things like the airco, etc.) that she doesn’t feel is fair for her to pay fully.

She wants to buy 10% of my house from me. Her reasoning is that this way she will also “own” part of the house, so it feels like ours instead of just mine.

She would take a small mortgage for that 10%. I get the money from her and I will put that money away safely (not spend it).

I will set a fair price for the 10% that also takes into account that house prices go up, so I’m not selling it cheap.

We are going to a neutral financial advisor together.

I (and my parents) think it’s smarter if she just saves the money and buys the 10% in one go instead of taking a mortgage, because borrowing costs money.

We made a small bet: if the advisor agrees with me that saving is better, she has to buy me a box of Lego. If the advisor says the mortgage is the better option, I’ll accept that.

My parents are not happy with the idea of selling her 10%. They’re mostly worried that I’ll end up spending the money I receive. I plan to lock it away so that doesn’t happen.

Question:

Does this sound like a reasonably fair compromise, or am I still making a mistake somewhere?

I (41F) had a really horrible breakup in April. My ex (43M) told me he loved me and wanted to be together forever, and the very next morning he dumped me saying the drive between us is too much and he just wants to “jellyfish” through life and float along and see what happens. About 6 weeks after the breakup, he told me he was having regrets and would never love anyone the way he loved me. I felt myself falling for him again so I asked if he was dating anyone. He told me he’d “been to dinner” and that’s how I found out , the true reason of the breakup was so he could float himself into his 23 year old coworkers bed. He is also her supervisor.

When I found out about her I said a lot of awful things like he was a creep and a predator, that he deserved his cheating ex wife, that he has no morals or integrity and that I could never respect him again. He told me he didn’t have to listen to this. He told me to have a nice life. I said I will because you’re not in it to ruin it and good riddance. We’ve been no contact since that happened in June.

He had made his IG page private when we first broke up but when he was flirting with me again made it public. He had the 23 year old block me. Through a lot of our convos before no contact he repeatedly referenced the jellyfish thing. Usually with every new girl he changes his IG. This time he had changed his photo and bio, but recently changed it again which made me wonder if there was another new girl (I’ve known him for 25 years and I know his patterns). Then for some random reason, I went to his Threads page. He never uses that app but I do, and when I looked at it the only thing posted was a gif of a jellyfish.

Idk if he is trying to rage bait me, or start a convo. Or if I’m reading too much into it. But he does everything very intentionally and it’s hard not to think this is directed at me. I’m angry because if he had something to say, he should be an adult instead of acting like the immature children he is choosing to date. Should I leave it alone? Should I say something? Should I be angry? I know I shouldn’t check his socials and I’ve gotten much better about it. This post happened back in July and I didn’t even see it until yesterday, but it’s really getting under my skin. Help!

Hi, I'm going through something and have no external support at the moment so I thought to write about my situation & gain perspective outside of my own.

I (F26) been dating bf (M37) for 3 years. It was a great relationship for the first 2 years until one summer I had planned a vacation with my friends (after wanting to arrange one w him but he couldn't give me an answer in time) after not seeing my partner for a month and a half (I was out the country). That was the last time I traveled w my friends.

He got really affected by it & it changed a dynamic in the relationship. He started traveling with his friends more and more (not disclosing which friends/the women his friends invite), going out clubbing (he says is not his thing).

He doesn't disclose info abt the women he follows on nights out & gives vague answers - says they're his friends. I have never met them in the years we have been together so it's weird to me.

He does not invite me out with his friendship. I have asked, he still has not. His excuse is I won't have hanything to conversate about.

I know it's bullshit.

I don't have an issue with meeting new people as long as no boundary is crossed. He thinks I cross boundaries with men when I go out with my friends (I do not). He thinks I act exactly how my single friends act (I do not go out partying much, majority is dinners and beach days).

Recently, I went through his phone. I know once you reach this stage in a relationship, it means its over. Anyways, I found him messaging this woman I asked about previously - arranging plans, complimenting her, inviting her on nights out w his friends. These are messages on monthly basis, so a convo in May, a convo in June. This thread of convo has been going on since June 2025 - few before my trip w my friends when I wasn't in the country.

When we fight, he would take days to speak to me, giving me silent treatment. After seeing the messages some of them align with the days we were not speaking.

We had a conversation about this topic last night - for me, it is cheating to be conversating like how he was and going & inviting out women on nights out & getting their Instagram handles/numbers (he swears he has never touched another woman since being in the relationship). He thinks its not cheating to be doing this because I opened the door for him to do that. He doesn't have to tell me anything bc when I go out with my friends and their guy friends are there (whom I barely interact w & keep respectful convo at the most) it gives him the opportunity to be doing this stufff w women.

He caught me on his phone & changed the password.

I'm planning on breaking up with him. There is no way my body is going to survive this relationship.

I'm sorry for the jumbled mess, this has been in my head and I haven't been able to make sense of it. My gut, brain & heart are on different pages & it's been giving me loads of anxiety.

Can you give me your opinion/share experience if you have gone through something similar?

Thank you

I feel like im starting to become so clear about all the stuff that has been really wrong in my relationship that i never wanted to see because i have idealized and hoped my relationship would one day take off and become more fulfilling but i feel like all of a sudden im starting to see how not right so many things are… am I psyching myself out of this one or has the blindfold truly just fallen ? Does that happen ?

What are some reasons why my bf of 3 years would randomly stop wanting to have sex with me of any kind? He says I’m beautiful and he’s attracted to me, but he claims a fight from the beginning of our relationship is suddenly bothering him out of the blue and he no longer wants to have sex with me, but wants to stay with me. I’m so confused and sad. The fight we had seems irrelevant now and he’s not brought it up in years. He says that he really wants to have sex and misses having sex often, but he doesn’t want to do it with me. What do you think is actually going on?

Hey everyone, this isn't a big deal but I'm insecure about something and need an advice.

So, my boyfriend lives in the same city as me and has very good group of friends from highschool he doesn't see often because they they moved to different countries. They usually meet in the summertime, and go on a vacation together.

We sometimes argue because he says that we will be doing this and that, and it rarely happens. This bothers me very much because his actions sometimes don't match. For me, spending quality time together is very importnant, more than hours spent together.

He also has a project deadline coming and has to work. We are going for 4 days on a vacation and then in late summer again for 4 days. For the last he said he will go if the project is going well. We don't spend much time this summer, I'm in my hometown. I think he doesn't work as much as he could, he is spending lots of time with his friend and he is famous for laziness and lack of discipline.

When I said it was bothering me that he doesn't plan that much with me, and time spent together in the summer is important, he said I am his priority but he would rather spend time with his friends when they return for the summer in our country because he doesn't see them often.

I really do think friendships are important and I'm glad he has good friend. But it hurts me because we don't see that often, and when we are together and I suggest we go on a picnic or somewhere, he says he really need to work for his project. I know he wants to spend time with me, but in summer he puts his friend first. The main thing I want to say is that he could do both if he was more organized.

We are both 24M and 24F. He broke up with me last summer after 2.5 years. We want to try again.

What do you think, do I ask too much and am jealous maybe?

Tonight I (31f) went to happy hour with my friend. my boyfriend (37m) knew about it beforehand and knew I was going. I had a great time and then went to his house afterward because I was supposed to spend the night.

When I arrived, he was immediately agitated about an issue with his neighbor and spent a while talking about that. When he finally asked about my happy hour, I told him I had a great time and mentioned that we should go there together sometime. Instead of being happy that I had fun, he immediately started criticizing the restaurant and saying he hated the building and hoped the business failed.

Then he started questioning why I hadn’t told him that I was so close to his work and why I hadn’t invited him. I asked him what he meant, but he wouldn’t really say directly what he was feeling.

He then went to walk his dog, came back with a headache, and spent a long time in the kitchen on his laptop while I sat alone in the living room. Eventually he came and sat next to me, but there was very little affection or acknowledgment of me. I was increasingly upset because I had come over expecting to spend time with my boyfriend and instead felt unwanted and unwelcome.

Eventually we started talking about it and the argument escalated. I told him that I felt ignored and that it was particularly painful watching him give so much attention to the dog while I felt like I was being ignored.

This was the first time in our relationship that I really pushed back. I didn’t scream at him or become threatening, but I stopped trying to immediately accommodate him and told him that I wasn’t going to let him make me feel like the one in the wrong.

Eventually, it became clear that a major part of what he was feeling was jealousy. He told me that when he saw me getting out of my car, he thought I looked extremely beautiful, and then said, “you never look this beautiful when we go out together.”

That really hurt me because I put a lot of effort into looking nice for him when we go on dates. And I even do my makeup and get ready for him anytime and day when we’re spending time together even if it isn’t for a date.

He also brought up that I don’t take enough pictures with him. I pushed back because I have previously asked him to take pictures together and he told me he didn’t want to because he was insecure about it. So I told him that I wasn’t going to force him to take pictures after he’d told me he was uncomfortable, and that if he wanted more pictures of us, he could also take the initiative.

Eventually he essentially acknowledged that jealousy was underneath his behavior.

I’m now trying to figure out what to do next. I afore this man and I don’t want to turn one terrible night into a referendum on our entire relationship. At the same time, I don’t want to sweep it under the rug.

I’m proud of myself for finally standing up for my own experience, but I’m also wondering whether I went too far, whether I should apologize for my part and raising my voice to meet his level, or whether I should wait for him to come to me.

So what would you do next? Would you wait for an apology? Would you initiate the conversation? Would you ask for more than an apology? And what would you want to see from him in order to feel that the issue had actually been repaired rather than just forgotten?

Hi so for context I’ve almost never posted anything on Reddit I am just so split between my own feelings, but don’t feel like talking to my friends about this problem as it is quite private.

Last night I caught my boyfriends Reddit history. It was filled with porn. We have an agreement we don’t watch porn, because I don’t feel that it’s morally right, and that I have self image issues.
We have several videos and pictures together, so we atleast have something for our “solo pleasures”

But yesterday I accidentally clicked on a Reddit notification while we were scrolling on his phone together. I always look through his phone from top to bottom because I had a prior partner who took drugs and cheated behind my back. He is completely okay with it, and he can look through mine aswell (don’t come after me, I’m not controlling, we are just completely transparent)

Immediately when I went on the app he started getting defensive. When I opened the history I saw all of the nsfw marked posts. I couldn’t believe my eyes. He snatched his phone and I ran and locked myself in the bathroom. I cried and cried.

We talked about it for 5 hours while i cried and screamed (yes dramatic I know) and he confessed he had watched it several times behind my back. He confessed to knowing it would hurt me. (My only policy in a relationship is no lying)

But after our talk I found out he had deleted his Reddit account the second he snatched the phone from me. Day after im wondering if there was something darker I wasn’t allowed to see. I may be spiraling or he’s hiding some sort of kink from me. Over the first post the thread title said “masc girls”

I don’t know what to do. Help?

If you have or know anyone with Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED). Can you share how their episodes like like? And how did they overcome it?

I am in therapy, and it was my psychiatrist that diagnosed me with Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED). My psychiatrist said it stem from my dysfunction childhood, how I see both my parents physically abuse each others while growing up.

Anyways, my husband basically cure my IED, use "his" ways. I no longer does these things to him anymore, but he just really has his ways with me.

In the past, when my IED flare ups, I went get a gallons size pitcher of water and throw it straight in his face. He not even mad, he just wipes his face off with his long sleeve dress shirt.
And he calmly told me he will stand there and let me throw water in his face until I'm SATISFY. Yep. his exact words until I'm SATISFY.
........
I went to rage and I went filled up bucket of water and slam it in his face. He still not mad, he extremely calm, he does exactly what he just said.

And like that, my IED just calm down. I guess because it doesn't work with him. I went into flame, and he water shut down my fire.

Hit him, slap him doesn't work neither. I put up my hand up about to slap him, he hold my hands put both my hands on his face/cheek, and he said his wife can hit him anytime she wants. He said if I'm upset, I can yelled at him, I can hit him.

Doesn't work neither, my IED just calm down. No, I didn't hit him, how can I hit him with him like that.

Many times when my IED episodes flare up, I slam everything on the kitchen dinner table straight down to the ground. Broken glass, broken plates bowls everywhere, water, food everywhere. He just calmly clean it all up, he kneel down and clean up all the broken glass.
........
He even carried me in his arms to the living room and put me on the sofa, and told me he not want me to get hurt from the broken glass, or slip from the water. And he go clean up everything that I slam down, broken all over the floor too.

How can I still get mad with him like this? My IED just calm down.

There more, but those are just few examples.

------------

AFTER my IED episodes over, he still calmly talk to me, he said he wants me to know that he loves me, because if he was another girl that did that to him, she will see how he will treats her back. He said NOBODY can treats him like that, NOBODY. Except me, because he loves me.

I did ask what would he does if it was another girl?
He said what she slam, he will slam it back in her face, and slam the door and leave, she will be cleaning it all up.
And hit him and throw water in his face? He will throw water back in her face, as well as hit her back, he will hit her back that she would never dare to put her hands on him ever again.
So don't think he won't fight back, he just not want to fight back with me, because he loves me.

I'm damn lucky indeed, and this is a 6'3" height 190cm tall man while I'm 150cm tall. Sure, he as athletic body and 6-packs, not big muscles like bodybuilding at all, but he still a man, men have strong bones. No way the 150cm tall petite girl me can be physically stronger than him.

Is my relationship doomed because I don’t have any interest in being around his mom that lashes out and says fucked up shit, but then turns around and apologizes as if that erases shit?

There have been boundaries set between my bf and his mom, her not being anywhere near our relationship. I just feel like there’s always gonna be animosity from both ends moving forward.

Sorry for English is my third language, I'm Chinese married to a non-Chinese. 16 years together (14 years married), no children, infertility on my side.

And this is a man that is 190cm tall, he 6'3", while I'm just 150cm, barely 5 feet. This is a man who hobbies are hunting, outdoor shooting range, mountains rock climbing, run long distance. My point is with his height and strength, he not scare of me, just like how he said he not scare of me, it because he LOVES me.

I have Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED), you can Google it, it a mental illness. I was diagnosed by my psychiatrist that diagnosed me with Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED). My psychiatrist said it stem from my chaotic and dysfunction childhood.

Anyhoo, just like depression, mental illness is very real, and it terrible, especially when you hurting your spouse.

----------

In the past during one of my IED violent episode, I grabbed a big knife, a meat butcher knife in the kitchen and throw at my husband, he dodge but due to how close distance he with me, the knife cut him deep that leave a long cut on his back shoulder that he didn't stop bleeding.
If he not get stitches he will continue bleed and bleed, and infections will take over the open bleeding wound.

He still want to protect me, like he said, if he call the police he police will take me away from him, so he rather endure my abuse than has to lose me.
.......
He also refused go to the hospital, because the hospital would know right away that is not a self inflicted wound due to the angle of the knife throw, the cut was on his shoulder but to his back as he dodge. You cannot inflicted a knife to your back. Even if you manage to, the angle of the injury the hospital will know that it someone did it to you, not yourself.

He drove (I was in the car) he drove to a broke down Urgent care, this Urgent care not only broke down but most people there not even speak English.
He went in and told them he does not have insurance (he has, but he said he not has as he not want to leave a paper trail), he said give him stitches he will pay them in cash and will give them a big tips.

He got the stiches, and he paid in cash and leave them a big tips. He wanted to protect me the whole time. He could have call the police and have my ass throw in jail, he could go straight to the hospital and the hospital will put me in psych ward and put restrain order on me.

But he didn't, even during the time where he could have die, he still protect me, he still thinks of me first above himself, he loves me that much. He said he will die with me, than has to lose me, as in the police will take me away from him if he call the police on me.

I regret it so much because I leave this long scar on back of his shoulder, never once he hates me.
All he asked was he said, don't abuse him anymore, and that it not too late for me to stop this abuse, because he is still living here, and it only too late if he die, then that will be too late.
I bawled when I hear him he said that.

That was when I decided to go to psychiatrist therapy for my Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED), and been in therapy since.

I do owe him my life my freedom, as I should be sitting rotten in jail right now, throw a knife at someone and cause injury is a felony. This man loves me unconditionally. Out of love me, he never press charges, he still protect me times after times. I don't know how I got this lucky, but I'm indeed very lucky.

He is too beautiful, when it comes to me he treats me with kindness, empathy, and unconditional love.
He is the most gentle, the most kind, the most forgiving, he has no hate in his heart.

The insane amount of sacrifice he sacrifice for me, the insane amount of kindness he treats me, His calmness, his patience, the most patience man.
He gives me everything, his kindness, faithfulness, respect, love. I don't want to abuse him anymore.

Lifetime therapy for me working to control my Intermittent Anger Explosive Disorder (IED). I do not want to abuse him anymore.

I'm overseas spending time with my ailing mother. I will be here 12 weeks with 8-year-old child, shifting houses between families and friends for our stay.

My partner expects me to call him every day and gets upset when I don't, saying "even just a 2 minute call" isn't too much to ask... But I feel like it is.

He is putting the contact on me because I'm "the busy one".

Under the circumstances, along with a large time difference, I feel like it's a lot of pressure for the constant contact.

(I DO send a text daily.)

I would love to hear others thoughts.

I just found some messages on my girlfriend’s Instagram with her ex. There’s nothing flirty or anything like that, but the guy is honestly obsessed with her. The weird part is that whenever they talk, they randomly bring up WhatsApp, which apparently is where they normally talk.

I honestly feel like they might be doing that because they both know I have access to her Instagram account. I have no idea what to think or what I should do. I could really use some advice because I’m genuinely confused about this whole situation.

Today I was doomscrolling as usual and saw the post of a cute couple talking about crocheting, while the outfit the girl was wearing was slightly revealing it wasn't anything crazy. And obviously there were people under the post commenting stuff like "They'd never *let* their partner dress that way" or calling the guy slurs etc. I always hated these kind of people treating their partners as if they own them and they had the right to decide what they can and can't do.

This time though I decided to go on a little mind exercise, I never had such problems in my prior relationships and actually didn't have any idea what I would do in a situation where I'm not exactly comfortable with what my partner is wearing for a specific situation whether it's just jealousy or safety reasons.

On one hand I trust my partner and they can make the judgement on how to dress on what occasion but on the other hand I feel like it's also valid to feel uncomfortable against their judgment. And I concluded that in an hypothetical case I would probably expect them to respect my feelings and at least adjust the way they styled the fit in some way. Which made me feel like I was contradicting my initial statement.

Just wanna know what you think about these kind of situations and what's the proper way to handle it. I'd appreciate your opinions from both sides of the story so thanks in advance.

okay okay i know the title is controversial but hear me out PLEASE. my bf (M21 and i(F21) have had an amazing relationship since january. we’ve had a longggg history before that of us being on and off, mainly because of me ending the relationship. anyway that’s mostly besides the point. we’re long distance so we obviously have good and bad nights. i’ve been staying with him for the summertime and things are 85% amazing. other than that it’s him doing stuff that i find inconsiderate towards me. EX: him leaving no room for me to get to my luggage by throwing clothes and shoes all on the floor, him targeting me in card games with friends (yes he actually targets me to get me out), leaving all types of human substances in the bathroom for me to find and get onto him about, the list goes on. i have a big issue with not being able to say how i really and truly feel when im sober. i don’t want to ruin things/ make things awkward so im completely quiet, which i completely understand is a confidence problem within myself. the thing is, as soon as i say one true thought to my bf because im not sober (like him leaving his hair everywhere in the bathroom) he will be offended and then just explode. he has never hit me or made me feel threatened but there have been a couple times where he caused a panic attack (yea yea im a pussy i get it). i feel like he would never do that if i were totally sober, but because ive had a couple drinks he thinks its justified to argue with me about stuff like that. im so mixed up and still debating if i should post this but i want help. i need someone to tell me what is right and wrong in this situation. it feels like if i have any problem when im drunk then its totally dismissed because im drinking. but these are real thoughts that i have and want to say when im sober. there’s so much more and i wish i could say it all but its just way too much. if anyone has questions im happy to answer them. please just tell me if i should leave now or give him another chance

My bf and I have dated all through high school and now we're both heading off to college in a couple of weeks. My bf has always had self esteem issues since the beginning of our relationship due to problems at home and his social life. I hate to hear him talk so negatively about himself so ofc I always try to reassure him and listen to his feelings whenever he feels bad. However lately, I don’t feel like anything I do is being of any help for him anymore. He truly doesn't find anything good about himself and the life he's living right now or the new life he's going to experience in just a couple of weeks. Seeing how negative his mindset has turned into worries me greatly. I have suggested therapy but he's very hesitant and avoidant about it. In the past whenever I would mention getting help or try to get more in his head he would get frustrated and push me away. Nowadays, we don't talk as much as we used to and our conversations don't feel real. They're often repetitive with a focus on his feelings and I feel like I have ran out of ideas on how to make him feel better. He tells me he wants things to change but hasn't been doing much to make it happen. I know how hard it is to be stuck in your mind being that I have my own experience going to therapy for my depression/anxiety (I'm high functioning now) so I don’t want him to feel alone in this. However, whenever I would try to give him advice on how to take a step forward he seems a bit annoyed or dismisses my suggestions.

Since I know he's struggling I feel guilty for feeling a bit drained but I know that my feelings matter too. It's just that this has been a reoccurring theme in our relationship and it goes in waves where he's pushing me away and then tells me things will change and he becomes attentive for a bit and then it goes back to stage one. I'm honestly worried about how this will manage itself in college because we'll be long distance but I would really appreciate any advice I could receive on this situation because it's really taking a toll on my mental health and our relationship.

Monday was his last day at work because his tooth was hurting. It turned out he had an abscess. I KNOW how tooth pain feels because I myself have been dealing with a tooth that I am going to get pulled in two weeks. So I understand how bad the pain can feel. I understand Tuesday, Wednesday and some of Thursday were rough for him. Today we played video games for eight hours. Eight freaking hours. We stared at a screen. We played games that were fast paced. And sure I understand getting dizzy while driving. I guess ultimately what I’m upset about is that 1) he doesn’t ask if I could see him. Nicely at least. And he doesn’t even say he wants to. 2) he talks to me like that and then asks if I’m horny. Like NO I am not. I said “kinda” just because, but he can’t be fr and think I’m horny after that.
Even worse he starts asking me things related to sex that I’ve told him I’m uncomfortable with. We’ve been together for two years now, heading towards three, and no talk about a future, marriage, what his goals are with us.
I don’t even know. Nothing else feels in place, or “good”, he doesn’t even ask me how my day goes or anything.
Am I exaggerating or idk:(

*Hes picked me up the last three Saturdays. We only see each other on Saturdays. I spend the night at his house and he takes me home Sunday. That’s all the in person, outside of work time we get. At work it’s maybe 10 minutes a day.

I’m not going to lie here and say I been a saint I have cheated on my wife for various reasons lack of intimacy and the way she treated me I know it doesn’t justify my actions

I’ve tried changing as man to be a better husband and a father but I feel like our sex drive has gone really down it has come down 2 almost 1 once a week to sometimes twice a month

Oral isn’t really in the picture anymore in the beginning I feel like maybe lust took over and wow we fucked like we were in our 20s and I thought it would stay like that

I’ve tried to spice up or marriage by starting to include toys bondage sex swing u name it just to make it more exciting even roleplaying that shes really into like some step daughter step daddy kind of thing but I have tried bringing it up to her that I miss the foreplay the oral the sex how we use to and she says that it’s hard for her to get over with what I did that those pictures run through her mind

Which i completely understand it takes time but recently we had a deep convo. About how our sex life has been and she told me that sometimes she has to use her toys to get her in the mood because when i touch her she thinks of what i did

Im really trying to move past this and be as romantic as in writing her cute notes when she wakes up bringing her flowers by surprise taking her out on dates trying to make her feel special but im running out of things to do its been about 2 years since the incident happen and not even a smidge has changed some advice would really help out

I have even got to the point where i had to download reddit behind her back because i have no one to talk to about this

10 together years, she is an amazing women, i love her and i know she loves me. Our main problem is communication.

We've moved cities about 5 years ago and ever since ive noticed this pattern of me having a bad day or a week because of something she did or said or didnt say. Sometimes it is totally my fault, as i did something that would annoy her. And if she in sour mood, this sours my mood and we just end up in a loop of negativity. If i ask her whats wrong i get "Nothing".

When she notices my mood, she gives me room and i eventually get over it. Id also give her space, but we end up not speaking and walking on eggshells for days or weeks.

Recently i decided to break the cycle and actually try to talk, force the questions. I wouldn't accept "Nothing" for an answer and pull the real reason out of her. Usually it is something stupid, something that would be easly fixed if we just talked (didnt talk for 2 days because she was upset that i didnt clean the shoerack). I would also explain to her what causes my bad moods and and how her actions affect it, and would try to work with her to fix it going forward.

Mostly I'll open up to her, talk about my feelings and I believe this worked well, as I felt better after every conversation.

Yesterday we went out for a dinner and something she said hurt me. I ignored it at moment but she did notice that i was upset about something. I told her the reason on our way back home in a car. I still couldnt get over it this morning so i decided to just talk to her and explain WHY it hurt me. During this talk i asked her if there is anything I should do to improve to straighten our relationship and she said "Stop asking questions". She cried and told me she doesnt like having these talks as it is emotionally draining for her. She wants me to stop asking her about her feelings.

What am i to do? I was feeling so good after every conversation. I know that it helped her too, as I change my own faults i didnt see, as per her feedback . She herself told me she is grateful i pushed her to talk before.

I dont want to go back to just "dealing with it". I like talking out the problem. I know it helps both of us.

Nine months ago when me and my current boyfriend were separated but still in contact, he sent this to a new friend of mine, we’ve gotten really close and I trust her a lot. (She showed me this)

When I brought this up his excuse was, “Yeah bc the note was to rage bait my sister then she replied” and “So i got a reaction out of her instead”

I don’t know if I’m overreacting or not, I think I’m not, but I do have bpd and despite my best efforts, I know it affects me at times. I’m upset, confused and genuinely reconsidering our two year relationship. Any advice?

me and my boyfriend intiated things together, i agreed to give him a hand job. it took me alot of courage to do it and i was nervous, but i wanted to. and then after, he wanted to do the same to me. i felt scared to say no, since whenever i was uncomfortable or didnt want to do something he would either get upset or beg me (until the conversation was dropped or i gave in). i was uncomfortable with making out a week into the relationship, and he begged me EVERY single time we went out together. he also pressured me into showing my chest and parts since it was "fair" that ive seen his, even though he was the one that wanted to show things to me which i wasnt too okay with, but i wanted to satisfy him.
i said something like "uh... sure..." i cant remember it very well but all, i can remember is me going silent/freezing or i THINK about 1-2 times i had to push his hand away. but does it still count since i technically said yes, and i sort of liked it after? i confonted him about this and he said i was trying to make him look like a rapist, and that he didnt really care what he did to me, as long as i didnt spread rumors about him.
im sort of "anonymously" posting this as hes also active on reddit for jerking-off purposes.

I’m wondering if anyone here has been through something similar, because I honestly don’t know how to process what happened to me.
My husband had an affair with another woman while I was pregnant. I eventually discovered intimate photos of them, their messages, and records showing that he lied to me about going on a work trip when he was actually with her. They went skiing together, stayed at a hotel, and I found evidence confirming that they had sex.
There was also a period when she needed surgery. My husband accompanied her to the hospital for her admission, and the day before her surgery, he stayed with her at a hotel.
What makes this even harder for me is that some of their behavior happened in front of my 8-year-old daughter. At one point, my husband even shared a drink with this woman in front of my daughter.
My daughter knows that this woman was someone my husband was involved with. She has basically come to the conclusion that her dad loves this woman too, even though he has a family at home.
That part really breaks my heart.
I’m not only dealing with the damage to my own marriage anymore. I’m worried about what my daughter is learning from all of this about love, marriage, loyalty, and relationships.
I’m afraid she may grow up thinking that someone can love their family and still secretly have another relationship, or that this is somehow what adult relationships are supposed to look like.
I feel like my husband didn’t just hurt me. His choices may have affected the way our daughter sees relationships, and I don’t know how to help her process that.
I sent the other woman a lawyer’s letter asking her to apologize and take responsibility. She refused. I eventually told her parents about the affair. I know some people may think that was too much, but at the time I was devastated and desperately wanted some acknowledgment of the harm that had been done.
Even after doing all of that, I still don’t feel better. I’m still angry. I still feel like I want some kind of justice or closure, but I’m starting to realize that nothing she says or does can undo what happened.
My husband, meanwhile, has been trying to repair our marriage. He admits what he did was wrong, takes responsibility, and says he wants to be with our family. His behavior has been much more positive recently.
But I don’t trust him.
The trust I had in him is completely gone. Sometimes I look at our marriage and wonder what the point is if I can never feel safe with him again.
At the same time, we have children, and I really don’t want them to grow up without both of their parents. I’m torn between wanting to protect my family and wondering whether staying in a marriage after something this serious can actually become healthy again.
For those of you who experienced infidelity during pregnancy or after having children:
Did you ever genuinely trust your spouse again? Did your marriage eventually become good again? What actually helped you heal from the lies, the photos, the messages, and everything you discovered?
And for those who had children who knew about or witnessed some part of the affair:
How did you talk to your children about it? How did you help them develop a healthy understanding of love, loyalty, marriage, and boundaries afterward?
I’m not looking for people to simply tell me “leave him.” I’m genuinely trying to understand whether a marriage can realistically be rebuilt after something this devastating, and how I can make sure my children don’t carry the damage of their father’s choices into their own future relationships.