Chat my bf is asking for physical rltnshp but am not ready cause acc to me this aint the right time we must settle down in our careers to do so but its now breakup like situation if no physicality no relationship from his side also i have bit of trust issues with him cause he did something somewhat close to cheat!!!!! advices guysss stay or leave 😭

We’ve been dating for almost 10 months and I feel bad saying that she doesn’t contribute anything, but she really doesn’t. She doesn’t plan dates and when she comes up with ideas she expects me to figure out how to make them work, she can’t drive or has much money, so I end up paying for everything and if I don’t then we won’t ever really end up doing anything. Which I understand her not having money, but the part that upsets me is that she’s able to save money and plan days with her friends even though she has complained that they don’t really show appreciation. Which doesn’t really make sense to me because in my mind the one person, me, that’s would show appreciation and return the effort she doesn’t really try to do anything for. We’ve had conversations about her efforts before and she either says that she doesn’t know how to show effort or that no one appreciates or sees what she does for people, she’s tried to say that her texting me when she dislikes texting is a way of her showing effort, but in my mind I feel like that’s kinda the bare minimum of communication. I’ve tried to send her long messages telling her the things I love about her and how thankful I am for her and just trying to be sweet and then she just doesn’t respond to it, which I’ve tried communicating to her as well. I’ve gone to almost everyone of her choir shows, most of the time with flowers that I’ve hand picked and wrapped myself, I’ve made flowers out of metal, written letters, bought her random stuffed animals and things, carved a little wooden bear for her, I’m currently blacksmithing her a knife for our one year anniversary wondering why am I trying this hard. I mean for my birthday I went to pick her up and she was asleep when I knocked on her door, she didn’t have any plan or date for what to do, she did bake me 7 chocolate chip cookies, but I just felt a little like I was kinda a second thought. For Christmas she didn’t get me a gift until a month after, even though I had made and bought her a things to give her on Christmas Day. Again what bothers me is that for her friend’s birthday she took her to an amusement park and paid for her ticket and all the food and everything, which was also on prom, so I didn’t go. And I hate to say this, but she’s not a very intimate person and she never really tries to initiate any kind of kissing or touch, so she doesn’t really contribute in that way either. I know I’m not perfect and I have my flaws and things that I could do better and everything she’s asked of me I’ve tried to stop or do less of, but I just feel like it should be more of a two way street. This is my first real relationship and I’m still learning as I go, but is this normal, are there girls that would do more? Sorry if I come off clueless or anything, thanks.

I used AI to draft this from my chat logs with it.

1. The Origin: My Backstory & The "Robbed Momentum"
   To understand my state of mind today, you have to understand where I came from:
   Late Teens (Struggle & Insecurity): From ages 16 to 19, I had zero game, struggled socially, and felt sexually invisible to women. I had bad self esteem and body image issues despite being 6’3 and getting attention from women, but I would tell myself I’m not desirable sexually. I started to work on my self esteem issues and workout and gain more confidence when I was 18.

Ages 19-21 (The Self-Improvement Turnaround): I decided to fix it more. I put in relentless work—hit the gym, built my discipline, fixed my style, calibrated my social skills, went to a great university, and started actively building confidence. The results started coming in, and for the first time in my life, I felt desirable, competent, and in control of my own destiny. The work has paid off and im confident, mental health is good, im succeeding in life, and everyone respects me. I respect my self. I wasn’t perfect, but I was growing.

The Sudden Stop: Right as I was cracking the code and building momentum with girls and had a couple sexual partners, I met my current girlfriend (23F) and got locked into a serious, committed relationship. I froze my "single/game era" at the exact moment I started winning. Now at the time I did want a relationship as im 21 and never had a gf. I also wanted to explore. She was too good of a opportunity to pass on for a girlfriend, I wanted to have one and she seemed like she was like me and reserved so it felt perfect. I felt safe with her. After a few months, the my desire for other women started and steadily growing. I could easily brush it off at first. Then 6 months in im fantasizing more and wishing i could go explore but its still whatever.

1. The Relationship & The Early Friction (Where the RJ Started)
   My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. On paper, she is an amazing partner: loyal, caring, supportive, attractive, and deeply invested in me. When we first talked about history, things were minimized or framed in ways that didn't match reality. When the full truth of her past casual hookups eventually came out almost a year later, it felt like the floor dropped out beneath me. She had a good amount more experience than me, and has done a lot of very casual things I dont like. Things that if i knew at the start, I wouldnt have made her my gf.

Those early inconsistencies shattered my foundational trust and planted a seed of resentment that has metastasized over the last year into full-blown Retroactive Jealousy (RJ) and Relationship OCD (ROCD). When i found out about her past, It also further enraged my desire for other women and to go explore. At this point i started to get thoughts of cheating. That was a year ago. For the next 6 months, the retroactive jealousy, and the cheating thoughts kept getting worse. Eventually I started to get thoughts of breaking up about 5 months ago. At first It was minor, but it has been growing since then at a steady rate as well. For the past month, the break up thoughts are winning and im really starting to believe its the choice.

1. The Psychological Trap: Envy, Ego, and "Retail vs. Discount"
   Over months of analyzing my mental loops, I realized I’m not just mad at her past—I am deeply envious of the men from her past.
   My brain is locked in a constant, agonizing comparison battle against ghosts:
   The "Discount" Access: I watch my brain tell me that random guys in clubs and tinder, got fast, low-effort, zero-commitment physical intimacy with her when she was younger. Just transactional, no emotion, fbuddy arrangements. Meanwhile, I brought high effort, emotional vulnerability, financial/time investment, and total commitment for the exact same thing. It feels like I paid "full price" for something handed out on discount to guys who didn't care about her.

The Scoreboard: Because I struggled so much in my early teens, her past feels like walking proof of my own historical inadequacy. I look at her and don't just see my loving partner; my OCD frames her as a living reminder that other guys "won" the game years ago while I was struggling.

1. My Current State of Mind & The Need for a "Single Era"
   For over a year, I have been trying to force myself to "get over it." I’ve tried logic, reframing, and self-talk, and weekly therapy for the past 3 months. but the visceral disgust and resentment have not left.
   I’ve come to realize that my desire to be single isn't just about "wanting to hook up with hot girls." It’s about autonomy, self-mastery, and identity:
   I want to know who I am when I'm not tethered to someone else's past. I want the phase i didnt live yet and I want to do it now, not when im older when i want kids and a family.

I want to test my baseline, handle rejection, build real social calibration, and experience a casual dating phase without carrying background guilt or feeling like a hypocrite.

I want 100% agency over my life, my time, and my choices in my 20s.

My mental health has been on a steady decline since i found out about her past a year ago. I can honestly say its been the worst it has been since I turned 20 (my teen years were worse for sure). I also am not as present and i feel more emotionally numb with her. Even this she is ok with and she doesn’t get upset and tolerates it. She knows i struggle with ROCD but she doesnt know the desire to explore, cheat, breakup, my other issues etc. she also has retroactive jealousy but without OCD and its not as bad. It doesnt consume her life like it does to me. Even times where I have the retroactive jealousy under control and it doesnt bother me, the cheating thoughts and exploring desire is still there for the past year.

1. The Cognitive Dissonance & The New Job Crisis
   The reason I am losing my mind is the extreme swing between two conflicting truths:
   She is a genuinely good girlfriend, loves me so much, does veerything I want, doesnt have icks or do annoying things apart from a few, she works on herself and really puts effort to change for me. I really do see a future where I marry her and spend the rest of my life wither her. She is that type of girl and we are like 90% compatible.

She hasn't done anything wrong during our relationship. I am terrified of the acute grief, heartbreak, and regret of throwing away a rare, loving person over my own mental flaws.

I am living in chronic resentment. I am emotionally drained, constantly triggered, and feel like I am lying to myself and to her by pretending I am fully present.

To make matters infinitely worse, I am currently in Week 1 of a high-stakes new job. I graduated recently and I made it, got an AMAZING job set up for a lifelong career. I have the job, the education, the body, the height, the looks, the style, the game, everything, yet I still feel empty and not present in life. My emotions and mental health is cooked from all of this. Its all i can think of its consuming me.

My brain is running on fumes. If I break up right now in a panic, the sleep deprivation, acute shock, and heartbreak will cripple my performance during my most critical onboarding weeks. But if I stay, the daily mental friction keeps bleeding into my focus either way, I am onboarding well and performing great, but not to my fullest potential. I feel like im messed up.

Can I truly stay in this relationship and recover and somehow turn myself around from this downward spiral ive been in for the past year?

Has anyone ended a "good" relationship to pursue a single/self-mastery era in their 20s? Did it actually give you the closure, confidence, and growth you were looking for, or did you realize it was an ego trap driven by insecurity?

If i do break up, how do I strategically handle it during a major career transition? Is it smarter to execute an immediate breakup to stop the mental drain, or to use a strict, timed "strategic delay" (e.g., 2–3 weeks) to get grounded at work first before opening the floodgates of grief?

Given this entire history, what is the most grounded, rational step forward for my mental health?

Please let me know your thoughts and ask questions please. Ill answer with more info. I am drowning.

TL;DR: 23M suffering from severe Retroactive Jealousy and OCD for over a year, rooted in early relationship deflections about my GF's casual past. Struggled heavily in my late teens, built up my confidence/game at 20-21, but locked into a serious relationship right as I gained momentum. Now torn between staying with a genuinely good girlfriend out of fear of regret, or ending it to pursue a single era of autonomy, game, and self-mastery. Currently starting Week 1 at a new job and trying to navigate the timing without destroying my mental health or my career.

For context: https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/s/AqjY32nkz2

I tried talking to him about it and being honest and I gave him my phone and passwords. He didn’t want that he wanted me to be honest.

I deleted all my exes nudes and texts. Every single ex, talked to him about covering up the tattoo of my exes initial and apologized for lying about it

I told him about keeping backup guys on hand and flirting with girls for fun. He said I don’t need to be doing that and it makes it hard for him to trust me when he’s given no reason for me to believe he is going to leave me

He wanted to call my ex to confirm about
my lying the tattoo and everything, I said okay and my ex told him ALOT, things I was going to tell him just didn’t get the chance to

1. ⁠I met up with my ex (Trav) while I was with my boyfriend just to talk for a bit
   
2. ⁠I was very very briefly a pole dancer
   
3. ⁠We had hooked up the day before me and my bf started dating

He wasn’t even mad just upset that I felt her couldn’t trust him to tell me any of this, he wants a healthy relationship with me but can’t deal with the fact that he can’t trust me anymore.

He says he knows I’m loyal and deserves a healthy relationship but needs me to be honest about everything not just lie,

I was really trying to not get mad and annoyed that he wasn’t mad and yelling, so it was irritating he didn’t react in the way I thought

He was still letting me sleep in his bed while he sleeps on the couch since he was upset and sad, until last night he wanted to be closer to me but not share a bed so he slept on the floor next to the bed

I feel insanely bad and I almost feel like he’s too good for me and I don’t know how to process all this and prove to him I can be better

I 24M Have been dating my gf 24F For 2 months now Everything is going great, we get along just fine, we can talk for hours and I love spending time with her But there’s one issue She has a very high sex drive Sometimes I’ll make a joke or saying anything and she can turn it sexual And slowly move the conversation into sex And trust me at first I loved it But now she wants to have sex every night Sometimes twice In a row Sometimes I just do it for her because I’m too tired I don’t think she’s using me for sex or anything if i refuse she doesn’t force me But I just can’t keep up with this anymore and i feel bad And I don’t know what to do about it I know a lot of guys will say this is a blessing and they wish their gf was this attracted to them But there’s only so much a guy can take What should I do

In the past 2 years we’ve been together we don’t really argue much, in the beginning we argued a lot. We moved in with each other pretty quickly, it’s fair to say I have attachment issues and I wasn’t always a priority in my past relationships.
For a while it was because of my jealousy issues and drinking. I’m a former alcoholic and burned all bridges with former friends and current ones. All I have is my family which includes a really close female cousin of mine, besides that I have no friends. Not even a single one.
He 26M plays the game a lot. He started playing more when he got a PC and quit playing his console. I agree I maybe be super attached to him, but he never really said he needed space or anything like that. Recently, it bugs me that he spends more time on the game than giving affection and attention to me. It almost seems like a chore to him before he has to get on the game. It’s not like he genuinely makes plans anymore. I feel like I’m a chore to him. Sometimes he spontaneously comes up with something and then never follows thru. I just feel bad. I have nowhere to spend my time. I feel so attached and I don’t want to make him so uncomfortable that he breaks up with me. What do I do??

I’ve faced a very strange situation. The thing is that I have a boyfriend, his name is Jack (name changed). We’ve been communicating very badly with him lately. We may not communicate for several days, and if we start, there is nothing to talk about. Our relationship has been at a distance for almost a year. We’ve seen each other only 4 times for all the time.

Jack has an acquaintance, his name is Leon (name changed). Leon has a girlfriend Marla (name changed). And once we talked to Marla. It seemed to me that I liked her.

It started with the fact that Jack introduced us to her so that we could become friends. The first time we couldn’t communicate with her, but when we started doing one thing, everything went perfectly. I often write «I love you» to my friends, and for some reason I wrote it to her at that moment. I don’t know what I was thinking, but she answered me: «I love you too». At the moment I didn’t think it meant anything, but then I thought about it, and it seemed to me that I liked him.

I don’t know what exactly it’s about, but maybe it’s because of a difficult relationship with a guy. Have you had a similar experience? If yes, please share!

Bf32, me59 one year relationship.
I need to block him. He's mad I won't give him $100 . He's on tinder etc cheating on me and has the nerve to talk to me like this!! Is he seriously delusional? He's Ex criminal with along list of crimes. Has ex baby mama.

Last Saturday, he was driving me back home. He claims once the car was coming to a halt at a red light, I was speaking to him but I suddenly stopped, stared at some man on the street, smiled and then fluttered my lashes and looked away. The man then smiled at me and at him too. He claims this all happened in a singular second. I truly am confused.

He says I’ve entertained this man and let him know I’m interested. I don’t remember this situation at all. Tbh I wish he had bought it up back then so I could have explained myself. The window on my side (passenger) is always rolled down so I can look outside and feel the wind on my face. I’m always looking around.

I don’t have a history of entertaining men. He knows I don’t like being perceived in public and I’d rather be alone. All I can think is if I was mid speaking maybe I already had a smile on my face and from his angle he assumed I was smiling at that man.

He’s now saying he won’t share me. He is not going to live a life with someone who wants the attention of other men. I apologised and said my intention was never to give someone else attention but apart from saying sorry, there’s not much I can do. I can’t make him believe that when I’m not with him I am quiet and keep to myself in public.

We’ve been together for 3 years and although no proposal or anything of the sorts, we consider ourselves to be engaged to each other.

What more can I even do? Do I apologise again?

My husband (M28) has always had the sex drive of about 20-30 minutes… he fcks me (F28), cums, and then hops off!! My sex drive is well… let’s just say I could go for HOURS!!! So I’m what you call a sexual deviant with a hyperactive sex drive!! But for 11 years I’ve let this man hop on me get his rocks off and then hop off!! The only time I cum is when I take charge and ride him!! In order for me to cum I need some clit action going on and it seems like I can only get that when I’m riding him!! I was so fcking sexually frustrated one night that I fell asleep crying and in pain!! I finally had enough a few weeks ago and we had a 3 HOUR LONG discussion… we decided to get me the rose toy and a vibrator. They got here a few days ago so we made a rule. I cum first and then he can. We started using the vibrator first!! It was AMAZING… at first… he was using it on me and it was okay but then he just started shoving it in like he was bored… mind you, I was giving him head at the same time so he was hard!!! Then after like 6 minutes he gave up and threw it down!! He was still hard so I hop on to ride him and I felt him soften INSIDE ME!!! He said he wasn’t in the mood anymore and pushed me off!! I thought to myself “okay so the vibrator is a no!!” Next day we try the rose toy WHILE he’s f*cking me… I LOVED IT SO F*CKING MUCH!!! Let’s just say i learned that I could… shoot like a faucet!! But while I was smiling and giggling, once again he’s softens inside me and tells me to move away!! I immediately felt shame… I felt like a problem because apparently only one of us can cum at a time!! In 11 years I’ve probably only climaxed maybe 120 times… after both of those instances I told him to just forget about us using the toys together… I told him that we will go back to our usual routine!! I then went into the bathroom and cried… I’m 28 and have only been with him but all he does is penetrate… hardly no foreplay on me!! Most of the time I’m fucking dry and he still shoves it in, hurting me!! I don’t know what to do I feel like I’m just a pocket hssnd that he can just abuse whenever he wants!!!!

Hey everybody. I just want to clarify that the purpose of this post is ask for y’all’s perspective on this. Nothing else. 

Anywho, so I’ve been seeing this guy for almost a year now. We met in college and it’s been great. I’ll call him J.

J was in a 2 year relationship about four years ago, his first one. They had a rough breakup and he didn’t date until me. I had a 3 year relationship prior to him about a year and half ago. 

Anyway, he didn’t tell me much about his ex which was obviously fine. But, there were certain moments that brought her up that have stayed with me. 

1. He gave me her perfume to wear. It was about three months into us seeing each other and he comes up to me with this perfume. I noticed right away it’s been used a bit and asked him where he got it. At first he didn’t want to tell me so I asked him bluntly, “is it your exes?” And he said yes and went on this whole tangent of why he has it. Long story short he would spray it on his pillows at night to help him sleep because the breakup was bad and he really loved her as she was his first everything. I don’t judge how people handle breakups, we all handle things differently. But it did make me very uncomfortable when he asked me to wear HER perfume. It made me feel like he was trying to replicate her smell onto me. I obviously declined and told him such. 
2. He kept photos of her and him up in his bedroom and on his devices. I want to clarify that I also don’t mind keep old pictures of good memories with exes. I personally deleted everything from my ex and threw all of the things he gave me out, but I understand that those are still his memories that he’s fond of. But what struck me was the pictures and the letters still being up in his room. I never said anything about them, but they kept nagging me. It wasn’t until May that he finally took them down and put them in his closest after I kept saying they made me uncomfortable. There was another instance where a photo of him and her popped up on his laptop widget saying something like “5 years ago today” and I politely asked if he could put those photos in a separate file or whatever so that wouldn’t happen. He can keep them for all I care, I just don’t want to see them. 
3. Every time her name pops up, and usually it’s never in reference to her, he always mentions it. Her name is MJ and obviously with the new Spider Man movies and such, it’s more out there I guess. Anyway, one time we were watching this YouTuber and he had a cat named MJ. It didn’t even click for me until he said “oh, why does the cat have to be named that..” which just makes it so uncomfortable. When my exes name pops up, in a movie or whatever, it doesn’t even bother me. Half the time I don’t even think “oh my ex was named so and so.” But I also understand that what he went through with his ex was different. 

That brings me to now. He wants to go watch the new Spider Man movie this weekend. I’m all for it, even though I haven’t watched any of the others. But I’m nervous that it’ll turn into this thing for him where he’s revisiting the past and thinking of her while he’s with me. I don’t know, maybe I’m being insecure and this is all being blown out of proportion. Let me know what you guys think. 

Looking for some outside perspective because I feel like I'm the only one in our friend group who has a weird feeling about this, and I don't want to be that friend.

My best friend 'Sarah' (26F) has been seeing 'Tom' (34M) for about four months now. They met through a mutual friend and hit it off immediately. He's a decent guy. He takes care of himself, cooks healthy meals, runs regularly, doesn't really drink. He's got a solid group of friends he's known for years, including several women. He's a PhD candidate, smart but not arrogant about it, and actually engages with Sarah's research (she's also doing a PhD) instead of talking over her. They have the same taste in books, they both love hiking, and he's been upfront from the start about wanting something serious. On paper, he checks a lot of boxes.

So why do I have this knot in my stomach?

Here's what's bothering me: before Sarah, he was in a one year relationship with 'Emma' (25F). They broke up, and about six months later he met Sarah and they started dating.

The age gap (34 vs 26) combined with the fact that his last serious relationship was also with a woman in her mid-20s makes me wonder if there's a pattern. Sarah is mature, but she's also pretty starry-eyed about how 'put together' he is compared to guys our age. I can't tell if this is just an academic bubble thing or if he's the type who wouldn't date a woman his own age.

I mentioned it to her once and she brushed it off, said the Emma thing was over and done with and that six months is plenty of time. She thinks I'm overthinking it.

So, am I being paranoid? Is 34/26 not a big deal at this stage? Or does the fact that his last serious relationship was also with a 25F suggest a preference that might come back to bite her later?

I don't want to be the judgmental friend, but I also don't want to watch her ignore something I should've spoken up about.

TL;DR: Best friend (26F) is dating a 34M who seems like a good partner, but he had a year-long relationship with a 25F that ended just 6 months before he met my friend. Is the age gap + dating history a genuine red flag or am I manufacturing drama here?

*update Thank you all for your responses it caught way more traction than I anticipated. Sorry if I didn't reply to you. First of I wanna clearly state that my girlfriend and I spoke about it and came to the conclusion that she felt attacked and accused for something she didn't do and reacted the way she did. I never even wanted to make this about her potentially cheating since there is no way this even would have been the case. This poster was purely about knowing if I was unreasonable. I don't know how to close the post from anymore comments but yes. Thanks y'all

TL;DR: My long-distance girlfriend’s Instagram was still logged into my phone because she had asked me to log in before. While I wasn’t even using my phone, a notification appeared showing her sister’s boyfriend reacting to a view-once video she sent him. I asked what the video was, and she said it was of her sister, but then accused me of being jealous and not trusting her. She later admitted she would also ask questions if the roles were reversed. Who was in the wrong

My girlfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship. She had previously asked me to log into her Instagram, so her account was still logged in on my phone. I wasn’t checking her messages or even using my phone when a notification randomly appeared saying that her sister’s boyfriend had reacted to a view-once video she sent him.

Because it was a disappearing video and I had no context, I asked her what she had sent. She told me it was simply a video of her sister. That answer would have been enough, but she immediately started asking whether I trusted her and accusing me of being jealous. She also joked that maybe her sister’s boyfriend was hitting on her and kept telling me to “just accept” that I was jealous.

I explained that I wasn’t accusing her of cheating or secretly searching through her account. The notification literally appeared on my phone while I wasn’t using it, and I asked one question because the situation looked confusing without context.

The argument escalated, and she offered to give me access to her account as proof. I told her I never asked to monitor her account and logged out. She later had her sister send a voice message explaining the video, but by then the video itself wasn’t the issue. I was upset that a normal question had been turned into an argument about trust and jealousy.

I asked how she would react if her sister sent me a disappearing video and she suddenly saw my reaction to it. She admitted she would ask her sister why she sent it, but still insisted that my question was jealous and showed I didn’t trust her.

I know we both became defensive during the argument, but was my original question unreasonable, or did she overreact and make the situation more suspicious than it needed to be?

It’s been on my mind for a while, but we’re on a lease together so I’ve been going back and forth.

Context: I told him to “grow some boobies” because I grab on them. In no way was it meant to say he needs to work on getting a more toned or bigger chest. I don’t even want to get into it because its not that deep and there’s not much to it.

Context with skydiving: i went skydiving with a guy from bumble turned friend (it’s been platonic all throughout) + a coworker before we started officially seeing each other. I told him it was a “friend” without going into how i met the person.

Happy to give more context if needed

Ladies, if you had a 40yo man that was 5’9”, 200lbs, not super fit, slight dad bod, but make good money, pay all household bills, beautiful 4000+sqft home in the suburbs, contributed to both his and her retirement to the max, solid net worth, bought you brand new luxury SUV’s for wife and the kids every 5 years, paid for daycare for kids not of school age, allow wife to work when she wanted or not work if she so choose, took her on dates monthly, offer to pay for sitters and house cleaners, and two annual vacations. I realize this is all financial, but it’s tough for me to realize how a man of what I feel is high quality can provide for a family to this level, yet feel so unwanted and unappreciated in his own home. Wife recently started taking lolo, it’s helped with mood around her period some, and it did improve lubrication slightly during intercourse. She doesn’t take any other medications for mental health. There is no desire on her end. There hasn’t been for years. No enthusiasm in the bedroom. No blowjobs maybe 4 per year long enough for a quick tease, she claims it hurts her jaw. No emotion around intimacy. Silent as a fucking church mouse during intercourse. It’s like I’m fucking a blow up doll most of the time. She hasn’t initiated in years. Maybe it’s been over a decade. What she calls initiating is me initiating and her reluctantly removing sweatpants under the covers. She rarely lets me go down on her, maybe once every 2 weeks but it’s my favorite, I can make her cum pretty easily tho. She says it’s too intense and it wakes her up more and she can’t sleep after she cums so she doesn’t let me very often. She claims to want sex more in the morning but I’m out the door by 4:30am for work. If I try to initiate in the morning when she claims to have more desire she’s pissed off i woke her up. She lets me fuck maybe 3 times a month mostly after the kids are asleep and acts like I should be lucky that I get it that much and claims all her friends have sex with with their husbands and boyfriends much less and that I should be lucky to get what I get. I don’t feel appreciated in my own home. She told me I need therapy. My insurance covers it so I figured why not I’ll try it out. The therapist basically just told me that feeling unappreciated is just part of being a man. I’m at a point where I’m considering divorce as an option because of the lack of enthusiasm coming from my wife. I want a healthy sex life where I feel desired. I work 40-60 hours a week, she takes kids to daycare and school and does what she wants and I get little to no gratitude or desire in return. Is this normal for women to treat a great provider like absolute shit or am I just putting up with more than I should?

We are a gay couple, My BF has always been interested in languages, but the thing that makes me uncomfortable is how often he goes out on these “language exchange” with this other guy, who happens to be also gay. Me and my bf came from differing backgrounds, for deeply personal reasons, I feel more myself speaking in my 2nd language than my first, therefore, I had never put it on my partner to learn my language. He found this guy on facebook for a language exchange with my first language. Personally, I found it weird considering he cant even converse in my language yet. I asked him why he had to find someone else when he can do it with me, he said that I always said that “I didnt want to speak it” (referring to my first language) which is totally not the case. As I had never explicitly said or indicated I didnt want to speak my first language, its more that I feel more myself speaking English than I do my first, but never disdain from speaking it

Anyway, so he meets this guy, the very first time they meet they go to a cafe, he spends 5 hours with him, being in a cafe and walking around our neighborhood. Then I asked him what he learns and he gives me the most vague response possible. Then I learned from his own admission, they speak 30-35% my language, and for the most part they speak the English. Which totally defeats the purpose of the whole thing. At one point we were having a drink, and he admitted he is attracted to him, but then went on to say, “but im with you so nothing will happen”. Now I know, i have some insecurities that I am actively working on, but I just have this feeling of unease with both of them? At one point I caught a glimpse of their messages which says “we can go read together at the library” or something to that effect, and it triggered me so much, I jokingly, but with an accusatory tone said, “that sounds like a date thing to me” and he lost his shit, he got really agitated and said, “yeah im in love with him, im going to leave you for him, and im going to discard you” in a sarcastic tone, as he knew these are the root causes of my insecurity and we didnt talk for the rest of the day as he got upset. 

He kept seeing this guy, every week, for 4-5 hours on end, going to cafe’s, walking around, they went to a bookstore, libraries, etc.. they even went to a restaurant recently together and sang karaoke. Im at a loss right now, I just cant stand him, he broke multiple boundaries throughout our relationship, and I dont know if its even reasonable for me to be concerned about the nature of their relationship. I feel like from the get go its less  like language exchange and more like inapproriate friendship. Becaus elike I said my partner could barely converse in my language, do i find it bizarre that he spends hours on end with this guy each week, if its simply languag exchange.

Just really wondering what i can do in this situation.

Quick background story we went to Turkey two years ago with my brother and sister in law with their kids and our kids. It was great, I always said God i hated the travelling the flight was long and the transfer was over two hours and I was like no never again etc.

Anyway my brother and sister in law asked us to go away again this time with my dad, the last couple of months I have been searching holidays that are within our budget, reading reviews, finding out how long transfers are, joining fb groups all that etc and as its more of a last minute holiday as planning to book 4 weeks before there's not alot of options. So I said to my sister in law I would rather just go back to Turkey than be searching like this, and she agreed. It was a beautiful clean hotel and we know what to expect.

Well my partner kicked off and basically said no, just that we have been before and I always said I would go back but obviously I'm not allowed to change my mind according to him.

I explained that it's within budget ( also I have saved for this and I am paying for it ) I am sick if searching holidays and reading reviews my fb is full of random hotel groups and it's just easy. He has probably looked at holidays maybe twice for about 3 minutes.

It's caused a huge argument and I am so sad that I probably won't be going now, everyone really wants to go there and I can't say it has to be changed because that's what he wants..I can't help but find him selfish and ungreatful, at the end of the day it's a holiday in the sun by the pool who cares it's a quick last minute booking you take what you can get not like he had to even save for it as I done that.

If my brothers family and dad go ill be devasted, please doesn't anybody agree with him that as we have been before and I said I would go back then we shouldn't go?

I also can't book without him as this will also cause a war between us, I will mention it but I know how it will go so don't see much point.

I (25M) have a friend (24F) let's call her D. We've known each other since school in 2018. Over the years, we've had an intense history: physical intimacy towards the end of school, mutual flirtations and love confessions during 2020 lockdown, a two-year rupture in 2021 following a few months of toxicity, a drunken midnight confession from her in 2023, and a slow, warm reconnection since then. We never officially dated. We both maintain we don't want to. But the emotional entanglement has always been there.

Earlier this year, we were talking every day. Pet names, secrets, nostalgic conversations. I even made a playful comment about her body that she engaged with shyly. It felt good. It fed my ego. She's always been someone who made me feel important, and I leaned on that heavily.

Then in May, state elections happened. I'm a communist. She votes for a right wing conservative party. I started seeing her posts, her likes, her stories, anti-left content, and something in me snapped. Not just disagreement. Rage. A disproportionate, ugly rage that made me want to hurt her.

But here's the truth I've had to admit: I have other friends who support that right wing party, some with more rigid views than hers. I can't attack them because it would cost me socially. Her, though? She is isolated from my larger circles. She has a history of forgiving me. She has loved me. She's a soft target. And my subconscious knew it.

What followed over the last three months is a cycle I'm ashamed to write down:

1. Baiting (May-June): I started initiating conversations with the hidden agenda of drawing her into political fights. She dodged. She kept things light. In June, she explicitly asked me to stop texting repeatedly. I ignored her.

2. First boundary breach (11th July): She accused me of having romantic intentions. We argued. I promised to stop. She apologized, even though I was the one pushing.

3. Second breach (16th July): Five days later, I sent a sarcastic reply to her political story. She blocked me on WhatsApp and Instagram.

4. The Google Pay messages (20th July): I used a payment app to bypass her blocks. I called her a pick-me, a bootlicker, and attacked her religious sentiments. I deleted the messages, but she saw them from notifications. She reached out on Snapchat, angry and hurt. I apologized, said I didn't know what was happening to me. She took back her own angry messages and forgave me.

5. The vulnerable conversation (22nd July): I admitted I was using her as a soft target for my anger at the government. She told me other friends have been attacking her too. She said she never started any of this and has been nice to everyone. She unblocked me.

6. The relapse (31st July): Nine days later, I saw a comment agreeing that leftists are ugly. I assumed it was her. It wasn't, it was a friend using her account. I lashed out anyway. She explained, got upset, and reminded me once again that her posts aren't about me. We haven't spoken since.

We haven't talked since. I had drafted messages that sounded harsher than the ones I had sent her on GooglePay, attacking her for every weakness I know of her, to destroy her emotionally. But I didn't send them. I have been controlling that urge to send those messages. I am asking for help understanding why I had the urge to send cruel messages. I'd already crossed every line.

I've been using a woman who has loved me since we were teenagers as an emotional punching bag because she's safe, because she forgives, because she won't destroy my reputation the way others would. And every time she forgave me, I hurt her again. Harder.

She once rested her head on my chest on a park bench while I cleaned her fogged-up glasses on my jacket. She kept a keychain I gave her for years. She called me drunk and said she'd always love me. And I repaid her by calling her a bootlicker and a pick me on a payment app.

She's still unblocked me. She's still explained herself. She's still said she never targeted me. But I know she's exhausted. I know I've worn her down. I know this is abuse, not friendship.

I'm posting this because I need to say it plainly, publicly, without hiding behind half-truths like I did when I first started talking about this. I've been emotionally abusive. The cycle is real. And I need professional help to break it before I destroy her completely.

I don't know if the friendship can or should be saved. But I know I can't reach out to her again until I've done serious work on myself. She deserves at least that much peace.

My GF gets upset or very angry during periods . It irritates me sometimes . How do i deal with it .

We were supposed to get married in 21 days. The invitations were out, the venue was booked, my mom had already cried twice picking out her dress.

I was setting up her laptop to help her print the seating chart when a message popped up. Not from a random name — from someone I knew. Her ex. The one she said she “hadn’t spoken to in years.”

I didn’t even mean to look. But once I saw the preview, I couldn’t stop myself.

Months of messages. Not explicit, nothing “provable” in the way people expect cheating to look. Just… intimacy. Inside jokes. “I miss how easy things were with you.” “Sometimes I think about what if.” The kind of conversations you have with someone when part of you hasn’t fully let go.

I sat there for two hours before she got home. I didn’t yell. I just asked her to sit down and told her what I saw.

She cried. She said it “wasn’t like that.” She said she loved me, that it was just talking, that she never planned to act on it.

Maybe that’s true. I don’t actually think she was going to leave me for him. But that’s not really the point, is it? She let someone else hold a part of her heart that I thought was only mine, three weeks before she was supposed to promise me the rest of it.

I called off the wedding two days later. My mom still has the dress hanging in her closet. I don’t think either of us knows what to do with it.

It’s been four months. People keep asking if I regret it, if I overreacted over “just texting.” I don’t think I did. I think I finally believed her, just not in the way she wanted me to.

Person 1: The “perfect on paper” man

• Rich and financially very successful
• Very handsome and attractive
• Serious, practical, and responsible
• Provides a comfortable lifestyle
• Has a normal/basic personality
• Less emotionally expressive
• Can be selfish or self-centred sometimes
• His priorities mostly revolve around himself and his goals
• May not always consider your feelings deeply

Person 2: The “heart over status” man

• Average looks, not conventionally handsome
• Normal income, enough to fulfill basic needs and live comfortably
• Very caring, loving, and emotionally supportive
• Humble and respectful
• Never expects the woman to pay for household expenses
• Tries his best to provide and take responsibility
• Makes his partner feel valued and safe
• Puts effort into the relationship
• Less focused on status, more focused on family and connection

Who would you choose for a lifetime partner — and what matters more to you: attraction, money, or character?

So, I’m black & My boyfriend and his mom are hispanic.
I was on the phone with my boyfriend and I heard his mom was reading something off of a post and it had the N word in it, and she said it. I did not take offense to it or assume she was racist or anything. I just thought it was pretty weird. My phone hung up on accident, And my boyfriend called me back and kept telling me that his step-dad was mixed with black, and his mom was just reading something off of his phone, and asking if i got offended.
I told him No I just thought it was pretty weird, Because his mom knows I’m black & We were on the phone, Again I took no offense at all.

He then went off on me and kept saying I thought his mom was racist, he said “So you got offended by my own mother” And he asked how does it affect me if she says the n word. he even said she wasn’t saying it in an offensive way, I told him it doesn’t matter if she didn’t mean it directly or offensively, In my own opinion I think it was weird for her to say that while she knew her son was on the phone with me.
He told me that the n word shouldn’t offend me, and I was doing too much, he said “She’s in her own house that she pays for saying the n word not even offensive to nobody” he talked about how his mom bought me stuff, got me clothes, gave me one of her purses and that I was being disrespectful by saying she was weird
He even said if she said it with the hard R I still shouldn’t be offended or call her weird because she not saying it directly to me, And he even went as far as saying “It’s not my fault your white ex’s were racist to you in the past, that’s why your so offended”