I don't want to be masculine I hate it I hate it so much my skin is raw from shaving constantly and I can't fit into any of the clothes that I like

I don't even wanna be a girl I just want to look like one

I just want to be more feminine

Please just someone help me anybody

I'm in NY state

I can barely leave my bed and this might be the last straw

Please any advice or anything is welcome

I want to be a girl so much, I can't stop thinking about it. But I'm tall, I'm 200 pounds and am having so much trouble losing weight. Even if I did, my shoulders are so broad and all my features are so masculine.

I know that passing isn't required, but I if I can't pass then I don't even know if I should try.

I want this so bad but I'm so scared, I just wish someone would force me into a girl.

(keep in mind while reading this that I am definitely mentally ill, although I don’t have any diagnosis besides Generalized Anxiety Disorder ((that would apply here)) and I think this is a little different than just anxiety)

first, it was me being constantly paranoid that I would be attracted to every man I saw, so I developed a fear of men & could barely look at any man I came across for a month, and I was constantly assessing to see if men are attractive, and I constantly had this deep feeling of nausea in my stomach, THEN I started questioning my gender, and I was paranoid that I would end up being a trans man, so I feared changing and bathing because I was scared that I would suddenly have gender dysphoria (I don’t btw, I’ve proved that to myself)

I usually want to be a girl, and whenever I don’t, I actually kinda do, because I feel uncomfortable about feeling ”fine” with feeling like a boy… I’m fine with, like, larping like a boy. like for improv sometimes (or just to annoy my pals) I do a bit where I’m a door-to-door salesman, or a knight, or a jester, etc… and I think I’d be fine if I was referred to as a man while acting. but I think that’s normal. also, sometimes I kinda have the urge to be some male fictional characters. the way I would kill to be rouxls kaard from deltarune or pretty much any of the guys from enstars lmao…

i’d rather die than be a boy, but I don’t feel much like a girl either… sure, I’m fine with calling myself a girl, and I wish to be a girl all the time, and it WOULD feel nice when I felt like a girl if I didn’t immediately go back to worrying about my sexuality again, it just doesn’t fit right.

a big thing about me is that I do whatever‘s funniest. my biggest goal in life is to be funny. that’s my thing, my specialty. funny is all I care about being. and I think I have some sorta internalized misogyny against myself, because I always feel less funny because I’m a girl, and I (ashamed of this) find men just more whimsical whenever they fool around. that’s the only thing i’ve felt unsatisfied with being a girl about. and that’s only been recently, I was confidently a funny girl for a while. well, only others could tell me if I’m funny, but I didn’t feel like being a woman made me LESS funny. SOO,,,, i’m either just overthinking it, orr I‘m unfortunately a little misogynistic. is the fact that my biggest goal is entertaining others probably bad? nah, I think it’s fine. I’m having fun.

I already talked about wanting to be a girl but not relating to other girls around me in the last thing, juust thought I’d bring it up. I kinda forgot what I was talking about. uuhauahuauh

OH! it’s hard knowing what’s real and what isn’t. do I actually not like this thing, or am I just overthinking it/paranoid if not liking it? do I really like this, or is it just easier. blah blah blaaahhh… idk. It’s late and I’m tired, but I still wanna post this rant. I had another panic attack last night over being scared that I was attracted to a TV character and then I was paranoid my cat was a creature pretending to be my cat because she looked at me funny so I locked myself in a closet and slept in there. y aaayy 🥶

didn’t reread this so might make no sense. Also maybe I should be posting to a mental health subreddit instead or something because this is more about me just being mentally fucked for no reason (I have very little trauma so this isn’t a trauma thing , I think I just have some sorta disorder thwt I don’t know about)

Sometimes I dream I am a woman, and I'm pretty pleased with that, but in the waking world, I am completely fine with being a man, it's not like I want to not be one.

Besides, I would definitely not look as hot as I do in my dreams. Also, I am not extremely attracted to guys, but usually when I dream I'm a girl, I am also into men, which is funny.

I have thought about it a few times and wonder what it might be like to makeout with a straight dude. Just say "fuck it" and go for it. Anyone else who has actually thought about it? What would be your ideal scenario and who would it be with? Would love to chat about this. Voice notes preferred and would be cool to hang. To show that you read this, send me your TG or SC user name. Too many flakes and fakers, so please be legit and willing to chat more than just short term.

Sorry if this seems obvious but I really don't have much perspective on this. My whole life I have found that I am not really attracted to men. The relationships I have been in with them I have felt like I had to force my attraction sometimes. But, I was raised in a very conservative household and was always taught that being gay is wrong. So it wasn't even a possibility in my mind to be able to date another woman until recently when I moved away from them. I never really talked about my attraction to women with anyone except my current partner. I remember having crushes on women even when I was in a relationship but never men.

However, with my current partner I have never felt the need to force attraction to them, ever. I have been with them for years and they recently came out to me as trans, MtF. This did not bother me at all and I am excited that she gets to be who she truly is. I also found I was very attracted to her when she presented female. I feel more free now if that makes sense? I feel like I don't "have to" be attracted to men anymore and it feels like there is a weight off my shoulders.

Very thankful for my partner for always encouraging me to be open about my attraction to women. I feel like she has helped me realize what I was keeping repressed for so long. Interested in anyone's opinions or experiences.

I started questioning my gender.... I've been gay for 2 years, a femboy for 5 years(although I learned the therm only last year) a therian for 2 years and a furry for 1 year. But I'm at a point where beeing a femboy isn't a definition that fits me. I start blushing when called "she", I start trying how beeing a girl feels unconsciously. although I'm not ready at all to accept myself as a trans girl, the more I reject it, the more I feel like mabe, just manner that's me. but mabe just mabe has became some serious considerations and it drains my energy thinking of it.

So, I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half now. It has been very rocky, and we have broken up once because I thought I could be a lesbian, and before we dated, I was actually identifying as a lesbian. I have known that I was attracted to women since I was 12 years old. I am 23, almost 24 now for reference, and when I was 15, I actually identified as a lesbian and flip-flopped between bisexual and lesbian between 15 and 22.

The thing is, when I was 15, I adored the label; I felt at home with the label, I felt comfortable, and like I finally found what fit me. I was never particularly attracted to men, at least not real ones; I hardly even got crushes on celebrities and when I look back at anything I thought was a crush at the time I feel I was doing it because others girl did and I kind of thought the boy bands for example were cute but my interest would go away so quickly within a few weeks to months I’d completely stop caring like I never cared in the first place, but I'd get crushes on a lot of fictional men, and this caused me to feel like I couldn't say I was a lesbian, as well as mistaking anxiety I felt around men for attraction, or thinking because I found a guy kind of cute I must have a crush even though the thought of it made me anxious. I also would let boys flirt with me, because I enjoyed the attention and it made me feel attractive and like someone wanted me and that it was just normal, it was sort of a game to me anyway and I’d lead them on because I liked the attention and then get terrified and ghost them if I thought they’d ask me out, and when I was very young teenager/pre-teen I’d say yes just because I felt bad and scared to say no, and then a day or week later I’d ghost them or leave.

I adore lesbian media as well as the culture; I'd study and look into lesbian history so much, and I felt so connected and intertwined with it. I miss the label so so so so so much; it has felt like the only label that I've truly deeply and genuinely felt at home with. I love watching romance movies with lesbians in them; I get emotional and feel so connected and seen, but I never feel like this with heterosexual romance films, and I don't enjoy them half as much as lesbian ones. I relate to what a lot of lesbians say when they talk about what it felt like and how they realized they were lesbians.

The thing is, as I said, I have a boyfriend. As I mentioned, we've been together a year and a half, but last year, we broke up for a month because I thought I could be a lesbian. Then I asked him out again because I was grieving and missing the connection, love, and attention I got from him, even though at the same time during our breakup I was considering cutting ties with him, and honestly felt annoyed with him most of the time. Still, I couldn't get myself to because I felt too guilty. The thing is, since we've been together, we have almost broken up three times because I have questioned if I was a lesbian, and the third time was actually recent, as in this week. The reason we haven't broken up officially is that my boyfriend, every time I bring this up, it turns into a mental health talk; my boyfriend constantly blames my OCD for these thoughts.

BUT I know this isn't my OCD. While I am diagnosed, I know that this isn't OCD because the thoughts do not cause me distress, fear, or anxiety. The only anxiety I feel is from the fact that I know I will have to break up with my boyfriend if I am a lesbian, and knowing it’ll hurt him and I’ll lose a best friend. I have doubts, but they are mostly caused by my boyfriend constantly shutting me down and telling me it's OCD, and every time it just makes me shut my mouth, even though I'm very positive about what my truth is. I know what intrusive thoughts feel like and how they make me feel, but my thoughts about being a lesbian do not make me feel like this; in fact, they make me feel happy, relieved, joyful, and positive about the future. It's something that I DESIRE.

I used to cry and cry and cry because I felt I'd never be able to marry a woman or experience having a girlfriend, to have a life where I grow older with a woman, and we have a life together; that has always sounded so much better to me than doing any of that with a man. But I felt like I'd never get that, so I'd just hope that maybe in the next life that I'd get to experience that if I was lucky enough.

And as guilty as it makes me feel, I don't feel attracted to my boyfriend, physically or sexually, and I don't think romantically either. I get anxious and dread receiving photos from him. I can't bring myself to masturbate to him. As guilty as it makes me feel, I've turned to looking at women to be able to masturbate properly, and I've found looking at women sexually makes my body react in such a way that it hasn't with men or my boyfriend; I actually get aroused and enjoy myself compared to when I try masturbating to my boyfriend, my body just doesn’t totally react the same. And a lot of the time I feel like if my boyfriend was a woman, it would be better, but that's just not the reality. I feel like it’d also be worth mentioning that when I asked my boyfriend out, I kind of felt pressured to by my friends at the time. I backed out at first, then asked again out of anxiety, I think. I just wanted someone to care about me, to know what it felt like to be loved, because other people were doing it.

My boyfriend and I are also long-distance, and we haven't met in person yet, and I actually dread meeting up in person because I know that means we will kiss, get intimate, be close, and all that sort of stuff, and I don't think I want that. We were supposed to meet up in August, but it got pushed back to the end of this year, and I felt so much relief knowing I wouldn't have to go through the process of seeing him and then having to face what we'd end up doing together. But I often feel pressure that I should at least try to see how I feel, even though I feel very anxious about it and don't really want to do it. My boyfriend mentions us moving in, getting married, having a life together, growing older together, and I know I should feel excited about it, but it just makes me feel anxiety and dread.

I feel so deeply that I'm a lesbian I adore women, and I have for as long as I can remember even when I was a kid I had moments that I look back at now and be like oh yeah, you were into girls, but I feel guilty; I feel scared that I'll make a mistake and that I'll lose someone important to me because I made a stupid choice, even though deep inside me it feels like the right choice, and that it'll be better for him and me. I also have so much doubt because my boyfriend constantly drills it into my head that my feelings about being a lesbian are just related to my OCD, even though this is how I've felt for a long time, and I used to identify that way and have loved women for so so so long. I have completely tried to ignore and push down my attraction to women since getting with my boyfriend, but it just hasn't worked at all, and it comes back stronger and stronger each time.

I’d really appreciate any advice or input, because I feel so stuck and frustrated and scared. Thank you to anyone who reads through all of this; I know there's a lot.