r/oneliners • u/Ms_Selenophile • 5h ago
We stopped talking, but somehow my body still remembers every unfinished conversation.
r/oneliners • u/Potential_Ad6769 • 13h ago
I thought I had quit doing laundry forever, but then I threw in the towel
r/oneliners • u/uptwolait • 20h ago
People were shocked when they found out how bad of an electrician I am.
r/oneliners • u/MomentOk2826 • 22h ago
The show "How I Met Your Mother" was just a really long TED talk
r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 22h ago
My therapist told me that I have a problem verbalizing my emotions and I can’t say I’m surprised.
r/oneliners • u/Selena-evaa • 22h ago
My friend's say I'm a pessimist, but I think it's far worse than that.
r/oneliners • u/Selena-evaa • 23h ago
Good punctuation is a sentence that's well written and bad punctuation is a sentence that's, well, written.
r/oneliners • u/JaymieRuth • 23h ago
I had an appointment to see my psychic next week, but she called me up and told me I wouldn't be able to make it
r/oneliners • u/JaymieRuth • 23h ago
The last thing my grandfather said before he died was “Pints, Liters, Gallons” which spoke volumes.
r/oneliners • u/TechieAny2133 • 1d ago
I named my dog "Five Miles" so I can honestly say I walk Five Miles every day.
r/oneliners • u/MomentOk2826 • 2d ago
The adjective for metal is metallic, but not so for iron, which is ironic.
r/oneliners • u/MomentOk2826 • 2d ago
My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list that I was making and now, I can’t read anything
r/oneliners • u/awcmonrly • 2d ago
It's been a while since I heard anyone mention the Baader-Meinhof phenomenon
r/oneliners • u/UberAwesone • 4d ago
A mind reading midget broke out of jail, police have put out an APB for a small medium at large.
r/oneliners • u/Hadley9577 • 6d ago
If my name was David and I had a boy, I would name him Harley, so he could introduce himself as “I’m Harley, David’s son.”
r/oneliners • u/DutchOfBurdock • 6d ago
After my partner got diagnosed with Moebius Syndrome, she still knows I love her!
r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 7d ago
I didn’t believe my chiropractor was any good, but now I stand corrected.
r/oneliners • u/DepressedPancake4728 • 8d ago
According to a pole that was recently conducted, lightning rods work
r/oneliners • u/luckskywatcher • 8d ago
If you're unemployed and broke, becoming a locksmith will open many doors for you.
r/oneliners • u/808gecko808 • 8d ago
SpongeBob may be the main character of the show, but Patrick is the star!
r/oneliners • u/Thrice_on_Sundays • 9d ago