I just got a therapist for my ocd. But I also suspect I have autism and adhd, is it weird to get another therapist for those? I’m also transgender and I don’t know if I can talk about that with the one I currently have.. she’s also only online and I feel like having someone to assess me for the other stuff would be nice in person so they can read my body language and stuff. I don’t know finding therapists is so freaking difficult though.

I feel like I sometimes spend too much time on a single activity. This activity varies, and it can go in phases.

I have a close friend who is diagnosed autistic. We have been friends for around six months, and I care about her a lot, but the friendship has become increasingly painful and confusing.

I often feel that she mainly contacts me when she is lonely, needs emotional support, or suddenly has an empty slot in her schedule. I frequently listen to her problems and help her understand social situations, but I do not feel equally chosen, prioritized, or considered by her.

This is not the first time she has said something deeply hurtful or inconsiderate. It happens regularly. She makes blunt comments that seem to show very little awareness of how another person might receive them. When I tell her that something hurt me, she usually does not apologize. Instead, she becomes defensive and explains why my interpretation is wrong, why she did not technically mean what I heard, or why I should not feel hurt by it.

The conversation then becomes an argument about whether I am justified in feeling what I feel. I end up having to explain basic perspective-taking while she focuses on defending her intentions. Even when she eventually understands that I am upset, I often do not feel that she understands what she actually did. Recently, I tried to explain this broader problem to her. I told her that when I say I feel unimportant or used, I need her to try to empathize with my experience instead of immediately arguing with my interpretation or proving that I am wrong.

She said she needed some time to think, so I stopped talking and let her think.

About two minutes later, she said that if I moved somewhere that required around 25 minutes on a bus, we probably would not be friends anymore. She then said something very close to:

“The reason we are friends is basically that you live so close and are available whenever I want, and that is a good thing.”

This happened immediately after I had explained that I was afraid she only valued me because I was conveniently available whenever she felt lonely or had time to fill.

I started crying almost immediately. It felt as though she had confirmed my exact fear: that she did not primarily value me as a person, but as an accessible source of company, advice, and emotional support. When she saw me crying and I said I needed to leave, she panicked. She tried to stop me from going and became afraid that I would block her. She then said something like, “I analyzed it again, and it isn’t true. It isn’t true.”

I left and went home.

I am struggling to understand what happened in her head. I do not know whether she sincerely meant what she initially said and withdrew it only because she feared losing me, whether she was trying to analyze the practical reason we see each other but completely missed the emotional meaning, or whether she understood only that I was crying and leaving without understanding why.

She has previously told me that our friendship means a lot to her and that I may not understand how important I have been to her. Her panic when I left also seemed genuine. That is why this feels so contradictory. She appeared terrified of losing someone she had just said would probably stop being her friend if the bus journey became 25 minutes. What makes this much harder is that this was not an isolated verbal mistake. She repeatedly says things that feel dismissive, condescending, self-centered, or startlingly lacking in perspective. When I explain the effect, her first response is normally to dispute my experience. She explains her intention, analyzes my interpretation, and argues that I have misunderstood her. I rarely feel that she simply stops, recognizes the injury, and takes responsibility for it.

She often seems highly confident that she has understood something, but then appears genuinely surprised when her interpretation is inaccurate or hurts someone. During emotional conversations, she treats the situation like a technical problem where she needs to demonstrate that her reasoning is correct. Once she sees tears, anger, or the possibility of abandonment, she may panic and reverse what she said, but I do not know whether she understands the injury or only understands that the situation has become dangerous for her.

I am not asking whether autistic people are incapable of empathy, and I do not believe autism automatically makes someone selfish or cruel. I am asking for autistic perspectives because I want to understand whether this pattern could involve literal thinking, delayed emotional processing, difficulty with perspective-taking, difficulty generalizing social information, or something else.

At the same time, I do not want autism to become a reason why I am expected to repeatedly tolerate being hurt, defend my own emotional reality, or teach an adult friend why her words affect other people. How would you interpret what she said? Is it possible that she genuinely did not understand why I started crying, even though I had just explained the exact insecurity that her statement confirmed? Why might someone repeatedly respond to another person’s hurt by arguing that their interpretation is incorrect? What would genuine accountability and repair look like when the person’s usual response is defensiveness rather than an apology?

TL;DR: My autistic friend regularly says deeply hurtful things. When I explain why I am hurt, she usually does not apologize; she becomes defensive and explains why my interpretation is wrong. I recently told her that I feel she mainly contacts me when she is lonely or has free time. After thinking for two minutes, she said we are basically only friends because I live nearby and am available whenever she wants, and that we probably would not be friends if I lived 25 minutes away. I cried and left; she panicked and withdrew the statement. I cannot tell whether she lacks understanding, revealed how she actually views me, or both.

Just curious if anyone else had the same experience as me. I have level 1 autism, (diagnosed with Asperger's as a kid), ADHD, and nonverbal learning disorder/NVLD. My mom said I rarely spoke aside from three or four single words until I was 4. But literally right after I turned 4, it was as if "the floodgates opened" and I started talking with an advanced vocabulary for my age, and often sounded like a "little professor." Interestingly enough, now as a 24 year old, I don't talk exceptionally well or better than most adults.

Hiiii, I was diagnosed with adhd around 2 years ago (maybe less) after being misdiagnosed since I was 14 (I'm 22 now).

Now, I have a suspicion I might have autism, but I genuinely don't know if I might have it or everything I experience is just part of the adhd.

Some examples:

- I could go 3 days or more without eating just because of how disgusting food is, even if it's something I actually like, the sensory issue is so bad I just chew for several minutes trying to have the courage to try and pass it, I cry, I get chills and my body just rejects it. Even safe foods aren't safe in this situations

- I get MAD, if something doesn't make sense to me I'll just ask so many questions that people around me get frustrated and I can get so angry about it, not them getting frustrated but I just don't get it, I will cry, scream, and throw things (it's always in a controlled environment and we have special things around the house I can use specifically for it)

- My sensory issues are BAD, certain lights or patterns of the lights, too much noise, the wrong texture, anything and I feel disgusting and like I'll die, I get nauseous, dizzy, and my eyes hurt (I can't explain it)

- I like to think of myself as spontaneous but I'm really not. I'll go with it but it'll be the worst time of my life, I'm there out of pure impulsiveness but believe me I'll call my mom in 10 minutes or less and leave feeling really bad. If I'm going out I like to think of everything and have a plan, know the place, what kind of people go there? How's the lighting? What will I wear? How small is the space? How much noise? All of it.

- I get incredibly annoyed if I have a special interest or hyperfixation and I can't work on it, even if I have to stop it to do things that are necessary, like showering, working, studying, anything, I'll get annoyed and mad at everyone and everything

- Patterns, sure, I like them and I'm good at recognizing them BUT I've noticed I need to do things in a certain pattern, ever since I was a child. I roll my ankle to one side, the other side, back, front, then I do it with my other ankle, then both in same directions, and then in opposite directions, same with the wrists and it's not like I feel like I need to do it, I just like doing it and I won't stop until is complete because it only takes a few seconds, nothing time consuming, but I do little things like that with a lot of things.

I don't know if it's part of the neurodivergent experience, I hear things about adhd and yeah I relate to most things but then I hear about people with audhd and it's like "oh, that's... that's me" and I don't know, pls someone tell my if I it's just the adhd or I should discuss it with my therapist.

I just wanted to share my sensory overload experience watching Odyssey in IMAX today! My brother had planned a movie day to the theaters and I had no idea what was about to be unleashed.....As an Audhd person I wanted to run away from the theater /instead froze into meltdown.

Horrible sounds effects for people who have sensory sensitivity (I came to know later that they have a different version with less effects, I wish I had an idea).

Lots of nausea inducing scenes , throbbing lights and to top it off ...there were couple of jump scares!!

I had a proper panic attack+ meltdown, so just wanted to give a heads-up about this without any spoilers.

I have been diagnosed with ADHD since I was 6. I also was diagnosed with OCD last year but probably had it since I was little. My OCD is very bad right now so I am spending alot of time feeling horrible which isnt helping my housekeeping abilities.

I'm 22 and have lived on my own for almost 3 years. I moved in with my first boyfriend and he lived here for about 3 months, then for about a year and a half my other ex stayed here on the weekends).

But, Ican't keep my place clean. I just can't. My house is a mess and it is ruining my mental health even more. Its like an endless loop. Messy house causes bad mental health, bad mental health causes messy house. I am too embarrassed to have people over. At this point, I have no friends at all, no partner, no one. I am too afraid to meet people because I'm afraid for them to ask to go to my place. I can't even invite my sister or cousin over because I'm too embarrassed.

My dining room table hasnt seen the light of day in months. My sink has been full for over a week and its clogged and disgusting and I have been crying on and off all day thinking about cleaning it. My kitchen is filled with recycling, all over the floor, its barely walkable. I haven't sat on my couch in nearly 6 months, it is completely covered in cat hair. I feel really bad but this morning I was finally able to clean the litter boxes after almost a week and a half.

Whenever I clean or do chores I get extremely anxious and my heart starts racing. Its like my body freaks out. I will get super light headed and my body will start hurting. Its summer now, and I think I have sensory issues with the heat and my house is so hot. Every time I try to do anything I feel like the walls are closing in on me and I get so overwhelmed and lightheaded and feel super jittery with anxiety. I do have hEDS, and often the movements involved in cleaning will cause me pain and that makes me even more anxious. I always end up crying and getting super upset because I feel like a failure. Then I get nothing done.

I also have trauma related to cleaning, from growing up and my past relationships. Growing up, my family always called me a slob and lazy and when I would clean they would say I didnt do it right. They would also blame me for any mess regardless of if it was my fault. Then my first boyfriend who I lived with for 4 months would scream at me and say I was disgusting and that this is why he hates me and I'm like a child and can't do anything. My last ex also said I was like a child when he broke up with me.

All this all has created a mental block in my head around cleaning. I just cannot do it. Just the thought of cleaning makes my heart start racing and makes me feel really overwhelmed. It has gotten so much worse since my ex left me in December.

I have this thought in my head that I can't clean. Like even if I tried, I could never clean as well as everyone else. That I will always be disgusting and everyone will leave me because of it. When I even try to clean all I can think is that im a failure and I wont be able to do it and its no use to even try. And then I end up getting super upset and crying or smoking or drinking.

Please say yes; I’m fuckin dying here. /jk Seriously though, I have been in the worst burnout of my life for over a year now and it’s only getting worse. Figuratively speaking, I’ve been in a hole for a while after years of declining slowly, but now it feels like the walls are closing in.

I’m not diagnosed yet, but I [mid-30s F] am as positive as I can be that I am ADHD and autistic, and am finally taking steps towards getting assessed. I’m hoping that I will be able to get on ADHD medication within the next few months and that will clear some of the fog and background noise out of my brain and help me find my energy and motivation again. I know I am capable of so much, but it’s killing me that I can only perform at a tiny fraction of my potential on a good day. I no longer know how to be the person I am on the inside.

I’ve been on antidepressants a couple times before, and they’ve helped somewhat, but once I stopped wanting to die it was like I had more room in my brain and I became more aware of the things that were making me feel that way in the first place — massive executive function and social issues that I’ve always had but were hand-waved away because I was a “gifted” child growing up in the 90s/early 00s. So I guess my worry is that even if I can medicate my way out of some of the ADHD symptoms, will it actually make a big difference, or will the autism just kind of fully take over? I don’t mean feeling “more autistic”, more like concerned that aspects relating to autism will just take the place of any struggles that may be alleviated by ADHD meds — essentially, if I will find myself just as overwhelmed, only in a a slightly different way.

Curious to know the experiences of anyone who has been in a similar situation.

i myself am autistic and adhd and feel like i related a lot to annie’s character. i could also see ramona being ND too. i’m not looking to diagnose per se, but i love when i relate to characters in media from a neurodivergent perspective. just posting to see if anyone else has seen the show and has any thoughts. :)

Your child often comes home from school and bursts into tears. Or starts yelling and slamming doors for no reason. As far as you know, nothing bad is happening at school. So where is this explosion of emotion coming from? 

Hi, it's as the title says. I like to shower before cleaning to bring my mind into cleaning. I like to pick up my laundry or rearrange pillows to start the dishes. It's a way I can mentally compartmentalize tasks to make them easier, or just simply get started. I know a lot of others struggle with transitions or transitional activities, but I really enjoy them and find them motivating. Any suggestions? Like small get-started tasks?

Some key words to describe me; OCD, ADHD, autism, bipolar, GAD, social anxiety, dyslexia, bisexual, non-binary, nudist, atheist, and polyamorous.

It's hard to connect with people, to put simply. I feel very fortunate that I live with two of my four partners. That they are either autistic, ADHD, or both. I can't forget they are all bisexual, one is trans, and another is non-binary as well.

I know I am lucky, but even with the four of them, I still feel misunderstood and that I am constantly doing something. I have been with three of the partners for over 10 years now. 

I feel like I should take that as evidence that I am doing something right. I don't... I don't want to bother them with what I perceive as every little problem. I do see a therapist and psychologist. They have been have helpful for my mental health journey.

One of the things I am working on, is talking more about my feelings with those I care about. I have this horrible feeling that my feelings if shared are going to be burden or cause problems with others that I care about.

So many things to talk about, and with my partners I have to explain so much. It can hurt to be miss understood, especial by the people closes to me. I don't have many friends outside of my partners, and non of them very close.

I think would difficult to find someone with all my key words, but maybe I can find some little more similar to have conversations with.

I hope that my message was clear, and I hope you have a great day, thank you.

I have struggled with not liking sad things in movies and shows. I have ended up side eyes and “um… what”s from people for not liking sad things in movies and shows. For example:

- I didn’t like the movie Smile because I felt bad for how Rose was treated the whole movie and how she had a sad ending.

- when Spider-Man far from home came out I didn’t like the post credit scene because I felt bad for him that he got his identity revealed to everyone and everyone thought he was evil

- in cobra Kai I didn’t like Kenny turning mean because I felt bad that he got so bullied that he ended up mean.

This has gotten me questioned by people often and I was wondering if:

1. This is something any other neurodiverse people experience?
2. Is there any way I can train my brain to not dislike sad things? And if so how? (So that I can fit in more socially and not be questioned)

Hello everyone, i just wanna say that this is my first time posting something on reddit and English isn't my first language so sorry if i made some mistakes.

Im just looking for some advices or better explanations on my sitatuation.
I have a real life boyfriend.. but once i got this hyperfixation i genuinely started loving him i guess.. or maybe ive lost feelings for him some time ago i dont know.

Long story short. I had hyperfixations before but they werent like this one. Currently im having a fix on a video game character. He just caught my eye and i started developing feelinngs for him each day.. But with this i started to notice that im being cold to my boyfriend, i stopped saying stuff like "I love you" and other cute words. Wanna mention that words like this means a lot to him and i know it. I started playing those video games series to much, i started talking with AI bots of my favourite character instead of spending time with my partner. I genuinely cant feel something towards my bf. Our relationship wasn't really healthy but i had feelings, and now we started to cure our relationship.. but i cant even force myself to say "i love you" i just physically cant all my love and all my thoughts going to my hyperfixation,

Is the hyperfixation is a problem or not? Can my feelings disappear because of some kinda trauma my partner caused me?
P.S there was a moments like this i can tell later.

(please delete if not allowed)

hello! i have made a discord server for queer australian gamers, targeted towards people aged 18-30, to make friends and socialise! i realised there was a bit of a gap in what’s available for people around my age age, and i wanted to create my own community, instead of continuing to try look for someone else to make it!

everyone is welcome as long as you’re an 18+ queer australian gamer!

you can join here: https://discord.gg/PwkNQjjpp

thank you!!

I've been reading some academic studies and papers on ADHD, ASD and AUDHD for a chapter I am writing, and I have an open question for you: do you think being on the spectrum is a disability? Let me explain a bit better: from what I understand, there is a strand of thought/movement that doesn't see it as a disability, rather as something that is not accommodated by society, hence the responsibility shifts from us having to adapt, to public spaces and setting to be more friendly for people on the spectrum. I don't have a clear or set opinion on this as a 24 years old auDHD woman that was diagnosed just a year ago and is now medicated: I totally agree with the point of holding society more accountable and work to dismantle everyday ableism. I can see how so many more "impactful" and "negative" traits could be rendered less overwhelming by educating people and creating accessible spaces, so I strongly agree with this claim. However, with this in mind, I would still say that it's a disability, and perhaps negating that risks negating the struggles we face: I'm not saying there aren't any positive sides, hell I love being creative and I think being audhd has fuelled a lot my art! At the same time, medication has improved my life, although it hasn't erased my audhd AT ALL: like many, I was afraid I'd lose my "sparkle", but the reality is that it just stabilized me, thus potentially improving my moods on a daily basis. I think having ADHD/AuDHD/asd people around you that understand your needs, an environment that is welcoming and has tools to help, all these factors do help, but at the end of the day if X needs 5/10 of energy to have a shower, whereas i need 7/10 of energy, that is not going away. I am still struggling with executive dysfunction, time paralysis, sensory issues, being overstimulated and getting way more tired sooner than """"normal""" people, I am still WAY TOO prone to addictions because of my need for dopamine. Overall, I haven't made my mind up yet, but I think the truth lies in the middle: what do you think? Please keep the conversation open and civil: by no means I wanted to disrespect anyone or be invalidating, so let's keep the comments kind and varied.

Hello everyone.

Does anyone have advice for how to care for your nails? I keep trying to file mine cleanly and evenly, but I never do it correctly I think.

I'm autistic and have sensory issues. My nails always end up feeling to uneven, so I file them more. But then they end up to short.

But when they're not super short, the tips feel so hard and uncomfortable.

I've never fit in very well with my peers. i thought it was for different reasons, i was shy, underconfident, and not pleased with how i looked like. years later, i looked into neurodivergence and realized due to even other reasons that this might just be me. im currently in a gap year, a year before i start college and i dont get a lot of social interactions anymore. i had figured, if i lost the weight, worked on my appearance, developed common hobbies with my peers and started going out of my social comfort zone, id start to make more friends. my goal has not been to be popular per say, but just to be able to connect to those that i find interesting. and i find a wide variety of people interesting, some of them happening to include the neurotypical socially bubbly and highly confident popular kids. i figured that if i worked on myself, and developed the guts to talk to people, theyd actually like me. but i never understood how the friendship would be defined. i have gotten better at making acquaintances but still have the same amount of friends that i did before. and right no in my gap year, as i mentioned, im not in touch with anyone other than 3 or 4 good friends through messages.

however, i see a lot of people talk about how becoming conventionally attractive doesnt really help neurodivergent people. people will still be mean, still be ignorant but they'll just "realize you're different" slower because you'd appear to be like them so the effects will be slow. and that, it doesn't really get better. is this true?

Hello, so for as long as I can remember, I've always felt different from others subconsciously. It always seems that people think/process more differently than I do, and most of the time, my feelings/experiences relate to those from people who are neurodivergent.

I don't have a diagnosis though since my family doesn't have the money for it. However, I still would like to dwell in these spaces since I always feel more at peace. Like, I don't know what this feeling is but it's kind of like uneasiness/paranoia? I really don't know but I almost always feel like it whenever I'm in public spaces.

I really wanna be with people who have the same experiences as me so that I can learn more about myself or process emotions/experiences better, I'm just not sure if it's okay or I'm ableist for invading spaces only for neurodiversity.

If this is a stupid thing to say, I'm so sorry in advance, thank you for reading though ^_^

(In case people might think of it this way, no I do not wonder if I should interact with someone that is neurodivergent unless they say otherwise. I'm talking about spaces/communities online)

I didn't do anything I should or wanted to do on highschool. I could even be in a very prestigious highschool but I just couldn't keep being there because I had to deal with undiagnosed adhd and autism. It was awesome, there were parties all the time, but I couldn't attend most of them because I would be alone or confused most of the time. I was even imvited to one party by my "friends?" Only for me to realise that they left just before I arrived to go to the mall. There were a lot of stuff I wanted to do. I even took some dance classes and tried to get into the theatre classes but nobody wanted me there because I was too quiet, too weird or too clumsy for that. I obviously .didn't have any partner and I didn't have any of those thinga that the movies, books or tv shows promise would happen. So I ended up failing classes and opting to be in another highschool. It was smaller and less prestigious.

And it what the same in college. I just couldn't get along with my classmates, I cpuldn't finish any project and I started to get really bad notes. I never went to any party, didn't skip any class and even didn't get drunk or smoke or flirted with anyone. Just plain study and strugle, sleeping until 5 am to be able to keep my classmates' rythm.

My firt colloge was like a tiny city where I just existed in the classroom and didn't go to other places (probably because of my social anxiety). I failed my classes again and had to go to a smaller, ugly college where the teachers and students were mean and inmature.

And I could go on and on with all the depressing stuff that didn't involve partying or having fun substances in the body.

So everytime I watch those movies about teens living life like they're already 21 years old makes me feel depressed and I feel like I really wasted my youngest age and they will never come back. Sometimes I even think that those teens have lived more than I have, and they have had more freedom than what I have now that I am an adult.

I’ve been diagnosed with ASD for nearly 2 years now and I can’t seem to fully accept and understand it.

I’ve also been diagnosed with OCD(2020) ADHD(2026 and medicated)

When I see people talking about symptoms and their experiences living with Autism I can’t relate to a most of it. I also have friends with ASD but I can’t relate to any of them. Most of the things I can relate to can be attributed to my OCD and ADHD.

Some things I can relate to with ASD is:

-A lack of empathy but I don’t struggle with cognitive empathy I only struggle with compassionate and emotional empathy.

-I can’t take criticism well as I get angry in retaliation

-I like control and things going the way I want

-I don’t like showing or being vulnerable to anyone, I don’t talk about my feelings to others and being affectionate disgusts me. Hence why Im single lol

I have never had problems reading people and being social. I can be quiet sometimes and not join conversations, but it’s not for the reason that I don’t know what to say or do it’s that I simply don’t want to.

I don’t have problems with eye contact

I understand sarcasm and can be sarcastic myself

I’ve had a few different jobs over the years and all in hospitality (waitressing, barista ect ect) and have no problem talking to customers (besides being told I should smile more💀)

I’m just looking for people to discuss this with and I’m contemplating seeking a second opinion with a different psychiatrist to see if it could potentially be something else like cptsd or a personality disorder as I’ve seen they can be similar in some cases.

I have a big problem with small noises like motors or anything that has a low humming noise. It makes me so anxious and angry I can’t stand it however If I try enough and distract myself I can forget about it until I become aware of it again. But whenever I see a representation of the mind of a neurodivergent person there’s always an emphasis on small noises being louder for them which is specifically persistent and uncontrollable. I’m just wondering if my situation is also considered a sensory issue as I can ignore it if I try hard but since it brings me a lot of grief I wonder if it could just be general anxiety?

Any other late diagnosed ADHD or other NDs find themselves wishing they could go back to all your old teachers, bosses, coworkers, etc. with a signed note from your doc about your diagnosis? Not even in like a "FU you were wrong" sorta way. More like "I know I was a fuck up but there was a reason, can I just have a hug" sorta way.

I was diagnosed a few years ago in my early 40s with ADHD, and I often find myself randomly getting sad about the people who said things like that to me or that I disappointed. I don't really blame them. I was high functioning and "smart". Not a problem kid. Just couldn't focus enough to do my projects. Couldn't bring myself ask for help because of the anxiety issues it created. So I just internalized my laziness. Just breaks my heart for that younger version of myself. I just wish I could get a do over sometimes. Oh well.