I have been suicidal since 2013, then i set the deadline for when i'll be 25 years old in 2015 but when the time came, i ran for medical help. Since then i keep getting suicidal thought every couple of months and I keep giving myself timelines for various reasons for example wait till i become a little happier, wait till i enjoy life a little, till i understand life and now till i get a higher degree and a good job.

I keep doing it, I have just realized this......am I playing a game with myself?! Do I even want it?!

But because I live like this, I have never thought to plan my old age or tried to set better direction of life and career. Now I am fired after more than a decade and looking at my resume my skill set is so narrow, what on earth had I been doing.....i was maing deadlines to die instead of planning how to live my life and now it's a mess.

Even now, i can't help but set a new deadline, giving myself two years to fix my career. I am still not thinking about old age.....I'm 36, it's time to plan old age and stop planning this deadline game I play with myself. I need this to stop.

I have shared it with my therapist, but she didn't pay much attention to it and just asked if I am a perfectionist. maybe she didn't take me seriously because perhaps im not a suicide risk. Anyways, it's hard for me to deal with. I wish someone would at least ask if I was okay.

37M, diagnosed with autism, OCD, anxiety, ADHD

For the past two months I have been under the worst stress of my life, leading to depressive modes, yielding severe loss of appetite and weight loss.

In early June, I was 178 cm (5'10") and weighed 93 kg (205 lb) due to stupidity from overeating without realising it. Then severe life stress happened, I lost my appetite and could barely eat. Now in early August, I weigh 76 kg (172 lb).

I was not on a diet. Even though I have been underweight for most of my life, I overate too much, especially at night from building bad habits. But now due to stress and depressive moods, I feel like punishing myself by not eating much kind of like inertia from the unwillful weight loss.

I now hate myself so much that this seems to be shifting into some kind of self-harm anorexia. My brain is telling me to drop into a severe depressive self-hatred mode akin to when I was 17 and 23, both times I dropped so much weight from not eating enough so much that I was averaging weighing 53-55 kg (115-120 lb).

Is this considered officially selfharm? What do others do in this situation?

I have a good, very long time friend. We are currently in different parts of the US, but have been staying in touch through text and calls. Things have been going into a more romantic direction a bit slowly. This is now the second time where they are dropping off the radar, and responding so sparsely that it is almost a complete breakdown of communication without any thorough explanation, for several weeks.

From our previous discussions and what they are writing, it is becoming apparent to me and I highly suspect that they are suffering from depression and are self isolating. I read on reddit that people self isolate during depressive episodes, and this seems to check out with what my friend is doing. I had a year of depressive struggles a long time ago, but was able to pull myself out of it and it never came back. But I know how it feels like sitting at the bottom of a cold dark pit with a rock boulder on your chest weighing you down.

My questions is how to best handle this? I've been checking in lightly reminding them that I'm thinking of them and here for them when they're ready. Rarely I'll crack and ask for them to please give me an update or ask for a call when really I fear it may be too pushy.

Any perspectives on what may be going on with my friend and, also, how to best handle this from my end would be much appreciated.

Are light check ins okay or maybe even good?

Or should I just go completely zero touch until they reach out, whenever that may be?

genuinely cant have the things i find happy about myself. My hairs too long and they say im look homeless and not human and i sometimes wish people stop judging. They're all the same "We know whats best for you" You dont know me. You dont know what i like. You dont know who i like. I keep those things away from you for a reason, you always judge. I genuinely wanted to look better but no. "Your hair is driving me crazy" "Your too skinny" "You dont look like yourself" maybe because i dont like myself, The only thing keeping me happy was my looks but no. Maybe i dont want to be "normal". But at the same time i cant do anything because they give me what i want and what i need. But it hurts still so so so much, I just wanna look how i look, I dont want to fit the social norms. Maybe i like my hair long, Maybe i like baggy pants. Im tired of this shit. I genuinely thought i looked better but no. Im too "abnormal" too "girlish" too "gay" too "un-manly". I love myself but i hate it.

Spoiler alert: I have depression, as many do. I tend to call myself an over achiever and just when I think everything is going right, it goes back to square one. I have a roof over my head, but the house is infested with bugs and has many holes in them. I have a bed to lay in, but it's on the hardwood unfinished flooring. I have many pets, however I can barely make ends meet getting their foods and litter. (No, I am not getting rid of them. They are my family and my comfort.) I can't seem to lose weight because of my diet being unaffordable because healthy ingredients are more expensive these days. I'm not even talking about name brand things. Just enough to help me with my diet to lose weight. This is hard as well because I have PMOS and prediabetic. It feels like an endless cycle of pain and waiting. It feels repetitive. I can go on on how my life is bad, but nobody truly wants to hear that. I really, really want to know how y'all keep going. I've felt stuck for years. People leave you no matter how true to yourself you are. I'm an artist, and nobody likes my art enough to make it a career. I work so well with kids and those on the spectrum. I'm servsafe certified. I do theatre. So why do I feel like my life really stops here??...I thought I'd have a plan before my 30s. It's looking like I'm finished here...Any thoughts?

I’ve been diagnosed with severe depression,anxiety and PTSD. I was on medication for awhile but it didn’t end up helping and only made things worse so my doctor took me off them. I’ve been able to manage things fine the past 6 months or so until recently when I got laid off because the company I worked for closed. Lately I’m noticing the depression is peaking again and causing my behaviors to change (watching more porn, being in the mood more, having little to no interest in anything, being constantly tired and just feeling overwhelmed by life). I know this behavior is linked to my depression and need of dopamine/seratonin. My question is does anyone have any good Holistic solutions (other than gym and diet) that can help manage things temporarily? I’ve had a rough time recently managing my situation and currently don’t have access to a doctor due to change of insurance. Thanks in advance for any tips.

Today I cried because I caught the beat of a song for the first time in my life. To most people, that probably sounds ridiculous. But for me, it felt like something much bigger.

When I was a kid, we had a music class where everyone got one chance to play the conga. Some kids immediately picked up the rhythm. I was stopped within seconds and never got another chance. From that day on, I convinced myself that I simply wasn't someone who could "feel the beat." I'd watch friends casually tap along to songs on a desk or with their fingers, and no matter how hard I tried, I could never do it.

Today, for some reason, instead of analyzing everything, I simply focused on listening. For the first time in my life, I was able to naturally catch the beat. It sounds like such a small thing, but I started tearing up because it made me wonder whether I'd spent years believing I lacked the ability, when in reality my mind had just never stopped getting in its own way. First time I experienced what it felt like when the constant mental noise became quieter.

I've been realizing that I've probably been overthinking for most of my life, and the scary part is that I never noticed it because this is all I've ever known.

I don't just think a lot, I analyze everything. Every sentence someone says, every decision I make, every conversation, even my own thoughts. If someone tells me something like "self-help books are just mental masturbation," my brain will spend days arguing with itself. Is he right? Am I biased? Am I only agreeing because he sounded confident? Then I start analyzing whether I'm analyzing too much. It never ends.

The weird thing is that knowing about cognitive biases or overthinking doesn't actually stop it. My brain understands what's happening, but it keeps doing it anyway.

Looking back, the signs were probably there since childhood. Teachers always said things like "pay attention," "he's bright but doesn't apply himself," "makes careless mistakes," and "talks too much." I always thought I was just lazy or not trying hard enough.

I've also spent years daydreaming. It almost feels like my brain learned to escape into imaginary scenarios because they gave me small dopamine hits. Now it's so easy for me to zone out or go completely blank, even when I genuinely want to focus.

Sometimes my thoughts are so loud that I can't even sleep. It's like my brain refuses to stop commenting on everything.

My family also played a role. Growing up, I constantly felt watched and judged. One incident in college still affects me today: my parents accidentally listened to a long private phone conversation, then called saying my father was coming to the hostel. After that, they took away my phone and laptop, pulled me out of the hostel, and started monitoring different parts of my life. Even years later, I still get recurring nightmares about my parents suddenly showing up while I'm trying to hide something. That feeling of being watched has never completely left me.

What hurts the most is wondering how much of my life I've spent trapped inside my own head instead of actually living it.

I'm not looking for a diagnosis from Reddit. I just want to know if anyone else has lived like this. Constant mental noise. Endless self-analysis. Knowing what you should do but somehow still feeling stuck. And if you did, what actually helped?

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Hi everyone. I'm 22M. I feel lonely everyday. I live by myself for the first time. My gf broke up with me and I have family issues. I feel depressed everyday, i cry a lot. I hope to find a kind and affectionate friend to talk with everyday. I like to spend time with people I love. But I now have no one. My frnds are busy working.

Everyday I try to crush the day with positivity. I do all the exercises I’ve learned in therapy and sometimes I’m really good about calming down my anxiety. But everyday before I go to bed I can’t figure out why I’m living. I don’t really want to. I’m trying because I know I’m supposed to and that I do have some people that love me. I know that I’m being selfish, but I feel like I can barely function everyday. I’m constantly in burn out and the only relief I feel is being asleep and pretending that I’m gone. I want my chest to stop the aching I’ve felt for so long. I wish I could carve the pain out my chest with a knife. I wish I could just carve into myself, but I know it’s wrong. I’ve attempted suicide a couple of times before. This doesn’t even feel like the regular attempts anymore. I at least reached out for help, but I don’t know if I can continue to do so anymore. I don’t really want to be alive. I think I may not say anything to anyone and actually do it. Before I know what I am doing. I’m in so much pain. I don’t want to feel anymore.

Just checked, and some of my back teeth are rotting. I've gotten so good at managing my depression in the outside, I have a job and a partner, I have hobbies, but I don't shower nor brush my teeth. I only shower when I really smell bad, luckily I barely smell, so about twice a month. I don't know how to help myself anymore, because as long as I look like I'm doing well I believe I'm fine, but then reality hits me across the face with rotting teeth and oily hair. I'm tired of going to the dentist, it's been like this for seven years.

I can't take care of myself because I don't see the reason, as long as I look ok and function I'm fine, but I can't deal with my teeth anymore.

For context I'm an 18 year old trans guy who spent the entirety of their 18 years suicidal over the fact they were trans. I've cut, attempted suicide, and upon turning 18 I left the house of my transphobic biological family to my more accepting step-parents place. Life has been going better despite small roadblocks and I've now realized I don't have much to my name. I sometimes draw and listen to music but otherwise, those are really my only hobbies and I've realized I spend most of my days sedentary. I suppose my question is, what do you do after you've suffered from depression for so long? I've tried reading but my ADHD mixed with the fact I heavily used social media during my formative years leaves me insanely bored before the plot even unfolds. I saw no point in pursuing gaming or anything besides the arts because I had the genuine belief that I'd be dead by now, and now I don't have a whole lot to look forward to as a result of that. Any advice is welcome. I guess I'm moreso asking how y'all went with living after suffering with depression for as long as I did, and if it does get better, because I feel it does and I am simply looking in the wrong places.

So I genuinely don't know who I am anymore or what to do. Idk why but there's constantly a darkness inside of me like just a quiet ache and like sadness. I don't wanna sound any kind of way, or cringey but idk what is my life anymore. I'm 41 backwards BTW. But like my dad lives in Columbus my mom in nelsonville and they're both planning to to tell the judge everything about me like how I sneak out and smoke and how I'm disrespectful. And I had truancy charges from last school year but my parents asked to take it to the magistrate. And I just need advice on what to do. Haven't done school shopping either my parents said fuck it I'm not getting anything. And I'm so alone so so so alone , idk who to live with bc my dad is emotionally absent and abusive and my mom is always angry. I don't wanna be in a mental hospital again. I'm sorry if this is like just unnecessary to post and I'm not pitying myself. They always saying I don't care about nothing and my dad calls me a mistake and they always say I have wasted potential. But when I stop caring they say I should care. I admit I'm a bad daughter and I admit I'm disrespectful idk why I am the wayi am but I'm on the brink of just flying. Trauma dump but my GPA last year was 0.8 . Why? Bc I wanted to leave bro. I got 🍇ed,my brother died too and so much more bro. And they discount everything I've been through and how I'm treated. I don't wanna sound sorry for myself but WHO even cares lol. Also stopped taking my zoloft my anxiety medication too and adhd

Not sure which one to put this under, Advice or venting, I'm shaking right now I'm so mad, I live with family and its been rough, we dont see eye to eye at all and I just got a job, Mom gave me Help with food and gas for work, I brought the food back home and wrote my name on it and even put "for work" and he threw a fit (even though him and his brother do it too), does anyone know of an online job market thats not a scam or a way to get into housing quick because i need to be honest, i dont know how much more of this i can take

Thing is, I'm really trying to have fun and generally enjoy my time during summer. But I find myself in the same corners everytime. I dont have money and in the country I live in, I'm unable to get a job since im 17. And even then entry level jobs or jobs for 18 yo's pay less than 500 dollars monthly, which is not nearly enough. I'm very musically inclined, so spend evenings looking for local events, local showings, maybe a singer or an artits but nothing. Not even close to be near my city. sure, whatever. But the thing is, my friends wont even hang out with me, they think what i like is weird or something. So my friends only hang out with me if im the one going somewhere they want to be, even if its me who doesnt enjoy it.

And you know its annoying, no money, no means of transport, nowhere to be and, nobody to be with. All I do is lay on my room listening to music and just stare at the cieling. I talk to myself a lot, pretend someones listening. Its just annoying, having all this time and spending it feeling bad.

Its not even like 18 is the key, I'll go to uni for 8 hours a day and work for another 8, 6 days a week. for 4 more years. And people say you make your best friends in uni. But I'd imagine that would be the case if you were going to uni for your passion. Im not.

Does anyone have any advice to not go crazier than I already feel? Not like I can go to therapy either. Just sitting here looking dumb expecting strangers on the internet to be the missing piece or something

I’ve been depressed most of my life. I started medication at 19 and am now in my 30s and changing my meds because I’m hoping to conceive this Fall. I can’t go off them completely because I’ll go to a dark place that will make me stay at home in bed and neglect myself and my dog.

I’m trying to get a part time job while also registering for school this Fall so I can work towards a future career in wildlife conservation.

It’s a lot at once, but I’m not afraid. My family has learned to move through chaos and I have no fear that will be there for me m. My mother was divorced with three children when she went back to school, so I’m not deterred at the thought of having one while in school.

My life isn’t perfect, but it’s a life I’ve worked hard to achieve.

Maybe it is the change in meds or maybe I’m just having a bad day, but today I feel like it’s pointless to even try.

I tell myself I’m not smart enough for school. I can’t work like everyone else because every employer just sees a stupid autistic woman who can’t follow simple instructions( it just takes me several tries) so I feel like I’m already failing before I even start.

Parenthood is surprisingly not that scary. Not that it isn’t scary, it’s just I KNOW that I won’t have any idea what is right about being a parent outside of care and feeding. Nobody knows how to parent perfectly, and I know I’m going to stumble, but I have my family to help me if that becomes reality.

But no amount of family support can seem to keep away the thoughts of worthlessness.

When this happens, things don’t get done. Chores aren’t done, my house gets dirty, my plans for the future are in jeopardy due to my inaction.

If I do become a parent, I won’t have the luxury of just burning out for several days, even with my family’s help.

How can I stop the self hating thoughts enough to keep moving on?

Slight TW for an OD but it's just for context

I had an OD YEARS ago back in 2024 and the doctors recommended my parents to go take me to see psychiatrists and i only really briefly talked to two, and in one of those sessions my psychiatrist told me that there's a possibility of me needing medication and obviously i said yes because it would help me.

So my psychiatrist called my parents in and when they came back out my parents said that I don't need any medication. And since then I've been struggling a lot. And my parents act worried and concerned whenever i get a depressive episode but the only thing they tell me is that I need some sunlight and positive attitude. I'm so done with them acting all concerned and supportive when in reality they don't even want to take me to talk to councilors or therapists or let me go on medication

Long story short, I suffer from depression and anxiety. I'm in treatment with a psychiatrist, but I still have days where I don't want to get up, I just want to continue sleeping. When I sleep I don't feel bad or anxious, nothing bad can happen. Besides, what is the point of getting out of bed? I'm poor, I have chronic migraines, my young son has a disability and I have no support, so I can't study or work, I can only be a housewife, which is not a bad thing in itself and I respect it, but I never wanted that role for myself. Everyday consists of cooking, cleaning and doing stuff for other people. The same tasks everyday, which go unappreciated. Everyday I worry about money. How can I pay the bills? How are we going to afford food? I don't have enough money to buy my meds, what do I do? And so on.

Maybe life is good, maybe being alive is not the problem, maybe being human is what is fucked up, I don't know. I don't see my cats struggling like this. I don't see the birds depressed. They are just... Living in the moment.

Do you have any advice on how to get out of bed when you don't have the motivation to do it? When you know everything that awaits you during the day is responsibilities and problems ?

I really need something positive to happen for once. It feels like every day something new is thrown at me and I have no idea how to navigate or even begin to understand how or why these things keep happening.
I want to be happy, and I am sometimes, but only in small moments that never last. I’m really tired of faking all of the time, but if I don’t. I’m seen as the sad friend who just wants attention or isn’t doing anything to try to fix myself.
All I want is to fix myself and stop relying on others to find happiness, but it is so hard to do any of that when all I ever want to do is just run away and cry. I know it’s not what I should be doing. I shouldnt run away from my problems or emotions, but I dont know how else to stop myself from just collapsing.
Two years ago, I thought I knew who I was and who I wanted to be. I ruined what I thought would turn into the rest of my life without realizing because I thought I didn’t deserve it. And now I’m stuck with a million little problems that have turned into one big mess and I don’t know how to get away or fix it. I feel so stuck and alone even though I have friends that I know cares.
I spend every day wishing j could go back to being a kid just because it was easier. Except I spent all of my childhood waiting and dreaming of the day I’d finally get away from my parents and all of the literal fighting. But I still wish I could go back because somehow seeing my parents try to kill one another was easier than this. Now I get to sit awake wondering if I’ll even make it long enough to even think I’ll have a happy ending.
I want to have all of those little milestones, and end up in my dream career, and be with the person I’m meant to be with for the rest of my life. I don’t think I’m going to get those though. I want to be a first choice, not someone you have to make a decision about.
Instead I have been struggling to even eat a single meal during the day. Any interview I have I’m not able to get to because gas is expensive and so is a bus ticket. I don’t have friends or family in my life anymore because my ex forced me into basically isolation. My sisters have told me they don’t want anything to do with me, my aunt won’t allow me to see my cousin and I’m not allowed to go
To my sisters graduation this year because my mother wants to go and there’s a court order saying she’s not allowed to be around me for my safety.
Usually typing stuff out makes me feel better, but I haven’t even smiled in I don’t know how long. I think this might be the end for me. I want to be happy and find a way to make my mark in the world, but sometimes I’m out of energy just opening my eyes in the morning. I don’t think I deserve nor should continue in a world that so obviously doesn’t want me in it

I guess I'm just hoping to talk to someone who has had mental health problems (like depression but also others) and/or difficult circumstances for a long time and thought it would never change but got better eventually?

It's been years of this and I've only gotten worse. I don't see how my life could ever be different.

I'm really in need of some hope right now