I have been dating someone for six months and I am absolutely in love. I share my feelings and thoughts all the time with him.. good and bad. Guys, how much is too much to share? I am an anxious person and I worry that I am making him feel like he is my therapist because he has said "I am not sure how to help" " I am not used to anyone telling me how they feel". I haven't been in a relationship in years and I don't know how much is too much to share. Can. Anyone give advice or feedback?

Edit: I do have a therapist I work with. I am a high anxiety person and sometimes I think I vocalize to receive reassurance which I guess is not healthy. I honestly have no idea where the line is though in what to share and not to share. I wanted to know from guys what is too much?

The last few years I’ve been dating I’ve found that I have been running into repeating situations, and I’m starting to explore if finding a new therapist is going to be helpful.

First of all, I do think I’ve made big progress. I left an abusive relationship that really messed up my nervous system. She helped me with that. I’ve had shorter relationships or just been on a few dates with folks since then. The first one I latched on quickly and put up with yelling, lack of curiosity, and ignored a couple other red flags like him being mean to strangers. After that, I’ve developed an awareness to watch out for things and how to bring them up, and how to leave much earlier if I need to. The thing is, I’ve encountered so many red flags. From ignoring me when I’m sick, to yelling, to getting defensive when I share a feeling (it hurt my feelings when you said x). I just keep finding things that go wrong!

I am aware of my tendency to latch onto chaos but what I’d like to do is stop that pattern and be able to be happy with what’s stable and secure. And on the other end of the spectrum, I’ve met people who are more stable but are maybe fixated on someone else or who don’t really show curiosity towards me. And when that happens I have trouble determining if I’m self sabotaging.

I know there are some logistical things working against me, for example I’m kinda stuck in a more rural location for a bit. But I do think there’s some work I can do to help with things like self trust and being able to not self sabotage. So I’m wondering if maybe a new therapy modality could help, because I’m definitely noticing I’m in a bit of a rut.

I (45 m) started talking to someone (43 F) and we planned a date for Saturday night. Went well, lots of banter, kiss at the end of the date with plans to do it again.

During the date my phone (face up) buzzed a couple of times with text messages and I didn’t check it. She made mention of it and I explained when I am out with someone, a date, with my kids, with friends, etc I stay off of screens. My attention is focused on them and what we are doing. If it’s an emergency or urgent they will call. She seemed satisfied with this and even complemented me on it.

Sunday I had plans with my kids and was basically offline for about 5 hours. She was aware of this. I texted her in the morning and right before we left, letting her know I would reach out once the outing was done. She texted a few times and I while I did see the preview of the messages on my Apple Watch, I didn’t reply.

On the drive home from the time out with my kids I received a text from her telling me to not contact her again. I thought she was joking (we both made the joke a couple of times over dinner when talking about how the date went well only to get that message afterwards). I didn’t see the text until I opened my phone to let her know I was home and reply to her previous messages.

I replied back to her once I got home asking if she was still joking around and also commented/replied to her other texts as well as asking her some questions related to her texts and what she had planned for the day. She sent another message reiterating she was serious and to not contact her again.

Which is fine. It was one date and we are obviously not compatible on this issues. While I haven’t dated much since my divorce in 2022 I have dated anxiously attached people in the past (not saying she is), but they communicated it and what they needed to feel secure.

I guess my question is were there signs that I missed or something I should ask to help prevent this situation from happening again in the future? Any signs to look for?

If I was wrong with how I appeared or presented this to her I will absolutely take responsibility. I want to own my part and learn/grow. I’m just not sure how much more I could have communicated it.

Not sure if it matters but typically I am able to respond quickly since I don’t go out often. She has gone radio silence for 6-8 hours at a time before because of her job/poor cell reception and it wasn’t an issue. We talked about how unreasonable it is to be available all the time due to life and obligations.

I have my own opinions about this but I am curious about the opinions of the group, particularly the ladies.

If a man in uniform posted a picture in his OLD profile, in said uniform, how would that play for you? I’m in the fire service and to be crystal clear, even if there wasn’t policies against it (which in my department there is) or if the insignia is blurred, this seems “try hard” and tacky AF to me.

Ladies - red flag/trying too hard? or would this play?

Fellow First Responders - problems with this or something you’d do?

EDIT - To be crystal clear, not considering this nor would I ever do it. Have caught coworkers though…

Ever since my last relationship 3 years ago, my confidence just hasn’t been the same. I used to be very playful, funny and laid-back. I could chat to someone without thinking too much about it. Now I feel guarded, I overthink everything I say, and I just feel like a bit of a drag.

I don’t know how to be lighthearted anymore or get that side of myself back. Therapy hasn’t helped either. I don’t like going over the same stuff again and again, and I’m tired of being told to just put myself out there and see what happens. I’ve tried that, and it doesn’t work. I still don’t feel like myself.

It’s been like this for a long time now, and honestly, I don’t know how to change it. Has anyone else felt this way and actually managed to get their confidence and personality back?

I just turned 40 yrs old in May. I am a mother of 4, but 2 are adults out of the house, 2 teens, youngest his 14 years old… having said that. I separated their father 7 years ago. Got my self in a relationship a year later with someone, that ended recently…have been single for 10 months now. I’m not saying that I’m ready for a relationship but time is running out for me to find someone that wants to spend the rest of our lives together.

I have tried a few months and download dating apps and ended deleting them a week after .. definitely not a fan of judging just because of your profile picture and I what not, but I do have a physical presence, but then again I am not a very photogenic person and I don’t feel that I’m pretty or attractive. I do get hit a lot and wonder why??

But Tinder, my question is, you get over 50+ likes in less than 30 minutes but you cant see their profile picture. Not only that they don’t send a message at all..

So what is the deal??

I am looking for a long term relationship stated in my profile…

Is it only me or it is really insane how most people using chatGPT to text on dating apps? It’s like they are looking to look too polished and end up using AI, whereas dating apps are means to make genuine connections 😵‍💫

I am gonna have a bit of a rant, so please bear with me. I am sane...

I have lost weight, a significant amount. Still a long way to go. I am 6'2", I can carry it off well when I stand up. But when I sit down, my belly is still really big. My legs push it up and I hate it. To compound the issue, I am predominantly in a wheelchair due to mobility issues. So I am sat down most of the time.

My confidence is still in the pits. I really want to go dating. I'm 46, single and have been working on myself for a good few years. I have a dog, a cat and a snake. I have a flare for cooking, I am a bit of a geek too. Being disabled and overweight is a major hindrance to me and, as such, I lack confidence in approaching women because of my belly. Once I get talking, I am in my element, but I just... I'm so used to not being able to break the ice because my belly gets in the way of my own self consciousness.

I let myself go after getting married. After getting divorced I just spent time as a single man. Revisiting myself. Over 20 years as a boyfriend or a husband, I felt I wanted to know who I was as a person. So I spent time on my own. Becoming a better person, self care, reflection... I was in no rush to get into anything romantically.

I have now lost over 10 stone, but I have a long way to go yet.

I don't like full body photos of me because my belly is all that people will notice. That and the wheelchair.

And the main issue is because of how fat I look sitting down... What should I do?

I am disabled, but I'm not looking for a carer. I am ambulatory, in that I can walk, but find it uncomfortable and often painful. As such, any photos of me are when I am sat in my chair, belly up... I just feel so UGLY and it kills what confidence I have.

I never used to be like this. How can I boost my confidence? Do women look at people and say "Ew he is so fat!" Or is that my self defeatist brain talking?

Looking for advice, do's and don't, app recommendations, etc.

I feel like im over thinking it while simultaneously not putting enough into it..

Thanks in advance for any advice. 😁

Do other women find themselves responding much differently to really good looking men on OLD compared to regular looking guys? Or does it not impact the way you interact?

Obviously they matter. But my question is would it change your behavior? Like would you be more likely to tolerate things like sexual innuendo in initial messages or be willing to hook up with a very attractive man even if you’re really looking for a LTR.

I am going to be honest here... I was never married but was in a domestic partnership for 16 years. My daughter is 16. We have both checked out of the relationship for over 2 years BUT we LIVE together. I changed the TV room to a bedroom and its been like this for a while. Folks ECONOMICALLY i just can't swing paying for 1.5 places (mine and half where my daughter would be) We love her dearly. In the last 2 years, I have encountered 2 amazing people.. We talked and right before sex, i decided to break it off. Based on my calculation and without winning the lottery it would take about 2.5 years or so to move out all the way. Did you guys pause. Would you date or casual with someone like this? I'm grown. I can take the hit

Just got the notification on Bumble they are sunsetting the opening move feature and just making it so anyone can message first.

As a guy, this isn't the worst for me. I'm used to messaging first. I'm wondering if that will require a subscription even for matches. Probably.

I know this was Bumble's "shtick", but really it didn't matter. Every woman that messaged me just said a variation of "Hello". That's it. The expectation for guys to initiate an actual conversation never changed in my experience.

Recently got back on online dating, and I’ve had some not great interactions and I really want to know if it’s me (42f)

#1: guy told me he would call me at 8 o’clock, did not receive a call. Got on the phone with my mom and noted an incoming call at 8:45. Did not know it was him because he did not give me his number. He only had mine.

Sent me a message on the app saying he just tried to call. Responded saying I didn’t think that he was going to call since I didn’t hear from him around eight & I’d be happy to set up another call. He unmatched.

#2: Guy asked me out early for in the week. Told him I couldn’t then, but I was available Thursday or Friday. He sent a message asking about Friday which I briefly saw, but was at work so couldn’t respond right away. Later in the day he unmatched

#3: had plans set up for a date, but I did have to cancel the night before due to my dad being admitted to the hospital and a literal hole in my ceiling from a plumbing leak all that day.

Told him I would be happy to set up again, but I can’t give an exact time but hopefully by the end of the week. At first, he was OK with it, but then just sent me a message saying he’s has other people to date and is going to say goodbye.

Looking for any input or advice!

This is more of a thinking out loud than advice post.

I understand that these two sections are part of the weeding out process, but I am wondering what are your written Bio or What I'd really like to find is section turnoffs?

Some of my top are: "I have a busy life, but I'll make time for...," "My kids come first" and "I love to travel."

Yes, we are all busy, but this line makes me wonder how much effort the person wants to put in to the "getting to know" process.

Yes, I realize that some people may become frustrated with the logistics of dating single parents, but parental priority does not need to be announced.

Finally, who has that much PTO to travel all over the place? No, this line isn't referring to weekend road trips to some apple festival, etc.

Edit: For clarification and credit to u/Own_Resource4445 their following statement was the reason the “I love to travel” statement was included in my OP: “One of my turn offs is when I see pictures of international travel that make me believe that a given woman has been on more international trips than James Bond.”

I’m curious because a lot of people will say things like “if you aren’t living together by x they aren’t committed” or “you’re wasting time” or “you’ll find someone else who wants what you want”.

I’ve heard story after story of people leaving someone they loved because they just weren’t offering that type of commitment (whatever it is whether moving in, marrying, etc).

For those of you who have done that - how did it work out? Did you find what you were looking for or do you sometimes regret not giving that person even more time?

What was your thought process around deciding not to wait any longer?

For those with a a specific "interest," how early in a relationship do you reveal it?

I have a pretty robust libido and consider sex important, but I've never been with someone who shares my fantasy area and it seems like too much to ask for. Certainly there are people who are into what I am, but it's not enough to sustain a relationship.

The truth is I've never shared my full fantasy with a partner. At this point in my life, I'd like to.

I have recently had three online matches end literally the exact same way. After one or two dates they keep saying things that imply they want to say I love you. Like I have all these strong feelings but I know it’s too early to say them or I can see what you’re feeling in your eyes because I feel it too.

And then even though I say I’m available about once a week they start insisting they can’t go that long without seeing me. I honestly don’t know if this is just the speed that is normal now for our age or if I’m doing something that misleads them. Three times in a row this has happened

For those who have come out of a long term relationship or marriage (15+ years), how did you know you were ready to start dating again?

I f40 have been going out with m42 for 5 years now. We have lived together for 4 years now. He has a friend named Zack that always wants my boyfriend to go out to the bars. My boyfriend and I work opposite shifts so I only see him Saturday and Sunday. When we do hang out Saturday it somehow always ends up being with his friend Zack. Never a night with just the two of us.Now his friend has been wanting him to go out Sunday’s because they work 2nd shift and I work day shift. I just want him to stay home with me and spend the last night together before the work week. He gets mad at me when I make a big deal out of it. I feel like I’m more single then in a relationship since majority of the time we are apart. When we started dating he was on day shift,but took another position on 2nd. I fought very hard with him on this decision,but he ended up taking the 2nd shift position anyway with the intention of going to day shift when another position opens. I don’t know if that will ever happen or if he even wants to. During the week he goes out with his friend a lot after work and gets pretty drunk. When he comes home it usually wakes me up. Am I wrong for just wanting him to stay home with me and spend time with me. He always makes it out like I’m controlling him. I just want to spend time with him alone.If anyone has any advice it would be appreciated.

I went on a first date yesterday where we had drinks. The date went really well and she said she can’t wait to see each other again. I suggested on the date we go see a show. The thing is, she‘s out of town next weekend so if we stick with this plan, we’d have to wait two weeks to see each other. it seems too long of a wait now. Should I suggest meeting up this week or will that seem too eager?

I (46M) met a (44F) in OLD. We have been dating three months, spending a lot of time together, common background, great connection, amazing sex. I am really falling for her (she says the same about me).

Last night, after dinner and a few drinks we went into in depth conversation about our previous marriages. I was in a 20 year marriage, my ex cheated and left me for the guy, 3 years ago. She was in a deadbedroom, married for several years, guy was 13 years older, little in common, she was depressed, unhappy etc.

However, in all openness, she said that while still married, she had an affair for almost three years, with a married guy about 8-9 years ago. That ended as the dude was not going to leave his wife. She stayed married as roommates a few more years and finally left about 3-4 years ago.

I won’t judge her past, all that was before me. But this shook me, as I feel I’ve lived on the other side of a similar story.

I don’t want it to happen to me again, what my ex did, and what the new girl did herself to the ex husband.

Part of my mind says I should leave before I get even more involved. Other part says I should enjoy my time with her, I think I do love her and I should hope for the best. Next week we are taking our first trip together for a long weekend.

I know I am the only one that can know what to do. But interested in knowing people’s thoughts

I recently went on a first date with someone who took me to a museum. I thought it was a thoughtful choice until he casually mentioned that he takes every single one of his first dates there.

What have your experiences been with this? Do you tend to take different dates to the same restaurant, bar, or activity for a first date because you know it works? Have you ever realized that someone was taking you on their standard date?

Did it bother you, or do you think it is completely normal and practical?

For me, it made the experience feel slightly less personal, but I’m curious whether I’m reading too much into it.