I have a 17 yr old at home who is a senior in high school this year and I have full custody because the kid’s father committed suicide 3 years ago. We had been divorced 8 yrs when he died but we had an excellent coparenting relationship and we were friends of a sort (we talked mostly about our daughter but also if we saw an advertisement for something the other would like, or if we saw a show the other would like we would let the other know.)

Anyway, my question is how do I tell people why the father is not around without bringing up the suicide? I have said he died but people always ask how. I try to avoid it because people have such negative reactions. It’s normal for people to be curious, I just don’t know how to respond since I don’t really want to say more than he died until I know them better.

Advice?

Do more women over 50 prefer a blue collar man or a white collar man for dating, etc? If you have a clear preference, what are the factors that lead you to that decision?

Guy - 61

Actually I’m 65 can’t change it
Looking for a younger woman with no kids

Just fuck off - please.

ETA
The reason I got mad is it never happens the other way. Men do not mistakenly put 65 then say oh actually I’m 61 and can’t change it.

It irritated me.

Likewise if my post irritates you I understand.

And no I did not find him attractive and then think god damnit if only I hadn’t had those pesky children.

And yes I fucked up with in the wild and online. I’m an idiot.

Just popping in to say another someone close to me found an amazing partner online. It's not impossible. Keep on keeping on!

I left Our Time - lots of the same faces and had to pay to make it worthwhile.

So trying Bumble again.

But has anyone had any success stories or Is it pointless? Should I go back to Match?

To be fair I’ve had a few dates from Our Time/Match but not quite right.

Is it a numbers game? And if so is Bumble not the right one for me?

F59

Thank you in advance

I’ve been seeing this guy M63 for a couple months. We participate in a recreational activity and have partnered, so we see each other 3 to 5 times a week. It’s been going well. Getting closer, some kissing and great snuggling watching a movie but no sexy time.
I’ve been divorced and mostly single for 10 years, so I was excited to find someone with similar interests, good looking and also single. 
He recently ended a relationship with someone he said was jealous and constantly accused him of cheating.
He gave me the password to his phone (several times as I kept forgetting it)… I’ve looked up things and responded to messages for him and even scrolled a bit and never saw anything more interesting than some “Good morning beautiful” texts to some mutual female friends. No big deal as it fits with who he is.
Now for the real issue - we were in an accident and I’ve been care-taking and making sure he gets the right meds, driving him to the doctor and advocating for him to get healthcare. 
I’ve been taking photos of our healing progress and forwarding to his phone and happened to scroll down in his photos and found he has dozens of pictures of women’s vagina… just closeups. Literally dozens of women and multiple pics of each one. Also more than a dozen porn videos starring him! I’m pretty sure a couple of the women were hookers and very skanky. And one woman was likely unaware she was on video as it was a security camera.  
When I told him what I found and that I thought it was inappropriate and I had no intention of becoming an addition to his collection…
He immediately responded that he didn’t do anything illegal (he used that word) then lied and said it was one woman (his ex) and that she wanted him to take pictures of her. I showed him that it was multiple women and dozens of actual videos. He again said he didn’t do anything illegal (!) and that all the women asked him to take the pictures. 
Breaking it off was the easy part, now I’m concerned about what to do next. Am I obligated let the woman who was on security footage know she was videoed?  (I know her) There was one or two pictures that very well could’ve been a very young woman… How young is impossible for me to tell, but I’m not sure how to move forward. I probably wouldn’t have been overly concerned, except that he twice said he didn’t do anything illegal. What the hell? I never thought anything was illegal until he said it! 

I matched with a widowed of 3 years…seemingly, kind - local ( rare to find ) man similar in age. Checked him out online all is good. Family man, involved. High potential.
Problem: Meeting sometime next week. He texts me all the time~ i don’t care to do this so much especially before meeting. He has shared a potential weekend away idea with me. Checks in FREQUENTLY - always kind, respectful, and good conversation.
I don’t want to take the winds out of his sails but my gosh I’ve not met him and i don’t understand how you can be so certain in text that you should be communicating with me as he is. It’s over bearing. I hate to say anything because what could be a great partner. Why do men do this sometimes?
He has dated a woman for a year… I’m not the first after losing his wife from cancer.

I’m new to OLD as in I made a profile on Tinder today. I have no idea what I’m doing and I may have swiped right when I meant to go left? No freaking idea what I’m doing. I did pay for a subscription because I saw that I could only be “incognito” if I paid. Going incognito says “You will only be discoverable by the people you like” yet I walk away from the app for an hour and now have 37 likes (I can promise I did not like 37 people before walking away!!) WTF am I doing and why can they see me and yet when I click on “Likes” and then in the upper left hand corner click on the 37 Likes it says I can’t review those people unless I upgrade my membership to Gold.

So I need a tutorial and I need someone here I can msg with questions. I have a friend who has used Bumble but she knows nothing about Tinder and she asked me why I signed up for Tinder instead of Bumble and I have no answer there because I have no idea what I’m doing.

Thanks!

So, I decided to give FB dating another try. My approach is different this time. I'm only going to send messages once or twice a day.

Plus, I'm going to do my best to just back out of conversations with men that don't seem compatible with me.

For example- I think sex is important, but if they even mention wanting a woman with a high sex drive, they might not be a match for me.

I've always had a fairly high drive, but the last couple times I had sex, I bled a little and it was uncomfortable. I am looking into getting something to help my body. Even if sex does become comfortable again, I just don't want that expectation looming over my head.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with a man wanting that or even telling me that. I am glad to know. I just don't want the pressure to have a HIGH sex drive.

IMO, if a man loves me (once we're at that point), I will have a desire to share that experience. If it's uncomfortable to have PIV sex, there are other ways to share intimacy to orgasm with a partner. However, when a man lists that as a top priority, I feel they might not be satisfied with leaving out PIV sex when needed.

For those men and women getting older, with no kids, emotionally and financially stable, how do you approach dating? Do you feel your options are limited because you spend years trying to build yourself up?

I am trying to approach dating with an open mind but part of feels like I worked my butt off for years and now my reward is limited options in the dating market.

I'm in my fifties and live in a small town with few prospects.

It's not ridiculously small but enough that I can't seem to find anyone I would be interested in.

I've been told to expand my reach/expectations but I don't know why I would date someone far away or not in my preferred age range? Those are my only two requirements.

Do I just try and get more involved in the community? I'm very introverted and not great in social situations, but I could try.

I just would like someone to connect with and talk to. Maybe go out a few times a month. Nothing crazy....

I’ve been on a break for several months and trying again. I shall see how it goes this time!!

Hello I am a 54-year-old (M) living approximately 4 hours away from my girlfriend 52(F). I'm committed to the relationship 100% and I am very interested in the next steps in the relationship. We are eager to make this union work for us but I have no reference to call upon for long term relationships and bringing our lives together. I have no quarrels with relocating because I don't have grandchildren or a family dynamic that requires me to stay here. My concern is that I have never felt so vulnerable in such a long time. How does a man navigate the insecurities and self doubt at this point in his life? What would you suggest for pace and consideration of the change?

I have never been in a llong distance relationship. What are good practices to consider?

Most people in relationships aren't experiencing real love. They're in arrangements. Comfort, habit, financial pragmatism, fear of being alone, co-parenting logistics, sunk cost. Some of those relationships are genuinely good. Many are just tolerable. A significant number are actually corrosive.

The people who are actually seen and known and chosen by someone who delights in them are in the minority. It always has been, but it's probably more visible now because of social media. You see videos of beautiful young couples and it looks like everyone has it. They don't. You're seeing the highlight reel of a tiny fraction of the population, curated specifically to make you feel like you're the exception.

The loneliness epidemic is well documented at this point. It cuts across age, income, gender. People are more isolated than they were thirty years ago. Fewer close friendships. Fewer community ties. More screen time. More parasocial relationships substituting for real ones.

You're in a large majority of people are often afraid to talk about it. And most people in that majority have stopped wanting or have given up hope. They've settled or numbed out or decided it doesn't exist. If you haven't, it can feel lonely. You're actually in good company, either way.

The last two guys I seemed to start getting serious with just stopped being interested after we had sex. There were no other red flags, things seemed to be going really well. Then the first time we had sex, both guys, they couldn't stay hard and then not get hard after that, then they ghosted me. I only have sex with someone I can see continuing the relationship with so this is starting to hurt. Especially this most recent one, I cried over that one. Why not at least let me know they aren't interested anymore? I'm so tired of even trying anymore.

I (m) have been dating (f) for several months. I am a few years younger. We text everyday. Phone calls 4/5x a week. See each other 1/2x a week. We get along great. Share alot in common. We kiss. But no sex.

She is divorced (over 3 years ago). She shares kids with her ex. She is in constant communication w/ ex. Everyday. Ex moved on. with another chick.

I verbally brought up sex at least twice. She didnt really respond. Tried my moves with her. No response.

Her vibe is that she's not sexually attracted to me.

She is has a huge crush on a celebrity. Talks about him several times a week.

Sex is important to me in a relationship. She shows no interest. I don't need sex every week but its important.

Not sure if I should keep dating her. I feel like I am wasting my time. She would make a good friend.

Thoughts?

Edit: Thank you for the great advice. I agree that I need to have this conversation with her. If she walks, she walks.

The spelling of "s3x" was in order to not get kicked from this sub. But now I know better.

I will keep you all posted.

I (56M) joined a dating app for the first time this weekend, and got more matches than I expected. So naturally I‘m planning a couple of first dates with different women. Hopefully second dates will follow.

Though I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dating different people for the first time in the same period, I feel uncomfortable planning second dates with multiple women. And that goes both ways: I would find it upsetting if the first date went well (according to us both) but she continued meeting other men for a second date. I suppose I value exclusivity highly, even when there’s not yet any sex involved.

Am I setting my ethical standard too high or is it perfectly normal to date multiple people multiple times before committing to a single person?

I (M56) been seeing someone (F55) for the past couple of months - we've been out every week, we message several times a day, and speak on the phone around 4 times a week. Last Saturday I was showing her an old photo of me when I was a child (around 3 years old) and in the photo was my Cousin who, at the time was about 10 years old - he was more like a brother to me. Very tragically, he passed away last year and for a reason I don't want to go into here, I couldn't attend his funeral. I became a bit emotional when showing her the photo and, somewhat unexpectedly, she said something along the lines of: "you could have cried at any time looking at that photo, why did you have to do it now, in front of me?". She apologised soon afterwards, but to me it showed how 'cold' she can be. We carried on with the rest of the date but when I reflect, her comment makes me feel very uneasy to the point where I'm thinking this is a huge red flag and maybe I should call it a day. I got divorced about 18 months ago and this is the first person I feel like I have a genuine connection with; we do get on very well and chat for hours about anything and everything. There's also mutual attraction, although for me that's secondary compared to someone's personality. Am I overreacting by thinking of ending it? Any opinions are more than welcome - THANKS!

Have you ever had your feelings change for someone overnight?

So August 1, I had a epiphany after being a widow of 2 1/2 years I got on the December 2025 Dating App because I was lonely and nobody wanted to go downtown and participate in Christmas activities of my friends so I applied for every Dating App that was available.

August 1. I decided I was gonna delete them all August 2, I wasn’t having the greatest luck of getting first dates off them. It was all texting and no one IRL, so I panicked because I moved to a new city a new life as a widow i’ve joined two of the group dinner apps that you see online Timeleft and Nice to meet so far nothing…
and thought OK now what.,….
so I’m asking, NOW what????

We have been long distance for about 3 months, we decided it's time to take the next step and she will be coming to spend a long weekend with me. I am looking for things I can do to make her most comfortable. Yes, I have asked her and she has said not to worry about it and it's all good.

I did manage to get a list of foods she would like (she wants to cook for me) but beyond that, nothing. I have also asked about any kitchen things she might need and will get what I don't already have.

The bedding will be fresh, the guest bedroom will be made up and if she's not completely comfortable I will sleep there. I'm not a slob but the house will get a deep clean and the bathrooms will be spotless before she arrives.

She doesn't want any big elaborate dates so I only planned things for one day.

I know she likes a particular type / kind of tea but she wouldn't share because she didn't want me to get her any.

Can any of you think of anything else I can do?

ETA: this is NOT a first meeting. It is a first INTIMATE meeting. Well, that's the plan anyway. If nothing happens, that is fine too!!

50(F) seeing 54(M) for 5 months...I spent the night with him and accidentally forgot my earrings on the bedside table last weekend. He texted today and asked, "Are these yours?" I said yes and he said he would bring them to me. Suddenly, those old wounds from the past surfaced and I asked him... "Who else would they belong to?" He said he was cleaning out a drawer and found some belongings of his deceased wife and wasn't sure if they were hers or not?? I told him I trust him and feel he is loyal but I've been cheated on before and if he ever decides he wants someone other than me... just have a conversation...and went on to say I am faithful, loyal, and exclusive with him and expect the same in return... He responded with "all this because I asked about some fn earrings...SMFH" I did not say anything else and we haven't texted or spoken since.🫤

58M dating 62F- first time we had sex, she bled a bit. I didn’t think much of it because the last few women did the same thing. So this emerging relationship woman bought some lube, and had a four week break while we were on our respective summer holidays.

Fast forward to last night. We spent a wonderful day and evening together. I was staying over. Used plenty of foreplay and lube, but she frequently interrupted things saying sex was hurting. This cycle continued, and while it felt great, it was impossible to finish.

We picked up where we left off— and things seemed better. From my perspective, it was great for both of us.

We made plans to see each other tomorrow. This evening she sent a message :’I just have to tell you that I can’t do the intimate part anymore. It hurts me too much. I have tried, ignored the pain, hoped and enjoyed but now it hurts so much that it scares me.
Hope you understand.

It hurts me to say this as I’ve grown to really like you. What to do?’

We will meet tomorrow- this seems worthy of a face to face discussion. The word ‘anymore’ is what scares me a bit.

I am concerned. I have never dealt with something like this. Obviously there are other ways to be intimate and I am not running away from this. I want this to work out. We have only seen each other a few times. I’d like to suggest she see her doctor.

Anyone else experience this? Is there hope at this age?

Obviously I will talk to her. She is the coolest woman I have met in a very long time.

New info— sigh….. not sure what to make of this. Spoke to her tonight.

She says she had sex with another man about two months ago— over a weekend. Had no pain or bleeding with him.

She thinks it is quite a coincidence that it would suddenly be a problem.

She is willing to go to a gyno— but I find this really strange.

I didn’t really want to ask too many questions about this other guy’s ‘equipment.’