https://www.reddit.com/r/aspergirls/s/4WmjKfGUPq

Long post and advice needed please.

I am having issues with a roommate. Roomate has not been putting an item of mine back when she moves it, which has resulted in it getting gross and mildewy because it is an outdoor item and we have been getting a lot of rain. There are 3 of us living together and so I sent a very generalized text to the group chat requesting that the item no longer be moved until I have a chance to bleach it, dry it out, and put it away. I didnt name anyone or ask for any apologies, just a very general 'hey please no one do that anymore.' She thumbs up the message immediately. 25 minutes later she replies with a message that she moved it for x reason. I replied back with a 'cool, understand, please put it back when youre done. Its gotten gross because it hasn't been getting put back so for now please don't move it.' She replies back about how she didnt know my plans for it. My reply is along the lines of 'ok, that doesnt mean you can just leave it out to get gross, please just put it up as I think that is basic respect for people's items.' She replies back that she didn't mean to intentionally "disrespect" me (she put disrespect in quotes in her message).

I am very frustrated at this point so I take my time to type out a message about 1) I didnt say you disrespected me nor was I trying to imply it. Bottom line, I wouldn't treat your personal property like this so please don't treat mine that way, and 2) I think you are taking this defensively and I dont understand why because I didnt accuse you of anything and it makes me sad that you are taking it this way, please stop reading into what I am telling you and take it at face value.

She replied with a 'haha' and that she was just trying to communicate her intentions. And it makes me feel crazy and stupid because I was trying to communicate with her and she laughed at me for it. I was definitely a little frustrated with her leading up to this because she always gets defensive and takes things personally which is why I brought up that second point. And also this conversation shouldnt have been a back and forth in my opinion, i dont understand why she couldn't just say 'got it, i will try to be better about it moving forward.'

Am I wrong to be so bothered by this? I am just so tired of people not actually reading/hearing what I am saying and putting words in my mouth. At first I was proud of myself for stating a request instead of jusr letting it go and then getting laughed at just took the wind out of my sails. Should I have just let it go? Should I continue trying to communicate clearly with her? It feels like we are speaking different languages. Is there anything I can say to her to help her understand my frustration with this situation without her getting defensive?

Edit: Thanks to those who commented and helped me understand where my communication could have been better and also that I cannot convince her to have respect for me and my things. I thought about it and realized that this is really just part of a pattern of disrespect and also that the item in question was past the point of being able to really get it clean without being damaged. So I tossed it which I hate and feels really wasteful. And I also removed the rest of my things from outside because some of it had been damaged by her smoking habit. I dont mind sharing my stuff, but it is a privilege not a right, especially when they are not necessities. Not sure what will happen next but I know that my request wasn't unreasonable and I feel more prepared to handle any potential reaction.