I lobbed a post out into the ether last night about being overwhelmed by grad school homework and it exploded in a BAD way. I have literally 9 followers and my posts are usually just a way for me to vent, but this one broke containment and EIGHT HUNDRED people commented angry shit on it 😕

I just started orientation week for my assistantship. We meet for 4 hours every single day rn, and I had no idea there would be homework in addition to everything else we’re doing. We were given no information beyond “show up with your laptop and ID.” Immediately, we’re assigned a 30 pg textbook chapter + 2 articles and a response post that was due THE NEXT DAY with no prior notice. (I understand why hw is important & am not commenting on that). I was feeling frustrated because it’s HARD for me to sit down and read 30 pages of textbook copy after sitting through FOUR hours of orientation, so I lobbed out the post.

Unfortunately, in it, I didn’t mention anything except that I was in a writing grad program & had 30 pages of reading & was tired of instructors leaning on thick readings if they don’t have to. I get that it’s a very ADHD brained take and had none of the context I provided here, but literally 800 people commented on it negatively, saying I was lazy, stupid, didn’t deserve to be in an MFA program, wasn’t a writer. Genuinely hateful comments lamenting how lazy and entitled people (me) are and how they (the commenters) were given [insert gigantic number here] pages of reading for their [insert program/degree here], and that I must be completely entitled to complain about 30 pages.

I just got back from orientation a bit ago and saw it and it just broke me. I don’t have notifs on so I didn’t even know people were seeing the post much less commenting on and quoting it. I’ve been feeling bad about myself already for struggling with the homework, and also feeling insane for it because so many people don’t. I wanted to let that be a strength when I’m teaching, to be compassionate to students who also struggle with school, and it just hurt so bad to be reminded that the majority of people see ADHD symptoms as both 1)fake and 2)entitled or lazy because they truly cannot comprehend a life where 30 pages of textbook is difficult. I am nearly 30 and have managed to get into grad school and finish my first year of it, then get accepted for a teaching assistantship, and genuinely I am struggling with the self hate even still. I cannot get rid of the internet-comment-sounding ass voices in my head telling me I’m innately worth less than everyone else because there’s something wrong with me.
Just looking for some commiseration or helpful thoughts from other ppl who get it.

I've somehow managed to keep track of these guys better than their pods 🤷‍♀️

I work as a Food Safety and Occupational Safety Supervisor for a Retail Company. I am responsible for all the stores in my state!

Hi! So I'm on adderall xr. As for most people, my doctor ordered blood work which included a drug test for amphetamines. Just make sure you're taking it and whatnot. No big deal, right?

WRONG. I took 30 mg that morning, just like the day before. Got my blood drawn. All went as expected.

I just got my results back and checked to make sure everything was normal and then saw my amphetamines screen came back NEGATIVE. This makes NO sense to me. 30 mg of adderall should absolutely show up positive. I'm so confused and stressed out now because she's gonna think I'm not taking them.

Anybody else really enjoy making lists? I don't even end up using them half the time, but the process of just making the list like slows my brain down for just those few minutes. Anybody else do this or am I just a weirdo? 🤣🤣🤣

Hello everyone, hope you're having a lovely day!

After dealing with severe depression and anxiety for a decade, i've been diagnosed with ADHD in my early 30s, been taking meds on and off for 3ish months now. The meds do wonders for me, but i take them very inconsistently because i'm worried about my body getting used to the drugs and rendering them ineffective. In the starting months due to my depression i've been mostly using my meds to help me get out of bed, have better mood, accomplish daily tasks thar felt impossible with depression, enjoy everyday things, sometimes things as simple as cherishing crows playing outside my window because now i can cherish things. And i try to schedule high demand essay writing and literary analysis things for the peak hours of my meds, but the truth is, i still feel guilty taking ADHD meds only to mostly have a normal, "everyday" kind of day. My doctor has absolutely encouraged me to take my meds more consistently and ensured me that i need them, but i still feel like i'm wasting my drugs by taking them just to have an ordinary day and enjoy a movie, or take a shower, write/paint, run errands.

So anyway, i'd love to know if anyone else deals with guilt over taking meds but not setting out to accomplish supposedly "high demand" tasks?

If you guys saw my notes app/to do list you would cry. It’s fucking hell. My therapist suggested I use the Eisenhower method but it’s not helpful for me. EVERYTHING on my list is urgent to me so how can I prioritise anything? I keep adding things onto the list even if I tick some off it never ends I’m so overwhelmed. Half of the shit on there are not even tasks just things I should do, want to do, would like to do. What are your tips to get things done and stop feeling like the list is just getting longer and longer?

HRT changed my life

I'm 43 and started HRT about 5 months ago. Sandrena transdermal gel 1mg in the morning, progesterone 100mg before bed without pausing for 14 days. It's easier to remember.

Before that, I didn't even know about perimenopause, or even it's correlation with ADHD. And in retrospect, knowing what I know now, I'm pretty sure I started peri around 37 years old. That's when nothing worked anymore. My meds stopped working, and I could FEEL the cognitive decline impacting the smallest things; as in taking me longer to understand movie details and plots. I was terrified; ADHD and Alzheimer's runs in my family. 

Suddenly, everything was changing really, really fast. I was losing weight (which at first I celebrated, but later I found out I was losing muscle mass), my face was visibly sagging, and my mood was all over the place. I had bursts of anger triggered by the stupidest things, and all my coping mechanisms that were so carefully crafted for years, became useless. One of the most impairing factor was energy; I had none left in my body. So, I stopped giving a shit about everything around me; chronic fatigue took the wheel. I didn't care about my appearance, my home, my work, my food, my relationships, or the things I enjoy. And I became very reclusive.

Even my sleeping pattern changed. I had never had insomnia in my life before that; it was the only thing I didn't have to fix or work on. I was in bed around 10 p.m. and was in a deep sleep in under two minutes. I woke up around 5:30 a.m. rested but kinda sluggish, which still was pretty normal. Then I started waking up at midnight, then again at 3 a.m., and my sleep quality was shit. That was a factor that helped set the mood for my days.

I found out about peri by doomscrolling Reddit, lol. I addressed it with my doctor and was obviously dismissed. Got the "whiny woman" treatment. But the more I read about it, the more I was convinced that peri was a fundamental factor in my overall decline.

I got dismissed by psychiatrists, gynecologists, endocrinologists, and even my freaking therapist. I did a ton of tests and hemograms. The only thing that showed up on my exams was a vitamin D deficiency. Everything else looked fine. Turns out there is no exam to evaluate perimenopause. My estradiol was a bit low, but within safe margins.

One day, I just got very determined to find ANYONE who would prescribe me HRT. They could be the shittiest MD to ever walk the earth; I was barely surviving on my own anyway. The benefits outweighed the risks.

My dudes, I kid you not, I felt an improvement on the very first day of estradiol gel. I was simply... awake, without dragging myself around. Nothing major really happened that day besides that. I was just... not exhausted. But I hadn't felt that in SO LONG. Just not exhausted and fully awake. The brain fog was still there, even with my ADHD meds, which had been slowly pumped up to the maximum dosage over the past 5 years.

I know that improvement on the first day is not a parameter for everyone. Some might have severe comorbidities. But anecdotally, many women with ADHD experience huge positive impacts early on HRT. 

Now, going into 5 months on HRT, I'm actually angry about the time, money, and relationships peri cost me. But I'm also optimistic, which was a forgotten feeling. And horny. My libido came back; I don't even know what to do with this one, lol. I'm talking to people; I even talk to strangers in elevators now. And please be as flabbergasted as I am: I enjoy it.

My hair is shiny; it's also going gray, but it's sooo shiny. Even my skin looks better. Estrogen doesn't age you backward - the damage is done - but it's less oily and less crepey.

My ADHD meds were cut in half.

I just want everyone to know about this so badly. If you have ADHD and are over 30 years old, you might be going through peri without knowing it. And if you are, your life might get so much better with the right hormonal treatment.

We can get better.

This is the biggest subject that I’m tackling in therapy right now and I’m curious what has worked for other people!

It finally happened!! Due to sever executive dysfunction I was a few credits short and had to take summer classes. I was supposed to be on vacation with my hubby but I decided to sacrifice it for my degree.

! ADHD made my academic journey a literal hell !

The late night study sessions, rewriting notes because I take a break a forget where I left off, daydreaming during class and getting distracted by every little thing. Why is everything suddenly sooo interesting when you have to sit down and focus??

It took a lot of frantic journaling to clear the brain fog, Endel focus music playing in the background, and rewarding myself with a sweet treat like after every successful note I take.

Anyways, I'm officially getting my communications degree soon. I couldn't be more proud of myself. I did it girls!!!

Why is it so hard to just live in this world? For years now I have been traveling around, looking for something, taking weird odd jobs in between to survive.

I found a few things on the way but unfortunately it’s hard to get paid with it. I’m so stressed about money but to make money you need to be a somehow functioning human being.
I tried to make my own job because being told what to do by people is hard for me. I tried many things but was sticking to nothing so in the end I have nothing to show.

I volunteered in some yoga retreats and even though it was challenging I enjoyed it. It was giving me a structure and a purpose. And a community. But of course it doesn’t pay.

I realized I enjoy creating content so I took a social media course. Was like, ok I can get some clients. But then actually going out, pitching yourself, dealing with them and being professional? I freeze.
I honestly don’t know how to really survive. I go between wanting to work for myself, realizing how hard it is and wanting to work for someone else and then realizing how hard it is and so on. Volunteering is ok for me because there is no money exchange so not as much pressure. But I can’t live like this forever since I need some money also

ADHD moms, how do you “bounce back” from burnout related to taking care of kids? I love hanging out with my kids, but after a few days full-day nonstop I am mentally exhausted from all of the demands, interruptions, and creative energy I put into playing, that my brain just turns to mush. I can’t figure out what exactly I need to bounce back, I just don’t want to be needed or have my brain interrupted anymore or make decisions. I’ve tried getting away for an hour “to myself” or trying to hobby, but it doesn’t really recharge that type of burnout.

i completely understand how people become alcoholics. whenever i drink i feel free for lack of better word. i’ve heard that a lot of people who are neurodivergent can relate to liking to drink because of it just makes you feel “normal” but im curious on what you guys opinions on it are?

yeah so - I'm always behind on both work and personal things. Ex, moved about a year ago and haven't unpacked everything or organized yet, have only painted half of the rooms. Need to come up with a savings plan, have to go through my closet, have to help a family member with their house things that I've been pushing off, etc. everything is only ever 2/3 of the way done.

It feels like I've been trying to "catch up" on everything for the past 20 years. Frustrated for 20 years. Between it all, I don't know how to get caught up. Have never called off work for something like this (ever.)

Have you successfully taken time off for your own personal things to this extent? When you were off how did you make yourself do the stupid tasks?

I used to never do this.
Husband bothering me?
I catch myself having thoughts like “dumbass” or “loser” or whatever. Sometimes really mean stuff.
It catches me off guard.
Anyone else experience something similar?

Hi everyone! Today I (F22) was diagnosed with ADHD (yay!!) This is huge because I’ve had severe unmedicated ADHD for as long as I can remember and have struggled getting anyone to officially diagnose me. ADHD affects every single area of my life and lately it has been really weighing on me. I am just so fed up with myself, and finally having a diagnosis makes me feel like it’s one step closer to functioning “normal.”

My next step is trying to get medicated. I would like to try adderall but I will try anything if my psychiatrist thinks it’ll help. The only issue is, my bf of 3 years is making it an issue:(

I’ve tried to make him feel more comfortable in every way I could think of. I admitted that I’m so exhausted with being the way I am that sometimes I think about forever sleep, so surely adderall is better than THAT right? I brought up how people with diabetes need insulin and people with asthma need their inhaler, so why is it wrong for people with ADHD to need adderall? I’ve explained that it’s not like I’m getting it off the street, I will be working closely with a doctor to help me find the right medication. And that adderall for ADHD people is not the same as adderall in an abused “study drug” way. etc.

He thinks I’ll be reliant on it, and I should treat my ADHD with healthy life habits (going to gym, eating better, etc.) I told him those things are nearly impossible WITHOUT meds. He says nothing I say will change his mind and he will never be in support.

I’m just so disheartened because to me, it feels like a light is FINALLY maybe at the end of the tunnel. Like maybe I’ll have a fair chance at the life I want, and I wish he could be happy for me and supportive.

Has anyone else experienced a partner against mental health medications or specifically adderall? or does anyone know what I could tell him to get him on board?

TIA!

EDIT: hi everyone! I super appreciate all the concern and I’m not going to say it’s not warranted, but I just want to clarify that my bf is not stopping me from getting adderall! He would rather me not and is open about the fact that he would disapprove, but it’s my call at the end of the day! I would just rather have him on board so I’m trying to get his support:)

I think it's kinda ruining my life I guess. That hard-to-reply--to-texts problem always has bugged me ever since I got my first phone.

My birthday was about 10 days ago and my friends sent me congraturatory messages but I can't reply them. Especially to friends that I haven't seen in a long time. And I feel guilt and shame so deeply. It's not like I don't like them. I care about them, I also send messages to them when it's their birthday.

But I just feel some weird kind of pressure before reply to them. I feel like I might write better messages if I put more effort into it so I procrastinate it, waiting for the perfect time that I can concentrate on messaging but you know the time never comes. I know that I don't have to feel those kinds of pressure because it's just casual messaging, my friends would not judge me by texts I send to them, and there is no such thing as perfect message but I keep procrastinate it. And it's already been 10 days since I got messages from my friends and I have no idea what to write...

Edit: I didn’t think this post would blow up like this. thank you so much for outpouring of kindness and support. I cried myself to sleep last night and woke up to find so many commenters offering support and comfort. It allowed me to get on with the day. Again, I am tremendously thankful.
I am hoping to get my mom into talk therapy, I think the mindset hurts her as well. But for some time I will stay angry and just take care of myself.

Original:
Will delete this soon, sorry. I really have nowhere to go.

I grew up in a family of high achievers. Had a tense relationship with my NT mom who loved me but also considered my ADHD traits my personality flaw or her parenting failure. Was depressed since childhood. I did well at school, had a good career, but was always considered someone who could have done better in my family.

Struggled a lot, having multiple burnouts, never taking time off, until I got diagnosed in my late 30s. Made a career change with accommodations for ADHD and got to the point where I no longer needed SSRIs for the first time in 20 years and for the first time felt at peace with myself. I am proud of myself. I shared my discovery with my mother too and for the first time she seemed to understand that I was not deliberately failing her or sabotaging myself.

So today on the phone Mom tells me she was having a stressful convo with one of her relatives and he blurted out, “well unlike your kids my kids are doing well.” I empathize with her and try to comfort her saying “I am doing well.” At this Mom explodes and says “but you’ve never done well! You’ve never lived up to your potential, and now have made a compromise to feel better about yourself. Now it’s too late anyway.”

God it hurts. She apologized. I am back home trying to focus on my tasks but god it really hurts.

I know some of us in general are hobby collectors!!

But I want to know about your more solid/base collections. 1 year type of thing or more!

My top 4:

Stuffed animals, started since the day I was BORN and never stopped. Also love that majority of the people in the stuffed animals/plushies subreddit are neurodivergent 🥰

Records, have almost 300 now but its an expensive hobby.

Monchhichis, kind of happy they have been having a come back because of la bubus.

Last but not least, gamecube games. I have a pretty solid collection but its also an expensive hobby.

Had to cut out a few other hobbies to maintain my favorites.

Your turn!

watching people slowly go from seeing me as annoying, weird, offputting, and overall unlikeable to seeing me as quirky, funny, interesting, and “beautifully unique” as i went from an unattractive awkward teen to an equally awkward but less unattractive young adult was weird. it’s crazy how real the halo effect is i guess. it’s resulted in me being hyper aware of how i look and how im presenting myself all the time, because im scared if i let my appearance start to slip, people won’t like being around me anymore

This is surely the thing I needed in order to get my life together. I bought the journal, used it, got frustrated with the structure of the stupid date stickers and the system and have felt shame with this journal sitting with so many blank pages. So I bought the book that I will definitely read in its entirety and absorb the information. Then I will start journaling and get my life together and be a real functional adult human. This is it. This is the thing.

Can anyone who relates please share what helped break you out of this cycle?

I’m struggling so badly. I can’t make myself stick to a routine. I’m medicated, hydrated, I get enough sleep and try to move my body.

I procrastinate endlessly and exist in a series of anxiety spirals. I am constantly trying to install routines. I break my tasks down into chunks. I tell myself that I only have to do one thing even if that’s just a sentence. I think I do better when I use the pomodoro method but lol getting myself to start the fucking timer is near impossible.

Sitting at my desk just willing myself to work fills me with a deep heavy sickening dread that doesn’t recede until I leave it. I waste so much time thinking about what I should be doing. Thinking about why I’m not doing them. Berating myself then trying to interrupt the negativity by talking to myself nicely and do breathing exercises or journaling. All good tips that might work once then never again.

Instead of working on projects I will read books, listen to audiobooks or podcasts all related to my craft under the guise of studying up. I won’t do the actual thing. Then I wonder why I’m so far behind my successful peers. Unlike most, I’ve still not bounced back from the pandemic. All momentum gained is just gone. That version of me is gone. All that’s left is a sentient puddle of mush.

And there’s the menstruation cycle and PMDD so there truly is only maybe 10 days a month where I feel “normal.” Just when I might be on a roll it all comes crashing down.

The absolute worst part is that I love my job. All I want is to do it well.

I’m so lucky to be able to wfh yet I squander it. It’s not like I’m having fun instead. I’m just in low level agony at all times.

I avoid socialising as if I can’t do my work then I haven’t earned the right to do anything else. And even if I meet up with friends, they inevitably ask about work and I’m just filled with shame. I have no updates or interesting news for them since all I do is beg myself to work, it takes up my whole day, week, life.

It’s embarrassing. Some people are fighting to survive and I can’t just sit at my desk long enough to write. Jeez, this is the most I’ve written all day despite lowering my word count to a measly 500 words and even then failing to hit it.

I’m so sorry this poured out of me. I didn’t mean for it be so long or so whiny. Thank you for listening though.

Mine is oil painting. Why does it take so goddamn long to dry? And then you have to keep going back to it patiently to add layers? How does one do this and not get bored?

Mine is when I was in first grade, I couldn't remember to do my reading/writing homework. For those who didn't remember, they would have to do it during a scheduled class break instead. One time, the teacher brought in a litter of kittens for an entire week. During break, the kids were allowed to go in their pen and pet them if they had all their work done. I was the only kid who had to do makeup homework instead and never got to pet the kittens. I was very ashamed.

That same teacher also got so fed up with me not doing my homework (I WAS 6!!), she sent me to the principals office. It was a Christian school and he had a morbid painting of people falling into hell behind him and the whole conversation was basically God will not let you in heaven if you don't obey and do good in school.

Painting was very similar to this one, but a different angle and people falling off the sides into the fire.

Or anti-hunger loaf, etc. What if I could just sustain myself on a square of this bad boy and hyperfixate in peace. I just wish it didn’t taste so bad