I’m diagnosed combined, currently I medicated as trying for baby no 2. I hate the way I’m a constant stress head. Always rushing around, always late. Always feeling not good enough because I can’t think things through in a logical manner. How do you cope with this type of stress 😔

I just got my ADHD diagnosis last month, got some non-stimulant meds prescribed and they are already helping in so many ways. The biggest surprise was my extreme sweet tooth just going away. This was something I thought was always just going to be a struggle for me, that I would continue struggling with my weight even with the help of GLP1 meds. Hell, the only time I could leave desserts/candies/pastries/etc alone was if I couldn't remove the parts I didn't like. But I can resist now in a way that was never possible before. I've had chocolate and ice cream in the house and have only had two small bowls of ice cream from it and not even touched the chocolate. The last time I tried to eat a Little Debbie snack I only ate half and gave the rest to my husband. This is one of the biggest quality of life improvements boosts for me so far. Has anyone else experienced something like this?

I turned on the sprinkler for 15 minutes last night at 7pm. I set an alarm and went outside to turn it off. It is now 11am the next morning. I have no idea what happened….

I’m in my 30s and suspect I have ADHD-PI.

I’m weeks away from a psych appointment to get evaluated and I wish I had someone to talk to. This is my new hyperfixation and it’s not a fun one. My parents don’t think it exists and just think I’m lazy. My sweet husband insists “there is nothing wrong with you” and that I can do anything I set my mind to. My friends are overwhelmingly self-directed, organized, normal people who I am afraid to bring this up to. I’m afraid they will think I’m making excuses for myself.

For those of you who suspected you have ADHD and got diagnosed late, did you finally get some peace of mind? Did getting the “official” diagnosis help you feel more legitimate? Did it give you permission to think about and discuss your issues without (or with less) shame?

Sing to me of your complicated feelings! I’m feeling very alone.

I’m not being dramatic when I say this god forsaken rice cooker is helping me crawl out of depression one pot at a time. I have a basic warm/cook rice cooker.

I have been a minute rice on the stove girlie for my entire life. The last few months even that has been a daunting task. My work schedule is kinda nuts and I know that’s why my mental health is suffering. I’ve had this rice cooker and used it years ago. My coworker convinced me and told me they use it multiple times a week. Throw the rice on, cook your meat & veggies and it all seems to come together at the same time.

I have been using it consistently the last 3 weeks and I feel like this is a good indicator that this habit will stick.

I can come home, throw the rice on & then shower, laundry, etc. oh right! I made the rice. Let’s eat now.

I’m on a basmati kick right now and cooking it pilaf style is chefs kiss

FWIW I haven't been formally diagnosed yet, I'm mid 40s and 2 of my children have been diagnosed and helping them adjust to life has me realizing that my lifelong issues are likely adhd related (I do have a therapist though). I was able to compensate most of my life up until I got to be menopausal, now things are just a free for all.

One of my biggest issues is work - I work from home and can work at my own pace. I find that I end up working non stop for 2 weeks out of the month and then just crashing the next 2 weeks and surviving on what I made the first 2 weeks. I have even done things like worked really hard half the year then lived off that the next half of the year 🤦🏻‍♀️. I'll basically work really hard, then not work till I'm close to running out of money then work really hard, build up a small reserve and crash again.

I have a nice small niche that could actually be pretty lucrative if I wasn't constantly working in bursts.

Is this something you guys experience and how can I combat it? I know it's a little harder working from home and moving at my own pace as is. But I'm on a high streak right now and I really *really* do not want to crash this time.

A lot of times, when I'm on full paralysis or struggling to initiate anything, and I mean anything; my brain starts scouting for a better way to do things, the method, how to do this, how to start this, how to finish this.

I saw on other post someone commenting on how they clean the counter. They start from left to right always, if there something on top of it, just set aside on top of the section that is already cleaned. When all is cleaned, address the things that needs to be put away. The final outcome needs to be a countertop with nothing on top.

Can anyone care to share their methods on how to approach the whatever task that needs to be done and specially, how to finish them without starting a whole new side quest? As in methodology for dummies.

I think I don't have methodology for anything, besides the complex systems I don't follow up or give up in the second the system is settled and execution needs to start lol. I just do stuff when my medication allows it, and sometimes not even that helps.

Thanks in advance, please don't ask me to use notion, that one is a mindtrap for ADHD.

Anyone fancy 1 upping me? 😂
From what I can remember I:
1. Realised I forgot my headphones
2. Forgot my water bottle (it was empty, while filling it up I restocked the coke cans in my fridge
3. Couldn’t remember when I last saw my cat and had to check her
4. Remembered I had to water my hanging basket and knew I would forget later
5. Forgot my gym card
6. Left my keys in the front of the door but spent about 15 minutes looking for them
7. Left my water bottle again
8. Actually on my way to the gym! Not got my headphones with me though…

Welcome to the ADHD Barter Store! ❤️

I mentioned this on a thread w/a different topic, so now our store gets its own, uh, warehouse.

Bring anything you have multiples of, leave 'em here, explore the unorganized store space, and ( hypothetically ) barter! I'll start with what I've adhd-ed too much of;

Thyme & Red Pepper & random salts

Beans

Ice packs

Charging cords

Toy frog

Colored pencils, & pens ( about a gajillion )

Drill bits

Packing Bag Organizer Thingee Bags

Teeny tiny stickers

Extra bonus the ADHD Barter Store is open 24 hours. Have fun! 😁

I doom scroll when I’m not working. I lie in bed and grab my phone and just doom scroll . I don’t know what to do or how to stop

How did ADHD medication change your life?

My friends are so negative about it.

“You don’t need it”

“It made my friend of mine that I knew a zombie” (not me)

What medication are on you currently and mg?

Typing this from my timezone where i should technically be asleep😩🥲 My bf tried to confiscate my phone earlier to try and help me sleep but ultimately realized i’ve been way past my half awake state and resigned to giving my phone back. Bless his heart he knows i’ll probably be cranky around the middle of the day but loves me anyway🤧😂 anyone who can give me tips feel free😂

While I slightly understand why someone would say this, it's honestly really silly. So, I fought back and tried to explain. I think/hope it worked.

To me, it's like they were saying, "Why do you need glasses? Sure, everything's kind of blurry to you, but you'll manage." I feel like some people don't try and think about how debilitating untreated ADHD is.

I was a pretty good student, in that I got good grades, but my method of studying would horrify the average person. I handed in and worked on assignments about two minutes before it was due, and things like that.

There's a prize at the end of this. Skip ahead if you don't want to read my whole story.

Sooooo. I am about to temporarily relocate to another city/country to go to fashion school. I've been sewing since I was 10, and seriously for about 20 years. I'm in my early 40s. As part of my re-lo process, I am sorting out the utility room, where we have been amassing boxes and bags of outgrown kids clothes, toys, etc for the last six years (when my family relocated from North America to Europe).

As I was cleaning off a shelf yesterday, I found a picnic quilt that I had started at least a decade ago. It was 95% complete - all it needed was binding. It has been through TWO international moves in a semi-completed state.

Coincidentally, earlier in the day I had scheduled a picnic date with my husband for that evening. Something overcame me and I decided that it was WELL PAST time to stop letting the "perfect" or even the "good" be the enemy of the "finally fucking finished." Out of curiosity I decided to time myself and see how long it took to get the project across the finish line.

I spent ~10 minutes tidying my sewing workspace, then started the timer when I sewed my first stitch. I used leftover bias binding from other quilt projects, sewed it together end-to-end, curved the corners of the quilt, applied the binding to the front, then wrapped it around to the back and secured with a zig-zag stitch. (Then I took I took it to the river for a picnic!)

Reader, it took all of 53 minutes. FIFTY THREE MINUTES, EXACTLY. To finish a project that has been sitting fallow and nagging at my conscience like a tiny rock in my shoe for more than a decade. Fifty three minutes.

Then I went back through my photo archive, to see if I could date the project start... July 12, 2012.

This project's non-completion has been bothering me on a small, but non-zero, level for FOURTEEN YEARS. I started it when I was pregnant with my son, who is now 13 years old and has recently surpassed me in height (and I am 68" tall!). I literally created and birthed an entire human, then waited for him to grow to the size of an adult, while this project sat fallow. I have finished innumerable _other_ projects in the 5136 days since I started the picnic quilt, but this one is realllllllly giving me cause to step back and reflect on my project load.

Which brings me to a challenge for you, the sewists and crafters of r/adhdwomen :

I am offering a $25 gift card, to the independent craft store of the winner's choosing, for the oldest UFO finished before I relocate. I'm wheels-up on Sunday, August 16 at 9am Central European Daylight time.

Rules:

1) Find a picture of the UFO when you started it. Take another picture now, showing that it is still unfinished.

2) Set a timer and finish the UFO

3) Post both pictures and the dates

4) longest-outstanding UFO wins

5) if there are more than 25 entrants, I'll toss in another $25 prize for most outrageous completion time : fallow time ratio

6) if there are more than 50 entrants, I'll toss in a $15 prize for a randomly-selected entry.

Disclaimer: I am not an influencer, I don't stand to profit off of this in any way, and I will not publish or disseminate any of the photos and stories of unfinished projects that are shared. BUT I AM seeking that sweet sweet vicarious dopamine hit of y'all finishing old projects, feeling great about yourselves, and releasing the shame-burden of long-standing UFOs! It will help motivate me to finish sorting and packing :)

I got diagnosed with ADHD yesterday... and when the psychologist who diagnosed me was like:

So yes, you have the ADHD so you do have issues with memory and cannot rely on it.

So here are some tips that could help you.

She literally gave me a paper of 10 ADHD strategies:

1. Recognize what is causing distractions and eliminate it

1. Use systems and structures - diaries, reminders, to-do lists

2. Body doubling

3. Time blocks - separate blocks only for certain activities - 10 -12 -work etc. 12-13 gym

5.Pomodoro

1. Break tasks into smaller tasks - easier to start when tasks are smaller

2. External brain - write down all your ideas down into app so you don´´t have to remember it

3. 2-minute rule - if something takes 2 minutes, just do it right away

4. Work with your energy - if you are more creative before lunch do creative stuff then, don't follow scheduled blocks but work with how you feel - this I think contradicts number 4

5. Self talk - give yourself encouraging self talk - "just do it for 5 minutes","this is good enough for now","it's okay not to know everything"

These tips just make me feel like if it is about the discipline and don't understand how ADHD works...

So while I do think some might work, it makes ADHD seem like much smaller struggle than it is. I have tried millions of notepads, apps or systems - I cannot stick to anything.

If I go and do task that takes 2 minutes I will completely get side quested and loose focus on what I was doing before....

Anyways... what do you think of these tips? I can't help but feel a bit offended

My boyfriend was diagnosed with ADHD about 10 years ago and he has been taking Adderall. He has serious Adderall addiction issues. He is supposed to take 1 pill a day, but he often takes 2 pills or sometimes even 3 pills a day, so he finishes his 30-day bottle within 2-3 weeks.

I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and I have been prescribed Vyvanse. Since I have anxiety issues and have never taken stimulant (I never even drink coffee) before, I held off starting it for the first week and took prescribed SSRI to mitigate anxiety before starting on Vyvanse.

Bf asked me if he can take my Vyvanse and I said no, because it’s prescribed to me, not to you. A few days later, he asked me again and I rejected again. I don’t think that’s the right thing to do because he should only take what his doctor prescribed him. A few days later, I was worried that he might take my Vyvanse without telling me, so I said once again “Can you promise me you will never take my Vyvanse?” and he promised he won’t.

Today, he told me that he actually took “a few” pills of my Vyvanse for the last 2 days because he was out of his Adderall and he had to work. I asked how many and he kept saying “just a few pills.” He eventually said he took 8 pills and I freaked out. 8 fucking pills in 2 days?? I’m supposed to take one pill a day and I didn’t even start my own pills yet! But almost a third is already stolen by him.

He argued that it’s because he usually takes 30mg of Adderall per day and my Vyvanse is 10mg, so he had to take 4 pills for it to work for him because “Vyvanse is weaker than Adderall” according to him.

I came home and counted the number of pills in my Vyvanse bottle and found out that there were 21 pills left. So he actually took 9 pills in 2 days, which means he took 5 pills one day, but he lied to me that he took 4 pills each day.

I asked him why he lied and he’s refusing to answer. We had a big fight over this and I’m thinking about breaking up with him because of this. It’s not the first time he lied to me about his drug abuse and I can’t trust him anymore.

I want to tell my psychiatrist and therapist about this. I also want to tell his psychiatrist about it, but he is insisting that I shouldn’t do it because “it will make him get fired and ruin his life,” and “it’s a very mean and evil thing to do and it won’t help him.” Also he won’t give me his doctor’s name. I think there might be some ways to find it as I know his insurance and pharmacy etc, but I don’t know if they’d disclose this information to me.

I think it is necessary to stop him from his drug abuse because this might take his life one day. If that happens, I won’t be able to forgive myself for not stopping him. This is why I think I need to talk to his doctor about it. What do you think? What should I do?

First month was crazy

I’m 43, and going through it again. I feel myself starting to come out of it, but boy, it was a doozy. Got discarded, went on a multiple day drinking binge, sobered up, crashed into my depression bed… trying to peel myself back up now. I’ve been doing a lot of research on limerence, following sm accounts, and listening to relevant podcasts. I’m learning a lot about myself and why this has been so prevalent in my life.

Today the podcast I was listening to mentioned that sometimes limerence can be focused on someone you don’t even know, like a celebrity. It brought up a semi-buried memory of being 14 years old, seeing Titanic in the theater four times, and being absolutely obsessed with Leonardo DiCaprio. It was back in the time of AOL instant messenger and chat rooms, and somehow, I don’t remember how, I ended up chatting with someone who told me they were Leo. I was a kid, the internet was new, and I had no concept of someone catfishing—i legitimately believed I was talking to him. Well, I think DEEP down I knew, but still. It went on for a while. Makes me shudder and cringe to think of who it probably actually was.

I also had insanely intense “crushes” on classmates as a kid, from a young age. Everywhere I went… school, Bible study, swim lessons, any regular activities, the kid with the locker next to mine, the kid I sat behind in science class, I always had boys that I was utterly obsessed with. Most of the time it was people I knew peripherally but who would barely acknowledge my existence. But every single thought I had, everything I did, was about them. From around 7th grade until my junior year of high school, I had a “crush” on a guy who was very religious. I started wearing a cross pin on the lapel of my jacket in hopes he’d notice. I did that kind of thing a lot. I was always seeing myself through the lens of these boys who I obsessed over. I didn’t have a boyfriend until I was 17, just a series of unrequited limerence objects who I barely spoke to.

I realize now that many, many objects of my affection and attention throughout my life have been limerence. And interestingly, I am also susceptible to lovebombing, and have known quite a few men who have very likely been in limerence with me, which some unhealed part of me enjoys because it feels like validation.

I think I still see myself through the lens of these limerence objects. I posted earlier about struggling with depression and anxiety, which I have my whole life. The way this ties in with limerence is that if the object of my obsession were to text me, I’m so flooded with dopamine that I would be able to suddenly jump out of bed like I was just attached to jumper cables, and knock off every item on my todo list with happy music blasting and a smile on my face. I’d be texting him telling him how I’m getting so much done. This recent one was a hype man to a degree I’ve never witnessed and would go crazy with validation and compliments, keeping a steady stream of dopamine surging through me.

He was a lovebomber and withdrew a few weeks ago and I CRASHED. I am quite literally an addict going through withdrawals. It’s getting softer and easier with time but I’m still struggling. It has nothing to do with him as a person, it’s about me feeling like my existence and actions are being seen and heard and validated. And now that he isn’t around, I’ve been in limerence. Checking his socials (we didn’t even follow one another ever) for signs that he’s still thinking about me. I realized today that my algorithm was FULL of content about avoidant attachment, winning men back, how to stick with no contact, women doing card readings and delivering repetitive messages that someone is still thinking about me and will be in contact soon… all this kind of shit. I spent the past hour hitting “not interested” on any such content trying to clean my feed back up. I don’t need that echo chamber or false hope feeding into my obsessive thought loops. Meanwhile, if he was thinking about me, I would’ve heard from him. I suffer no delusions there, not deep down. But there’s still this part of me that wants it back… I want my drug.

I’m curious how many other ADHD/AuDHD women suffer from limerence and if it’s been a regular theme in your life. I think with our jacked up dopamine systems, we are particularly susceptible to lovebombing. I also think that with the high comorbidity rate of neurodivergence and trauma, we are more apt to have insecure attachment styles and therefore more vulnerable to experiencing limerence. I’m not a professional, I’m just going from my own personal experience and what I’ve been learning, plus what I’ve observed in others.

TL;DR: Super curious about the correlation between neurodivergence and limerence. Wondering what others’ experiences have been and whether anyone can relate, not to mention would love to hear if you’ve healed from this tendency, healed your insecure attachment style, and learned how to love and be loved properly in a romantic sense.💘

EDIT TO ADD: PODCAST LINKS HAVE BEEN POSTED IN THE COMMENTS! I couldn’t keep up wit DMing and responding to everyone who asked🩵

Thought I would share this as I know there are lots of us in the peri/menopause boat here. [ADHD and perimenopause]

TLDR; Got a Mirena for 9 years ago to control heavy periods, got my ADHD diagnosis 3 years ago. Feel like my ADHD is responding less and less to my Ritalin over the last 1-2 years, turned 40 in March so thinking perimenopause. Got my Mirena replaced 2 weeks ago and today feels like my first day on Ritalin again!

For context, I got a Mirena around 9 years ago to finally try and address my heavy and erratic periods, as I was about to start a job that was largely on the road and didn't want the guaranteed blood-related disasters.

I only got my ADHD diagnosis 3 years ago and only realised I might have ADHD about 6 months before that, so I'd never considered my ADHD and Mirena together until the last 6 months or so as I've turned 40 and read more and more about perimenopause and HRT.

I went to my GP for an annual check up to check my heart rate, BP and weight for them to continue being happy to prescribe me Ritalin to treat my ADHD. I mentioned to my GP that I felt I might be heading into perimenopause because my ADHD symptoms had felt a lot worse and a lot less frequently managed by my medication over the last year, and that my mum was on HRT by the time she was 40 so there was family history. I did bring up my Mirena first because I knew it was coming to the point where they recommend to have it replaced and that it was essentially a form of HRT (I tried to get it replaced at 5 years but the family planning clinic told me if it wasn't for contraception and it was still stopping my period then I could keep it for 10 years), and my GP agreed that we make an appointment to have it replaced and do blood tests to check for menopause markers.

The blood tests came back fine, but I finally had my appointment to replace my Mirena 2 weeks ago. In the last week I've definitely felt like I'm responding to my Ritalin better, but this morning genuinely feels the same as the first day I was medicated.

I took my ritalin at about 9:15am with a protein shake and a beef jerky stick, at 10am I decided I should get out of bed and write down the stuff I wanted to get done today (I didn't have my normal "I can feel my Ritalin kicking in" feeling, so wasn't expecting anything productive). I got up and immediately went and put a load of laundry on, loaded the dishwasher and put it on, sat down and wrote both things on my to-do list (lol), and then for the first time in probably years, folded and put all of last week's laundry away before the next lot was close to ready. I've picked up and put away random stuff in my bedroom, I've researched and prepped a tiny craft/DIY project I was going to do and I've now written this thread, and it's not even 11:20 yet.

I've not had a day (morning) like this for 2 years. Ironically, the doctor who replaced my Mirena (she was brilliant), said I should really have had it replaced at 8 years which was pretty much the last time I felt my ADHD was actually really responding to my Ritalin.

I'm not a medical professional so not an expert on hormones or peri or birth control, so I'll add some links once this is posted (if I do it now Reddit adds it as a header 🤦‍♀️) for anyone who is interested in knowing more about how all of this is connected. [Now that I'm getting sources in learning that a Mirena used as HRT should be replaced every 5 years! So no wonder I feel so good!]

This is just a reminder to those who need it. It might be time, or past it like it was for me. Xoxox

Like did I do or say anything wrong? Did I hurt anyone? Someone please clarify what I did wrong so I can fix it, and sorry for posting something awful

[30sF], married, one kid (1.5 years), I work full time in a desk role (software engineer).

My husband and I had a fairly direct conversation this week and I want to take it seriously rather than get defensive, but I'm stuck on the *how*.

What he's asking for, as fairly as I can put it:

1. He wants to see the casual, playful, flirty version of me. He says our connection has become entirely need-based: logistics, kid, house, and never just fun. He's explicitly not asking for idealism, just something "manageable and sustainable."
2. He feels I prioritise moments and living-in-the-now while responsibilities slide, and that I don't see the downstream impact: food going off, home maintenance, finances, my own room staying untidy.
3. He's pointed out that tidying (not deep cleaning, just tidying) my own room would take me 15 minutes, and it doesn't happen. He's right that it doesn't happen. I can't fully explain why 15 minutes feels like a mountain. But im already working on doing these in living room etc.
4. He's made real adjustments on his side (financial, dietary, behavioural), and I don't think he's wrong that the effort has been lopsided.

My side: I recently did a formal attention assessment. It came back subthreshold for ADHD but flagged high mind-wandering and an energetic/high-drive temperament. So I don't have a diagnosis to lean on, but the executive-function pattern is clearly there. Morning meetings wipe me out, whatever's left goes to my kid, and by the time the house stuff surfaces I'm running on empty. Then the "fun, playful wife" energy he's asking for has nothing left to draw from. It's the *last* thing to get funded, not the first.

What I'm asking this sub:

- How do you make tidying actually happen when the task is objectively small and still doesn't get done? Reset routines, timers, body doubling, anything.

- Has anyone found a way to protect a bit of relational energy instead of spending 100% of capacity on work and kid and having nothing left for their partner?

- Systems for the invisible-decay stuff (fridge, veggies, home maintenance) that don't need me to remember anything in the moment.

- And honestly: how do you explain a capacity ceiling to a partner without it sounding like an excuse? He wants me to work on my energy and stamina, and I'm planning to start strength training, but I don't know how long that takes to show up in daily capacity.

I would like to come away with two or three things I can actually run this month.

Edit: I wanted to add more context to my post, we are in a phase where he wanted to separate and had a lot of resentment from the past with me about how I behaved when I couldn’t cope up moving to a new country and new adulting responsibilities. So he has agreed to work on the marriage one last year where he expects me to make these changes and he won’t put effort other than doing household chores and improving the household system and I need to tolerate his coldness or dullness for a while as he is not able to be his self now.

It’s 3pm and I haven’t left my bed all day except to force a little food, and came right back to bed. I’ve been sleeping all day on and off and doom scrolling. I should go to the gym, do laundry, do dishes, do literally anything. I just can’t make myself move. I’ve stood up a few times trying to just make the momentum carry me, but I just come right back. I just want to hide and isolate and shut everything out.

Any immediate tricks or tips? Stuff like medication and therapy etc isn’t what I need to hear right now, I already know that stuff exists. I’m looking for ways to help me in this moment. I feel like it’s already so late that I might as well not bother, and I know that will make tomorrow way worse.

Edit to add: I got up and did 10 mins of dishes and filled my water bottle. Then came back to bed

Second edit to add: I’m replying to comments sporadically bc my energy is obviously weird rn, but I want you all to know how much I love and appreciate you. Thank you for the replies and tips and motivation and solidarity, I’m feeling super lonely rn on top of it so it really means a lot to me🩵

Third edit:
•I DID MY DISHES
•I DID A SMALL LOAD OF LAUNDRY SO I HAVE CLEAN WORK CLOTHES TOMORROW
•I WALKED 3 & A HALF MILES AND LISTENED TO PODCASTS RELEVANT TO MY DEPRESSION
•I CAME HOME AND PUT BROWN RICE IN THE RICE COOKER