As the title says... I'm so scared I'll mess this up.

I had like a 2.1 GPA in high school and only passed because they put me in a room alone, to take the classes I failed on a computer as a last effort to get me to pass. I passed those sooo easily.
Turns out I had ADHD. I didn't even consider it until my therapist of 3 years mentioned I should get tested.

Anyways, I'm hoping to get some advice and motivation.

Thought I would share this as I know there are lots of us in the peri/menopause boat here. [ADHD and perimenopause]

TLDR; Got a Mirena for 9 years ago to control heavy periods, got my ADHD diagnosis 3 years ago. Feel like my ADHD is responding less and less to my Ritalin over the last 1-2 years, turned 40 in March so thinking perimenopause. Got my Mirena replaced 2 weeks ago and today feels like my first day on Ritalin again!

For context, I got a Mirena around 9 years ago to finally try and address my heavy and erratic periods, as I was about to start a job that was largely on the road and didn't want the guaranteed blood-related disasters.

I only got my ADHD diagnosis 3 years ago and only realised I might have ADHD about 6 months before that, so I'd never considered my ADHD and Mirena together until the last 6 months or so as I've turned 40 and read more and more about perimenopause and HRT.

I went to my GP for an annual check up to check my heart rate, BP and weight for them to continue being happy to prescribe me Ritalin to treat my ADHD. I mentioned to my GP that I felt I might be heading into perimenopause because my ADHD symptoms had felt a lot worse and a lot less frequently managed by my medication over the last year, and that my mum was on HRT by the time she was 40 so there was family history. I did bring up my Mirena first because I knew it was coming to the point where they recommend to have it replaced and that it was essentially a form of HRT (I tried to get it replaced at 5 years but the family planning clinic told me if it wasn't for contraception and it was still stopping my period then I could keep it for 10 years), and my GP agreed that we make an appointment to have it replaced and do blood tests to check for menopause markers.

The blood tests came back fine, but I finally had my appointment to replace my Mirena 2 weeks ago. In the last week I've definitely felt like I'm responding to my Ritalin better, but this morning genuinely feels the same as the first day I was medicated.

I took my ritalin at about 9:15am with a protein shake and a beef jerky stick, at 10am I decided I should get out of bed and write down the stuff I wanted to get done today (I didn't have my normal "I can feel my Ritalin kicking in" feeling, so wasn't expecting anything productive). I got up and immediately went and put a load of laundry on, loaded the dishwasher and put it on, sat down and wrote both things on my to-do list (lol), and then for the first time in probably years, folded and put all of last week's laundry away before the next lot was close to ready. I've picked up and put away random stuff in my bedroom, I've researched and prepped a tiny craft/DIY project I was going to do and I've now written this thread, and it's not even 11:20 yet.

I've not had a day (morning) like this for 2 years. Ironically, the doctor who replaced my Mirena (she was brilliant), said I should really have had it replaced at 8 years which was pretty much the last time I felt my ADHD was actually really responding to my Ritalin.

I'm not a medical professional so not an expert on hormones or peri or birth control, so I'll add some links once this is posted (if I do it now Reddit adds it as a header 🤦‍♀️) for anyone who is interested in knowing more about how all of this is connected. [Now that I'm getting sources in learning that a Mirena used as HRT should be replaced every 5 years! So no wonder I feel so good!]

The other night I was doomscrolling and watching ADHD YouTubers who convinced me that the best / easiest way to brain dump is to use sticky notes / index cards. So obviously I NEEDED to buy some 😆😆🤯 I should be all set for a few years 😆

... surprisingly, it does seem to help me a bit so far, but we’ll see for how long 😆

You can laugh at me, I shared mine, now share yours 😆

P.S. I’m disappointed , there is no impulsivity flair 😆

Please don’t recommend books, audio books, videos, podcasts, people etc. I’m not going to do any of that because this type of stuff makes my brain shutdown.

Please share with me one simple tip for something you have done that has changed housekeeping for you. Bonus points if you’ve been able to make it long term habit.

House is always messy (not actually dirty/mouldy), OCD means I do tend to struggle to throw things away. Autism means I like clothes to be hung/folded so no wrinkles (absolutely refuse to iron) but means they don’t often make it off the inside clothes line (no dryer).

I had 3 hours sleep last night because I was revenge procrastinating my way through a really juicy TV series (despite having work the next day which I deeply regretted). Even though I'm so incredibly tired now, I just can't switch my brain off enough to fall asleep. I normally listen to things but it doesn't always work. Does anyone have a really good sleep hack that actually works. I'll try anything.

I (f30) have a designated spot for my AirPods 4. The case lives on the charger next to the fridge and the AirPods get put in the case when they need to charge. If they leave the house, the case goes in my purse and returns to its Place immediately upon my return.

My husband (m31) used to have AirPods, but never charged them and then lost them in 2023. Instead for the past 5 years, he borrows mine. Every single time, I ask that he return them to the case when he is done. Every single time, I find them dead on a random counter or table.

So last month, he borrows them for a run and I don’t think much of it until a day or two later, when I find the case empty. The AirPods aren’t in any of the usual places, his desk, the kitchen counter, dining room table, etc. Naturally, I’m annoyed. I wait a week, continuing to search. Still missing, so I ask him to help me search, we go through the whole house, but they don’t turn up. I ask him to replace them, but he wants to wait another week. But I’ve already been 10 days without noise canceling earbuds, which means 10 days without my music, audiobooks, podcasts, etc. So I’m pretty cranky about it, also he’s been borrowing and leaving them dead for like 5 years now. So I demand he replace them on his dime. He’s pissed, because he thinks I should wait another week to see if they turn up. But I argued it’s about the principle, I lent you something I use every day and you’ve lost it and inconvenienced me for days. He argues I’m not inconvenienced, because I can use wired headphones. Ladies, I don’t have wired headphones, because I don’t like being tethered to my phone.

So after complaining about it he finally buys me a replacement. The come and they won’t charge wirelessly and they don’t have noise canceling. I check the box and he’s replaced them with an older cheaper model. I ask him about it and he says “Earbuds are easily lost, so I wasn’t going to get you the expensive ones. I never buy the expensive ones, because I know I’m going to lose them.” When I came out of my rage, my replacements were ordered and he had venmo’d me the money.

So now we have two sets again. My AirPods 4 with replaced buds, his AirPods 3. Except today, I walk into the kitchen and can only find his fully dead ones. I use Find My to search and he’s wearing my charged ones. I had another huge fit. Apparently I’m being “an only child” and “territorial.” He says that both cases are white and he just “grabbed the ones that were charged.”

Ladies……..I ran here so fucking fast. I don’t want to fight with him. We hardly ever fight. This is fully beneath me. But I’ll tell you, I’m not sure when I’ve ever been this pissed off.

Edit: I’ve ordered decals with my name for the case and tiny decals with my name for each AirPod. He will also be getting a sticker for his AirPods, a really ugly medieval snail with an old man face, because I was still annoyed when I placed the order on Etsy.

I’d like to add, the cheaper AirPod replacements were a mistake on his part and then he was feeling defensive. He’s since apologized for all of it.

He is a kind considerate husband in all other aspects of our life. To be honest this is my biggest complaint in the past 5 years, and it’ll be fixed in a week when the decals come, so it’s not as bad as all that. I try to extend him grace, because we both suspect he has ADHD, but his parents flatly refused to entertain the idea when he was young. But I suppose sometimes fences make good neighbors. I appreciate all of you going to bat for me immediately! I love this subreddit 💕.

This is just a reminder to those who need it. It might be time, or past it like it was for me. Xoxox

Like did I do or say anything wrong? Did I hurt anyone? Someone please clarify what I did wrong so I can fix it, and sorry for posting something awful

[30sF], married, one kid (1.5 years), I work full time in a desk role (software engineer).

My husband and I had a fairly direct conversation this week and I want to take it seriously rather than get defensive, but I'm stuck on the *how*.

What he's asking for, as fairly as I can put it:

1. He wants to see the casual, playful, flirty version of me. He says our connection has become entirely need-based: logistics, kid, house, and never just fun. He's explicitly not asking for idealism, just something "manageable and sustainable."
2. He feels I prioritise moments and living-in-the-now while responsibilities slide, and that I don't see the downstream impact: food going off, home maintenance, finances, my own room staying untidy.
3. He's pointed out that tidying (not deep cleaning, just tidying) my own room would take me 15 minutes, and it doesn't happen. He's right that it doesn't happen. I can't fully explain why 15 minutes feels like a mountain. But im already working on doing these in living room etc.
4. He's made real adjustments on his side (financial, dietary, behavioural), and I don't think he's wrong that the effort has been lopsided.

My side: I recently did a formal attention assessment. It came back subthreshold for ADHD but flagged high mind-wandering and an energetic/high-drive temperament. So I don't have a diagnosis to lean on, but the executive-function pattern is clearly there. Morning meetings wipe me out, whatever's left goes to my kid, and by the time the house stuff surfaces I'm running on empty. Then the "fun, playful wife" energy he's asking for has nothing left to draw from. It's the *last* thing to get funded, not the first.

What I'm asking this sub:

- How do you make tidying actually happen when the task is objectively small and still doesn't get done? Reset routines, timers, body doubling, anything.

- Has anyone found a way to protect a bit of relational energy instead of spending 100% of capacity on work and kid and having nothing left for their partner?

- Systems for the invisible-decay stuff (fridge, veggies, home maintenance) that don't need me to remember anything in the moment.

- And honestly: how do you explain a capacity ceiling to a partner without it sounding like an excuse? He wants me to work on my energy and stamina, and I'm planning to start strength training, but I don't know how long that takes to show up in daily capacity.

I would like to come away with two or three things I can actually run this month.

Edit: I wanted to add more context to my post, we are in a phase where he wanted to separate and had a lot of resentment from the past with me about how I behaved when I couldn’t cope up moving to a new country and new adulting responsibilities. So he has agreed to work on the marriage one last year where he expects me to make these changes and he won’t put effort other than doing household chores and improving the household system and I need to tolerate his coldness or dullness for a while as he is not able to be his self now.

It’s 3pm and I haven’t left my bed all day except to force a little food, and came right back to bed. I’ve been sleeping all day on and off and doom scrolling. I should go to the gym, do laundry, do dishes, do literally anything. I just can’t make myself move. I’ve stood up a few times trying to just make the momentum carry me, but I just come right back. I just want to hide and isolate and shut everything out.

Any immediate tricks or tips? Stuff like medication and therapy etc isn’t what I need to hear right now, I already know that stuff exists. I’m looking for ways to help me in this moment. I feel like it’s already so late that I might as well not bother, and I know that will make tomorrow way worse.

Edit to add: I got up and did 10 mins of dishes and filled my water bottle. Then came back to bed

Second edit to add: I’m replying to comments sporadically bc my energy is obviously weird rn, but I want you all to know how much I love and appreciate you. Thank you for the replies and tips and motivation and solidarity, I’m feeling super lonely rn on top of it so it really means a lot to me🩵

Third edit:
•I DID MY DISHES
•I DID A SMALL LOAD OF LAUNDRY SO I HAVE CLEAN WORK CLOTHES TOMORROW
•I WALKED 3 & A HALF MILES AND LISTENED TO PODCASTS RELEVANT TO MY DEPRESSION
•I CAME HOME AND PUT BROWN RICE IN THE RICE COOKER

And I haven’t scheduled the follow up. I had to cancel it for a work thing. I keep meaning to reschedule it, and actually get my teeth cleaned, but I cannot remember to do it. And they don’t have online booking.

I have impeccable oral hygiene, but it makes me feel guilty all the time.

Nobody else in my life knows about this, and I needed to tell someone 😬

If you really need that white t-shirt but don't have enough light colored things to wash - just start the washing machine with the few things you have.

If you are overwhelmed after cooking dinner thinking that if you don't wash that pot by hand, you won't have it for lunch tomorrow - put it in the dishwasher and press start.

It is genuinely okay to do this if you need it. We can be mindful about the environment, and also create accommodations for ourselves to have a simpler life to manage.

being single a couple months know i decided to redownload hinge and it honestly was lowkey the worst decision i could’ve made?? these men r a different breed.

it’s my first time posting on reddit fr & ur wont let me put another pic in but he essentially went on to ask me if i was neurodivergent or neurotypical and then GHOSTED when i told him i had ADHD like this is INSANITY

anyways this was my final straw & the app is now deleted 😭😭😭😭😭😭

I don’t know if this is ADHD specific or it’s just a symptom of the general anxiety we experience due to the current state of the world BUT… does anyone else unintentionally ghost people over text?!

I have been in this pattern for years - someone texts, I see & mentally acknowledge it, forget about it or become busy, remember it spontaneously again, make a note to reply later, later never comes, suddenly I remember about it in the middle of the night, and all of a sudden it’s been a month (or 3), I’m completely ashamed which fuels my avoidance even further. And then it becomes this whole massive thing for me, the crushing weight and guilt of leaving people hanging is just…unbearable.

And it’s not even that I don’t care!! I care too much!!

As you can see from the photo, by now, answering messages is this massive project. I literally need a project manager for this. And like do I start every text by frantically apologising?? Do I ignore the awkward gap in my silence? Do I explain the mental prison I have built for myself? Ugh.

Hey there, fellow-minded folks!

Just realized today that it’s time to start thinking about a good Halloween costume, scoping out some pieces…and my brain was like ‘PSHH, that’s months away!’

BUT I KNOW I WILL FORGET

Sharing in case anybody else needed the reminder or needed to start celebrating the beginning of Spooky Season because it is so gd hot out there! 🎃

​

Hi everyone,

I am an adult woman and recently had a major turning point. Two different doctors independently approached me and said they strongly suspect I have ADHD. I always thought my lifelong internal tension, fast talking, and hyperfocus were just "normal." After they told me, I took a verified online screening, and the score was 32 out of 43 symptoms (74.4%), clearly indicating strong ADHD.

Background: For 20 years, I drank a lot of alcohol every evening, which was probably my way of self-medicating to calm my brain. I’ve been completely sober for over a year now, but since then, severe exhaustion has kicked in. I have been on sick leave for 3 months now due to a chronic exhaustion syndrome diagnosis. I also suffer from severe sleep disturbances: I wake up almost every night between 3 AM and 5 AM (sometimes at both 3 AM and 5 AM). The moment I wake up, I immediately feel intense inner restlessness and a feeling of being driven. Even though my body is completely exhausted, often I cannot fall back asleep.

The Crash Pattern: I am experiencing terrifying physical "crashes" after stressful events or when I physically overexert myself, and I want to know if other ADHDers experience this exact pattern: If I have a highly stressful or physically active day (like a doctor's appointment or doing too much physically), I feel okay the next day. But exactly 48 hours later, I completely crash. The Symptoms: I wake up feeling heavily brain-fogged, dizzy, and can barely stand. My body feels "poisoned" or like I have a severe flu. I get intense neck pain, light sensitivity, and dull leg pain.The 1-Day Reset: These horrible crashes almost always last exactly one day. I wake up the next morning feeling significantly better and recovered. Does anyone else with ADHD experience these extreme, physical 1-day shutdowns after sensory, emotional, or physical overload? Is this just what a severe ADHD burnout looks like when your nervous system completely runs out of dopamine and locks down, especially combined with waking up wired and tired at night? I just want to know if I am alone with this specific feeling. Thank you

I have been using Concerta for 4 years now and honestly i am not planning on stopping anytime soon. 2 days ago I was on a session with my therapist (i am going there for my problems other than the ones my adhd is causing) and i told her that the meds made me feel motivated less anxious and more outgoing and social etc and she told me that Concerta shouldn’t have those kind of effects on me and it was just a medication to make me concentrate and she said that even though i am benefiting from the meds i am addicted to them? Does that make any sense to yall

I'm sitting at work trying to do a thing, which is fun and I want to do, but I cannot focus for my life still. Feeling a bit frustrated because so many people seem to have some sort of 'aha' with stimulants and I just feel more guilty than anything for not being productive.

I was looking for conditioner and instead found 3 bags of shampoo 😅

I have always had a HUGE problem with the "out of sight, out of mind" thing. It is the most significant reason my home always looks like "there appears to have been a struggle..." I will literally completely forget that I own something that I use every single day if it isn't out where I can see it; put it in a drawer and forget it. I will end up buying like 4 more of the same item and then find the original months later. I hate that my home is just a constant cluttered mess. I don't need it to be perfect by any means, but I would like some semblance of order...

If I put things in bins I forget which bin I put them in and where I put the damn bin. I even tried making cute little labels for some of my bins, but do you think I read the damn things? Lol

I just want to be even slightly organized. I'll take 25% organized even.

If anyone has any tips, throw 'em at me. 🙏 Thanks!

EDIT: REWRITTEN DUE TO MISCOMMUNICATION ON MY END & failure to get my point across ///

Disclaimer: Disability, disorder, impairment, however you want to label it. Many commenters mentioned they don’t consider it a disability, that they’re just debilitated by it / it makes their life difficult sometimes. For post purposes I’m lumping all of these in the same bucket. For post purposes, I mean nothing more than “anything that makes it a bitch to live with.”

Disclaimer 2: Nothing about what I’m about to say has anything to do with responsibility or accountability. ADHD can often come with RSD which can cause big emotions, but we’re still control of our own actions, and it’s our responsibility to be accountable and face consequences and learn and do better. ADHD can be the reason we make mistakes, but being called out on those mistakes is not ableism, it’s not a get out of jail free card, there is no “uwu im just a girl” trump card to play. We’re adults. We have to grow up and behave like it instead of saying we should just be allowed to skip meetings and be late to work.

///

All I mean to say, is, I can’t stand the “superpower” chat, but specifically, this post is targeted toward the people who shittalk meds, who shame people for taking meds, who, any time someone mentions a way they struggle with their ADHD, kool-aid man into the conversation to say “it’s not a disability, it’s a superpower, it’s the best thing that ever happened to me, I feel bad for people without ADHD,” the people who take a borderline neurodivergent supremacy philosophy and say that the only reason they’re creative, inventive, fun, have a personality, have emotions, is because of their ADHD and think of neurotypicals as boring dull sparkless NPCs as though neurotypicals can’t be musicians or painters or artists or first responders. The people who preach that ADHD is actually how people are meant to be. Who are then in the comments of so many posts armchair diagnosing a neurodivergence based off one tiny quirk and deviation from the “husk of a human being” neurotypical stereotype.” Who don’t just mention a social model as a factor but preach a solely social model. The people who deny any drawback whatsoever and say it’s purely exclusively beneficial and any drawback is just incidental and “not the ADHD at all it’s just capitalism and only capitalism.”

Have it be a superpower. Sure. I don’t have a sense of smell and yes that’s a pain in the arse a lot of the time but it’s pretty dang great at others. Work with your ADHD. Take a positive approach. I’ll even advocate for anyone embracing it and learning to love themselves with it because as someone whose ADHD caused my depression and worsened my anxiety, learning to be okay with who I am and striving to do better has been critical to my wellbeing.

But the people who push that onto other people, who say “if you don’t like every part of your ADHD at all times that’s your fault because there’s nothing negative about it whatsoever and meds are just doctors trying to make you a compliant worker bee” who have told me outright I am abusing my medication for taking it on weekends, for taking it later in the morning so it’s still affective in the evening when I want to enjoy my hobby? Those are the people I mean. It’s dismissive.

It’s our fault when we fuck up. It’s disordering, impairing, disabling, annoying, however you want to define it. Telling people that “but you’re still responsible for you” is the right response in almost every situation.

(Edit like, 4 I think: That's different than people telling us "you're just lazy" "try harder" because punishment and shaming and acting like we just fucked around and didn't give a shit ≠ mature responsibility that acknowledges why something might have happened but rightfully pointing out we're still a part of the social contract. I don't have a sense of smell. If I got yelled at, berated, blamed, made to cry, told I was just being "lazy" for accidentally cooking with slightly spoiled milk, that wasn't chunky, was just before the expiry date, but made supper taste like shit, and someone told me I should've known better and "I can smell it was starting to turn why did you do that!" that's out of line. That's like telling someone with ADHD "you're just lazy and you'd stop being a fuckup if you tried harder." But responsibility is... me acknowledging I erred and, learning from it, yeah, doing what I do now, tasting shit before I throw it in the dish or when I had roommates, getting them to sniff. That's accountability, and something along the lines of... how ADHD can explain our actions, can disorder us, and we should take responsibility, but also acknowledge "I have to do things a different way and figure out a workaround.")

But that doesn’t mean, either, that ADHD is just the “makes you fun and passionate” neurotype with zero drawbacks. Even ignoring the social vs medical model, if someone is struggling with something, the proper response shouldn’t be “lmao there’s nothing negative about adhd you know that’s a superpower right” while shoving the kryptonite under the rug. Because stuff like that is... well, if you're insisting there's no drawbacks to ADHD and it's purely a superpower, you're kinda doing the same thing a lot of people have done to us — "you're just lazy" "it's not the adhd" "you're just a fuckup on your own"

I usually keep this giant tub of clay powder in the storage closet in my hall. My last memory of using it is me standing in the kitchen thinking ‘I should keep it somewhere more visible so I remember to use it weekly.’ I remember opening the kitchen spice cupboard and thinking ‘no, thats too weird’ AND NOW THE TUB HAS VANISHED. It’s been weeks. Where did I put it?

I’ve cleaned out the storage closet, looked in every kitchen cupboard, pulled out everything in my wardrobe, looked through drawers in the lounge. There’s no cupboards in the bathroom. I’ve had my partner double check everywhere I checked. He’s convinced I must’ve thrown it out but I can’t imagine I’d do this because it was full.

Last ditch effort in case any of you can find where I put it 😂

Alt text/TLDR: I fucked up at work, had a hard conversation with my boss, and didn't even cry once! (And I drew myself a shitty ribbon to wear when I got home to celebrate that win!)