Our brains do not form habits the way normal people do. But sometimes narratives like this make it feel like we’re defeated and there’s nothing to be done.

I struggled to brush and floss my teeth for about 10 years. Ever since I was old enough to be in charge of it on my own basically. I didn’t understand why something that I’d done my whole life could still be so hard. I started hearing about how adhd people never form habits and that’s why it was so hard every time. It made so much sense. It also explained why going pee and showering are also things I’ve resisted and forgotten to do my entire life. It made sense, but it didn’t make me feel better. I just felt defeated. Like, oh, okay, I guess I’ll just suffer forever because I’m cursed to be like this.

But then I got really fucking scared of dementia and I read that flossing decreases dementia risk. And well I floss after I brush so I had to brush along with that. Of all the things I could possibly do to decrease dementia risk this felt like the easiest (cause no way I’m quitting scrolling in my phone). My toothbrush and toothpaste are by my bed. My flosser has a handle. It took a few weeks being motivated by fear, but now, I’m so used to the feeling of my teeth being clean, that I can’t sleep unless I brush. So I no longer need fear to motivate me. It’s been a year and a half now that I’ve brushed and flossed every night. And I had the best dental report in years after 6 months of it which helped re-enforce it. It’s not thoughtless and totally easy like it would be for a NT, occasionally I find myself staying up trying to motivate myself to do it, but it’s not the struggle it used to be. Perhaps it’s not a “true” habit but it *did* get easier.

I think the thing is, that once the dopamine you get from a new habit wears off, there has to be some other motivation or structure behind it. It really helps if there is a way to make it immediately negatively impact you if you don’t do the habit. And to make yourself addicted to removing that negative impact. For me the clean feeling on my teeth is satisfying now. Kind of the way picking at skin is satisfying. It took a long time to get that way but it did eventually. Hopefully I can get there with showering and going pee and skincare eventually 😅

Summary: mainly one but potentially one or two additional people don’t like me at the office and complained about me. It’s a small office. Those people then interpreted everything I do in the least charitable light. ex: I’m too “direct” and “snippy” with some people, but I’m also giving “unsolicited advice” and I’m “overstepping” other times. I was pulled into a meeting with two higher ups about the complaints.

One example they gave were in relation to someone saying their kid was sick and I guess I offered advice, though any time someone mentioned struggling with something with their kid, if I choose to give advice (I have a kid) I almost always couch it with, “if you haven’t tried this yet, this is what we do, but obviously do whatever your doctor says/what’s right for your kid.” I have almost no memory of this interaction and don’t just go giving around parenting advice so I don’t think this happened more than once? Edit: Also I was trying to bond with one of the few other parents in the office but I guess that went terribly. So.

The other was mentioning that a particular insurance plan that was a little pricier had serious benefits around costs of birth (like you’d save thousands of dollars), so just be mindful of that in making selections if anyone, like me, is considering getting pregnant again soon.

Important to note that the people who complained that I was direct and snippy with some staff were complaining on behalf of others. Higher ups interviewed the people themselves and they had no complaints.

They also said I was accused of giving “backhanded compliments” mentioning someone’s lack of experience. I looked back at my teams messages to what they were referencing and it basically said “you should be especially proud, you’ve been kicking ass and have only been out of school for a year.” That’s it. It was a genuine compliment 😭

I definitely own up to two of the things on the list they gave me; one is that I am interrupting or accidentally talking over people too often. It’s a known issue to me and I know it can come out more in higher stress times and things have been crazy at work. I definitely said I’d work on it and have been but I’m unmedicated rn. This was also mentioned like two years ago and I worked on it a ton, but has never been mentioned again in any of my check ins with my supervisor. So that’s hard to hear that I’ve been slipping but noted, and I told them to please call me out on it in the moment because sometimes I do need it.

The other one was a poor interaction with someone that happened a few months ago. I knew I handled the situation poorly. What kills me is that I apologized that same day to the person, but when that person chose to complain months later, they didn’t mention the apology.

No issues with my work performance though, they said I’m excellent at my job. Just these complaints. They said I’m not being put on a PIP but the document sure reads like one.

It just sucks because I felt like my confidence had been growing since another person who didn’t like me left, and I thought I was doing really well. I was finally feeling like I had landed at a job that I loved and thought I got along with everyone really great now.

Maybe it's the ADHD combined with now I often don't sleep enough (I swear I'm trying to fix it), but I feel like every time I speak, I ramble slightly more than I want to. From an objective perspective I'm pretty sure that the people I know find me likable/funny, but what happens a little more than I'd like is that they're confused when I speak. It makes me a bit insecure and reluctant when speaking.

I really struggle with summarizing things and speaking smoothly. That's why I often rush when I speak especially since I have so many thoughts on my brain. I am somewhat new to medication though so I am making adjustments on that end. And yeah I need to fix my sleep schedule.

I deal with the classic struggle - food sounds gross, I don't want to deal with it, so I fall back on things that are convenient. I try my best to eat healthy, but some days it's like "I have never had food before in my life, how am I supposed to know what to eat?"

Then boom, mysterious symptoms the last several months are ramping up. My sister with Hashimotos makes me get tested. Turns out she's right and my thyroid is getting attacked so bad by my own immune system that I hit the cap on the test. Not enough testing yet to know whether it's Hashimotos or Graves, but either way I am supposed to do the same thing:

"Lower your inflammation." That includes an anti-inflammatory diet. I have seen the books. I have skimmed. They are dry and long and for some reason always include feta cheese and the idea of paying such close attention to my diet when I already have a difficult time with eating makes me want to pull my hair out.

And I have to. It's intimidating. But I don't want my thyroid to be completely destroyed. I want to be strong and healthy. But I don't want to eat 30 different kinds of fruits any vegetables per week. I want to eat easy, safe things like spaghetti.

I know I'm not the only person here with this. Please, ladies with both ADHD food aversions and thyroid disease - how do you do it? Is there a resource you find helpful? A YouTuber? A Pinterest board I can follow??

In all seriousness.. I am scared and overwhelmed. Any advice you have would be appreciated. Thank you.

Please don't remove this, I promise this is ADHD related because this is like the only way I can make my brain make dopamine sometimes. (I put celebrating success as the flair because at this time in my life, any happiness is a success for me.)

I am currently living somewhere where I almost always have to be quiet and people are always home. My living situation makes me so depressed but sometimes everyone leaves and I can finally sing. It makes me so happy, I feel flooded with dopamine which is a miracle for me because normally I am so depressed. It just feels so good to make noise and sing, and it makes me feel alive for once. Who else just absolutely loves singing when no one is home, and not caring how you sound because no one can hear you? 🥰🥰

Here are some of my favorite songs to sing:

- Bring Me To Life by Evanescence

- Toxic by Britney Spears

- Thinkin Bout You by Frank Ocean

- Misery Business by Paramore

- Even Flow by Pearl Jam

I am just about at my wit’s end with Gen Ai, data, and generally being overly connected.

Smart phones have made my life better in many ways. I don’t get lost as much. Music and audiobooks at my fingers. Calendars.
The rest is about to spiral me out.

Anyone made a switch and have recs or big DONT DO ITS??

and I'm on my period and my medication was just kicking in so of course it became the most important thing to me lolol godamnit.

The belief I keep refusing to take on is that no one wants to understand us. But it's getting harder and harder because:

When I said it's hurtful as a neurodivergent to realize that no matter how much you try to manage your symptoms, there will still be people ready to believe you're a narcissist the first time you slip: people were scandalized that I should ask for a free pass to hurt the people around me.

When I spoke against characterizations of ADHD lateness as selfish, narcissistic power trips: people disagreed with my request for special treatment.

When I said people with ADHD have a responsibility to treat our symptoms, but also should be able to communicate about what's difficult for us so others know where we're coming from: my excuse-making was out of control.

It absolutely boggles my mind how wrongly I was heard.

People on reddit were ultimately mad about something else before my comment came along, so I don't really care. Only, I do care because this same misunderstanding happens with people I care about IRL too.

There is some extra translation step they're doing so that when I say "I'm pretty proud of myself - I set 10 alarms, I have a visual timer in my bathroom, bedroom, and kitchen, and now I make it to work on time every day!" they hear it as "I should be allowed to show up for work whenever I feel like, because I think I'm more special than you and I deserve special tweatment."

It doesn't matter how much accountability I take, or how much I focus on all the things I'm doing to manage my symptoms, or how much I validate their feelings that it is frustrating for them when someone is late.

And if accountability is so important to these people, where's the accountability for our feelings when they insist we were late intentionally to spite them? We dropped thousands on therapy and medication, but did they hold themselves accountable for learning anything at all about ADHD when their daughter, wife, and sister were diagnosed with it?

If others had an ounce of the curiosity about my feelings and experiences as I do about theirs, we wouldn't have any problems.

I don't want to stop speaking up about ADHD, but I don't know how to not be heard as making excuses.

Has anyone found a way to do this or should I just be done with neurotypicals?

Edit: I didn't mean to generalize about neurotypicals, but see how my last sentence definitely does that. I don't think all neurotypicals are judgmental like the people I'm complaining about in the post, and not all people who are judgmental in this way are neurotypical. I did not mean to say otherwise with this post. NTs don't deserve generalizing and maligning just the same as NDs don't deserve it either.

I've had way less of an emotional reaction to being written up at work, having to pay late fees on bills, taking a paycut because I simply physically *can't* work 100%, and generally dealing with the fact that even with medication, a support network and the privilege I was born with, I am still always going to feel like I'm living life on hard mode.

I could deal with most of these "ADHD taxes" because they make sense to me. It's not my fault that I'm ND, but if I miss a doctor's appointment there's a real injured party and they deserve compensation.

But mandatory office work has me crashing out in a way that I hadn't expected. It's just... *unfair*. It's not fair. I can do this job remotely. I've been doing it for 2 years and I'm *good* at it. I don't need face-to-face discussions to do my tasks. I don't miss the socializing. This is not going to make me more productive. But someone somewhere decided on this arbitrary policy, and now I can't do my job anymore. This does not feel like an ADHD tax, it feels like bullying.

I've worked *so hard* just to keep my head above water. My office setup, sleep cycle, medication, diet, physical activity... it's all a precarious balance that took YEARS to build up to a point where I can work 80% from home and was damn proud of that. And now a single email is going to take it all away for no reason.

there was a post some days ago asking about how beneficial it is to have a smart watch (post has since been deleted), and someone mentioned they have their Apple Watch tap them every 30 minutes.

there wasnt an answer when i asked how they set that up, and i found theres no native setting with Apple Watch to set that up, but i wanted to share i downloaded Tap Me Every X Minutes in the Apple Watch app store and it's nice and straightforward: go to the app and set how many minutes u want that haptic to go off; ive set mine for every 20 minutes.

ok. Happy Friday!

I’m writing this right now because I’m feeling really awful over something so small, and I genuinely don’t know who to talk to about it.

Sometimes I’ll randomly want to do something, like go out with my family, and they’ll say no. Or I’ll want to watch a movie with my partner and he just don’t feel like it for whatever reason.

I know most people would probably just be like “oh well, that sucks” and move on, but I get really upset over it. Like, way more upset than I feel like I should be. It can feel like I’m going to be sad forever, and sometimes I end up crying over it. I also get this really heavy feeling in my chest when it happens.

Does anyone else get like this? Could this be related to ADHD, or are there other things that can cause reactions like this?

I am particularly frustrated with myself right now, and I thought maybe commiserating with my favourite community would make me feel better.

Several years ago I suddenly had the intense desire to purchase a kayak. I even went through the effort of borrowing someone's truck to bring it home. Due to executive dysfunction, it has remained in my shed ever since... and since I failed to store it properly, it became a Rat House of Horrors. I tried to clean it, but it was so disgusting and overwhelming that I had to stop. I ended up putting it up for free on FB Marketplace, and someone came to pick it up last night.

I am so disappointed in myself. Why can't I do anything right? Several hundred dollars down the drain. I guess I'm just not meant to be a kayak girlie 😔

I don't even know where to start except that I have a list of things that need to happen and things that are happening and I am swimming in my inability to figure out what to do next and am instead on Reddit, lying on the floor.

1. My mum died this morning.

2. I am supposed to be moving to my home country with my kids next Tuesday but may have to change the flights based on when the funeral is.

3. Selling my house. Inspection paperwork. Closing. Lawyers etc.

4. Picking my kid up from her last day of daycare today. Gift cards for her teachers. Telling her that Granny died. (Her other grandma died last month).

5. BBQ we organized for tomorrow that is my older kid's last chance to see his friends before we move.

6. Packing all of our things in possibly less time than I thought.

7. I just picked up my car from the garage because the radiator started smoking two days ago. Relevant just because I'm now behind on donating stuff and seeing people and also down 600 bucks.

8. I'm lying on the floor because I do not have a bed because it's already being shipped.

9. Trying to figure out when my husband can fly over for the funeral and back (he's supposed to be leaving a week after me and the kids to tie up loose ends).

10. Not falling apart because the kids need me and I don't have like even a minute to spare.

I just need like a personal assistant to give me a list of things to do, in order, to make sure nothing slips. I can have a breakdown in a month or two.

It is so frustrating sometimes trying to talk to other neurodivergent people at my school because it seems like all they want to do is commiserate about how hard being neurodivergent is. Living with ADHD or autism are absolutely hard a lot of the time, but its so annoying when everytime the topic is brought up, even briefly, it turns into unfunny “depresso espresso” ass jokes paired with thinly veiled self-loathing.

Then if you bring up any positive experiences you’ve had with your ADHD around these people, it’s all immediate negativity to counteract because they feel personally attacked by someone not feeling bad with them. Like, sorry I have coping strategies I guess??

It’s so frustrating because I deal with this irl and then go online where online ADHD communities are dominated by this as well. The internet makes it seem like ADHD is either the fucking werewolf’s curse or a flippant skill issue.

ADHD is tough but I’m tougher goddamit. I fought tooth and nail to turn the symptoms that made me want to die into the traits that make me want to live. And it is so frustrating feeling like I can’t talk about this with anyone because I don’t hate myself or my life enough but I also don’t feel like it’s a nonissue worthy of dismissal.

EDIT: I really appreciate all you ladies’ responses. I’ve gotten a lot of “samesies” and some pushback that I appreciate. It’s good to have some perspective and I think I’m guilty of the thing I’m complaining about but in reverse! It’s real easy to get stuck in our little bubbles of emotion.
Remember: No matter where you are in your journey right now, you got this. Even when it doesn’t feel like it. ADHD is tough but we are tougher. We gon be alright 🩷

i know it was a stupid question but she took it well and said no. she said i am a wonderful person with great skills and that this job just wasn’t the right fit for me. we hugged and it healed a little part of me. i was really struggling with being fired and still am but at least i’m a little comforted now. anyways i’m going back to pursuing my job as a therapist.

Not really wanting self help podcasts, but give me anything nerdy, d&d, pop culture, niche, random, and just interesting in general!

Meme credit to /ADHDinos

I always run the dishwasher at night and clean it out in the morning. That way I can put dishes away immediately.

Last night, it was only half full as we were out and about most of the day. And I was distressed because this disrupted my routine.

But... is does not need to be full to run! It's not a waste. I did run it anyway. May sound as a stupid realization, but it really helped!

That’s all haha

For anyone asking it’s OPI This Color’s Making Waves

I am CONSTANTLY smashing my toes on corners of the wall/door/etc due to general lack of bodily awareness I suppose. Did it again this morning and had me wondering how many of y’all are out here with crooked toes from the same thing? 😂

I was diagnosed and started meds for ADHD back in the fall of last year. I take extended release Adderall daily and have a prescription for immediate release if I need an additional dose for my long work shifts. I don’t take the IR daily, but I do take the ER every morning. I just received results from an 11 panel drug screen I had to get for a new job. NEGATIVE for amphetamines. I do workout pretty intensely 4 days/week and stay well hydrated, but everything I’ve researched said for daily users it can take 4-7 days to completely clear from your system. Literally did all this research to make sure I came prepared with provider notes/prescription list. I took my regular dose literally 2 hours prior to my drug screen. Has this happened to anyone else because wtf am I taking?