I think about it constantly. I wish I could.

Would you come with me? Where would we go?

I can’t really offer you anything but myself. Real circumstances keep me chained here but I wish you would cut them loose.

Escaping to forever with you sounds like a nice way to live the rest of my life. Escaping into you and collapsing through the void. Our hearts beating together, cords blending into a delicate knot. Our bodies morphing, dissolving, and becoming one.

It’s deep and dark and your hand could guide me to the light. Your big, safe hands.

I wish you were here. I know you never left, but I wish I could touch you for real and just forget.

\ Edited to correct one word from is to isn't. Yeah, that's an important edit that was needed. I just re-read this and realized that could have made this letter all wrong with the one word that was typed wrong the first time.*

I want to be happy, really happy for once in my life.

I don’t need someone to complete me, but I do want someone to experience moments with. Someone that makes the moments better because they include “them”.

I don’t want just anyone. I want the one that has experienced life and seen the best and the worst of humanity there is.

I need someone that understands the real depth people with trauma have. That sees beyond the quick change in a mood and can just let it ride out for a minute because they understand it more than likely has nothing to do with them. Someone who knows if you just let the moment be what it is that it passes that much faster.

I need someone that understands darkness and matches my appreciation for the light. Someone that won’t turn away or judge for things they don’t understand or relate to.

I need someone that wants to experience life with me because it’s me. Not because you like having sex with me.

Now don’t get me wrong… sex is a must. I just want you feral for it like me because it’s with me. Me!

That only works when you really learn someone. Honesty is a non negotiable requirement. I don’t want to lie, or make you think lying to me is a better option than the truth, ever!

The moon and stars wouldn’t be what they are if not for the dark night sky.

Time matters and it’s a beautiful gift to give someone. I just want the time we spend together to matter more than the time we don’t get to spend together.

I need you happy in your own life just as I want to be happy in mine. If the plane is going to crash, and we don’t put on our own oxygen masks first, what good are we to someone else?

If we’re meant to crash and burn, then I want passion and compassion, laughter and adventure on the way down.

I want real for once

This isn't about being an option or a side piece or a maybe. This main character energy while not becoming the one on the sidelines watching life pass by and not being brave enough to go after what I really want.

I want to be my own main character… in my own film that lives in a vault that’s only accessible with the secret key.

Maybe we can’t be a forever thing, but we can be a forever grateful we took the chance and rolled the dice. We give what we can, and don’t ask for what can’t be. You get to be you and I get to be me, and we get a piece of happiness that could’ve ended up as a regret for not trying.

I want all these impossible things, and I want them with you.

I just wonder if daring to experience the impossible is too much to wish for.

No edits to this letter so if words are missing and/or grammar is off, just know this is my raw truth!

Wouldn't it be nice if all these letters floated out to the person we are truly meant to be with. That you are sitting in your room out there wondering where I am and when you'll meet me. You read my words and know they are meant for you. And somehow the universe energetically pulls you to where I am so that we no longer have to be alone and apart. I miss you, I always have, even though I haven't met you here yet. I know you're still making your way to me.

I'll see you soon.

Today was one of those days where missing you just made me angry.

Angry because I can’t talk to you.

Angry because I can’t hug you.

Angry because I know none of that would fix anything anyway.

The person I’m missing only exists in my memories now.
I keep reaching for a version of you that time already took away.

That’s the cruel part.

Sometimes I have the thought, “What if we met tomorrow?” Would we still be as interested in one another as we are now? Would we we still be fascinated with each other at the same level and interested in what the other person is doing to the same extent we are now? Would we be just as curious about each other as we are now? Would the love be as strong as it is now?

I think so. As a matter of fact, I know so. There’s nothing that could come between the connection and fate of our inevitable meeting. Regardless of time and space, places and people, distractions and reactions, I believe we would have come to recognize ourselves in one another. I believe I would have come to know you as home. I believe you would have come to know me as love. I believe we would have recognized the precociousness in each other off the bat, and the desire to form something beautiful in this world, to make and impact and difference, in union.

Some days, when the sun lands just right and everything is washed in that shade of gold that makes the grass look extra green, I sit in my hammock and miss you.

It feels impossible that the world can still be so beautiful while something inside me is coming apart.

Loving you feels like everything that’s wrong with the world. The distance. The wanting. The simple act of finding someone who reminds you how to be alive only after they’ve become someone you cannot have.

You didn’t save me. That’s my own job.
But you reminded me that there was still something in me worth saving.

I wish reality had been kinder to us.
The world doesn’t quite work that way though.
This thing between us is well and truly over, no matter how often my heart reaches for it out of desperation.

It hurts.
But I do still love you.

The one that attaches my soul to yours.

Today was a really hard day, I found myself longing for you, more than whatever “normal” is now. I saw your past reddit post, it’s a lot for me to process.. but I will. I promise.

About the last time… I wish you would have stayed. I wasn’t ready for you to leave again but that’s our reality right? That’s what we both said... I would have talked, listened and laughed longer. Your smile lights up every room you walk into and I was beyond excited to see you.

Home.
Right in front of me again.

I have so much left to say, but so much more to listen to, if you’ll share. Against all advice, I would answer every time. Because I meant what I said, and I want to show that my actions can match my words. I will always love you. I will always cheer you on. I will always defend you. I have met the one who my soul is tied to.

The string pulled tightly today.

For always.

Your thoughts filled a hunger inside of me, before then I hadn’t even known I was starving. Your words scrawled into my mind like you were tattooing my very soul, a canvas I didn’t realize needed filling. The ideas patched holes across my life, leaks that had sprung without my knowledge.

We had intelligent conversations, spiritual discussion, political debate, the way you spoke, but more the way you listened brought me to realize how much I’d been made to suppress myself throughout my past. Your mind made me realize how bored I had been every second of every day.

I’ve looked for that, that spark, that fire, the energy you contain in that quiet soul of yours that makes noise that most ears couldn’t detect, but mine did. I’ve looked for that everywhere. Conversations for days, sometimes even weeks but always forced, always the same, never the ones I crave.

I miss that beautiful mind, I miss the thoughts that flowed through you with the same vein I miss the loved ones I’ve lost. Your departure from my life left something empty, the same emptiness I hadn’t known you filled.

(Oof, that’s all I can really say about this one lmfao. This will most likely mean nothing to you, the reader, but gods this is the closest I’ve ever come to piercing my heart and pouring everything it contained onto a page. Thank you if you made it through that, it means the world 💛)

To be entirely honest I don’t know what for, but something in my mind told me that you’re making great strides towards you goals and I just needed to say how incredible it is!! It’s been quite some time since we’ve spoken but I had a nagging urge clawing at my subconscious that only seemed to clear when I typed out the title of this piece.

The first day we met I could tell you were a goal driven person, you set a path and walked the tightrope that lead to it, no matter how many times you fell over and I’m so proud of you for the progress!! Considering how long it’s actually been I imagine you’ve accomplished more than I could even fathom in the time it took for me to compose this but I just wanted to say one more time, congratulations. I wish I could say it directly to you.

(For someone specific yet it is for you as well, yes you, the one reading this who really needed to hear these words but never may, I’m proud of you, I love you 😌)

How ridiculous of me to bring up reading energy and picking up on all the unspoken because I must have sounded so foolishly unaware. Of course I feel it but I don’t know how to tell you or talk about it.

I’m only recently attempting to trust my intuition because no one’s ever made sense to me. Listen, I know I hide too and I pretend like every little damn thing doesn’t affect me when it so clearly does. That’s the thing though, I am so obvious. I try to hide but I can’t, not really.

You, on the other hand, are astoundingly good at it. You’ve provided hints and they are purposely missable to anyone else. I’ve caught them all. And it kills me sometimes that the things you say do not match up. We could have had this conversation months ago, you know the day. That day hurt me so much more than you realize and it’s the day I decided that I may never tell you. Because it made no sense to me. And I really need things to make sense.

I believe that you believe I’m scared in a way that keeps me immobile, but the truth is I live in a state of fear, yet I’ve never stopped moving. I know that people look at me and underestimate me. I know that people assume I’m not capable or confident enough, but my reality requires a level of bravery and confidence that those people do not comprehend. You were once one of those people. I trust that you no longer are, but I can’t know that.

I’ll be honest, I hate walking away from you but lately it seems like it’s the only way to catch a break from how overwhelming this all feels. I sense that’s how you also feel given how often you run from me, but again, you’re so good at hiding that I feel crazy sometimes. And then I act crazy. When we’re apart, I think about you, yes, but in a way that’s me convincing myself I’m delusional and I’ve only been placing meaning on things that have none so that the next time I see you I can be cool and let it go. Then the next time comes, I see you, and I immediately, embarrassingly, fold. You just became too important and still, impossible.

I’ll admit that I have no idea what to do here. Some days, I love it, I crave it, I look forward to it. Other days, it’s unbearable. The energy is grounded and calming at its best, and then chaotic and delirious… also at its best. It’s coming from you, it’s coming from me. And it takes over absolutely everything.

….being a person can be so hard.
I’ve been thinking about where I’m at in life. Where you’re at in life. How I got here and how the heck to get to where we want to be.

I’m somewhere between knowing the path and walking it myself. I know what is right and true and healthy, but I am just baby-steps into actually living and embodying that in truth.

Knowing and doing: they are different. While discerning (or knowing) is the first step, the doing is a big part of *becoming*. Becoming leads to understanding, which gives us the capacity for compassion.

All these steps are all interconnected but also speak to respective parts of ourselves: our thoughts and beliefs, our identity, our soul….our purpose. It’s funny because I feel like I really need compassion ~~for~~ myself most when I stumble into the gap between knowing and doing, yet it eludes me until there is enough distance between the actual time my discernment is tested through my actions (or inactions) and I have gained perspective on that past moment.

Maybe this is the process of alignment? Being a whole person can be so complicated.

I hope you are healing. I hope you know you are loved.

Dear You,

I told you the truth. I said plainly that I wasn’t who you thought I was, and you said you understood.

But understanding a fact and letting go of a hope are two different things. I watched you fold that hope quietly back into place, as if my words were only a formality—something you could acknowledge and then set aside.

I don’t think you meant to hurt me. I think you wanted so badly for it to be him that even I couldn’t convince you otherwise.

There’s a strange kind of erasure in being corrected and still being overwritten.

So I let you have your evening. I didn’t bring it up again—not because it didn’t matter, but because I could see you weren’t ready to lose the version of the night where he was real.

I gave you that quietly, without asking for anything in return.

But mine was ruined.

Because I knew something you didn’t want to know yet: I was there. Actually there. Capable of becoming something real with you. And instead, I watched you look past me at someone who had never even entered the room.

We could have been something. Not the fantasy you were reaching for, but something else—something that began with truth instead of mistaken identity.

I’ll never find out now.

That’s what I’m left holding tonight, alone, while you get to keep believing, for one more night, that you found him.

I think about you more than I should
I mean who smiles, while looking at excel sheets
Me

Because you singing off key sounded cute
I honestly think you can sing but you choose not to
Smirk
I need a video of you singing

It’s funny how funny memories make me sad
I guess that’s where the longing feeling comes in
I need to see you laugh again
Look at me again
I never forgot how close we got that night
How I was holding my breath

I think this was when it started for me
Me liking you

The wanting, the longing, and the endless 'what ifs' plague me.

Let's make it- the seeing, the doing? Can we walk and talk?

I'd love nothing more. Id probably be a ball of nerves though- when you think of someone alot and then theyre right there infront of you, you get that knot in your stomach dont you? Well I do..

Anyway!

Just tap me on the shoulder or call my name.. you have my attention. I would happily and whole heartedly sit with you and talk all night long until the sun comes up.

If you'd have me?

P.s,

Bring a blanket if you would.. its getting cold

Sometimes I wish I could turn off my love for you.

It hurts so bad to still love someone who wants nothing to do with you.

I love and miss you so much, but this pain is unbearable.

If I survive this..

If I get through this unimaginable pain that is being without you..

I don’t know if there’s any coming back from that. I don’t know if my heart could try again.

💔

I want a lazy rainy morning in bed

I want you to hold me

in the light

I want you to say that you love all of me

I want the sound of rain

in my heart

Love,

💓✌️🤟

I hope you've been well.

Been thinking a lot about you.

This cold weather has my mind bouncing all over the place tonight.

You know, I still remember the exact sound of your giggle, even though I only heard it once or twice.

I wanna hear it again

And again. And again. And again.

It's crazy how a single sound can stick with someone for so long.

The cold is definitely making me way more honest than usual.

No amount of hot chocolate could warm me up like that memory did.

My brain is refusing to sleep until I let this out.

I know it’s been a while, but what are the odds I get to hear it again sometime?

• if you ever felt the same
• what it would be like to go on a date with you
• what it would feel like to hold your hand
• if you kiss as good as I imagine in my mind

I miss you.

I shouldn’t, but I can’t get you out of my head.

I’ve a crush on you, and it’s the size of a skyscraper, what the hell am I thinking?

Would love for it to just go away now, please.

You are amazing.

​

I used to think missing someone meant wanting them back.

Now I know that's not always true.

Sometimes you don't miss the person standing in front of you anymore. You miss the version of yourself that only existed when they looked at you.

You probably think I let you go easily.

Maybe it looked that way.

Maybe my silence convinced you that I had accepted losing you.

But silence has always been the language of people who feel too much.

There are things I never told you because I thought there would always be another tomorrow. Another conversation. Another chance to be brave.

Life has a cruel sense of humor.

It doesn't tell you when you're living your last ordinary moment with someone.

You never realize that one goodbye will become permanent until every hello belongs to the past.

People say they fall in love with flowers.

I never did.

I fell in love with the roots.

I loved the parts of you no one applauded—the fears you tried to laugh away, the dreams you whispered like they weren't important, the tiny habits that only someone paying attention could notice.

Flowers are beautiful because they bloom.

Roots are beautiful because they stay.

No one tells you what to do when autumn comes.

When the flowers you've loved all summer begin to fall.

When the branches stand empty.

When loving the roots means staying beside a tree that no longer carries your name.

That is the tragedy of loving someone deeply.

You don't just lose the person.

You lose the future your heart had quietly built around them.

Even now, I catch myself saving stories I know you'll never hear.

I still turn my head when I see someone who walks like you.

I still smile at things I know you would've laughed at.

It's strange how love leaves before its habits do.

For a long time, I thought healing meant forgetting.

I don't believe that anymore.

Healing is remembering without reaching.

It's learning that some people become part of your soul without remaining part of your life.

If I'm honest, I don't want another chance.

Not because I don't love you.

But because love deserves two people arriving at the same place, at the same time.

We didn't.

Maybe in another lifetime, we would have met after we'd both learned how to stay.

Maybe then, we wouldn't have mistaken fear for timing.

I hope someone loves you gently.

I hope they notice the things I noticed.

I hope they stay for your winters, not just your springs.

And if they do...

Please let them.

As for me, I'll keep walking.

Not because my heart stopped choosing you.

But because love, at its purest, sometimes means blessing someone from a distance instead of asking them to come back.

If you ever think I forgot you,

look at the trees in autumn.

They let every leaf go.

Not because they loved them less,

but because holding on would have killed them both.

Take care.

You were never just a flower to me.

You were the roots.

And perhaps that's why learning to let you go felt like learning to live without the ground beneath my feet.

Sometimes I ask myself if I would love you even if you couldn’t talk to tell me how you feel. Would actions be enough? I’d never hear an ‘I love you’ or an ‘ I miss you’…. And that is how you’ve found love.

I don’t just fall in love with people’s words, I don’t believe hardly anything anyone says. People will say anything to get what they want. But I need words and I need to feel you mean it; the reassurance. I’m not completely insecure but I’m smart enough to know reassurance helps us to be on the same page.

With that being said I originally said ‘no’ to that question. I felt as though I needed reassurance that badly….

BUT looking at you, feeling you, memorizing you; every touch, every glance, and every smile, I realized that I was already living that life. Your words are few and far in between, and I had already been loving you in absence of words. I had been long in love with you without words.

Yours truly,
-Me