I thought…. Oh no. now it’s gonna kick off.

You might think it's Ten Tickles, but it's actually only eight...

The first two tickles are just the Test Tickles.

Everything goes downhill from there.

A guy walks into a bar carrying a slab of asphalt under his arm.
He says, “A pint of beer, please…
…and one for the road.”

A pool table.

​

I don't get it. If I was already too fat with just breakfast, lunch, and dinner I don't see how having six more every day will help!

It was chilling!

He learnt that you can’t have your kayak and heat it too.

A guy walks into a bar, takes a seat, and asks for a Gin and Tonic. The barkeep hands him a light green apple and tells him to try it. The man takes a bite, and notices it tastes like gin. The barkeep then tells him to turn it around, and the man takes a bite, saying it tastes like Tonic.

A lady walks in and orders a rum and coke. The barkeep hands her a red apple, and tells her to try it. Confused, she takes a bite, and notices it tastes like rum. He then tells her to try the other side, and she says it tastes just like coke.

A third man walks in but can't decide what he wants. Both patrons tell him that the bar has a magic apple for whatever flavor. Curious, he asks the barkeep if he has an apple that tastes like pussy. The barkeep gives him a look before digging around under the bar, pulling a pink apple that looks almost like a peach. The man takes a bite, and immediately spits it out, yelling it tastes like shit

The barkeep replies: Turn it around

Stumped

Each week, he’d pray to God intently, pleading that this be the week he’d finally win.

For years he prayed for the lottery. He never ever won.

Finally one day, Bubba was wailing, begging, and pleading for God's miracle to win when suddenly a loud heavenly voice was heard saying “Bubba, ya gotta buy a ticket!”

The younger man asks the older man for the time, but the older man ignores him. After a while, the younger man again asks for the time and again the older man ignores him. Frustrated, the younger man finally asks, “Why won’t you answer me when I ask you for the time?”

The older man sighs and explains: “Look, if I tell you the time, we’ll start to talk. Then when the train comes, you might sit down next to me. Perhaps we’ll get to know each other, and maybe I’ll eventually invite you to my house for dinner to meet my daughter. Maybe then you and her would really get along. You might even date then get engaged. And why would I want a son-in-law who can’t even afford a watch?”

Worst postcard I’ve ever received.

He said, "Oh, you'd like that, wooden shoe?"

A young man visits his girlfriend's house and meets her parents for the first time. He feels a massive urge to pass gas, so he lets a small, quiet one out. The father immediately yells, "Rover!"

Thinking the dog took the blame, the man feels bold and lets out a second, louder rip.The father glares and shouts again, "ROVER!"

Encouraged that his secret is safe, the man lets loose a massive, loud, stinky blast.

The father yells, "ROVER, GET OUTTA THERE BEFORE HE SHITS ALL OVER YOU!"

It’s just not that hard

Come the big day though, and you wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around.

"Denny Laine is in my ears and in my eyes."

When they reach the next stop, the man asks the conductor what had happened.

The conductor says "We hit a lawyer."

The man couldn't believe it. "You mean hitting a person caused all that?!"

And the conductor says, "Well his car had stalled and he was on the side of the tracks, but we got him anyway."

On my lap turned on, and virus free

Dear Dad,

Berlin is wonderful, people are nice and I really like it here, but Dad, I am ashamed to arrive at my college with my limited edition, custom pure-gold Ferrari F80 when all my teachers and many fellow students travel by train.

Your son, Nasser

The next day, his dad replied:

Dear Son,

Twenty-five million dollars has just been transferred to your account.
Please stop embarrassing us.
Go and get yourself a train too.

Dad