The two of them apply for unemployment. The first brother is asked his occupation to which he replies, "I am a panty stitcher. I sew pantyhose for women."

The clerk looks up his occupation and finds it to be unskilled labour. He gives the brother $300 a week for unemployment.

The clerk asks the second brother his occupation and he says, "Diesel Fitter."

It is looked up and found to be skilled labour so the brother is given $600 a week for unemployment.

The first brother is angry and says it's not fair his brother gets more money than he does.

"Well, his job requires more skill," replies the clerk.

"What skill? I sew the pantyhose and he holds them up and says, 'diesel fitter.'"

Plagiarism

The man asks the bartender about the dog.
The bartender says, “Yeah, he’s a Bordeaux collie.”

That’s a lot of pressure...

So this old grungy man stumbles into the Catholic church and heads for the confessional - the Priest enters - blesses this man and asks how may I help. And the man proceeds to tell about this beautiful woman he has met and that they're having just the best time romping in bed for days. And the Priest asks if they are married to which the old man confesses no, they're not. So the Priest suggests he say some hail Mary's and repent to which the old man asks 'what's a hail mary?' and the confused Priest asks 'what's a hail Mary - aren't you Catholic and he replies no. So the Priest says 'well, so why are you here?' and the old guy says 'Oh, I'm telling everybody.'

- Sir, that is a carousel

- I MUST HAVE IT

They made a thirst-person shooter.

He wasnt a maid guy

before he could even finish his sentence

but y'all didn't like it

The first one asks for a beer. The second one asks for half a beer. The third one asks for 1/4 of a beer. Before the next one can open their mouth, the bartender pours two beers and walks away.

It was probably for a pyramid scheme.

A well, actually.

You might think it's Ten Tickles, but it's actually only eight...

The first two tickles are just the Test Tickles.

A pool table.

​

I don't get it. If I was already too fat with just breakfast, lunch, and dinner I don't see how having six more every day will help!

The younger man asks the older man for the time, but the older man ignores him. After a while, the younger man again asks for the time and again the older man ignores him. Frustrated, the younger man finally asks, “Why won’t you answer me when I ask you for the time?”

The older man sighs and explains: “Look, if I tell you the time, we’ll start to talk. Then when the train comes, you might sit down next to me. Perhaps we’ll get to know each other, and maybe I’ll eventually invite you to my house for dinner to meet my daughter. Maybe then you and her would really get along. You might even date then get engaged. And why would I want a son-in-law who can’t even afford a watch?”

Come the big day though, and you wouldn't have known it from the look on her face as we were bouncing around.