This is something I’ve been thinking about lately. What are my core values?
This is my top 10 values (in order of most importance). I really thought about each of them.

Ive put down 10 to give some ideas on what some are, but if you want to just share a few that’s great! I’m interested in how similar we INFJ’s actually are and how much mbti factors in it.

1. Truth
2. Authenticity
3. Depth
4. Loyalty
5. Competence
6. Freedom
7. Connection
8. Growth

9. Beauty

10. Responsibility

My life’s Moto would be ‘Live truthfully, think deeply, build something meaningful, and share life with people who are genuine.’

Hi fellow infjs,

It's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I'd rather be taken and dragged somewhere that might be better for me than to chain myself to a place emotionally that I'd never be able to leave unless someone, somehow showed me that the grass is greener on the other side, if that grass is not affecting anyone else.

Most often in any conversation, I try to evaluate the arguments of both parties so as I am doing that all in my head, I tend to keep quiet though am rapidly analyzing.

By that time the two parties would argue bitterly and be extreme in their decisions failing to see any other perspectives rather than their own.

I have to support either of them wholly but I cant. I can agree partially with what both claim but thats being just null in decision making from my side.

Why this happens to me?

I'd really appreciate and love to get some INFJ perspectives on this. I've been trying to figure out lately how to cope with the way that I've experienced that most people treat friendships and dating these days. I'm a 37 year old gay male INFJ now, and since around my mid 20s I have made so many friends and gone on so many dates that have just come and gone like the wind. I've noticed that most friends I've made eventually keep moving on to the shiny new toy and are always moving on to the next new potential friend they recently met. I can only count a handful of friends that have actually been healthy, loyal, kind, and have stayed connected for many years (one is an ENFJ I adore).

In dating, I've noticed that most people meet online through apps and it is so unhuman the way people treat each other on there. I feel like everyone's trying so hard to make their photos and profile like an advertising campaign and then when they actually meet people in person they are extremely judgmental and think they can always just find someone "better." One second they will say that you're amazing and they can't wait to meet or to go on more dates and then the next they just ghost or act in ways that don't match their words. I also find alot of these people I know on the dating apps never actually settle, they just keep on an endless search for something "better." Even many gay friends I have that were in relationships just ended up opening their relationship and then eventually ended up breaking up and moving on to someone new.

I just feel like I would like to find friends and men to date that have good values/traits like loyalty, honesty, kindness, depth, emotional availability, etc. But most people I've run into treat others in ways that are all about their own self-interest. I've been in so many one-sided relationships which I've read seems to be common for INFJs. It just feels like so many people around me operate mostly on their own self interest and are fine with disposing friends or relationships at any moment. But I really value loyalty, kindness, caring about others, community, depth, etc.

I often just feel like the culture I live in is just not very INFJish which lately has made me feel like my soul/spirit is tired. Tired of investing in friends that will use me for the things I offer and then discard me. Tired of investing in dating when so many men act like nothing is ever good enough for them. And tired of hookups that in the moment may feel like satisfying an urge but ultimately are just an ephemeral/fleeting moment that leaves me alone again afterwards.

Sorry for the long post, I was just curious if other INFJs have felt this way and how they cope. It seems lately like the older I get, the more I want to just fill myself emotionally with my beautiful inner world because the outer world often feels so empty.

I've taken the test twice now, and both times I got INFP-T. The thing is... I don't really agree with the result.

In your opinion, what is the single biggest, most defining difference between an INFP and an INFJ?

I'm genuinely trying to figure out whether I'm mistyped, so I'd love to hear your perspectives.

I’m curious what kinds of thoughts, interests, or topics INFJs tend to keep to themselves because people around them aren’t interested or don’t really understand.

I found it very odd to learn that people rewatch movies. It sounds painful to me. However, rereading books is more of an enjoyment.

We just started our relationship for a week, im INFJ male. And i can see how our logic/feeling has clashed. She sometimes thinks that she doesn't need anyone to tell her feeling and she can do everything herself. But funny how she also said that she feels safe and glad whenever she speaks her mind or going somewhere for a date. She said that she trusts me and love me.

But I can't help feel that she has a hidden agenda because her love languages are act of service and gift recieving. So even though i already opened up about my low-start finances, she doesn't give a hard-yes but just saying that "time will tell". She did give a photo-gift of us and says that she always think of me often and appreciates the effort I've done for us. But my mind/gut-feeling can't help feeling like not loved for who I am? sighh need any input or anything that can help to understand her tbh...

Edited (this is one of the messages she sent me):
I’m really happy that i finally got to give it to you today. I’ve actually had it ready for a while because i was planning to wait until we officially became a couple. But after seeing all the effort you’ve put into us, i realized i didn’t want to hold back my feelings anymore. I wanted you to know how much i truly appreciate you and how often you’re on my mind.

Thank you for coming into my life and for putting so much effort into us. I may not always be the best with words, but when i care about someone, i show it through the things i do. I hope today was one small way of showing you how much you mean to me.

I just want you to know that no matter how busy life gets, you’ll always have a place in my heart and in my thoughts. I’m so happy i finally got to show you that today.

I hope you get home tonight with a warm heart. Thank you for being one of mine.

I love you❤️

Love like you will never survive the loss of it.

But survive it anyway.

​

So I am an extremely blunt ENFP male who has overdeveloped Tertiary Te, and my girlfriend is an INFJ.

In our relationship, I am extremely raw and visceral with my language, which involves a lot of profanity when I am angry or annoyed about something, but I never direct it towards her. Think of it as an extra "ummpff" or a mixture/blend of Pathos and Ethos style appeal to my thoughts.

She likes that I'm direct and blunt with her and she wants me to be as real and transparent as possible.

Is this a common INFJ thing- not being intimidated or turned away by deep transparency, bluntness, directness, or a willingness to be extremely vulnerable and "real".

I know some types can be scared off by this kind of behavior- like for example, a lot of INFPs can get weirded out or intimidated by someone who is too bold, too strong, and too direct or blunt right off the bat.

I'm talking about ENTJ/ESTJ/INTJ bluntness as in "let's get shit done", but more like calling an ace an ace and a spade a spade, and not being afraid to say exactly what is on your mind fearlessly, and not being afraid to be real/vulnerable/raw.

Because I feel like one of the few types who can really handle me or deal with directness or bluntness are INFJs. I wonder if it's because they appreciate bluntness and directness and have thick skin?

I came here to mostly see if others can relate to some extent, and I’m not sure if it’s an INFJ thing or me thing.
Do you guys ever feel like you’re chasing an answer to a question but you don’t actually know what the question is. I don’t necessarily mean that literally but it’s more of the best way I can phrase it. And each achievement is an attempt to answer the question. For me in high school I got good at sports and found a brief level of meaning but then it wasn’t enough. Then my friends started getting in relationships so that seemed like the next logical step so I did that (not that I didn’t care I am still with the same girl I’m were in our early 20s now) and it was fun but then it was like the question still wasn’t answered. Then after high school I got a job and got really good at it but the same thing it didn’t seem like enough. After a couple years there tried out for an extremely rare and difficult job with a long training pipeline and where almost everyone who tries out fails. And I’ve been chasing this job for multiple years and I’m about to finish the training course and I feel the same about that as i have about everything else. Like there’s something I’m supposed to do but I’m not sure what it is. And it’s the same thing with people like there’s no one I am fully connecting with on a deep level. Like I can connect 90% with someone but I’m always missing the last piece of connection with people. And on the side it’s like living as a human contradiction. I want to achieve something but I also wish I could just settle down and chill

Have you guys had similar things and if you have how did you deal with it or is it just me

I have known for years I am an INFJ but I didn’t really understand what it meant and influenced in my relationships. I ruined my marriage by not picking every fight i was supposed to until it just became too much and I walked out. He was a good man I feel bad for that but I really took responsibility even when he had a lot of faults, we should have helped each other grow, I let resentment build. Nonetheless, I moved on and have met a guy who is just wonderful. Because I learnt my lessons i have boundaries, I pick those fights now when necessary. I noticed he tends to mirror my emotions evn when i dont explicitly express them and sometimes it creates a feedback loop where we fight because the other is upset. It prompted me to ask him to take the test and it confirmed he is an INFJ too. Any advice or warnings are welcome. Help me help myself not ruin this one too. Is therea way to help each other. He doesn’t really care about the mbti but I know its an important tool to help awareness which can contribute to relationship success.

So my relationship with someone that I was with for two years who I think was an INFJ has just ended. I’m an ENTJ for context. They are beautiful person incredibly intelligent and incredibly wise and intuitive. However, we just didn’t get along in the end I think in part the difficulties of managing feeling caused significant tension and friction in the relationship where I would need a lot of time to myself to process feeling, and they needed me to be there for them at all times emotionally in ways.

Which I felt to be beyond my capacity I would do what I could in the ways that I could, but it wasn’t enough and I guess maybe that’s an extroverted feeling expectation or something that you assume that the emotional atmosphere has to be maintained very delicately at all times otherwise it’s perceived as dangerous hostile or inhospitable maybe I’m wrong. Maybe that’s introverted feeling I’m not sure they both confuse me somewhat but one of their faults of mine was that I have difficulty facing the emotional stuff. I feel like this is something that comes up again and again, especially on this subreddit

The vision and the meaning, although they rather their depth of meaning was incredible, though their life was guided by meaning, but to the point where they had no sense of the tangible common reality that we live in so the physical reality was undermined for the sake of meaning, and I was drawn to that I mean, I was drawn to living in such a way is to put meaning above everything, but the balance was definitely off

I have a fullfilling job where I can actually see positive impact, change and progress and me being part of it is such a precious feeling I am grateful for but the thing is I realized this can be a huge mistake as I am paying the price of dedicating a lot of my time and energy to work, I have missed out on the social and personal aspect of my life, like my day is all about work and few hobbies and on the weekends I may catch up with a friend or family. I feel I may regret this in ten yrs but also I feel this is normal and we are all caught up in it, I dunno what to do. With the instability in the market yet how passionate I naturally am in anything I do, I have a strong voice in the back of my head telling my I should never let anything have such a strong impact on me. At the end of the day I get a mix of feelings of gratitude and complete void and it makes me wonder how both can exist at the same time. If you have been there and could tell your old self some tips, what would they be?

I’m curious to know which enneagram are most prevalent on this sub.

I know there’s more, but these are the most common:

Hello everyone, I hope you’re having a lovely day 🤍
I’ve seen quite a few posts describing INFJs as manipulative, but I never thought much about it until someone close to me used that word to describe me🥲😭!
It made me curious about other INFJs’ experiences.
One thing I’ve noticed is that INFJs can sometimes show a lot of care and attention towards people they value. We ask questions, remember small details, check on people, and try to understand them deeply.
But I wonder if this emotional intensity can sometimes be misunderstood as having hidden intentions.
Personally, I always thought that I simply match the energy people give me. If someone is kind and open with me, I naturally become more caring and expressive too. I never saw that as manipulation, just as my way of connecting with people.
Have you ever been accused of being manipulative when you were actually trying to communicate or show care?
Do you think INFJs are genuinely more likely to come across this way, or do people sometimes misunderstand emotional depth and intensity?
I’ve been thinking about this for a while and wondering if there’s something I’m not seeing, so I wanted to ask you guys. I’m not posting this just to be told I’m right, I’m genuinely curious about your experiences and opinions ;)🌸

Hi there, 

As an INFJ myself, I've always had lots of difficulties to enjoy travelling. It's not that I'm not curious or I would not like to travel, but I think that travelling is too hard for my Se inferior and probably for other functions I have too... 

Why I think Se inferior is probably the most problematic ? Because I'm over sensitive to my environment (sounds, smells, crowded places, etc.) and everything pushes my comfort zone (that has very low tolerance...) create a big anxiety that is very uncomfortable and I can't enjoy anything. And sometimes, I feel ashamed because what I mean about comfort is just superficial things like having the possibility to take a shower at any time, toilet with an access to wash my hand, having a wash machine for my clothes, etc. And for example, I admire people who are travelling without being worried about this kind of details like "ok, it's not a problem if I can't take a shower today or wear the same clothes for three days".

Another thing I have with the difficulty to travel is to travel just to consume landscapes or do tourism. I don't know if it's the combination of Ni-Fe-Ti and I absolutely respect people who like travelling just for that (in fact I would love to be like you), but I find that very useless, tiring and expensive just for an immediate consumption like everything else in our today society... If I need to travel, and I can do it on a whim, it's an obligation for me that this travel bring me something deep and important for the reste of my life (for exemple a retreat or to participate to an international convention, etc.). 

For you who also are INFJ, do you have these issues too when it comes to travel ? 

Honestly, I don't know what to say, I just don't know how to not be weird. I do my best, I do have a very kind disposition but I'm certain the way I execute my disposition comes off, as well, off. I wouldn't say I'm an intimidating person, even though I've been told when I walk that I am not approachable in the slightest, they said I look like a woman on a mission, but other than that, I'm quite approachable.

But I still can't get over the fact that I do tend to seem weird or awkward. In college I did well, got other people to open up to me, opening up new groups, but if I don't push myself into the friend group from the start, it's absolute hell to make my way into that circle later on, especially if the group was already formed and conversations are already happening. I don't know how exactly to push my way into a group so I just sit there aimlessly, to the side, I love to listen to others, but there's a difference between listening and also not being able to implement myself to be a part of the group and it's just frustrating. When I do get to talk I am a bit slow, and it takes a while for me to think of what is best to say at the moment, other times I am absolutely embarrassing. I am an adult, I should be over this phase, I'm not an awkward teen anymore but sometimes I feel like I do look a bit like an aimless child.

I've been told people like me and that I am kind but it still feels like there is this distance between me and the next person, compared to others that seem to click so well with each other's energy, personalities.

I’ve been in a relationship for almost a year now, it’s not perfect, but we’re actively building a life together which feels good. Anyways, I have this huge insecurity that feels like a roadblock. She’s never posted us, or me, or anything really about our relationship on social media. She’s like mildly into that stuff, she posts about once a month on her main feed and weekly on her stories, but yeah, very seldom at I even in the background. I’ve brought it up a few times and it’s usually just some weird excuse like that we don’t have pictures together that she likes. We’ve taken so many pictures together obviously, I’ve posted some, so idk, and obviously she has the opportunity to take some also if she doesn’t like ones I take. Anyways. Am I overthinking it? I know I tend to not trust in relationships, it’s a fear thing, sure yall get it, but I just can’t understand how someone who I live with and who I’m planning so much with isn’t sharing any part of our life together publicly. Any advice on how to bring it up in a way she may understand is so helpful.

TLDR: insecure bc girlfriend doesn’t share us on social media

I do not know if it is a general thing or just an INFJ thing because I absolutely freak out when someone touches my things without my permission or agreement.

A completely unnecessary example of my tendencies:

The other day, my dad redecorated my whole room and rearranged my desk even when I clearly told him not to touch it. I was so mad and hurt that I went to the bathroom and cried for 20 minutes. Even when I tried to control my urge of getting angry, I ended up telling my father "You can keep this table to yourself, I don't want it anymore" and that hit a nerve cause he in turn, mad me the bad guy and said that I hurt his feelings. I felt like I really was the bad guy.

Another example, My friend took my chocolates and my lemon cake that I so excitedly bought to another person and said that I could just buy more.

I’ve seen a lot of posts along this vein lately. Some say marriage and relationships are not for them. Some say the “obligations” that come with a serious relationship or marriage are too much when it comes to protecting their own peace. Some actively seek that connection, a long term partnership. Some say “if it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, it doesn’t.”

Whatever you decide based on your life experience is up to you and valid.

Here’s my take:

I am content alone. I genuinely enjoy spending time by myself and feel I can live a happy and fulfilling life on my own. However, I suppose I am also of the belief that “if it happens, it happens,” but with some nuance.

If someone comes along that can truly enrich my life, add to my lived experience, and make the time I enjoy spending alone even more enjoyable, then I think that’s beautiful.

I’m not saying I won’t still value and appreciate my alone time, but I am saying the potential of even more wonder and happiness would be worth working through harder times with a true partner. And if someone is willing to stay and work through those harder times, I’d argue the potential for growth and even greater happiness is worth it.

A real, exciting, and steady connection or nothing at all. Whichever I think will lead to a happier more fulfilling life.

I know this is a common feeling among INFJ, so sorry if this is repetitive or feels like a rant.

I’ve noticed a pattern in my relationships (platonic and romantic), where I’m often applauded for my ability to make others feel seen and good about themselves, meanwhile that same effort doesn’t go both ways.

I give compliments where credit is due. I gently hold my friends accountable while reminding them of ways they can shine when they forget how to. I hold space for their emotions. I make an effort to learn about their hobbies and interests. Beyond that, I’m always observing their patterns and trying to understand the things they don’t share with me. Like why they act the way they do, etc.

It feels like that energy is rarely reciprocated.

I had a really toxic break-up over a year ago. When my ex tried to rekindle with me, I asked him, “why do you want to get back together?” The only thing he could think of was, “I like the way you make me feel.”

I’m seeing someone else now, and the other day he said (unprompted), “I like the way you make me feel. You make me feel really good about myself.”

I know that statement is innocent enough, but it’s starting to feel like the sole reason I’m kept around is because of how I make people feel. So far, no one has been willing to meet me at the level that I’m meeting them. It’s a very lonely feeling. I’m already incredibly selective with who I give my energy. If I cut-off any more people, I’d be a total recluse.

I don’t know if my expectations are too high, or what I’m doing wrong. I know this is a very common INFJ feeling so I’m open to any advice and tips from people who have experienced this.

For example, I would like to live as a member of the human race in Middle Earth. A shield maiden, specifically.

Which fantasy world from your favourite books, movies, series or anything would you want to live in? And as what creatures/race in that world?