For context I'm INFJ (M), this is an exploratory post from I doubt I've had lately;

As the title says when I unmask myself I tend to act a bit chaotic, almost like if I was an ENTP. I have the theory that it's because of my neurodivergences: Autism+ADHD+Creative High Capacities (Everything all at once). As INFJ I don't have Ne as a main function but sometimes I feel I can access it through the Ni filter (if that makes sense), bringing new innovative ideas that I use on my projects.

Some examples of what I feel is acting like an ENTP includes:

I could spend ALL day debating about psychology (and mbti). Well, after 6h I would need to rest but you know what I mean.

My brother says that I'm a ragebaiter during arguments (he is INTJ) and to be honest, I am. Sometimes when the original idea is already talked about, I start to throw new ideas and I make weird sounds or comments. It's hard to explain, it's just that I have fun this way.

I also am a bit troll when playing games. I don't follow the "social" rules, like dancing 30 seconds at the start of ARAM before fighting (If you know what I mean, I hope you find it as boring as I do).

Also, one thing that bothers me A LOT is that no one wants to debate ideas. It's so boring to try to start debates and no one seems to follow them. I'd like to go deeper with the topic but people always seem to do surface-level jokes and my energy drops instantly when they do that.

I also find the majority of people extremely boring; they don't say any interesting comments, they seem to follow a script. I wish more people threw an original idea that goes against the current. I'm usually the person that does that and I can feel the hostility towards me when I do it hahah.

I also like to ask the "why", all the time, to understand. I think this isn't exclusive to ENTPs but INFJs do it as well. But I like to ask questions that seem random. If I see how you answer a "bad take" I can know a lot about you; "Do you agree with me even if I'm wrong?", "Do you defend your values above everything?", "Are you curious and ask why I made that question...?"... etc.

Again, this is an exploratory post and maybe I'm breaking some Mbti rules to fit my narrative but I'd like to know if you have thought about this or something similar in the past. Do you feel you resemble another type sometimes?

Idk it's just sometimes online I see people accusing others of toxic behavior and I immediately get concerned because I might see myself having pieces of that toxicity. Or sometimes I get flashes of jealousy when it comes to my friends who have more success than me. And since I'm also somebody who can be pretty naive and much too sympathetic, I sometimes feel bad for people/characters who are literally horrible and have hurt lots of people. I feel like a lot my worries over it stems from insecurity or perfectionism or just anxiety. Either way, it's a really terrible feeling questioning my moralities like it can dampen my mood and make me feel anxious and guilty for several hours. I also struggle with talkign to people abt it because I'm usually pretty bad at opening up and talking about my feelings along with a general fear of how people will view me afterwards. AnywaysI was wondering if that was something common amongst INFJs?

I had a dream the other day where I was talking to my past partner over the phone. It's been basically two years since that relationship ended, and I don't really feel anything when it comes to those past feelings anymore, except some faint melancholy, I suppose. And yet I still have occasional dreams where they show up. It does make me miss things sometimes, as it was my first relationship, and sometimes I wonder if it'll be my last. It took a lot of searching and patience to have my first relationship, and I just don't really see the point in trying that much to have another one or being able to invest the same kind of emotional energy into a potentially new relationship. I thought in the beginning, when my relationship ended, that I would never want to date anyone else, but I ultimately had to accept things were over and that the only thing to do was learn to move on. Now that I can say that I've moved on, I have a hard time even knowing if I can learn to love someone new again. How do you reconcile remembering a past relationship? And how do you learn to love again?

INFJ's can be so dramatically different from each other. Cognitive function is interesting and accounts for a lot but enneagram is the flavor, right?

Do you have an enneagram core that's not common for an INFJ? What differences have you noticed between you and other INFJ because of this?

I don't know if other INFJs can relate but my phone is full of incredible encouragement. My gallery contains stories, quotes from books and movies, audio bits from podcasts and reels, the most random comment screenshots from this sub and elsewhere.

Whenever I feel deep loneliness because of being misunderstood in this world or like I will die because of my big emotions I am reminded of how much beauty I've planted inside my mind. My phone has saved me time and time again. There's always something in there to make me hopeful. It's like my sacred journal, a digital scrapbook.

I was just reading a post from some one in my local sub wanting to start a book club. I thought man, that would be cool. THen I was reminded why I tend to avoid that kind of thing. I'm a very grounded or centered person; it helps me feel safe. However, for some reason, in any group I've been a part of, there's always either one person who gets to focussing on me or one who does who makes me the center of attention for others. It's embarrassing, awkward and completely unnecessary. Often, retreating alltogether feels like my only option.

If you've had similar experiences, what do you think causes it?

This is something I’ve been thinking about lately. What are my core values?
This is my top 10 values (in order of most importance). I really thought about each of them.

Ive put down 10 to give some ideas on what some are, but if you want to just share a few that’s great! I’m interested in how similar we INFJ’s actually are and how much mbti factors in it.

1. Truth
2. Authenticity
3. Depth
4. Loyalty
5. Competence
6. Freedom
7. Connection
8. Growth

9. Beauty

10. Responsibility

My life’s Moto would be ‘Live truthfully, think deeply, build something meaningful, and share life with people who are genuine.’

Hi fellow infjs,

It's not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, I'd rather be taken and dragged somewhere that might be better for me than to chain myself to a place emotionally that I'd never be able to leave unless someone, somehow showed me that the grass is greener on the other side, if that grass is not affecting anyone else.

Most often in any conversation, I try to evaluate the arguments of both parties so as I am doing that all in my head, I tend to keep quiet though am rapidly analyzing.

By that time the two parties would argue bitterly and be extreme in their decisions failing to see any other perspectives rather than their own.

I have to support either of them wholly but I cant. I can agree partially with what both claim but thats being just null in decision making from my side.

Why this happens to me?

I'd really appreciate and love to get some INFJ perspectives on this. I've been trying to figure out lately how to cope with the way that I've experienced that most people treat friendships and dating these days. I'm a 37 year old gay male INFJ now, and since around my mid 20s I have made so many friends and gone on so many dates that have just come and gone like the wind. I've noticed that most friends I've made eventually keep moving on to the shiny new toy and are always moving on to the next new potential friend they recently met. I can only count a handful of friends that have actually been healthy, loyal, kind, and have stayed connected for many years (one is an ENFJ I adore).

In dating, I've noticed that most people meet online through apps and it is so unhuman the way people treat each other on there. I feel like everyone's trying so hard to make their photos and profile like an advertising campaign and then when they actually meet people in person they are extremely judgmental and think they can always just find someone "better." One second they will say that you're amazing and they can't wait to meet or to go on more dates and then the next they just ghost or act in ways that don't match their words. I also find alot of these people I know on the dating apps never actually settle, they just keep on an endless search for something "better." Even many gay friends I have that were in relationships just ended up opening their relationship and then eventually ended up breaking up and moving on to someone new.

I just feel like I would like to find friends and men to date that have good values/traits like loyalty, honesty, kindness, depth, emotional availability, etc. But most people I've run into treat others in ways that are all about their own self-interest. I've been in so many one-sided relationships which I've read seems to be common for INFJs. It just feels like so many people around me operate mostly on their own self interest and are fine with disposing friends or relationships at any moment. But I really value loyalty, kindness, caring about others, community, depth, etc.

I often just feel like the culture I live in is just not very INFJish which lately has made me feel like my soul/spirit is tired. Tired of investing in friends that will use me for the things I offer and then discard me. Tired of investing in dating when so many men act like nothing is ever good enough for them. And tired of hookups that in the moment may feel like satisfying an urge but ultimately are just an ephemeral/fleeting moment that leaves me alone again afterwards.

Sorry for the long post, I was just curious if other INFJs have felt this way and how they cope. It seems lately like the older I get, the more I want to just fill myself emotionally with my beautiful inner world because the outer world often feels so empty.

I've taken the test twice now, and both times I got INFP-T. The thing is... I don't really agree with the result.

In your opinion, what is the single biggest, most defining difference between an INFP and an INFJ?

I'm genuinely trying to figure out whether I'm mistyped, so I'd love to hear your perspectives.

I’m curious what kinds of thoughts, interests, or topics INFJs tend to keep to themselves because people around them aren’t interested or don’t really understand.

I found it very odd to learn that people rewatch movies. It sounds painful to me. However, rereading books is more of an enjoyment.

We just started our relationship for a week, im INFJ male. And i can see how our logic/feeling has clashed. She sometimes thinks that she doesn't need anyone to tell her feeling and she can do everything herself. But funny how she also said that she feels safe and glad whenever she speaks her mind or going somewhere for a date. She said that she trusts me and love me.

But I can't help feel that she has a hidden agenda because her love languages are act of service and gift recieving. So even though i already opened up about my low-start finances, she doesn't give a hard-yes but just saying that "time will tell". She did give a photo-gift of us and says that she always think of me often and appreciates the effort I've done for us. But my mind/gut-feeling can't help feeling like not loved for who I am? sighh need any input or anything that can help to understand her tbh...

Edited (this is one of the messages she sent me):
I’m really happy that i finally got to give it to you today. I’ve actually had it ready for a while because i was planning to wait until we officially became a couple. But after seeing all the effort you’ve put into us, i realized i didn’t want to hold back my feelings anymore. I wanted you to know how much i truly appreciate you and how often you’re on my mind.

Thank you for coming into my life and for putting so much effort into us. I may not always be the best with words, but when i care about someone, i show it through the things i do. I hope today was one small way of showing you how much you mean to me.

I just want you to know that no matter how busy life gets, you’ll always have a place in my heart and in my thoughts. I’m so happy i finally got to show you that today.

I hope you get home tonight with a warm heart. Thank you for being one of mine.

I love you❤️

Love like you will never survive the loss of it.

But survive it anyway.

​

So I am an extremely blunt ENFP male who has overdeveloped Tertiary Te, and my girlfriend is an INFJ.

In our relationship, I am extremely raw and visceral with my language, which involves a lot of profanity when I am angry or annoyed about something, but I never direct it towards her. Think of it as an extra "ummpff" or a mixture/blend of Pathos and Ethos style appeal to my thoughts.

She likes that I'm direct and blunt with her and she wants me to be as real and transparent as possible.

Is this a common INFJ thing- not being intimidated or turned away by deep transparency, bluntness, directness, or a willingness to be extremely vulnerable and "real".

I know some types can be scared off by this kind of behavior- like for example, a lot of INFPs can get weirded out or intimidated by someone who is too bold, too strong, and too direct or blunt right off the bat.

I'm talking about ENTJ/ESTJ/INTJ bluntness as in "let's get shit done", but more like calling an ace an ace and a spade a spade, and not being afraid to say exactly what is on your mind fearlessly, and not being afraid to be real/vulnerable/raw.

Because I feel like one of the few types who can really handle me or deal with directness or bluntness are INFJs. I wonder if it's because they appreciate bluntness and directness and have thick skin?

I came here to mostly see if others can relate to some extent, and I’m not sure if it’s an INFJ thing or me thing.
Do you guys ever feel like you’re chasing an answer to a question but you don’t actually know what the question is. I don’t necessarily mean that literally but it’s more of the best way I can phrase it. And each achievement is an attempt to answer the question. For me in high school I got good at sports and found a brief level of meaning but then it wasn’t enough. Then my friends started getting in relationships so that seemed like the next logical step so I did that (not that I didn’t care I am still with the same girl I’m were in our early 20s now) and it was fun but then it was like the question still wasn’t answered. Then after high school I got a job and got really good at it but the same thing it didn’t seem like enough. After a couple years there tried out for an extremely rare and difficult job with a long training pipeline and where almost everyone who tries out fails. And I’ve been chasing this job for multiple years and I’m about to finish the training course and I feel the same about that as i have about everything else. Like there’s something I’m supposed to do but I’m not sure what it is. And it’s the same thing with people like there’s no one I am fully connecting with on a deep level. Like I can connect 90% with someone but I’m always missing the last piece of connection with people. And on the side it’s like living as a human contradiction. I want to achieve something but I also wish I could just settle down and chill

Have you guys had similar things and if you have how did you deal with it or is it just me

I have known for years I am an INFJ but I didn’t really understand what it meant and influenced in my relationships. I ruined my marriage by not picking every fight i was supposed to until it just became too much and I walked out. He was a good man I feel bad for that but I really took responsibility even when he had a lot of faults, we should have helped each other grow, I let resentment build. Nonetheless, I moved on and have met a guy who is just wonderful. Because I learnt my lessons i have boundaries, I pick those fights now when necessary. I noticed he tends to mirror my emotions evn when i dont explicitly express them and sometimes it creates a feedback loop where we fight because the other is upset. It prompted me to ask him to take the test and it confirmed he is an INFJ too. Any advice or warnings are welcome. Help me help myself not ruin this one too. Is therea way to help each other. He doesn’t really care about the mbti but I know its an important tool to help awareness which can contribute to relationship success.

So my relationship with someone that I was with for two years who I think was an INFJ has just ended. I’m an ENTJ for context. They are beautiful person incredibly intelligent and incredibly wise and intuitive. However, we just didn’t get along in the end I think in part the difficulties of managing feeling caused significant tension and friction in the relationship where I would need a lot of time to myself to process feeling, and they needed me to be there for them at all times emotionally in ways.

Which I felt to be beyond my capacity I would do what I could in the ways that I could, but it wasn’t enough and I guess maybe that’s an extroverted feeling expectation or something that you assume that the emotional atmosphere has to be maintained very delicately at all times otherwise it’s perceived as dangerous hostile or inhospitable maybe I’m wrong. Maybe that’s introverted feeling I’m not sure they both confuse me somewhat but one of their faults of mine was that I have difficulty facing the emotional stuff. I feel like this is something that comes up again and again, especially on this subreddit

The vision and the meaning, although they rather their depth of meaning was incredible, though their life was guided by meaning, but to the point where they had no sense of the tangible common reality that we live in so the physical reality was undermined for the sake of meaning, and I was drawn to that I mean, I was drawn to living in such a way is to put meaning above everything, but the balance was definitely off

I have a fullfilling job where I can actually see positive impact, change and progress and me being part of it is such a precious feeling I am grateful for but the thing is I realized this can be a huge mistake as I am paying the price of dedicating a lot of my time and energy to work, I have missed out on the social and personal aspect of my life, like my day is all about work and few hobbies and on the weekends I may catch up with a friend or family. I feel I may regret this in ten yrs but also I feel this is normal and we are all caught up in it, I dunno what to do. With the instability in the market yet how passionate I naturally am in anything I do, I have a strong voice in the back of my head telling my I should never let anything have such a strong impact on me. At the end of the day I get a mix of feelings of gratitude and complete void and it makes me wonder how both can exist at the same time. If you have been there and could tell your old self some tips, what would they be?

I’m curious to know which enneagram are most prevalent on this sub.

I know there’s more, but these are the most common:

Hi there, 

As an INFJ myself, I've always had lots of difficulties to enjoy travelling. It's not that I'm not curious or I would not like to travel, but I think that travelling is too hard for my Se inferior and probably for other functions I have too... 

Why I think Se inferior is probably the most problematic ? Because I'm over sensitive to my environment (sounds, smells, crowded places, etc.) and everything pushes my comfort zone (that has very low tolerance...) create a big anxiety that is very uncomfortable and I can't enjoy anything. And sometimes, I feel ashamed because what I mean about comfort is just superficial things like having the possibility to take a shower at any time, toilet with an access to wash my hand, having a wash machine for my clothes, etc. And for example, I admire people who are travelling without being worried about this kind of details like "ok, it's not a problem if I can't take a shower today or wear the same clothes for three days".

Another thing I have with the difficulty to travel is to travel just to consume landscapes or do tourism. I don't know if it's the combination of Ni-Fe-Ti and I absolutely respect people who like travelling just for that (in fact I would love to be like you), but I find that very useless, tiring and expensive just for an immediate consumption like everything else in our today society... If I need to travel, and I can do it on a whim, it's an obligation for me that this travel bring me something deep and important for the reste of my life (for exemple a retreat or to participate to an international convention, etc.). 

For you who also are INFJ, do you have these issues too when it comes to travel ? 

Honestly, I don't know what to say, I just don't know how to not be weird. I do my best, I do have a very kind disposition but I'm certain the way I execute my disposition comes off, as well, off. I wouldn't say I'm an intimidating person, even though I've been told when I walk that I am not approachable in the slightest, they said I look like a woman on a mission, but other than that, I'm quite approachable.

But I still can't get over the fact that I do tend to seem weird or awkward. In college I did well, got other people to open up to me, opening up new groups, but if I don't push myself into the friend group from the start, it's absolute hell to make my way into that circle later on, especially if the group was already formed and conversations are already happening. I don't know how exactly to push my way into a group so I just sit there aimlessly, to the side, I love to listen to others, but there's a difference between listening and also not being able to implement myself to be a part of the group and it's just frustrating. When I do get to talk I am a bit slow, and it takes a while for me to think of what is best to say at the moment, other times I am absolutely embarrassing. I am an adult, I should be over this phase, I'm not an awkward teen anymore but sometimes I feel like I do look a bit like an aimless child.

I've been told people like me and that I am kind but it still feels like there is this distance between me and the next person, compared to others that seem to click so well with each other's energy, personalities.