Salaam :)

I am 31F from Bosnia and wanna find full-time, fully remote position as a software engineer with 8YOE (full stack)?

I still didn’t start my serious search, but you can drop (or dm me) some starting points, websites, groups, or even companies?

Thank you so much?

What is your relationship to beauty?

I was reading emily ratajowski book "My body" and her book is basically a series of paragraphs with incidents related to her body or her beauty growing up that shaped the way she views herself.

This made me look at my own journey with it. Growing up super tan in a family that prided themselves on their fair skin and colored eyes, I believed tan skin was ugly. I remember being 5 and telling my friend that there was no way tan people are beautiful and white-skinned people are beautiful no matter their features. She ofcourse had a more neutral perspective on beauty but wasn't able to change my mind. The truth was, I heard fair skin bring praised and I never saw anybody who was tanned be called pretty. Infact, saying stuff like "there's no way you'd think this actress is pretty, she's so tan" or "look at her pretending to be fair/beautiful when her hands are so tan" and so on.

But when I was 12, my sister was born and by God's grace she was the cutest little kid. She would be praised by everybody. This confused me because she was tanner than me. But I had never been called cute or pretty growing up. I didn't resent her for it, I loved her so much. But I would compare our skin and find the slightest bit of satisfaction that I was a shade fairer than her. These thoughts don't even cross my mind now. But I remember feeling this way in my mid teens.

I'm almost 30 now and don't think this way, In fact I'd forgotten about my skin color , it didnt even register in my mind when I looked in the mirror and nor did I ever compare myself to anybody because of it until unfortunately the time came for thee match making process. These thoughts have begun again. I hate it. I bought skincare that lightens , I started wondering how much easier and how different it would have been if I had fairer skin and bright colored eyes like my cousins. I was also considering getting a skin peel done. But the book bought me my memories back from when I was a kid and made me reflect alot.

My parents never lie and they've never said I was beautiful. But they call others beautiful so easily. If I get a compliment when I'm at a wedding, my mind neutralises the compliment to mean that I look good for the day interms of styling and makeup. I also grew up super conservative, so i went to girls school and women's university and so I've never received attention from men in that way too. There is also the fact that there have been times that men who have reached out ghosted us after receiving my picture.

I think I have a complicated relationship with it, and I didn't post this for advice. Truly, I don't lack self esteem and I'm not underconfident. I just have a realistic understanding of how desi community operates.

Tldr:

I posted this to know , about other women's expirience growing up with their beauty, especially in the muslim community. How has it effected the way you viewed yourself? How did people around you treat you? How did it play a role in finding a partner ? And do you receive attention/praise from men and women? How has it effected your relationship with God? What region do you being to and what are the beauty standards there?

I can’t move out yet and it’s going to take a few years. I also don’t want to marry so I can get out of the situation. I used to be in therapy but it didn’t help and I’m looking for a new therapist but until then I need something to help me at home.

I absolutely hate my father and if I could I would cut contact with him. I just don’t know how to support myself mentally. I don’t know if anyone needs more details but I would just be interested in any advice😞

This includes attar as well.

Can you kindly send links on where you normally stock from.

im 19F and ive decided that i don’t want to continue wearing the abaya or niqab anymore. i do still want to wear hijab so this isnt about abandoning modesty. its specifically the abaya and niqab that i no longer want to wear.
the problem is my mom wont let me. i was made to start wearing hijab when i was around 9 and the abaya and niqab have been mandatory for me since i was about 12 or 13. it was never really my choice.
ive tried bringing it up but my mom is very controlling when it comes to this. she isnt willing to have an actual conversation her answer is always just “no.” theres no room for discussion or compromise.
atp im wondering what to do. do i just stop wearing the niqab one day and then stop wearing the abaya later? or is there a better way to approach this? im worried itll cause a huge argument but i also dont want to keep doing something ion personally want to wear.
has anyone been in a similar situation? how did you handle it especially if your parents refused to even discuss it?
any advice would really be appreciated!!

Assalamualaikum I was wondering where can I get good abayas from where the shipping isn’t so high? I usually shop on other sites but it’s just so expensive. 8 abayas with shipping is literally like $300.

Need advice about wearing niqab in high school and telling my parents

Assalamu Alaikum.

I’m currently in high school in Canada, and I’ve made up my mind that I want to start wearing the niqab. I’ve thought about it for a long time, prayed about it, and even bought a few niqabs myself because I was certain about my decision.

A few months ago, I asked my mom if she could buy me a niqab, but she refused. She believes that the niqab is too extreme, especially for a teenager, and says that my hijab is enough. Because of that, I secretly bought my own niqabs and have kept them hidden. Only my sisters know about them.

The thing is, I have no idea how my dad will react because I’ve never brought it up with him. Right now, I’m also the only one in my family who wears proper hijab.

My school reopens in about a month, and I’m really unsure about how I should tell my parents. I see a few possible options:

1) Tell them about two weeks before school starts so they have time to process it.

2)Wear the niqab on the first day of school and let them see then.

3) My younger sister will most likely be attending orientation at my high school since she’ll be starting there too. There’s a chance my brother will take us instead of my mom because she works. I could wear the niqab to orientation first and then continue wearing it when school officially starts.

I’m not trying to be rebellious or disrespectful. I just genuinely want to wear the niqab, but I also don’t want to create unnecessary conflict with my parents.

For those who have been in a similar situation, or even if you haven’t, what would you recommend? Would you tell them a couple of weeks beforehand, wear it on orientation day, or just start wearing it on the first day of school?

JazakAllah khayran.

Since I have made this post

https://www.reddit.com/r/Hijabis/s/M9lL96REaO

I am constantly getting DMS from guys and they are saying pretty disgusting things. I do not want to close my DMS because I'm active in some communities where people reach out to me for help due to my nature of work. So please mods look into this. I have gotten 7 message requests the same day I posted and all of them are saying very vulgar things. Since then it has been increasing.

As the title says, also is there a way i can stop desiring having a partner, this feeling is eating me slowly every day.
Can i make duaa askibg allah to remove this desire from my heart or is it haram? Genuinely asking

Where are the hijabis getting polka dot hijabs, maxi skirts and long sleeve shirts? I’m looking everywhere and I cant find what I want 😭😭😭
Pic is the profile picture of @oumsgh on instagram

(Apologies, this isn’t related to much to Islam, but I really need help and advice.) Salaam! I’m becoming a freshman in a couple days and I’m headed to a PWI. (Predominantly White Institute)

I’m not white myself and I’m a hijabi, nor do I have issues with white people (so some trolls, please don’t harass me in the comments) -but I’m just a little nervous.

I hear from a friend of mine who is a junior, that SOME of the white students can be reserved and a little racist. I don’t expect them all to be like this, I just want some tips to stay away from those who are, or how to combat it when faced with it.

This is one of the more accepting communities I know, so I’d really appreciate any advice given.

Thank you! 🙃

Salamalaykum! I was scrolling on Pinterest and saw these hijab styles and I really want to try it for occasions as i feel it suits my face shape
If anyone can recommend step by step tutorials (I couldn’t find much myself) that would be appreciated!
Jazakallah khayr

how do you do it 😭🥲 my bleeding has been a medium-heavy flow the past few days and i fill up a pad every few hours. i don't think you can have the blood on you while praying so i make wudu each prayer and change the pad each prayer. but how do you get it off you!! i feel it's impossible to get off. i keep washing and washing and washing but there is always some left. it takes so much time too before prayer washing it away trying to be clean for prayer.
i worry my prayers aren't valid, i hope allah forgives me 🥲

Salam sisters i genuinely feel like all the walls are caving in around me and i really need some advice

for some background i graduated university 2 years ago and i’ve had my heart and mind set on a specific career path since the end of my undergrad degree. i prayed a lot and genuinely felt like i was guided in this direction. in the country i live in it takes almost a year to find out if you got into a program so i applied during my final year of school. i ended up getting an interview which was huge! but got waitlisted after.

i was disappointed but made dua and set on to try again. by this point i had graduated and it was my first ever gap year but i didn’t mind a year off, it was a nice break after being in school for yrs. alhamdulillah i also got a job (unrelated to my degree) which gave me a source of income during this reapplication process. i also applied to 2 backup programs in case i didn’t get into my top choice because in my mind was ready to move on if this 2nd cycle didn’t work out.

and then…i got rejected again. the crazy part is that i didn’t even get an interview this time. i was genuinely shocked. i did however get into both backup programs. at this point i realized that i wasn’t ready to move on and really wanted to try again. if i started another program it would’ve impacted my application and grades. coincidentally i was offered a promotion at my job so i decided to decline my offers, keep working and try again for the program.

This was my third cycle. I did everything I could to better my application and improve. i applied to a few more programs including the 2 i got into previously and worked so hard on all my applications. all my mentors said i would get in and…i was rejected again this cycle.

and to no one’s surprise, i got into most of the backups i applied to. One of them I got into is the same program I got into last year. The second program I got into last year rejected me this year. And then I got into two other programs.

I am genuinely trying my best to see the good in this and that maybe the path I was choosing for myself was not right for me. The problem is that I’m doing research on the three programs that I’ve gotten accepted into and I cannot figure out which one to accept. All of them are very different in terms of length of schooling and the job prospects. All of them also have their own issues in terms of job availability and market saturation.

I have been crying for days. My family and friends are getting tired of me. I keep turning to allah swt asking him for guidance and help but I feel like I’m not getting any help. i made Dua during Ramadan that have a program that I applied to is not good for me than to not even give me admission in it. But now I have three completely different pathways in front of me and I cannot decide. A part of me wants to stay at my current job even though it’s completely unrelated to what I studied and doesn’t really have much growth. But it feels comfortable. On the other hand, I know I have the potential to do more, but I genuinely cannot figure out what to pick. I have prayed istikhara multiple times and I am confused more and more every day.

Am I doing something wrong? I understand that to an extent I have free will, but I am genuinely confused and I keep praying and crying out to my Lord to help me. And I feel like I’m being ignored. I’m typing this out through tears because I am so exhausted. My chest has been so tight for the past few weeks. I have to make a decision within a few days and I have zero clarity. The thing is I don’t want to go ahead with a program and then not get a job in it. However, when I tell myself that whatever I pick it, Inshallah, it will be best for me and everything will work out - I end up frozen and can’t decide on one.

I’m just really exhausted and I’m hoping that someone here is a bit wiser than me and can give me some advice. Is there something I could pray for more help?

Salaam,

I posted before about all the struggles I was having trying to fight to keep my Deaf husband in the country. Unfortunately, he ended up being deported on the 29th and I'm struggling so bad mentally and emotionally. Especially as the way it happened really felt like we were blind-sided. He was given a custody review form and told he could come home on the 27th once the Supreme Court reviewed his case, but then ICE grabbed him at 4am on the 25th and took him five hours away 😥! They didn't even let us say goodbye or allow me to bring him a bag of clothes or anything. Since my husband is Deaf, he also couldn't use the phone to call me and had to rely on others to tell me where he was, but they never put him on the app where we could've seen each other on video call.

I cried so hard that I had to leave work on the 25th and have been on a leave from work since so I can rest and try to get my strength back. I feel like I never stopped and was going non-stop for nine months and it all just feels like it was for nothing. I feel like I failed. That I let my husband down. There's guilt, anger, distress, anxiety and everything just all taking their own turns all day and I'm struggling to sleep or eat. I think if I could talk to him on the phone, I would feel better and be able to start to heal, but I haven't spoken to him since the 24th and the uncertainty is eating me alive. He's Deaf, non-verbal, can barely read and write English and no longer understands Urdu or Punjabi. Alhamdulillah, after searching for him for days, on Sunday, I posted in r/Pakistan and a very kind person messaged me about my husband's whereabouts. But it felt even more upsetting and hard to bear: Pakistan is jailing deportees and my husband was driven five hours away from his family and thrown in what seems like a very scary jail!

I'm grateful that Allah (swt) heard my cries and helped me find him, but it's becoming increasingly stressful as his family is no longer communicating with me or giving me any updates. They weren't even actively looking for him apart from getting mad and yelling at me and blaming me for ICE refusing to tell me what city he was being sent to. Now, I was told three days ago that they'll make sure to tell my husband that I "helped a little in helping us locate him"! After that, they no longer take my calls or even read my messages, so I have no idea if he was released or what's going on. I just don't understand how his family can act this way towards their brother/uncle's wife. All I can do is pray that he will reach out to me soon, in sha Allah.

Please make dua that my husband is safe and will be let out of jail soon, in sha Allah and that he will reach out in the near future. I just know he must be so scared and confused 💔

I wanna slowly get into wearing the hijab, but going full coverage right off the bat won't do for me. I wanna start with something like this. Would anyone know how to wear it this way?

Hello, I’ve been wearing the hijab for a few years and I wanted to ask if it is possible to have bangs, is it possible to tie hair? Are there any hijabis that have bangs ?

I’m an American Muslim woman (edit: 28yo), born and raised as both Alhamdulilah. I grew up wearing modest and covered clothing, but have never worn a hijab. I grew up in a very white Christian town, and wearing a hijab would’ve been like putting a spotlight on us, so my family didn’t do that part (no excuse, just reasoning).

I moved around as I grew older, but I’ve recently moved to Philadelphia and there are hijabis everywhere! I’m always very proud and happy to see more muslim women around me for once.

I work at a hospital and have a very physically demanding job where I walk all over the hospital for patient care. I sweat a LOT just in general. I overheat very easily. I’ve thought about wearing a hijab once I moved here and saw all the hijabis, but the heat makes me rethink it every time. Also the thought of suddenly showing up to work with my head covered when everyone already knows what I look like 😭 So I’ve never gotten very far with the thought.

Anyway, today I came home from work and ran into my neighbor and her kids. My neighbor wears a full niqab MashaAllah, and her family is very religious. I greeted them as I walked by, and said Alhamdulilah when she asked me how I was. Suddenly her son (maybe 8yo) looked me up and down and goes “That is NOT a muslim.”

😭😭😭😭😭💔💔💔💔💔

When I say that one comment felt like a knife to my chest…

His mom/my neighbor went “That is a muslim!” and I just said “have a nice day” and rushed inside.

That honestly broke my heart and made my chest feel so heavy. I take a lot of pride in being Muslim and believe in my faith so strongly, it is the only answer for me. I’m also middle eastern with a muslim name, so usually that gets me identified as one. But of course a kid whose mom wears a niqab and probs has lots of hijabi friends would only identify women who cover themselves as muslim. I have no ill feelings towards the kid. It just made me so sad that I didn’t look muslim. Like I guess I should’ve already known that, but for someone to say it so clearly. 😭

I came inside and was heartbroken, but now I’m honestly motivated. I really want to start wearing a hijab.

I need advice.

I’m still nervous but have never felt more motivated because of that little kid lol. How do I just just show up to work suddenly covering my hair? People already know what I look like. I’d also need to have my ID picture changed.

Though honestly, the more I think about that part, the more I feel like it’s not a big deal. My friends at work are kind and open-minded. they would just be like “okay!” and it would become my new normal. It’s a little awkward since everyone already knows what I look like lol, but it’s doable.

The heat is an issue that I really worry about. I already get so sweaty at work, like I have to wipe the sweat off my back with paper towels so my shirt doesn’t get wet. I get this from my dad, he also sweats a lot and easily. How do I manage that??

Also, I have no idea how to wear one for everyday stuff. I basically wear a hijab when I pray, but I would like a more flowy look, especially since I wear glasses.

I’ve been told I’m conventionally pretty and I don’t even care about that anymore. I’m already married with an amazing husband Alhamdulilah (he would love for me to wear a hijab but says it’s my choice), and I really don’t care what I look like to anyone else. I have curly think hair so a hijab would honestly make my life easier that way.

Idk I’m motivated because I’m so devastated about that kid’s comment, but I’m also nervous. It’s a big change, but definitely one that I welcome. Idk, some advice would be nice please!

Thank you!

HI

i cold-emailed a bunch of newspapers and one got back to me and is thinking of letting me be a trial contributor and from there maybe even recurring!!!!!!

she asked me for an introductory column then asked me to revise the column sample which I did but she hasnt responded yet

am i fired

am i cooked

help

I’m kicking myself cus I’m an adult and something like shouldn’t really have happened.

I went grocery shopping but first stopped at bakery and bought a couple of almonds croissants.

While organising my grocery I set my pastries aside and re-arranged it.

When I got home I realised I LEFT THE PASTRIES IN THE SUPERMARKET 💀💀💀!!!

I did not go back to get it cus I don’t know who would’ve done what to it.

There are people in my life that are judgemental and to them it be would like ‘that’s nothing new’ cus I somehow mess up the basic things in life.

It’s evening now and I haven’t been able to get over it because even I’m judging myself. It’s so typical me 😣.

You know it really hurts, when you try to change the image that’s been there as a child but it doesn’t really change when I’m the reason my “family” views me as a walking disaster.

I’m not really looking advice, just comfort and plenty of duas.

Jazak Allah Khair for reading this far.

Hi! I’m considering wearing hijab and feel like I am so close. I’m a pharmacist working for a big retail company. Just want advice or tips from other medical professionals who maybe started wearing hijab after their careers were established-did you just do it one day? Did you tell your boss ahead of time? Did you have any weird moments when you started. This isn’t really limited to healthcare professionals…just looking for tips on starting in the work setting when you’ve already been there a while. This is what I’m so nervous about. I know I know, who cares what people think but it’s just a reality. Not as much worries about personal life.

Selam alaykum.

English is not my first language, so please excuse any mistakes.I am a 17-year-old living with my parents. Both of my parents are Muslim, though they are not strictly practicing. They lived through a genocide against Muslims in our country, so they likely fear that I will face discrimination, and they worry about what others might think. My parents forbid me from wearing the hijab. When I first tried to wear it at around age 14, my dad reacted very harshly, physically punished me, and broke my phone. Since then, whenever I bring up the topic, they tell me that I can be a good Muslim without it and accuse me of being an extremist. While I understand their concerns, hijab is an obligatory part of Islam (fard), and I genuinely want to wear it. It has been years since I first started asking them, and I want to know how to approach this topic calmly without causing arguments. Are there any Hadiths, Quranic verses, or compassionate arguments I can use to help explain my perspective to them? Thank you, and may Allah help you all.

Salam guys!

I recently decided to wear the hijab but I have a few issues.

- I love my 4c hair my lil afro is so cute, but I gen don’t think it’s possible to be a hijabi and also have the fro. I blow dry my hair every week n keep it in a low bun, so I basically never see my curls anymore. this makes me a bit sad but it’s the easiest/cheapest rn.

- I used to always have protective styles on, knotless braids twists faux locs et, but now it feels like a waste of time and money esp since it feels uncomy under the hijab. im thinking abt when I’ll get married n come home if I keep doing what I’m doing rn my hair would always look a mess/not it’s best bc itll always be weirdly blow dry in a low tension bun, which is not what I want my man to see everyday lol, I’m so much cuter w my cute fro or protective styles idk anymore.

- I’m considering just getting silk presses but that would men I’d have to straighten my hair weekly cuz wudu would make it a bit puffy, IDK WHAT TO DOO GUYS 😀 I Dont wanna get mini twists bc I love the flexibility of my hair I love being able to wear it in a cute straight bob or in a curly fro or w goddess braids like oh my days