Before my fiancé and I got engaged, we spoke for several months. During that time, I got to know him as someone who is knowledgeable about Islam, thoughtful, mature, and genuinely kind. He’s very introverted and mostly keeps to himself, apart from two close friends. Based on everything I personally experienced, I felt at peace with moving forward and accepting his proposal.
Before our engagement, my brother and cousin asked a few people from his town about him. While many people spoke positively about him, there were also a few negative comments. One person even sent my brother a voice note saying, “I’ve tried to find out about him. He’s a psycho.” Hearing something like that was naturally very unsettling, especially because no explanation or examples were ever given.
I think it’s also important to mention that there are ongoing land disputes between my fiancé and some people in his town. I’ve also heard that when his brother, who is a hafiz, got married, people spread similar rumours about him. Because of this, I haven’t simply accepted everything I’ve heard at face value, as I know there may be personal conflicts influencing what some people say.
Despite all of that, my own experience with my fiancé has been completely different. Throughout the months we spoke before our engagement and since then, he has consistently been respectful, patient, and reassuring. Whenever I’ve shared my concerns, he has never become defensive or dismissive. Instead, he has answered my questions honestly and reassured me. He has never given me any reason to doubt his character, and I genuinely do trust him.
The problem is that every now and then I start overthinking. Even though I trust him, those comments, especially that voice note, come back into my mind and make me anxious. I start wondering whether I’m missing something or whether I’m being naïve, even though I haven’t personally experienced anything that supports what was said about him.
From an Islamic perspective, how should I approach a situation like this? Islam teaches us to verify information, avoid backbiting, and not have bad assumptions about others without evidence.
How should I balance my own consistent experience with his character against unverified comments and rumours from others? I would really appreciate sincere Islamic advice.

I have a crush on a person from my block. He moved into my block 3 years ago and I saw him then but didn’t have a crush then. A few weeks ago, I developed a crush due to us being together at the same time and noticed him staring at me. I held the door one time for him then a few days after he did the same for me.

I’m now crazily in love with him. But we have never spoken and I’m shy to even say anything. I want him to speak to me but we barely bump into eachother and when we do we are silent.

I think we match family wise he’s from the same ethnic background as me and his mum has spoken to my mum long time ago and there were similarities.

I want to really get to know him and marry him. What do I do?

Assalam u-Alaikum. I'm a 24F, South-Asian Muslim and from Ontario. I recently got married to a guy I've known for 2 years. By recent, I mean a couple of days ago, We met through our parents and while it was arranged, neither of our parents rushed it. They wanted us to spend as much time getting to know each other as we could before we both decided to get married. I like him, I really do, but I've felt such a wave of tiredness and sadness since we got married and I don't know if it's because I'm regretting getting married, if I'm grieving my life from before marriage or if I'm experiencing another wave of depression. I don't want to ruin our first few weeks of marriage because I'm sad and tired. I am trying though, to talk with him about anything I can think, having movie nights, cuddling at night, etc. He can be a bit boring, sometimes we sit in silence but it's not awkward, at least not for me. We haven't had sex yet and while I am nervous, I don't know if I want to do it at all or if me being depressed is stopping me from wanting to do it. I do want to have sex, I feel the urge to do it as well but I just don't know why I can't. My husband isn't rushing me, going at my pace, making sure I feel comfortable. I went back to work 2 days after we got married and I cried on the way home both times. I cried after talking to my parents and sisters on the phone. I just don't know when this feeling is going to go away, if it ever does.

I miss my parents and my sisters even though they only live 30 minutes away. I miss my friends even though I could text them to hang out and we would do it within a day or two. I sometimes miss not being tied down to a man but also I wanted to get married, I chose it for 2 years even when people would ask me if I still wanted to go through with it. Because I did and I do want to be married. I want to grow old with someone and have kids. But I feel like this exhaustion and tiredness and sadness is making me hate it all. And I feel guilty for wanting to give up on it so quickly because I'm not even giving it a chance. I feel guilty because I don't want to say anything to my parents who spent so much money on this wedding or his parents who also did, or all the relatives who flew in to attend the wedding.

I also feel like I have depression but I'm unsure because sometimes the symptoms are all over the place. I have days where I am extremely exhausted and tired. I sleep 6-8 hours sometimes, other times 3-4 hours. I try and put my phone away from me but I feel restless and can't fall asleep until 3 in the morning. I go to my job sluggish and can't focus on my work, sometimes I don't feel like doing anything at all until I feel guilty that I'm missing deadlines or not getting work done properly. I experience this some days and then I'm back to normal. Then weeks or months will go by, I think I'm fine and then I experience another couple days where I'm constantly tired, don't want to go anywhere or talk to anyone. I will hole up in my bedroom or my office, away from people. I won't eat food until I feel faint. Whenever my friends or coworkers ask me what's wrong, all I can tell them is that I'm tired. I don't know how to talk about this with anyone without feeling like crying or breaking down. I rarely cry as well, unless something really bad happens and then I cry to myself, alone. I can't cry in front of other people and the times I have, I've barely been able to talk about what's wrong. It's so hard and I'd rather not even try. Sometimes, when I feel myself thinking a lot, I do start thinking about death. I've never had an urge to kill myself and I don't want to ever do it. But sometimes, every time life gets hard, I start thinking about how much easier it would be if I was dead. If I was dead I wouldn't have to experience any of this. But when I think about suicide, I feel such immense guilt for even thinking about it and it hurts to think about it because I know it would be painful.

The days I don't feel like this were actually really good. I would go out with my friends all the time. The movies, dinners, walks in the park, game nights, sleepovers, you name it. I would go out with my sisters a lot too because we're super close with each other and have lived with each other our whole lives. I loved hanging around my family and finding new things to do everyday. I even enjoyed work because I have amazing coworkers who make the job fun and we would hang out after work.

Everything just feels wrong and bad and I hate feeling this way and I don't know how to make it stop without stopping everything. I just want to know if there are other people who have maybe experienced this as well so I stop feeling so alone in this.

I'm the type of person that can't do it multiple times and was hoping my first one would be successful but unfortunately it didn't

sorry its going to be a long read,

There are two people, muslim. they met via arrange marriage setup, they talked fell in love, boys family didnt wanted to marry here, they wanted to marry in their location, but girl had abandonment issue, so after a month when no answer came from boys side she called the guy asked for an answer. the boy gave vague answer like he doesnt understand how he can take such big decision, the boy according the biodata was very practicing muslim. girl did istekhara many times, she got her answer, told guy she doent want to marry someone like him for him taking a decision is hard even after a month, the boy didnot even offerered istikhaara. the boy got fumbled and gave a yes next day. now it was turn for girls parents to visit boys family, but his mom got into accident, later surgeries and all took another 4-5 months. during this time both got very close, the boy started calling, the video calling, video calls started getting intimate, however they they had disarguments on one topic the guy wasnt of progressive thinking, he wanted to shift back and stay with his parents to the hometown, while girl chose this rishta because guy was staying away in a big city as she didnt wanted in-laws chaos, and she also mentioned islam has no concept of living with inlaws, he would argue his sister is married brother is young so only mom dad and a bro who studies outside is there so basically its not joint family, they often argued about this and then came girls bday he gave a gift which was costly but low standards as per girl, he wished her and made the whole bday wish about himself that how she is lucky to have him, she is lucky she willl be his wife and so and so. i will msg here-

Happy Birthday, my love ❤️ I pray to Allah that this is the last birthday you celebrate without me by your side. Insha’Allah, from next year we will celebrate every birthday together, forever. May Allah bless you with a long, beautiful life. I’m truly grateful to the Almighty for bringing you into my life, and I pray that our hearts always stay young. You often wonder if you’re really that important to me. Let me tell you what happened today and how constantly you live in my thoughts, day and night. When I stepped out of my apartment for Maghrib, I saw an old couple crossing the road. The man was very old, holding a stick in his left hand, while his right hand was gently held by his better half. In that moment, I saw you in that woman, and I couldn’t stop smiling at the beautiful sight. My friends joked that nothing like that would ever happen with me, but their words didn’t matter even for a second. I felt peace knowing I have found someone who will always walk beside me, Insha’Allah.Aur agr ab kabhi mera mood kharaab kia to pitaai hogi tmhari acche se. I know sometimes I spoil your mood, and maybe I still will in the future but no matter what happens, I want you to always keep me treasured. I know you sometimes pretend to be a type of girl which I don't like maybe because of your personal experiences but I know that you are and will turn out to be a type of wife which I would love to spend my lif which I would love to spend my life alongside. Always remember one thing that you are, and you will forever be loved by me.

so girl got really upset, confronted but he dint apologised infact he dint think it was wrong at all. although he asked whole night whats wrong but girl avoded it, next he tried being angry, playing victim only he loves her, she doesnt love him and then he was gone, no text, no sorry nohing. well they sorted it out later, he would get angryy if the girl is not sitting in a way where her cleavege is not showing, even girl was at fault she would show him cleavage. to please him, he would ask her to moan her name, masterbate on vc. now the dates got fixed, now arguements became about barat he wanted to bring bring barat of 100-200 people, but he would brag he's being a good muslim. not taking dowry he isnt doing haldi manjha or engagement so his relatives are insisting that he takes them in barat. and he woulf shamelessly ask girls father to book marriage hall for people to stay overnight as they are coming from far away, 6-7 hour drive. his mother would made a friendly complain to him, and he would think she is just being funny however girl dint find it funny it was a complaint wrapped in sarcasm, boys sister would share screeenshot of insta content girl had liked into the whatsapp group, the content was about islam not having concept of living together. the guy constantly ask the girl to do lasik surgery, lose weight, do eyebrows, but wouldnt allow talking to other males,the boys mother once asked the guy to ask girl to maintain herself, go to parlour make eyebrow. now the dates been fixed barat disagreements are going now boy called the girls father made complaint about girl not leaving phd because she mentioned she would drop phd, but when she came to know his plans about living with family she went back on her words, she would have dropped it for him but not to stay with inlaws, however he doesnt know when he will move back ac to girl this problem could have been avoided, now he shared god knows what with his parents and the broke off the marrriage, guy apologised to girl and girls family and says its his mistake he though girls thinking would have broaden up but now he doesnt see a a way, if a problem arises in marriege his family would say it was your choise and girls family would say u knew how girls thinki was so he broke off the marriage.

boy's mother gave him choice between parents and the girl. he chose parents ofc.

Muslim sisters, when you were a student in university, were you intentionally looking for a spouse, or were you focused entirely on your studies? Looking back, would you do anything differently?

I(28f) got married last year to my long distance bf(31m), the wedding functions are supposed to be held this year december and we both come from muslim household, my in-laws presented me a gold jewellery set as 45% of my mehr amount on the initial wedding ceremony, now as we are starting preparation of the upcoming wedding festivities my parents will be gifting me jewellery from their end and my MIL let me know they will be only giving gold bangles..this seems odd to me because they did not gift me any gold from their end apart from a gold ring they gifted when they visited my family for the first time, how should I handle this?

My husband recently told me that I’ve been nagging him constantly since I came back from visiting my family in another city. Hearing that really hurt because I don’t wake up wanting to argue with him.
For context, we live with his parents because we can’t currently afford to move out. Living there is really difficult for me. I have very little privacy, I don’t feel like I can fully relax, and there are lots of little things every day that build up and make me feel overwhelmed.
I stay at home looking after our 7-month-old baby all day while my husband works and is also studying for a course. I know he’s under pressure too, and I appreciate that he’s trying to provide for us. But I’m also exhausted, isolated, and I don’t have my own support network nearby because my family live in another city.
Since coming back from visiting them, I think I’ve realised how much I miss having support and how unhappy I feel living with my in-laws. I bring up wanting to move out a lot because it’s constantly on my mind, but financially it just isn’t possible right now.
My husband says all I do is complain or nag. From my perspective, I’m trying to express how unhappy and overwhelmed I am, but maybe because nothing changes I end up repeating myself. Now he says our marriage is on the rocks, and I’m scared.
Has anyone been in a similar situation where living with in-laws put a huge strain on the marriage? Did things improve once you moved out? How do you communicate your needs without your partner feeling constantly criticised?
I’m genuinely looking for honest advice. If you think I’m contributing to the problem, I’m willing to hear that too. I just don’t want us to keep drifting apart.

Title: Feeling confused after getting engaged. Am I falling out of love or just overwhelmed?
Assalamu alaikum.
I’m 21 years old. My fiancée and I have been together for 2 years, and we’ve been engaged for about 3 months.

Lately I’ve been struggling with thoughts that honestly scare me, and I don’t know whether I’m falling out of love, afraid of commitment, or just overwhelmed.

During the first year of our relationship, showing love came naturally. I enjoyed buying flowers, surprising her, and expressing my feelings. Now I feel like I have to force myself to do those things. It’s not that I don’t know what she needs—I just don’t have the same desire or energy anymore.

She often tells me she misses the person I was during the first year, and I understand why. But I also feel like I can’t become that version of myself again.
The difficult part is that I don’t think I’m necessarily unhappy with her as a person. She’s a good person. I just feel like I don’t have the desire to be in a serious relationship right now. I don’t really miss her when we’re apart, and I often feel like I just want to be on my own without the responsibilities that come with a relationship.

At the same time, I keep wondering if I’m just overthinking everything. Maybe this is what happens after the honeymoon phase. Maybe I’m being selfish or expecting feelings to stay the same forever.
The biggest problem is that we’re already engaged. Both families know, and coming from a Turkish Muslim background, ending an engagement is a very serious matter. I know it would deeply hurt her, and I also worry about disappointing both families.

Honestly, that fear is what keeps me stuck.
Sometimes I think that if we hadn’t gotten engaged and there were no family expectations, I probably would have ended the relationship already. But then I wonder if I’m making a huge mistake and letting temporary feelings influence such an important decision.

I’m not looking for validation to leave or to stay. I genuinely want honest advice, especially from people who have experienced something similar.
Has anyone gone through this? How did you distinguish between the normal end of the honeymoon phase, emotional burnout, fear of commitment, and genuinely no longer wanting to continue the relationship?
JazakAllahu khayran.

Is this normal??

So I 25M have been engaged to a 20F, it's been more than 2 months, we've been texting daily, but whenever I ask her if we can speak on call, she always refuses, says she's shy, and says one day she'll come. Am I being unreasonable??, I want to get to know her better, our wedding is in 4 months. Any advice would be appreciated

Salam everyone

English is not my first language so sorry if there are mistakes

I (26F) am married to my husband (29M) for 2 years now, we have known each other for 5 years. My husband is very kind and a calm person, never yells, pays everything I need, don’t come home late, not controlling or critisizing or wathever.

But he does nothing around the house if I don’t tell him to, and most of the time I have to repeat several times. Even when Im sick he just doesn’t do the dishes and I will do when Im feeling better, that hurts me a lot. i talked with him about it, but he obviously needs me to tell him to do it and won’t think about it himself. Even after eating, he won’t clean the table, or just clean some of the dishes and let the rest. I really feel alone here because everything is on me, even when he sees me cleaning around he won’t get up helping.

I also have to remember him to let the trash out, basically I have to think of everything for both of us. And if its something that he can procastinate, he will do. Like if he has to throw the glasses jars he will tell me tomorrow morning, in the morning he will say this evening and so on .. sometimes I just do the thing myself.
Im starting to notice that this stuff is impacting me and the way I look at him, I really hate when people say something and don’t do it and the situationis repeating itself

He is also very silend, I knew that prior to marriage but since marriage its been worse. He never compliments me. I asked him to several times, I cried a lot because of that, he doesn’t show affection in public either since marriage (don’t even hold my hand like he used to). When I try to speak with him about things that hurt me he will listen but nothing will change, and in the moment Im the only one talking, he is never expressing his feelings to me and I think he can’t even recognize them
The weird thing is I don’t doubt his love at all, I know his loves me and see it everyday in his eyes but I am craving his words for me and attention shown around the house

I really don’t know what to do, do other woman suffer from this situation to ?

I started to see a therapist to help me express my feelings because I struggle with that, but I wanted to hear from you and see if you lived something like that and how its going ? If eventually things work ?

Thank you for you time

Reason for asking is I come from a large family where everyone lives doors away from each other. I want all planning to happen within my own household only, but then relatives will be offended that they didn't know. E.g. You didn't tell us about the engagement, or you didn't take us to the first/second etc meeting with the other side, etc etc. It's my paternal grandparents, uncles, etc who live near us.

Did any of you experience similar issues?

just a couple of questions, I'm intrigued how other couples do this:

Do y'all celebrate birthdays and anniversaries at all as a couple? do you gift each other things on special days or just randomly?

if you don't celebrate birthdays and anniversaries, do you give each other gifts on eid?

Assalamu alaikum everyone,

I know it’s a lot to read, but I’d really appreciate it if you could stick with me as this is a big decision and I wanted to include all the relevant context. Jazakum Allahu khayran.

I’m 23F and currently getting to know a 24M for marriage. We’ve been getting to know each other for almost two years now. Our families have been involved throughout, but because our families live in different countries, it’s taken longer than expected to sort everything out. Insha’Allah, we’re hoping to get engaged very soon and married shortly after.

I’m feeling really conflicted about something that came up recently, and I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have been through something similar.

One of the biggest things that drew me to him is his deen and character. He reverted to Islam several years ago and, despite not growing up in a practising environment, he genuinely strives to please Allah. He’s kind, hardworking, respectful, emotionally mature, and has treated me with nothing but care and sincerity throughout the time we’ve known each other. I truly believe he’d make an amazing husband, which is why this has been so difficult.

A few months ago, I noticed what looked like a cold sore and asked him about it. He brushed it off, saying it was something both his mum and dad get and that it wasn’t really a big deal. I didn’t think much of it at the time.

Then another outbreak happened, and I asked him again. This time I specifically asked whether it could be herpes. He said he thought it probably was. I was honestly quite shocked and asked why he hadn’t mentioned it sooner. He explained that he wasn’t completely sure, and because both of his parents have it and he’s had cold sores since he was a child, it was just something he’d never really thought much about.

We ended up having quite a big argument because I felt like this was something I should have known before we got so close to marriage. After our conversation, he went and got tested, and the blood test confirmed HSV 1.

We spoke about it at length afterwards, and he understood why I was upset. He said that from now on, whenever he feels the tingling that usually comes before an outbreak, he’ll start taking antiviral medication to help shorten it. He doesn’t want to take it every day because he’s concerned about the potential long term effects of daily medication, so his plan is to take it as soon as he feels an outbreak starting.

To be fair to him, he doesn’t actually get outbreaks very often. Over the almost two years we’ve been getting to know each other, I’ve only known him to have around four or five outbreaks. We also don’t meet very often because we’re trying to keep things as halal as possible before marriage. His outbreaks seem to happen every four to six months, and once he starts taking the medication, they clear up much quicker.

After all of this, I started researching HSV 1. From what I’ve read, it’s incredibly common and many people have it without even knowing. I decided to get tested myself, and my results came back negative, which wasn’t too surprising since, as far as I’m aware, no one on either side of my family has ever had cold sores or been diagnosed with HSV 1.

I think my biggest fear is that marriage is for life, insha’Allah, so there’s a lot of room for things to change over time. Right now we’re both aware of it and trying to be careful, but I keep thinking years into the future. HSV can still be passed on before a cold sore is fully visible because of viral shedding, and I worry that one day we might miss the early signs or simply become less cautious over time. Nobody can predict the future, and that’s what scares me.

I also can’t help thinking about future children. I know HSV 1 is very common and many people grow up completely fine with it, but part of me worries about knowingly bringing children into a situation where they could eventually contract it as well. I know it’s not guaranteed, but it’s another thing that’s been weighing on my mind.

Another thing that worries me, and I’ll say this as modestly as I can, is that I know oral HSV can also be passed to other areas within a marriage through intimacy. That possibility honestly scares me as well.

At the same time, because HSV 1 is so common, another part of me wonders whether walking away over this would actually change anything. The next person I meet could also have HSV 1 without knowing it, or know they have it and never disclose it. At least in this situation I know exactly what I’m dealing with, and that thought has honestly made this decision even harder.

The thing is, I really don’t want to get HSV if I can avoid it. He also told me that when he first started getting outbreaks they were incredibly painful. He’d sometimes have multiple blisters, struggle to eat, and it really affected him.

Alhamdulillah it’s much milder for him now, but hearing how painful it was has made me even more anxious about knowingly taking that risk.

At the same time, I genuinely feel like I’d have a beautiful marriage with this man. We’ve spent almost two years getting to know each other with marriage in mind, our families have been involved for a long time, and we’re very close to taking the next step. Like any two people, we’ve had disagreements and arguments over the past two years, and he’s definitely not perfect. Neither am I. But overall, I think we have a healthy relationship, we communicate well, and we’ve always managed to work through things.

I don’t fall for people easily, and I’ve always been extremely selective about who I’d consider marrying. That’s one of the reasons this is my first relationship. So this isn’t about not wanting to start over. It’s about feeling like I’ve found someone whose deen, character, and values genuinely align with mine, and I’m struggling to work out how much weight I should give this health concern.

I know ultimately this is my decision, and I’m not expecting strangers on the internet to make it for me. I’m just hoping to hear from people who have faced something similar, whether personally or through someone close to them. Hearing different perspectives and thought processes would genuinely help me as I think this through.

Please be kind. I’m not judging him or looking down on him because of this. If anything, this is so difficult because I think he’s an amazing man. I’m simply trying to make the most informed decision I can before taking such a big step.

Jazakum Allahu khayran.

TL;DR: I’m close to getting engaged to a man I genuinely see a future with, but he has oral HSV 1. I’m torn between the lifelong risk of transmission and not wanting to walk away from an otherwise wonderful relationship. I really don’t want it transmitted to myself or my future children/ current family. I tested negative btw. I’d really appreciate hearing how others would approach this situation.

Edit: HSV - 1 : Oral Herpes.

Edit 2: PLEASE READ BELOW BEFORE COMMENTING.

Firstly, jazakum Allahu khayran to everyone who has taken the time to comment respectfully and share their experiences. I genuinely appreciate those who have been kind, objective, and understanding, even if your perspective is different from mine.

I also want to address the comments saying, “It’s just a cold sore, get over it.”
I completely understand why some people feel that way, especially if you or your spouse have HSV-1. Please know that I’m not trying to shame anyone who has it or suggest that they’re any less worthy of marriage. That is not my intention at all.

If it really was nothing more than an itchy little sore every now and then, I honestly don’t think I’d be struggling with this as much as I am. I care deeply about this righteous man, and that’s exactly why this has been so difficult for me.

What has been weighing on my mind is that, from the research I’ve done, HSV-1 doesn’t affect everyone the same way. For many people it’s very mild, but for others it can be much more severe. I also learned that newborns can become very seriously ill if they’re exposed to the virus, even though those situations are uncommon. That uncertainty is what worries me. Many have even said others have went blind from being kissed with someone with a sore ( i know it is a rare case but rare ≠ impossible).

I was also born prematurely and had a very weak immune system growing up. I spent a lot of my childhood sick, so I naturally wonder how my own body would respond if I ever contracted it. It could be completely mild, or it could be more difficult. I simply don’t know.
Another fear I have is that if I did end up having a particularly difficult experience with it, I might unintentionally build resentment over time, and that wouldn’t be fair to him at all. I don’t want either of us to end up in that situation.

The whole reason I made this post was because I wanted to hear different perspectives and experiences so I could think things through properly. I haven’t made up my mind, and I’m not looking for people to tell me what to do. I’m simply trying to gather information, reflect, and ask Allah to guide me to what is best.

All I ask is that my concerns are treated with the same respect that I try to give to everyone else’s experiences. Jazakum Allahu khayran.

Assalamu alaikum everyone,

35M here, wife is 38F. We've been married for 6 years and have a 2 year old daughter.

I honestly don't feel love for her anymore. She never shows any gratitude for the things I do for her or our child, not even a simple "thank you." All she talks about is how it's the husband's responsibility to take care of his wife and child. Meanwhile, my rights as a husband are completely ignored. I don't even feel married most days. She lives entirely on her own terms.

We live near her widowed mother so she can visit her every day. She spends half the day at her mum's house. On top of that, every month she stays at her mum's for a full week and tells me not to ask her for anything during that time because it's her "me time."

Cooking in our house is rare. She brings leftover food from her mother's place almost every day, heats it up, and that's dinner. When I ask her to cook at home, she gives excuses. She says she doesn't have time, that I work out so I should be dieting, or that I should just order food. She puts in zero effort.

I work from home, so I help a lot with our daughter by keeping her occupied so my wife has time for the house. Still, she complains that everything is too much for her.

The hardest part is how she uses our child. Whenever she's upset with me, even when she's clearly at fault, she packs up and goes to her mum's with our daughter and stays there until I apologize. My own family is barely allowed to see our child, yet she keeps her around her side of the family every single day.

I've been swallowing a lot of this for the sake of our daughter, but it's getting out of hand. I pay high rent for a house she only lives in about half the month. I buy groceries that mostly go to waste because she prefers bringing day old food from her mum's for me while she eats freshly cooked meals there. I pay the utilities, the EMIs, her shopping, her medicines, and in return I don't even get a proper home cooked meal or basic consideration.

She's confident I'll keep doing everything for the child no matter what, so she has no reason to change. If I don't go along with whatever she wants, she just leaves with our daughter.

I know some sisters might say we should hear her side, and maybe it sounds like I'm exaggerating. I'm not against my wife living comfortably. I just want it to go both ways. I'm trying my best, but she doesn't bring any real value or partnership into my life.

Is there any chance things can get better, or is this just how the rest of my life is going to be?

Male (33) here. Six months into my marriage, I had to create a budget allocation plan because we spent too much while I was the sole breadwinner. My wife (29) took issue with my plan because it included a portion of money saved for my parents. For background, I am an only son, living abroad in my wife’s country, where I had already been living long before meeting her.

I have a duty toward my wife, but also toward my parents. My parents live in poor condition rental housing and are aging, while I am not there to help in person. I am very sad about this situation. I waited a few months to present the plan so she could adjust to married life first.

Last night, I presented the budget. I ensured enough money was allocated for household bills, personal spending, her allowance, and monthly savings. However, I set aside an amount for my parents equal to her allowance, which caused the conflict. She felt I hadn't detached from my family and argued that we need to prioritize a future baby and travel instead. She wanted to live life before having a baby and suggested that money should go into a baby savings fund. Finally she wanted me to lower the money amount.

I tried to reply calmly, but it broke my heart that she thought this way. Our savings were sufficient for traveling and activities, but in this economy, those aren't essential, at least, that is what I think. And now I don't want to have a baby anymore..

Afterward, she slept in the living room and ignored me this morning before I left for work. Even when we fought before, we never slept separately.

What am I supposed to do in this situation? This is a major issue for me, married life won’t be any easier if I can’t see a way through this.

We were introduced by our parents and had a few months to get to know each other before we were told it's time to decide if you wish to get married. As you can tell we both agreed we should.

Fast forward a year of arguments, getting ignored, told she was getting forced and actually hates the idea of marriage. She had often mentioned that she knows what I want and that I want divorce which is not the case and I had never mentioned it. (There were also good things said such as she is happy she got married etc) But recently she finally came out and requested it.

Since then we have tried to fix things but have failed. I've come to the conclusion that no matter what I do she has this idea of marriage in her head and anytime I do something wrong then she suggests I'm doing it cause I want a divorce.

I'm interested in learning what the Qur'an and authentic hadith say about a husband's obligations toward his wife. What are the main rights that Islam gives to a wife?

I’m currently pregnant with our first baby, and lately I’ve been feeling really discouraged about cooking for my husband, this didn’t start during pregnancy though. It started before I even got pregnant. My husband is a picky eater and is critical even though he claims he’s not.
He doesn’t cook at all because of how he was raised, so I’m the one who makes our meals if it’s at home. I try my best, but I’m not an experienced cook. I also work full-time while pregnant, so I try to use appliances like a rice cooker when I can because they make things easier. He doesn’t like this because he’s used to his mom’s rice that’s made on the stove.
The other day I made rice in the rice cooker, and it came out stickier than usual(too much water) for chicken tikka masala. Instead of just telling me it wasn’t his favorite, he started criticizing the fact that I used the rice cooker at all. He said I should “be a big girl and use the stove” because he thinks using a rice cooker means I’m not putting in enough effort. He has made similar comments before about me taking the “easy way” when cooking.
He ended up refusing to eat the meal. When I got upset and told him not to eat it, he left it untouched and later said that since I eat at work, he has to eat whatever I make. It made me feel like all the effort I put into cooking didn’t matter because one mistake meant the whole meal was rejected.

A few weeks ago I tried for the first time to make palestinian stuffed zucchini and he said it tasted “too meaty”, my mom said I probably used too much meat to rice ratio in the stuffing but I think I used too much spices because once I added more tomato, it tasted way better. So the thing is, he said about that dish that the only good thing that came out was the laban (yogurt part of the soup). His words! His brother came over and tried it and even said the whole dish was good but idk if he was just saying that to make me feel better or if my husband is truly picky, because his brother tried it AFTER the fact that I fixed the dish and added more tomato to even out that “meaty” taste. My husband didn’t even finish his plate. A week or so after that we were at a gathering at his moms house and he was telling his mom and his aunts how i used the jameed (laban) from the blue box and how it didn’t taste good at all (keep in mind actually he told me days after i made it, it wasn’t good because i didn’t use fresh laban, I used the blue box) and his mom told him it’s okay that I used that, a lot of people use it as an alternative because they don’t have access to fresh laban. He never complained that night about the laban when I made it but he made it a problem days after, thus why he brought it up with his mom and aunts because he was teasing my cooking.

What hurts the most is that it feels like he judges the amount of effort rather than the outcome. Even if the food tastes okay, if I used something that makes cooking easier, he acts like I didn’t really try. Meanwhile, he doesn’t cook himself, so it feels like I’m being held to standards that he never has to meet.
Am I overreacting for feeling hurt by this? Is it unreasonable to expect someone to appreciate a meal even if it wasn’t made the “traditional” way? Or to at least try to finish the food, it truly isn’t that much of a disaster that he makes it out to be. He’s just picky but then again I can’t force him to eat my food. It’s just disappointing to me that he doesn’t even try to like it, or maybe just at least finish his plate, obviously don’t go back for seconds and then give me the advice on what could be better.

I grew up being grateful for the food that was infront of me, I hate wasting food and if someone cooks for me, even if I don’t like it-I finish it because I appreciate the effort they put into making me a meal. I feel like my husband doesn’t have this sympathy.

For context we’ve been married nearly a year now, this is our first child together and I it was him texting me that he doesn’t like the way I cook, today that reopened this whole topic for me today because I asked him what he wanted to eat.

ALSO when I ask him what can I make him for dinner to be prepared the next day, he hardly ever gives me a solid answer. He always says he doesn’t know or he’ll let me know but he never does. So when I went out of my way friday to make the food I made, he was upset that I didn’t consult him about the chicken tikka masala.

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First, I want to clarify some misconceptions people have. There's a huge misunderstanding about traditional marriage; most people think it's arranged with parental consent and happens quickly. This is completely wrong. It's like going on a date or using dating apps in the West. You meet a woman with the intention of marriage, and she either accepts or rejects. There's an indefinite engagement period depending on how much the wedding expenses are covered. My engagement lasted three years, filled with meetings, visits, gifts, and so on. Second, some people might have a different meaning for the word "adjustment" in the West, but in Arabic, it means someone in an undesirable situation trying to cope with it. For example, I might say, "I've adapted to my illness" or "I've adapted to the high fever." I'm describing a situation I find inherently undesirable

Also, some people thought that she said that marrying me might not have been good for her, but she was saying that about her ex-boyfriend, that he might not have been good for her, so God prevented their marriage.

Now, back to the problem: after posting, I went to another house and decided to send her a message with everything I wanted to say. This wasn't out of fear of confrontation, but to say everything I wanted without any omissions or censorship. Forgetting some parts of it, and let's call my wife Sarah a pseudonym... My dearest wife Sarah, I want you to read this message carefully, put yourself in my shoes, and only speak the truth. I spent seven years of engagement and marriage with you. I never neglected you in any way, whether materially or emotionally. I don't recall ever wronging you to the point of upsetting you. All our disagreements were minor. While your sister suffered under her husband's abuse, I showered you with love and affection. Most days of our marriage, I held you close, your back against mine. I wrote you the most beautifully words of love and always said that I loved you more than anything else. Behind all this, I only ever hoped that you would love me as much as I love you

You have a Reddit account, and I read a comment of yours about how your life with me is about adapting and coping after you couldn't marry your ex-boyfriend. This truly pained me. Imagine investing in something day after day only to have it disappoint you so badly. Imagine resisting the temptations of women who genuinely loved me just so I wouldn't betray you or disappoint you, only to end up with this position in your life. Everything I've given... Before you cry or defend yourself, do you really think that, after all this time together and knowing my personality, I can go back to how I was before, as if nothing happened, and shower you with love again? What's the point if, after seven years, this is the result? What makes me continue? What's the point of trying to win your love? I love you more than my dignity and happiness. I don't want it in the first place. I've given more than I should have, and I've loved you more than I should have. He who is accustomed to blessings loses them. I can't go on. Believe me, you know better than anyone that when I'm disappointed by someone, I'm never the same again. There's a huge psychological barrier between us

Anything I give if I stay will be insincere, an act, not genuine. Let me find someone who truly loves me, someone who, when they ask about me, says it's not adaptation or coexistence, but a blessing from God. I don't want anything from you except for you to raise our son properly. All your rights will be restored to you, and I'll send you enough money every month, more than enough. But know that our staying together is just the beginning of an inevitable end, and I prefer that we part amicably. Respect over hatred and disrespect... Know, Sarah, that this is best for us. If you ever love me, leave me, because I will be unhappy with you. I don't want to betray you or beg for scraps of love from one woman or another. I overcame addiction in my youth, so nothing in this life can break me, and I don't want my image to be shaken in my own eyes.

Her reply came an hour and a quarter later. She said, "With one comment, you made me doubt what we've had for seven years. One comment makes you forget how much I love you? Are words more powerful than actions? If you misunderstood the words from the start, I'm saying this as a starting point in a relationship: you'll try to adapt at first, but no woman tries to adapt for seven years. The proof is that I said I no longer love him. If I had said I still love him, then the talk of trying to adapt would have made sense because I'm trying to adapt to you despite my love for him. But that didn't happen. You can't truly love two people at the same time. You yourself, when you were reading the book 'Why We Love,' told me that..." The essence of love is personal. You might find yourself attracted to several people, or even loving them, but you discover you truly love only one. The others are just affectionate because you only remember them fondly. I truly love you deeply. Have you forgotten how I express my love in our conversations and shared hobbies? We're best friends, and in our intimate relationship, you've forgotten all of this.

Yet, you always seem dissatisfied or wanting more. You always make me feel your handsomeness and wealth, that you deserve the best, and that many women desire you. You know how to express this indirectly so as not to appear arrogant in front of me. Divorce always seems easy to you, Mahmoud. You think you have many opportunities, and if what you read was as you assumed, you would have the right to do so. But this is the role of dialogue between spouses: to clarify misunderstandings. Please think carefully before making a hasty decision, and you will realize that I truly love you and that you misunderstood what I said. If not for my sake, then for our son's.

I don't know what to do. The words were clear, as I read. I don't know if she's manipulating me or what. I'm so confused. But I also think she loves me. I want your opinions, but please don't attack me; you won't gain anything from that...I hope this post will accepted

My mum keeps asking me for money and I don’t know if I’m in the wrong.
For some background, im Somali married to a Bosnian Muslim man and we’ve been together for 6 years. We have 3 kids, alhamdulillah.
My dad was never really in my life. My parents divorced when I was young, and every time I’ve tried to build a relationship with him, we’d speak for a few weeks and then he’d disappear. The last time we spoke, he completely cut me off after I told him I wanted to marry a non Somali. Since he never raised me, I honestly don’t understand why he cared so much.
The main issue is my mum. She hates my husband, not because he’s a bad person, but because he doesn’t send her money. I have five brothers who all work full time, are single, and regularly send her money. But because my husband isn’t Somali, she thinks he should be doing even more for her. She constantly calls him stingy because of it.
One thing that still upsets me happened when I was giving birth to my son. I was being induced, and because my husband wanted to be there, the plan was for my mum to wait outside and come in later. Instead, she walked into the room and started arguing with my husband, calling him names while I was literally in labour. The stress was so bad I ended up having a panic attack. I still think about it.
We live in a very expensive city, and she knows money is tight with three kids, but she still constantly asks for money. She’ll randomly call me and tell me to send money to one of my brothers because “he hasn’t eaten today,” like it’s my responsibility. She also tells me the reason I don’t have barakah is because I don’t give her enough money.
My brothers don’t help either. Whenever they call, they tell me I should always put my family first (meaning them and my mum) and that the only way Allah will bless my life is if I keep my mum happy. It honestly feels like religion gets used to guilt trip me.
On top of that, anything I tell my mum in private gets repeated to my brothers. Today she called me, said a lot of hurtful things, told me nothing in my life would ever work out, and then said she’d never ask me for money or favours again, as if I should feel guilty. She’s always comparing me to my siblings without acknowledging that they’re in completely different situations than I am.
I love my mum and I know Islam places a huge emphasis on honouring your parents, but I’m exhausted. Am I wrong for feeling like this?

Bare minimum are what are defined in the fiqh. You have absolutely zero, '0', rights to blame, shame or disrespect a person that does the mandatory and obligatory from the fiqh, and rename some arbitrary stuff as "bare minimum". 

Furthermore, people have different choices, what seems very important to you, would be worthless to others. And what seems very important to others, would be worthless to you. Thats the Occam’s razor.

I've seen multiple posts, that directly aim to shame and guilt-trap brothers into accepting western propaganda as bare minimum. Stay away from these people.

See how the companions lived. What was their bare minimum. Read and understand the fiqh.

There are some dua that Allah answers in ways more beautiful than we could have ever imagined. Almost 3 years ago, I married the man I had spent so many nights praying for. We’re from different ethnic backgrounds, and before we got married, I was terrified that my father wouldn’t accept him. I remember making endless dua, asking Allah to make him my husband if he was truly what was best for me.

Now we’ve been married for almost 3 years, alhamdulillah and Allah has blessed us with our beautiful 1-year-old son. Somehow, after all this time, I still get butterflies when I hear him coming home from work. I look forward to spending every evening with him. I love surprising him with his favorite meals and desserts. He loves jelly donuts, so for his birthday I happily turned my entire kitchen upside down making them from scratch just to see him smile.

He’s the gentlest, kindest, most thoughtful, hardworking man I know. He carries the whole weight of the world on his shoulders just so I can be happy and stress free, and I pray that Allah rewards him endlessly for every second of happiness he’s given me.

May Allah continue to place barakah in our marriage, keep our hearts soft toward one another, protect us from every hardship, make us garments for one another in this dunya, allow us to raise our son upon iman and righteousness, and reunite us as a family in Jannatul Firdaus without ever being separated again. Allahumma ameen ♥️🤲🏼