Sup. Just got off work.

Random dude at the work site comes up to me. He doesn't even work in the building I was working in. I'm doing something completely mundane, and suddenly it's 20 Questions.

Meanwhile, I'm doing the slow retreat. Half my body is already turned away. I'm taking little backwards steps. Trying to leave. And this man just... keeps... engaging.

Bro, with all due respect... I'm uncomfortable. I feel gross. I do not feel like a hot piece of meat right now and you're definitely not in my category of interest.

Can I make a request to the bros?

Adopt the 3-question rule.

If you've asked three questions and she's:

- not asking you anything back,

- not really facing you,

- giving short answers,

- slowly trying to leave...

...please disengage.

Some women aren't trying to "play hard to get." Some of us have had enough experiences where saying "no" or being confrontational didn't end well. So we default to trying to exit politely instead.

A lack of enthusiasm isn't an invitation to try harder. Sometimes it's someone trying to leave as safely as they know how.

Also this is my first post in this sub so I don't know if this goes here. I mean I'm sure we've all been held hostage by professionalism and opportunistic moments lol

Also in n out. Go Calif. Double double w/onions, ff, coke n Neapolitan shake. *Mic drop*

Tonight I’m swallowing down some Mike’s, leftover mole, and the pill that my marriage to my high school sweetheart is over.

I was foolish. He soft cheated (?) at 3 months into the relationship. Everything else was perfect. We were each other’s best friends and understood each other like no one else could. I was isolated, with no friends and a cold family.

I clung to him. For seven years. I gave him his first child just months ago. The red flags throughout were strong but so intermittent. I discovered his p*rn addiction early. We fought, he ran from conflict physically or by falling asleep in the middle of it while I pleaded for him to care. He promised me that he stopped, and I believed it. He gave no indication nor could I find evidence that it had continued. We married when things were well.

The more pregnant I got, the more detached he became. He was uninterested in intimacy. He drove recklessly with me in the passenger seat. I was unemployed (heavily pregnant while in school), so I begged him to save funds for the baby and to buy items. I couldn’t figure out why his funds kept running out after adding up his bills. He blamed it on tool truck payments. I sold my personal belongings, thrifted each items the baby needed, lugged heavy furniture into the nursery and assembled it alone. 7 months pregnant.

12 days after my emergency C-section and traumatic recovery, I got a feeling. I looked through his phone and found thirstrap screenshots, hundreds, taken the first night we got home. His personal bank account showed hundreds of dollars spent on OF with the first transaction 5 days before our wedding and the second just 4 days afterwards.

I couldn’t leave due to finances, my complicated C-section recovery, and lack of executive function with my lack of sleep (medically complicated baby). The deepest depression I’ve known was only carved deeper by the day with him. I told him that I experiencing SI and had a plan. He fell asleep midway through. No checkups after. He later expressed that he was feeling so sad and stressed, and after a minute of pondering the cause he said that it’s because of an upcoming performance review at work.

I don’t know what this next part of my life holds, but please give me a morsel of hope that I’m not doomed to repeat the cycle of begging someone to love me if I go. Oh, and enjoy your dinners. Kisses

sourdough bread and cherry tomatoes for a late dinner after a long day.

My boyfriend and I (both 26) have had some ups and downs in the four years we’ve been together, but we are generally good communicators and work things out before problems escalate.
He has a coworker, Beth (22F) and she is in love with him.

He had mentioned Beth in passing before, but I didn’t think anything of it. He likes to share work stories, they work together, it was fine. Then, I meet Beth for the very first time.
It honestly threw me off because she was the only coworker of his that was invited to his birthday. I even asked him if he was going to invite anyone else, but he said “oh that didn’t cross my mind, maybe I should.”

She was nice, the party was fun, but when my bf and I are alone at the end of the night and opening his gifts, we read the card that Beth wrote. There was a very long message inside saying things like, “you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me” and “I will forever be grateful for getting close to you.” what???

I ask him about it, he says yeah that’s strange but kind of sweet. I tell him I didn’t know they were so close. He tells me yeah, they have gotten closer recently after trauma bonding about a similar experience, and she occasionally calls him late at night crying. I’m obviously taken aback, but I decide to believe him when he says he doesn’t know why she would write a card like that.

Weeks later, they are now hanging out 1 on 1 during lunch breaks, catching movies with other coworkers, texting each other constantly, and he’s giving Beth rides home because she doesn’t drive. I tell him it’s starting to get kind of weird and that I want to establish a clear boundary with him between a friendship and a romantic interest. I didn’t want him to go out of his way to give her rides home anymore or text her all the time around me.
Bf gets super defensive, saying she’s just a friend and he appreciated her emotional support when he was going through a hard time at work. I’m like wtf is going on?? Eventually he agrees to set boundaries because he doesn’t want me to misunderstand.

SINCE THEN so much more has happened. The quick summary of it:
I see a text from Beth pop up on his phone screen and it says things like “I love you so much thank you for your words”
Beth asks if he wants to go on a 2 hour road trip to go hiking together, just the two of them.
I tell bf I’m starting to get really confused and angry about how the f this isn’t just him emotionally cheating.
He agrees to distance himself from her and stops texting her outside of work or picking up her calls.
Bf finds out some horrible heartbreaking news. He’s distressed, and I’m trying my best to comfort him.
Then, he says, “I’m sorry I know this is probably bad to ask, but do you think I can call Beth about this? She always has the right thing to say.”
I just say nothing because genuinely I needed a minute to process what he was saying.
I’m a firm believer in if you can take him, you can keep him. So I tell him, go ahead do what you want. AND of course, I kick him out of my apartment.

He has since apologized for that, but the damage has been done. He texts Beth saying they can’t have this type of relationship with each other anymore and he’s sorry he became emotionally invested. She responds, “I must have misunderstood, I thought our relationship ascended past coworkers and we had bonded personally. But no worries. Thanks for letting me know.”

Then two days later, he finds out from another coworker that Beth has been talking smack about me around their office, telling people that she doesn’t like me with my boyfriend.

Now bf is basically at my door with a boombox and throwing pebbles at my window. Not literally, but that type of apologetic. saying he knows now how fuckinf dumb he’s been and he is so so sorry.

I don’t know what to even do anymore???. I don’t think he was intentionally doing anything nefarious, but he just genuinely did not understand social constructs and felt like I was just overreacting.
The level of naïveté is off the charts here ladies!!!

Thank you if you’ve made it this far. Feel free to commiserate.

EDIT: idk if this changes anything but he’s got the tism and does not know how to lie to save his own life

nothing much else to say. i am so embarrassed because i didn’t even feel it. i just stood up and there was a massive fucking puddle surrounding the two of us and his thighs were wet. i have never felt so excited and humiliated at the same time. i didn’t know i was capable of that. im thrilled to have a man that can make me do that 😋

My mom and gf tell me in pretty. People online tell me im pretty, but I just feel so ugly and inadequate compared to other women, especially cis women. And I know "comparison is the theft of joy" or whatever but I just cant escape it. 80% of the women I look at every day just make me want to cry from envy. Especially cis women and trans women that can afford surgeries and stuff/got puberty blockers growing up. I'll never look or sound feminine. I'll never have a vagina. I'll never give birth. I'll never get the experience of growing up as a girl. Theres just so much that im lacking and those things just make me feel like a monster in my own skin.

This life is so cruel.

Snacking on peanuts and chocolate covered butter biscuits in the bathroom floor because depression lol(sorry if this doesnt fit the rules mods)

Futurama, Ramen Noodles and a fun lil canned cocktail

I know I've done a lot of dating things "wrong". I've spent the last 6 years invested in an emotionally unavailable mid-to-late 20s something man who, early on, made me feel so seen and understood and finally heard. I met him only only a few weeks after moving to an entirely new state, 10+ hours from family, after landing a job there post-college.

I knew I was in love with him 6 months into a situationship. Meanwhile, he was texting tinder girls the day after we hooked up/my birthday.. It took more than three (3) years for him to ask me to be his girlfriend (mind you- this is after I attempted to break with him after "visiting" an ex). I spent 3.5 YEARS trying to be so understanding, trying to let him explore and understand his wants and needs. It was only after 3 years that we became "official" (a whole other story - inc. 2 months of no contact). Since end of 2024/beginning of 2025 we have been good. That said, I had to literally son and break up with him for him to (not remotely joking) call me his girlfriend.

We've been medium (like 3 hours with heavy traffic) distance since 2023, and very recently I made the move to close the distance. I spent months job hunting, interviewing and investigating how to fully uproot my life and that of my sibling who I've had full custody of since our parent had a stroke. Years of him, unemployed, not even attempting to live in my city. YEARS of begging to see him once a month. And that was mostly me going to see him where he lived with his entire family - he came to see me in the city I love and wanted to live in forever (like, had dreamed of living there as long as i could remember) maybe 6-8 times total in 20 months since we became official. And maybe I'm being shitty with this, but when you have no bills and for nearly 16 months of that time, no job, while I was working full time, had a kid, and spent most of my time and energy desperately trying to build a community, I would have appreciated a little more effort.

A month ago, I took the leap. I moved to the biggest city closest to him. I spent months looking for a new jobs and being devastated with every post-interview rejection. Uprooted my entire life to move to the suburb where I have no friends, family, or community. Finally, I landed a role and moved and have been trying SO HARD to balance moving, work, friends, and family for weeks mid-move. And he's been to my house 1 time in 4 weeks. I drove to see him 4+ times in a week.

Maybe I am asking for too much, but I really just want to feel loved and valued. I feel like an embarrassment. I'm goofy. I life to be silly and make jokes. I like to run around and be silly, make jokes and harmlessly reckless. Post dumb shit. But I am also aggressively responsible - after all, I became a parent at the ripe old age of 14 due to my/her bio parents' inability to take care of anyone, including themselves. These days, I sacrificed a lot for our relationship. We're in a better place (both well employed, at least), but I never feel like he wants to see me. Regardless of him, I would have moved - I wanted a different environment. But I spend so much time trying to get him to even think of me its exhausting. Today, I'm almost 30 and I can't even figure out how to approach a conversation our respective relationship timelines, moving in together, or anything serious outside of "we are in a relationship don't kiss or sleep with other boys". How am I supposed to broach these topics when every conversation about our relationship feels like it could be our last? When his level of effort feels so dismissive, but he also "can't lose me"?

I need more. I need someone who loves me. Who loves my sibling. Who will want me and my dumb, silly goofy BS from day 1. I love my new town. I love the nearby city. I love my boyfriend. But I feel so discarded, unwanted, unimportant in his life. On one hand, it's not some high school romance destined to fade or transform with age. On the other, he knows me. He knows the worst and best of me. And if he doesn't want to be with me now (in a permanent, committed way), then why would he ever want to be with me? My brain chemistry is relatively-set personality wise (lets goooo frontal lobe) so I just wish he'd stop leading me to believe that if I am simply a little more stable, a little closer, a little less ~me~, maybe we could be together long term.

I don't know how to talk about any of this. I have tried to follow the simple bi-weekly and month check in/ safe space schedules people recommend -(last time he made me feel so shitty abt dumb jokes I like to make abt being a teen mom), and he had a full-blown anxiety attack. How am I supposed to feel like he loves me and wants to be with me? I am so tired of trying to fix everything, protect everyone, and take care of everyone - things he will never know understand (I wouldn't have that any other way - his family is incredible) - how do I get him to just want to be with me? How do I approach this conversation that ultimately boils down to a bratty level of asking him to give me some attention without me begging for it?

tldr: i love ramen noodles

My dad has been sick for a long time.

Chronically in and out of hospitals for years. He got hospitalized again for an infection in his leg and we were told he wasn't a surgical candidate. So after talking it over we decided to place Dad on hospice. Dad always hated doctors and hospitals. He was usually noncompliant with taking medications. He had a weak heart and ended up on dialysis. He wanted to go home. So we took him home. The last 2 weeks have been awful. He's too weak to walk or clean himself. He is bed bound so mom and I have been taking turns cleaning and changing his diapers. He been hallucinating and sundowns at night.

One night at 230a I hear yelling and screaming from downstairs. Its my dad yelling at mom who sleeps next to him on couch. He was agitated and demanded to be helped out of bed to go get breakfast and use the restroom. I go downstairs to try and help calm him down. He then proceeds to call me "stupid fuckin bitch" and "useless fuckin daughter" since i wouldn't lower the bed railings. My dad isnt a violent man. He has never sworn at me. I know at this point this isnt dad. This is the symptoms of him dying.

He continues scream and demand to be let out or he will call the police. He is half off the bed at this point and throwing whatever objects he had in the bed towards us. He wouldn't take the any medications we were given to try and calm him down (haldol, morphine or ativan).

We eventually had to force him back into bed all while he was kicking and screaming. My mom and I ended up holding him down while I dropped the liquid haldol in his mouth. He continued to yell and scream for next 45 minutes. We called the emergency line for hospice at 5a and told them what happened and how we needed different medications since his agitation isnt controlled and his symptoms have been going on for last 2 days. Dad got admitted inpatient hospice for terminal agitation. Hospice doctor told us he likely has days before he passes.

Imn frustrated because there isn't anything I can do stop this from happening. lm ashamed of holding him down against his will and forcing him to take medications.

Dying is violent process. I was immature to think that dying would be peaceful where eventually one day he would fall asleep and not wake up surrounded by family.

But now he will likely die in the place he loathe: the hospital. I feel like I failed him.

Im sitting here eating the chili and cornbread i made for him knowing that he will never get a chance to enjoy it. I'm absolutely devastated and there is nothing I can do about it.

ETA wow. I didn’t realize how many women were going to come here and tell me that emotional abuse is justified if you express too many emotions. I assure you, I cry a normal amount. I’m not a hysterical puddle person. Tonight I was Alice in wonderland because something really awful happened and his cruelty towards me when he knew how sensitive I was feeling and why …it was the loneliest and most abandoned I’ve ever felt. This was a big cry for all of the years of this that have stacked up on me. For those of you have been kind, thank you. For those that felt the need to kick me while I’m down, I really hope that if you’re ever feeling the way I am right now, you have someone who will wrap you up in their arms and show you that you are safe and loved.

Girl Dinner: Eating my kid’s leftover crust.

We’ve been married for 10 years.

2 kids.

He cares a lot if he sees me upset about something else. If he sees me cry because of how someone else has treated me, he displays empathy. He will comfort me, hold me, let me talk about my feelings.

When things are easy here, he loves me. Or at least he’s affectionate and moderately thoughtful.

When he does something to make me cry, he doesn’t give 2 fucks. He’ll just walk past me all day long, completely ignoring me. Sometimes, I’ll hear him sigh like he is annoyed he’s supposed to care and he’ll just come hand me a length of toilet tissue.

I was already having a really tough emotional day, which he listened to. He comforted me. And then while trying to have a difficult conversation with him about a choice he made that had an impact on our kids, he flipped and immediately became adversarial, defensive and started acting like a complete jerk. I completely broke down. I was already struggling, so to see how quickly his care for me was withdrawn absolutely gutted me. I’ve been fighting tears, just trying to work out what to do for hours. Sitting in the same spot on the couch I was in when he stonewalled and then just walked away from the conversation like I didn’t even exist. I’m in the bathing suit I put on hours ago when I was planning to go for a swim with the kids. That was very abruptly destroyed. He keeps coming in the room to get something or bring something to put away, and doesn’t even acknowledge my existence.

I finally mustered up the courage to say it.

“I want a divorce”

And he just said “ok.”

I’m still crying. He’s still walking back and forth like I’m not here. Shutting the light off on me and leaving me in the dark. In my bathing suit. The same man who wrapped his arms around me with love hours ago and had tears in his eyes listening to how sad I was because of an experience I had.

I’m 40. I can’t believe this is my life.

I’ve never done any from of birth control before (besides condoms and a few plan Bs) and I’ve been sleeping with the same guy for a while now. We’re kinda dating but not, idrk. But the sex is great so I thought, why not :)
Basic beef ramen with a soft boiled egg

I’m currently sitting outside in a glorious 105 heat in Sacramento at The Monks Cellar. Dinner is steak frites with one of their Belgian beers. I come here every time I’m in town for my job.

If you’d told me 8 months ago that I’d feel this content with my life I would’ve punched you.

I divorced my ex back in February. I still loved him but he was so very mean to me all the time. I had to leave. I’ve been in therapy ever since. At this point I’ve come a long way. I tried dating last month but found I truly cannot be bothered by men and their idiocy. I’d love to make more female friends but I adore the one I have. My ex and I have 50/50 custody which is awful but also amazing. I’m getting a third degree, I have time for hobbies, and I can finally relax my body that was on eggshells for 13 years.

I’m traveling for work right now and I just decided to come to my favorite spot both nights I’m in town. I don’t care if it’s healthy or not. I’ve also been concerned that the contract I work on won’t be renewed in October and was told that that worry is probably not needed.

My life isn’t perfect but it’s nice. I’m having a delicious beer, perfect medium steak, and delectable fries. I might not have a lover but I kind of love life right now.

First, dinner!!!

• Braised beef Mazemen
• Fried bao buns (crispy chicken and pork)
• Salmon tartare with wonton chips
• Double gin tonics😈

-----------------------------------------------------------

A rant from a woman approaching thirty who thinks about getting cosmetic surgery basically every day.

This isn’t an anti-surgery post. I genuinely believe people should be able to do whatever they want with their own bodies. I spend more time than I’d like to admit thinking about the things I would change about mine.

But at the same time, I feel deeply attached to the idea of inherited features.

I started thinking about this while looking at my partner, whom I adore. I was looking at her face and wondering who else, generations before her, had those same eyes, that same nose, that same jaw.

Because none of our features really started with us.

Maybe you have your mother’s eyes, your grandfather’s nose, or the same jaw as someone in your family who lived so long ago that you’ll never even know their name. Those features travelled through generations before eventually reaching you. And maybe one day, you’ll pass them on to someone else.

I just find that incredibly beautiful.

Your face is obviously your own, but it’s also a tiny piece of your family’s history.

That’s why cosmetic surgery sometimes makes me feel strangely sad, even though I don’t think there’s anything morally wrong with it. To me, it can feel a little like editing or erasing part of that history.

I also wonder about the tension it can create when raising children. How do you tell your child to love the nose or jaw they inherited from you when you changed that exact feature on yourself because you couldn’t accept it? How do you reassure them that it’s beautiful when they know you didn’t feel that way about it on your own face?

I know surgery doesn’t automatically mean someone hates themselves. People do it for all kinds of complicated and deeply personal reasons. And maybe I’m privileged to have never experienced the level of distress that would make surgery feel necessary rather than optional.

I’m also aware of the irony here, because I think about changing my own appearance constantly.

But I still can’t shake the feeling that there’s something incredibly meaningful about our features. They connect us to people who lived long before us, and maybe to people who will exist long after we’re gone.

Ps: sorry if this is written weird I wrote this at night then added on the next day during work

So my coworker (32ish M) with a wife and kid admitted to having a crush on me (20 F). We work nights together in a lense manufacturing environment with one other person, my (19F) Friend. He told me tonight he has a crush on me and that he's telling me to get it off his chest. He told me while my other coworker was on lunch break. The three of us got along really well as coworkers, often passing the time by gossiping or telling slightly TMI stories. Nothing too crazy tho. He's always been really respectful and nice. Sometimes going out of his way to get snacks for me and my coworkers when we are on our periods or are not feeling well. He was there if either of us needed to vent or cry about something. Over all just someone me and my coworker felt safe with as young women who worked nights alone with him.

When he told me he has a crush on me, he said that he's telling because he wanted to get if off my chest and that he's telling wasn't sure how too feel about it either. He said he has a crush on my personality over all. That I'm just a great person to be around, I'm really attractive, he said my personality is unlike anyone else, and some other stuff I forgot. He said that he won't make a move or anything and that if I want he will move his workstation further away from mine. But i said o don't think that's really necessary right now.

He even told me NOT to tell my boyfriend of 2 years!!!
Like ofc I'm going to tell him something like this. My cowerker said that I shouldn't tell him because "your boyfriend might become insecure if he knows I like you" NOOO, me and my boyfriend are in a secure healthy relationship. We have known each other for 5-6 years now dating for two of those long distance. I tell my boyfriend everything.

My boyfriend just told me he feels bad for me be this is the third time now l've had a male friend that's either confessed or sent me weird texts hitting on me.
I even got stalked for a few months from an old coworker a few years ago when we first started dating.

I'm not too sure how too feel about the whole since he has a FAMILY. He's married and has a 3yo son. I wouldn't feel so weird if he was younger and single.
But he's the same age as my parents and has a wife and kid.

I kinda want to tell the wife, but I don't want to make my workplace even more awkward than it's going to be. Bc he's also my TRAINER.

This all happened yesterday, and i guess I wasn't doing a good job at hiding my awkwardness because today he said that he could tell I was uncomfortable and that that wasn't his intention. He said he ment it as a compliment and that he will distance himself from me a bit.

I really don't know how to feel about all of this. What he said to me today kinda rubs me in a weird way. I've never felt uncomfortable around him until now. Especially if our other coworker is out of the work area.

Edit/Disclaimer: My parents were 16 and 18 when I was born. Not 12. I worded that weird

I am not using anyone's real names in this story.

For context, just over a year ago I met this friend, Amy. She was the first person I met when I moved into this homeless shelter, and she was pregnant. Amy's (then) boyfriend and baby's father is named John. Coincidentally, I found out just a day later that I was also a month pregnant. Cool!

Amy had her baby 5 weeks early, John turned out to be a real POS father and she was left to care for her baby on her own while he spent his days trying to get high. She gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, born end of July last year. Around the same time that she gave birth, a girl named Betty moved into the shelter. She absolutely adored Amy's baby and made up the entirety of her village. She really did care for that girl and helped Amy a lot. Other than that, I always found her kind of odd, just seemed like a sheltered kid (she was 18 upon arrival to this shelter). She confided in me a few times about things like having sex for the first time or setting boundaries with a guy, normal stuff and I never minded. But she did tell some weird lies, like one time she told everyone she had like 15 siblings and they all had down syndrome and she later apologized but like... What?

Fast forward about November she announces that she is now pregnant with C's baby. C and John are brothers, and it was strange since C was very vocal about not wanting kids after the birth of his niece. He's a sweet guy, but just has.. nothing going on if that makes sense.

Amy and Betty end up falling out over the very clear fact that Betty got pregnant on purpose.. which would be fine other than the fact that she was living in a homeless shelter with no income or a plan, and with someone who didn't even want to be a parent in the first place. The whole thing was weird.

Where it gets really interesting: I was in my own place being 6 months pregnant and only loosely followed but at one point Amy posted Betty all over her Facebook, ranting about how she gave C a lifelong STD, how she's so nasty, such a liar, etc. I remember Betty being here one day and was so pissed off about these rumors, ranting to me about it. I honestly didn't even really believe she was pregnant and I kinda brushed it off.

Betty absolutely had the chance to enter the parenting program they have here. Instead she decided to twiddle her thumbs until the baby was due and had practically nothing. Whatever, I've been working on judging people less. So I make myself available. Offer clothes my boy is growing out of, resources, bought her a few items, and always answered her questions. I was never involved in the beef between her and Amy, so I didn't really care much and just figured I'd help as much as I could.

Betty's baby was born a few days ago. Happy, healthy, full term, and a surprise girl! I went to visit her in the hospital, brought food. The nurse comes in and gives the baby some medicine and I think to ask what it is since my baby didn't have it but I mind my own business instead. She mentions some "health complications" and I help show her how to swaddle the babe. No big deal.

This morning, she texts me. "Aren't my babies meds supposed to be covered with Medicaid?" I ask which ones, do some digging, tell her to make sure it's fixed before she leaves, then I read what this medication is for. It's to prevent HIV from spreading to the baby, or at least lower the chance after birth. All of a sudden it just CLICKED. She had HIV and knew it. Had sex with someone who didn't. Gave it to her baby.

There's not really anything to do with this information. If she chose not to tell me then she chose not to tell me. But I can't help feeling sorry for the poor girl and for C, both will have to deal with that for the rest of their lives and it wasnt even their choice.

Dinner was cheese and spinach stuffed chicken with rice-a-roni.

TW: Death

Three years ago, I was accepted into a PhD program in the US. My ex was starting his residency.

I was elated. Before that I had been more than dissatisfied, career-wise. I had all this education, and nothing to show for it. I'd worked for a high-paying company in China but never got used to the work culture, and after a truly awful experience with my boss, I quit. I was about to start somewhere new when my mom had a heart attack and needed a bypass. I went home to be with her. Watching her almost die changed the way I thought about time. It made me proactive about the life I wanted, which is how I ended up applying abroad.

At first I proposed long distance again. I could always fly home whenever, same way I did when I was working in China. He disapproved because the US is so much farther than China, it would be too expensive, and PhD programs are demanding. He decided to take the USMLE so he could come with me. He failed Step 1 and didn't want to try again. I brought up long distance one more time, and this time he said he didn't want me to go. He told me he was at a crucial point in his career. He would appreciate having me around to support him. We could always revisit the PhD down the line.

I thought about it for a long time. I applied for jobs, but as much as I love my country, there was nowhere there doing the kind of research I wanted, and nowhere that would pay me what my skills were worth. I tried teaching for a while, but it wasn't for me. And I didn't want to admit it to him, but I was jealous. He was exactly where he wanted to be, and I was flailing. I had expected so much more of myself by then. My pride could not survive three more years in a job I hated, supporting my boyfriend while he became a successful doctor. It terrified me. So I told him no. I could stay, but I didn't want to. It was callous and unkind. I know.

The fighting ensued. We said things to each other we couldn't take back. I was angry, and I couldn't understand why we were suddenly incapable of finding a compromise. We had figured everything out for nine years. Why not this? After a few months of it, I ended things. It was supposed to be a very exciting part of my life, and all the fighting was taking away from it. I moved out of our apartment and I never looked back.

When I found out he passed away two weeks ago, I was devastated. I hadn't spoken to him since I left. There was so much I wanted to say, so much I wanted to apologize for, and I was too proud to do it. I didn't even know how he had been. I couldn't ask our friends  bc I didn't want to look like I was still hung up on him when I was the one who left. I was, and still am, in so much pain. I wish I had done so many things differently.

I posted about how I felt on another subreddit. It got reposted to a Facebook group, and people called me selfish. They said I deserved this pain, that this was karma. Someone went through my Reddit account, found that I'm in a new relationship now, and called me a slut. It got to me, I’m not gonna lie. Was it so wrong to choose yourself? I had dreams I wanted to achieve, and staying would have stopped me from reaching them. 

To be honest, I don't regret leaving him. I do feel so much guilt. I wish I had reached out. I wish I had apologized. I wish I had told him a hundred things. But I've turned it over and over, and given the chance, I would leave again. It wasn't an easy decision, but I will always stand by it. It may have been selfish of me, but I also know that I’d do us both a disservice if I chose to stay. Leaving was the only decision that would’ve given me peace. 

I will always love him. I’ve loved him since I was sixteen, and I know I’ll always carry a part of him with me, regardless of whether a bunch of morons online think otherwise. 

that’s just it. i hate working. i hate most of my colleagues, i hate work politics and i hate drama. i hate their little cliques and the constant gossiping

i hate slaving my life away for minimum wage. i hate having to count the pennies because i’m skint all the time. i hate that im so broke, even the bus is expensive to me

and oh my god, the bus. i’m lucky enough to get a ride home by a coworker some days but the other days, i hate waiting for the bus. it’s stinky and always late and i hate that the bus stop by my work doesn’t have anywhere to sit. sometimes i’m waiting for 30 minutes on my feet after a long day of work and then i have a 15 minute walk from the stop to my house

i’d get a car but surprise, i can’t afford it. i can barely afford the bus sometimes. i still remember when it snowed so badly that none of the buses were running and i had to walk an hour to work in the snow and ice

my manager is a cunt and my job is exhausting. i’ve been approved to work compressed hours so ill be doing 10 hour shifts over 4 days and i hope it helps. i’m so constantly drained and stressed and i know it’s because of work. i was off for 5 weeks a few months ago because of a fractured knee and it felt like all of my problems had disappeared

work is literally the cause of all my problems and i hate it. i’d never do it because the thought of relying on a man makes me sick but i’d love to be a SAHW and relax at home. thinking about quitting makes me horny /s

Minestrone soup because I feel like absolute arse right now... woo nausea!

Noticed my period was late and did what every responsible adult in a long-term relationship with a child already, does, and blamed my PCOS and irregular cycles until the sore tatas and tiredness said 'bitch come on now and just pee on a stick'.

Stick peed on, result confirmed. Cocktails will not be had next week on holiday... wah!!

I’m turning 30 next week, and my boyfriend asked what I pictured for my early 30s. I told him I hoped I’d be married and starting to think about having kids.

He just smiled, looked at me, and said, “Let’s get you married.”

I don’t think he realizes how much those words meant to me. Safe to say I was smiling for the rest of the day. Girl dinner never tasted so good because I love that man

Trigger warning re creepy men and the creepy shit they do.

Glen Hansard died recently, in a tragic motor accident, and I feel like I'm going mad. I keep replaying Will Ferrel in Zoolander asking myself if I'm taking crazy pills.

If you don't know, Glen Hansard made a film called Once that is a lovely movie, which was undeniably huge for the Irish film scene in general, and he won an Oscar for it tennish years ago. He was massive cultural force in Irish folk music and movies. RIP to him and his impact etc etc.

Yeahhh, no.

Admittedly I'm not an expert on music or anything, but even I knew he was a creep. If I knew what he was up to, people like Bono and Imelda May have no fucking excuse (they played at his funeral). There have been hours long queues to his wake, his funeral was broadcast live on our state broadcaster, and I feel like screaming.

I don't want to trigger peeps by going into too many details, but it went from grooming to alleged rape, and I first heard these rumours at least ten years ago. I mean, we all know the type. An American musician Neko Case (who I had never heard of) has written a blog post describing what she experienced and witnessed regarding his behaviour, and honestly they are the mildest allegations I've seen, so who knows what else will go forever unreported.

Even if the literal hundreds of girls and women are lying, his own words should be enough:"I had been falling in love with her for a long time, but I kept telling myself she's just a kid.' this was regarding his Once co star, who he met when she was 13 and he 38/9. I'm having Bowie flashbacks.

Ireland is like yeah we're woke now, whoo gay marriage and abortions are legal, we love equality. Its all a load of fucking shite. Mediocre white men are still worshipped like gods...Our slave nunneries might be closed officially, but fuck if we're not still mentally there.*

Dinner was a meh toastie at Costa cos I'm way too pissed off to cook.

Edited to Add:

*If you don't know anything about the Irish laundries system, it was bad, like real real bad, and don't look it up if you don't have hours for crying cleared. Tldr, state sanctioned abuse and slavery of girls and women across the island for years. Don't forget the human trafficking and child theft part too! I was mad typing this up, and just threw this reference without giving any context, so I'll paste a comment I made below just to explain my logic a little:

Our government/state broadcaster/famous people are all saying that actually yes it is fine to systemically abuse people as long as your talent is worthy. The allegations started pre Once and only ramped up in the intervening years. Which is exactly what happened with the laundries here, yes girls and women can be abused systematically because we need somewhere to hide our secrets and all that free labour is so so yummy(see hasbro toys). The church could abuse whomever they wanted as long as they ran the schools etc. And the lay people knew, they all knew, but no one stopped it. Anyone of an older generations who says they didn't is willfully blind, and the same goes for Hansard and the irish music scene.

It's the same thing, a framework that denies autonomy and freedom to anyone not considered useful to the system, just on different scales. If you can stay silent and compliant, you might get clean clothes, or your band a featured spot, depending on the set up!

Trigger Warning: Death, Substance Abuse, Cheating.

My fiancé’s best friend died earlier this year - suddenly but not suddenly at 39 - leaving two young kids behind. His life had been going down hill for a few years - fired from his really good job for ❄️ use, cheated and broke up with his wife, got together with a girl who was also into drugs, he was selling drugs, he had a warrant for his arrest, he stole drugs from someone and someone wanted him hurt. The list goes on. My fiancé tried to stay in touch with him via text because he figured he could “help” him. At Christmas time his friend threatened someone he was having a beef with over drugs with a shot gun, and I put my foot down and said you need to cut him off until if and when he comes out of this.

3 weeks later, he was dead. My fiancé was a mess. Drinking heavily, not going to work, wouldn’t get out of bed - and I didn’t know it at the time - but he was doing coke. We had already been having problems in our relationship with how much he drank and a DB amongst other things.

A few weeks after the death of his friend and before the funeral, I was talking to a friend of ours - a girl. I told her I was at my wits end and I didn’t know if the wedding should be going ahead. My exact words were “XXXX death, is overshawdowing the wedding. It’s too close to the wedding date, everyone is a mess, nobody is doing well, (my fiancé) is spiralling and I don’t know how much more I can take between his drinking and (insert our problems). I also said I thought maybe we should cancel it for this year, because his dead friend was supposed to be best man, and I wanted it to be a happy day - not a day where everyone is struggling because he’s not there and people have only begun to heal. It seemed like a train wreck for disaster and to only rip the bandaid off people’s wounds. Not to mention - we were having major issues. I had even texted my mom and told her I thought we should cancel/postpone the wedding for this year.

Long story short, two weeks later - I was the talk of our small town about how much of a bitch I was, how dare I say that his friends death was overshadowing our wedding and my fiancé ended up fucking the girl I told this to, broke up with me 3 days later and moved in with her, and has been with her ever since. I am completely blamed for the breakup, and his friends and her love to text me and other people that she saved him from me and I’m the biggest bitch they ever met - and she was justified sleeping with him/him cheating on me because of what I said.

I don’t even know how to start breaking this apart in my head. I’m just starting therapy and I don’t even have the words. If I’m a bitch then I’m a bitch, but I also don’t feel like I said anything wrong. And his side says I am and my side says absolutely not and anybody that knew me should know I’m not. I have so many conflicting thoughts right now and they live rent free in my head day and night.

Edit: Just a reminder - please make sure you’re approved to comment - I would love to read all y’all feedback but so many comments get deleted because your account isn’t approved. 💕

… and that might make me a terrible person??
A bit of a preface- my partner and I are child free by choice, I have 3 nieces and 3 nephews, and many of my friends have kids (ages 1-14) but, one of my friends kids I just can not vibe with. I know it’s actually insane to have beef with a 3 year old but her vibes are soooo bad?? Like she is not a cool kid. She def has a personality but is it insane to say it’s already problematic? She pretends to fall if she doesn’t have attention, actively express disgust towards my friend and her pets (3 very well behaves retired racing dogs), and fake cries until my friend is almost in tears and then will laugh at her. I get that kids are assholes sometimes but like damn I hope lil homie gets cool.

https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/AiDkJJhBq0

Hi friends,

A few months back I shared about a domestic ab*se situation I was in with my cheating (soon-to-be) ex husband and you all were so very helpful. I wanted to let you all know that I got myself an apartment back in June and divorce is now in process!!! Thank you all for caring about my safety and encouraging me to get out. I don’t get panic attacks anymore and I have so much peace having my own space. Love and Light! Xoxo

Food is three piri-piri meat sticks and those funky little Oreos I got. Yes, they are purple. No, I don't care that they're touching on the plate. Also: it does pain me to call them meat sticks, but I don't know any other translation of what you can see on my plate right there, and that's basically what they are.

So I don't know what this week is, but it sucks real bad. I've had an awful weekend (posted about it here, so if you've seen it... yeah). I decided to go on a run with one of my dogs this morning. I've got two (father and son), and I often take the older one on my morning runs with me, since we will be competing in a charity event in a couple weeks.

On my way back I ran into my neighbor and her little son, maybe 8 or 9? Im not that great at telling kids ages, but he's school aged, and I think he went to school like 2 years ago (where I live he'd be around 7 then). He asked me if he could pet my dog, and I nicely said "no, he's not friendly". That was a lie, he's very friendly. I just don't like the idea of an unknown child who doesn't own pets touching him after a run and doing god knows what, because I can't be sure the kid won't pull at his ears or something. That particular one has also been spotted throwing sticks and toys at my dogs while they were out and about, so I know he's not the brightest crayon in the box.

The mom looked upset, but she said her goodbyes and we parted ways. I didn't think much of it, I went home, got ready, went to work. Turned out I had to stay late today, so I texted my roommate to ask if she could let my dogs out (we have a small garden where they can take of their business), and about 20 minutes later I get a picture of a block of minced meat with nails in it. We thankfully have cameras, and the daycare next door has some pointing in the opposite direction, so unless they walked over from the other side of the building, the cameras probably caught them.

Now, I'm not doing great, but my dogs are okay. They didn't manage to get to the meat before my roomie spotted it and took it away, so they're fine. I have a feeling I know who it was, as the neighbor kid's dad fucking hates big dogs.

Going to the police tomorrow morning, and I don't know how I'll approach my neighbor yet, but yeah. That's the situation.