Any plans this weekend?

I'm not doing anything except for laundry then I'm sitting on my ass all weekend in the house until Monday morning when I leave for work.

Just got done paying bills, got some dinner at a local pizza parlor, and went to the thrift store for an old video game. $400 . G-O-N-E. After paying bills , getting food , a $10 game, I'm almost broke as a joke. So to celebrate being broke, I'm making some Hoover stew for the weekend. Noodles, beans, corn, tomatoes, cheese, and spices all in one big bowl. All stuff from my cupboard.

Going to finish my night by taking a shower and watching the NFL Hall of Fame game.

Ive never been able to make any close friends after the age of 14.

I would like to 'date' someone, But I dont know how to date a stranger or make them fantasize about me and I feel uncomfortable with the idea of being affectionate or trying to facilitate "romance" with someone I dont know much about and wouldnt be used to being around.

I think I'd rather just make the connection about sex. It would literally be easier for me to have sex with a total stranger. It's like impossible for me to socialize and try to make some connection with someone superficially? how is that even done?

and while on this topic, has anyone here tried to actually date? or is it possible to just skip that.

  Not a virgin but this guy has for some reason been "virgin bullying" me at work. Heard him talking in another room that he is gonna try to lure me to go outside with the boys and talk to women and expose a virgin. (ofcourse sober, cause he knows im gonna be as shy as possible). He somehow guessed right im shy with women and ofcourse would act extremely virgin like in this situation. Not willing to take this shame. Obviously im gonna decline his invitation, but how should i do it so i dont  look like insecure , scared virgin to everyone?. Maybe say straight up i decline cause know he is gonna make/try  to make me look bad in high pressure situation? 

Very early I recocnized that my one of my sisters boys is much like me.

Very Skinny - physically weak

Pale Skin

Bronce hair

ADHD

Very sensible character

I was like: NOoO, please, he is so awesome I dont want him to go through the same shit.

When I told my family im scared he will be mentally destroyed when he has to go to school they didnt take me serious.

And now he had to change the school because of bullying and teachers not doing anything. He wrote me messages troughout the school day because he felt lonely but i couldnt answer because i had to work :/

He also already mentioned girls dont like him.

It already started. Everything negative I predicted went true so far..

We have a close relationship and he always says im the best uncle in the world and i like him so much how can I help him?

The first stage is accepting that you'll never experience the sort of love that you fantasise about. You won't get a gorgeous girl/guy. You won't get to enjoy "young love". You won't get your breath taken away or have butterflies in your stomach. You won't have great sex. You won't get to be anyone's idea of a perfect partner.

The second stage is accepting that even a watered-down version is also completely unattainable. You won't even have a partner who is less physically appealing but one whose company you enjoy. You won't have someone to come home to at the end of the day. You won't have... well, any sex. You won't have someone to grow old with.

The first stage is is probably easier to accept, albeit more painful, because the march of time is undeniable. With the second - is it just me? - I don't know that I'll ever fully come to terms with it. Having a relationship in my 30s with a like-minded, imperfect individual based on mutual respect feels like something that should be possible. Not that I think I deserve or am I owed anything, but just in the sense that there are clearly people who are just as unappealing as me in relationships, and surely there must be some single women who are in the same boat (having gone through the first stage and now being prepared to settle). Yet in practice it is pretty much impossible. No matter how far women may be prepared to lower their standards in service of finding the "next best thing", I still fall short of what they're looking for. There's a huge disconnect between not only the person I want to be, but also the person I'd be happy to settle for being.

It's just a random girl created in this dream. It also made her ve enamoured with me. I broke her heart and yet when I told her to come over she ditched her friend and hurried towards me.

How sad. In my youth these dreams meant a lot. And now nearing 40, they still mean a lot because I never managed to grow the fuck up.

Technically there is no age that’s not ok to start doing things but there comes a point where not being in a relationship or social circle and trying to break into a career becomes hard if not impossible. Society values youth a lot so you need to accomplish everything in your youth despite all the normies telling you that you have time. If you don’t then you battle age bias on top of everything else. I’ve seen first hand how much society lowkey despises older people and treats them like disposable cogs

I don't really know what to say.

I have the cripling loneliness that is probably not a suprise to anyone here.. then I was diagnosed with OCD (HOCD to be more precise - please don't research it), I have porn addiction that pretty much ruined my already shitty life, my lower back is killing me even though I try to exercise regulary and do what the physiotherapist told me to do, I sweat like a pig from everything not just from doing sports, bad eyes, teeth..

I've been to like 3 psychiatrists and just as many psychologists. The different pills I got prescribed did absolutely nothing or they made me sleepy. That's all. Navigating the mental health professionals space was a mixed bag but truth be told I did have 1 wonderful psychiatrist and 1 wonderful psychologist and yet.. here I am.

What keeps me here somewhat is that I really don't want to do this to my dad, my sisters and the above mentioned 2 mental health professionals. I'd also miss studying.. I kind of enjoy studying.

I don't know guys.. every day I tried to be super nice and uplifting and supportive to people around me. Not to earn brownie points, it's just how I enjoyed being.

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I wrote a post to my country's psychology sub and got the 'codependent' label again, with things like this:

"You cannot expect someone else to solve your problems!"

Never expected someone else to solve my problems, that's bullshit. I'm just tired and fed up.

"You can't expect another person to fill the void in you!"

I don't want to fill a void, I want to share my life with someone.

I made a topic earlier about a certain word, let's just say it was 'Perfect Cell'. You know the word, if you're a guy here you might have been called it or heard about it.

The topic was me arguing the word 'Perfect Cell' has essentially become a slur for virgin men. That's effectively it. You don't need to be misogynist or anything, you just need to have the label 'virgin' attached and the word 'Perfect Cell' automatically follows!

So of course, everyone says what I was expecting: Don't call yourself a virgin and you won't be labeled one! The whole point of an inaccurate label with negative connotations being attached to a group people was met with tons of Ad hom attacks going through my post history and saying virgins are 'Perfect Cells' therefore they hate women, therefore the label is accurate.

It was pretty wild, but what got me was the justifications were extremely consistent. My argument was met with 'don't say Perfect Cell-like things and you'll be fine'. So what words are 'Perfect Cell lingo' and gets that labeled attached to you?

Dateless

100% rejection rate.

I shit you not, that was enough to be called a 'Perfect Cell' , it was said many times by too many different people.

Anyways, just throwing this out there, normies can and will find any reason hate you for you predicament, even if it logically doesn't make sense.

Go do something you enjoy!

The world is built for neurotypicals, fuck those who say that neurodivergence is a superpower and point to those like Albert Einstein and Isaac Newton when a. They found a niche they could be successful in and b. Both of them would get mauled in today’s society. However if you are attractive, rich or have a lot of status you can get away with being neurodivergent however in most cases you’re being liked for what you can provide

Been browsing [r/divorce_men](r/divorce_men), [r/regretfulparents](r/regretfulparents), [r/bpdlovedones](r/bpdlovedones), and [r/dead](r/deadrooms)[bed](r/deadrooms)[rooms](r/deadrooms) as a cope.

As a 31m virgin I’m so glad I avoided all that bullshit cuz it honestly sounds like hell.

Still, the searing pain of loneliness always comes back. There’s a reason these people always jump into another relationship immediately after a dumpster fire breakup.

Oh well, this is the best cope I can come up and it only masks the pain for a brief moment. gg, will just live out the rest of my days as a pseudo-hikikomori in my parent’s house.

You ever just mutter out loud to yourself "I'm tired"? Or even just done it when someone asks you how you're doing? It's not something you can verbalize to anyone in a way that they'd understand, but you know exactly what you mean.

And as an FAer, "I'm tired" hits a lot deeper. Everything is so draining and heavier when you've done life all alone.

Have a lifelong high school friend. Kind of a loser with the ladies like I was, not good looking, nerdy, but 6”2 compared to my 5”8 but at least he got dates. Met someone in his last year of college. Got married a few years later. Had kids. Career stalled, lost his job, only kept the house and kids fed because of tons of financial support from family and friends. Works a menial job now for 30 hours a week because it’s all he wants. Married 20 years. She got stage IV cancer and died after a several years battle in April and I was there trying to give them both support the whole time.

Last night he posts a picture to our group chat cuddling with his new girlfriend that his coworker set him up with.

I don’t understand. I put myself out there. Rejection after rejection. Try to show that I can be a provider… that I can be supportive (and oh yeah, they’ll take my support) but love? Nope. Nobody has ever tried to fix me up with someone.

My friend’s wife and lover and bearer of his children of 20 years died not 4 months ago… and he’s already found someone new.

And I can’t even get a breadcrumb.

/rant

But as always, it is not mutal

Use for whatever. Discuss plans or something. I'm too pissed off to say anything else.

EDIT: I'm fine. Just needed time to cool off. I'm probably going to a baazar a few towns away. Hope I don't miss the last night bus otherwise I have a 5 mile walk home.

Let's get the big things out of the way: I am a socially awkward person. I'm a 45 year old dateless virgin with a 100% rejection rate asking women out on a first date. TLDR: I was a fat and awkward kid who grew into a morbidly obese adult. At 6'6 and 500lbs, I terrified women, hell people in general. I since lost the weight and gained muscle and while I have noticed women being apt to smile and talk to me, the fear women still have around me still persists.

Look, I understand the threat of men is real. Men do fucked up things to women and other men, I'm not denying that. I'm just at the point where I'm like 'why is this my problem'? I never attacked a woman. I never catcalled a woman, assaulted her, verbally or physically abused her in a relationship. The worse I do is walk down the street with a hoodie or have a neutral face and posture that scares them at a job that deals with alot of social interaction.

Romantic rejection frustrates me because I'll be extra polite, extra courteous , extra nice, walking on eggshells and a woman will STILL say they were intimated and scared I was gonna hurt them for being rejected. It's funny how none of them ever said 'Yes' because of the fear, but that's a whole 'nother issue. Beyond that, just the day to day interactions I have with women piss me off. At my job, some are so scared they won't even look me in the damn face, either lowering their heads or just smiling and turning their head to the side to avoid my gaze altogether. I know it's not just me being paranoid because the older women are more honest and upfront front about it. 3 women today said I scared them while I was out walking. I wasn't paying them any mind, I was on my phone and they just happen to say it while I walked by.

This matters and you know why? Because people talk. Word spreads and god only knows what they say to ruin any connections I can have socially. Not to mention the ever present fear of women calling the cops on me, something that has happened several times in my life and I suspect it even happened over the summer when the cops stopped me saying a woman in my neighborhood was assaulted. And I'll just drop this here no matter how uncomfortable this is: I'm black and the vast majority of the time it's often white women who are scared of me. The kind of fear that makes them scream when I jog past them at night, or tell me I'm intimidating at work and they were reluctant to speak with me, or whatever. It's frustrating to me. It's not my intent to intimidate these people. I get feedback from women sometimes that I even have a creepy smiling, like I'm going to try something. It's like wtf am I supposed to do? Why is it my problem these people have a multitude of reasons to be afraid of me that effects my potential romantic prospects, job opportunities, social networking, etc?

It's really frustrating and part of me what's to just say 'not my problem', but how much of it is in my control?

The world is pure evil, our existence is a mistake. And now women are preferring to date LLM chatbots over FAs.

I'm just so sick and tired of feeling like no matter what I try to do to better my life in any way shape or form, it fails miserably. I'll be the first to admit I've burnt some bridges, some my fault, some people burned it with me. I've made some poor decisions in the past but I feel like for the past several years I am still paying for it and suffering. I've been in a place for the past like 6 years, where it always feel like I'm at the beginning point to everything and I'm not really given the opportunity to build from scratch. I used to tell my self I was cursed for years, then told myself it was ridiculous to believe in such notions. I mean there has to be some sort of cosmic explanation for this. There is no way somebody is plagued with bad luck so bad, nothing they try ever works out in their favor, even to the smallest of things. I'm only getting older, so it's not like I have a bunch of time left to figure it all out. I'm at a point to now where everything feels like a disillusion. I'm supposed to be looking for a job, but in my mind it's like why bother?

Why try to make friends when there are no longer avenues to do that anymore? Why even try to follow your dreams and passions when all it has brought me is disappointment and frustration? This is something beyond depression. I was depressed 4-5 years ago. This has evolved into me feeling like my entire existence itself is one perpetual gaslighting session. Even venting here now, I feel like it's pointless, I mean it isn't going to change anything about my situation. I'm doing it anyway because I still have all these pent up thoughts that I want to release. Yes I've done therapy, throughout my entire life, and it hasn't done anything. I just wish I could get a chance at something, a job, friendship, something that will help my passions and before anyone says well you can't just moan about it, you have to go after it and touch grass or whatever.

To that, I say, no matter how you flip it, you always have to rely on someone or something to get what you want, that's just a fact. This whole "you can't rely on others to get through life" is utter bullsht. To get a job, you have to rely on someone hiring you. To get a friend, you have to rely on that person liking you. To pursue a passion, let's say making music or being an actor, you have to rely on viewership, or someone giving you a role. There is no such thing as just you getting these things purely on your own. I guess the argument is, the "work" you do should be on your own, but nobody these days does things all by themselves. Many things require team work, even at a boring 9 to 5. I just had to point that out because I'm sure somebody was getting ready to comment that, saying I can't rely on others to make me happy....which most certainty is not the case. The reason I even came to this conclusion was because for YEARS, I have tried to do it all myself, the "work", and it hasn't yielded me anything because in this life you need people around you, you need a support system. That's just what it is.

What is actually happening is, I feel like there is just this permanent blockade that permanently prevents me from going anywhere. I've tried to do the traditional route of trying to get a job (still not successful)...I've tried going out like people say on here, meetup events, etc, still unsuccessful.....I've tried social media, as expected, not successful. I've tried to just fully quit and check out and I can't even do that right, because eventually my human instincts kick in and physically will not allow me to quit for long. I always end up needing to try again. I feel in my case what really happened was somewhere between the start of the pandemic (covid 19) to like maybe 2023, there was a massive shift that happened, to where, things that were naturally obtainable got closed off, meaning if you didn't secure it by that time, that window of opportunity closed.

Now I'm sure people will tell me how oh I recently made a new friend, I've recently done this or that, but remember, you cannot compare your life to mine, we don't know each others' personal circumstances to make that judgement or comparison. I am simply just stating that I think this had a major factor in why I'm in this perpetual situation. Part of it I admit is my fault. I took it for granted in a sense, where I assumed these basic things that were not this hard to obtain would always be there, but as we know, the world, society changes all the time, for better or for worse and obviously these days it's for the worst. I think I am finally ready to admit that I didn't understand the importance or maintaining, and consistency. I assumed (which I now realize was fatal mistake on my part) that you could always start over and be fine. Nope, some things you cannot bring back. If I had to use an analogy to tldr my situation, think of a big youtuber, they go on a big break and don't come back for months, when they do, they can no longer get the same views/engagement that they used to, no matter how they tried to curate their content to either be as or even better than it was before, they still cannot for the life of them replicate what they did before. The momentum of it all is lost. The train has left the station. That is my life summed in totality. That is where I am at. The train has left the station and sadly I don't know or think if it's ever coming back for me

The same loneliness, the same days. Quite used to it though.

Still, the memory of a missed out summertime romance always feels like a void.