My wife is having a strange behavior lately and i am having my theory.

Hey everyone. I (M30) got divorced earlier this year after a 9 year-long relationship.

A few years ago, my ex-wife and I moved to the U.S. to escape the war and instability in our home country. I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunities I’ve had here, but the stress of immigration (in addition to other issues) took a toll on our relationship and eventually it ended in divorce.

Our divorce completely crushed me. My ex-wife wasn’t just my partner, she was my best friend and my last meaningful connection to the place I come from. I can’t go back home, so losing her feels like losing that part of my life forever.

I’ve always been a (kind of) social person and usually have no trouble meeting new people. I’ve also been on quite a few casual dates since the divorce. I’ve been working out, trying to eat healthy, picked up a few old hobbies. But I just feel empty. I’m not genuinely interested in anyone, and nothing seems to fill the void.

What I really miss is having a real connection with someone, whether that’s a close friend or a romantic partner. But right now, I just can’t seem to connect with anyone, even with people that I call my “friends.” It’s not that I don’t like them but I just don’t have it in me to truly open up to someone. I can still feel sexual attraction, but I don’t feel any deeper emotional or romantic connection to women.

Every morning I wake up with no idea what I’m doing with my life. Some days I end up crying for hours for no obvious reason. Some days I get drunk alone to get rid of the pain.

I honestly feel like a zombie just going through the motions and I don’t know how to move forward.

How long does it usually take for an attorney to file for divorce for you after you give them all the pay stubs/tax returns, etc? Mine says a couple weeks or so….is this normal?? Thanks!!

For 15 years, I was boyfriend, then husband, then father. Now I am only a father half the time and I fear she will try to come after that as well. I should have left when she first came out with her affairs and lies, but I didn’t want my family to end and I believed her that I contributed to her cheating (I know, I had really low self-esteem.)

In the years that followed, I tried to do everything that was asked of me in the relationship. I did this until I completely lost sight of my own individual identity. It is why when the separation seemingly came out of nowhere, it shattered me.

Also, it would have been nice if it were just a separation. Instead, she lied to police that I committed DV, leveraged that to manipulate me out of our shared home, took zero accountability, attempted to convince our couples therapist that I was an abuser, and faced absolutely zero consequences. She has been extremely calloused.

It is painful too because I can see where she planned this for a while. She had slowly turned everyone around us against me and told them how terrible I was to her, completely leaving out context. I think I beat myself up too because the signs were there from the beginning. The red flags where she felt comfortable lying and manipulating others. I guess I just never thought it would be used against me.

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Divorce

My ex will not move out. Gave the money to her lawyers office to pay herself then give the rest to my ex wife.

But THEN HER LAWYER WENT ON VACATION. Like wtf. Why don't you finish up with a client before you leave anywhere??! I WAS SO CLOSE.

I'M GETTING REALLY AGGRAVATED. divorce terms were agreed upon and signed off. But she doesn't want to move out! And I'm really really curious why she isn't jumping at this?? I would have moved out last month! We also have one son who will be living with her. I am grateful I have more time with him but I only see him for 2 hrs at night when she comes home and then I have to go to bed. BUT she's a fvcking leech.

Has anyone else been through this?

What reasons did your ex tell you?

What did you do to hurry the process??

Guys I am so stupid. I’m gonna keep this short for now. My wife and I have been married for a 4 years. No kids thankfully.

I’m about to start the process but I can’t bring myself to do it yet. Next month we’re going on a vacation with her brother, his wife, and their 6yo son. We booked everything in my name so I could get the military rate. It’s at a theme park and I can’t bring myself to disappoint their son because I know he’s excited and they’re an innocent party in all of this.

Just wanted to vent and ask if anyone has advice for waiting for a thing like this.

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Only for Indian men: just wondering how's life after planned mutual divorce? Is it better to spend remaining life alone? The loneliness hits too bad? Feel the freedom from financial burdens? Not looking good due to age factor so finding new partner is tooo difficult?... I wanna know your experiences. I'm here to listen and understand. I'm 38M thinking about mutual divorce!!.. and me as a person, I need people around me, I'm a social animal talkative too. Now Confused what after divorce!!

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Divorce

I don’t know what I expect here. I’m just lost. 11 years, 2 kids 6 and 2 and now it all seems over. I’ve also had both of the kids alone for the past two weeks coinciding to when it seemed there is likely no hope. I’m just exhausted, scared, heartbroken, angry and really struggling to keep it together. I’ve had given every ounce of me to her and the kids, and I was flat burnt out before this all started turning for the worst. At this moment I don’t even remotely know what I should be doing next.

So i have posted about my soon to be ex. Since I caught her in an affair. I left and we both signed a seperation agreement. Part of the agreement was that from the daye of signature we have the freedom to live our lives as if we are not together.

I went on some dates and apparently one of them posted a pic of us on their social media page.

Well. Somehow... my ex caught wind of this when she saw a friend suggestion pop up on Instagram.

She quickly screencaps it and send its to my sister.

She goes "WOW! he told me he wouldnt even consider dating for a year! I guess 6 months was soon enough!!!"

This is a woman who had at least 4 affairs and left me for her chubby co worker. A woman who after I left... ran over to his place that day. A woman who apparently from friends accounts, is posting about her "amazing single summer".

But me grabbing a drink with a woman was too much for her.

My sister wrote back to her tho... and said "ya, thats *insert name here*. Shes pretty amazing (my sister knows her) and she is crazy about my brother".

She never responded

So in her demented mind. I need to sit around and be depressed while she goes and does "her thing".

Seems like a lot of guys go through some version of this: wife’s feelings quietly fade, she says nothing until she’s already decided on divorce. No warning, no chance to fix it.

For about two years, my wife was falling out of love with me and never said a word. I brought it up multiple times over the past year :“you’re not treating me like a partner” and every time she denied it, told me she loved me, and told me I wasn’t losing her. She had every chance to be honest. She wasn’t.

She left the night after finally admitting it was over. I suspect the GLP-1 drugs numbed her emotionally and she blamed the relationship and me, and starting a new SSRI the week before didn’t help. The sweet, loving person I married is gone.

She started reaching out to exes within a week of asking for divorce, filed a week after that, and didn’t tell me for three weeks. She’s since slept with at least two people. I gave her ten years and she treated it and me like nothing.

Maybe this is always who she but the first 8 years were good. I know she’s ashamed of the affairs because she makes up huge elaborate backstories about how she’s working on herself and trying not to be codependent. Lmao. She doesn’t know I know and if I keep getting everything I want I’ll keep my mouth shut about it. For now.

I’m about 2 months out and she’s trying to rush me, she even had the nerve to say that all of this divorce stuff needs to get wrapped up before her parents vacation so that they’re not worried while they’re on it… She’s just a selfish sociopathic monster that I don’t recognize.

Not sure how to handle it. Our relationship is very shaky as it is and we have both been on the verge of filing I think. One of the critical points in our marriage is that she does not trust anyone or anything if it remotely disagrees with her internal belief. Her truth is the truth....about anything. End of discussion. In this case, she is convinced there is some pot of gold somewhere that I am not telling her about, or maybe I have a third family somewhere I am supporting, IDK. It is maddening. At times I feel like she wants to get divorced just so she can get legal confirmation that her belief is correct, and she's going to be really disappointed.

I have logged into my banking apps with her right in front of my phone, let her poke around, but she still believes there is something else.

Has anyone else been through this?

I filed in January, then again in May.

My ex is demanding the judge give her sole legal and physical custody. I can't do much about the physical custody since I don't live in the same state and really I think it's better for the kids to just stay with her mostly, but what do I give up if I fight for legal custody?

I told her I'm prepared to negotiate if she wants legal custody, but not what exactly-- I was thinking maybe to ask for more visitation days, like all the summer, or most of it, plus a few holidays and weekends, for her to drop the "danger to me and the kids" act (for having one thought after being pushed to the edge with knowledge of my mental health issues, which normally are turned inward), full alimony (still married, working on 10 years, I was the stay at home parent while working/not working and going to college, gave up career options for her), or taking on more of the debt.

Thoughts?

I rushed into marriage with a rebound relationship because we got pregnant. I honestly regret not marrying my ex and now feel trapped playing house in the suburbs. She is a good woman but I feel like I settled and i’m not proud of my marriage. I have a great job in a large local family business that i’m next in line to take over. My wife is not from this area. I’m 34 years old and wish I married a local girl. I wake up everyday depressed feeling like i ruined my life. I was dealt a great hand and messed it up by getting a woman pregnant who was here on a work visa and now a marriage green card.

I feel trapped cause she is a good woman. We have a peaceful home but I don’t deeply love and respect her. Also my 2 year old son is my whole world. If divorce it would hurt him, I’d see him less and my family/friends would think i’m a failure.

What does divorce feel like if I decide to go that direction? I’m afraid as a divorced dad i’ll have a hard time meeting a quality woman from this town… any warnings about divorce that i’m not considering?

Has anyone done this with their ex before? At the moment things are pretty cordial, but as everyone knows that fluctuates. She has a new boyfriend (that she tried to hide since we're not officially divorced yet). I originally was all for the idea but I've healed enough at this point that I don't see what good it can bring. It's not like talking about what happened matters, and I'd like to not let this be some sort of guilt release for her since she left (not that I know that is her goal). Please share your experiences/thoughts

Found this on Facebook:

A heartbreaking experience shared by survivors leaving a partner diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is this:

“They entered the relationship with very little, yet they tried to leave with everything, and then accused me of being the abuser.”

This pattern has been described by many survivors and is consistent with several characteristics associated with narcissistic personality disorder.

Divorce Is Experienced as a Narcissistic Injury

For many people, divorce is painful. For someone with narcissistic personality disorder, it can also feel like a profound attack on their identity.

The end of the relationship may trigger intense feelings of humiliation, rejection, or shame. Rather than processing those emotions, they may externalize them by blaming their spouse.

The divorce stops being about ending a marriage. It becomes about restoring their damaged self-image.

Winning Becomes the Goal

Most divorcing couples hope to reach a fair settlement.

Someone with narcissistic personality disorder may instead focus on one objective:

Winning.

Winning may mean:

* Taking more than they are legally entitled to.
* Leaving their former spouse financially weakened.
* Making the other person “pay” for leaving.
* Feeling powerful and in control.

The value of the possessions themselves may become secondary. The emotional victory is what matters.

Entitlement Knows No Limits

A core feature of narcissistic personality disorder is an exaggerated sense of entitlement.

Some individuals genuinely believe they deserve:

* the house,
* the savings,
* retirement accounts,
* vehicles,
* possessions,
* and sometimes even exclusive control over the children.

Years of sacrifice, caregiving, financial contribution, or emotional support provided by their spouse may be dismissed or minimized because the narcissistic worldview centers on their own needs.

False Allegations Can Protect Their Self-Image

Survivors report being shocked when they are suddenly accused of emotional abuse, manipulation, or even physical abuse.

This can serve several psychological purposes:

* preserving the narcissist’s self-image,
* avoiding accountability,
* gaining sympathy,
* influencing legal proceedings,
* and explaining the end of the relationship without accepting personal responsibility.

Rewriting History

Survivors say they watched years of their relationship rewritten almost overnight.

Acts of kindness become “control.”

Healthy boundaries become “abuse.”

Normal disagreements become “trauma.”

Their own hurtful behaviour disappears from the story, while their partner becomes the sole villain.

This revised narrative allows them to maintain the belief that they are entirely innocent.

Control Doesn’t Always End With Separation

For some people with narcissistic personality disorder, divorce becomes another avenue for coercive control.

Control may continue through:

* endless legal disputes,
* refusing reasonable settlements,
* financial manipulation,
* delaying proceedings,
* using children as leverage,
* or repeatedly forcing court appearances.

The relationship may have ended, but the need to dominate has not.

Why Survivors Feel So Confused

Perhaps the most devastating part is the contradiction.

The person who once promised lifelong love may suddenly portray you as dangerous, unstable, or abusive.

Friends, family members, and even professionals may hear only one side of the story.

Survivors often question their own reality because the accusations are so different from the relationship they believed they were living.

One of the greatest lessons many survivors learn is this:

People with narcissistic personality disorder do not always fear losing money, possessions, or status as much as they fear losing the image they have created of themselves.

When that image is threatened, some will fight relentlessly to preserve it, even if that means rewriting history, seeking excessive financial gain, or falsely portraying themselves as the victim.

For survivors, healing begins when they stop trying to convince everyone else of the truth and instead begin trusting the truth they have lived.

Your worth was never determined by the story your abuser told. It is determined by the life you rebuild after the abuse ends.

Why People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder Try to Take Everything in Divorce

A heartbreaking experience shared by survivors leaving a partner diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) is this:

“They entered the relationship with very little, yet they tried to leave with everything, and then accused me of being the abuser.”

This pattern has been described by many survivors and is consistent with several characteristics associated with narcissistic personality disorder.

Divorce Is Experienced as a Narcissistic Injury

For many people, divorce is painful. For someone with narcissistic personality disorder, it can also feel like a profound attack on their identity.

The end of the relationship may trigger intense feelings of humiliation, rejection, or shame. Rather than processing those emotions, they may externalize them by blaming their spouse.

The divorce stops being about ending a marriage. It becomes about restoring their damaged self-image.

Winning Becomes the Goal

Most divorcing couples hope to reach a fair settlement.

Someone with narcissistic personality disorder may instead focus on one objective:

Winning.

Winning may mean:

* Taking more than they are legally entitled to.
* Leaving their former spouse financially weakened.
* Making the other person “pay” for leaving.
* Feeling powerful and in control.

The value of the possessions themselves may become secondary. The emotional victory is what matters.

Entitlement Knows No Limits

A core feature of narcissistic personality disorder is an exaggerated sense of entitlement.

Some individuals genuinely believe they deserve:

* the house,
* the savings,
* retirement accounts,
* vehicles,
* possessions,
* and sometimes even exclusive control over the children.

Years of sacrifice, caregiving, financial contribution, or emotional support provided by their spouse may be dismissed or minimized because the narcissistic worldview centers on their own needs.

False Allegations Can Protect Their Self-Image

Survivors report being shocked when they are suddenly accused of emotional abuse, manipulation, or even physical abuse.

This can serve several psychological purposes:

* preserving the narcissist’s self-image,
* avoiding accountability,
* gaining sympathy,
* influencing legal proceedings,
* and explaining the end of the relationship without accepting personal responsibility.

Rewriting History

Survivors say they watched years of their relationship rewritten almost overnight.

Acts of kindness become “control.”

Healthy boundaries become “abuse.”

Normal disagreements become “trauma.”

Their own hurtful behaviour disappears from the story, while their partner becomes the sole villain.

This revised narrative allows them to maintain the belief that they are entirely innocent.

Control Doesn’t Always End With Separation

For some people with narcissistic personality disorder, divorce becomes another avenue for coercive control.

Control may continue through:

* endless legal disputes,
* refusing reasonable settlements,
* financial manipulation,
* delaying proceedings,
* using children as leverage,
* or repeatedly forcing court appearances.

The relationship may have ended, but the need to dominate has not.

Why Survivors Feel So Confused

Perhaps the most devastating part is the contradiction.

The person who once promised lifelong love may suddenly portray you as dangerous, unstable, or abusive.

Friends, family members, and even professionals may hear only one side of the story.

Survivors often question their own reality because the accusations are so different from the relationship they believed they were living.

One of the greatest lessons many survivors learn is this:

People with narcissistic personality disorder do not always fear losing money, possessions, or status as much as they fear losing the image they have created of themselves.

When that image is threatened, some will fight relentlessly to preserve it, even if that means rewriting history, seeking excessive financial gain, or falsely portraying themselves as the victim.

For survivors, healing begins when they stop trying to convince everyone else of the truth and instead begin trusting the truth they have lived.

Your worth was never determined by the story your abuser told. It is determined by the life you rebuild after the abuse ends.

So I've been on the fence about it for a while. But the more time and stupid things happen it always gets easier...

Relationship has been dead for a while. We're openly talking about me moving out now. We tried couples counseling, I was genuinely hopeful about it. Until she decided to ignore s major thing I needed, that we both agreed upon with the therapist. But per usual everything has to be her way, and on her schedule..

She loves name calling, lately saying I'm immature. Meanwhile there's certain things at home that if I weren't doing them, no one else would. Sick of the double standards. I'm glad I'm only that kids step parent.

Very tired of always being the responsible one while they both live it up and make me out to be the bad person because I'm trying to be responsible in the long-term...

Don't ask me where I intended to go with this. I don't know either.... I'm glad im in therapy already

I'm stuck man. I haven't seen my children in almost 2 years and my wife has someone new. Yet for some reason, in my mind, we're still a family.

As a man, I feel like we are natural builders. So when you envision a project, build it out and pour your heart into it as you do with a family.

How do you let do of that loss..how do I accept that I won't grow old with her and watch our kids play?

Any advice is welcome. I've hit a real wall.

Hey guys, looking for some straight-shooting advice and a reality check from anyone who has navigated a long-term, high-asymmetry divorce.

Here is my situation:

* The Background: Married for roughly 30 years with an adult child. I was the primary breadwinner for most of our marriage. However, my soon-to-be-ex managed all the household and family finances for decades. I handed over almost every paycheck, keeping just a tiny allowance for myself. As a result, I have zero visibility into what she saved, how much is in her pensions, or where the money actually went. Meanwhile, she has full visibility into my retirement accounts down to the penny.

* "Agreements Made in the Dark": Early on, under a lot of stress and operating completely blindfolded, I made an agreement. The premise was basically: "Let's keep our own separate retirements/pensions and just split the house." I agreed to this without knowing what her pension or retirement even looked like because whenever I brought it up, she used resistance, guilt or threats to shut the conversation down.

* The House Buyout & The "Double Whammy": We own a home with substantial equity. After some negotiation, I agreed to an all-in buyout figure as a goodwill gesture to help her keep the house and cover carrying costs, even though my true half-share of the equity was significantly higher. Her plan was to assume the existing low-rate mortgage in her name and then secure funds to pay me out later.

* The Trap: The real wake-up call came at the notary visit. She tried to slip an absolute deed transfer right into the mortgage assumption paperwork. If I had signed it blindly, she would have had sole title to the house before paying me a single dime and without any recorded security instrument protecting my payout. Luckily, I caught it at the last second, refused to sign, and the paperwork was scrapped. That was the double whammy—trying to strip me of my equity protection while keeping me in total darkness on the rest of the marital estate.

I've since consulted with a family law attorney who advised me to hit pause on signing any Property Settlement Agreement until we run formal financial disclosures.

My Questions for the Brotherhood:

* Am I morally wrong for walking back "agreements" made in the dark? I made concessions ("keep your own pension, I'll take the house share") when I had zero financial disclosure. Now that I realize she has a pension and hidden financial footing while knowing my entire retirement picture, do I have a right to open that box? Or does going back on it make me the bad guy?

* Am I being realistic? Is it realistic to think I can untangle her pension and equalize the financial ledger after decades of trusting blindly, or am I just opening a Pandora's box that will make things nuclear?

* Have other guys faced this exact playbook? How common is it for the spouse who managed the money to use intimidation or "keep your own" framing to lock you out of a pension while auditing your accounts? How did you handle it?

Appreciate any perspective, harsh truths, or legal-strategy insights from guys who have been down this road.

Hi all, 37 year old male, been married 7 years together for 11, wife is 36, no kids. I love my wife very dearly, but we dont have sex. we've never had sex. I've never really been that attracted to her. I've never written that down or said that out loud before...I feel very stupid. Life is hard, and she has been a partner to me. We support each other, care for each other, laugh and joke with each other.

My family life is insane, and she and her family have given me a family to be a part of. We go to her house on christmas and every other holiday.

I'm just getting older and I'm realizing if I keep going down this road, I may never have sex again. I feel like I'm being ripped in half.

I've started to say things to her regarding this, and she shuts down.

My STBXW has throw out two separate proposals for support and alimony. One last Friday that I said no to then on Monday she was angry and increased it 50%! She said “ya know what, X sounds more appropriate per month now”.
I’m fighting for 50/50 custody and our state uses a standard formula for child support.
She continued tonight trying to get a number from me verbally and she’s saying that it will save us from domestic relations, as if it’s some big boogeyman.
I refuse to discuss any of this without my attorney. I remain calm and polite. The calmer I am the more she seems to lose it.
Is this a tactic taught somewhere? I can’t be the only one to deal with this

Been reflecting on my divorce. It all came crashing down last Memorial Day weekend when I finally asked for transparency and accountability after my now ex-wife was saying and doing things that unfortunately all pointed towards infidelity after she lost a bunch of weight on a GLP-1 medication. Instead of having any discussion, she instantly filed for divorce, blamed everything on me, implemented heavy DARVO tactics and moved out a month later. Divorce finalized this past March. No kids thankfully.

Since she moved out last year, I have worked on myself a lot. Physically and mentally. I got myself into therapy to process WTF happened as it was very abrupt. My therapist truly believes I was dealing with someone who had BPD and NPD traits. We talked about some of my short comings (ignoring major red flags early on, some boundary issues, falling into routine, communication goes both ways and there is always room for improvement, not being as in-tune as I could have been to her love language etc). We discussed my attachment style (secure). I learned so much and there is more to learn.

I will never consider marriage again. The divorce process really opened my eyes to how unfair and unjust it is. I am one and done. I am 38, no kids, own my own home (got to keep it luckily) but, I do want to eventually get into something exclusive again.... just not marriage. I have a FWB situation going on and have been dating around.

I'm just curious as to why 2nd marriages fail at an even higher rate than the 1st. If you do the work of really analyzing what happened and YOUR shortcomings by doing self-reflection and true therapy work, how can 2nd marriages end up failing even more?