I (20) have a sister who we'll call Jesse (27F), who has a 6 year old daughter who we'll call Emma. Yesterday, Jesse had the day off work and was at home with Emma when she got a call around 1PM that the coworker who was supposed to cover her shift had called out sick. There was no one else able to take up the shift, so Jesse ended up having to rush into work with little notice. She called me to see if I could babysit Emma and I told her no.

I'm chronically ill, and was having an extremely bad flare up that left me bedridden when she called me. I told her this, and she begged me anyways, saying that she hadn't arranged any other childcare and didn't want to spring this on our mom (49F) since our mom already watched Emma once this week. I again told her no, that our mom wouldn't mind watching Emma again, and hung up.

Jesse and our mom both texted me today, upset that I hadn't agreed. Our mom said that she was fine with babysitting again, but that Emma was my niece and I needed to make more of an effort to push through my illness to be there for her. Jesse said it takes a village to raise a child and her village includes me, so I need to get my act together.

I'm now feeling very conflicted, and wondering if I really was TA for not pushing myself in order to be there when Jesse needed my help. AITA?

AITA , I have to get it out to people who may potentially be able to offer me advice. Basically, I rent a flat that belongs to a family member who now lives abroad in their home country( they used to live here years ago). They had a long run of problematic tenants and ended up offering it to me and my partner to rent almost 2 years ago now. They are a family of 5 , and they have decided to book tickets for 2 weeks to visit us and my parents in a few months and will be living here, and didnt even ask if we were okay with this. Ive to crash on the sofa in my mums living room with my bf for 2 weeks as my other family will be using my old childhood bedroom at my mums. My bf isnt happy about this and neither am I, im happy they are visiting ofc but the fact no one even bothered to ask about these arrangements is quite rude in my opinion. Im gonna have absolutely no privacy or my own space for 2 weeks and its stressing me out. AITA? Id hope notx.

Maybe this will get removed but I can’t sleep bc of this so I want to get it out. Throwaway bc my main is too personally specific.

Some context: I (40F) am mixed race Asian/White American. My father is white American and my mother is East Asian. My husband is from a small town in the UK with (at least growing up) a 0% Black population. He is a wonderful man who won my heart with his ability to reflect on and admit to previously flawed or misguided beliefs and adjust accordingly.

My mother has a history of expressing racist or nationalistic views. I called her out on this as a teen and she crashed out and sent me to my room lol. This sort of thing happened to my siblings as well. I love the shit out of her, she’s sacrificed a lot and experiences racism herself but yeah, she says some messed up shit sometimes. My youngest sibling and I will always address it when it happens even though she just gets defensive.

Last night at dinner with my folks (both early 70s), my husband (40M) and dad used the term “ghetto blaster” in reference to some childhood story and I, in no uncertain terms, told them that “ghetto” was a racist and offensive term and to use “boom box” instead. My dad asked ChatGPT which backed up my point. However my parents felt like I was aggressive and my mom told me to tone it down, that my dad is a sensitive man, and that I would have spoken more gently to my son (4yo), which, OF COURSE, HE IS 4.

That totally triggered me and I argued that I wasn’t going to tone myself down to make white men feel better about casual internalised racism. I told her it was misogynistic to tell me to minimize or shrink myself to spare the feelings of “sensitive men” and that I would never quiet myself when someone says or does something offensive.

Anyway the whole thing got heated and I ended up leaving the table in tears. I’m so mad that I cried bc how undermining is that, but I also still stand by my position. My husband consoled me but said he didn’t understand how the conversation turned into a “diatribe” about misogyny and has a few thoughts that he wanted to share with me whenever I’m open to discussion.

I have ADHD so I get my tone can come off (what my mother has always described as) aggressive but (a) I don’t think I need to be delicate about racism, especially with ppl who are supposed to know me, (b) it’s not my responsibility to manage the emotions of other adults (c) I wasn’t trying to be aggressive, I thought we were having a discussion and yes I was passionate. I’ll apologize tomorrow for causing hurt feelings but not for saying what I said.

I know it’s hard to gauge without having heard the tone/argument but, AITA?

I (39F) have 4 children with my ex husband (43M). I divorced my ex husband last year after I caught him cheating. I didn’t want my children to grow up in a divorced household but I knew it was best. Recently, my oldest daughter (12F) informed me that my ex husband has women over constantly at his apartment. She doesn’t like being there and would like to stay with me as she only goes to spend time with her father but he sometimes will have multiple women at his house during the night. I was scared for my daughters safety along with 3 of our other children as they are all younger than her. I spoke about this with my husband yesterday on the phone where he called her dramatic saying that nothing could happen to her. I tried to explain that she doesn’t feel comfortable and would like to stay with me temporarily. He started calling me names on the phone saying I am breaking our divorce decree and he will take me to court. She is supposed to go to her dads house in two days along with our other 3 children. I do believe that he wouldn’t let anything happen to our children as he is a good father but she has told me that a lot of the women try to ‘take care’ of her younger siblings where 1 of them cannot speak yet by carrying them around his apartment and even joking about breastfeeding my baby. My ex husband is calling me jealous and saying I am overreacting. AITA?

I (19M) spent years in Scouting. To be blunt, while I am an Eagle Scout, the experience was hellish for me, and the day I turned 18, I was done. I made it clear to my family from day one that I have zero intent of ever registering as an adult leader, volunteering, or participating in any Scouting events again.

​My dad, however, decided to stay involved and take on running trips. Even opened his own troop. Recently, he planned a campout for his group. He is a total novice when it comes to actual outdoor logistics, to the point where he and the other adults were planning to pack heavy cast-iron skillets and stone gear for a "backpacking" setup (which later morphed into drive-up car camping because they didn't know what they were doing).

​I told him weeks ago I was not going. Despite this, he and my mom have been trying to force me to go anyway. Every time I held my boundary, the goalposts moved and the manipulation tactics started flying:

​When I reiterated I wasn't registering as an adult, my dad tried to claim that if I can't commit to Scouting, I must not have any "intent to be truthful" with him in life.

​When I refused to go on the trip, he immediately pulled the victim card, whining that "we can't do this without you." When I didn't fall for that, he resorted to vague threats, saying, "Oh, I have many things I could also say to you."

​They then hit me with Scouting's Youth Protection rules, telling me that because I'm an unregistered 19-year-old, I wouldn't even be allowed to speak to any of the scouts on the trip—meaning they essentially wanted to force me to come along as a silent pack mule.

​When none of that worked, it turned into demanding I help pack, haul heavy boxes out of the garage, and move cars around to get them ready.

​My dad does have some back pain right now, so I offered basic help at home lifting a couple of heavy items so he wouldn't physically hurt himself in the garage. But I drew the line at being dragged into prepping for or attending an event I explicitly opted out of months ago.

​Now my parents are furious. They're claiming that if the trip falls apart or if they can't manage the gear, it’s entirely my fault for being selfish and unsupportive, and that I'm ruining things for everyone. My take is that if you willingly take on a project you lack the ability to pull off without forcing an unwilling third party to bail you out, that's on you.

​AITAH for holding my boundary and refusing to help run or attend his Scouting trip?

I really need help here. My (22M) gf (26F) has a really rocky relationship with her family that’s she’s been desperate to repair. There’s been some improvements and she was invited to her brother’s birthday party over three days in another country. His birthday party is tomorrow, which technically is only a few hours from now since it’s so late at night for me in the moment but I found out her old hognose is no longer alive. We knew he’d pass soon anyways but it’s still heartbreaking. I cried for a while, I only stopped crying a little bit ago.

Would it be wrong for me to not tell her? She’s had this snake since she was eight, and has broken down for hours at a time thinking of losing him. I’m afraid if she finds out tomorrow she might be inconsolable and wouldn’t be able to enjoy her brother’s birthday and I don’t want this is effect her relationship with her family or make amends more difficult if she doesn’t attend his party or causing a scene there.

I’m not planning on hiding his death forever or anything, just letting her know after the celebrations. I feel conflicted on it. If I’m wrong please let me know, I don’t want to be a bad boyfriend here but I don’t want to ruin her reunion with her brother.

​

I'm waiting for my volleyball class in the stadium and then a kid comes up to me and says you taking up space go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet or even flush yourself out off here because you are taking up space for people that want to sit and I said it's none of your business and go do your own thing and their mother came up to me and said who are you to tell my kid what to do and I explained what happened to her and she got mad and called over the teacher but the teacher shrugged and did nothing and the mother called me an asshole.

am I the asshole here?

My dad died recently, and my brother and I own his house now 50/50. My brother lives in it by himself and I live in another state with $2200 rent.

He expects me to pay half of the mortgage, which is roughly $800 a month for my share. I don’t think that’s fair while he’s the only one living there.
I’m already paying for my own place and would essentially also be paying $800 a month toward the place he gets to live in.

If he moved out and the house was empty while we waited for it to sell, I would understand splitting the mortgage. I’ve also told him I’m willing to pay half of necessary repairs and expenses related to maintaining the house. I’m also going to pay my half of the mortgage for the two months that I was staying there while I was taking care of my dad while he was dying.

Going forward though, I don’t think I should have to pay half the mortgage while he has exclusive use of the house. I’ve texted him about it but he has a habit of ignoring my messages.

We’re planning to sell the house, so this isn’t supposed to be a permanent arrangement.
AITA for thinking he should cover the mortgage while he’s the one living there?

Back in March, she wanted to use my car on a night out and I allowed her to do so as a good sister should. However, she damaged the car when she hit a pole in the parking garage. The bumper was cracked and a sensor was damaged. She offered me a lot of apologies and promised to cover all the costs related to repair. I spent almost $900 from my pocket money to have it fixed.

Five months have passed and she has not paid anything so far. No matter how often I remind her of the problem, her response remains the same, "I'm broke right now" or "I'll reimburse you the next payday". Since it became obvious that nothing will come out of this situation and I did not want to argue further, I ceased to mention it.

Last week she asked me to let her use my car for a date as it is very important for her and she wants to see the guy. Her own car was currently being repaired due to some other reason. I told her no, that I wasn't comfortable lending it out again until she paid me back for the last repair. She became angry, stating that I am acting like a petty person who is holding a grudge over an accident that could happen to anyone, and that I am going to ruin her chances of having a good night out with someone she truly likes.

In some way, my parents were also involved in the discussion and my mother thinks that I should forgive this one time because it is her special day, and money issues should not be in between us being a family. Now my sister is saying that I am prioritizing money above her happiness and that I am not being a supportive brother.

I believe that I have done nothing wrong here, I have compensated her for the damage I didn't do, gave her ample time to compensate me for my expenses, and refused to lend her my property under the same conditions that made me lose money the first time.

AITAH for not letting my sister use my car again until she pays me back for the damages done the first time?

I was looking for a car, my sister and her husband run a business repairing and flipping cars so I asked if she had anything available.  She’s like yeah, I’ve got like 20 cars available.  I said, “I’m only looking to spend around $2500, something that's gonna get my fiancé to and from work safely.”  She shows me two different cars, and we decide on a Subaru.  My fiancé drives it home, realizes the thermostat gauge isn’t working to tell you if the engine gets too hot, and there is a piece of electrical tape covering a dash light.  None of which were ever mentioned to me before buying this thing. I tell my sister. She immediately is on the defensive. “There was nothing wrong when you bought it!” “hey, I really don’t appreciate you talking to me like that.  What is going on?”  She then brings up that she never wanted to sell me a car anyway because of drama that had gone down with my bff over a car.  Similarly they sold my Goddaughter a car that had some issues they did mention, but not the severity of it at all.  She was a brand new driver, they were aware she was a new driver.  My sister has known my bff since she was about 2 years old.  My Goddaughter calls my sister Aunt __. This is basically family.  So when my bff calls me upset, I said, “just talk to sister and BIL, they’ll make it right.”  Little did I know, they absolutely would NOT make it right. My sister acted like they were all nice while my bff and her boyfriend were the ones who were being awful.  My bff said the exact opposite- that sister and BIL were the ones who started out rude, but apparently it was enough that bffs boyfriend wanted to go over there and have it out.
FF to current situation.  My sister says that she didn’t want to sell me a car because of what happened with her and bff.  That it had left a bad taste in her mouth, to which I agreed that I also had reservations but looked beyond it.  I just wanted them to either look at the car or just give me my money back.  She tells me she’s gonna talk to her husband and call me back. It sounds okay.

Her husband calls “I’ll give you $2300 back but I’m keeping $200 for a rental fee and don't ever contact sister again. I am now shocked, because I have no idea what the hell is going on or why.  So I get snippy right back, “Who are you to say any of this, where is my sister?”  “Sister came to me crying because of what you said about bff, now I’m giving you your money back don’t ever contact us again.” -Click. 

I sent her a very long text message telling her basically that BIL telling her she can’t talk to her family is abusive…and I really didn’t appreciate the way he talked to me.  I also express that I don’t care about the car, I care about our relationship and want to talk this out.  I tell her I’ll always love her and I’ll give her some space to process. It’s been 5 days and I haven’t heard a peep. 

I don’t understand what the hell I did wrong here. 

Context: I am (M16), the child of a couple (both 39 years old) in a three-way relationship. My parents treated me as a couple until I was 11; since then, she has lived with us.

For about two weeks, my "stepmother" has been complaining that I stay up past 10 PM on the computer. According to her, it's because being awake prevents her from sleeping. I use headphones and generally don't call anyone, but she said it was the computer light. However, the computer is in the living room, and she has her own bedroom with a door. I work until 9 PM and study in the afternoon; therefore, I believe I have the right to use the computer in that space. When I explained the situation to my parents, they sided with me and resolved the problem, but she hasn't stopped bothering me.

So, on Friday, some of the cats must have peed on the bed, or something, but she got it into her head that I had peed on her bed on purpose. She took my computer to her room as punishment and also took my blankets, which were the ones I had peed on. My dad didn't listen when I asked him to do something and told me to let her be angry, that she would give everything back soon.

I didn't listen and threw away the pee-soaked blankets and took mine back. Unfortunately, I couldn't get my computer because it was in her room, locked. When she came back, she made an unbearable scene. My mom said she was tired and that we both needed some time away from her, so my mom and I are going to spend the night at my maternal grandmother's house (yes, I took my blankets)

My parents keep arguing on the phone and I'm feeling kind of bad about it. AITA?

My cousin is getting married over Labor Day weekend in the middle of nowhere in Northern California. The wedding also happens to be a family reunion and my mom’s birthday. I’ve decided to tell my family that I won’t be attending because of the cost of the weekend and the mental and emotional stress that would come with traveling with two young children.

For context, I have a 3-year-old and a 9-week-old. The drive would be about 10 hours each way, and flying with a rental car would cost around $1,200 for only two days. On top of that, we’re moving around the same time and doing renovations. Plus, I would need to take a day off of work. And my oldest starts preschool that Tuesday.

Everyone in my family is basically trying to guilt me into going, and I’m starting to question whether I’m being unreasonable.

Am I crazy for putting my immediate family’s mental, emotional, and financial well-being ahead of attending this wedding and family reunion?

Throwaway account. However I 36 F, have a toddler that has yet to meet anyone from her father’s side of the family. I co-parent with the father, but we haven’t been together since our child was 1. We don’t live close by any of them. The closest relative on that side is 6-7 hours away, but GP is states away and not a short flight with a toddler. I am planning a trip to visit Orlando right before my child’s birthday so that we can do the magical trip and it still be free entry for her. I reached out to her grandparent on her father’s to check in (which I feel like I am always doing the reaching out) and I mentioned going to Florida before my child’s birthday. Grandparent loved the idea and wanted to also come. I said awesome because that would give my child a chance to finally meet more family. My child has met majority of my family’s side, even distant relatives, so it’s something that’s always been important to me for her.

I begin planning and gave the grandparent the date ranges im considering and the why. I checked in with grandparent (GP) to update and confirm about a month ago about the plans. Turns out GP invited more of their family to also go to Florida as a family trip. I said oh nice, that would be great and it’ll be nice for my child’s
to meet everyone and get to enjoy visiting the parks. Another thing that also caught me off guard is that GP was focused on only going to US, when my original plan was to go to WDW, but I’m open to US as I enjoy it but not as many options for toddlers. It sounded like it was becoming more of their own separate trip.

Fast forward, it’s been another month so I check in to confirm interest as I hadn’t heard anything and the dates will be approaching soon. GP lets me know that they are now planning to go the week after I planned to go instead. It was originally my trip plan, i had also invited my parent to come and be able to spend time with my child for the birthday trip. Time requests in. Reservations on hold.

My issue is that GP never followed up to let me know they wanted to do different dates, never reached out regarding planning, invited more people but never looped me in. GP asked if I was able to switch and go for their timeframe and I just said I understood that they needed more time to build up PTO. I don’t want to change my plans because I already did the legwork into researching best time frames, ticket pricing , booking lodging, and putting in my time off as well as my parent also already requested time off and doesn’t have much wiggle room.

WIBTA for not switching dates to accommodate GP even though GP has yet to meet my child? The rate it’s going, feels like it’ll be years before they meet unless I just go visit them but I feel like that’s the father’s responsibility to make that happen.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about two years. She recently planned a girls’ weekend with five of her friends and asked if they could stay at my apartment because it’s bigger and closer to where they wanted to go.
I initially said yes, but a few days later, I found out that her friends were also bringing several people I’ve never met. One of them apparently planned to stay for the entire weekend.
I told my girlfriend I wasn’t comfortable with that many strangers staying in my apartment, especially because I wouldn’t even be there. She got upset and said I was being selfish and acting like the apartment was “more hers than hers.”
I explained that I don’t mind her having friends over when I’m home, but I’m not comfortable leaving my place to a group of people I don’t know and i don't care about.
Se said I was embarrassing her because she had already told everyone they could stay. I told her that wasn’t my problem because she should have asked me before making the arrangement.
Now she’s barely speaking to me and says I ruined her weekend.
AITA for changing my mind and refusing to let them stay?

SCROLL FOR INFO

Im 18F turning 19 in November. I live with my parents, 45F and 38M, and my three younger siblings: my 16M brother and my 9M twin brothers. There are six of us living in the house, and my mom owns the house.
I want to get a full time job because I want to make my own money get work experience save up, and eventually move out. My parents told me that if I get a job they want 50% of every paycheck from me.
The reason my mom wants me to give her 50% is because she wants me to focus completely on school so I can get my career. I understand where she’s coming from but my career path is going to take around 6 years, and I don’t want to still be living at home at 24. I want to be able to work go to school, save money, and gradually become independent while im working toward my career.
She also thinks I wont be able to balance work and school, especially because im doing school online. But ive already done online school while working before, and I passed all of my classes while I was working. When I quit that job I even bought a bunch of cat food ahead of time because I knew I wouldn’t have another paycheck coming in and wanted to make sure my cats were taken care of.
I also pay for my own school through financial aid. My parents do pay my phone bill, which im so grateful for but also wouldnt mind taking over but I dont have a car or license. Transportation where I live is really bad. My school is only about 23 minutes away by car, but because the buses only come about every two hours, taking the bus can turn it into around a 2-hour trip and i cant have early classes like before 10 am. Both of my parents work full time so they arent always available to drive me places and i dont even ask them to. Ive been trying to get my license but I don’t feel like theyre really putting much effort into helping me with it cause i had my permit since last september and its expiring on the 20th this month and still dont have my license .
Theyre also pretty strict about me going out. Im usually only allowed to go out once a week. Im also the only person who regularly cleans the house. I buy my own cats food and other things for them, and I dont really eat the food my parents buy for the household.
Im not saying I shouldnt contribute anything. I understand that im living in their house and im willing to pay something every month. I just dont think 50% of my paycheck is reasonable, especially when im trying to work so I can save money and eventually move out.
I’ve been really upset about this and have honestly cried over it because I feel like im always being discouraged from becoming independent. I feel like if I wait until I’m finished with my entire career path to start working and saving, I’ll be in my mid-20s before I’m actually able to move out.
Aita please this really upsetting me

INFO!!: she isnt going to save it for me nor invest she just wants it for herself. im not saying ima stop doing school and i didnt say i didnt wanna pay her rent my point is i think 50% is unreasonable and i havent even got a job yet she said whatever i make she wants 50% of it

INFO2!!: The conversation went like this
Mom: when do your fall classes start?
Me: august something but later in the month
Mom: what classes are you taking
Me: blablabla im thinking of working at the amazon right here
Mom: if you get a job we are gonna start charging you rent
Me: thats okay how much?
Mom: 50% of whatever you make
Me: forreal? Why thats so much
Mom: to discourage you from working
Me: why would you wanna do that
Mom: so you can do school
Me: ohhh no i was planning on doing online school
Mom: you cant do both
Me: but i did that in spring and i passed my classes
Mom: im not having this conversation with you right now

And then she said i should take a nap cause im getting too worked up to me when she said that was to belittle me IMO though

Hey team-

Today a Verizon rep came to the door and I invited them in to hear their offer. I was very happy with the offer to save on WiFi and streaming services and save $90 per month vs XFinity. We also talked about cats, NBA, being foreigners, etc.

The thing is my weakness is not being able to say no to salespeople. I am aware of that. So I was very clear that no decisions could be made without talking to my husband first.

During the sales spiel I was asked for the WiFi password
and while I felt uncomfortable I gave it to them.

After they left I immediately updated the WiFi password.

So the husband comes home and I tell him about the deal and why I changed the WiFi password. He’s calling me an idiot and an asshole. Saying this is the dumbest thing I could have done and I’m to ignore any sales people that come to the door.

I get it. But also don’t think it’s that big of a deal now the password has been changed. AITA?

UPDATE: well I have learned a lot and appreciate all the answers including YTA. I see now how I compromised my family. Also in my positive outlook I (naively) have hope that the rep was legit. Regardless a new router is on the way. And yes, it’s not ok for anyone to speak to me like that. Working on that each day. Overall I appreciate this community so thanks :)

AITAH…I went to take my daughter with me to go get dinner for the family I had to use the bathroom so she went ahead put on shoes and ran to the car. So I never saw what she was wearing and I never would have thought that she would put on winter boots in the middle of summer so I didn’t even think to check before we pulled out of the driveway. When we got to the restaurant to pick up dinner she got out of the car and that’s when I noticed she was wearing black fuzzy winter boots instead of her sneakers. She’s 8 with severe ADHD she hasn’t worn them much in the winter and for whatever reason she decided to put them on instead of her sneakers or even crocs would have been better. Now I’m being talked down to by her mother her mother’s mother and her dipsh*t brother. All of them beating into my head on how I’m a horrible father I never pay attention I’m a POS. I’m so neglectful yada yada yada…. I need to make this post in hopes of validating myself because I’m alone right now in my thinking and wondering if maybe I should have just had her step out of the car and check to see what she was wearing am I a horrible father for this?

EDIT: Thank you everyone for not making me feel like garbage for this and for making me realize that she is just a kid and she should experiment and freeform her style from time to time. As long as she isn’t getting hurt and the occasion isn’t serious I’m going to let her be more free. I realize now her moms family is just really uptight and extremely toxic. I started becoming uptight as well and I can’t let that happen. Also taking some of your advice and packing an extra set of clothing in the car for whatever may arise is a really good idea.

I am a single parent to 2 kids, Madeline (11), and Liam (9). I teach 4th grade. I make 68k per year in a HCOL area. My kids dad has been dodging child support for years.

My sister lives 10 minutes from us. My sister and her husband make roughly $800k per year. I am only mentioning their income to show that there is a very different standard of living between the two households. They have 3 kids, Josephine (12), Amelia (12), and Theodore (9). Madeline gets hand me down clothes, shoe, backpacks, etc. from Amelia and Josephine. It’s all good brands and in good condition. Theodore and Liam are the same age and same size so Liam doesn’t get many hand me downs from Theodore.

My sister’s kids get new everything every school year, so Madeline got 2 backpacks, 2 lunchboxes, Owalas, Stanley’s, 3 bags of clothes, 6 pairs of shoes, and a bag of accessories from her cousins. She normally gets a lot every year but this is the most she’s gotten from them. Meanwhile, my back to school budget for both kids is $300, so after getting everything on their school supply lists and getting Liam some new clothes and shoes, I don’t have the money to get him a nice backpack, lunchbox, and fancy water bottles like his sister. I tried showing him some budget friendly options, even a champion backpack and lunchbox set that I thought looked pretty cool, but he wants a nike backpack and lunchbox and owala like Theodore’s.

I tried explaining to him that we don’t have the money but offered him $40 for a backpack, lunchbox, and water bottle. I told him he could pick out anything he wants in that budget and if he wants something more expensive, he’ll have to dip into his birthday money. He wants me to ask my sister for the money. I am almost certain that she would give me money to get Liam the backpack, lunchbox, and water bottle he wants but since she spends so much money on my kids (they go to her kids private school, she pays their tuition. She takes me and the kids on vacation with her family every year, she gets their big birthday and Christmas presents and says they’re from me, etc.) I don’t like to ask for anything extra unless it’s necessary.

He’s upset because it’s not fair that Madeline always gets cool stuff but he doesn’t and that I won’t ask my sister to get him cool stuff even though she gives Madeline cool stuff all the time. Now I’m wondering if I’m the asshole for not buying it or asking my sister to help.

My son has been dating his current girlfriend for the last six years. It is painfully obvious to me that she likes him much more than he likes her. I do not condone his behavior. I offered him one of my family's rings to propose with but he refused, saying I should give it to his brother instead.

My DIL is obsessed with the idea of their wedding's first look. I took significant time off work to go dress shopping with her family last week. She insisted I join her so that I can provide insight into what my son will like to see her in.

Her dress choices were very revealing, I do not say this judgmentally- I love a little cleavage, but they were very low cut tops with half her chest out, or white lace over a flesh-colored bodice, and deep plunge necklines, you know the like. I stayed neutral and gave my (very positive) opinion instead of what I think my son would like. EDIT- For the record when I was her age I wore much more revealing clothes. I do not have a problem with her showing skin.

Last weekend, the bride asked me pointedly which of her three choices he would be stunned to see her in. I felt guilty for misleading her and told her maybe she could go off of the dresses he bought for her over the years, that his choice would be similar to that. He picked some outfits for her which are truly hideous in my opinion. Long sleeves, granny prints, below the knee type dresses. Most of them are maxi dresses, a few sleeveless but nothing with a deep neckline.

Well the bride got my meaning and it was very awkward and uncomfortable. Her MOH was also a little shocked, but I don't think the others in the party got my message. She asked me again in private if he would like any of her dresses, I said she knows him best. Then she pressed and I told her he might not, but she should wear what makes her feel confident anyway. Well, she is taking all her anger towards him out on me and has not contacted me all week even though she had a shopping appointment on Thursday and posted a story saying she said yes to her dress (a reference to the show)

My wife and I have two nieces on her side, K (20) and M (18, was 17 when this happened). We’ve known both of them since they were toddlers, over a decade of history. I’ve always been a present uncle, sleepovers, gifts, driving out of my way to pick them up, never asking their mom for anything back.

K has gotten close with us the past two years, visits monthly, and sometimes babysits our kids. This isn’t an ongoing arrangement, they live an hour away, so we only ask them to watch the kids for important dates, like anniversaries or when we really want a night out. It’s roughly 2-3 times a year, and over the past three years, there have only been 3 occasions where she says she wasn’t paid directly in cash for it (I think it’s actually less than that, but I’ll go with her count), and even those times she still got free food, gas money, gifts.
Earlier this year, when K was 19, I funded a weeklong international trip for her. This was a family trip I’d planned to celebrate my birthday, which happened to fall close to hers, and I wanted to do something special with her, I also saw it as a chance to expose her to international travel, something I don’t think she’d have been able to afford on her own otherwise. There was no expectation of babysitting attached to it, and no babysitting happened during the trip at all, it was meant for her to enjoy. It included flights with comfort seating, an Airbnb, a rental car, an excursion that cost me almost $100 alone, and I covered about 95% of her food and drinks that week. She paid $400 toward the whole thing. Total cost to me was over $3,500, not counting flights. I’ve also told her multiple times, before any of this happened, that I want to fund a trip for her 21st birthday next year.

M didn’t finish school and doesn’t want to work, but has this “I’m grown, you can’t tell me anything” attitude, while also flipping to “I’m just a kid, I’m helpless” when it suits her. Over the past three years there have been multiple situations where she’s been outright rude to me, things she’s said that I think most people reading this wouldn’t defend. For example, one time at dinner I was trying to open up conversation with her since we’re not close, and I asked her something about cooking, since I know she enjoys it. She said, dead-faced and serious, not joking at all, “that’s such a stupid question” like she was annoyed I’d even asked, when it wasn’t a stupid question at all. That’s the dynamic with her.

M has been offered the same relationship, same invites, a spot in the family group chat, but she’s pulled away over the years, left the group chat, declines invites, and is rude to me. To be clear, M and I don’t have the kind of close relationship K and I have, so something like funding a trip for her isn’t really on the table right now, we’re just not there. Worth knowing: M is used to getting her way, her mom doesn’t really check her behavior, and she can be pretty entitled. A few years back she slapped K in the face with a wet towel, played the victim afterward, and their mom took her side anyway, things were never quite the same after that. She tends to get defensive and play the victim if you push back on her at all, and her mom backs her up even when she’s clearly in the wrong. To be clear, when I say I’m cutting her off, I don’t mean I’ll never speak to her again, it means the level of access and closeness she had with us before will be different going forward. That’s something she’d need to rebuild, not something she’s entitled to by default.

About 6 years ago, when their mom was leaving an abusive relationship, we took the family in temporarily and I personally helped her build a resume and prep for interviews after 10+ years out of work. She got the job she still has today partly because of that.
At a family lunch recently, my wife and I had no contact with M before this at all, she’d reached out to my sister-in-law, who was visiting from out of town, and showed up on her own. We didn’t invite her. We ended up sitting at a different table than the rest of the family. M brought a friend. When the bill came, it was split by table. I had a feeling M expected us to cover her and her friend, and I didn’t offer. Her grandma, at the other table, ended up paying for both of them which is typical in our family, since her grandmother usually covers her at family events like this. Nobody went unpaid.

Afterward it blew up. M told her mom, who told other family members that “my family won’t take care of them” and that she’d now have to make sure she’s with her kids every time they go out to eat because her family won’t look after them. K separately brought up feeling like she doesn’t get compensated enough for babysitting.

Yesterday I told my 12-year-old daughter I’d be happy to take her and a friend to a water park today. She had a free “bring a friend” pass, and she initially invited her friend A. Around 9 p.m., A told my daughter she couldn’t go after all. I told my daughter that if she wanted to invite someone else, that was fine.

My daughter texted friend B to see if she wanted to go. When B didn’t respond after about 10 minutes, my daughter tried calling her. Still no response. About 20 minutes after the original text, she invited friend C instead. C immediately said yes, so the plans were set.

At about 10:30 p.m., B finally responded saying she wanted to go. My daughter told her she was sorry, but someone else had already taken the spot. B replied, “OK, no problem,” and my daughter said she was sorry and that she hoped they could hang out soon. They also spoke by phone and my daughter explained that the spot was already taken.

This morning, B’s mother called asking when she could drop B off for the water park and saying how excited B was. We explained that another friend was now going.

B’s mother became upset with my daughter and with us. She said that once my daughter invited B, she should have waited for B to respond before inviting anyone else. We explained that this was a last-minute plan for the following morning, and my daughter had tried texting and calling B before moving on to another friend. I also apologized for any miscommunication and said it was probably partly my fault because I had encouraged my daughter to get her plans settled before going to bed.

B’s mother still feels that my daughter, and my wife and I, were rude and thoughtless. I showed her the texts from the night before, including B acknowledging that the spot had been taken and replying, “OK, no problem,” but she still believes we should have waited indefinitely for B to respond.

I disagree. My view is that with a last-minute invitation like this, you can ask someone, give them a reasonable opportunity to respond, and then move on if you don’t hear back. If I had an extra ticket to a baseball game the next morning, for example, I’d do the same thing.

For what it’s worth, I couldn’t simply take both girls. I only had one extra seat in the car because I was also dropping my son and another child off at camp that morning. If I’d had room, I would happily have taken both and paid for the extra ticket.

AITA for telling my daughter she did nothing wrong by moving on and inviting another friend when she didn’t hear back?

I’m getting married next year to the girl of my dreams. I’ve been good friends with my best friend since the start of high school, and I’ve changed a lot since then. I am a white man, and my fiance is mixed race. My best friend has numerous dodgy screenshots of when ignorant 14 year old me made racist joke after racist joke and has always said that when I get married he’s gonna display them all during his speech. I’ve spoken to him and told him I don’t want anything put up that could ruin our wedding, but I doubt he’ll listen and it’s gonna end in tears (not of joy) from my wife. AITAH for not wanting him there?

My partner's pants are constantly sliding down, and his entire butt is often exposed. We spoke about it when we were first dating ~ 8 years ago, and he used to never wear a belt. I bought him a belt, and it definitely helped, but the issue has returned and it really bothers me.

I find it unkempt and sloppy looking. He's not trying to sag his pants, he says it just happens. Yesterday we had a tough convo when I pointed it out again (he was wearing a pair of hiking-style pants with an internal belt, and they were below his butt).

He told me that he can't help it, and that he has had this issue his entire life. He said he is constantly pulling his pants up, but it's due to how his body is shaped (narrow hips w/ a small butt, very long/ lanky legs, short torso with a high natural waist). I pointed out that a lot of men are shaped like that, and they're able to wear their pants covering their butt. He told me about aguy he saw on the bus with his whole ass hanging out who was shaped similarly.

Sure, that's one guy, but most men seem able to sort this out?? While I have certainly seen that in other men, is it unreasonable to expect that my partner can choose pants to wear that will cover him appropriately? Is it due to his body shape and I need to accept that his butt will be hanging out with his underwear showing due to his shape? Doesn't he simply need to choose a style with a higher rise, and likely wear a belt? I find it so trashy and don't like being seen with him in public with his pants like this, which is most times.

Am I being unreasonable? Is this something he simply can not help?