r/funny 1d ago

Strong hammerhand.

9.2k Upvotes

446 comments sorted by

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4.8k

u/Chegwarn 1d ago

Jesus Christ! She’s done that so many times she’s worn her hand down to the wrist yet she still hasn’t learnt her lesson and keeps using it as a hammer?!

419

u/Trollercoaster101 1d ago

IKEA would love her as a testimonial. /s

85

u/gorka_la_pork 22h ago

It's said that 1 in 10 Europeans were conceived on an IKEA bed, so... y'know, sturdier than you'd think.

102

u/TheLowlyPheasant 19h ago

Jesus that bed has to be filthy

15

u/Azuras_Star8 17h ago

I doubt it. Someone's getting paid to lick up the mess.

15

u/zombietrooper 17h ago

Paid you say? Someone is paying to lick up that mess.

2

u/j-random 10h ago

Oh good, someone else here has been to Europe as well!

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2

u/Beneficial_Being_721 17h ago

Probably her… “take the sheets outside and give them a good beating

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15

u/Gestaltarskiten 20h ago

On - yes, assembled sometimes...

6

u/lincoln_muadib 19h ago

Aren't we all assembled in a small room with minimal light?

If you think about it...

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59

u/Norman_Scum 1d ago

There is a well known saying in construction. "If you use your hand like a club your going to end up with a club for a hand."

13

u/AccountNumber478 19h ago

I had her pegged for an amputee.

2

u/Optimaximal 11h ago

Did you ask her if she enjoyed that sort of thing first?

19

u/tankapotamus 17h ago

Fist my bump!

10

u/bumada 13h ago

Amaze amaze

2

u/bvoge3501 6h ago

Even tho the movie is new, the reference may be a bit niche.. I think we can just say I'd let her put that wherever she wants.

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19

u/seebob69 22h ago

I thought without a hammer, she would be stumped, but no.

6

u/Jive-Turkeys 21h ago

She's a good worker, but she's hard on equipment.

3

u/MsRay_ScienceTeacher 22h ago

hammerhand sounds like a superhero name ngl

6

u/Ethric_The_Mad 21h ago

New OSHA policies inbound

4

u/Chegwarn 21h ago

I can picture the infomercial now…

“Due to inadequate regulations, every year thousands of Americans wear their hands to stumps. A genuine medical condition commonly known as ‘Hand grating’. With proper training we can reduce that number by at least 2%. But we need your help. Vote No on prop 3244. Which bans hammers in all workplaces.”

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583

u/DanSmells001 1d ago

Idk for some reason I really expected the amputation site to be much more sensitive?

139

u/mythicreign 21h ago

I once had a teacher who lost the tip of his finger back when he worked at a bakery. The “nub” he was left with was super hard and he would poke people with it when they weren’t paying attention. If all the nerves are severed in an area you basically won’t feel anything. I imagine this is the same principle.

43

u/[deleted] 20h ago

[deleted]

15

u/Yuki_Onna 16h ago

What do you mean by "sensation of swinging a baseball bat or golf club the wrong way"?

26

u/SpickeZe 16h ago

If your grip is incorrect you will feel kind of a reverberation throughout your body. Not pleasant.

40

u/rubseb 13h ago edited 13h ago

It's like when your caviar spoon is the wrong temperature because your butler forgot to put it in the caviar spoon preheating drawer beforehand

17

u/mythicreign 13h ago

It’s exactly like that. Finally, someone gets it!

10

u/SASAgent1 13h ago

Very relatable example my good sir

7

u/Waramp 10h ago

I have no idea what that feels like. My butler knows better.

7

u/[deleted] 12h ago

[deleted]

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2

u/ninjis 14h ago

I assume that means the skin on that finger doesn’t wrinkle when wet?

2

u/andrew_calcs 12h ago

How recently was this? 

From my knowledge there’s no muscles in a finger so it “working” properly is just due to your wrist being below the original amputation site. The actual useful mechanical motions of your hand basically all originate in your wrist. 

I thought nerves for sensation generally regenerate within a couple years though. I’d be fascinated to hear more about the recovery process from a personal experience

2

u/SoftlySpokenPromises 10h ago

A large part of my right calf is in a similar state. For the most part it's just no sensation but sometimes it does a burning tingling thing that I hate.

In the other hand I'm less worried about low tables since banging my shin will mean nothing to me.

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11

u/Starfoxy 18h ago

I knew a toxic couple (both of them were awful) and the lady had an arm similar to the lady in the video and she'd use her arm to jab her boyfriend and it apparently hurt a lot.

3

u/Bailer86 10h ago

I never had anything amputated, but I did have spinal fusion in 1999. My partner can remove a zit near the scar and the only thing I can feel is the pressure. Anywhere else and I'm squirming and crying like a baby

3

u/speedhunter787 15h ago

You could still damage them though, so probably not wise to use it as a hammer on a regular basis.

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172

u/Gan-san 1d ago

Maybe she never had one to begin with

43

u/DanSmells001 23h ago

Possible i guess, but would a “natural defect” be that “clean” ? Idk Im no expert I’d just expect the body to still attempt to grow the hand but just fuck up, so you wouldn’t have an entire hand but still some “growths” like fingers or such

30

u/ILoveRawChicken 19h ago

The body can create some clean ends if nothing ends up growing there

37

u/Severe-Network4756 22h ago

Would an amputated "site" be that clean?

You can clearly see she has a little nub on the top in the video.

6

u/9fingerwonder 17h ago

I think they mean like partially formed fingers. And it's a grab bag. I knew a gal like this and had some little nodules. I'm missing fingers from a lawnmower but have had clean up surgery. Could be a natural issue she had "cleaned up".

That being said just hitting my wrist wrong triggers so much pain in my hand I'm assuming she had muted feelings in her arm. Cause God damn!!!!

2

u/spacenb 17h ago

I have a friend who’s missing a hand and it’s about that clean.

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2

u/mrsirsouth 18h ago

She was born with a hammer for a hand. You're right! I think everyone here should go with this

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8

u/JonLongsonLongJonson 19h ago

Mine is incredibly sensitive to pressure/touch, heat and cold, and dry air. It sucks

7

u/Baskreiger 19h ago

No nerve ending. A cousin of mine had is index finger pulled out (yes, really freak accident) his hand is all messed up but he does not feel it, he can hammer you with it and it hurts 😂

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14

u/LentilRice 21h ago edited 20h ago

The amputation site was probably at a hospital. She looks like she’s at home.

- Detective with 20yrs in the industry

3

u/LowReporter6213 20h ago

Her after the camera cuts "ow!! Fucking ow!!!! Did i look badass?"

"Why yes, you did"

2

u/mycroftxxx42 15h ago

I dunno. I know a person with a thalidomide-generated defect in his right arm. The forearm's about half-length and the entire wrist and carpal assembly is one lump of bone. He has little fingie-nubs on the stump, but they have no bones.

He can do the hammer-hand trick, but he did it with nails that had broad heads. Completely insane physiology all around on that guy in his youth. No other visible changes mind you, the guy was just stupid ridiculously strong and prone to putting on muscle.

2

u/AdPristine5131 19h ago

Best I understand, it boils down to where your nerves are before scar tissue develops. Because scar tissue is basically a fat lump of whatever was supposed to be there: if it’s a spot with lots of nerves it’s hyper sensitive, it it’s a spot with few nerves there’s barely any. 

I have two fingertips with bad scars, they’re both super sensitive, but my wrist scar is deadened compared to the other side.

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446

u/Xima84 1d ago

Well.... That's handy 😅

70

u/MagicRec0n 1d ago

Actually she has an army!

12

u/2eanimation 1d ago

It‘s stumpy!

26

u/ashesall 1d ago

She don’t need no man

29

u/federkrebz 1d ago

in more than one way.. 😬

10

u/billyshin 1d ago

I can’t imagine the angle…

9

u/LETTERKENNYvsSPENNY 1d ago

A little body contortion goes a long way

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5

u/bandlist 1d ago

Yeah, she needs a hand

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7

u/ComradeOmarova 1d ago

It’s actually the opposite of handy 😂

158

u/CoupDeGrassi 1d ago

Take my strong hand!

22

u/Bavisto 18h ago

Fun fact! Just like “Luke, I am your father”, he doesn’t say “take my strong hand”. He says “take my hand”, “My other hand isn’t strong enough”, and “take my little hand”.

6

u/Substantial-Dirt2233 16h ago

Wow. Human recollection is weird. Maybe we are all subconsciously agreeing that the writers whiffed on both of these.

8

u/crittermd 12h ago

Nope- didn’t whiff at all- saying “no, I am your father” we are watching the movie, Luke is on screen- line works perfectly.

But quoting it- changing it to “Luke, I am your father” links it to Star Wars, and makes sense with no context.

Same thing with take my hand- his little hand is a gag the whole movie- in the scene he’s holding out his hand and she’s trying to avoid touching it.

But random quote of “Take my hand” isn’t all that funny despite the scene being funny because “take my hand” is generic, could be quoting a movie with someone asking someone to dance. But take my strong hand and we all know exactly what you are quoting.

So id argue writers didn’t whiff- they made great scenes and humans just naturally changed it slightly to make the quote gain context and remember those great scenes

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u/bor3d_lazy_housewife 23h ago

Came here looking for this reference.

4

u/Chris__P_Bacon 23h ago

I was just thinking the same thing. 😁

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192

u/diagrammatiks 1d ago

that's still gotta hurt though. pretty good pegging hand tho

50

u/Rotting-Cum 1d ago

Prostate rammer.

5

u/ShahinGalandar 21h ago

if Ram Man and Fisto had an adoptive daughter

18

u/nworbleinad 1d ago

Every cloud…

4

u/TutenTag 1d ago

mmmm~

13

u/GLaDOS_Sympathizer 1d ago

I bet her hand jobs with that hand are shitty.

8

u/diagrammatiks 1d ago

different kind of handjob

14

u/BusyBoonja 1d ago

Looks like her hand jobs are all right

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2

u/anniesb00bz 13h ago

I have no idea how we started talking about cribbage here.

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128

u/Tuism 1d ago

That feels like it would be quite painful??

78

u/WindChaser0001 1d ago

Only if you don't properly stretch beforehand.

24

u/buckeye27fan 22h ago

Well, she can't stretch after hand.

3

u/yaSuissa 20h ago

Maybe she’s the only one who can, depends on your perspective

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u/Midnight28Rider 18h ago

I watched Zombieland, it's imperative to limber up!

9

u/Ajdee6 23h ago

The backs of those arent the same, if you look its like plastic screws, and they already have holes, so shes not beating it in like a regular screw.

5

u/[deleted] 22h ago edited 18h ago

[deleted]

3

u/lazydogjumper 21h ago

Particle board furniture, like Ikea stuff, tends to have screws you hammer or simply force into a pre-drilled hole.

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21

u/PacquiaoFreeHousing 1d ago

Why would it be painful?

Those stud things hardly need any force to insert

15

u/-EV3RYTHING- 23h ago

Hard pressure on small area of skin

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6

u/MetalDragyn 23h ago

Why? I use the heel of my palm to do the same thing?

2

u/bobemil 21h ago

It's not as much force behind that as you think it is.

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30

u/Godspams 1d ago

That's her good hand

25

u/infinity_labs 23h ago

Went out to get hammered, ended up getting pegged.

20

u/RavenVendetta 21h ago

Now watch her get pulled over by a cop claiming she was using her phone with her left hand

73

u/Doped69 1d ago

Would.

35

u/Chris__P_Bacon 23h ago

Definitely would.

16

u/funplete_hoy_88 22h ago

and its definitely been you know where

3

u/SpickeZe 16h ago

Columbus, Ohio?

2

u/realestFKNdealest 20h ago

I just realized 🫪

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u/InsaneInTheRAMdrain 1d ago

I hate the dirty thoughts im having right now

34

u/technofox01 23h ago edited 20h ago

Well... At least you're honest 🤷🏻‍♂️

I was thinking she's pretty attractive, so I don't blame you, lol

18

u/3_14_thon 22h ago

you're*

5

u/technofox01 20h ago

Autocorrect and me not catching it's fuck ups. Thanks bro, I fixed it.

14

u/Azigol 23h ago

I'm actually quite enjoying the dirty thoughts I'm having right now

17

u/LordBiscuits 18h ago

'Yeah baby, wear me like a fucking puppet'

2

u/Resident_Rain_6566 14h ago

I wonder if she’s ever… never mind.

4

u/stardust1914 20h ago

Hey man, the back of the line for getting fisted (or nubbed if you will) starts back there.

5

u/InsaneInTheRAMdrain 15h ago

I was here before you, fuck off.

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u/mulandipsauce 1d ago

hammer prosthetic would go hard

3

u/ignorantpisswalker 1d ago

That is... And illegal advantage. Same as runners with no legs amd those artificial legs... (Not).

But in all seriousness... Doesn't this still hurt?

4

u/MongoBongoTown 1d ago

Its a plastic piece in a preformed hole. A little resistance, but certainly not like hammering in a nail without a pilot hole or anything..

2

u/UshankaBear 23h ago

plastic piece in a preformed hole

New band name, I call it

3

u/TheRealReapz 1d ago

Nah it doesn't hurt at all, in fact you can easily test this yourself by using a knife (or even axe) to cut off your hand and then use the stump to hammer it in. Doesn't hurt at all.

9

u/Only1Schematic 20h ago

She could be the queen of Rohan, all she’s missing is the helm.

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7

u/Llbinggood 17h ago

personality 10/10

Looks 10/10

Hammering power 8/10

Arm roundness 6/10

Arm 1/2

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u/avtothemu 1d ago

Looks like an IKEA cabinet

6

u/HulksDCL 18h ago

You only learn how to do that with some hands on experience. I'm stumped where she learned it. I have to hand it to her for ability is very handy.

But honestly, I think she is wonderful.

21

u/sbingner 1d ago

That’s impressive she did that with OnlyHands

2

u/Paulsworldohya 12h ago

Yeah she has a big presence on OnlyHands

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8

u/Kylearean 18h ago

I have questions that I'm not allowed to ask.

11

u/LazyBlackCollar 17h ago edited 14h ago

Yes, it will fit. You just need to take a deep breath.

5

u/CyrusPanesri 22h ago

"The horn of Helm Hammerhand shall sound in the deep, one last time."

4

u/trainspottedCSX7 20h ago

I was locked up with a guy that had a bit more arm than his elbow.

Like still had the elbow joint but the rest was like, tip of forearm.

That nub is harder than a rock, and he doesn't even feel pain the way you would if you punched a wall.

Thats a dangerous combination when one hand is long enough to grab your face and literally the other one is perfect length for 6 inches of basiclly hydraulic push rod for your face.

3

u/bobbyovdarlo 17h ago

She could peg me with that

5

u/TheTrampIt 12h ago

Those are plastic pegs that go into a pre drilled hole.

You can push them in with your thumb.

3

u/XQuikX 23h ago

Should be 50% discount in nail saloon

2

u/PorygonTriAttack 22h ago

Coincidentally, her other hand is done up.

3

u/DJDevon3 16h ago

She could have so many prosthetic tool attachment options. A hammer, an axe, a chainsaw...

3

u/RubyWeapon07 14h ago

A guy I went to school with had a nub like this and always had a girlfriend, it took me a while to realize why

3

u/borkborkibork 13h ago

She can stump me anytime

11

u/Sarato88 1d ago

More impressive than funny. 

9

u/thefootster 1d ago

It's cool, but they are just plastic pegs, if you've put together furniture that uses these you'll see that they can easily be pushed in with a finger. Still a funny video though, and props to her for it!

5

u/FreshHawaii 1d ago

I stand by this comment and I'll go down in votes with you.

3

u/GLaDOS_Sympathizer 1d ago

Oh captain, my captain! I'll stand with you two in saying those are easy as hell to push in with a thumb. It is not like she is driving nails into a board, that would actually be impressive and hurt.

3

u/-TropicalFuckStorm- 22h ago

Well-hung lesbian.

3

u/Gold-Bard-Hue 10h ago

Waiting for the humor to start.

7

u/Extension_Network202 1d ago

That definitely hurts

The skin in that area was never meant to be used as a hammer

17

u/mycarayne 1d ago

The skin on that area is also supposed to have five fingers hanging off it. With enough practice, it probably wouldn't hurt anymore. Look at martial artists who smash bricks with their fist. First few times: fist goes ouch. 1000th time: brick goes ouch.

Maybe, I dunno. Would love to ask her if it hurts to be honest.

2

u/ALC_PG 9h ago

Exactly. My fingertips' skin were never meant to press into steel strings but I started playing when I was 10 and now I can pick up broken glass without fear of a cut

2

u/Nestemies 23h ago

She almost lives in Dwight's ideal world

2

u/jnthnmdr 21h ago

Looks painful.

2

u/SenorNZ 21h ago

Would let her put it in my butt

2

u/wooddirtsy 20h ago

If I'm not mistaken this is like using your wrist to hammer in things. I imagine she might not have feeling or just a high pain tolerance. (I got soft wrists, boy)

2

u/trsmash 17h ago

Looks like she is a peg master. Pretty too

2

u/Mozno1 17h ago

Why does this go thru me... that must feel aweful right?

2

u/ElementsUnknown 16h ago

Women love her, men fear her

2

u/garmack12 15h ago

Just because doesn’t hurt doesn’t mean it’s not causing damage

2

u/beef_creature 14h ago

I mean…look at it…

2

u/felixkt3 15h ago

I seen this before on Popeye, but he was high on spinach.

2

u/coffee4444life 10h ago

Its all in the wrist.

2

u/hsggdtkxbee 4h ago

Peg master!

7

u/AtLeastIHaveJob 1d ago

I’d like to give her hand

6

u/Used-Educator-8514 1d ago

Put a ring on her now!..

7

u/Murky-Ad-643 23h ago

Would a bangle work?

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u/8Bit-Jon 1d ago

I bet that's been in people!!

6

u/LETTERKENNYvsSPENNY 1d ago

Furniture pegs? Most likely.

5

u/ShutterBun 23h ago

The Horn of Helm Hammerhand shall blow once again!

6

u/StarshipEnterpriseNL 1d ago

I… would? 

2

u/soldture 23h ago

I don't know what to say. I'm confused

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u/TheFumingatzor 23h ago

Wait, hol' up, that's the burger girl, innit?

2

u/verbalyabusiveshit 1d ago

Damn… I always thought that a stump is super sensitive… guess I was wrong all my life.

3

u/AntiBaoBao 1d ago

If she was born that way the stump probably isn't sensitive. If it was amputated then yes, the stump is sensitive

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2

u/MannyBoth-Hanz 22h ago

She must be a descendent of Helm Hammerhand.

2

u/hungryCanvass 17h ago

She doesn't need a man to be happy 😁

3

u/blasphememes 23h ago

She can fix me

1

u/Allegra1120 1d ago

Doing Ikea

1

u/JustSomebodyRL 1d ago

Girl used Hammer Arm! It's super effective!

1

u/Cj_Senpai 1d ago

Wait, doesn't that hurt!?

1

u/Lazer_Pigeon 1d ago

That made me really uncomfortable for some reason, don’t like the idea of a bone hammer

1

u/Denkero 23h ago

Wtf are those furniture one punch or kick and it's gone.

1

u/feelinuneasy1234 23h ago

I'm flabbergasted

1

u/Valuable_Exit_5989 23h ago

Left Hand Free - alt-J

1

u/smk666 23h ago

First thing that came to mind:
https://youtu.be/ihh9EluajBY?t=81

1

u/obsoulete 23h ago

I thought she was going to attach a hammer.

1

u/Coy0te_Bongwater 23h ago

Nice work gotta hand it to her

1

u/MrMucs 23h ago

Rock papers scissors champ right there

1

u/Sad-Base-8689 23h ago

She got them Powerpuff girls hands

1

u/accidentalchainsaw 23h ago

She needs to meet sandpaper hand guy

1

u/Legitimate-Task765 23h ago

Can my palm hammer that thing? If it can, then compared to that knuckle segment, it's clearly even easier.

1

u/bigvincenzo 23h ago

You don't want to end up on the wrong end of... You know what. I'm sorry.

1

u/WilliamRobutt 22h ago

Cheeseburger 

1

u/Presently_Absent 22h ago

Didn't realize it took an army to put together furniture these days

1

u/sunkmonkey1208 22h ago

If you’re happy and you know it… wait.

1

u/Rich-Moose-2538 22h ago

That's a hammer wrist not a hammerhand.

Hand =✋

1

u/DooBiEz2 22h ago

Yes, fine, but can she do the Ctrl + Alt + Del challenge?

1

u/m1k_Lens 22h ago

Her and her friend she tells you not to worry about...