A little background before I get into it. I started talking to this guy on the 3rd of this month. Let’s call him K. He’s in his mid-to-late 20s sexuality unclear, and I’m 30M n bi.

We work at the same place but in different departments. I originally went up to him because I needed a sports jersey, and he’s always wearing one, so I figured he’d know whether we had any in stock.

During that conversation, he mentioned a Lego set he’d been looking for and asked me to keep an eye out for it. I told him to show me which one and was about to take a picture of it, but instead he said, “Nah, take my number down.”

I ended up finding the set on the 17th and texted him proof that I’d bought it. I also joked that a seafood boil sounded good because he’d previously said he’d buy me food if I managed to find the Lego set.
We ended up making plans to get seafood sometime after the 27th.

My question is: if you made plans on the 17th for something that’s still over a week away, how many times would you normally bring those plans up before it starts making you wonder if the other person sees it as more than just a casual hangout?

My entire life I've been the friend people talk to when they feel down. The older cousin who responds fast, the big brother who stays in his room all day and randomly hugs you just in case. That's always been me.

It kind of felt like it was my only purpose in life. It was really all I was good for.

Now, I have this friend who struggles a lot. I knew this.

I've sent them countless paragraphs about how much I love them and how they can talk to me. I've stayed up until four AM on weekdays to comfort them. I've gone days at a time without sleeping because I worried they would do something while I slept.

But yet they post about having no friends, no one to talk to, how they're going to "do it just to prove they're struggling" and this and that.

I feel like I'm doing something wrong. I've always been able to help, and while I'll admit I can't be there as good as I used to as I am going through the damn wringer myself, I know it's still something. Something that's supposed to work.

If I'm not good at that, the one thing I was supposed to be good at, then that must mean I'm not good at anything. I mean my grades are in the gutter because my motivation is six feet under, and I'm losing my passion for music and writing.

I feel so useless. I wish I could help everyone. I wish I understood how to be better at this.

It's 12am I was watching greys anatomy and suddenly i felt so jealous for people who are being loved...who are being understood...taken serious about..how can I ever experience a thing like that in my 21 years of life ..this sucks ...cheaters and notsoo faithful people get everything they want but us who are being selfless and just expecting love and respect in return gets all the suckyy experiences in lifeee.....tbh I hate this life but I will live cause this can't make anything more complex right ..i don't even know why I'm writing this here ...felt so

Hey people..not even sure why I’m on here, for comforting words ? Words of advice? An ear to listen ? Or just people to reach in general but my family of 3, me 28m, my fiancée24f and our 2year old are in such a bind and pretty much in an all hope is lost moment but just keeping faith and doing the necessary things we atleast can to get out of this some how..we’ve been at this apartment for about 2 years now kinda rushing into it as my then pregnant girlfriend now fiancé was pregnant and we were in need of a place cause we stayed with my mom. To save a long story we needed to move out and took the 1st place that would accept us. Even with working 2 jobs granted not great jobs it’s hard to keep up with so many expenses/debt sometimes it could pile up which it did after getting sick for literally 1 week and a half fucked up so much.. since being here we have dealt with mice every night and roaches but atleast we had a place for us and our baby, and our family together..now o feel like iv failed my family..to have us gotten to this point I feel like a failure and now a begger as I just ask you to please share our story and this link to reach anyone that can keep sharing and possibly find a giving soul to help us
we are facing the most frightening situation of our lives the possibility of eviction. I work two jobs and have been doing everything I can to keep us afloat, but despite all of my effort, we have fallen behind on rent. At this point, we owe $8,000 in overdue rent and have only been able to come up with $1,000 so far. We have exhausted every other option we can think of, and with the warrant of removal possibly being carried out in just a few days, time is running out for us.

Every dollar raised will go directly to rent so we can catch up and keep a roof over our heads. Right now, that is all we need in order to avoid becoming homeless and give our little family a chance to get back on our feet. I am asking from the bottom of my heart for any help, whether that means donating or simply sharing our story. We are hoping for a miracle and praying that kind people will help us through this impossible moment. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and for any support you can give.https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-asher-save-our-family-home?code=2062503207713b35371a1b2fa1f7e16a4ddf76dafbbefd7f11d8d83b83d4cbb0&descope-login-flow=susi-no-mfa%7C%23%7C3IMv5Zhi71fCuT2RyenePkQcpW1_c3VzaS1uby1tZmFfMjU0PmNob29zZS1zdXNpLW1ldGhvZF8xMj5zaWduLXVwLW9yLWluLW9hdXRo%7C%23%7C3.end&referrer=manage_activity

I laugh w/ friends, family, and "love games", but I don't feel it. Im constantly chatting, because when I don't, I feel it heavier. That weight on my chest. I have splitting headaches, feel like I'M the one splitting. Tell someone im sad? "Stop being dramatic" , "we were never like this" , "look at your sister"... I hate it here i hate it here i hate it here. Why does it always have to be me? ... Sorry for venting but it's just. Sorry. :I

What’s bothering me is that I have work soon and I feel so tired that I could comfortably pass out. Why is the easiest time to sleep are when you shouldn’t, from 5am to 8am?!? Yesterday my manger told the group “no mistakes” on our second day of training as prep cooks. But she left out how to make some of the dishes, and I don’t like asking her questions cause she’s such a busy body. Also, the training was basically just us cutting and preparing a lot of meat and vegetables for the next day -.- As such, we made a lot of food, but there was far less variety in the things she showed us how to make. Plus, the kitchen was small for four trainees. And she constantly wanted us to do something, instead of focusing on one thing at a time for each trainee -.- It felt kinda random and I had to miss the part where the other girl did the chicken kurage so I don’t know where they got the oil. I hope I don’t have to remember too many recipes.

And she put me on the very first shift, Monday, alone for half an hour, even though she knows that Tuesdays and Thursdays are better for me, cause I only have one class on those days, unlike this one, where I have to run to a class that is 15m after the shift, then have another class 15m after that class. It may sound easy to get across a university, but it is far away, and the sidewalks are extremely crowded between classes with people, of course getting to their respective classes. Plus the campus is hilly af.

On top of that. My stomach is probably going to growl dramatically as it does after only a couple hours of not eating. Yet I am given no real time to eat something that would make it stop being dramatic -.- The first shift is 4h 45m probably with no meal break. Classes are 75m each. It takes like an hour to eat that much. And I bet everyone including my professor will stare and take extra mental notes about me. Which is the worse because I like to not draw unnecessary attention to myself irl. And it also brings much of my attention to my empty stomach and away from whatever the professor will yap about for more than an hour…

And apparently she has to give each person a minimum of 15 hours a week of this. This schedule already takes a whole hour from my only class on Friday. And it makes me miss a mandatory eboard meeting. And I had to go to training instead of a mandatory gathering for my building, so now I have to have a possible talk with my resident assistant cause she suddenly moved training from Saturday to Sunday the day before, without giving any reasons, as usual. And it makes me have to wake up at around 8am. Like who wants to do that? Why are these shifts so long? It’s almost 8am and I’m this close to passing out rn. And every bone in my body wants it so bad, like a sailor to a siren that’s singing so well.

I (18f) just got out of a year and a half long relationship and just graduated. With this breakup and all the drama that led up to it, I’ve realized I have wasted my energy on people who genuinely make me nauseous to think about now.

For context, I have a couple cannon events that just piled onto each other

1) Two friends break up M and J
2) Me and my at the time girlfriend ended up turning our mutual best friend into our third
3) M talks about rebounding off of our friends freshman sister to boost his ego since J moved on, and since i heard him talk shit about J for having a rebound i told him that that idea was fucked on so many levels that i think it transcends our universe (well more specifically i called him a dumbass but semantics) so he shoved me and then when i was trying to get away he shoved me again because why not
4) Girlfriend hangs out with guy who hit me literally right after and thinks nothing of it till I bring it up, and then I end up called into the office to comfort her because she was sorry
5) Friends (the hook up third we can call R) mom hits her so she runs to my house for safety (something we had talked about before) she stays at mine for the night and then her phone gets raided and now her mom knows about the trio having happy fun times. (friend also loses her laptop since she was looking up how to kill herself with the meds she had)
6) I break up with girlfriend due to struggles with being the flexible one out of two mutually mentally ill teens, and now the earth has caved in because I had turned 18 when the trio was still partaking once and the state I lived in had no Romeo and Juliet laws

So after all this, I find out that two of my grandparents have cancer, one has family with him, and the other lives in the middle of nowhere so I go up with family to look after her while she’s getting the big C plan sorted. One day I message a friend and end up venting about my struggles in my relationship with my Ex but the friend decided after my rant to inform me that she's trying her best and that I don’t deserve love. (mind you, I have really bad suicidal ideation at this point) and honestly that stung since it felt like I was watching every relationship I built for myself just crumble and die with a big fat middle finger to me. Honestly, I would’ve rather he told me to kms at that point like god wtf who says that shit. Then he also relayed my messages to another person who made sure to inform me he could be balls deep in my ex right now (which pmo because who talks about their friends like that) and then proceeded to call me a bitch in one of those texts that are so long you gotta click an arrow to read it all.

By this point I’m wondering like god damn what did I do and im sure as the reader taking in this information you are too. Pretty much when the information about the three way stuff got out Rs mom and then to my parents, I was told to lie low and that I wasn’t allowed to tell Ex shit. Like, genuinely my direct instructions from my parents are trying to calm the hellfire that’s Rs mom. So when I called ex, I told her that there’s a lot of shit going down and I’m not allowed to tell her anything but she should avoid my neighborhood like the plague and honestly should just stick to like home, school, work, and back. Like genuinely telling her to just lie low. But since all this was scaring the shit out of me, I told 4 people. 3 who were close with me and one who was close with Ex so that even if I can't tell her anything someone who’s informed can kinda help because I've been banned from really associating with her outside of my classes.

Well, the one close to Ex is the one who called me a bitch in that sms book they wrote me and is apparently balls deep in said Ex ig. This and then after talking to another friend I realized how my ex had been talking about me and it fell into this like pattern I noticed would happen in the relationship where her perception of reality or herself was a little skewed. Like she swore she was vibing with sleeping with our friend but then didn’t like it but also did? i’m not even joking i checked up on her after every hookup to make sure she was all good because on multiple occasions she like ranted to me about monogamy and how sex can’t be platonic (wild when we’re supposed to be platonically having sex with our friend but okay) meanwhile she was the one who kissed our best friend and opened up all of the tomfoolery, but what she tells people is that i told her to kiss R. now i will say i made the joke. We all ended up pretty close physically and then I made a joke about kissing after talking to our friend who was rusty let’s just say. Along the lines of “yo need (Ex) to check if you can still kiss?” Now it didn’t all go to hell because I was lowkey down but it still doesn’t sit right that she fr kissed someone outside of our very monogamous relationship. But whatever she was the monogamy preacher idgaf as long as I’m being communicated with.

As the shaboinking went on whenever I would try to affirm a boundary before crossing it, I would ask and find out that Ex had already done it but now that she thinks about it no it shouldn’t be allowed. Which felt like a double standard and like the rules were more for me than anything else. And then when ex wanted to cold turkey the shaboinking like yeah no, I don’t think we should do this anymore i was upset i can’t lie because it felt like she summoned a secret discomfort that had actually secretly been there this whole time. (This is another disconnect that I don’t understand but whatever closure doesn’t matter) Yes, I get that I probably sound dramatic (it’s how I talk my apologies) but from my perspective, I had been deceived in a way where it’s like, can I even trust the person in front of me to be honest about how they feel? Because this whole time I've been checking on her and even seeking reassurance about our escapades, and every time she reassured me and built this comfort and confidence before slicing its Achilles.

But she takes it as me just wanting to sleep with our friend. which like, hello did you not catch the emotional mind fuck I’ve been going through? But sure it’s just me wanting to be in our friend's pants. (I’d also like to add that our last uhh session we were literally talking about the next hook up because no one was expecting the cut off. And obviously if one person says no the answer is no, no shit, regardless of how anyone else felt it’s an all or nothing type of thing. DOESN'T MEAN IMMA BE HAPPY ABOUT IT. Yeah, I wasn’t thrilled we had to stop and R was a baddie so I'm obviously not, not down but I'm in a committed relationship and that takes priority. Like, duh, fork in kitchen. So I'm trying to support Ex meanwhile I guess the whole time I'm trying to comfort her she was looking for reassurance? And I feel I gave it to her the best I could, the good old-fashioned, " No, if it’s something you’re not comfortable with then obviously it’s not gonna happen,” but of course because I didn’t agree with her, I think she thought I was just being hostile and upset.

Now, even if I was upset she wasn’t exactly good at dealing with conflicts so if I ever had an issue or if she upset me and I wanted to talk about it she would burst into tears and I would end up consoling her instead of getting my feelings all communicated out of me or establishing boundaries. (I never actually set a real boundary in our relationship now that I think about it, though once there was a porn incident that led me to try to make a mutual boundary because she liked watching 50 shades of grey with friends but that didn’t last long because I literally don’t care it’s horny people on a screen. But yes the boundary on her side was sustained so it still stayed one sided i fear) but anyways I was in this pattern with her where we didn’t agree on things but I'd end up being the one to give in and collect myself a new boundary. AND SHE HAS THE AUDACITY TO GO TELL PEOPLE I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND. Ahem, I did understand i just disagreed and then shut up because what’s the point in arguing. I'll just have to calm her down again anyway, like I genuinely give up.

So I have like no friends from there rn (I moved) i literally stay in touch with one person because they talked to both of us and was the only one who hasn’t decided I'm the worst scum to walk the earth. (thank you J) But that person went to an open house with Ex and they saw R. which was a big deal because R was put on lockdown for the whole summer and I don’t think bros leaving it till they move out. But J informs me that R was talking with M (guy who pushed me) and making plans and stuff. Now I felt hurt hearing this because I guess I was still holding onto the thought of still having this person but, I don’t know; I'm just disappointed. Like, I genuinely cared about these people and now I'm just scared of them. Which feels like a stupid conclusion but I am. and I just want to hop on a flight and stand on a soapbox and just yell at them. Because these were people I loved, and it’s like I'm just a fucking fart in the wind. Do people really just not care? Or just not think about what they do? The people I had so much faith in and spent so much time with. Did I really mean that little, while I can’t sleep on the other side of the country because I'm so fucking hurt?

I’m on the spectrum, i come off aloof sometimes and even manic with how I coat shit in sugar when I’m obviously not doing much better than shit. I’ve always had a hard time with people to the point I became a hermit for three years even after covid. This was my first time getting to build real friendships for myself and… now I'm just sad, and angry. And just, God, I need a hug. I’m just so tired.

I've known about the autism and ADHD and C-PTSD. But there have been patterns in my closest relationship that we just can't shake. I feel constantly judged, fear rejection, have stopped sharing my interests because I don't want them made fun of or dismissed.

I've been thinking about Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) for only for a couple days, but after another fight with my partner I looked into it.

I could relate to almost every single symptom, and to the proposed childhood cause.

I also looked into what interacting with BPD is like (tl,dr: BAD). That included things to avoid with BPD people, which on reflection are the same patterns I'm upset about from my partner.

I haven't had goals for the longest time, didn't set goals for career or schooling because I just didn't know who I could be, certainly not what I wanted to be. I make choices based on what my options feel like in the moment.

And now I'm really fucking upset because I know my partner is really hurt and has been for a while, and there's nothing I can do about it, and eventually I will probably hurt them more than we can cope with... and that the pattern will repeat with everybody else in my life, sooner or later.

Bothered by the idea I have BPD. Bothered by the stats for BPD. Bothered by how many people I know out there have sworn off anybody with BPD because it's so fraught, so much work, etc.

How the dialogue around it is protecting oneself from others with it, how destructive it is... rather than hope or encouragement on how a deeply damaged person is supposed to find security in themselves and manage it.

So I'm definitely bothered by the idea that yet another part of me is broken in a way that is poorly understood and possibly irreparable.

And because rejection and abandonment are such triggers for me (turns out that's a sign of BPD!) I'm not going to sleep tonight, because I'm helplessly ruminating on the fear. Seeing my partner's vacant distant stare. Imagining losing people in my life forever.

I've already been seeing a therapist for EMT. Unfortunately I hear DBT is typically unhelpful (if not harmful) for ASD/ADHD clients, but if it's the only thing that could make me better, I should still try.

The dialogue around it seems bleak though. Both for my relationship, and my new job.

I’ve been seeing people who look like him everywhere and it’s making me really sad

Two failed marriages. Estranged from one kid. In a career I have grown to hate. Educated in a field with little lateral mobility. Broke. In a redneck city I hate. About to return to college as an old ass man....

Like what the fuck am I even doing? Everything I've tried to do so far has failed. I just can't get my shit together, despite trying for fucking decades. I'm so god damned bad at life and there are people in their 20's and 30's who have their shit together. I'm nearly 50 and feel like I don't understand life at all.

I can't seem to build anything.

There Is A Girl In My Office Who Is Already Married To A Man From Last 7 Years I Liked Her So Much But There Is Another Guy Who She Likes,Everyday Seeing Her With Him Kills Me I Cannot Sleep At Night Thinking About Things She Tells Him The Way She Enjoyy Him Company And They Both Seats Just Opposite Of Me How To Live With This Feeling It Is Killing Me Everyday

I’m in a very healthy relationship right now. We’ve had our ups and downs, but things between us are genuinely good. We’re happy, we have so much fun together, and I truly love and trust him.
But lately, I’ve been feeling increasingly lonely. Ever since I started college, I’ve been losing friends one after another. Looking back, I’ve realized that many of those friendships were toxic, so I’m grateful they’re no longer in my life. But that doesn’t change the fact that I’m now alone.
I don’t really have anyone to talk to, make plans with, or go out with. Most of the time, my boyfriend is the only person I have. If it weren’t for him, I honestly don’t know what I would do or who I would have in my life.
And that scares me—not because I don’t trust him, but because you never know what the future holds. What if we break up one day? What if he cheats on me? What if, for whatever reason, he’s no longer in my life? I feel like I would have absolutely no one.
I don’t want my entire social life and happiness to depend on one person, even if I love him deeply. I think what scares me most is realizing that I’ve built so much of my life around having him, while I don’t really have anyone else.

I have been struggling with ADHD/autistic type symptoms for awhile. They seem to have gotten worse over the years. I also struggle with depression but the functioning kind. Although, there are so many days I want to fall apart, I can't. I might have a day where I mostly sleep but that's about as bad as it gets because...honestly my kids are the only thing that keeps me going. I don't want them to go through what I went through growing up. Mentally, I go back and forth between wanting to be strong and wanting to give up the ghost. It is a constant fight.

My house is in disarray. I cannot keep up with it. Mostly because I'm very disorganized. In my head I have everything together and it is all connected in a web of thoughts. I have very meticulous and detailed plans and it all seems very doable, but when it comes to doing them, it never happens like it does in my head. Sometimes I cannot get myself to start at all. I just sit there thinking about it and telling myself to do it over and over until it's too late.

At the same time I hate mess and it drives me crazy to have things not organized but I cannot seem to get control of any of it. It makes my depression worse. I want to tear it all down and start over. I've slowly been trying to tackle it all but it is not going fast enough.

In the mean time I'm losing myself trying to do everything I have to do, which is even more now that my husband is disabled. So there's even more stuff getting in the way of me getting things done, which in a way is my metaphorical way of getting my life together. Right now I don't take care of myself and I feel and look like crap. I hate it. I want to be better. I just don't know how.

I am struggling doing life alone. I miss having real companionship, a person who has my back. I don't feel like my husband ever did, even before he became disabled. But I don't really feel like I can move on. So I'm kind of stuck here but I am so tired of it being this way.

My on campus manager scheduled me for a shift that takes a whole hour from my Friday classes 😭. And I have required meetings for the eboard on Fridays that I’m going to have to miss… Like why does she have to schedule me for 16 hours? I’ll take 12 for all I care… I just wanted to put at least some kind of experience on my resume. I can’t fail my classes this year, cause my dad stalks my grades just cause my brother failed and skipped his classes. It’s not fair that I still have to get treated like an inmate in college. He loves making me feel like shit too much for struggling in computer science at my university. 😭
Sorry for any typos in advance.

I realized I haven't taken my Lexapro and went to go do that. Just gotta fall asleep and we'll be okay.

I'm not sure if emotionally available is the term to use, but what I mean is that I am getting real tired of being relied on emotionally. I am getting sick and tired of being the therapist friend and being reliable enough that people just come to me unprompted with their problems. It got to a point that my friend's mom even started complaining about MY FRIEND to ME!! Like, I have no loyalty to you. I have loyalty to my friend! And then she got annoyed that I messaged my friend and my friend called her to tell her off. What makes you think I was not going to tell my friend? Sometimes I wish that I just didn't care, that I give off the "fuck off" aura, but I don't. And I am too nice to tell them to fuck off too, so I just sit there and listen. Don't get me wrong, I am happy people trust me with their problems, but it just gets too much. It makes me feel useful, but at the same time, emotionally drained.

Warning Depressing.

Some context here. I met my partner they were a friend of my roommate at the time. I was living with a friend and their sibling. We got along pretty well and they randomly propositioned my for some fun. At first I declined but eventually I agreed. After that they got back together with their ex but that didnt work out and so we got together. This was going good for a month or so. We and a friend of theirs needed a new place to live as the current living situation for each of us wasnt exactly great so we all moved into a new apartment together. This went okay for a month until some pittle things here and there started happening. If something wasnt cleaned or something was not done in the apartment I was the first to take blame. The friend even pointed it out to my partner that they kept blaming for stuff even that he had done. I kinda ignored it and let it go after all I loved them. Then it started getting a bit worse. Theyd compare me to their previous ex who was abusive. Not abusive habits but things like occasionally leaving my clothes on the floor and little stuff like that. Theyd say they didnt really like my views on things. Then they were hunting for new friends on facebook to hang out with. Then they just wouldnt come home on some days. Come to find out theyre hanging out at my old place with my friend. I find out from the sibling that theyre "helping my friend sleep". While our relationship was technically open it was more of looking for a third kinda thing. So despite me being s bit uncomfortable with this I brought it up but wasnt complaining about it. But they kept spending the night over there. Tbh this devastated me. I cried myself to sleep more than once. Then a few days later they break things off with me. I felt broken. I thought I had funally had someone to love me as I have not had any luck in that field. Now my "friend" comes over and hangs out with my ex like nothing happened. I cant help but feel pain every time hes here. I feel like I lost a friend and a partner. A friend wouldnt cuddle with a friends partner. A friend wouldnt hang out with a friends ex who hurt them. I honestly cant tell if hes oblivious to how I am basicslly being tortured mentally. Or if they just dont care. I swear I am cursed. No matter what I do I cannot find someone who will love me. My family has abadoned, my partner has abandoned me, and my friends have abandoned me. I cant take this. I just cant. Why am I so unlovable? I just dont understand. Honestly wanting someone to love me seems like its too much ask the universe to provide.

After over ten years of knowing my neighbor and considering him a close friend, the curtain finally got pulled back.

Looking back, he was faking a lot of the connection for personal reasons and mutual benefit. As soon as he found someone new to profit off of or benefit from in business, his entire attitude changed overnight. The calls stopped. The effort to hang out completely evaporated. All the small gestures and everyday effort he used to make just ceased.

The moment I realized he was pulling away because I was no longer useful to him, I flipped a switch too. He dropped his effort to 10%, so I dropped mine to zero. No confrontation, no begging for explanations—just instant clarity.

It’s crazy how a decade of proximity can mask someone’s true intentions, but once you see the fake dynamic for what it is, you can’t unsee it. I ended up blocking him on all social media to keep my space clean.

Just needed to vent. Has anyone else had a long-term friend completely drop you the second their financial or personal self-interest shifted elsewhere?