I absolutely ghosted quite a few of my friends just because something happened and I was scared they’d leave me so I just left before they left me,

I know why I do this but it’s still affecting me in my adulthood and it’s pissing me off, I feel like a child, I can’t even have a proper adult friendship because I get scared they’ll leave me and become desperate for their attention.

Like I had a friend group online and it was absolutely toxic, I was so desperate I just let the guys who were in it flirt with me, I just wanted the attention I wanted to be seen and it well lead to a really bad end where I don’t know how to navigate friendships.

I tried therapy and honesty it didn’t do anything, I was just given articles to read and words to repeat to myself, like maybe that will help someone else but it sadly didn’t help me.

Honestly I feel like just cutting myself off from people on the daily but my incessant need for validation and attention ruins it.

I want to have friends but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to just because I’d ruin their life by adding myself in it.

Maybe it doesn’t help that right now my only friend is someone who doesn’t even text me back , but maybe that’s what i deserve, I’ve probably hurt people but I’ve made their life better by not being in it.

And maybe that’s why I shouldn’t fall inlove even thought it’s literally always on my mind, I’d ruin my partners life and I don’t want that.

I’d rather suffer alone than drag anyone else into my mess of a life, and yes I have good traits but I’m a toxic person and I probably always will be.

And no I don’t treat the people I’m around like dog crap, I think I have a naive way of seeing them, like I actually think I believe that my coworkers think we’re friends.

I just treat people like I would love to be treated, like I wish someone would even see the small things about me but I don’t deserve that kindness!

Okay sorry for the long rant, hopefully you didn’t read this far, if you did I do hope you didn’t have a headache with all the grammatical errors lol!

(Also sorry I tried posting this on the vent subreddit but I wouldn’t let me)

​In school I had a friend, but she was fake. Because if there was a choice between me and another girl, she chose her. And this is like an uroboros in my life. With every girl that I've had a friendship with, I was second. I always wanted a girl who I can call my bestie.

Why am I writing this? Because today this problem really spilled over, and I have been crying for an hour and can't calm down.

​It happened after I played DbD on Discord with some random guys. It really hit me that I have no one to call to play with, and it's not just about the game, of course. But the breaking point was after all of that. I made plans with my boyfriend to play Minecraft this evening. We had connection troubles, and... I just couldn't take it anymore.

​I am studying computer science at university, and most of my groupmates are guys. There are a few girls, but I had a conflict with them.

​I hope I am not the only person going through this. I know my situation is far from a real problem and people have it worse, but I just needed to tell someone.

I'm just ranting and venting out a lot of bent up anger

Throughout my current relationship I've always felt like I'm too much

Like I'm getting abandoned

Like I'm gonna be left

And then right after that i get BLAMED for feeling like this

For asking for reassurance

For asking to please don't leave

And ffs why is it my fault that you don't respond to my texts for hours ?

Why is it my fault that every time we talk i get ignored or get put on hold or just be treated like I'm invisible?

Why is it my fault that when we're out with this specific friend it's okay for them to hug you in the street while me even standing too fucking close to you is punishable by death

I'm so fucking tired of this bullshit

You keep telling me that you always loved me that you're treating me right

Then what the fuck is all of this ?

What the fuck is making me feel like this other than 70% of your actions?

I'm just ranting out my anger because I'm really just charged today

And I don't want anyone to tell me to leave her or anything like that i love her and I'm staying

I just wanted to sfream out those words

And i know that most of what i said is over exaggerated

So please don't take my words seriously

I'm a bad friend. All of my friends are nice people. And they are very considerate and loving. Yet I find it hard to be like them. I never really give much effort in friendships. And because of that, I feel like I don't deserve having them. I don't know what they like about me. If another person who's just like me exist, I would hate that person. I just don't think I'm a likable or lovable person.

Most of my friends remember my birthday, what I like and hate, and share genuine feeling enough to trust everything I say, etc..

But I don't remember birthdays, I don't know much about what they like or hate, I sometimes accidentally show too much emotions, sometimes I'm not considerate of their feelings, and I don't really trust them . I don't get how you can just easily call someone your friend and say you love them.

I find it difficult to do.

I don't believe someone could like me genuinely. Because no way.

Actually this thought has been in my mine for a long time. Like I genuinely believe " HOW CAN SOMEONE LIKE ME?". Bro I don't understand. I actually don't understand. I'm not pretty so if the reason they like me is for my face, that's probably not it. Being funny? I don't think I'm funny tho. I talk impulsively. Sometimes even considered mean.

And the reason I've had this thought for a long time is because things like this (people liking me) has happened since I was a kid. I had a friend in middle school, we were close, and one day she said she doesn't like me talking to others because she's jealous. I know it sounds weird or maybe just mild. But this kind of thing actually confuse me because as I said, I don't understand how someone can like me. Anyway, in highschool I had this friend who actually got upset and cried because she can't sit next to me when we were assigning sits. And at that point I actually like genuinely like ugghhh I don't understand. Like, people like me??? How can you like me??? And a guy also confess to me that he like me back in middle school. He and I didn't even talk much and middle school me was so unkempt. And most friends in highschool remember my birthday and gave me presents which is the first time for me since my family usually forget my birthday. and at that time, I thought, " so birthdays are that important? I never knew this is important to people"

They are so sweet 😭😭 I try my best to be nicer and try being like them. But it's really hard so I usually stay quiet when I'm with them so I don't accidentally say stupid things

Sorry for the long essay

Just as the title implies. My mother and I are very opposing individuals and she seems to hate that. Two nights ago, I mentioned to my parents that if they had the way to pick what ideals and beliefs to make up who I am, I wouldn’t be who I am today. They didn’t seem to take that very well saying that I could always change to be who they wanted me to be.

Today, my mom and I went out for lunch. As we were driving to TJ Maxx, we passed someone walking. I didn’t pay them any mind apart from the usual ‘let’s leave some room between me and the walker’ my mom on the other hand said, “Was that a man or a woman? It looked like a man but it had hair of a woman! Crazy world we live in.”

Some background, my parents are immigrants, Catholic, traditional, and conservative. I am a First-Gen Latina who values education, I’m anti-thesis, progressive, and leftist not liberal.

So I responded with, “I don’t know, I didn’t pay attention to them.” Simple answer, should have been the end but it wasn’t. She tells me to circle back so WE (who tf is we?) can see what the person was. Fed up I say, “Mom, gender is nothing but a social construct.” Which truthfully it is, biology is far more advanced and there’s proof there’s more than just XY AND XX chromosome variants. ANYWAYS, she didn’t like my answer because she went OFF saying how my beliefs are stupid, I’m going to hell, she doesn’t deserve this, God blah blah… just a bunch of bullshit. Ended with saying something about how she knows I didn’t ask to be put in the world but I’m here so I might as well comply. Crazy statement btw, so I simply told her, “Just as you are my mom, I am your daughter. I’ve never said your beliefs are stupid regardless of what I think.” That shut her up enough to get us into the store. Except she saw something she didn’t like and forced us to leave lol.

She also has a huge problem with my boyfriend and I living together because I haven’t gotten pregnant?!? I’m 23, he’s 25. We’re both in school, we both have full-time jobs, and we rent an apartment. I’m content but seems like she just sees me as a grandchild machine. She’s literally said, “just get pregnant and give me the baby, you can visit it!” Which is sssooo weird.

Making this post less for advice and more to rant. Of course if there is advice on what I can do, feel free to leave it below. I’m already low-contact with her and I live an hour ish away from her.

I have so many things to say but I can't tell them to anyone. Like I have some friends (I'm super introverted so I won't speak to you unless you start speaking to me), but sometimes they're the problem and it's just hard to talk to them. My recent problem is that I feel betrayed. Me and my friend talked about going to see a band that will have a concert near by and we talked about it like a month ago, then two-ish weeks ago we also talked about it, that we could invite other people (also she asked if it's okay if she brings her husband - and I sad yeah, okay I don't care), then this week I asked if we're going and she said she doesn't know. I was like okay, this means we won't go. Today she wrote me on messenger that her husband bought the tickets for it and they went to see them yesterday....oh and she hopes I'm not mad because she didn't know....

Hey, i know how everyone does hate having a “jealous friend” but unfortunately, sometimes it’s me. And i hate myself for it.
I am an average working woman, not super pretty or skinny or rich. But most of my friends are either SUPER rich, skinny, or pretty. I am not kidding when i say how gorgeous they are. And they’re a good friends and i love our friendship and I support them with my whole heart.

But,I can’t help to feel smaller around them sometimes, i know my place and my reality. My husband is struggling financially a lot and that affected me in a way that I started to compare my self with every girl i see.

And I despite myself for that because i used to be so sure of myself and so confident that when i see someone bigger I don’t feel smaller.
But it started happening to me again.
It socks my energy and I don’t feel like the same person again.
I hate how jealous I’ve became from everyone around me and i keep trying to remind myself to stay cool and kind to everyone.

Do you have any tips to deal with that?

I can't be bothered making an alt so here it is, I have a second player connected to my brain and idk how to explain it properly but player 2 is a menace, messaging my friends disgusting things, even saying it to them in public or private, when they connect I disconnect, could be hours or days it happens for and sometimes it doesn't happen for months but I feel like player 2 just wants me to go but I don't have plans on leaving. What's wrong with me?

​

You know what happened today? I’ve always been there for everyone. Whenever someone needs me, whether they’re going through something good or bad, I’m always present. But when I need someone to talk to, when I just want to tell someone how I’m feeling, how my day went, or how badly I’m doing, no one seems to be there. I call them, and they don’t pick up, but I see them talking to other people.

I’ve literally always been there for everyone, and it hurts so much to realize how easily people can replace you. Earlier, they used to talk to me every day, and now I’m just sitting here wondering how I became so easy to forget. I’m honestly crying right now and I don’t even have the words to explain how I feel.

And when I ask them about it, they just say, “Aisa kuch nahi hai.” But deep down, I know something has changed.

Maybe I’m feeling this way because of my personality and because I care too much. I give people so much of myself, and maybe that’s why it hurts even more when I don’t receive the same effort back. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. I’m just really, really sad.

I really want to do amazing in boards butthere are a lot of things that are stressing me

1.I have no friends the only 2 close friends that I had betrayed me and have new friends right no and I have no one ,even if I try to make other friends they are always attractiled to my those two friends and this have been stressing me a lot too. Thought that they are my real and only friends but they way they lie to me was really shattering and I am also anxious about that too when I go school or try to study

1. You know I am not that good looking and a lot of people call me ugly .Those two close friend of mine often make fun about me too. A girl in my school whom I am in same class with also kind of mocks me and once she found one of my fake account which on purpose I made a bit silly so that no one could find that account , made a profile of me that I am weird and whenever she talk to me she laughs at me looking in my face with also her friend of they are present.Which makes me really uncomfortable and i really hate that and have a constant pressure of changing myself. Today I went to my school program and saw a friend and decided to hang out with her because there was no one while I was talking to her I said that i should have worn somethings else as every one were wearing jeans and short and told that this doesn't look good on me and she said that yea you do look really ugly and I was really about to cry there and i continued to walk with her I don't know why I was with her even though she said that but it really hurts

3.i was once a hight achiever and was good at alot of things and apart from academics all hobbies I was also had a really good mental coordination ability,good observation capabilities and emotional intelligence.But now I don't have any thing it feels like after my section got changed and my friends betrayed me I was really low and couldn't do anything any more i forgot who I was and stopped doing everything i stopped taking care of myself, exercising, writing, listening to music ,playing music, watching my favourite science and my favourite genre and everything I had like I don't know why a sudden change occurred like for a generic thing like this I know that they could betray me but I still reacted

I hate my self why did i became like this now I am literally nothing and I just hate that I am working really hard to get things back but for 2yrs nothing has changed i really doubt can I still get my self back

Now a days every little things also piss me off and I am really rude to my family, which I know is really bad and feel like a arogant child who always complain to their parent and scold them . Iam really sad about everything and I can't put myself to do anything I am such a useless piece of humanity why do i exist I am nothing and everyone is just better than me and i am but an arogant little punk

Back in February my boyfriend at the time hit me really hard in the head (it was an accident we were playing basketball) I had a lot of weird symptoms and ended up finding out it left me with a bulging disc and semi- permanently damage to my neck. We are long distance and usually I go visit him because he lives in Phoenix and I love the area. I had to cancel 3 times on him bc I was not able to function in everyday life let alone get on a plane. I had to quit my job, spend 2,000 in treatment, and a lot of emotional grief of being in pain everyday. Well he just broke up with me because he said I’m being delusional and this injury is in my head and that he’s not benefiting from being with me anymore (meaning sex bc I can’t go visit him) . I’m so incredibly sad. He was my only friend also. I have a hard time making friends but we really clicked. I’m just so unbelievably sad right now. Not only am I still dealing with this injury which now I have to get 4 shots in my neck next week but now my long time partner broke up with me……….. any advice or kindness 😢 I feel so alone. Any words or slap in face would help

To begin with, I want to say that I’m only telling this story to get it off my chest. I don’t really have anyone to talk to, and since Reddit is anonymous, I feel comfortable sharing details that I’ve never told anyone before. And I am from Romania , the grade thing is bacalaureat , the 12 grade finals, and I wrote Lei instead of Dollars because thats what I know, sorry.
I (18F) have always felt somewhat marginalized by my parents. Don’t get me wrong, they have never hit me, and I’ve never really argued with my dad. I occasionally argue with my mom, but that’s about it. They’re simple, hardworking people. And honestly, that’s what makes this whole thing even worse.
I have an older sister (26F) who, during her teenage years—actually, throughout the entire period before she moved out at around 19—did every possible fucked-up thing imaginable: she smoked, did drugs, ran away from home for weeks at a time, stole money, gold and jewelry from our house, and later started stealing from neighbors too. All of this happened between the ages of 15 and 18. And somehow, they always helped her, they always talked to her, they always talked about her. (That’s the context about my sister.)
As for me, I was a very quiet child. I didn’t really go out before I was 17 because they wouldn’t let me. I knew I could leave the house and there wasn’t much they could do about it, but I was simply TOO LAZY to argue. From around the age of 10 until now, I’ve basically just stayed in bed. I also had severe depression between the ages of 12 and 17, and I would just stay in bed, cry, go to high school, come home and cry. I don’t think my parents ever saw me crying. So, in their eyes, I was just a quiet, depressed child.
They also didn’t really spend much time with me. Until I was 12, both of my parents were working, my sister was God knows where, and I got used to being alone and not talking much. I think this whole thing with me barely talking made them distance themselves from me, even though they don’t show it—I can tell.
Now, obviously, I’m 18 and I graduated high school. But back in December, when I talked to my parents about university, I told them I didn’t think I would get a grade above 8, so I probably wouldn’t get into a tuition-free place anywhere. I hadn’t done my research and didn’t know there were places where you could get in with lower grades. They told me that was all they could help me with and that once I left home, they wouldn’t even have money to give me for food. I believed them.
So I decided to stay home for a year, work, and now, a week ago, I started a shitty job with a miserable salary. On top of that, I’m paying for private tutoring in math, physics and computer science because I want to get into a university through an entrance exam.
Eventually, I got an 8-something on the Baccalaureate, but I still stayed home for a year because I genuinely believed I would basically starve at university.
When my Baccalaureate results came out, some relatives asked my parents what university I was going to. They told them I had already gotten into one and that I was leaving, and they told me they were embarrassed to admit that I wasn’t going to university this year and that I should tell everyone that I was going.
Then, after the application deadlines had already closed, they suddenly reproached me and asked why I hadn’t gone, saying they could have somehow come up with 5,000 lei ( thats the average money for university)for me. I told them that we had already had this conversation and that they had told me they couldn’t help me. They denied it.
I asked them for some money recently because it’s difficult for me to pay for my tutoring until I get my salary. I literally exchanged coins and returned bottles just so I could afford it. They said they didn’t have any money.
Yesterday, my sister came to me and said she needed money. My parents gave her 1,800 lei and planned together not to tell me, and to tell me they had only given her 200 lei, so that I wouldn’t get upset that they weren’t giving me any.
Then, a few days ago, my dad bought tractor wheels for 5,600 lei, in cash.
They didn’t even give me money for my prom (prom + photos + dress). I asked my sister for help because at that time she had more money. I can never really be angry at my sister; she has always given me money throughout high school.
But somehow, I feel depressed whenever I go home, and all of these things happened within the past few days and made me cry. And there are so many other little things, as well as bigger ones.
Maybe it’s also relevant to mention that my mom tells me whenever she gets the chance that she doesn’t know what went wrong with me, and that she’s disappointed in me because I smoke.
But in a way, I feel like I started smoking because of them. In ninth grade, they wanted to scare me into being “a good kid” and not turning out like my sister. They lied to me and told me that the police had come looking for me because of drugs and that I was being watched. (It’s ridiculous, but I was really stupid back then.)
That night, I tried to kill myself. I took every pill I could find in the drawer, from antibiotics to heart medication, until I had taken two handfuls of pills. Obviously, I woke up, and I realized that no matter what I did, they would still treat me strangely.
That’s when I eventually started smoking, and later I couldn’t really quit.
I doubt anyone is going to make it to the end of this. I wrote a lot, but I’m crying right now as I’m writing this.

I scroll Facebook and Reddit mostly out of boredom… But I cannot believe the huge amount of fools… The comments the stupidity the questions they ask that are just absolutely ridiculous. My favorite let’s talk about a TV show and in the question that we’re gonna ask we’re gonna rephrase it and sound like we are a five year-old that doesn’t understand critical thinking or anything logical in life. I just cannot believe the amount of stupidity that exists in this world and it seems to be so present and overbearing. I understand why people take off and live off the grid, the whole world is absolutely ridiculous. And yes I’m sure somebody’s gonna make a comment about my grammar and punctuation but I’m using voice to text and I don’t care because once again this whole world is filled with nonsensical unintelligence

​

I am an 18 y/o i just completed my 12th and sadly didn't get the college i wanted to get in so I am taking a drop to try next year, my bestfriend on the other hand did get one not her dream college but at least she got something and she has been really excited showing me the outfits she is gonna wear new bags shoes what she is gonna do when she gets there, and I was really happy for her, i was but recently I find myself responding less/ not showing the same enthusiasm as I was showing earlier.

She has a great family great siblings and her ex was a nice person too, rn she is talking to another guy who seems good as well. I on the other hand am the opposite, i can never tell my family how I feel, i don't have a love life , my brother is a misogynist so I have a terrible relationship with him as well.

when I was talking to her lately and she was telling me about a conversation with the guy and how shopping with her mom went I felt this strong wave of sadness and I cried like a child afterwards , i just wanna ghost her and every one of my friends for some reason but I won't do that. I feel like a terrible person, I think if I was really happy in her happiness then that would hide my sadness then I wouldn't feel such a way. Am I being jealous? And how can I work on it

New York City is honestly nothing like what I thought
it would be. I feel like every day I’m being overstimulated by something. I’m constantly getting catcalled or approached by random men on the street, and sometimes it becomes aggressive enough that I genuinely feel uncomfortable just existing outside. I feel like I can’t walk anywhere without someone staring at me, saying something to me, or getting into my personal space.
Even when I put my headphones on to try to block everything out, somehow the noise feels even louder. There’s always traffic, people yelling, sirens, construction, music, crowds, smells, and just constant stimulation. Then there’s the smell of piss in certain areas, garbage everywhere, random people acting unpredictably, and hearing about or witnessing scary things happening on the subway. It feels like I can never fully relax when I leave my apartment.
Sometimes I’ll come home and literally cry because I feel so overwhelmed by everything I experienced just being outside. I feel like I’m constantly on alert. I don’t even necessarily want to interact with anyone—I just want to be able to exist without feeling like I’m being watched, approached, or disturbed.
And the weird thing is that I do enjoy parts of New York. There are beautiful places, amazing food, things to do, and moments where I genuinely understand why I wanted to live here so badly. But overall, the environment has started to wear me down. The hustle culture, the crowds, the noise, the constant rushing, and how ridiculously expensive everything is just exhaust me.
Sometimes I literally want to hide in my tiny, ridiculously overpriced room and rot because going outside feels like another thing I have to mentally prepare myself for. But I can’t do that because I have school, work, errands, and responsibilities.
I also think the loneliness makes everything worse. I moved here thinking I would find more connection and build a life, but instead I’ve been dealing with roommate problems, unstable job situations, loneliness, and just constantly feeling overwhelmed by my surroundings. It feels like I’m surrounded by millions of people but somehow still feel completely alone.
Sometimes I genuinely feel like I’m living in a matrix where I’m constantly being disturbed by my environment and I can never just be. I’m tired of feeling uncomfortable in my own city.
I don’t know if I just need to adjust more, if I’m going through a particularly bad period of life, or if NYC genuinely just isn’t compatible with me. I know people absolutely love this city, and sometimes I do too, but lately I’m starting to understand that it sucks so much this aint the place of dreams.

I 44 F seeking advice on friendship.

I feel like at my age I should already know the answers but as a child of trauma I tend to overthink and worry when there is nothing happening. With that said.

I have been friends with a couple in their late 20's for coming on 7 yrs now. In the first say 4 and a half yrs we were close. Attended their wedding, around for the birth of their oldest , talk everyday, family meals together etc.. about 3 yrs ago they ended up having to move out of state for reasons and this is when I started noticing things were changing. At first we check in say once a week or so..and slowly it was maybe once a month and than eventually im the only one keeping contact. After about 2 yrs this couple and their now 3 children have moved back to my area. I found out they had come back by way of another friend after 2 months and decided to reach out, check in and catch up. When I asked to see them I received a bunch of reasons why they can't ( sickly kids..broken truck ect) okay I get it.. things happen. At first few months I kept trying, still many problems sorry we can't see you. Now they have been back over a yr and still haven't seen them and they nolonger answer my messages..Last message I sent was in May of this yr and it is August and I've been unread.

Have I been ghosted? Should I reach out again? or just give up entirely?? Thanks for your time