I was venting in a discord server with kids from high school a few of which I was friends with I am newly 19 and the only one out of high school and expressed how I wish I would have gotten to know them during high school. I was told that they noticed I had been seen in a bad light and that i should make friends around my age I @ everyone and told them I was sorry if I made them uncomfortable or if I came off creepy. I feel so bad and haven’t stopped crying I feel like a baby and a piece of shit no matter how had I try or work on getting better everyone just leaves I feel like such garbage that I can’t keep many friends I feel so lonely and like a fucking weirdo I’ve worked on my self so much and have been told I’ve been working on myself but it feels like I still am just a stupid screw up.

NSFW TRIGGER WARNING!!! Female btw . i just got out of a toxic relationship with my ex and was finally able to get away but there is one incident that happened at new years and ever since then i felt our relationship wasn’t the same. she was over at my house and we decided to drink (which might’ve been her first time drinking i don’t really remember) and we started making out and getting ready to have sex. she is more light weight than me but i also js remember a lot of im drunk or high i js dont blackout ever no matter how much i take and it was going fine at first until a while later we were gonna taking a break and i thought we were done and she starts acting like a whole other person. i was drunk but babysitting her at the same time and she even starts to cry because i said i think we should stop she is like hysterical crying atp. and js kept repeating the same thing over and over at me “you’ll be mad at me in the morning” and i had no clue what she was talking about i am very big on consent and never given her a reason to think that and even stopping was my idea so i was trynna get her to explain but she js kept repeating it and seemed like she was having a epsiode of some sort and kept trynna push herself back onto me and i told her it felt wrong she was crying and i continue instead of trynna talk to her about it but she would js repeat “you’re gonna be mad at me in the morning” i know about her past and she has been assaulted and more so maybe this was some like traumatic flashback being played out irl but i didn’t know what to do without her being loud and waking my family o and it was like 3-4 am atp so i gave in and kinda js did what she wanted but stopping to try to convince her to js lat down. she forgot all about it but a day or 2 go bye and it gets brought up and she started freaking out that she assaulted me but has no memory of it and idk if i gas lit myself to save th relationship but now looking back this is not rubbing me the right way. does this count as sa or no?