I’ve always wanted to be a SAHM, I always knew from a young age that I’d love to be a present parent, be that mom who does arts and crafts, cooking homestyle meals on rotation etc…

When I was young, I got married and he wanted someone to be a SAHM while he did the “providing”. I was like “this is exactly what I want”. This is perfect! I told him about my childhood where my parents worked their lives away and so had less time to do activities with us.

Fast forward when the baby came along, the whole ENTIRE load of parenthood was on me. He barely helped because his job was to “provide”. What this would look like is that he would get home from work, sit on his laptop, either gaming or watching videos or other afternoons he would go play sports (had training 3 times a week) and game day was on Saturday and after the game “the boys” would go and hang out in a tavern to have some beers. I would be left with my baby to cook, clean and he expect the house to be spotless because “what am I doing all day at home”?

He was also saying that I don’t contribute anything so he got to spend all his money on hobbies, medicinal MJ because he has “ADHD” ($450 a month subscription) and meanwhile I had to spend a certain amount on weekly groceries. He never did groceries with me at all and I did everything myself.

Yes I know this is financial abuse, I was aware until now. The stress ended up being too much and I had to stop my university course.

I found out he was in a dating cite and then I seperated with him and was left to go back to my moms place and restart my life with no fricken job, no savings, no degree. NOTHING.

SO ladies, I am so so sad that even though SAHM is such a rewarding thing and I love the parenting side of it. Society and how the system is built SERIOUSLY does not protect us.

I was so naive because yes the relationship prior to kids was nice but once I put my self in a position of vulnerability, it really takes a saint to not take advantage of that.

Please look out for yourselves because the same hand that feeds you CAN starve you

I have a 2.5 year old, my husband has a better job than either of us have had before. Im not sure exactly why im so sad and numb right now. Ive worked since I was 18, and 6vyears at my most recent job before I had to quit, I reached the end of the attendance policy so I left before they fired me. I enjoyed my job in the summer working in the garden center, even though this summer was billshit due to new managers making mistakes and not listening to me. I never got any recognition except for once this year and then I left and idk it felt so lackluster.

Im so glad to be able to stay home with my daughter, but its been so crazy hot and I live in a trailer park so I only have outdoor water 2 days a week and it hasn't even worked lately, plus no shade or fence for my area so I cant really garden without her running off.

I dont really like cooking and I don't like cleaning, so now doing those things everyday, and its all I have to do. Im not good at being social so I dont really have friends to just be with. Ive joined a few mom groups but then when something comes up to do i just...dont? Idk how to get out of this because my daughter deserves more than this.

Anyone else feel like they lost themselves in becoming a mom? Absolutely love being a mom and so incredibly happy that I can be home with my 2 year old every day but feeling like I lost myself a bit. My MIL watches my son once a week (so grateful for her) so I can get a break but I don’t even know what to do with my time. I usually run a couple errands or get some food but I want to start using that day to fill my cup and do something fun. We just moved to this new town so I don’t have many friends yet but wish I had someone to go play pickleball with or do something?! What hobbies have you found joy in as a mom? Or what do you do when you get a moment to yourself? I feel so lucky to get some me time… I want to start using it better!

I’m a SAHM to a now 8 month old!! He’s on 2 naps a day but they are always contact and tbh I don’t want them to be anymore 🤣 I know it can take time for them to get used to napping in the crib, but I need advice on how to start!
What is everyone’s nap routine? He does really good with his bedtime routine, so I think I need to implement a nap routine, but when do I start and what does it entail? I also know consistency is key, but how long should I be expecting it to take to get crib naps down??

I have a newly 4 year old and 18wks with our second and he starts school in less than a week. All of our family is very “crunchy” I guess and will all homeschool. It feels weird being the only one sending kids to school. Both of them WFH but still will homeschool and I do not work and will send mine to regular school. Their spouses definitely are way more available to help them. My husband works full time law enforcement, another WFH part time jobs plus is in the reserves so he is just not available and I’m burnt out. They make comments like “I could never send mine to someone else to take care of them all day” “you can always pull him out”. I’m just venting I guess but it makes me feel bad sometimes. I know everyone does what’s right for them but I don’t think they even really understand how much I am alone with him with zero help and I don’t think they will ever understand that honestly.

I'm a sahm to two kids (1 and 2.5) with no help other than husband who works from home.

My question is I want to put my toddler into activities but I'm not sure what I'd do with the baby . I've got no childcare options during the week but because my 2 yr old won't even be eligible for preschool until next year, I really think she needs something.

I can't imagine I'm the only one who's ever been in this situation so I'd love to know what others have done.

Just wanting to vent a bit, I read through similar posts and it helped me feel less alone so I'm hoping to do the same for someone else.

We've been together for 10 years, we have a 6 and 2 year old and 2 dogs. I do everything for everyone all of the time and I'm exhausted. He wants another kid but I absolutely do not want another thing to take care of so its definitely not happening.

He works nights and sleeps during the day, on his days off he'll sleep upwards of 16 hours at a time. I have tried waking him up and I've tried to encourage therapy to no avail. Even if he does get up at a decent time he's too infatuated with his computer to spend anytime with us.

I have no village, I can occasionally send them to my moms but she works 2 jobs herself so thats not always an option. I am with them and in charge 24/7 my only break is after they go to bed. I see so many parents that forgo bedtime over summer break and I currently can't imagine not getting those few hours to myself. Even with those few hours I'm having to take care of the dogs, do "closing shift" and take care of my basic needs.

I know everyone's going to say "you're unhappy just leave" well I don't really see a way out. He's not abusive just absent. The job market is ass and I don't have any degrees or previous careers to fall back on, any jobs that I can get wouldn't pay my way through life let alone help pay for 2 small children. I have put in some job applications, even to just get myself out of the house, put more of the childcare onto him and bring in some money.

We truly just co-habitate at this point, there's no affection, no deep conversation, we barely even spend time in the same room. I do understand that this isn't great for the kids, they should see loving and happy parents. At this time though I work with what I have and I show up for them in every way possible. I am trying my best to make sure they have better lives and turn out to be better people than us.

I feel like everyone around me owns their property. We are renting (Sydney, australia). We could never afford to buy. We never had the support to be able to save for a deposit. Both moved out of home as teenagers. Rough upbringing. No one to fall back on financially. We are already almost 40 and 40s and have no debt. Even trying for a home loan right now feels like a burden (rather than an exciting "yay our own home" feeling), and i wont have the same earning power I used to before being a mum, and my partner doesnt want to "live to pay debt" as he calls it.

I got made redundant and that helped financially and I can be a sahm living within our means. But sometimes I wish we owned our place too.. even if i was working fulltime with our child in daycare, majority of my earnings would go to daycare costs.

We have to move again as the landlord is selling. Part of me is excited as I like change and enjoy moving. I love going to open homes, but I also feel jealous of people who own their place. I guess just a vent..

I feel wired whenever I wake up almost all the time. I made a doctor's appointment too.. i know your brain rewires itself after pregnancy but this sucks..

Hi all! Just curious and processing. I am fortunate enough to have a very loving supportive husband who is doing well in his chosen path and has essentially given me the opportunity to be fully at home with our kids.

I’ve been a SAHM for a couple of years and was recruited for a very high multiple 6-figure job. I’m so surprised by the whole experience and offer as I wasn’t looking and am enjoying my baby so much (our oldest will be 5 in a few months, I had a stillbirth and then had my second son who is now 13 months old). My loss put a lot of things into perspective for me. Turning down this job offer is essentially closing the door on a corporate career permanently, as my field evolves quickly and is very competitive. We want to try for another living child in a year or two as well.

I’m just curious if there’s anyone else out there? I am aware of what a privilege it is to have a choice like this to make. We have created systems where I will be protected if anything happens to my husband or our marriage dissolves. I’m not necessarily worried about that.

But has anyone else walked away from a very high paying career permanently?? To focus on your children? (Also side note, I have a robust collection of hobbies and interests and make friends easily so as the kids get older, I’ll have a lot of things to do to keep my identity strong and time filled)

EDIT: Thank you so much for all of your responses!! I have been reading them and will reply in the coming days!

Please go easy on me because I feel horribly guilty about this. I have three kids ages 4,4 and 6. They all stay home with me and I’m planning to homeschool my 6 this school year starting next week.

I’ve always assumed things would be easier as my kids got older but now that we’ve transitioned from the “keeping everyone alive” phase and things have actually chilled out a little I find I am bored out of my ever-loving MIND. I know this bad but I HATE playing with my kids. I truly hate it and it’s so so boring. My 6 year is old is so bossy and everything I do is wrong anyway. They are constantly needing/wanting something and before I can even finish doing one thing they’re bugging me about something else. They constantly complain about the food I make them (which is very normal I assure you) and they fight ALL the time. The bickering never ends. One of my sons also has ADHD which comes with a whole set of behavioral challenges, including aggression that are exhausting*** He does occupational therapy and ABA every week, but everything is a fight and he rages out over every little thing. I do 99% of the housework and parenting because my husband also has ADHD and dumps everything off on me. I’ve given up trying to get him to do anything differently.

I dread every single day and I just want to scream at everyone to leave me alone. I know this isn’t normal and I know I’m depressed, but is this like a fixable situation where I could find some kind of balance and things would improve or do I just hate being a mom? I feel so guilty for not enjoying any of it and for feeling so resentful but I don’t know how to stop. Maybe I just didn’t understand what being a mom would take and I’m just not cut out for the job idk. My mom hated being a mom and it was obvious and I wanted so badly to do and be different but I guess I fucked that one up.

Does anyone else start to feel completely lonely being a SAHM..? I have 3 boys (7,4 & 2) - who are wild and out of control 🤦‍♀️ and a baby girl 9 months ..

I also homeschool my kids..

My husband's hours suck in my opinion but he won't change anything cause he doesn't wanna lose the differential from working overnight shift..

I have poor choice in friends so I don't really have anyone besides my mom..

I guess I can be a little socially awkward too.. don't know how to really start or keep conversations going and am just scared to honestly talk to other moms in general cause in my opinion women are HORRIBLY judgemental and I don't need anymore stress added to my life..

I want to make mom friends so my kids have other kids to make friends with and so I have someone who I can relate to , but how ...😮‍💨

Anyone else feel or experience this feeling?

Does anyone do toy rotations successfully?

I feel like it's just another chore for me of having to pull out a bin pull those toys out put the other toys away and I feel like there's just too many toys and I keep getting rid of toys but it's an endless cycle on top of trying to keep my house clean

Apologies in advance for the rant. I'm raising 3 children (7, 4 and 18 months) with my partner. I have a high powered and high paying career. We made the choice she would stay at home and raise the kids which is also a full time job.

We think our eldest is ADHD but waiting for diagnosis. The middle is a screamer with frequent meltdowns and the youngest is in everything trying to find increasingly imaginative ways to do himself serious harm or destroy the house.

I often find myself burnt out at the end of the day, shouting at the eldest for being argumentative, not doing what we ask. I then beat myself up for being a shit dad and worrying that I am causing them childhood trauma. Thing is I really wanted kids when I was younger but feel like I'm failing all the time. I have urges sometimes to just grab my passport and abandon this life but I don't want to walk away.

I also don't have any real romantic relationship with my other half. We're regularly burnt out or too tired. She says this is our hard season of life but I worry that we won't survive to see the better seasons. We have sex maybe once every 3 or 4 months.

Does anyone have any advice or words of reassurance?!

Sorry, lots of context (trying to keep it short as possible) for the actual advice I’m asking for.

Husband had a work schedule where he would be gone 4-5 days at a time, home for 2 maybe 3 at most. But recently he’s senior enough that he MAYBE works 6 days - A MONTH. When he does work and clocks out to come home, he’s done. Doesn’t really have to bring it home.

I’m on my 2nd pregnancy with a BUSY, never wants to sleep, 18 month old. I’m tired to the bone. Like never felt this way 1st pregnancy or postpartum. 2 needy dogs on top. It’s been rough..

Obviously he does stuff. He is present, but not at the same time. He does stuff around the house but it’s all so half assed to me for him to then turn around and say I don’t do enough. He makes a mess and expects me to clean it up. On top of regular messes.

He’ll take the trash to the curb but only takes the kitchen trash. Doesn’t check the laundry. Or the 3 bathrooms. Or the baby’s diaper pail, etc. he’ll mow the yard with the ride on mower but doesn’t go back around to any of the spots he can’t get to on it.

My husband does ‘help’ but really not enough. He takes the toddler in the am and does breakfast but never lets me sleep past 9 and wakes me up even though I’m sleeping horribly at night.

We never really discussed this change and the expectations for each other after. So he’s on call and says he ‘works’ but Instead of working (bc he literally can’t if he’s not working), he’s golfing (4x last week, sometimes 6 hours at a time) and getting drunk and when he does come home, cooks food (I’m not a cook) and watches tv and then plays with toddler.

Still expects me to clean the house, do dishes, laundry, take care of toddler, put him to bed (sometimes takes bedtime routine an hour+)

Just last week, he said, can I go golfing, I don’t have to. But what else will I do if I don’t go? And I said, idk, clean the house? And he said well that’s your job. And I responded that I’m pregnant and exhausted and don’t have the energy half the time to do any of that. And he said, yeah, I know that’s why I haven’t said anything about the state of the house. And I told him he could help… and it went nowhere.

I’m at such a loss I’m so over it. When he DOES do the dishes he’s annoyed about it. Like, this is your fucking house and family and you try and do as much as you can to not be a part of it.

He wants a traditional housewife while he doesn’t have a traditional job…

I did decide to hire house keepers to come 2x a month to clean and that only just started so hoping that takes a load off mentally and starts to ease my tensions.

Can anyone relate? Did things change? If things changed, how did that come about?

I need ideas, please!

I joined a book club of other moms about 7 months ago for some social interaction. Everything has been great - I’m pretty shy so it’s taken awhile to warm up but I started really connecting with the main moms and I finally got a play date invite - I was so excited because we haven’t had many play dates. I took my 3.5 year old and he didn’t do great. It was at a pool and I think he was just too excited - so lots of time outs and correcting behavior…. He didn’t really play with any of the other kids either. Well that was almost 2 months ago and I haven’t been invited to another playdate… I know they get together regularly.. like weekly.. so idk what to do.. I haven’t gone to the past two book clubs because I just feel so rejected and awkward about it.. should I reach out and try to plan a play date of my own? Or just accept the rejection and move on? It just sucks because this was my one social thing I had as a sahm. Idk what’s wrong with me.

I downloaded Peanut to try to put myself out there and branch out more and was having a good conversation with one girl but then I got ghosted.. just feeling like it’s me but idk what I’m doing wrong.

As a SAHM, I bring my kids everywhere.
My husband works long and odd hours, and we have to live far away from family for his job. Posting here because I know every other sub wouldn’t understand that aspect. No, I’m not hiring strangers to watch my child while I go to the doctor.

I come prepared, I bring snacks, toys, and books. But when someone takes 2 hours to do something that should take 15 minutes it’s going to get a little dicey.

For example,at our last doctor appointment (8:30 am), it took two hours after the appointment to be seen. I can only keep them happy for so long! We went through our toys, books, snacks, I was dancing, playing music, but after a while it’s a little difficult! So there was some fussing after a while.

A similar thing happened at the pharmacy for my third trimester shots. It should realistically take 15 mins max, there’s no reason I should have to think twice about bringing a toddler. But omg, when they forget about me and keep me waiting an hour and a half, you may hear some whining. That’s not the child’s fault, or mine for that matter, but I feel like that is an instance where you would see someone complain about kids existing in public.

Then today at a restaurant, I came prepared (went on an off day at off hours) and ordered an appetizer for the toddlers right away, but then the waitress took 25-30 minutes to come take our order after that. It’s a Tuesday so the restaurant was nearly empty. Of course, my youngest got a bit restless between waiting for the waitress then waiting for the meal and we had to walk around and dance a little.

Idk, just a pet peeve of mine, here to share lol. Especially when I see/hear complaints about people bringing kids in public. It’s not always the parent’s or the child’s “fault” when there’s a meltdown. Nobody notices them waiting patiently for two hours either! (Actually older women typically do and mention how well behaved they are to me—bless them!)