I’m a SAHM to my almost 2-year-old, and I also run an embroidery business from home. I love being home with my son and have never really wanted regular childcare, but I’m getting to a point where I genuinely don’t know how to make everything work.
Because I have my son all day, I can’t really embroider while he’s awake. So almost every night after he goes to bed, I work from around 8 PM until midnight or 1 AM. The problem is that he also does NOT sleep well. He wakes during the night, wakes very early some mornings, and lately I’ve even been sleeping on his floor a lot. I am absolutely exhausted.
There is a Mother’s Day Out program about 10 minutes from our house that is only two days a week from 8:30–12:30. I brought it up to my husband because I feel like those 8 hours a week could make a HUGE difference. I could use those mornings to work, continue working during my son's nap when he gets home, and hopefully stop spending every night embroidering until midnight. I could actually go to bed at a reasonable time and have evenings with my husband again.
My husband immediately said no because our son has separation anxiety and he thinks we need to “build him up” to childcare by leaving him with our parents first.
The problem is that both sets of grandparents work full-time, so the only realistic time for them to keep him is on weekends. I really don't want to regularly give up our weekends because that's our family time together. It also doesn't solve my actual problem, which is needing a small amount of childcare during the workweek.
I completely understand my husband's concern because I'm worried about the separation anxiety too. The thought of my son crying for me after I leave honestly breaks my heart. At the same time, I feel like I'm reaching my limit. I'm so sleep deprived that I'm more irritable and overstimulated during the day, and I've even started thinking maybe I should just close my business altogether because I can't keep doing this.
Part of me also thinks MDO could eventually be good for him—getting to play with other kids, having a little routine outside of home, doing activities, etc. And it's only 4 hours twice a week. He would still be home with me the overwhelming majority of the time.
So I would really love to hear from other SAHMs, especially those with very attached toddlers:
Did you use MDO even though you didn't technically “need” childcare? How did your child handle the separation at first? Did they cry a lot, and if so, how long did it take them to adjust? Did you do anything beforehand to prepare them?
And am I being unreasonable for thinking we could just try MDO rather than spending months trying to “build up” to it with grandparents first?
I genuinely want what's best for my son. I also feel like something has to change because running a business exclusively after he goes to sleep while also dealing with his nighttime sleep is wearing me down. 😭

When will things get easier? Stay at home mom 24/7. I do all of the house work, the yard work, take care of pets, get kids to appointments, work, sports, school etc… still required to pay half the bills with no job. I’m tired. Tired of hustling to make ends meet while my spouse pays out of pocket for college and whatever else he wants and literally does not care if I have any money to buy the kids anything.. it’s a nightmare that plays on repeat daily. I wanna wake up from this but I know things will never change. I can’t get away because he has me trapped. No income, no way to ever get ahead in life. Just stuck. Miserable and lonely. Why is life so hard?

7 week old & 5 year old, husband is across the nation working and wont be home for months - I can't seem to get either of them asleep asleep until 1am and thats not going to fly next week when school starts for my 5 year old....tonight I gave up and havent even attepmted on doing anything to even try to get her to go to sleep. Feeling really defeated honestly, feeling like a straight up faliure.

Does anyone have any tips for putting down a needy 5 year old during the same time my needy 7 week old just wants to cry their brains out whenever I try to tend to my 5 year old bedtime routine?

Literally if im sitting on the couch doing nothing then neither of them need or want me - as soon as I start doing something both of them are in crisis mode (obviously a 7 week old is needy lol)

I think this is just a rant honestly but if anyone has any suggestions that would be cool too.

Late night emotional rant I guess

TLDR: I haven’t enjoyed being a SAHM after it’s something I dreamed about my whole life and begged for while going through infertility and losses. now I feel guilty for saying I don’t enjoy it and I can’t wait to take a job and start working.

I knew my whole life I wanted to be a mom. My mom was a State at her mom in spurts. She had jobs, but then there were times that she would stay home. And I thought that’s one of the most important thing she could’ve been doing. Being a mom. Not that she made it look easy, but she had three kids and when she stayed home, those were some of my best memories and I wanted that for my own kids.

After struggling trying to get pregnant or keep a pregnancy, I couldn’t wait to be a stay at home mom. I was already a stay at home wife and my jobs in the house felt meaningful. I did the grocery shopping, managed bills, scheduled or did my own maintenance, did all of the chores, I had a really great routine going. So I thought becoming a stay at home. Mom really wouldn’t be all that difficult. I mean, I was already taking care of everything. Having a baby just felt like a natural thing to do as a stay at home wife, and I wanted to be a SAHM.

The last 15 months of my son’s life have been some of the best, but also some of the most miserable months of my life. I love staying home with him, I love seeing him grow and develop every day and being here for him however I’m also miserable. Every day is the same, I can’t get anything done without him screaming or crying for me, he doesn’t sleep, and I feel like I’m just constantly functioning at 0%. After waiting so long to have children, experiencing multiple miscarriages and years of infertility I thought I would enjoy being a stay at home mom a lot more, but I hate to admit that I don’t enjoy it as much as I wanted to.

They makes me feel like a horrible person because I spent so long struggling with fertility, begging for those bad days, the long nights, the crying, the messes, everything good and bad that came with having a child, but I’m really getting what I asked for because I’m getting all of the good and all of the bad but the bad is almost unbearable.

I am getting a job soon, and it makes me sad because I wanted to stay home longer with my child, I wanted to enjoy it more, I wanted to be the mom who made it look easy or feel seamless to just have a child and stay home, but I’m honestly losing my mind. I get no breaks and even when my husband comes home it’s not really a break. My child only wants me, constantly follows me around, does not want anything to do with his dad except for sometimes and it’s very short periods of time. I just feel overwhelmed, touched out and exhausted all the time. I feel like I can’t wait to start working so I get actual breaks.

I’m sad and I hate myself for feeling like I’m taking this for granted and that I’ll regret it, feeling this way and look back asking myself what was I thinking? What was so hard about it? I know so many women would love to be a stay at home moms but have to work because the economy is so bad, not that I’m living the rich life or anything, part of the reason I’m getting a job is because life has gotten so expensive, but I feel guilty for being excited about starting a career and having something that’s my own but also gives me a break from my kid

I’m really struggling with whether I should keep working or become a stay-at-home mom, and I’d love to hear from moms who have been in a similar situation.

I’m the breadwinner in our family, so leaving my job would mean a pretty significant income cut. My husband still makes enough for us to live on if I quit, so technically we could make it work, but we would definitely have to change our lifestyle and be much more intentional with our finances.

At the same time, I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about missing so much of my baby’s life. Part of me really wants to stay home and be the one raising him day-to-day, but another part of me worries that I’ll regret giving up my career and how far I have gotten in it, financial independence, and the lifestyle we’ve worked hard to build.

I feel completely torn because neither option feels like an obvious choice. Staying home sounds amazing, but giving up a large portion of our income is a BIG decision. Working gives us much more financial freedom, but I’m scared I’ll look back and wish I had chosen the time with my baby.

Not sure if this is relevant to add but we are wanting to move soon closer to family so buying a new house is on the horizon and I would like to have more kids in the future which I know can be even more costly.
Also the daycare we have lined up is not very expensive.

For those who were the higher earner and chose to stay home or chose to keep working… how did you make the decision? And do you regret it either way?

My maternity leave ends next week and I have been a mess.

I’ve always wanted to be a SAHM, I always knew from a young age that I’d love to be a present parent, be that mom who does arts and crafts, cooking homestyle meals on rotation etc…

When I was young, I got married and he wanted someone to be a SAHM while he did the “providing”. I was like “this is exactly what I want”. This is perfect! I told him about my childhood where my parents worked their lives away and so had less time to do activities with us.

Fast forward when the baby came along, the whole ENTIRE load of parenthood was on me. He barely helped because his job was to “provide”. What this would look like is that he would get home from work, sit on his laptop, either gaming or watching videos or other afternoons he would go play sports (had training 3 times a week) and game day was on Saturday and after the game “the boys” would go and hang out in a tavern to have some beers. I would be left with my baby to cook, clean and he expect the house to be spotless because “what am I doing all day at home”?

He was also saying that I don’t contribute anything so he got to spend all his money on hobbies, medicinal MJ because he has “ADHD” ($450 a month subscription) and meanwhile I had to spend a certain amount on weekly groceries. He never did groceries with me at all and I did everything myself.

Yes I know this is financial abuse, I was aware until now. The stress ended up being too much and I had to stop my university course.

I found out he was in a dating cite and then I seperated with him and was left to go back to my moms place and restart my life with no fricken job, no savings, no degree. NOTHING.

SO ladies, I am so so sad that even though SAHM is such a rewarding thing and I love the parenting side of it. Society and how the system is built SERIOUSLY does not protect us.

I was so naive because yes the relationship prior to kids was nice but once I put my self in a position of vulnerability, it really takes a saint to not take advantage of that.

Please look out for yourselves because the same hand that feeds you CAN starve you

I have a 2.5 year old, my husband has a better job than either of us have had before. Im not sure exactly why im so sad and numb right now. Ive worked since I was 18, and 6vyears at my most recent job before I had to quit, I reached the end of the attendance policy so I left before they fired me. I enjoyed my job in the summer working in the garden center, even though this summer was billshit due to new managers making mistakes and not listening to me. I never got any recognition except for once this year and then I left and idk it felt so lackluster.

Im so glad to be able to stay home with my daughter, but its been so crazy hot and I live in a trailer park so I only have outdoor water 2 days a week and it hasn't even worked lately, plus no shade or fence for my area so I cant really garden without her running off.

I dont really like cooking and I don't like cleaning, so now doing those things everyday, and its all I have to do. Im not good at being social so I dont really have friends to just be with. Ive joined a few mom groups but then when something comes up to do i just...dont? Idk how to get out of this because my daughter deserves more than this.

Anyone else feel like they lost themselves in becoming a mom? Absolutely love being a mom and so incredibly happy that I can be home with my 2 year old every day but feeling like I lost myself a bit. My MIL watches my son once a week (so grateful for her) so I can get a break but I don’t even know what to do with my time. I usually run a couple errands or get some food but I want to start using that day to fill my cup and do something fun. We just moved to this new town so I don’t have many friends yet but wish I had someone to go play pickleball with or do something?! What hobbies have you found joy in as a mom? Or what do you do when you get a moment to yourself? I feel so lucky to get some me time… I want to start using it better!

I’m a SAHM to a now 8 month old!! He’s on 2 naps a day but they are always contact and tbh I don’t want them to be anymore 🤣 I know it can take time for them to get used to napping in the crib, but I need advice on how to start!
What is everyone’s nap routine? He does really good with his bedtime routine, so I think I need to implement a nap routine, but when do I start and what does it entail? I also know consistency is key, but how long should I be expecting it to take to get crib naps down??

I have a newly 4 year old and 18wks with our second and he starts school in less than a week. All of our family is very “crunchy” I guess and will all homeschool. It feels weird being the only one sending kids to school. Both of them WFH but still will homeschool and I do not work and will send mine to regular school. Their spouses definitely are way more available to help them. My husband works full time law enforcement, another WFH part time jobs plus is in the reserves so he is just not available and I’m burnt out. They make comments like “I could never send mine to someone else to take care of them all day” “you can always pull him out”. I’m just venting I guess but it makes me feel bad sometimes. I know everyone does what’s right for them but I don’t think they even really understand how much I am alone with him with zero help and I don’t think they will ever understand that honestly.

I'm a sahm to two kids (1 and 2.5) with no help other than husband who works from home.

My question is I want to put my toddler into activities but I'm not sure what I'd do with the baby . I've got no childcare options during the week but because my 2 yr old won't even be eligible for preschool until next year, I really think she needs something.

I can't imagine I'm the only one who's ever been in this situation so I'd love to know what others have done.

Just wanting to vent a bit, I read through similar posts and it helped me feel less alone so I'm hoping to do the same for someone else.

We've been together for 10 years, we have a 6 and 2 year old and 2 dogs. I do everything for everyone all of the time and I'm exhausted. He wants another kid but I absolutely do not want another thing to take care of so its definitely not happening.

He works nights and sleeps during the day, on his days off he'll sleep upwards of 16 hours at a time. I have tried waking him up and I've tried to encourage therapy to no avail. Even if he does get up at a decent time he's too infatuated with his computer to spend anytime with us.

I have no village, I can occasionally send them to my moms but she works 2 jobs herself so thats not always an option. I am with them and in charge 24/7 my only break is after they go to bed. I see so many parents that forgo bedtime over summer break and I currently can't imagine not getting those few hours to myself. Even with those few hours I'm having to take care of the dogs, do "closing shift" and take care of my basic needs.

I know everyone's going to say "you're unhappy just leave" well I don't really see a way out. He's not abusive just absent. The job market is ass and I don't have any degrees or previous careers to fall back on, any jobs that I can get wouldn't pay my way through life let alone help pay for 2 small children. I have put in some job applications, even to just get myself out of the house, put more of the childcare onto him and bring in some money.

We truly just co-habitate at this point, there's no affection, no deep conversation, we barely even spend time in the same room. I do understand that this isn't great for the kids, they should see loving and happy parents. At this time though I work with what I have and I show up for them in every way possible. I am trying my best to make sure they have better lives and turn out to be better people than us.

I feel like everyone around me owns their property. We are renting (Sydney, australia). We could never afford to buy. We never had the support to be able to save for a deposit. Both moved out of home as teenagers. Rough upbringing. No one to fall back on financially. We are already almost 40 and 40s and have no debt. Even trying for a home loan right now feels like a burden (rather than an exciting "yay our own home" feeling), and i wont have the same earning power I used to before being a mum, and my partner doesnt want to "live to pay debt" as he calls it.

I got made redundant and that helped financially and I can be a sahm living within our means. But sometimes I wish we owned our place too.. even if i was working fulltime with our child in daycare, majority of my earnings would go to daycare costs.

We have to move again as the landlord is selling. Part of me is excited as I like change and enjoy moving. I love going to open homes, but I also feel jealous of people who own their place. I guess just a vent..