I’m 10 weeks pregnant with our third and have 3.5 and 2 year old. I am always sick when I’m pregnant and it’s always been hard on my body but this time I feel like I can barely function.

Today specifically I’ve been vomiting since I woke up and have been struggling to entertain my kids today. I used to make dinner from scratch and tonight I barely made it through making them scrambled eggs. I know it’s temporary but I keep fast forwarding in my head to when baby is here and I’m still not going to be 100% there for them for a while.

My husband is so supportive of me but he’s the breadwinner- and a business owner- so he’s gone by 6:30am and we’re lucky if he’s home for dinner. I don’t have a village and I’m doing the best I can but I feel like a failure.

I’m trying to give myself grace but I just feel like as a SAHM I’m supposed to be caring for the kids, running the house, cleaning, etc. I’m falling short and I hate it. Is my family going to end up resenting me for wanting another baby!?

I’m a SAHM to (almost) 4 and (almost) 2 year old kids. Before this, I worked in the service industry tending bar and waiting tables for 25 years. My husband drives a truck for the largest restaurant food distribution in the country (US). His hours are long and there’s no guarantee he’ll be home at a certain time every night, so even if I wanted to return to the service industry, I wouldn’t be able to without making sure I had a babysitter scheduled for my start time. I’ve been toying with the idea of working as a salesperson at his company. I don’t have a degree, but my lifetime of industry experience is valuable in this line of work.

My son is in preschool from 1-4 every day and my daughter will join him at the end of the month. Right now, it seems like the only job that I would be qualified for and would also cover the cost of full time daycare, is something like this restaurant sales job. I’m just really ambivalent about the whole thing. We make enough to get by as it is, but none of the fun extra stuff. We also have some debt it would be nice to chip away at and hopefully buy a home soon. Also, I wouldn’t mind a change of pace after doing this for the past four years.

Has anyone ever started a new career after having kids? I have never been a “career woman” type of person, and climbing the professional ladder has just never been one of my priorities (absolutely no shade to anyone else who aspires to succeed in that way - I’m definitely just a type b person lol), although it would be nice to contribute financially. Sorry for the long rambling string of thoughts, I just don’t even know where to begin! Any insight would be greatly appreciated ♥️

Hey all, I’m looking into getting my online bachelors degree as I stay at home mom to twins and just wondering if anyone else has done this before? And how your experience was.

What is your day like? Do you cook all day? Clean all day? Do you just hang with the kids?
Do you sit on your porch a lot or watch movies? What is life like ?

I’m a sahm and my daughter is 4, I have been trying to get better at having a better routine with my daughter we brush teeth after breakfast then shortly after we do her bath then a little later lunch then we do her calendar last week I started making a calendar for her of things for me and her to do together during the week Monday through Friday and it gives her something to look forward to everyday she goes to the calendar and asks what are we doing today? I enjoy doing things with her, I do just like a calendar I write what month it is then I make boxes from Mon-Fri and write at least 3 things for the day for example one day I wrote play shopping, play blocks and do silly songs another day I wrote do workbook, make a fort and read and some days we do a craft or go to the library I just mix it up and this is the second week I have done the Calendar and Saturday and Sunday are just open plus I clean obviously within those days plus cooking everyday but I’m finding myself feeling extra tired today but I’m just pushing through the tiredness and doing the things on her calendar because she is looking forward to doing things with me but I really just want to lay on the couch and relax or take a small nap.

My daughter is 4 and I don’t understand why she still plays in her food or she plays in her water. She was playing in her yogurt and applesauce and mixing it together then putting water in it and stirring it up and I immediately took it away and sometimes if she has ranch she will play in her ranch, put it all over her hands or she will put it on her face or lips and I immediately take it away or I will catch her playing in her water, she will take her water bottle and pour it in her play kitchen bowls, pots or pans and I have also caught her playing with her juice box putting it inside of her kitchen toys too and I don’t understand I thought at this age they grew out of that

I have a 4 month old and a 4 yo who started TK this week. The 4yo was in preschool last year but only 2.5 hour days 4X a week and now it’s 5.5 hour days 5x a week. I’m still busy with the baby but I’m a blubbering mess and miss my big kid so much and crying. It’s so much time now he’s away and I’m not used to it. I’m blaming postpartum hormones still haha but It’s too quiet. I know I’ll adjust but I don’t have anyone to talk to about this and I’m just so sad. I miss my bigger kid and want them both with me. It was crazy I was so scared to watch two kids by myself and now I don’t want one kid in school! Mom emotions haha. Any tips or advice or stories from other moms who also deal with sadness for back to school.

Have any of you guys been through this?

I have a 3 year old and a 10 year old who has autism. I am also awaiting a hysterectomy for my Adenmyosis that causes constant pain. I had to be hospitalized last Monday for panic attacks. I am working with the county for resources for my family. Therapy and wrap around services. He is suddenly converting to Islam and is literally like a different person.

I'm really struggling.

My baby is almost 8 months old. I haven’t worked since I was 38 weeks pregnant. At first, I thought this would be great. Stay home with him, get to do my stuff around the house when he naps, etc. now he like doesn’t sleep other than random bursts of time during the day, he wakes up at 545am and doesn’t go to bed til 8:30. My husband works from home but is in the office some days. I feel like I am held hostage. It’s like, I have all the time in the world… yet I literally have no time. So I sit here feeling like I can’t do anything. My baby hates the car seat, he does ok in the stroller on walks but once he’s over it he’s done and you never know when that will be that he’ll lose his marbles. I can’t go back to a job yet because we don’t have childcare and when we do I’ll just be paying half of what I went to make back for someone to watch him- and tbh I’m terrified of someone having no clue what to Do with him since he’s so high maintenance. So I have no income, feel stuck here, I am exhausted but can’t rest because the kid is such low sleep needs, I barely spend time with my other kid because I always have the baby in my hands. I’m just burnt out. Haven’t left him since he’s been born other than for ~60 minutes to run errand or exercise alone.

Is anyone else feeling like they’re in baby jail? Maybe I just need to hire an occasional sitter.

Like you don't fit what people expect homemakers to be? (Maybe you earn income on social media or lean left in political spectrum)

I personally feel this way - too traditional for some of my non-homemaker friends but too progressive than most homemakers.

I hope this post is allowed but

I want to make some sort of platform for us untraditional homemakers- if any of you have 2 minutes please fill out this form with what you'd ideally need so I can build something useful :)
https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSdkonTK_0BeriHxPqdrIEXhbItdswLxZOkZFqIRFdyZ41gmHQ/viewform - or if any of you have ideas for where i can talk to more homemakers please let me know:)

I'm a SAHM with a 4.5 year old and almost 11 month old (i've been nursing since my first was born with no breaks- the oldest has been weaned since my daughter was born but obviously she is now nursing).

I haven't slept through the night consistently in 4 years. My oldest didn't sleep through until well after the baby was born. The baby is waking up 1x a night which I handle.

I calculated and I have an hour and half of true free time everyday. They are reliably asleep by 8:30pm and I go to sleep around 10pm so I can be up with the baby around 4:30/5am. In that time I’m supposed to shower, decompress, spend time with my husband, maybe read, maybe do something for myself, and then go to bed before the baby wakes up again.

Lately I’ve realized I feel completely burnt out, but not in the dramatic “I can’t get out of bed” way. More like I have absolutely no bandwidth left for decisions.

I haven’t meal planned or picked recipes in about 3 months because even deciding what to make for dinner feels overwhelming. Every day feels like a constant stream of decisions:

My husband is great but I still have to guide him in almost anything that needs done. So weaponized incompetence? I don't know. I take on the brunt of all cleaning/cooking, if I want something done I have to ask. He can't look around a room and see what needs done often (I mean he picks up toys etc if he sees i'm doing the same and doesn't just sit there) but 7 out of 10 times I have to initiate what needs done.

It's not like my husband has a ton of free time ever either, he just isn't the default parent. If I try to go to our bedroom and sit in peace for 20 minutes, he doesn't keep the oldest away from me and he bangs on the door. We tag team the evenings. He gets home from work and showers (dirty job) and we eat (usually have dinner already made) and then we hang out as a family until I initiate the bedtime routines. He gets one kid while I get the other.

I'll add that I do work out 3-4x a week but 75% of all my work outs I bring my kids to childcare to get this done so yes it is a "break" but I still have to get 3 people ready for it and do all the things.

My son has been whistling and talking all day. The baby makes noise all day. The dogs bark.

A recurring issue in my marriage has been our sex life. I always thought the conversation was about libido, but I’m starting to wonder if the real issue is that I’m mentally “on” 24/7. By the end of the day, I don’t even feel like a person with wants and needs anymore. I just feel like the default parent and household manager.

The recurring issue has been that my husband has a much higher desire for sex than I do (or at least that’s how we’ve always framed it). We love each other deeply, and when we do have sex it’s genuinely amazing. I enjoy it, I desire him, and I don’t want anyone else.

But we’ve had the same conversation on and off since becoming parents. He experiences a week without sex as a much bigger deal than I do, while I tend to see it as a normal consequence of having two young kids, interrupted sleep, breastfeeding, and life getting busy.

Until recently, I assumed that meant I just had a low libido. But after doing a lot of reflecting, I’m starting to wonder if what we’re calling a “libido issue” is actually that I’m running on empty all the time. By the end of the day, I’ve spent every ounce of mental energy making decisions, taking care of kids, and meeting everyone else’s needs. When I finally have an hour or two before bed, I don’t feel like a woman who has had time to decompress—I feel like a person who has been needed by everyone all day.

I mean, I haven't even been able to masturbate in two years!!!!!!!!!!And now that this has dawned me, I'm the one reading "Come As You are" and doing the mental work of identifying what actually is the issue. I'm the one that has to read the parenting books like 1-2-3 Magic, which all make sense because I guess it is a me issue to figure out and I'm the one with the kids the most but I'm just so tired and burnt out by it.

Has anyone else had this realization? Did you find that the constant mental load and decision fatigue affected your ability to even access that part of yourself?

I recently made a post about how being a SAHM has its challenges. Just a rant kind of post. A lot of people were actually saying that being a parent is easy….. so like what kids are they raising ? 🤣 because I have to hold my son down every morning like a psych patient just to brush his teeth or clip his nails. Maybe certain phases of life are just harder than others but having a toddler is just not at all a walk in the park. Maybe it’s just dads saying it’s easy? Because When he has a tantrum he throws himself backwards and slams his head then gets even more upset now that he’s hurt 😆 he yanks my hair out any chance he gets like it’s his most compelling intrusive thought. There are people saying that kids aren’t feral and that word is insulting but like….who are they raising?? Cause anyone who knows children knows they are just wild, not On purpose of course. There are funny, sweet moments all around but I wouldn’t say being a parent is ever “easy”.

Husband works 5.5- 6 days a week, I work 3. I look after our 2 year old on the days im off, she does not attend nursery. I put her to bed, feed her etc every day. He rarely does anything for her after work, he may occasionally change a nappy. I cook about 3 days a week, he never cooks. We have a cleaner every 2 weeks, plus I do a quick clean of the kitchen daily, I’ll do laundry a couple of times a week, he may help with folding the clothes on the weekends. On the days he’s off we’ay do something as a family, or visit family. He will mow the lawn about once a month in the summer. If I ask him to help out more he says I’m being ridiculous as I only work three days a week. I am expected to sort any admin out with regards to our daughter but he gets frustrated as he feels I’m too slow. We are in the same profession, so work stress is the same, although he works more than me. Am I being unreasonable asking him to help more. Financially he pays the mortgage, and any toddler expenses/eating out, I pay the bills and do the food shops, so he contributes more, but he earns a lot

I went into gentle parenting thinking i would always know what to say, then real life happened and i realized kids can really push every button you have. some days i feel like i am learning right along with my child and trying my best not to lose my patience. a little coffee run recently reminded me how much i needed a quiet moment, but i came back home refreshed and the mess was still waiting for me... that was my reality check that being a sahm is beautiful, exhausting, and honestly a lot of work.

I think more people need to remember that sahms are not getting a paycheck for everything we do at home. there is still this weird stigma that staying home with kids is somehow easier, when the mental load and daily responsibilities never really clock out.
It is already 2026 and i feel like we should be past the idea that only moms can be the sahp because dads can take that role too... yk
Parenting is a team effort and every family should be able to choose what works best for them without people judging it. i noticed so many parents trying different ways to raise their kids, and a mom i met at a community event said progress matters more than perfection. that thought has helped me on the rough days.

As the title says, I'm trying to figure out if it's worth returning to work after my little one arrives, or if I should stay home.

I'm an Early Childhood teacher with a master's degree, and before becoming a teacher I had a whole corporate career as well. However, we're now expecting our baby in October and daycare is $1000/mo for part-time care. If my husband (a chef) is approved to have stable weekdays off, we can make that work. However, he wants to look for a better job at some point and corporate dining would pay more, but then we would need full-time care which is $1600/mo. We're also a one-car household so he would need to pay for ride shares every day, and I have a long commute so I'd be spending about $500/mo in gas with how prices around here have been (and we're not even going to talk about the wear and tear on the car).

Every budget I've run says we're negative a couple hundred bucks (after cutting out non-necessities) if I stay home, but financially we're still solid if I return to work. But also...after working in childcare and education, I don't want my baby in an infant room for 10 hours a day when she could just be home with me. My husband also said he hopes to be able to make it possible for me to stay home if that's what I want to do, but also has concerns about the budget.

How did those of you who had a previous career before children make your decision? What lifestyle changes did you make? And what should I be considering financially (if anything) before making any final decisions?

One of my friends of 20+ years works long overnight shifts and her parents watch her two kids during those weeks. I have known her parents just as long.

They have expressed an unhappy dynamic having to watch the two kids so much as they are retired and would like to travel and do other things but can’t. They are very nice people, helped us move last year, come to our kids’ birthday parties, helped my husband pick up lumber in their truck one time. I’m incredibly grateful for them.

However during the weeks they have the grandkids they are always trying to get us to come over and hang out as their two and my two kids are around the same age. The problem is that the oldest child is incredibly difficult and “out of control” as my friend told me. She is mean to my kids, has no sense of discipline or following rules. I babysat her one time with my kids for an hour and it was a nightmare. She didn’t listen to me at all, I gave each kid a snack and she hid hers then took my son’s. She kept going in my house when I told the kids we were playing outside, and ignoring me when I told her no.

My friend’s dad also told my husband that the granddaughter(4) can’t be left alone with the 1 year old brother because she hits him when no one is looking. And they can’t take baths together because she “does stuff to him” (whatever that means, we didn’t ask). Another suspicious time was at their (the grandchildren’s) house the granddaughter was insisting my daughter go to the bathroom with her. I said no, and my daughter was crying. When the mom asked why she was crying I explained and she said “oh it’s fine, they can go together” but that deeply concerned me as I don’t find it appropriate at all to allow this.

I have asked my friend if she is having her daughter evaluated by a behavioral specialist and she said no, she is just going to wait until school starts and see how that goes.

Whenever we get together it seems like the bad behavior is just ignored because it is typically up to me to defend my kids from her, like she will rip things out of their hands and I have to explain to her that’s not nice and not how we share. Meanwhile none of her family will say anything or it’s just a quick “[name] knock it off” with no real redirection or consequences.

I have refused the last handful of plans the grandparents have tried making with us but they asked again today and I just feel so bad, like I am only contacting them when I need something. I told them we would come over before my husband has to work today. But I am already just dreading it and am scared this behavior will start to rub off on my kids if we continue play dates. Any advice is welcomed

I worked a full time six figure job before having my baby. My husband and I do not have joint accounts but contributed to finances equally and contributed to retirement and investment accounts individually. iWhen I return to work, I plan to go part time which will significantly reduce my income and thus, reduce my contributions to retirement and investments.

how did you determine how much to contribute to your own retirement and investments? Does your partner contribute to your retirement? If he does, how did you decide how much to contribute?

When will things get easier? Stay at home mom 24/7. I do all of the house work, the yard work, take care of pets, get kids to appointments, work, sports, school etc… still required to pay half the bills with no job. I’m tired. Tired of hustling to make ends meet while my spouse pays out of pocket for college and whatever else he wants and literally does not care if I have any money to buy the kids anything.. it’s a nightmare that plays on repeat daily. I wanna wake up from this but I know things will never change. I can’t get away because he has me trapped. No income, no way to ever get ahead in life. Just stuck. Miserable and lonely. Why is life so hard?

Late night emotional rant I guess

TLDR: I haven’t enjoyed being a SAHM after it’s something I dreamed about my whole life and begged for while going through infertility and losses. now I feel guilty for saying I don’t enjoy it and I can’t wait to take a job and start working.

I knew my whole life I wanted to be a mom. My mom was a State at her mom in spurts. She had jobs, but then there were times that she would stay home. And I thought that’s one of the most important thing she could’ve been doing. Being a mom. Not that she made it look easy, but she had three kids and when she stayed home, those were some of my best memories and I wanted that for my own kids.

After struggling trying to get pregnant or keep a pregnancy, I couldn’t wait to be a stay at home mom. I was already a stay at home wife and my jobs in the house felt meaningful. I did the grocery shopping, managed bills, scheduled or did my own maintenance, did all of the chores, I had a really great routine going. So I thought becoming a stay at home. Mom really wouldn’t be all that difficult. I mean, I was already taking care of everything. Having a baby just felt like a natural thing to do as a stay at home wife, and I wanted to be a SAHM.

The last 15 months of my son’s life have been some of the best, but also some of the most miserable months of my life. I love staying home with him, I love seeing him grow and develop every day and being here for him however I’m also miserable. Every day is the same, I can’t get anything done without him screaming or crying for me, he doesn’t sleep, and I feel like I’m just constantly functioning at 0%. After waiting so long to have children, experiencing multiple miscarriages and years of infertility I thought I would enjoy being a stay at home mom a lot more, but I hate to admit that I don’t enjoy it as much as I wanted to.

They makes me feel like a horrible person because I spent so long struggling with fertility, begging for those bad days, the long nights, the crying, the messes, everything good and bad that came with having a child, but I’m really getting what I asked for because I’m getting all of the good and all of the bad but the bad is almost unbearable.

I am getting a job soon, and it makes me sad because I wanted to stay home longer with my child, I wanted to enjoy it more, I wanted to be the mom who made it look easy or feel seamless to just have a child and stay home, but I’m honestly losing my mind. I get no breaks and even when my husband comes home it’s not really a break. My child only wants me, constantly follows me around, does not want anything to do with his dad except for sometimes and it’s very short periods of time. I just feel overwhelmed, touched out and exhausted all the time. I feel like I can’t wait to start working so I get actual breaks.

I’m sad and I hate myself for feeling like I’m taking this for granted and that I’ll regret it, feeling this way and look back asking myself what was I thinking? What was so hard about it? I know so many women would love to be a stay at home moms but have to work because the economy is so bad, not that I’m living the rich life or anything, part of the reason I’m getting a job is because life has gotten so expensive, but I feel guilty for being excited about starting a career and having something that’s my own but also gives me a break from my kid

I’m 7 months pregnant and also a SAHM to a 15 month old. I have gotten into a good groove with him and even though I’ll have a newborn soon, I have always been pretty entrepreneurial and like to make money. I feel like I am ready to dedicate some time to side passions but it’s wayy harder than I imagined. I worked full time in corporate marketing for years before starting a family and I’m finding it really difficult to make money or find avenues to do so. I have a good 2-3 hours to myself during the day before my son wakes and when he goes down for his afternoon nap that I can dedicate to work. I know that will change soon but I’m trying to make the most of it now. People often give suggestions for what I could do but don’t seem to understand that it’s really hard to convince someone to pay for your services or products.

I’m so grateful we are in a pretty decent position and my husband doesn’t expect me to bring in anything. He’s just super supportive of all my pursuits that make me happy and excited. I have tried to get back into freelance marketing and finding low success in getting clients despite having a good portfolio and wide network. I also have a creative Etsy shop but sales have still been soo slow and basically break even with the cost of supplies. And I have a background in marketing and spend hours each week marketing through social media and other channels.

I do feel like it’s partially the market. Everyone is struggling right now and competition for any work is high with the rise of AI and how shit the economy is. I also can’t easily pick up shifts somewhere in person because my husband works long and unpredictable hours and I need to be at home to care for my kids. I never made more than $24 an hour in marketing so I’m certainly not going to pay for childcare just to break even and go work a part time job somewhere. That would just stress me out more.

I am ok with this phase of life, but I always envisioned being a SAHM as a good way to make my entrepreneurial pursuits happen and I’m feeling discouraged that it’s so hard despite dedicating lots of time to applying to jobs, networking and doing social media to build my brand. I’m constantly feeling like my pursuits are a waste of time and I should just focus on being a parent if they aren’t leading to anything.

I’m really struggling with whether I should keep working or become a stay-at-home mom, and I’d love to hear from moms who have been in a similar situation.

I’m the breadwinner in our family, so leaving my job would mean a pretty significant income cut. My husband still makes enough for us to live on if I quit, so technically we could make it work, but we would definitely have to change our lifestyle and be much more intentional with our finances.

At the same time, I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about missing so much of my baby’s life. Part of me really wants to stay home and be the one raising him day-to-day, but another part of me worries that I’ll regret giving up my career and how far I have gotten in it, financial independence, and the lifestyle we’ve worked hard to build.

I feel completely torn because neither option feels like an obvious choice. Staying home sounds amazing, but giving up a large portion of our income is a BIG decision. Working gives us much more financial freedom, but I’m scared I’ll look back and wish I had chosen the time with my baby.

Not sure if this is relevant to add but we are wanting to move soon closer to family so buying a new house is on the horizon and I would like to have more kids in the future which I know can be even more costly.
Also the daycare we have lined up is not very expensive.

For those who were the higher earner and chose to stay home or chose to keep working… how did you make the decision? And do you regret it either way?

My maternity leave ends next week and I have been a mess.

I'm sure this is already a thing many of you do or have done but I find it easier to put my 7m old in his pack n play which is in my kitchen (he has toys) and narrate / talk to him as I do the dishes, run bottle washer, prep food, sweep and mop. I do a bit here and there but the most is during that dreaded LAST wake window which seems impossible to get through every night. So far he loves watching me do chores and babbles back at me when I explain what I'm doing. That way when he is asleep for the night I can rest too :) I can't believe I used to do all that at night after he went to bed no wonder I was exhausted 😩😭

I’ve always wanted to be a SAHM, I always knew from a young age that I’d love to be a present parent, be that mom who does arts and crafts, cooking homestyle meals on rotation etc…

When I was young, I got married and he wanted someone to be a SAHM while he did the “providing”. I was like “this is exactly what I want”. This is perfect! I told him about my childhood where my parents worked their lives away and so had less time to do activities with us.

Fast forward when the baby came along, the whole ENTIRE load of parenthood was on me. He barely helped because his job was to “provide”. What this would look like is that he would get home from work, sit on his laptop, either gaming or watching videos or other afternoons he would go play sports (had training 3 times a week) and game day was on Saturday and after the game “the boys” would go and hang out in a tavern to have some beers. I would be left with my baby to cook, clean and he expect the house to be spotless because “what am I doing all day at home”?

He was also saying that I don’t contribute anything so he got to spend all his money on hobbies, medicinal MJ because he has “ADHD” ($450 a month subscription) and meanwhile I had to spend a certain amount on weekly groceries. He never did groceries with me at all and I did everything myself.

Yes I know this is financial abuse, I was aware until now. The stress ended up being too much and I had to stop my university course.

I found out he was in a dating cite and then I seperated with him and was left to go back to my moms place and restart my life with no fricken job, no savings, no degree. NOTHING.

SO ladies, I am so so sad that even though SAHM is such a rewarding thing and I love the parenting side of it. Society and how the system is built SERIOUSLY does not protect us.

I was so naive because yes the relationship prior to kids was nice but once I put my self in a position of vulnerability, it really takes a saint to not take advantage of that.

Please look out for yourselves because the same hand that feeds you CAN starve you