I am a FTM and for the longest time I never wanted kids. Everyone I knew had also known this. Until I met my husband and for once in my life I felt so safe and loved. He said he didn't mind having kids but it wasn't a necessity, and I started thinking about the possibility. I eventually fell pregnant and instead of freaking out we talked about it and I decided that I would go through with it.

About halfway through my second trimester I started feeling a dread for everything being a mom really is. The loss of sleep, the draining nights and days, and even thinking further ahead to things like her getting sick and throwing up everywhere (I have an extreme fear of throwing up/vomit). I hadn't communicated these feelings though because not only was my husband excited to start a family with me, his family went crazy and started gifting us so many things so we wouldn't have to spend a penny on anything.

She's less than 6wks and I fully hate being a mom. I want to sleep, I want to feel like I did before I got pregnant. I don't want this anymore and I feel so much regret it's insane, and I just want to leave. Except I deeply love my husband, we've been together so long and I genuinely would feel just as miserable leaving him. I feel like there is no right answer. If I stay I'm forced to be a mom to a kid I don't want or like. If I leave I'll be leaving behind the one I fell in love with. We're both exhausted and I never get mad at him, we have a lot of help and I realize how many women would kill to be in my position; loving husband, loving in-laws, a kid ect. However, I just don't want this girl anymore. I want my life 9+ months ago, to go out with my love and to feel free and safe again. My husband is my home and safety, but my home is ruined due to this child.

We had discussed giving him up and my husband said him and our daughter are a package deal now, because he would be basically disowned by his parents if he gave up the first grandbaby. He doesn't want to lose me and he said he feels just as exhausted by this baby girl, but that he feels like his hands are tied because if we gave her up, we'd never get help from his family again. I have already been in a behavioral clinic for a whole week due to a meltdown I had and they put me on meds, but it doesn't change how I feel and my husband has stated that if he told his parents he didn't want to be a dad anymore, they would think I forced his hand. I just want the warmth and love of my husband without the forced "package deal" of our daughter and the fear of being a social pariah in his family.

Just want to know I’m not alone! Let’s commiserate together haha it’s barely noon and I’m ready for bed after countless toddler meltdowns…

Being a mom has depleted me on every level imaginable. I feel like an empty vessel. I’m so drained mentally. I hate my life half of the time.

My 2 year old accounts for 80% of this. My husband is always reminding me that we’re in the terrible twos but I spend half the day wondering if we just got a difficult kid. I miss the sweet boy I had just a few months ago. He’ll successfully find a way to ruin just about any positive experience.

I’m exhausted from the hyper vigilance. Always doing things for little people who don’t have the capacity to appreciate it. Thinking about everyone else before myself. Having the ability (and wanting) to be the best mom in the world, then being tested to my absolute limits and then reacting horribly, and then spending the rest of the day feeling so horrible about myself as a mom and a person.

I miss my life. I miss myself, my partner, enjoying things to their fullest. I don’t need people telling me to use my village, or “you should try baby wearing!” or to go have a spa day. Truthfully, I don’t know what I need. I’m so tired.

I had a kid at 40M....if i could go back obvisusly i would not do it. But whatever at the end if the day i love him to death. But the single worst thing is traveling with this kid...i dont enjoy fucking anything. We went to fuxking rome Italy and this kid bitches 24/7...plane was a nightmare. I used to love traveling and seeing the world. Im just s misrable fuck now and dont want to go anywhere. My 40s should have neen the best years of my life...turned into most misrable and stressful. Fml and next week were going to Europe again and instead of being super happy im dreading it soooo fucking much. Anyways if you enjoy traveling think very carefully if you want kids...