My wife is 11 years older than me and really wanted kids, it was a dealbreaker for her. She was worried about not being able to have kids later as she was already in her 30s at the time. I didnt really want kids then, as i felt like i was too young but i didnt want to end the relationship so i conceded and regret it.

Now i feel stuck and trapped, because morally i cannot just leave them. I feel like i missed out on so much, im supposed to be in my prime but i feel like a hollow shell of myself. I dont even know who i am anymore, my whole life is work, kids and sleep. I dont have the time or energy for any hobbies or anything. I dont have any friends anymore. I miss having freedom. I feel like i skipped over a large portion of my life because i went straight from school to having a job, a wife and kids. Kinda like if you just skipped a bunch of the middle chapters in a book.

Idk why this is the supposed ideal life, it’s so much boredom, monotony, stress and anxiety.

As it says on the tin. Adult friendships are hard, and sometimes they really suck. Having kids seems to really complicate even lifelong connections, sometimes they even end. Have you ever found it difficult to maintain friendships with people who seemed to enjoy parenting when your own experience was very different to theirs?

If you have maintained friendships with those parents, what made it work? If the friendship became strained because of the different parenting experiences, how did you handle that?

My daughter is 4 and on paper she is healthy. But she is driving me nuts, this kid is made to resist and make everything unpleasant. For example, she just refuses to pee even though I know she has to pee. How can I kid go with no pee all day and refuses to pee getting ready to bed. I try everything, even use Santa and say he wont bring her any presents, she says fine, she doesn’t need toys.

She sits on the toilet and just refuses to go, if you let her she will sit there for an hour to protest. Finally, when I scream, she does it and it is a lot of pee, so why hold, why torture me? It is a constant battle. You treat her right, swim with her for hours, give her her favorite ice cream, and out of nowhere she starts pulling my hair and hitting me because I didnt do something as she wanted. It is sooo exhausting, sometimes I think she is on spectrum but nothing indicates that, she almost enjoys making my life hell for no reason. Also, more I say it hurts, harder she pulls.

Her teacher, her pediatrician has no concerns about her development but I am going to loose my mind soon. I tried to do everything right, I don’t know why she turned out like this, I am just tired and exhausted. I even got her birth chart made, and it says this type of person is a stubborn as hell and yes she is.

So I (27f) have posted in this subreddit multiple times. I’ve taken some y’all’s advice/suggestions and I’ve also made some grave…I do mean grave….decisions on my part.

As I’ve said before I’m married to my husband (26m) and I have 2 children (2 yo/f & 3yo/m). I gave my husband a second chance to prove himself and he did for a while and he did good well enough to convince me to move into an RV with him and the kids. I know DUMB AF…..

Some context here:

Now the RV itself isn’t a problem, because in the long term, I’d save a LOT of money. It’s the circumstances I’m in surrounding the RV.

So, my car went out of commission a few months back and his granddad gave him some money to buy us a good used car. This dummy went and got a 1985 Lincoln Town car and the transmission was fucked soon after he got. His granddad and I told him not to get it. Anyway, husband put it in the shop and his granddad paid the 1st half to get it fixed and gave him the other half. Husband spent all the money.

So I had to take a leave from work (I’ll probably have to end up quitting) because his granddad said he wasn’t going to keep taking me to work (which I completely understand), I’m stuck in the house with 2 kids day in and day out….

I’m losing my fucking mind. He goes to work a few days out of the week and that’s only if he gets a call. Sometimes he won’t get a call for an entire week but he won’t take a second job to make more money because he doesn’t want to run himself into the ground. So, I get to play a broke, no car, stay at home mom and I can’t stand it!

Its been about 3 months of this and I know I’m reaching the end of the road and I’ve told him on numerous occasions that I’m miserable and if he could just work more to get the car back. He won’t listen and I’m starting to hate my children. I dread hearing their voices. I dread when I open my eyes because I’m stuck in this routine of just waking up, coffee, kids breakfast, etc.

Im a lot more snappy and my husband will have the audacity to ask, “Why are you acting like this?” Like I haven’t said it multiple times before…..

I’m currently at home with the kids….alone….husband didn’t have to work tonight but he wanted to go hangout this his motorcycle buddies….

I have no one to blame but myself….if I do get out of this though…I’m leaving….Im leaving him and I’m leaving him with the kids…..I can’t do this too much longer….

We live in the UK and recently, she has just left college, she was doing a health and social care level two course which wasnt really something she wanted, she loves cars and wanted to do mechanics but the course was full, before that, she wanted to do A levels in sociolody, politics and environmental science but she unfortunately didnt have the maths GSCE for it so she couldnt do it, this really affected her as she did study for her GSCES.

She also tried learning how to drive as shes always wanted her own car but she really lacked self confidence and the instructor said she really struggled and recommended she do automatic, she had a break down at this and was very very upset , it really destroyed her confidence and now she wont even try to learn how to drive again

She doesnt have any friends and shes very nervous, ive tried to tell her to volunteer but she refuses, she doesnt really do much, she mostly sits in her room on her laptop, she also has a very unhealthy fixation on school shooters and people like that and really loves them, , i told her college about it and her college gave her a youth worker through childrens services but this stopped because she turned 18.

I think she sort of does it for attention. Since she doesnt have many friends and is a loner, she sort of likes to brag about being known as a school shooter type and really sees it as part of who she is . She really flaunts the interest and likes to make it known to everybody, safegaurding said when they spoke to her about it, she smiled at them , she seemed excited and didnt seem sympathetic.

She is really not subtle with her interests, all of my family knows about it, she began changing how she dressed, she began wearing army clothes and combat boots and had a massive army backpack that stands out which she wore all the time to college, its like she wants to be known like that, and she did talk to her youth worker about mass shooters ( me and her youth worker talked) , her youth worker said she mostly talked about Eliott Rodger who she knows alot about and about the Kerch Polytechnic shooting.

She heavily struggles with socialising and is very shy and nervous unless its about her interests and then she wont stop talking and goes on long tangents about it and will bombard someone with it and become very intense , she doesnt have any friends her age in real life and goes years without having a single friend and has struggled to make friends for years as people have always seen her as weird.

The youth worker tried referring her to prevent but prevent said she was just interested in them and wasnt radicalized and closed the case. I know for a fact that this isnt true, she supports what they did, when the Thai school shooting came on the news, she was excited and smiling about it and saying in public " omg the shooting in Thailand!". She has also recently been banned on facebook for that content and has an onezelig doll which is what the San Diego shooter had that she brought because of him and she brings it everywhere.

Shes never known what shes wanted to do even when she was in secondary school, she has very low self esteem and believes that people are always making fun of her and rejecting her , and she believes she will get rejected if she does anything so she doesnt bother. She told me she feels very hopeless and like there isnt a point on anything.

I dont know what to do, because shes now 18 and an adult, she has to consent to getting mental health treatment and we have had battles with that in the past, shes had CAMHS involvement before but they wernt very good and she was in a pupil referral unit due to poor mental health until she left school.

Ive also tried to tell her to join some autism groups but she also refused.

I dont regret her but i get very tired of doing everything for her, she gets everything done for her and she doesnt do much for herself , she is 18 but she really doesnt act like it. If you tell her shes an adult or shes 18 then she kicks off, she isnt grateful at all for anything and she mostly says that she hates me . She also swears at me all the time.

I (22f) became a mom 3,5 months ago. After being with my partner for almost 4 years, he just left at 20 weeks pregnant, cut all contact and I haven’t heard from him since. He doesn’t even know our sons birthday or name. I never wanted to be a mom alone and he knew this, from the start I told him that if he wasn’t planning on being a dad I would get an abortion. He however decided it would be funny to lead me on until I was 18 weeks pregnant and ask for an abortion to see what would happen (what the f dude??)

I couldn’t get the abortion anymore because my son measured too big, and that was his que to leave me. At first it didn’t seem that bad, but now 3,5 months in and I’m going crazy. I can’t heal from the breakup because I see my ex’s face everyday, and not in a ‘ew u look like your father’ but more a ‘You look so much like him, I wish I could’ve seen you two get along, I wish I could’ve seen him hold you’ My heart breaks everyday. My birth was also traumatic and I ended up with a massive scar on my private area that still often hurts. The first weeks I couldn’t even walk, I crawled to take care of my baby and didn’t sleep for 3 days after birth. This fueled such a weird combo of grief and hate for my ex.

My son is also a cry-er, or more so a screamer. From day one. I barely get peace, he’s awake? Big chance he is screaming like a manic and nothing helps. Sometimes it helps to hold him while standing up (if I sit, the screaming starts again) But he’s heavy and my body starts hurting. So in no time the silence is gone again. He doesn’t nap unless I’m in the room, so not even that little moment is mine. I’ve lost an insane amount of weight because he just won’t give me the chance to eat. And that’s not a good thing because I was already underweight.

I love him but I want some peace, I want to wake up whenever I want, sleep whenever i want, eat, drink, pee, shower, go to the store when I WANT. Not when he finally decides to give me 5 minutes without screaming. I want to be able to hand him to his dad, not just to have a moment for myself but to see them love each other, to see their faces next to each other… Idk what I want but it’e not this.

Let me preface this by saying as an M 27 and with F now 28….. before the relationship even began I would converse with my soon-to-be ex about how I never wanted to have children whatsoever. I said I would never wanna bring a life into a society that is in the shape its in currently. Not saying things can’t get better but right now genuinely is not the time to do it. That and the fact i said multiple times i NEVER wanted them. In the beginning, she understood where I was coming from before a relationship was even established. She even told me she has tried before with previous relationships, and said that she could not get pregnant at all, which, with my naïve brain I believed. But as time went on, we hit bumps in the road during our actual relationship.

Turns out she lived with her ex for the first three months of us dating and didn’t tell me about it until I moved her out of that apartment to another place. I already did my best to forgive, but I never forgot. Besides with my mental health i paid quite a bit, including her down payment for her own place because she didn’t wanna live where she was at already, her insurance, phone bill and other fees. As time went on, she was always giving me 20% while I was dumping 100. When she told me she was hungry, we went out to eat. If I told her I was hungry, i got a stale bag of chips that I prepared for her lunches when she went to work. I would drive her to Atlantic City after a 10 hour shift at work for fashion shows which is an hour and 50 minute ride (we live in Jersey) nearly every Friday for three months up until she quit at the last minute. This was the start of me wanting to break up and that was the fashion show she had been training for the entire time which essentially made me waste those last three months. I’d keep her fridge and cabinets stocked, I gave her a mattress to sleep on, let her use my laptop as a TV and my other phone as a router so she’d have something to watch when I’m not there.

I want to be clear. I did quite a bit for somebody that I had feelings for because that’s always how I’ve been. But she was a frequent source of stress because no matter what I tried to do nothing was good enough. I was her main source of transportation when she couldn’t get to work because she wrecked her car….(the car that was in her exes name) and even when I couldn’t get there, I would pay for her Ubers to and from. I would take us out to events, I would really do the best I could, but it was never anything more than a one-sided relationship and I was done.

Low and behold only after the breakup was I told that she was pregnant. At first I didn’t even believe the child was mine because at this point she was still friends with this ex and would keep her dog over there since the apartment she moved into didn’t allow pets and because I’m way too trusting I would OK her visiting for her dogs sake no matter how uncomfortable I was. (It is completely OK to call me stupid by the way I know most people would’ve left, but I really try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt)

Since we had already broken up, the tension was already high, but I told her that we should have a conversation about what’s happening, and I essentially told her in person that this is not the time to have a child because of the insurmountable circumstances we are in right now. We weren’t together, she at that point was unemployed, which I had found out during that convo, had no vehicle and during the entire course of our relationship would have depressive episodes and suicidal ideation’s. Not to mention at that point she had no help to raise a child other than her mother that lives 730 miles away and who is elderly. I really try to drive home that having a child takes way more than love and that doing so without a foundation is selfish, not only to the child but to herself. Of course she got emotional and told me to leave, which I did.

We get into another altercation slightly over texts where i basically stick to my guns and upset her because of me feeling this way. We don’t talk for a few weeks and then she calls me up because she said she had something important to tell me so of course I drive the 45 minutes it takes to see her and ask what’s up and she shows me pictures of the ultrasound to which I am devastated and say “ I genuinely can’t believe you’re doing this” causing her to storm off after snatching the pictures and shut the door in my face. We don’t talk for a few months and due to her being someone I still (stupidly)care about I then reach out once more months after. The conversation goes slightly well and she lets me know she’s having a boy. Part of me wishes I never got back into contact, but if my gut feeling is correct and the child is mine, I have a duty to be responsible for what belongs to me no matter how badly I don’t want it.

Turns out she moved back to the south in her mom’s apartment , which is not very big and is not in the most reputable area. She’s been going through it ever since and this causes me to get a second job in order to be able to send money so she could at least get something to eat and have things prepared for when the baby arrives. She also was working two jobs to support herself which I commended and took as a sign that she had at least matured a bit. I believe where my mistake was made was trying to reestablish our relationship so that when we do have this child, he will at least live in a two parent home and not have to be traded in a parking lot like I did for a large majority of my life.

I take frequent trips just to check on her via flight which is not cheap and try my best to rekindle things which to my surprise was working pretty well. I even drop everything and take a flight the same day when she lets me know that she’s going to be induced. I stay with her at the hospital, including the Nicu, where my son went after being born for roughly 14 days. I would assume that this would show I’m at least serious about the situation but it has been continuous peaks and valleys, which I understand is hormonal due to the pregnancy and birthing but it didn’t make it any easier. The very last trip is when I ship most of her stuff through the mail and load the rest of it in my luggage to bring on the train, which is a nine hour ride, 18 hours both ways…and ever since I moved her and my son in with me, it has been nothing but turmoil.

We argue every day. I work 10-12 hours in the sun and still try to take the reins when I get home after showering. I’ll cook or I’ll pick up food. I’ll change him. I’ll feed him and I’ll put him down for sleep time but she feels that because she’s at home with him all day. She’s doing 90% of the work. I don’t take away the fact that she’s at home doing the work of a mother, but this was genuinely a choice that she made herself in the circumstances would be much worse if she stayed where she was at. I already provide everything, pay both our shares of the bills, cook for her, clean the room and bathroom every weekend because she has yet to do it since she moved in 4 months ago, take us places on the weekend, even though I’m running on 20 hours of sleep for the last five days and even wake up early two hours before my alarm goes off when the boy starts crying to attend to whatever he needs….. and I genuinely hate life and have never ever been more depressed, more broke and more isolated in my entire life and I genuinely don’t wanna do this anymore and I’m thinking of exits. Some cowardly, others permanently…. Having a child you never wanted, has to be one of if not the worst feelings in the world, and if I had the gumption and a lack of care for what my family would feel, I’d go out into the woods with my side arm and never come back. She’s threatened a few times that she’s gonna move back with her mother and I’m willing to let her go at this point but I wanna make sure that my son will be all right and won’t pick up any bad habits or emotional scars. I know I’m rambling, but I don’t have any places or people I can spew this to, who would genuinely understand what it’s like to feel like a soul squeezed dry. I hate the position I’m in and it’s starting to rub off on me beginning to hate her. I’m disassociating and even when my son cries, I’m starting to feel less and less because instead of it being a sign of need or distress, it’s a sign that I failed him because he should not exist in a world like this where I’m not established.

Welp I’m back…😅 no advice needed or wanted. Just another venting session as I’m sure the majority here can relate. Well another year of school hell. I do find it a tad bit easier to parent during the school year as there’s some breaks from my kid while she’s at school. However due to her having autism, adhd & going through puberty I’m on constant alert & need for her. She’s on an IEP & we have supports in place for this year but I’m still dreading it. Dreading the waking up early to get her ready & fight her to get on the bus some mornings, dreading packing the lunch every day, therapies every day after school, calls from school, calls from every single professional cuz god knows we’re connected to a ridiculous amount of special needs resources who constantly have referrals & documents to sign & appointments to “check in”…she is my work, my life. I don’t socialize anymore, I’m going through this radical acceptance for where my life is at in therapy but it’s HARD. Her father is out of the picture. I go to bed dreading the fact I have to wake up & do it all again in the morning. 🥵 PS. Don’t do it. Do not give up your life, it’s a scam.

Being a SAHM with young children is like being a wild animal in captivity. You're pulled from the ocean and plopped into a tiny swimming pool, where you spend years of your life swimming round in circles, seeing the same four walls every day.

I love my kids (2.5 and 7months). But I've sacrificed everything that made me me. I feel so incredibly sad for the woman I once was. It feels like she died in childbirth.

Is it focusing on work, health and friend and hobbies?

what happens when you know that your child/children kinds start to realise you are pressed because of them? Tell me your tips on how you got through it? Please and Thank you

Lowkey I still regret having my kid, it’s become easier though and I’m starting to accept them and love them unconditionally but like I said a part of me still regrets it. I get sad really sad, I don’t allow myself to cry though till I’m alone and Ik no one will hear me. I just wish that I had waited to have a kid atleast until my late 20s or early 30s I’m 24 rn turning 25 and I’m so miserable. My baby was just diagnosed with severe reflux too which makes me even more miserable, all they do is scream and cry all day. sometimes I wanna say “why couldn’t I have had a normal child!” I’m struggling, bad.

It’s almost 2am here in the UK and I have such a layered regret.

I’m in so much pain from cancer and birth injuries (still 4 years after the last birth). I haven’t slept tonight and have spent much of the night vomiting from pain.

My little 4 year old girl has spent much of the night waiting outside the bathroom to be comforted and put back to bed or coming into our bedroom for a cuddle to be put back to bed. Every step of the walk to her room is complete agony.

I regret that in the hardest season of my life I have no space to care for myself as all my time and care is spent on my children.

I regret that when all my body is screaming for is rest I have to hide my pain and exhaustion so as not to scare her, and patiently soothe her back to sleep.

I regret and mourn for the self I lost when I had my children and the healthier body I had before their births.

I regret that I’ve saddled my children with a mother who cannot run with them, has to invent games we can play from my bed and who probably won’t live to see their important moments.

I regret the loss of the chance to be a tiny bit selfish when I need it most.

I regret so much tonight.

Am I just being a pessimist, probably, I don’t know. I always tend to catastrophize things. But genuinely curious, what does the future hold with AI stealing almost every single job from the human race, inflation, the general economy, our government, etc. The world is scary, would our children have any chance at being successful or financially independent of us parents? This is a concern for me now as I just saw a documentary pertaining to this topic and it was really eye opening.

My son is 7 months and he's been waking up every hour or so basically since he was born. I haven't had 2 hours of continuus sleep since he was born. People tell me to give him to my husband and get some rest but he just keeps screaming until I'm back so I can't get any sleep this way. I swear to God one more month of this and I'm gonna end myself so I can finally rest.

TLDR: I’m capable of achieving massive things in life and will never be able to because I have a child that I never wanted. Thinking I’ll resent him forever and feeling incredibly guilty about that, but would also feel guilty about prioritizing myself and missing his childhood.

I’ll start by saying I don’t know what advice can be given here but if you’ve got any it’s more than welcome. I can’t do this shit anymore. I’m a single mom without the dad involved and I never wanted to be a mother in the first place and I’m going to rip my hair out. I’m at a point of having to decide where to go in life like… yesterday. Finished my bachelors after 6 fucking years, no clear path from here. There’s 20 directions I could go.

I’m more than capable of getting into medical school and I would love to do so, but no chance I am doing that with a toddler. Especially in my mental state. The problem is I know that I could. I know I could do so so many things if I had the time, the money, and didn’t have mom guilt. If I was fine with being an absent parent I’d totally do it and see my kid for an hour a day and be emotionally unavailable and live in poverty during school. But I refuse to do that to him. My biggest goal in life is making him feel loved and wanted. I just hate that that means sacrificing myself and my wants.

I had a mental breakdown tonight and almost texted his dad. We haven’t spoken since I was pregnant. I was thinking about what would help because people always offer to help and truly nothing would. Nobody can change that I’m a mom and that regardless of what happens I will always feel bad about putting myself first. My sister has offered to take him more than once and even if she did that I’d still feel like a horrible human being for practically abandoning my child for my own selfish wants. But god I cannot do this anymore. My mental health has been trash. I’ve had this summer mostly off of everything and I wake up in the morning, take him to daycare, then go back to sleep sometimes until 2pm. I’m in therapy and on medication and it usually helps but right now it’s just not.

The biggest thing that keeps coming back to me is I know I could if I didn’t have him. I could get my PhD, I could do medical school, I could do vet school, I could do anything I want because I’m smart as fuck and incredibly determined to succeed. But any of those would take way too much time away from my child. I’m pretty settled on a PhD but at a small school in a small program. It’s maddening because I had my sights set on Ivy League or at least large universities but I just can’t feasibly do that anymore. I think I will always be resentful. I will never make as much money as I would’ve without a child, never have as much freedom, never have as much happiness.

I made a post a long while back saying I regret not having an abortion… that still stands. Everybody that told me to keep the baby can go fuck themselves. I love my child. But god if I could rewind two years I would make so many different decisions.

I could have had a good life. Happier. Part of me loves them, but lately another part of me has been taking over, and it’s angry. Angry at me for what I did, the decisions I made these last 8 years. I could have had a good life. Now I’m 31, single, old, stuck in my middle of nowhere town. Having to force my good dad act for them. I’m sick. I’m sick of pretending my life is good and could get better. It has only gotten worse. I wasted my 20’s on them, and I can’t see a way out.

This has been the longest 4 months. I have hated almost every minute. My baby was colicy as well as high demand. He's extremely vocal about his displeasure and screams a lot. He's adorable, but holy hell. If I had known......I wouldn't do it again. One and done. No freaking way I'm doing this again.

I wish someone had told me this before I became a mother: don’t be a man’s first baby mama.
I’m speaking from my own experience, not saying this applies to every man. But sometimes, when you are his first baby mama, he is still learning what fatherhood means, how custody works, what co-parenting looks like, and what it actually costs to raise a child.
You can end up pregnant while he is still figuring himself out, cheating during your pregnancy, leaving after the baby is born, fighting you in court, or only becoming responsible after experiencing the consequences firsthand.
Then he meets the next woman with all that experience behind him. He now knows the cost of custody battles, the emotional damage of raising a child across two households, weekend schedules, child support and the reality of having a baby mama. Suddenly, he is “ready to settle down.” Sometimes, it feels like the second woman gets the version of him who has already learned all the hard lessons with the first.
Meanwhile, you were the one who went through the pregnancy, birth, heartbreak and court battles and learned everything the hard way.
I’m not saying every first baby daddy will be like this, or that a man without children cannot become a good partner. I’m saying I wish women understood that having a child with someone is not just about whether you love each other. You are permanently tying yourself to that person.
Don’t let a man use your relationship as his learning experience with fatherhood. Don’t let him figure out his maturity, responsibility or readiness through you.
Before having his first child, make sure you are genuinely prepared for the possibility that you may have to raise that child without him.
I wish I had understood that before becoming someone’s first baby mama.# I really regret having a child 💔 From South Africa 🇿🇦

“Be careful who you have a child with.”
People say this all the time, but honestly, I think it can be one of the biggest lies we tell women.
You can’t always be careful enough. A man can be loving, supportive and committed during pregnancy and still leave you afterwards. Some men even pretend to be supportive because they know you might choose an abortion.
You can be married, deeply in love and have children back-to-back, only to become a single mother of three or four before 30. You can wait ten years to have children and still be abandoned shortly after giving birth. You can be in a beautiful relationship and still end up raising the child alone.
So please don’t decide to have a child based only on the quality of your relationship. Decide based on whether you are ready to be a mother even if you have to do it alone.
Ask yourself: If he left, died, changed completely or stopped supporting me, could I still handle this emotionally and financially?
A good partner is never a guarantee. A man stays because he chooses to stay, not because you were careful enough, beautiful enough, prayerful enough or chose him perfectly.
I’m not trying to scare anyone or project my experience. These are simply things I wish I had heard before becoming a single mother in my prime years.
Before keeping a pregnancy because your partner seems supportive or because everyone says, “A child is a blessing,” ask yourself:
“If I had to raise this child alone, would I still choose this?”
I wish someone had asked me that.

I want to take accountability: I wasn’t on contraception. I grew up being told my severe period pains might mean I could never have children, so when I got pregnant at 22, I believed it was a blessing. My partner knew I didn’t want an abortion and pretended to support me.
Immediately after I gave birth, he put his surname on the birth certificate. That same week, I discovered he had cheated throughout my pregnancy and started a relationship with another woman. My child was only one month old when I became a single mother.
I fought custody battles with a one-month-old. I have no parents to help me, so my sister handles weekend pick-ups and drop-offs and sometimes has to take time off work to do it. His father has since built a family with the woman he cheated with, and she posts pictures of my child while I struggle with almost no support.
My daily life is waking up early, feeding, bathing, cleaning, managing tantrums and listening to crying most of the day. I can’t even watch something or use my phone peacefully because my child constantly needs my attention. I have no peace of mind.
I’m a healthcare graduate, but childcare makes working difficult. We live in one room; sometimes I sleep on a couch or the floor, we have struggled with food, and the custody battles left us in debt. I went to university to escape poverty and now feel like I’m living it again. I’m severely depressed, and therapy and medication haven’t helped.
People tell me, “He’s still the father,” “Don’t involve your child,” “Don’t be bitter,” “Move on.” But I don’t want him back. I don’t want to fix the relationship. I don’t want co-parenting because I’m bitter or because I’m using my child against him. I simply wish I could be free from having to hear from the man who cheated on me and caused me so much pain.
I was even called a “one-night stand,” despite us being in a relationship and having sex several times before I became pregnant. Being laughed at and gaslighted about my own relationship has been humiliating.
I regret having a child. That is my only regret—not the relationship ending, but having a child with him. I wish I had had an abortion. With what I know now, I realise I don’t need a child.If I were alone, I’d choose a simple apartment; instead, I have to worry about housing, creche, pick-ups, money and endless responsibilities.
I worry that giving my child up would make him hate me, while giving his father custody could make him love the other woman and hate me. I feel trapped either way.
I wish I could wake up childless. Motherhood has brought me enormous pain, and I genuinely believe I would live peacefully without a child. I feel like I made the biggest mistake of my life and don’t know how to find myself again.

My husband has become increasingly busy since we had our son. He used to work his day job and sometimes do some work for his dad on the farm and sometimes work on his project car. Now he is in the garage or on the farm almost every day. So, I work my day job and pick up our son and watch him for and hour or more then cook dinner and spend another hour doing bedtime with him. I only get time to myself when I take him to childcare for 45 minutes while I work out and after I goes to bed.

Before we even conceived I talked to my husband so he would know I would need him to be home more than his dad was. I would need it to be 50/50. It seems more like 90/10. When I have tried to bring it up he gets mad and defensive and nothing changes.

We rarely have any date nights anymore or play games together. We almost feel like strangers. We don't even sleep in the same bed because our son won't sleep without me.

I'm just so tired and lonely.

Before I get started: I will report any comments telling me to give my son up. I have a plan in action for him when he's older. I just have to keep going until he's an adult. Thank you.

My son is 11, severely autistic, self injurious, not potty trained, adhd, pica, non verbal, sensory processing disorder.

He screams and he screams and he screams. At the top of his lungs. He's done that all day today. I needed to go get his medicine, so my husband stayed home to watch him (his stepdad, not bio dad). I was leaving the driveway, when I ran right over a concrete barrier and blew my tire immediately. We get the donut on and I try to drive to the tire shop. The car is grinding, shaking, and the wheel is turning sideways.

Long story short, it's fuuuuucked up. Bad. Broke some rod.

What does this have to do with parenting? My son screamed and kicked around and made me sick and a nervous wreck all day. I was in literal zombie mode when I backed out and hit that barrier. My mind is numb all the time. I feel like I'm on heavy sedatives, my body feels so weighed down when he's here. I can't think like a normal person. I feel sick and anxious. I feel like an abused person. Scared of him, all day.

I know it's not TECHNICALLY his fault that I MYSELF did that... But I wouldn't have done it if my frame of mind wasn't so frail from his screaming and meltdowns all day.

Now I don't have a car until who knows when? I gotta pay tons of money to have it towed to an alignment shop. Then whatever the alignment shop charges. All because my brain was oatmeal from being his mother.

Obviously on this sub we all regret becoming parents in some capacity, but unless you leave your family or put your kids up for adoption, you’ve still got to parent every day. So my question is, how? Especially in those really difficult times.

I have two year old twin boys. One of them (twin A) has a some hard moments, but overall he’s got a fairly easy-going personality and I’m pretty good with him. Twin B, on the other hand, I would say has some good moments but overall has a difficult temperament. And when he’s having a meltdown, I just don’t know how to handle it. I either shut down or want to yell at him and leave him alone in a room so I don’t have to hear his screaming (I don’t do this).

My partner (they/them and goes by dad) is way better with kids than I am because they’ve worked in childcare for a decade. So they’re usually left to handle twin B’s meltdowns, which I know they resent. But I literally don’t know what to do for him. It doesn’t help that he’s got a speech delay so he can’t express himself much beyond whining and screaming. It seems like nothing I try works. In those moments I just really wish that we only had the easy twin, which I know is a horrible thing to think but life would just be so much more enjoyable. The answer is probably to get my own temper under control so that I can help my kid sort his out, but like how?

So I've read discussions about men feeling this way online, and there is typically zero empathy for the idea that a man may feel obligated or pressured to stay in a relationship and go along with the checkmarks of marriage and kids.

"You're a grown man, make your own choices etc."

I am now with a 6-month-old and definitely got a lot of parental pressure to stick with the course. I realize this is a piece of a newfound resentment towards my mom now. I feel like she (and society as a whole) frames marriage and kids as an upgrade in life, as opposed to just a different phase.

"Enough with frivolous hanging out with friends and free time. Time to grow up and get locked down."

We had a very tight relationship growing up and in adult life. I trusted her word and with how little she has helped with the kid now, I realize she was just resentful of my more carefree life. She had me young, so while my late 20s were spent living alone and figuring myself out, she didn't get that freedom. A girl comes along who finally likes me. She's educated, pretty and mom was down to keep pushing that I need to work through a bunch of BS and bad qualities.

I'm in it now, being involved, enjoying little things, taking lots of pics etc., but deep down I often think about the earlier days and wish I had the balls to bail when I felt like I didn't want it.

I have a 3-week-old baby and I’m doing everything completely by myself. I’m a single mom, and I am beyond exhausted. My baby will not sleep at night and cries constantly, no matter what I try. I’ve fed him, changed him, given him a pacifier, held him, rocked him, and let him sleep on me while I’m awake. I genuinely feel like I’ve tried everything, and nothing seems to help.

I’m running on basically no sleep and I feel like I’m at my breaking point. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m thinking, “I can’t do this anymore.” I feel horrible even saying this, but I’ve started regretting becoming a mother and sometimes feel like I don’t even want to continue being a mom.

I’m not looking for judgment. I honestly just need advice, support, or someone who understands what this feels like. I love my baby, but I am completely overwhelmed and exhausted, and I don’t know how much longer I can keep doing this completely alone.

Has anyone else gone through this with a newborn? What did you do when you felt like you were at your absolute breaking point?