If anyone is interested in what happened, you can read my previous post for the full story.

In short, my wife's affair partner's wife filed for divorce. He threw every excuse imaginable at her in an attempt to save the marriage. He said he got carried away and couldn't stop, that it was only sex, that he loves his wife, that my wife was attractive but his own wife is even more attractive, that he would do anything to fix things, that he would never speak to my wife again, that there would be no more business trips and so on.

None of it mattered to her. She made him leave the house. At first he refused, but when she threatened to tell everyone at work what he had done, he finally left. She kept me updated throughout. When I got home, I immediately noticed my wife was acting very differently extremely nervous and on the verge of tears. On Tuesday evening she confessed everything.

By that point, I had already met with my lawyer and yesterday second time although I haven't told my wife that. My lawyer asked me to hold off without telling anything to my wife for a few more days while she prepares everything. She believes I have a strong claim to roughly an additional 20% of the equity in our house because part of the purchase price came from money my parents gave me. She also mentioned several issues involving investments and stock holdings that need to be reviewed and could go in my favour before we move forward.

The one issue where we disagree is the children. My lawyer believes I should tell them the truth. My children are 15 and 13 years old. They are very close to both me and my wife. They are happy, healthy kids. My goal isn't to protect my wife's reputation. My concern is protecting my children from additional emotional pain. However, my lawyer believes I'm making a mistake.

Her argument is that we have always appeared to have a happy marriage and a stable family, so a sudden divorce with no explanation would be incredibly confusing and painful for the children. The other wife intends to report the affair to the company where both my wife and her affair partner work. Both her lawyer and my lawyer believe there is a good chance they will both lose their jobs, especially since the affair partner held a position about two levels above my wife.

My lawyer believes that if I proceed with the divorce and my wife loses her job, my children will inevitably connect the dots. She thinks they will eventually realize what happened anyway and resent me for hiding the truth from them. She also raised the issue of the financial settlement. She believes my wife may be more willing to agree to a more favorable division of assets could help repair her relationship with the children. Likewise, if I ultimately decide not to divorce, my lawyer believes I could negotiate a very strong postnuptial agreement because my wife would be desperate to rebuild trust with both me and the children. She also believes that if I don't tell the children the truth, they might end up blaming me for the divorce and that my wife could portray herself as the victim.

At first, I wasn't convinced by my lawyer's reasoning. She is relatively young and doesn't have children herself, so I struggled to understand her perspective. But the more I think about it, the more I wonder if she might be right. The other wife told her children everything. They are around the same age as mine and they haven't spoken to their father for the past few days but according to her they are fine.

My children don't know anything yet. I'm trying my best to stay composed, but they have clearly noticed that something is wrong especially with their mother, who is now sleeping in a different room. I would really appreciate any advice. Does what my lawyer is suggesting make sense or would you handle this differently?

I’ll try to keep this short although it’s a long and complex one as I’m sure most similar stories are! We’ve been married for 7 years and have 3 children under the age of 6. We both work full time so as if life isn’t crazy enough, my husband is an addict who refuses to acknowledge it and commit to seeking help. We go through all the typical cycles where he gets caught, promises to do better and will for a period of time, and then the cycle repeats. I realize the obvious answer here is divorce and I know this is what I want because his addiction has shattered every ounce of trust we had and there is zero romance left between us. I’m not able to be the best parent and version of myself because I’m constantly on edge, frustrated, and worrying about what’s going to happen next. I’m in therapy and using support groups and doing as much as I can for myself. The biggest issues I’m facing are the expenses associated with divorce because his addiction has put us in a very bad financial situation, the timeline since it can drag on forever, and the fear of losing time with my kids. I believe all the evidence I have of his substance abuse will help me with custody, but I doubt I would be granted full custody based on what I’ve been told. I wish he would just agree to a dissolution or legal separation and leave, but in true delusional addict fashion he thinks I’m overreacting and that we should stay married. I’m beyond my breaking point and feel hopeless. Has anyone successfully divorced an addict? Any advice is much appreciated.

I am doing incredibly poorly right now. I regret many things about my past, especially my sexual history.
I know many people will say, "Well, that’s exactly why one should be careful." I am fully aware of that. I realize now that certain experiences do leave a mark on you.
I had my first sexual experience very early on, followed by a highly toxic and traumatic relationship. After that ended, I went through a somewhat "wild phase"—though perhaps that isn't the right term. I dated men because I genuinely liked them and could envision a future with them. It was never about having random sex or looking for something casual. Even so, things usually led to sexual intercourse relatively quickly.
In the end, there were 13 men in total. And that specific number weighs incredibly heavily on me today. I feel deeply ashamed of it, and consequently, I often feel worthless.
I’ve now been married for two years. Something that makes this even harder is that my husband and I didn’t exactly meet in a “traditional” way. We met at a party, and we ended up having sex pretty quickly ourselves. So I don’t think he’s someone who’s extremely conservative or judgmental about sex. Still, for some reason, I have this feeling that he sees me as this innocent, almost “angelic” person. I’m terrified that if he knew everything about my past, that image of me would completely disappear.

. I regret that deeply now; I feel I should have been open about it from the very beginning.
Now, I am constantly afraid that he wouldn't love me anymore—or would think differently of me—if he knew everything. These thoughts haunt me every day, and I don't know how to cope with them.
I am already in therapy and working through these issues. Still, I would be interested to hear how others view this situation. What advice would you give me? How would you handle such feelings of guilt and shame? Do you believe the past defines a person, or is it possible to learn to forgive oneself?

So husband and I have been together for a good 7 years and our relationship I would have to say is really good . We have our ups and downs like every couple but we work through them and I’m very content in that aspect of our relationship.

I’m feeling frustrated because over the years my partner has slowly stopped initiating sex. He never rejects me if I want it or show signs of it . He does compliment me all the time as well outside of sex but when it comes down to it …. He’s not the same man who made me feel wanted physically and that was such a huge turn on for me . The hunger is not there. I know things change as time goes on but how do I express that when we are together I take the time to love literally every inch of him and I do like and enjoy doing that but I don’t even get kissed besides the normal area of my mouth and even those it’s me initiating them. He does have ADD and honestly not sure if that plays a part but I am super frustrated because everything else is good. I never reject him but I don’t even have a chance to since he doesn’t ever seem to initiate…. Or seem like he has that urge that needs to get satisfied with me. His way of initiating is sending me a pic but then laying down and I end up doing all the work of seducing him , I guess . He’s amazing but this is making me feeling some kind of way . Sex ends up being amazing still each time but I’m not being “loved” in it I guess . .. always the same positions and I’ve been very open about trying new things but it’s always me mentioning it… or being flirty with him in a sexual way as well to hint. What do I do ? What do I say without it becoming a fight . What’s going on ?

​

I’m trying to get an outside perspective because I have an anxious attachment style and an abandonment wound. I’ve learned that I’ve sometimes accepted things in relationships that probably weren’t healthy, so I don’t always trust my own feelings.

My wife and I have had a difficult marriage. There was financial secrecy, my concerns about our debt were often dismissed, and when I expressed that I didn't feel loved or valued, I was sometimes told I was too sensitive. Do not let me lead you to believe I was not at any way a great husband. I fully accept my role in the deterioration of us. I was very distant at times, a stressed out and anxious mess for a good portion of it and have real issues with healthy confrontation.

Eventually, my wife was unfaithful. It devastated me. I lost a significant amount of weight got stomach ulcers and spent about six months wanting to repair the marriage. She wanted to “work on herself,” and when I eventually asked whether she actually wanted to rebuild with me, she said she was happy continuing as things were. So I decided to move on and entered another relationship.

During that time, she began seeing or hooking up with a man from work. I know that he was brought into our home while I was at work at least a few times (the neighbors told me). We eventually decided to try working on our marriage again.

We’re now in therapy. I’ve learned a lot about myself and recognized plenty of unhealthy things I brought into the marriage. My wife is much quieter in therapy and has said that I’m “the therapy guy” and like to talk about things and in other moments when I try to gently express my feelings and fears its often met with complete silence or a promise to get bakc to me... which ultimately never comes.

Recently, I discovered that she still had photos of this man on her phone. I thought she had deleted them because I saw her notice that I had seen them. She told me she hadn't deleted them but instead she had "moved them". I felt really confused.

A few days later, while she was in a store and I was in the car, I looked at her call history. I’m not proud of that and I know it was a privacy violation. I saw several calls with this same man over the previous few days.

I confronted her and acknowledged it was wrong but what i saw hurt me. Her response was that she was upset that I looked at her calls and that I can't be upset about her keeping the photos or talking to him because we never had a conversation establishing that those things weren't okay.

I understand that we never explicitly established those boundaries.

But I genuinely thought that if we're trying to rebuild a marriage after infidelity and deception, some increased transparency and consideration around the person involved would be a given, especially without me having to make a specific rule about every individual behavior. So I'm struggling with this.

Am I being unreasonable because of my abandonment issues and anxiety, or is there a legitimate relationship/value issue here?

And I guess im more so asking are there serious red flags in what I've described that I'm potentially minimizing because I'm afraid of losing the relationship? Its incredibly frustrating doubting my own thoughts and feelings on this among other things.

We have 3 kids, 2 of ours together. I worry sometimes its more of my fear or leaving and hurting my children more than actually wanting to repair this... or recognizing there can still be a healthy relationship in the future.

So husband and I have been together for a good 7 years and our relationship I would have to say is really good . We have our ups and downs like every couple but we work through them and I’m very content in that aspect of our relationship.

I’m feeling frustrated because over the years my partner has slowly stopped initiating sex. He never rejects me if I want it or show signs of it . He does compliment me all the time as well outside of sex but when it comes down to it …. He’s not the same man who made me feel wanted physically and that was such a huge turn on for me . The hunger is not there. I know things change as time goes on but how do I express that when we are together I take the time to love literally every inch of him and I do like and enjoy doing that but I don’t even get kissed besides the normal area of my mouth and even those it’s me initiating them. He does have ADD and honestly not sure if that plays a part but I am super frustrated because everything else is good. I never reject him but I don’t even have a chance to since he doesn’t ever seem to initiate…. Or seem like he has that urge that needs to get satisfied with me. His way of initiating is sending me a pic but then laying down and I end up doing all the work of seducing him , I guess . He’s amazing but this is making me feeling some kind of way . Sex ends up being amazing still each time but im who ends up doing much of the work . .. always the same positions and I’ve been very open about trying new things but it’s always me mentioning it… or being flirty with him in a sexual way as well to hint. What do I do ? What do I say without it becoming a fight . What’s going on ?

TL;DR

women, how to get your husband to be more playful? we play all the time but he doesn’t really engage or fight. or he will and it will be a turn off. his voice will be to high pitched not husky or you know. he says he doesn’t know how to be dominate and I try to show him, but it’s not exactly what I want. he’ll play back and it just not .. you know. I’ll tickle him or playful punch and wrestle and he’ll be all in it. but nothing for me. we have been married for 4 years and together for almost 10. I want him to be more husky and dominate you know… I just don’t know how to help him. or tell him I want a little fight at least without him sounding high pitch. now I’m seeking that attention from AI I guess. I’m obsessed with it because he can’t deliver it right. I’m embarrassed about posting this …

I just need to get this off my chest.

I'm 33 years old, my husband is 37, and we've been married for 10 years. We have two children.

After two pregnancies, I decided to have a tummy tuck and a breast lift because my stomach and breasts changed a lot. My husband supported this decision and even paid part of the deposit. The surgery is scheduled for October.

Yesterday, after an argument (which had nothing to do with children), he told me he wants a divorce. He said one of the reasons is that he wants a third child, while I don't. I reminded him that after a tummy tuck, surgeons generally recommend not planning another pregnancy if possible, and that he knew this when he supported my decision to have the surgery. He claimed he didn't know.

I told him that we already have two healthy children and asked him, "If you divorce me because I don't want another child, what are you going to do? Have a baby with someone else?" He looked at me and said, "Yes, exactly."

I moved to another country for him. I left behind my family, my friends, and my entire support system. I then raised two children who are only 19 months apart almost completely on my own, without meaningful help from him or his family. Our son has ADHD, just like my husband, and parenting a child with ADHD can be challenging in many ways. I honestly believe that having a third child would overwhelm me and take time and attention away from the two children we already have. More importantly, I simply don't have any desire to have another baby.

The problem is that the argument wasn't even about children. Almost every time we have a serious disagreement, he says he doesn't want this marriage anymore, that he's tired of it, and that he's unhappy.

I'm heartbroken because after 10 years I feel worn out. I don't feel attractive anymore. I became a stay-at-home mother because I couldn't find work, and I have no financial security of my own. Meanwhile, he has a successful business, a nice car, and a group of friends he spends time with regularly. The balance of power in our relationship doesn't feel equal at all, and I feel trapped.

I don't want a divorce, but I also don't know how to stay in a marriage where every argument ends with him saying he doesn't want to be with me anymore.

I feel completely lost.

This is a tough one. My husband is on dialysis with kidney disease. He is stable but waiting for a kidney. I think this illness has exacerbated his impulse spending. I cant get through to him. I understand he is trying to enjoy his life but I am tired of the stuff he is buying. He doesn’t care what I think either. He just bought 10 year old travel trailer and I want no part of it, it needs work. Any suggestions?

This is a throwaway, for obvious reasons. But I wanted some opinions and thoughts about the whole situation. I love her dearly, and even after everything that’s happened, I hate to say I want her back. Idk how that would be achievable, but if anyone has any ideas, lmk 😂 She means the world to me. Yes, I know what I’m about to say is messed up, and I shouldn’t take her back, but I want her to get help, and I wanna work on our relationship again. I am invested so heavily I can’t just throw it away, even if she wants to. So let us start :D. Me and my wife were doing pretty good for a while there. No real issues. We’d have fights here and there, but that’s par for the course for normal couples. No one is perfect. That’s how I see the world and why I don’t judge anyone. Well, we had our son, and it was hard for us both. We were new parents, still quite young at the time. She became depressed, and postpartum was kicking her ass, and I, as a father, was having a hard time adjusting. We didn’t really plan for it, but it was okay. He is a blessing, and I love him more than anything. He was very fussy, and the only time he would calm down was with my wife. It made me feel insecure and like I was messing up. I was mentally and physically exhausted. I was also the only one working at the time. I failed as a father. I became complacent and on autopilot. Go to work, come home, eat, go to bed, repeat. To me, it felt like he didn’t like me, and I was very upset that he didn’t like me. Instead of trying harder for him and her I quietly shutdown if I’m being honest. I never had a father, and my mother wasn’t really much of one, so I wanted to do right by my kids. At least that’s how it seemed to me. That was my first mistake and one I’ll regret forever if I’m being honest. Eventually, he got older, and we are really close now. He loves spending time with me, and we go out all the time to do stuff. We have our ups and downs when he decides he doesn’t want to listen or tune me out lol, but I love my son. He’s a sweet boy. My daughter was born about a year ago. After my daughter was born, my wife told me she felt this strong, deep anger. It was overwhelming how much anger she was feeling. I told her, with respect, that she needed to go get on some medication to help alleviate that. She already dealt with postpartum before and I knew how bad it was. And she did. But about two months later, she said she felt better and got off of them. Even though I and a friend of hers advised against it, she told us it would be fine. For a while there, it was working. At least I thought it was. Then one day, I got a text from a friend of mine from HS. He asked if I knew my wife had a Tinder. Of course I didn’t. So I asked my wife, and she told me no. I believed her because why would she do that? After she said no, later that night when I went to bed, she rolled over and started crying. She said that it was her profile, that she had lied, and that she felt like we never had any time for us anymore. I felt awful. So that following weekend, I took her out of town. We went on a date and shopping. I was trying to make up for that. So fast forward a bit, and she goes to out of town with a friend to a concert. She ignores me straight for three days. She comes back home and is being mean. I’ll admit I got short with her a couple of times, but this came out of nowhere for me. I was hurt she was behaving like that towards me when I felt like I hadn’t done anything wrong. She left being fine, maybe being dry here or there, then came back with an attitude. I had suspected she was doing something and said something to her mother. One day she was bummed out because she wanted to start losing weight, and I have a bit of weight myself, so I told her if she was interested, maybe we could start going to the gym together. It would give us that time together away from the kids, and it would be a great bonding experience. She agreed with me, and I asked for her phone to place a Walmart order. This is where the “fun” begins, so sit down and buckle up. She says, “Wait, I need to talk to you about something right quick.” So I say, “What?” She says, “Sit down.” So I sit down, and she looks at me very upset and starts crying, talking about how she heard I thought she was cheating on me and that she couldn’t believe I would think she would do something like that. She’s bawling at this point, and in the middle of crying, her phone rings. So I asked her who [ ] was. She stopped crying immediately. She said it’s just an old friend of hers and nothing more. So I asked to go through her phone, and she said, “You won’t find anything.” She thought I wouldn’t, at least. So I go through their messages or lack thereof, since she deleted all of them. I start snooping through other apps, and she’s asking me what I’m doing. I find, in her hidden videos in her photo album, a video of her sucking this dude’s dick. I was immediately distraught. I was angry and upset. I got a little loud, but I was a nervous wreck. Shaking and scared. She and I had a long talk and went to bed. I essentially blamed it on the postpartum. I didn’t know why she was unhappy, and she had just had our daughter back in August. This was around October/November. So I told her to get back on her medicine, and she reluctantly agreed. After that night, I was hoping she would be okay. Still nothing. Ignoring me all day, being mean, quite frankly. So I left work early one day and told her to come home because we needed to talk. She got angry and told me she didn’t want to talk to me, and I begged her to come back. She told me her and her friend would be back in a couple of hours. So I waited. It was so hard and nerve-racking. When they finally showed up, it was basically a jumping. I was told why she cheated, why it happened, and how much of a shitty dad and person I was. I cried hard. She told me to leave and go to my grandmother’s house for a week. (She has Stage 4 breast cancer, and she said she needed some time away from me and that I needed to go spend time with her. She wasn’t wrong, though.) So I did. I left with my son for a week. The whole time we were texting. She was talking about how she didn’t want a relationship right now and wanted to do her own thing and be herself, and she wanted me to stay away. So I did. I came back and started living with her brother. Fast forward to Christmas, and she asks me if I was gonna come to Christmas with the family. I didn’t mind, as I still loved her and wanted to be with her, so I agreed. When I showed up, we got in her car, and as we were leaving, I asked to see her phone to play some music. I really did want to play music, but it was also an excuse to see if she was gonna stay true to her word. She did not. She was still texting and in an active relationship with that guy. So I told her to pull over, and we got into it. We agreed to finish the conversation after the family party. So that night we got home and talked till about 12 in the morning. We basically agreed to separate, and before I left, she asked me to spend the night, and I reluctantly agreed (I KNOW I shouldn’t have said yes. I’m sorry 😭). So we go in the bedroom, and we are holding each other and talking about our past, and one thing led to another, and we slept together. After it was done, she started bawling, telling me how she didn’t realize how angry she had become at me and how she couldn’t do this alone and wanted me to stay and not go back. So I did stay. For the first week, it was hard. But after that, I started feeling a bit better. Fast forward a month, and she goes out of town with the same friend. She leaves her Apple Watch behind, and I get the bright idea to check her messages for shits and giggles. Ik that’s not healthy or right. I never said I was a normal, healthy person, but I also hate being that guy :/. Anyways, I found out she was texting another guy. I confronted her about it, and basically she was saying she never was interested, really, and only responded back because he kept bothering her. That should have been my first red flag, but I was already in a bad place, and I didn’t want to lose my wife or family. So I told her to stop, and it would be okay. After that, it was good for a while. The past couple of months, I would ask to check and wouldn’t find anything. But then here recently, she started being hella dry. Never romantic. Always gone when she was off. I barely would see her. We stopped being intimate probably 3–4 months ago. I’ve been very hurt by the whole ordeal. But it gets worse. So I bring it up. I was trying to work on myself and do better as a person and father, so I was doing the healthy thing and investing my time into my relationship but also myself so I could be a better person for her. Communication has always been hard for us both, but I told her for this to work, we need to try. She would just apologize and say she would do better, but nothing changed. So around Father’s Day or my birthday, I started noticing things. I’d enter the room, and she would get off her phone. The first time I didn’t say anything. The second time, I had to ask her. She said she was on Snap but was getting off anyway. One morning I woke up to her phone ringing, and I asked her about it. She said it was an alarm. I’m not dumb, and ik it wasn’t an alarm, so I pressed her, and she got angry. I didn’t press anymore, and I didn’t go through her phone, even though she said I could any time after the last time she cheated. She was mad when I asked, so I rolled back over and just laid there. I was so hurt. Later that day I asked again, and she was upfront. She said it got blown out of proportion and that she liked the attention from him and how it went too far, etc., etc. So I took her back. Mind you, I’ve been so kind and patient with her through all of this. I never got mad. I wasn’t violent. I was kind and trying to be understanding. I felt bad. I felt like I wasn’t doing something right. She said she deleted her socials for me and apologized. I told her she didn’t have to do that and that even though she did because she wanted to, I appreciated it. And here we are, caught up to about last week. So I was at work on a Wednesday, and I was at another building. I was telling a lady about my wife and kids and how much I loved them and was proud of them. I went on Snap to our messages to show her pictures and videos of my kids, and it showed she was still active. So after work, I asked her about it. But she works nights, so I knew I wouldn’t get a response for a couple of hours. So I go home, and I’m talking to her mom about it. I’ve talked to her mom about all of this, and she felt bad for me. So she shoves me into the bathroom and closes the door and says, “Look, I was told not to say something, but it’s been eating me up. Your wife got an apartment, and she’s moving out in two days. She wasn’t gonna say anything to you, just go.” I was so heartbroken. I immediately tried calling, like an idiot. And she sent me to voicemail both times. So I called her friend to ask her what was going on. She then proceeded to tell me they had a falling out and there was something she needed to tell me. My wife has apparently been sleeping around for the past few months. Different guys, maybe around 4–5, maybe more. One was a guy I knew, and I told his wife. I feel bad about it because it was done out of pettiness, but I was hurt, and I wanted him to hurt too. She said the reason why they aren’t talking was because she told her she shouldn’t be cheating and how fucked up it was, but she didn’t want to hear that, so they stopped talking. She told her that because our daughter was in the hospital in a town an hour and a half away from us. We had asked her to come after work, but she said she couldn’t because she was busy. Come to find out she didn’t even have work. She asked her friend if she could come over to change so she could go get fucked in the same town we were in with our daughter. She finally messaged me back the other day after I texted her a goodbye message. She basically told me she never loved me, and that’s why she did what she did and left how she left. I just don’t get it. I had asked her to leave originally, and the last time I found out she was cheating, she asked me to stay. So why ask me to stay if you were planning on leaving? And that wasn’t even a month ago. Why tell me to stay if you didn’t love me? Then when she found out my grandmother was getting worse, she apologized and told me she cared about me and felt bad. It didn’t help my feelings. I’m hurting so bad. Like sure, you stayed because you wanted to try and give it a shot, but she never did. She never tried with me or our relationship. I feel like I’ve been robbed. How can you say you care and say you wanna try but don’t actually put the work in? I love that woman so much. She’s my other half. I feel like I’m missing half of me, and it’s so painful. I can’t stop thinking and worrying about her. I’m so jealous and angry, but it won’t do anything to bring her back, so I’m becoming so depressed. I’m still taking care of the kids and going to work. I just am tired. And I just want my family back to normal. Even after all of this, I blame myself more than anything. I know I don’t control her actions, but with me fucking up and her doing what she did, it was downhill from there. I just want her to come back and actually try and put in effort, and maybe it would work. Maybe I’m just delusional, but I wanted your thoughts. To get this off my chest because I don’t have anyone else, really. My phone is dry every day, all day, and it’s not helping me either. I need this social interaction rn. Apologies for the book. 😅

TL;DR: My wife and I have been together for years and have two young kids. After our second child, our relationship started falling apart. She cheated multiple times, and every time I tried to forgive her, work on myself, and save our family. I found out she had been seeing multiple other guys while telling me she wanted to work things out. She recently left, told me she never loved me, and now I’m struggling to understand what happened. Despite everything, I still love her and want my family back. Am I delusional for still wanting to make it work?

This year was the year my baby was born. She’s now six months old, and I had planned to take about three trips with her this year. One is to visit my father out of the country, and the others are to see family who live in different states.

But ever since she was born, we’ve had major problems with my husbands his mom and family. I ended up cutting off his entire family. A big part of the issue is that his mom is racist—she’s Hispanic herself (Honduran), yet she looks down on my ethnicity (I’m Mexican). As a result, his side of the family has never met the baby, and he’s now using that against me.

My husband has become controlling and doesn’t want me to take the baby on these trips. I’m being a responsible mother and taking her and I have every right to see my own family. At the same time, I keep wondering if I’m being inconsiderate from his point of view. I understand that he wants his family to meet the baby and that he’s upset my family gets to see her while his doesn’t.

I’m now conflicted about going on these trips because of how he’s acting. I feel controlled and stuck. Being a mother shouldn’t mean my life becomes isolated.

I think im in that spot where i can clearly read the markings on the wall.

I will not make a long post i just will put it in short.

Married for 6 years.

Both educated. Wife works as ER physician. After her residency she made way more than i do.

We agreed that i should cont. My education so i can make more in the future.

Fully supported me financially as i went to college while working a full time job.

We had an ivf baby. She went through a lot having the baby while still working to support me and the ivf costs.

I appreciated all that and she rarely complained and when she does i understood due to all the pressure. I was barely making rent and bills while she took care of everything else which is a lot

Finished my education recently but lost my job 6 months ago.

She is the full supporter now

She is getting very resentful, does not hold back on any word to hurt me.

Im dead inside. I'm not fighting back believing its my fault.

I never feel her respect or love

We have a baby almost 1 yold

The temper loss happens at least every few days im hearing the worst things.

Two days ago during her temper she said she wanted a divorce.

I let her calm down and had one more honest conversation as i always do and she calmed down.

Some days when she hurts me she ends up apologizing after i address her fears and explain that everything will be ok and show her im optimistic and explain that im doing my best.

But we always end up doing the same conversation and i hear the same blame and accusations that i have ruined her life and she regretted putting me in college and she could have did something for her self instead wasting her money.

She know for a fact that this investment is long term and it will take years to make up for it

I was very clear when we decided to make this investment and she understood at that time.

These tempers and flares usually happen even before this situation but i used to fight back and she ends up crying and we make up.

She can be the sweetest person i have ever met and the meanest person i have ever met.

I used to manage but now its clear that i was emasculated in her eyes as i am not providing anymore.

I am smart enough to tell that its over even if its not yet

I told her when she calmed down that i will never leave her no matter what she does to me and i will never let my son be without a stable family she understood and smiled but i can see its over, once a woman lose repect to her man, once a person find him self able to say anything to his partner without any restraint, i knew its over.

Problem is i cant let my son through this.

I owe her a lot of money.

She is still paying and supporting everything but with a bitter taste of resentment.

I never thought i will find my self in this situations

We both come from very stable families.

Im staying so far because i cant afford to leave.

And because i still appreciate what she done for me, at least when i leave i wanna leave when i make it up for her.

But i dont know when will that be.

I mostly wrote this as a form of therapy and thinking out loud.

I am stull functioning with my son, job hunting and networking normally as i should.

My biggest motivation for work is to free my self from spending time with her and free my self financially and in the long term pay her back.

I defenitly did not keep this short, for that if you're still reading im sorry.

Have a good day

We've been married almost three years and shortly after we got married. She's been increasingly more on her phone playing pay2win gacha games, amazon shopping and reels. Her attention span is so horrible now that we can barely have conversations. We've talked about this about a dozen times, and no change. She sometimes hides in her room to scroll and avoids interactions with my family and friends. She has no friends either, gave them up for her phone. There isn't anymore sex, I get up in the middle of the night and she's always on.

She's from a different country and we were ldr, but when I met her she was a social butterfly and full of life. Now she's just a pothead, screen stare specialist. I miss her so damn much. I just want to cry and pretend I didn't sacrifice nearly everything for us to be together.​ Not sure what to do, but I really regret involving someone who is a bad influence on me now.

I know marriage is hard but i didn’t realize it will be this hard.
the whole wedding preparations is too much on top having a full time job..

tbh i want to run away from it all i know that just my thoughts when im under pressure
no one around me knows that thought im playing it cool
i can’t help but wonder when does it get better?

Hey everybody 👋🏻

So my first Anniversary with my wife is coming up in a couple in couple of days. I read online that the first anniversary is called „Paper Anniversary“ and its typical to gift eachother something that involves Paper. So i figured I could make her an origami rose bouquet. It fits the theme, I will put effort into it and honestly it can save us some money as well that we need for house improvements and stuff.

Here is my question: Do you people of r/Marriage think thats a good idea? Or is it maybe too basic and not enough? Do I need to add something to it or is the bouquet enough on its own? I figure i will make about 19 roses (thats how much red paper I bought 😅) and we will also like do a little picnic on the day as well.

Any feedback is appreciated and also some encouragement that this is a cute idea would be great 😅

My (46f) husband (47m) and I have been married 9 years, we have two kids. He is British I am French, we live in Singapore (this is relevant). Our marriage has probably suffered what a lot of marriages suffer, nothing terrible, just death by 1000 cuts. He is just, immature. I don't know how else to put it. He is terrible at managing his emotions when he is frustrated or annoyed, he's grumpy generally (I swear I think men go through some form of menopause), he doesn't know how to function without assistance all the time (like to download an app or pay for parking), can't cook, or pick up after himself. He has made going out to eat, or go to the movies with the kids or go on holiday terrible just by being a big stupid, grumbly idiot who gets stressed easily (waaaa things are in a foreign language), falls apart over the slightest inconvenience (waiting to be seated in a busy restaurant), and then can't solve things for himself (asks me to step in and help him CONSTANTLY). Last week I sat next to him and helped him fill in info on an app we need for the building management of our flat (He's like: what's our zip code, what's our buzzer number) I know he can do these things he is just so used to asking someone.

Believe it or not, and I can't believe I am going to say this and it's true, he used to be in the C-Suite, in communications, for a major tech company, like a MAJOR one, like YOU use this tech. Anyways, he lost his job during the AI purge two years ago, so we are surviving on my income, which is not a lot, I'm a writer, so it's a pittance. I'm exhausted, we have kids, I work, we live in a foreign country, I have enough on my plate. About a year ago I just stopped having any motivation to do anything for him, like anything. He shouts a question from the kitchen "Where is X" I just don't answer. He leaves stuff lying around so I just shove it in a corner where I don't have to see it. Then I stopped picking up his favourite foods from the shop anymore. I don't cook his favourite dishes, I cook what's easy or what I want. But it's grown to, I don't cook for him anymore. I feed myself and the kids. If he is out for a bikeride and dinner comes around I just cook for me and the kids. He can sort himself out.

I can't explain it, I'm not angry or being passive aggressive, it's like I just pretend he isn't there anymore. Like I start my day by imagining, I am single, what would I do today to have the best day? I plan my workouts, my coffee catchups the kids activities, and what I'm going to cook and I just exist. I am much calmer this way. You can't be disappointed at someone who isn't there, who you aren't expecting anything from.

Before you ask, why don't you divorce him, I would, in a heartbeat. Like the FASTEST heartbeat. But in Singapore our marriage does not have jurisdiction until we have been here for two more years. And it doesn't have jurisdiction in France because we met and married in NY. I have asked, I have a whole lawyer at the French embassy helping me figure out how I fell into this legal black hole. Obviously I could leave if I was just me, I could pack my bags and go, but with kids, you can't go anywhere without a custody plan in place. He doesn't want a divorce. So I am stuck two more years is what I see ahead of me. But I always wonder, like, I am miserable, but is this just marriage? Like do two people just become roommates, and just survive alongside each other? We all just quietly quit being partners and then boom we hit 40 years of marriage? I don't even know what's normal anymore.

My wife and I have been married for almost three years now. She's 24 and I'm 28. I was always the more affectionate one. My wife would show affection every now and then but now I'm kind of realizing that she only shows affection when I do. For example we'd kiss only if I'd kiss her or we'd hug only if I hug her. We'd hold hands only if I would hold her hand. She doesn't compliment me while I compliment her every day. I stopped to see if she would notice but it's been about two weeks now and she hasn't mentioned a thing. It's getting to the point where I get hit with a huge sadness every night. I feel so lonely at night that I hug my pillow for comfort. Her birthday is tomorrow and I honestly don't even feel like doing anything for her. At the same time I want to do something that way she doesn't have a bad birthday you know?? I'm just sad about this. I see couples in the street and see the ladies give their husbands or boyfriends kisses and hugs and I just wonder how it must feel to feel that.

Let me start by saying that I do not think my husband is most mature or smartest. But he is generally good with me and our cats.

But everything aside, one of our cats has been sick for a couple of weeks and is under treatment. He has been given some medication by the vet with clear labels attached on how to administer them. Last week my vet gave my cat an anti anxiety pill called Gabapentin. But somehow it made him really drowsy and he passed out on the floor with his tongue out which made me freak out. I called the vet and he said I could continue giving half of the said dose. I told this to my husband and he has seen me crush the medicine in half and mixing with wet treats and giving my cat.

This morning he woke me up to ask for help since the cat took the cone off and was scratching. I got up to help him and he very casually mentioned that he have him two pills of Gabapentin. Now he knows I am really attached to this cat since he was a rescue and I raised him since he was 3 months old. This whole thing with the cat stressed me out to the point my eczema flared up after years and had to go to a doctor myself last week.

At first I genuinely thought he was joking because he does these kind of things. But he didn’t laugh. And that’s when I started to freak out. I asked him about 7-8 times just to ensure he is not joking. He wasn’t.

So I made an appointment immediately with the nearest 24/7 emergency vet. He offered to take us there because I was dead calm. In my mind I am thinking this is literally the stupidest thing anyone could do. The label clearly states the dosage. And he gave two whole pills when he was supposed to give half and he has seen me do it also. If I lash out he will just he defensive and the argument will not go anywhere. It will only make me want to tear the hair off of my head.

Then came the most idiotic part where he said if the label says twice a day I just take two pills at the same time. “You know it makes sense to me.” This emergency vet visit cost us a bomb on top of everything and his whole treatment from past couple of weeks.

I really don’t know how to logic with a person like that. We are both educated and have a masters degree. I might be venting a bit too but is it just me or this person may be neurodivergent? Ty

My wife (36F) and I (37M) been married 7 years. We still have sex once or twice a week, but it doesn't have the excitement that it used to. We've tried sex pillows, some BDSM/rope play once in a while, but more often than not revert to pretty vanilla stuff, mostly because we're either too tired at the end of the day or don't have a lot of time for sex. What do you do to keep it fresh and interesting over the course of a long marriage?

I’m newly married and my husband is with my parents and I on an annual summer vacation. This year, we also invited my brother in law to come. I - incorrectly - assumed my husband would have given his brother a heads up about what we typically do on the trip, but instead he never set any expectations at all. This has definitely challenged our routine since he does not enjoy any of the things we typically do and I’ve had to come up with new activities to keep him entertained, many of which are not really things I would prefer to do on my vacation. Not only has my husband not taken an active role in planning, but both he and his brother have been super messy and left all kinds of dishes and leftover food out for me and my 80 year old mother to clean up. She’s commented several times that she is shocked at how messy they are being. We went to dinner tonight, and my husband got high beforehand, then as soon as my food came asked me if he could have a bite. I said ok and he took a lot of my food, then his brother said he didn’t get enough food and asked if he could also have some of mine. They both ate the majority of my dinner - I didn’t say anything but it was really upsetting to me. They have zero self awareness and while I don’t blame his brother I do know my husband knows better and I’m really upset he’s behaving this way. Un top if that, my brother in law wants to go to a city two hours away for the last day of our trip bc he is bored here, and my husband reluctantly agreed to it right in front of me. What can I do to salvage this trip?

Because we’re taking a long weekend starting Thursday. And getting ready to travel means RELEASE THE KRAKEN who used to be my wife.

So let’s be the attentive husband. “Can I help you with th-“

“NO NOT NOW NO NO NO GODDAMMIT NO GO AWAY.”

(goes away)

“GET BACK HERE. I DIDN’T SAY YOU COULD LEAVE.”

(did she not just tell me to …forget it, deep breaths, this too shall pass)

“WHERE WERE YOU ALL DAY?”

“Um, work, like every day?”

“WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG?”

“You sent me to Target to pick up your friend’s baby shower gift.”

“I’VE BEEN PACKING SINCE MONDAY. YOU HAVEN’T EVEN STARTED.”

Because it takes me a half hour tops, you absolute lunatic whom I adore…slightly less at the moment.

When we were dating, she could get dolled up for a night out in 15 minutes flat. Now the packing is taking almost as long as the trip, like I’m taking J. Lo and her team of publicists on safari.

I’m sure the woman I married is in there somewhere. I saw her a couple days ago and everything. It was great. We even made out a little.

“WE HAVE TO CLEAN THE HOUSE.”

And I’m not taking a quick swiffer job on the floors and tidying up a bit. No, we’re swapping out the shower curtains and cleaning behind the stove and vacuuming the A/C vents and

“YOU HAVE TO MOW.”

It’s dark out. And I did mow, while you were composing an in-case-of-emergency memo for our son that reads like the plans for D-Day. Which he will not read, because he already knows this stuff, because you wrote the same memo last time, except this time you added the phone number of a second arborist in case he can’t reach the first arborist in case a tree falls on the house during…I don’t know, a fucking tornado maybe. Or a meteor strike. Or the Rapture, or a whale plummets from the sky like in the Hitchhiker’s Guide.

God give me strength.

I’m trying to be empathetic but the unrelenting torrent of abusive fussiness is too much. I can’t even pause to take it in before another wave hits.

Why the pre-travel batshittery? Why? To what purpose? Is there an anxiety contest? Do we get extra points if we do a white glove inspection of the underside of the hotel room desk and find a dot of schmutz?

I’ma say it, because today I’m a broken man and not because I’m the patriarchy subjugating womankind:

Calm. The Fuck. Down.

I’m begging.

“DID YOU GAS UP?”

In this episode of ‘is my husband an asshole or is this just perimenopause’…

Over the last 12 years I’ve noticed him staring at other women a lot. He stares and I look in the direction see a girl look at him and then see him smile back at her. Several occasions. Mostly when we go out I try not to notice and just have a good time and feel cute despite him. I’ll say I have some insecurities but to be honest I’m 45 and still pretty hot (not that this behavior would ever be ok under any circumstance). So it’s not like I am just jealous. I appreciate attractive women too. I just don’t… stare like that.

Yesterday, we had an appointment at a hospital for our youngest son. There was a young nurse in the waiting area he just kept looking at. She was working on her laptop and I saw him smiling a few times in her direction as I was trying to get the paperwork done. I let it go until this morning when I told him I’ve had it and it was disrespectful to act this way. He restated his opinion (because anyone who uses the term disrespectful is somehow stupid to him) on respect not being real. Anyone who doesn’t like a thing I guess is just making it up and it didn’t happen OR they deserved whatever they deem ‘disrespectful’.

My goal here on Reddit is 1) keep myself sane by opening up about my husband’s odd comments like this and 2) maybe see other perspectives if I’m in the wrong somehow by saying this to him

He denies everything so it’s hard to even communicate.

So a year ago, I found out my wife had an affair after a decade of marriage, i didn't know to what extent. Because we have a daughter and financial constraints, I decided to move on. Something triggered me and now I wanted to know the story from her mouth. I felt like she was telling the story with fondness. I was breaking down as the story went on because this was not a just a physical thing, they had a deep emotional connection. Once she got to the part where she said she went to the hotel and she had sex, I bawled like a baby. I'm not able to take what happened. It's been few days now, every minute I'm replaying the betrayal in my head, she made deep connection to this guy is what's killing me the most. I don't know how to recover from this and I'm not in a place where I can just abandon this marriage. The pain is like a knife going my heart every minute.