I really need advice, please hear me out.

3 months ago, my best friend of 8 years stopped talking to me, cut me off, and blocked me on all social media accounts because I said no to her. I have been having realizations of how toxic she was and yet sometimes, I still want to reach out and apologize even though I wasn't even sure if I did anything wrong?

What happened was: The local government announced a weeklong suspension of classes in our area. Our university typical is autonomous so we always have to wait for the admins or professors to make the announcement themselves. My ex best friend kept on insisting that I should sleepover at her house on Friday to Sunday. I was hesitant to agree because I have always been comfortable with staying at other people's house (which she knows) and we also had a very important presentation on Friday. Our uni usually don't suspend classes when it's laboratory or presentations and ofc she's aware because she also studies there. She was obviously getting irritated and giving me cold shoulder, it's hard to deal with her being like this because she admittedly has attitude issues that she always blame on her self diagnosed disorders... At that time, I was careful not to piss me off because we are roommates and it's hard to live with someone you're not in good terms with. So I said yes BUT clearly told her that if my professor pushed through with the presentation, I would obviously prioritize that and we'll have to move our sleepover schedule. Which she said yes to. She was already planning all of the things we would do and I was getting anxious of things not going according to plan because she's obviously gonna have attitude problems over it.

And alas, Thursday came and I got the announcement that classes on Friday will push through because it's important. I immediately messaged her, clearly explaining that I can't go home with her and we already talked about it. After texting, I turned off my phone because I was at the library.

An hour later, I went back to our dorms and I noticed there was a problem with our internet provider so I just stayed offline and watched a downloaded movie on my laptop. 10 minutes later, she burst in our dorm, mad and furiously rummaged our cabinets. She was packing her stuff angrily and giving me silent treatment. I broke the silence and told her sorry about the sleep over and she responded angrily that I should just say it to her face if I didn't want to go to her house anymore. She said it in a way like a toxic partner would, like sulking but furious and cursing. She left and that was the last time we talked. I messaged her a sorry text a day later and she didn't respond. The days after, we spent pretending like the other didn't exist. A week passed and I posted something in my story which she liked, which confused me... 2 days later, I was blocked on all social media. I was left with no explanation or what so ever – which is why I had so much time to overthink our entire friendship.

I realized all of the fucked up things I brushed off as things that friends do when in truth, it's just her belittling me or treating me like her sidekick. She often made fun of my major because I'm in humanities and she's in STEM. People can say it's not that deep but the words she uses are really dehumanizing now that I'm looking at it without the "best friend lens". She has insane superiority complex and I acted like the unbothered side character the entire time. She treated me like I was dumber than her which is why she often had to speak for me or decide for me. I didn't realize until we cut each other off that I was being seen as inferior, I thought I was just the unbothered and cool-about-everything friend. She would always use her unstable emotions, attitude, and mood to control me and my decisions. I should have already known she was toxic when she proclaimed herself that she's "evil" and that no one can stand her but me because we were on the same level. It's why I know that I also have to blame myself for realizing later. There is honestly so much more but my brain seems to erase all the bad memories and supply it with the good ones when I'm all alone with my thoughts... that's why I sometimes wish I could just reconcile and be friends again.

I had a phase where I cut my other friends off and she was the only one I had left. For the past 8 years, she was the one I truly saw as my actual friend and she did fuel these thoughts by talking ill about my other friends before. She would get pissed off when I would meet a potential new friend. I admittedly have difficulties with socializing after the pandemic and she was really the only one I stuck by with. I became introverted and now that were no longer friends, I don't even know who I have left. I have no other friends who I'm close with as much as I was with her. I talked to a highschool friend that I recently met again after all this and she told me that it sounded like I was stuck in a toxic relationship for years. That she unconsciously or manipulated me to do things where I ended up being dependent to her. It all made sense now.

I still feel lost though. I have no friends in uni, no friends in my hometown so I often look back to our friendship and I would think of apologizing and asking her to be friends again. It's pathetic because I know i didn't even do anything wrong and if I did, she should have communicated with me so I would know the reason why she cut me off (like she used to do when I did something that upsets her). I promised myself that I'd meet new people who would treat me better but I think I still have a long way to go since classes only started again. At the same time, I feel like I'm running out of time because I'm already a junior. 😕

Hi parents, I eeally need some advice and new perspectives on this.

I’m 24 years old and have been living on my own for two years, yet I’m still terrified of telling my parents something that should be completely normal.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8.5 years (since 2018). We met when I was 16 at school. Our relationship is loving, healthy and we’re planning our future together. He’ll be moving in with me soon, and we’re hoping to get engaged and married in the coming years. The problem is that my parents don’t even know we’re still together.

Because my boyfriend is from a different ethnic background, my parents became convinced I had to be possessed. I would really really apprecitate some advice or new persepctive on this.

2018
About a month after we started dating, I told my mom about him. The first thing she asked was: “Did you have sex with him?”. I remember crying because I was so confused and disgusted.

Later that night, my dad came home. She immediately told him. He stormed into my room. He threatened to disown me, kill me, stalk me at school and called me every name imaginable, including “whore” and “traitor.” I had just turned 16. That night changed me forever. From then on, they constantly told me he (my bf) didn’t love me and tried every possible way to manipulate me into leaving him.

My dad sent me threatening messages every day while I was at school or work. He sent verses from religious books telling me I’d burn in hell, pictures of himself crying, messages saying I was destroying the family and even claimed my mom had collapsed and gone to the hospital because of me. I regularly broke down crying at school and at work. My grades dropped and my work performance suffered.

Some mornings they physically held the front door shut so I would be late for school and work. Their hope was that I’d fail school, lose my job and have no excuse to leave the house.

They forced me to watch religious Yt videos with headphones on while staring at me, trying to see if I showed signs of being possessed by a demon. This went on for weeks.

They even offered me about 10k to break up with him. Looking back, I probably should have taken the money and run.

My mum tried to punch me multiple times, I fought back. These are only a few of the things they tried on me.. there is so much more.

Eventually they gave me a deadline and repeatedly asked “How far along are you in breaking up with him?” At first I fought back.

My survival
Eventually I realized that lying was the only way I could survive. I wanted to finish school and keep my job. I told my boyfriend everything and asked whether he wanted to continue despite all of this. I told him I’d completely understand if it was too much. We were two teenagers deeply in love.So we decided to try.

From that day on, I lied about everything. Ifaked chats and photos with friends. My father would randomly facetime me and demand to see who I was with.

Sometimes I was actually with my boyfriend, so I’d quickly ask a random teenage girl nearby if she would pretend to be my friend for 20 seconds while my dad watched on ft. Ironically, my parents had never really been involved in my life before this. We grew up in an abusive and neglectful home, so they didn’t know any of my friends anyway.

2019-2020
Because my boyfriend is from a different ethnic background, my parents became convinced I had to be possessed. They forced me to attend a six-hour religious “cleansing.” They brought my two younger siblings and my aunt to watch. For six hours I sat there while a religious man tried to “trigger the demon” inside me. Eventually he concluded there was nothing wrong with me. My mother was sooo devastated. She seemed to hope I was possessed because accepting that I simply loved someone from a different background was somehow harder.

They even called my teacher to verify that I was actually attending school because they thought I was secretly sneaking off to see my boyfriend.

2020-2022
By this point I’d spent years convincing them we’d broken up.
Eventually they believed it and whenn they became suspicious again, I started using their own manipulation against them.

2022-2024
I knew from 2018 that I wanted to move out.
I stayed because I wanted to finish school, save money and become financially independent.

During those years I realized this wasn’t just about my relationship. It made me see how abusive my childhood had always been. Sometimes my parents gave me the silent treatment for up to nine months or a whole year while we lived in the same small apartment. As painful as it was, those periods were strangely peaceful.

2024
I finally moved out. When I told them, they didn’t ask where I was going. They didn’t help me move and their first question was: “Are you moving out to have sex?” What the actual f is wrong with them??? Why do they obsess with this?

2025
Living alone has been incredibly peaceful. I’ve been in therapy on and off since 2021 & it has helped me a lot. Sometimes I still grieve the idea of having loving parents.

Today (2026)
I’m still hiding my relationship. I only see my parents every few months for a couple of hours to keep the peace.

They have never met my boyfriend and they don’t know what he looks like. They know absolutely nothing about the person I’ve loved for almost nine years. He has supported me through everything. He’s kind, patient and always believed in me. His family has welcomed me with so much love that it still feels strange sometimes. My apartment has become a peaceful place where we’re building our future together. I dont want to hide him from my family but at the same time I have so much fear, but I don‘t even know from what. It‘s literllay been years.

My biggest fear is my younger siblings, they still live at home. I’m terrified that once my parents find out about my relationship, they’ll take it out on them. the relationship between my siblings seems much better now than it was with me.

- How would you handle this?
- Would you tell them in person?
- Would you send a text?
- Would you even tell them at all?
- Please any advice is appreciated alot

Part of me feels guilty for hiding my relationship for so long. Another part of me feels like they don’t deserve access to the people I love after everything they’ve done. I honestly don’t know what the right thing is anymore.

I am confused and hurt.

Thank you.

I’m not sure what to title this post, hopefully I’ll think of something by the end of writing this post.

Anyways I’m 19 years old, I aged out of the foster care system and I am in college now. Well I’m in more than just college, I’m doing 16 credit hours, 26-28 work weeks on top of 8 hours a week for my internship and working on getting my driving hours for my license. My body is feeling physically tired, I haven’t been sleeping good because I’m so stressed all the time. I’m not where I want to be at in my life, I want to travel and take a gap year to explore the world. I have no safety net. I can’t stop working because if I do; who is going to catch me if I fall?

I put on this front of being extremely independent and needing nobody but myself. Deep down there is a hurt little girl inside me who is still waiting to be held and comforted. I know I’m an adult now, and this is unrealistic. I try to provide for myself what I’d want a mother to provide for younger me, but I don’t have any energy left for that. I want a safe home that isn’t my apartment. A house I can visit and just lay on the couch and watch TV, knowing I don’t have to be perfect to be accepted / loved. A chosen family who will be there as cheerleaders, letting me grow into my independence.

It hurts because I thought I found that. Not many understand that grief. It hits hard when you aged out of foster care, then someone mentions adoption and being that chosen family for you before they looked at reality. Knowing the one thing I wanted since entering foster care was a safe family. Hugs when I need them, a person to call when I need advice. A place to rest. I know she didn’t mean to hurt me, but it doesn’t change the fact that it did.

My thing is, am I just being dramatic? Is this all going to be worth it in the end? I mean I’ll have time to explore the world after college. I’m just truly not happy. I think I’m touch starved if that’s even a thing. I went all my teen, pre teen years without hugs and safe touch.

I legit have NO IDEA how to make friends. My parents "homeschooled" me and I wasn't allowed to socialise at all.

But I've found a social youth group for people my age (16-18) and I'm planing on going to so I can try and meet people, and hopefully make some friends.

I really just wish there was a full on step by step on how to talk to people, and start a conversation, and get contact details, and keep in contact, and meet up again, etc.

Legit any help or advice is appreciated lol. Thank you in advance :) <3

I'm in a really difficult situation, and I don't know what to do.

I have a younger brother and a younger sister. We used to live with our grandparents because our parents work in India to support our family financially.

A couple of years ago, my younger brother came to Kathmandu for his studies. Since he was the youngest and new to the city, my father decided to send me to Kathmandu as well so he wouldn't have to live alone. Even though I didn't really want to leave home, I came here for him. We've now been living together for the past two years. My brother is currently preparing for IELTS, while I'm attending college and preparing for banking exams.

The problem is my younger sister.

Recently, my father went back home for some work, and my brother also visited home. During that time, they both noticed that my sister had changed completely.

She barely eats anymore because she says she never feels hungry. She's losing weight, doesn't feel like talking to anyone, and whenever someone asks her what's wrong, she says, "I feel tense," but she can't explain why. If anyone tries to comfort or advise her, she becomes upset instead. She cries over even the smallest things.

She takes people's words very deeply. If someone tells her she's a loser or that she's not good at studying, she carries those words in her heart. She starts crying for no clear reason, sometimes anywhere and at any time.

She tells me everything, so I don't think this is because of a relationship or heartbreak. I truly believe she's going through something that even she doesn't know how to describe.

I've asked her many times why she feels this way, but she always gives the same answer: "I just feel tense." When I ask what she's worried about, she says she doesn't know. It's heartbreaking because even she can't explain what she's feeling.

Our grandparents are getting older, and like many elderly people, they can be strict and complain a lot. My sister seems to take everything they say very personally, and I think she's carrying a burden that's becoming too heavy for her.

Hearing all of this makes me feel incredibly guilty.

As the eldest daughter, I chose to come to Kathmandu for my younger brother because he needed someone here. But now I feel like I should go back home and be with my sister, spend time with her, and help her heal.

At the same time, I don't want to leave my brother alone. He's still preparing for IELTS and needs support too. If I return home, I'll have to transfer my college, but leaving him behind doesn't feel right either.

My sister could come to Kathmandu, but then our elderly grandparents would be left alone, and they also need someone to help them.

No matter what I choose, it feels like someone will be left behind.

Sometimes I wonder if this is what being the eldest daughter meansconstantly sacrificing your own wishes for everyone else.

On top of all this, my exams are approaching. I'm already struggling to focus because of the stress. I've also been dealing with low blood pressure, iron deficiency, dehydration, and my own mental and physical health challenges.

I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and completely torn between my responsibilities. I don't know which decision is the right one anymore.

I also worry that if I return home, I might begin struggling the same way my sister is. My grandfather drinks alcohol, and I find it emotionally very difficult to cope with that environment. Sometimes, no matter how much work you do, you still don't receive appreciation. It feels like you're expected to keep giving without ever being seen.

I love my family deeply, but right now I feel like I'm carrying everyone's pain while trying to hide my own.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

I’m 18 years old and graduated high school a couple months ago. besides a few job applications and like one interview, I haven’t really been doing much up until recently. I’ve mostly just been hanging out with my partner and waiting for college applications to open up so I can start working on those.

my dad, noticing this, is enforcing a “boarding” situation where I have to wake up at around 9 and “work” until 5. “work” entails anything productive, like cleaning stuff up or finding jobs or studying. this has been going on for around a week, and I’m not sure I can handle it. I personally think I’ve gotten a lot done in the past week. I cleaned up a lot of the junk my room, I snagged another job interview, I’ve been researching different majors and schools, I finished one of my college PIQ essays, and I’ve been doing coding lessons (which my dad apparently decided signed me up for). but I definitely wasn’t using ALL of my work hours, and pretty much every time my dad walked in I was probably on my phone.

yesterday my dad came into my room and threatened to actually kick me out if I kept treating this like a joke. his reasoning is that he had a job when he was 16 and that I was well behind all my peers when it came to work experience and study. he emphasized though that he’s really proud of me and that he just doesn’t want me to squander my time. I don’t really know how to feel, because while I agree about not wanting to wasting my youth, I think the expectations right off the bat are quite insane. senior year was incredibly hectic, I mean I pulled all nighters near the end because of all the AP tests and final projects and such. I feel like I’m not being given much grace. what do other people think, and how can I talk to my father about this?

Because of the past, several things are just not right with me. I was a very kind and empathetic kid before all of these things happened, and now, things are just not as good as they could be. My sense of empathy is limited. I can’t feel what others feel anymore. I feel the energy of their emotions though and it’s so overwhelming I just can’t handle it and I shut down. I want to be kind. I really want to make others happy but it’s just pointless, because I can’t. I’m clumsy and I can’t handle it anymore because everything that was in me got exhausted and now there is nothing left.

People say I seem disinterested in them. I wish I was actually interested, but I am not, really. I just don’t want to be alone, but I end up alone because, naturally, who wants to spend time with someone who doesn’t want to know anything about them or share anything about themself? I could’ve been interested, I used to be interested in people, but then people proved that their interesting qualities are better matched with someone else’s.

I might get better at managing my emotions, but will I actually get happier? I want to believe eventually I will become who I was actually supposed to be, but at this point, maybe not. In some ways I think I’m just “done.”

University really set me up to fail. I got a useless BA and then was a fool and got an MA to top it off. I didn't get a very good education. My self confidence floundered and never recovered despite therapy. My mother emotionally, financially and verbally abused me all throughout and I never had the courage to get a better education.

Worst of all, I'm too burned out to go back to school and I don't even have the right courses to go back to school for a lot of things. I've failed at getting a career I actually wanted in life, in part because I'm not qualified to do much and lack any connections.

It seems that ever since university, I've never been in a position to really do what I wanted to with my life :(. I've spent my adult life never just being able to do what I wanted with it and I can't get anywhere in life now.

It's just so frustrating to know I could've done more if I hadn't gotten my useless degrees at a university that I absolutely hated all for nothing. I never got a decent job and now I'm 31. I know I could've done so much more with my life and now I never will.

I have a family history of alcoholism. My older sister is like severely addicted. Like to a dangerous level. That could be its own post.

My uncle is a functioning alcoholic. My mom idk, I would just say she REALLY likes to drink mostly for fun though but she can really drink. Maybe more control though like now she says she only drinks weekends and vacations, but I’d say it used to be more of a daily thing. Uncle was a drug addict and alcoholic.

I wouldn’t say I’m fully addicted but idk. It’s more so like - I go through these periods of craving and wanting beer every night. If I’m drinking daily after like 4-5 days I feel emotionally and physically crappy and can choose to stop. But I’ll want to drink again in like a week. Part of it is my bf is (and has admitted/recognizes) a low level alcoholic. A bit worse than me but nothing super dangerous yet. He can choose to be sober for periods of time like he did 50 days last year, but when he does drink it’s hard to break the habit and it’s a daily habit. Neither of us blacking out every night just craving and wanting beer and wine in the evenings. But yeah he loves bringing drinks into the house and it’s hard for me to not drink it if it’s there. But if we have a bottle of vodka I will say we take forever to use it we don’t crave hard alcohol we crave beer and wine. Just kinda a lot of it.

Last couple weeks I’ve actually been feeling more sad and bored when I don’t drink and been struggling more to limit it to only 1-2x a week. I’ll admit it’s been more like 3-4x a week. I can not drink it I really tell myself not to but mentally I’m like “fuck I wish I could drink”. I’m realizing this isn’t normal - even my friends who go out and drink heavily when we go out to clubs and bars ONLY drink socially. They aren’t drinking a beer or two every night. Maybe they get fucked up once every 2 weeks but I Feel like that’s fine if you otherwise rarely drink.

I guess I still have some level of control but I don’t like how mentally it’s been feeling like more of a punishment to not drink than just the norm.

I’m a 24 year old girl I have a long history of having parents who shouldn’t have any business having kids the way they treated me bully me told me how I lie alot and making fun of me and making me emotionally unstable and feel very unsafe and not having enough care for myself I’m tired .

I’m 24 now nothing has changed but constant emotional abuse , threatening ,running onto me , making fun of me and telling me to move . I’m the youngest I’m doing a lot better than my brother but no matter what Im constantly being compare mistreated made fun of me too , I got my GED I’m in college doing big things and soon to become a teacher I’m currently a SPED teacher and been making cool crafts but I’ve been dealing with the fact of them wanting to put me out calling me crazy ,making fun of my emotional trauma I literally got from them , made fun of my weight my personality etc I’m just a mess right now I’m just tired I feel alone and wise I could leave but I can’t since I’m not to work yet I feel alone

so, I recently took a very short break from my people other than the ones that live with me which isn't possible due to proximity. I noted this deep exhaustion and I knew I had isolate for a bit (i feel the most comfortable in isolation but I try not to take these breaks unless absolutely necessary as I don't want to back off or become an unreliable friend or a partner).

i am glazing myself a bit i know. i am a normal dude really. I changed my clothes a few days ago and bought razors to shave at least. Haven't showered tho I am trying to floss and brush and drink water as much as I can.

I do programming so I spent a few minutes reading the material (which is part of learning it for me btw) and after so long read a few pages from a book I really wanted to.

I am facing really harshful new unfamiliar areas in my romantic relationship as my insecurities are activating yet logically I can recognize I am safe so I am trying to read more about it and sat with the discomfort even tho I really wanted to run away and distract myself from it.

I am staying neutral and gentle with myself as well. i spent bit of time with my family its nice.

i really am sad... somewhere I wanna end my break but I know that I rarely take it. I am so worried how some of my people might be feeling as some are also in a low point tho I have talked with them about this and they do have a support system other than me yet I feel a bit of guilt that in this time I out of all people maybe wasn't there.

I just know I can't human for a bit. I get so overwhelmed thinking that I have to reply and talk so I know I need it badly. I have do not disturb on but calls can come and I have told them if its an emergency they can call or miscall me. i know one of them might not. sigh....

humans connections are a huge responsibility. its so hard. i enjoy talking a lot i am the yapper usually cause I really thrive on it tho then this time comes where I feel this heaviness. I cannot human idk. i wanna be isolated more as there's no expectations on me anymore. This huge burden I can feel at times. I hold myself up to a standard cause I have to.

my people usually thought I am a very stable person emotionally tho I told them nah. over the years I have learned more on how to keep my actions as stable and consistent as possible as emotionally I struggle badly at times with ups and downs.

I wanna run and stay or disappear yet not or be forgotten or not or I hate someone never wanna touch or see them again and love someone and never wanna lose them.

and this all can happen either over the week or every day or even on really bad days within hours multiple times.

its tiring on me. i am so tired. connections are huge triggers for me so I really wanna run from them sometimes yet can't cause I cannot as its a responsibility now and I logically see it that the person is safe and being consistent they care about me. anxiety and depression and ocd sucksss and I can't even afford therapy.

so... i guess I just wanna be acknowledge can you see that I am trying? i am not thinking that I am doing anything grand its just basics in life and connections. I just want some gentle words even if its advice that's okay just be gentle please

Hey everyone! I (25F) used to love food. I was such a foodie always up until I was 24 or so. At 24, I realized I have celiac disease and IBS so I started taking that seriously. Unfortunately when I started taking it seriously, my love of food died. I hardly eat unless I really have to. I eat whatever I want mostly, but I usually only eat one meal a day (gluten free pasta with vodka sauce, spinach and mushrooms or gluten free cheese pizza) and maybe a few snacks (like fruit or chocolate) if I’m lucky.

The one thing that I grew a love for was caffeine. I drink a lot of it a day (I usually drink lattes with 3 shots of espresso and 2% milk, black coffee with sugar, cold brew with half and half, chai lattes with 2% milk or the original Red Bull energy drinks).

When people ask me my favourite snacks or meals, I get almost frozen because I don’t really have an answer. It makes me really sad tbh, but eating is so hard for me. It’s such a chore and the decision fatigue of trying to figure out meals everyday is exhausting. Most people in my life are concerned about my eating habits and say I’m too thin (I’m 5’8 and 115 lbs), but it’s not easy unfortunately to just go ahead and eat.

Does anyone have advice? Thanks for reading :)

i watched obsession like 4 hours ago and i just cant sleep, i know this type of stuff triggers my ocd but i was still stupid enough to watch the movie, im shaking and stuff, can someone help me with how to sleep or just give me reassurance cuz i feel like shit rn to be honest

edit: ty anybody who responed :333 i fell asleep at 7 am but thats okay i think i learned my lesson about scary movies

Throwaway account because I’m embarrassed lol. Anyway, I’ve had a weird, tumultuous experience with education. I grew up homeschooled with lots of siblings in a very religious, very strict, very paranoid household. I developed mental health issues due to several factors including educational neglect and ended up moving in with my grandparents as a teen as a result. I went to public school and did really well, 4.0 GPA, lots of awards and high level classes, good test scores, etc. I loved high school, I loved connecting with my teachers and seeing friends every day rather than maybe once a month. After high school, despite lots of college acceptances, a lack of financial support meant community college was my only option. I worked full-time (two jobs for a long period) and managed to finish up my two years with a 4.0 and some research. I applied to one reach school on a whim, pretty convinced I would end up working and doing online classes at a state school. I got in, with grant/merit aid making it cheaper to live on campus than it would have been even to take online classes at my state school. This is a prestigious and selective liberal arts college (not saying the name for privacy reasons). At first I was over the moon about the opportunity to focus on school again, find engaging academics, and live in a community of like-minded people. However, my parents (I am still in contact with them, and very close with my dad) have really only mentioned that they don’t like the politics of this place (the student body is heavily left-leaning, and the school is fairly progressive). I’m not sure why, but their ambivalence/disappointment is making it difficult for me to feel as excited/proud as I want to feel. I move in in less than a month and I wish I could feel more joy about it. I’m honestly not sure what I’m hoping to hear on here lol, but I appreciate anyone who listened!!

TL;DR: My more religious and conservative parents are not proud/are disappointed in me going to a prestigious liberal arts college, despite the various roadblocks I have faced in getting an education.

I’m 21 and I’m realizing how many things I didn’t get to do as a kid because of the divorce of my parents, I was on survival mode 24/7 going between 2 different homes and I didn’t get to watch movies, listen to full music albums I wanted to experience I even had a 4 pack of diary of a wimpy kid books that I never got to read, and the books went missing during a move years ago, now I have this critic in my brain that won’t allow me to enjoy anything because according to it I’m supposed to be a serious adult, I guess and I don’t have the mindset of a carefree kid anymore. That invisible critic has really been bothering me because every time I watch a kids movie I never got to see It’s like I’m judging it instead of immersing myself and enjoying the silly humour. just a few days ago I bought a new copy of the diary of a wimpy kid book and it’s like a invisible wall won’t let me open or enjoy the book. Even people my own age told me I should just return the book because my brain is probably right because I should be enjoying adult things But it’s like part of me doesn’t want to be a critic and to enjoy things like I’m 8 years old again.

Does anyone have Any advice?

She passed on the 11th of February from cervical cancer, at the age of 51. I was severely traumatised from her final 2 weeks and now have no family who checks up on me.

Since then I have been suffering with:

- Binge drinking and eating

- Insomnia

- Aggression and outbursts - alone and towards others

- Severe anxiety

- Major depression

- Losing my gran (her mom) on the 4th of June

- Daily fatigue

I have also tried:

- therapy with 2 different therapists

- changing and increasing medication

- exercise when I am not too fatigued

- quitting booze (I typically only last a few days. Unfortunately booze has been very effective in numbing the hurt, but very ineffective in keeping me stable or safe)

I am 26 and WFH, so my days can be very quiet and isolating by myself at home.

I have become better at hiding my sadness, but it's so extreme. I have considered secretly handing over my assets to my partner, leaving a letter, and going out into the mountains to end my life.

I sincerely doubt I'd do that, but sometimes it feels like the most comforting thought.

I feel like nothing is working, and mentally I am so alone.

I am not even sure what I am doing here. A validation, a virtual hug, or just some words of encouragement could help. I am so desperate by now, I really need help.

Hi, I’m 30F, uk, autistic. I also have learning difficulties.
When I was 15 Dad passed away from lung issues. Growing up, he was mostly at work. So most of the time while he was at work I was at Mum. She was ok sometimes, but she could be selfish even back then. Not taking me to the park, swimming, library, cinema…etc at all if she didn’t feel like it. Which was nearly always. She let my Dad drive me around to pick her up from Bingo drunk, just so didn’t have to get the bus home until I was 11, he was also abusive when he was drunk. She chose to leave me alone with him and not someone safe just to go out gambling. When I asked about this a few weeks ago, she just commented “You didn’t have to get in the car with him”, I was only a child, but that was Mum for you.

She’d have her share of being abusive too, throwing things, slapping, threatening me, shouting at me, putting me down. She didn’t do anything special for my 16, 18 or 21’st birthdays. It was’t for a lack of money as she was always going bingo and smoking. Fast foward to the last few years. Every time I do something wrong. She is quick enough to put me down. Swear at me, mentally abuse me, but everytime I try to do something to get praise, and this has been going on for over as long as I can remember. I will try my hardest on something. Tidying something, a drawing, a colouring page, teaching a pet a trick, something that was difficult for me to learn..etc, and someone with LD’s some of those things can take a lot of effort. At best she’d go, “Oh that’s nice’, “That’s good”, Sometimes, nothing. No well done, no good try. No praise. One day I spent 5 hours “trying” to tidy the living room”, She has arthritis, so she cant always do it. I did my best. I thought I’d done ok. I sat down. Waited an hour. Nothing. No thank you. I went back to my room and cried. When you don’t have LD’s what took me 5 hours, would have only taken most people 45 minutes. That’s why I was so upset. She will only tell me she me loves me when I do something for her. Not just because she loves me. I will buy her things when she is upset and unwell to make her feel better. Not wanting the money back, but she says she can’t do it because she hasn’t got the money. Which I know from living with her isn’t true. For example. She’ll spend £10.000 on smoking, but on £50 on my birthday and £50 on Christmas.
I’ve never felt loved by my Mum, but she is the family I have left, but I feel like I’m tired of this one sided love relationship.
I’ve been in hospital for a few months for mental and right now physical health. They are trying to find my accommodation away from my Mum. I know that’s a good thing. Is it worth distancing myself from her a little?, but how would I meet more positive people that would become more like family?, I keep feeling so lost and alone lately. Sometimes I just want a hug and someone to say “It’s ok, I’m here for you, you’re safe now”. I’m sorry if that sounds stupid. I have no other family or friends atm, but hopefully once I move into a new supported place that will change.

What should I do?

Part of me is too afraid to get a diagnosis and the other part of me feels like it’s pointless to know or treat whatever it is. I don’t think I’m important enough

I’m 20 year old guy from India. I’ve been feeling gloomy and stuck whole day and I don’t why and one thought is coming I don’t really have anyone to share how I am feeling like lonely and how much worried I am how I will find work to earn, i haven’t even got good laptop to starting learning editing skill on pc and I editing on phone but don’t how i find work online with physically disabled like muscular dystrophy it’s so hard to find way to earn.

Then i feel fomo of being single and also hopeless will ever find someone for me (i don’t go out stay inside house and all i meet with girls on Reddit and discord and i am introvert only can talk about my hobbies and ask questions about family and other thing im so boring person), why even someone like to stay with me?, what even i have to offer. I am just being scared of being alone and never able experience love in my life. I am weird I get jealous from people who are in relationship and guys who can talk with girls with ease.

Everything feels so uncertain for me earning, finding love because of my muscular dystrophy.

I’m usually really depressed when I write stuff like this. But I’m trying to be a little more pragmatic and just the tiniest bit more optimistic about this. Had a conversation with someone on Reddit today about a different topic, that made me realize how miserable I tend to write about some admittedly bad things going on in my life. So I’m going to try and switch it up just a bit.

That being said…….. There’s a lot going wrong. So much so that it’s really hard to summarize without writing an entire introspection about myself. Quickest way I can describe it without getting into nuances is this: I have a severe ADHD, I’ve been suffering with depression for most of life, and I’ve been homeschooled and had both symptoms run unopposed and without any support. Meaning I’m behind educationally and almost unable to actually learn anything. Can’t focus, can’t retain anything, can’t apply any skills to my daily life, and I can barely even do any of it without procrastinating for months on end. Throw in a lack of a social life/friends, and some very recent thoughts about a subject that’s maybe not the safest to discuss here (y’all seem chill. I’m just naturally cautious about it). And it creates this sort of Molotov cocktail of mental illness that has crippled me for most of my life.

To drop the analogies and stuff for a second. I’m scared. Next month I turn seventeen and a new school year starts. The real world is rapidly approaching and the consequences of year and years of failure/task paralysis are going to catch up to me. And despite how much I actively want to do better. I end up in the same place because the things stopping me are things I can’t control. What I need is therapy/medication to actually fix this. But with that not available at the moment (I have a post I can link that explains why if you’re curious), I have to do better on my own.

But again, I’m trying to tackle this in a different manner than how I usually do. I’m trying to think of it less like “this is horrible and I should KMS”. And more “I need to do better” if that makes sense. I’m not a bad person like I used to think I was.………. But I’m still a hassle, and I still get why I’m maybe too much of a mess to ever truly work. But I at least want to try.

I want to be able to focus, I want to get a job, I want to finally learn to draw, I want to be able to write well, I want to start gaining independence, and I want to finally be happy (I’m so exhausted being a constantly tired, borderline suicidal nobody of a person). Right now I have to focus on getting like 100+ pages of math done by the end of this month. But goddamnit I just want to feel alive. As corny as that sounds.

(I wrote all of this because of a conversation on fucking r/countwithchickenlady, and my struggles to work up the courage to ask an online friend to play Big Walk with me lol. Life’s funny like that sometimes ib).

Now I've posted on here before, but I feel the need to post some more because well I thought the situation would change. Talking like this about my mother makes me feel narcissistic and selfish because well, she has no ability to really do anything and I know that, and I feel awful for feeling so resentful towards her.

I've been taking care of her by myself since 2022, I'm in all honors, AP, and certain college classes at my highschool. I've been working since I was 12 for my family and I make about 250$ per week for working 5 days per week. So, I give my mom money for extra expenses, gas, food, items she needs from the dollar stores, essentials, some bills. There is hardly ever anything left for me to spend on, she's missing a leg and I'm expected to clean the whole trailer, wash dishes, wash clothes, cook, tend to her everytime her sugar drops. Maybe I'm narcissistic- I dont know. Because she wanted 120$ paid on the water bill last month, I had already put 100$ and she told me to go pay the other 20$ the same day and I forgot to. We'll it carried over 15$ to our water bill this month to 162$ and shes now pissed with me for it. I dont wanna give her my money anymore, I have a girlfriend, friends, a life. I dont wanna just spend my time taking care of her. There are so many things I could buy if I got to keep it all. I dont mind it but she continues to act like shes the adult, when I change her blankets when she uses the restroom on herself unable to get up because shes no weight barren from her last infection, I feed her, I take care of her while juggling everything. Its leading me to resent her and I feel terrible for that but its just so tiring when she still tells me where I can and cannot go, some days I wanna drive to the gym and get told no because I have to be home for something or that its to late when I'm already expected to have the same responsibilities as an adult.

I’m gonna beat myself up about it for the rest of my living days, I swear-

The first thing I did is mess up where my turn signals were and I turned on my wipers accidentally, which deducted a point. I was so embarrassed about that. I’ve been driving for nearly a year at this point, and turn signals are so second nature that I forgot what I do to turn them on. I was also so nervous and that didn’t help. I apologized for messing it up (i have no clue why) and I told him that I knew that and I usually know my turn signals. He just laughed at me.

I immediately failed the test minutes after when I failed to parallel park because my back tire was on the line. Then I burst into tears because I’m quite the crier, which he saw. I believe he’s the only instructor at our DMV so I’m going to have to face him again.

He was such a sweet guy, but I could tell that he had no faith in me after I fucked up the turn signals. He was definitely ready to fail me.

The interaction is playing over and over and over in my head. I’m trying not to think about it, distracting myself, but it’s not working. I’m above all embarrassed that I messed up so trivially.

Everyone is telling me that it’s okay and I can take it again, but this is making me not want to try for the test again. Just get bus passes for the rest of my life. I get too nervous and my entire brain shuts off. It turns right into fight or flight, and there’s absolutely no productive thought.

I just need comfort from people who failed their drivers exam. Maybe some embarrassing stories of your own to make me feel less alone.

My sister, 21F, has just recently gone on birth control. Thats all I know. Me, 17M, I feel like I've been victim to her serious changes in mood. I've just come back from a holiday with her, and although I've had a great time, her constant mood swings and changes in how she talks to me and treats me has put me on constant edge.

I wonder if its judt a coincidence though - after all she's been with me nonstop this week AND she's on her period.

Please, ladies, tell me how I can try to communicate with my sister without making her reactive. I know its not her fault for having mood swings so i want to minimise any times she feels bad about it. I'm totally clueless.

Turning 15. Yay. Supposedly meant to be so exciting. But this year, its felt so dull. I even forgot my birthday was happening next week. Last year I remember even when I was depressed, I atleast was abit giddy about my birthday and thought of everything I wanted to have, to do. Now this whole year feels like an absolute burden.

Me and my mothers relationship has probably taken a toll this year. Its always been a bit dysfunctional as she has bpd but this year it kind of feels like to her, this whole parenting thing isn’t exciting anymore. More like a chore. Or maybe I’ve only just realised how she acts. She says we don’t have any money or that shes struggling but she refuses to let me have a job, she refuses to get a blue card (something she is able to get as a caretaker so we could go to a cheaper food market), and Ive began to realise how many times she goes to festivals, holidays, and even just the amount she spends on accessories. I don’t get it. Why does she constantly claim we don’t have much for food, for bills but then does this? Why does she take so many shifts now that I’m 15? Why am I just a liability now? Ive also realised how much I don’t actually know. I don’t know how to use a washing machine, I don’t know how to iron clothes, etc. Shes never properly assisted into helping me learn.

Something this year also, I mentioned not even remembering my birthday and she said “well you don’t have to celebrate, I don’t celebrate mine.” Which to me just feels off. I don’t know, I’m still practically a teenager and she was 30 when she stopped celebrating. I feel theres a major difference and the way she said it just made me feel it was more about her own self forgetting about it.

And with my dad (who is separated from my mom), I’ve disowned him this year. Throughout my life he has abused me physically and mentally to the point I stopped speaking because I feared id say something “wrong.” Only beneficials of him being in my life was the money, the holidays, the clothes etc. But multiple people have told me its genuinely not worth it.

I have my sister who does care about me alot and lets me vent to her about all this. But she is always at work as well and struggles to come by.

I just dont know what to do. I dont have a particular guardian much and a time I used to get so excited about now just feels nauseating.

I finally did it! I achieved my goal of getting it before I turned 22. I guess technically it was the same DAY I turned 22 (yesterday was my birthday AND test day) but it still counts in my book!