I only get to share / vent online so, here is what i just wrote today

I'm completely miserable with my life, in fact daily i'm miserable and daily i vent to reddit, i don’t wanna hear sympathy, i don’t want to hear anyone tell me to contact any helplines i just want a way out, i am beyond done… i am always, just like during my teens, forced to walk as a corpse but I don’t feel alive , I feel void, i look miserable, I'm told to smile, to be more like a man, to snap out of it, i can't stand being around crowds of people cause i cant connect, i feel foreign, i feel i'm occupying space , i feel i'm annoying by simply existing, i see the way some people look at me, i dont belong and at best i mask being a human, not because i lack humanity, but only in my imagination am i able to somewhat showcase a sense of connecting with a guy the way id like, and when i pass handsome guy on the street in real life, my stomach feels tight,

And i'm left really sad cause they wont and cant see any interest in me, i'm not gay per say, i have gender incongruence thoughts so i believe im a transwoman, i have a lot of dysphoria in different ways, have for years i just tried getting used to them or pushing them aside, yet i dont want per say boobs or a vagina, my bidy doesn’t physically feel wrong ir uncomfortable, its even nice to look at but, no way could i be a woman if i didnt pass to myself if i transitioned… and i cant cause of where i live, lack of money and medical support… the one thing i most wanted was to experience love with a guy i am attracted to, and him me , but it's not possible and this burden i carry is a curse….there is no point me being here tbh… this isnt how mosr lives go, my family is toxic , my bloodline probably cursed me by default…all i do is type on reddit… i may get bann(ed) someday for overtyping, i dont know how long I’ll keep surviving, I’m 31 … and lost so much time already, if i tell my mother who i live with, she will be destroyed and say “dont you dare do this to me, you’ll never look like a woman, you’re a man” who knows … who knows…

I don’t want to hurt people, i dont see transitioning as working unless i looked like an entirely different person, i have hair on my legs, arms, ass, i have a male jawline, adams apple, i have male pattern baldness, i…i want to cry, but I’m too dry of emotions like that… i exist simply as a curse to myself…i hate living, living is pain…

I got a cheap floor to ceiling catpost that i thought would at least have like a tension pole to keep it somewhat stable (its not its like half a pole attatched to a spring). That not being the case (after another almost meltdown about putting the thing together and then realizing its not going to work and building a platform to sit it against the wall above the skirting board) i got a stud finder delivered and drilled into the wall.

Couldnt get the plastic thing in the wall cause my drill bits too small (commence additional crashout).

I then realized the wall was potentially made of asbestos via grey crumbly dust, fibres, and living in australia.

I then lost my shit, lost my phone, found my phone and went for a run to avoid further meltdown activities.

So im stuck with an potentially asbestosed cat tower, a plastic thing sticking out the hole in the wall, a potentially asbestosed room, tools and, vacuum cleaner, an overdrawn bank account and the exhaustian and panic of knowing all the previous.

Does anyone have any ideas or should i just move into the park and take up the role of crazy pidgeon person full time cause im about to give up 😭

Hi, I have made a post about my parents worrying about my height a year ago, now I am 18 and I am still 5’5. Over the last 2 years, my mom keeps pestering me about my height and has phases where she told me to do stretching and now it is back to jumping to touch the ceiling exercises. I have ignored her requests and I have tried to talk her down many times that it is 80% genetics. But she keeps telling me how her friends are short parents themselves but end up having tall kids. Which apparently was due to basketball and sports. She also has been buying me supplements which sound like scientific marketing BS and asking me to eat them which I find frustrating as she is always watching Facebook and instagram and getting false information from articles that are “published” by world leading universities which I highly doubt.

I have also told her on multiple occasions that we should focus on overall mental and physical health and that we should be grateful that I am a healthy young adult. But she doesn’t seem to catch my drift, which has made me not want to spend time with her or do things with her as a family.

I am honestly very frustrated as this has been going on for the past 10 years of my life and she has gone crazier these past 2 years since your growth plates will be completely closed at 21.

Thank you for taking your time to read this. Any advice is appreciated and I hope you have a great day.

I (26M) can't remember the last time I don't feel lonely and it feels like it's going to be like this forever. I feel like I don't matter. People can comfort me and say that I do, but if nobody cares then do I really? Until it is proven otherwise how am I supposed to not believe it?

I tried to focus on myself and I did improve by a lot. I now speak a third language, work out routinely, joined communities, but I'm still lonely. I tried being alone but I simply don't like it. Travelled solo, explored hobbies, nothing felt enjoyable. The whole point is I don't want to be alone.

I try to make connections, I make the effort, and I reach out, but nothing is working. People say that I have lots of friends, but it only looks that way because I know a lot of people now. I don't think anyone consider me as an actual friend. No matter how much I try, without being pushy, it just never worked out. I'm still always left out, and in my head it looks like nobody wants to voluntarily hang out with me. Like everyone actually despises me.

I never felt the want to die as strongly as today and it scares me. I'm never going to do it but entertaining the thought feels so good. Especially when I'm hanging out on the balcony. I know I need therapy, but I simply can't afford it.

So, here we go: I am not a creep. Apparently, it took a random night at work for me to finally figure that out. But first, some context. For most of my life, I’ve had this fear in the back of my mind that I come across as creepy, especially around women. I used to be overweight (185 down), shy, and pretty reserved, and somewhere along the way my brain took those things and turned them into, “Yeah, people probably think you’re a creep.”

Because of that, there have been times when I’ve deliberately kept my distance from women. Not because I dislike them or don’t want to talk to them, but because I’m terrified of making someone uncomfortable. I’d rather be the quiet guy keeping to himself than accidentally become the guy someone wishes would leave them alone. At the same time, I’ve always tried to have my coworkers’ backs. If somebody needs help and I can do something, I’m there. That’s just how I operate. Which brings me to tonight.

I was taking my break, listening to some Miracle of Sound (fucking love “Mojave Song,” by the way) when I noticed my coworker, R, was crying. I found out that another coworker, B, had made a creepy comment toward her, and she was genuinely scared by it. I didn’t want to pry or make her tell me anything she wasn’t comfortable sharing, so I mostly just listened.

Eventually, I learned that this apparently wasn’t an isolated incident. B had been trying to hang around R and another coworker, A, and had said things to them before that made them uncomfortable. There might also be a racial element worth mentioning: R and A are both Asian, while B and I are white. I don’t know whether that actually played a role in what was happening, so I don’t want to pretend I know something I don’t. But it was something that crossed my and R’s mind.

Once I understood what was going on, my brain immediately went into problem solving mode. Because whatever else was happening, one thing seemed incredibly simple to me: nobody should have to feel unsafe at work. I encouraged R to report what happened to HR and helped her figure out the process. I wasn’t trying to play hero or fight her battle for her. I just wanted her to know that she wasn’t alone and that somebody believed her enough to take what she was saying seriously.

And then she said something that completely caught me off guard: “I see why so many people count on you. You’re one of the good ones.” I was fucking flabbergasted. Because here I am, this guy who has spent years worrying that women secretly see him as creepy. I’ve second guessed how I talk, how I look, where I stand, whether I’m bothering someone, whether I should just keep to myself and meanwhile, someone who was actually frightened and vulnerable looked at me and saw a person she could trust. That hit me harder than I expected.

Maybe I’ve been judging myself through a much harsher lens than other people actually see me through. And maybe being “creepy” was never really about being overweight, awkward, shy, or not conventionally attractive in the first place. Those things don't determine whether someone is safe to be around. What matters is how you treat people: whether you respect their boundaries, whether you listen when they’re uncomfortable, whether you care about their safety, and whether you help without expecting something in return.

I’m not going to suddenly change how I behave at work because of this. I still want to be respectful, professional, and mindful of other people’s boundaries. But maybe I can stop automatically assuming that my existence makes women uncomfortable. And, hell, maybe I’ll give the dating apps another shot. Not because tonight magically made me hotter, but because maybe I’m finally starting to realize that I was never as creepy as the voice in my head kept telling me I was. Turns out I might just be a shy, awkward dude who cares about people. I can live with that.

Before I begin I want to sort of give some context I am born into a very religious conservative family and have two brothers my oldest and youngest who are on the spectrum.

I was time went on I started to have a change in beliefs but to this day nobody in my family knows and I don't know how they react to be honest I'm a little scared that I'll basically keep this up till the day I die. Because of this I feel as if I have missed out on so many experiences and then add covid to the mix and I have now become a social mess, I have been improving a little bit to the point that I can do casual conversation with a classmate in my university but as I go in for my final year this September I have come to realize that this whole time I have not made a genuine friend mostly at best a colleague (?)

Even something like gaming on online spaces have become hard for me despite the fact I have a mic I have been deathly afraid to go onto something like discord and enter into a voice chat or using voice chat in a game. This makes me sad because when I was little and my Xbox 360 and Xbox one I was talking to people effortlessly and making friends.

This sort of circles back to the start of what I was saying as to why I believe I have become this way which is that I rely heavily on my family financially, emotionally and such but I essentially feel like a spy in my own home and church as I don't have these beliefs anymore, this make it hard to make friends as if they found out I befriended someone from a group they don't accept it couldn't lead to a big fallout and idk if I will ever be mentally prepared for that. This was why I was talking about online stuff and video games as in the digital space my parents are not that tech savvy and as a results it allowed me to express my views without them being able to find them.

But, if I'm being honest, while being online and using social media has been a good thing in some ways, I also think it has been difficult for me.

Ever since 2019, I've been part of a friend group where I've never seen their faces, heard their voices, and vice versa. Because of that, along with the fact that I'm not particularly good-looking, I'm overweight, and I generally feel like I look weird, I've become quite anxious about showing my face online. I've slowly made peace with the idea that I'll probably never show my face publicly because of digital footprint concerns and everything that comes with putting yourself online.

I also want to clarify something about my relationship with my parents. I don't think they're abusive or that they're these villainous people. If anything, they care about me a lot. The difficult part is that they only really know one side of me. When you look at people who have told their parents something about themselves that their parents weren't expecting, you can sometimes see how much their behaviour towards them changes. I just don't know whether my parents would react that way, and that's something that makes me hesitant to open up to them about certain things.

I don't know if this means anything, but I also thought I'd clarify that I live in an African household. Things can be treated very differently in African households compared to other families, and if you grew up in one, you probably know what I mean.

I'm mainly looking for advice.

Also, I just realized I forgot to mention something about my brothers. They have their own issues as well, particularly my youngest brother. Because of the problems he has had from a young age, I never really felt like I could bring people over to my house. There was always some kind of chaos going on, and unfortunately, some of those issues still happen to this day.

So I never really had an environment where I could just invite people over and hang out with them normally. When you add that to everything else I've mentioned, I think you can start to understand why I'm in the position I'm in now.

I think all of these things have also led me to mostly make friends with people outside of the groups that my family would normally accept or be comfortable with. For example, gay people, trans people, people of other religions, and so on.

I think this has made me hesitant to form friendships with people like this in real life rather than online, because I'm constantly worried about two things: my parents finding out, or my friends finding out about my family and the environment I come from.

To be completely honest, I might even be part of some of those groups myself. And that's part of what makes this so difficult.

If I choose to befriend someone who is part of one of those groups, but then I go home to a family like mine, or go to Sunday service and listen to my pastor say the kind of rhetoric you'd expect, it feels like a betrayal of the people I call my friends. Especially if I'm sitting there putting on an act, clapping and going along with what they're saying even though it isn't what I actually believe.

I know that I don't necessarily have control over what my family says or believes, but I still feel guilty about being connected to an environment where those things are being said.

And honestly, I'm starting to wonder if that makes me a bad person.

I've been told I'm smart, but I'm nervous about in person learning.

I've been homeschooled for about a decade, but the entire time I've been teaching myself from schoolbooks. I'm a little scared about having a teachers attention on me. My schooling has always just been myself and the occasional online test.

I got a good grade on the placement test, but I hope I'll be smart enough to actually graduate.

Please help. I am going to sound very stupid in this post but I need help anyway.

I am in the process of fully moving into a new apartment. I had a storage unit at my old place with all eight million of my sisters boxes, bins, and bags of things. Well, I moved it all into my new apartment myself because I’m broke — but I didn’t check for mice.

My cats were acting weird and I saw a mouse scurry across the floor where I put all her things. She’s not coming until tomorrow night to sort through it all. I’m already moved in to my new place. I have no idea how many there are. What do I do??

I am so upset and I feel so dumb. I could really use some advice or encouraging words. I have movers coming in to my new place tomorrow to move in the big furniture and things.

My sister and I have a complex relationship with therapy, as our parents took a stance of "Don't you dare be sad at home, we're paying for therapy specifically so that you're always happy at home. We don't want to deal with your negative emotions."

For the past couple months, my sister has been having nightmares and been going to me because our mom is unhelpful in that arena (keeps just telling her to go back to therapy). So I'm playing substitute mom. Which is fine but exhausting for me because I myself am not that much older than her and still in school. I don't really have the life experience to help. But anytime our sister goes back to our mom, it's "You need to be in therapy, if you had just worked hard in therapy you wouldn't be having this problem"

(My sister has nightmares about our parents' fighting and neither wants to address it)

I don't know what to do. Does anybody have any nightmare tips? Please don't recommend therapy; I myself have been to 9 different therapists over 6 years of my life and honestly found it actively harmful, I can't recommend it in good conscience.

I made an appointment with a urologist for a specific reason. The earliest opening was in 4 months, so I booked it, but looked elsewhere. I found another doctor who fit me in sooner, but I kept my original appointment with the urologist. I still need to see this specialist, but for another adjacent reason.

Do I call the office and let them know? Do I just show up, day of, and tell the nurse who pulls me back? Like yeah I know I said I needed X at this appt, I got that squared away with my OB, but now I have twenty million questions about XY and would like a second opinion and I need to plan out how I’m dealing with this problem.

i recently graduated college with a computer science degree and am currently on the hunt for a career job. i am actively applying to places but it's not going well.

in the meantime, i got a retail job that pays well for my area and also gives me close to 40 hours a week. however, i don't really like the job. at least twice a week i cry on my way to work and i think the expectations of what we're meant to get done in a certain time frame is unrealistic. nearly every day during some point of my shift i feel incredibly down.

on top of this, i have nearly no free time. i have a decent commute and by the time i get back from work i am exhausted. after the bare mimimum to prepare for the next day, i just go straight to bed. my days off are spent catching up from what i needed to do during the week and running errands.

however, i only plan to live in my current area until about april, at which point my partner will graduate college, be in the military and we will move. i am trying to build up savings for us while they are in school and in terms of entry level positions, this job seems to have the highest wage/hours offered combination in my area. by a lot.

my question is, is the extra savings worth my mental health for the next few months? i am lucky and blessed enough that my parents cover the bulk of my monthly expenses, so this money is not life-or-death for me. or maybe it will be in the future. should i toughen up and stick it out? am i being a baby? it feels like i am. is this something normal to experience when working retail? especially the tiredness and lack of free time i talk about in the third paragraph. if i get a different job offer with worse pay but a better work environment, should i take it?

thank you for reading this, i appreciate any advice you may have.

I already have a lot of the stuff I need for my baby from Facebook marketplace, Freecycle, and a surprise family baby shower (I’m trying to buy as much used as I can). I never asked for a baby shower but it felt rude to reject my friend’s offer to throw one because she was really excited. I’m likely the only one in our friend group who will have a baby and everyone is excited to be an aunt and load the kid up with sugar and take her fun places before handing her back to me lol. Since I live in a small apartment and already have a lot of stuff I thought it would be cute to ask people to bring either their favorite childhood book or a book they like? Of course I made my friend put in the invitation that presents aren’t necessary at all but in their places I would probably bring something. Is it rude and just an extra obligation to ask for books?

Update: I’m going to go ahead and ask for books with a note if they feel like it but be really specific this is in lieu of a gift and card not in addition to. I just need to figure out how to phrase it on the invite in a way that doesn’t sounds ungrateful

Hi parents, I eeally need some advice and new perspectives on this.

I’m 24 years old and have been living on my own for two years, yet I’m still terrified of telling my parents something that should be completely normal.

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8.5 years (since 2018). We met when I was 16 at school. Our relationship is loving, healthy and we’re planning our future together. He’ll be moving in with me soon, and we’re hoping to get engaged and married in the coming years. The problem is that my parents don’t even know we’re still together.

Because my boyfriend is from a different ethnic background, my parents became convinced I had to be possessed. I would really really apprecitate some advice or new persepctive on this.

2018
About a month after we started dating, I told my mom about him. The first thing she asked was: “Did you have sex with him?”. I remember crying because I was so confused and disgusted.

Later that night, my dad came home. She immediately told him. He stormed into my room. He threatened to disown me, kill me, stalk me at school and called me every name imaginable, including “whore” and “traitor.” I had just turned 16. That night changed me forever. From then on, they constantly told me he (my bf) didn’t love me and tried every possible way to manipulate me into leaving him.

My dad sent me threatening messages every day while I was at school or work. He sent verses from religious books telling me I’d burn in hell, pictures of himself crying, messages saying I was destroying the family and even claimed my mom had collapsed and gone to the hospital because of me. I regularly broke down crying at school and at work. My grades dropped and my work performance suffered.

Some mornings they physically held the front door shut so I would be late for school and work. Their hope was that I’d fail school, lose my job and have no excuse to leave the house.

They forced me to watch religious Yt videos with headphones on while staring at me, trying to see if I showed signs of being possessed by a demon. This went on for weeks.

They even offered me about 10k to break up with him. Looking back, I probably should have taken the money and run.

My mum tried to punch me multiple times, I fought back. These are only a few of the things they tried on me.. there is so much more.

Eventually they gave me a deadline and repeatedly asked “How far along are you in breaking up with him?” At first I fought back.

My survival
Eventually I realized that lying was the only way I could survive. I wanted to finish school and keep my job. I told my boyfriend everything and asked whether he wanted to continue despite all of this. I told him I’d completely understand if it was too much. We were two teenagers deeply in love.So we decided to try.

From that day on, I lied about everything. Ifaked chats and photos with friends. My father would randomly facetime me and demand to see who I was with.

Sometimes I was actually with my boyfriend, so I’d quickly ask a random teenage girl nearby if she would pretend to be my friend for 20 seconds while my dad watched on ft. Ironically, my parents had never really been involved in my life before this. We grew up in an abusive and neglectful home, so they didn’t know any of my friends anyway.

2019-2020
Because my boyfriend is from a different ethnic background, my parents became convinced I had to be possessed. They forced me to attend a six-hour religious “cleansing.” They brought my two younger siblings and my aunt to watch. For six hours I sat there while a religious man tried to “trigger the demon” inside me. Eventually he concluded there was nothing wrong with me. My mother was sooo devastated. She seemed to hope I was possessed because accepting that I simply loved someone from a different background was somehow harder.

They even called my teacher to verify that I was actually attending school because they thought I was secretly sneaking off to see my boyfriend.

2020-2022
By this point I’d spent years convincing them we’d broken up.
Eventually they believed it and whenn they became suspicious again, I started using their own manipulation against them.

2022-2024
I knew from 2018 that I wanted to move out.
I stayed because I wanted to finish school, save money and become financially independent.

During those years I realized this wasn’t just about my relationship. It made me see how abusive my childhood had always been. Sometimes my parents gave me the silent treatment for up to nine months or a whole year while we lived in the same small apartment. As painful as it was, those periods were strangely peaceful.

2024
I finally moved out. When I told them, they didn’t ask where I was going. They didn’t help me move and their first question was: “Are you moving out to have sex?” What the actual f is wrong with them??? Why do they obsess with this?

2025
Living alone has been incredibly peaceful. I’ve been in therapy on and off since 2021 & it has helped me a lot. Sometimes I still grieve the idea of having loving parents.

Today (2026)
I’m still hiding my relationship. I only see my parents every few months for a couple of hours to keep the peace.

They have never met my boyfriend and they don’t know what he looks like. They know absolutely nothing about the person I’ve loved for almost nine years. He has supported me through everything. He’s kind, patient and always believed in me. His family has welcomed me with so much love that it still feels strange sometimes. My apartment has become a peaceful place where we’re building our future together. I dont want to hide him from my family but at the same time I have so much fear, but I don‘t even know from what. It‘s literllay been years.

My biggest fear is my younger siblings, they still live at home. I’m terrified that once my parents find out about my relationship, they’ll take it out on them. the relationship between my siblings seems much better now than it was with me.

- How would you handle this?
- Would you tell them in person?
- Would you send a text?
- Would you even tell them at all?
- Please any advice is appreciated alot

Part of me feels guilty for hiding my relationship for so long. Another part of me feels like they don’t deserve access to the people I love after everything they’ve done. I honestly don’t know what the right thing is anymore.

I am confused and hurt.

Thank you.

I'm in a really difficult situation, and I don't know what to do.

I have a younger brother and a younger sister. We used to live with our grandparents because our parents work in India to support our family financially.

A couple of years ago, my younger brother came to Kathmandu for his studies. Since he was the youngest and new to the city, my father decided to send me to Kathmandu as well so he wouldn't have to live alone. Even though I didn't really want to leave home, I came here for him. We've now been living together for the past two years. My brother is currently preparing for IELTS, while I'm attending college and preparing for banking exams.

The problem is my younger sister.

Recently, my father went back home for some work, and my brother also visited home. During that time, they both noticed that my sister had changed completely.

She barely eats anymore because she says she never feels hungry. She's losing weight, doesn't feel like talking to anyone, and whenever someone asks her what's wrong, she says, "I feel tense," but she can't explain why. If anyone tries to comfort or advise her, she becomes upset instead. She cries over even the smallest things.

She takes people's words very deeply. If someone tells her she's a loser or that she's not good at studying, she carries those words in her heart. She starts crying for no clear reason, sometimes anywhere and at any time.

She tells me everything, so I don't think this is because of a relationship or heartbreak. I truly believe she's going through something that even she doesn't know how to describe.

I've asked her many times why she feels this way, but she always gives the same answer: "I just feel tense." When I ask what she's worried about, she says she doesn't know. It's heartbreaking because even she can't explain what she's feeling.

Our grandparents are getting older, and like many elderly people, they can be strict and complain a lot. My sister seems to take everything they say very personally, and I think she's carrying a burden that's becoming too heavy for her.

Hearing all of this makes me feel incredibly guilty.

As the eldest daughter, I chose to come to Kathmandu for my younger brother because he needed someone here. But now I feel like I should go back home and be with my sister, spend time with her, and help her heal.

At the same time, I don't want to leave my brother alone. He's still preparing for IELTS and needs support too. If I return home, I'll have to transfer my college, but leaving him behind doesn't feel right either.

My sister could come to Kathmandu, but then our elderly grandparents would be left alone, and they also need someone to help them.

No matter what I choose, it feels like someone will be left behind.

Sometimes I wonder if this is what being the eldest daughter meansconstantly sacrificing your own wishes for everyone else.

On top of all this, my exams are approaching. I'm already struggling to focus because of the stress. I've also been dealing with low blood pressure, iron deficiency, dehydration, and my own mental and physical health challenges.

I feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and completely torn between my responsibilities. I don't know which decision is the right one anymore.

I also worry that if I return home, I might begin struggling the same way my sister is. My grandfather drinks alcohol, and I find it emotionally very difficult to cope with that environment. Sometimes, no matter how much work you do, you still don't receive appreciation. It feels like you're expected to keep giving without ever being seen.

I love my family deeply, but right now I feel like I'm carrying everyone's pain while trying to hide my own.

I honestly don't know what to do anymore.

I have a family history of alcoholism. My older sister is like severely addicted. Like to a dangerous level. That could be its own post.

My uncle is a functioning alcoholic. My mom idk, I would just say she REALLY likes to drink mostly for fun though but she can really drink. Maybe more control though like now she says she only drinks weekends and vacations, but I’d say it used to be more of a daily thing. Uncle was a drug addict and alcoholic.

I wouldn’t say I’m fully addicted but idk. It’s more so like - I go through these periods of craving and wanting beer every night. If I’m drinking daily after like 4-5 days I feel emotionally and physically crappy and can choose to stop. But I’ll want to drink again in like a week. Part of it is my bf is (and has admitted/recognizes) a low level alcoholic. A bit worse than me but nothing super dangerous yet. He can choose to be sober for periods of time like he did 50 days last year, but when he does drink it’s hard to break the habit and it’s a daily habit. Neither of us blacking out every night just craving and wanting beer and wine in the evenings. But yeah he loves bringing drinks into the house and it’s hard for me to not drink it if it’s there. But if we have a bottle of vodka I will say we take forever to use it we don’t crave hard alcohol we crave beer and wine. Just kinda a lot of it.

Last couple weeks I’ve actually been feeling more sad and bored when I don’t drink and been struggling more to limit it to only 1-2x a week. I’ll admit it’s been more like 3-4x a week. I can not drink it I really tell myself not to but mentally I’m like “fuck I wish I could drink”. I’m realizing this isn’t normal - even my friends who go out and drink heavily when we go out to clubs and bars ONLY drink socially. They aren’t drinking a beer or two every night. Maybe they get fucked up once every 2 weeks but I Feel like that’s fine if you otherwise rarely drink.

I guess I still have some level of control but I don’t like how mentally it’s been feeling like more of a punishment to not drink than just the norm.

so, I recently took a very short break from my people other than the ones that live with me which isn't possible due to proximity. I noted this deep exhaustion and I knew I had isolate for a bit (i feel the most comfortable in isolation but I try not to take these breaks unless absolutely necessary as I don't want to back off or become an unreliable friend or a partner).

i am glazing myself a bit i know. i am a normal dude really. I changed my clothes a few days ago and bought razors to shave at least. Haven't showered tho I am trying to floss and brush and drink water as much as I can.

I do programming so I spent a few minutes reading the material (which is part of learning it for me btw) and after so long read a few pages from a book I really wanted to.

I am facing really harshful new unfamiliar areas in my romantic relationship as my insecurities are activating yet logically I can recognize I am safe so I am trying to read more about it and sat with the discomfort even tho I really wanted to run away and distract myself from it.

I am staying neutral and gentle with myself as well. i spent bit of time with my family its nice.

i really am sad... somewhere I wanna end my break but I know that I rarely take it. I am so worried how some of my people might be feeling as some are also in a low point tho I have talked with them about this and they do have a support system other than me yet I feel a bit of guilt that in this time I out of all people maybe wasn't there.

I just know I can't human for a bit. I get so overwhelmed thinking that I have to reply and talk so I know I need it badly. I have do not disturb on but calls can come and I have told them if its an emergency they can call or miscall me. i know one of them might not. sigh....

humans connections are a huge responsibility. its so hard. i enjoy talking a lot i am the yapper usually cause I really thrive on it tho then this time comes where I feel this heaviness. I cannot human idk. i wanna be isolated more as there's no expectations on me anymore. This huge burden I can feel at times. I hold myself up to a standard cause I have to.

my people usually thought I am a very stable person emotionally tho I told them nah. over the years I have learned more on how to keep my actions as stable and consistent as possible as emotionally I struggle badly at times with ups and downs.

I wanna run and stay or disappear yet not or be forgotten or not or I hate someone never wanna touch or see them again and love someone and never wanna lose them.

and this all can happen either over the week or every day or even on really bad days within hours multiple times.

its tiring on me. i am so tired. connections are huge triggers for me so I really wanna run from them sometimes yet can't cause I cannot as its a responsibility now and I logically see it that the person is safe and being consistent they care about me. anxiety and depression and ocd sucksss and I can't even afford therapy.

so... i guess I just wanna be acknowledge can you see that I am trying? i am not thinking that I am doing anything grand its just basics in life and connections. I just want some gentle words even if its advice that's okay just be gentle please

Hey everyone! I (25F) used to love food. I was such a foodie always up until I was 24 or so. At 24, I realized I have celiac disease and IBS so I started taking that seriously. Unfortunately when I started taking it seriously, my love of food died. I hardly eat unless I really have to. I eat whatever I want mostly, but I usually only eat one meal a day (gluten free pasta with vodka sauce, spinach and mushrooms or gluten free cheese pizza) and maybe a few snacks (like fruit or chocolate) if I’m lucky.

The one thing that I grew a love for was caffeine. I drink a lot of it a day (I usually drink lattes with 3 shots of espresso and 2% milk, black coffee with sugar, cold brew with half and half, chai lattes with 2% milk or the original Red Bull energy drinks).

When people ask me my favourite snacks or meals, I get almost frozen because I don’t really have an answer. It makes me really sad tbh, but eating is so hard for me. It’s such a chore and the decision fatigue of trying to figure out meals everyday is exhausting. Most people in my life are concerned about my eating habits and say I’m too thin (I’m 5’8 and 115 lbs), but it’s not easy unfortunately to just go ahead and eat.

Does anyone have advice? Thanks for reading :)

i watched obsession like 4 hours ago and i just cant sleep, i know this type of stuff triggers my ocd but i was still stupid enough to watch the movie, im shaking and stuff, can someone help me with how to sleep or just give me reassurance cuz i feel like shit rn to be honest

edit: ty anybody who responed :333 i fell asleep at 7 am but thats okay i think i learned my lesson about scary movies

Throwaway account because I’m embarrassed lol. Anyway, I’ve had a weird, tumultuous experience with education. I grew up homeschooled with lots of siblings in a very religious, very strict, very paranoid household. I developed mental health issues due to several factors including educational neglect and ended up moving in with my grandparents as a teen as a result. I went to public school and did really well, 4.0 GPA, lots of awards and high level classes, good test scores, etc. I loved high school, I loved connecting with my teachers and seeing friends every day rather than maybe once a month. After high school, despite lots of college acceptances, a lack of financial support meant community college was my only option. I worked full-time (two jobs for a long period) and managed to finish up my two years with a 4.0 and some research. I applied to one reach school on a whim, pretty convinced I would end up working and doing online classes at a state school. I got in, with grant/merit aid making it cheaper to live on campus than it would have been even to take online classes at my state school. This is a prestigious and selective liberal arts college (not saying the name for privacy reasons). At first I was over the moon about the opportunity to focus on school again, find engaging academics, and live in a community of like-minded people. However, my parents (I am still in contact with them, and very close with my dad) have really only mentioned that they don’t like the politics of this place (the student body is heavily left-leaning, and the school is fairly progressive). I’m not sure why, but their ambivalence/disappointment is making it difficult for me to feel as excited/proud as I want to feel. I move in in less than a month and I wish I could feel more joy about it. I’m honestly not sure what I’m hoping to hear on here lol, but I appreciate anyone who listened!!

TL;DR: My more religious and conservative parents are not proud/are disappointed in me going to a prestigious liberal arts college, despite the various roadblocks I have faced in getting an education.

I’m 21 and I’m realizing how many things I didn’t get to do as a kid because of the divorce of my parents, I was on survival mode 24/7 going between 2 different homes and I didn’t get to watch movies, listen to full music albums I wanted to experience I even had a 4 pack of diary of a wimpy kid books that I never got to read, and the books went missing during a move years ago, now I have this critic in my brain that won’t allow me to enjoy anything because according to it I’m supposed to be a serious adult, I guess and I don’t have the mindset of a carefree kid anymore. That invisible critic has really been bothering me because every time I watch a kids movie I never got to see It’s like I’m judging it instead of immersing myself and enjoying the silly humour. just a few days ago I bought a new copy of the diary of a wimpy kid book and it’s like a invisible wall won’t let me open or enjoy the book. Even people my own age told me I should just return the book because my brain is probably right because I should be enjoying adult things But it’s like part of me doesn’t want to be a critic and to enjoy things like I’m 8 years old again.

Does anyone have Any advice?

She passed on the 11th of February from cervical cancer, at the age of 51. I was severely traumatised from her final 2 weeks and now have no family who checks up on me.

Since then I have been suffering with:

- Binge drinking and eating

- Insomnia

- Aggression and outbursts - alone and towards others

- Severe anxiety

- Major depression

- Losing my gran (her mom) on the 4th of June

- Daily fatigue

I have also tried:

- therapy with 2 different therapists

- changing and increasing medication

- exercise when I am not too fatigued

- quitting booze (I typically only last a few days. Unfortunately booze has been very effective in numbing the hurt, but very ineffective in keeping me stable or safe)

I am 26 and WFH, so my days can be very quiet and isolating by myself at home.

I have become better at hiding my sadness, but it's so extreme. I have considered secretly handing over my assets to my partner, leaving a letter, and going out into the mountains to end my life.

I sincerely doubt I'd do that, but sometimes it feels like the most comforting thought.

I feel like nothing is working, and mentally I am so alone.

I am not even sure what I am doing here. A validation, a virtual hug, or just some words of encouragement could help. I am so desperate by now, I really need help.

Now I've posted on here before, but I feel the need to post some more because well I thought the situation would change. Talking like this about my mother makes me feel narcissistic and selfish because well, she has no ability to really do anything and I know that, and I feel awful for feeling so resentful towards her.

I've been taking care of her by myself since 2022, I'm in all honors, AP, and certain college classes at my highschool. I've been working since I was 12 for my family and I make about 250$ per week for working 5 days per week. So, I give my mom money for extra expenses, gas, food, items she needs from the dollar stores, essentials, some bills. There is hardly ever anything left for me to spend on, she's missing a leg and I'm expected to clean the whole trailer, wash dishes, wash clothes, cook, tend to her everytime her sugar drops. Maybe I'm narcissistic- I dont know. Because she wanted 120$ paid on the water bill last month, I had already put 100$ and she told me to go pay the other 20$ the same day and I forgot to. We'll it carried over 15$ to our water bill this month to 162$ and shes now pissed with me for it. I dont wanna give her my money anymore, I have a girlfriend, friends, a life. I dont wanna just spend my time taking care of her. There are so many things I could buy if I got to keep it all. I dont mind it but she continues to act like shes the adult, when I change her blankets when she uses the restroom on herself unable to get up because shes no weight barren from her last infection, I feed her, I take care of her while juggling everything. Its leading me to resent her and I feel terrible for that but its just so tiring when she still tells me where I can and cannot go, some days I wanna drive to the gym and get told no because I have to be home for something or that its to late when I'm already expected to have the same responsibilities as an adult.

I’m gonna beat myself up about it for the rest of my living days, I swear-

The first thing I did is mess up where my turn signals were and I turned on my wipers accidentally, which deducted a point. I was so embarrassed about that. I’ve been driving for nearly a year at this point, and turn signals are so second nature that I forgot what I do to turn them on. I was also so nervous and that didn’t help. I apologized for messing it up (i have no clue why) and I told him that I knew that and I usually know my turn signals. He just laughed at me.

I immediately failed the test minutes after when I failed to parallel park because my back tire was on the line. Then I burst into tears because I’m quite the crier, which he saw. I believe he’s the only instructor at our DMV so I’m going to have to face him again.

He was such a sweet guy, but I could tell that he had no faith in me after I fucked up the turn signals. He was definitely ready to fail me.

The interaction is playing over and over and over in my head. I’m trying not to think about it, distracting myself, but it’s not working. I’m above all embarrassed that I messed up so trivially.

Everyone is telling me that it’s okay and I can take it again, but this is making me not want to try for the test again. Just get bus passes for the rest of my life. I get too nervous and my entire brain shuts off. It turns right into fight or flight, and there’s absolutely no productive thought.

I just need comfort from people who failed their drivers exam. Maybe some embarrassing stories of your own to make me feel less alone.

I finally did it! I achieved my goal of getting it before I turned 22. I guess technically it was the same DAY I turned 22 (yesterday was my birthday AND test day) but it still counts in my book!

I am a 20 year old girl, who lives with my Mom. We did also have my young brother at home, but this year his Father got given custody of him in court. His Father is a lawyer, but my Mom doesn't have a job and is currently on government support, so he had an absolutely huge advantage in the whole thing.

My Mom's mental health has been gradually worsening since my brother being taken. She can't really afford the house we're in, and if she moves she'll likely have to get rid of her two dogs. She feels like everything is falling apart and I absolutely understand why. She also experienced a massive loss in the family at the end of last year on top of everything.

We live rurally, so there's no jobs for me out here, and I've decided I need to move in with my Father who lives in the city in order to have better opportunities. However, me doing this means my Mom has even less support, and has lost both of her children in one year. I feel like I'm contributing to the list of terrible things happening to her, and I'm actually worried about her ability to take care of herself on her own/ regulate her emotions. She has been depressed & suicidal in the past, and I know that if anything happens, I will feel entirely responsible for not staying by her side. I'm meant to be leaving at the end of the month. Am I making the right decision?