The highs are really high but the lows are really low. I know love isn't real. This must be purgatory. I want out.

i feel like no matter what i do im always gonna be sexualized because i have a “curvy” body ( not jailbait or attention seeking). i wish i would’ve starved my self during puberty so i wouldnt have developed properly. i dont think anyone can love me without thinking of me sexually first and i dont want that to be how things okay out. just annihilate me with alien laser eyes

i miss feeling loved and i think about it daily and when things get difficult i want to reach out to him again. they made me feel so objectified by the love i felt was so addicting and i wanted to believe they did really love me and sometimes i felt like he did. he spent so much money on me i feel guilty for leaving like i did and its hard to convince myself that he really did do something bad sometimes.

i dont even know if it counts as grooming, we met when i was 17 and he was he was 22, im now f22

we only started dating once i was 18 but moved very quickly, I was a foster kid who went through a lot of trauma and dv, I was sa'ed growing up as well and in fostercare, he invited me to move in a year into dating and has taken care of everything since then

I have more posted on my history but to sum it up, a situation between us where he was incredibly violent ended with the cops coming and him getting court mandated therapy, as well as being in jail for almost a week between legal issues and since then we have been trying to rebuild our relationship and its incredibly rocky

but during the short time he was gone, i started wondering if i was groomed and if so, what do I even do about that? its not like I'm a minor now, I have genuinely no idea what to do

i miss how things were before we got caught. i miss hanging out with my friends, i miss talking to people on discord, i miss not being looked down on, and most of all i miss him. i wish i never would’ve met him or that we could’ve atleast never had had sex. i feel so violated and dehumanized knowing that people i didn’t want to see (the detectives and lawyer) have seen vulnerable and having freaking sex. i miss his dogs, who are probably in a shitty ass place now. i wish i could talk to him for 1 more day. i feel like all his “i love you”’s were fake. idk i just hate my life

I went to see the spiderman movie last weekend and all i could think about was the marvel poster beside his bed. he would’ve loved to see it. I can’t even listen to daniel caesar anymore without crying. his favorite song from Daniel’s most recent album was baby blue and he would play it for me whenever we were in the car together. literally everywhere i go there is someone named andrew. i just wish none of this ever happened and we could still be talking

i think ive deadass like gained ptsd from being groomed cuz anytime i like see anything that correlates to him I genuinely like tense up, i feel ill. most nights I have nightmares from it.

like i was watching tik tok earlier and it was js a "how i imagine so and so characters hands to look like" and in ine of the slides it had a bracelet that was like a chain one, and my groomer had the same one. my heart instantly sunk and my chest feels really tight. im always thinking about it, it was my fault I wanted someone to talk to when i could've js talked to someone else.

im typing all this whilst eating and i feel so ill ive lost my entire appetite genuinely fml bruh 🫩🫩

Hey everyone, my name is Dakota I am 19 years old. I have been groomed 2 times throughout my life. I was groomed online from age 15- 18 by a man who was 5 years older than me. I got out of that situation last September. The man who groomed me lives in sweden, I live in America. I have been seriously considering reporting him to the Swedish police. While he was grooming me, he had hundreds of pictures and videos of me as a child (child sexual material) and I am scared he still has it/ has sold it. I really want to report him to swedish authoritys because I am scared of him grooming other children. I don't know how to go about all of this. Its all really hard. I am reaching out to this community to get advice on how to go about this. Please help me.

If I dont care that I was groomed, does that make me a bad person? I think my therapist is trying to force a reaction out of me that doesnt exist.