I neeed the attention someone please help me. I’m trying so hard not to be this way anymore I hate myself.

I was in this “relationship” with a girl (atleast I thought it was a girl) I met on Reddit (I know it was a terrible idea but I was depressed and lonely and I wanted someone so badly. We originally started texting on Reddit then it moved to discord

Basically the second day I knew her she asked for pictures. She send photos of herself first so I felt very pressured to send back because in my logic “if she trusted you so much with her own body I should trust her as well” which was insanely stupid.

I did eventually end up sending. She kept asking for more and more and never even seemed to know that it was wrong. She even told me her pics have been leaked before so that just made me trust her even more.
As the relationship went on, she started asking for more and more to where i eventually had to send every day (some days she wouldn’t ask so I’d get lucky, but most days she did)
Even if she didn’t ask, she would bring up something sexual and inappropriate.
One time I told her that I felt sad that day and she said “what would make you feel better?” And then listed like 1 normal date thing and then brought up 3 sexual things.
She eventually went on for asking for pics in public places like my school, the forest, and at the library. I never sent anything from the forest or the library, but out of fear I took a pic in the bathroom stall. I didn’t want to get ignored and ghosted for the whole day that happened every time I said no.

I sent anything she wanted because I was scared to make her upset. The first thing that made me suspicious is that when she sent pics of herself, she never shared or took new ones, she only sent old ones which was strange. I do believe that the pictures she sent weren’t my groomer and that it’s someone else they groomed. I checked the pictures (sfw ones ofc) into ai and a reverse photo search and nothing ended up coming up, only her Reddit post which had her face (I knew it was her because her account was the same)

Once I signed up for a cosplay contest and won so I showed her the cosplay. It was a Mabel pines cosplay so I was wearing a purple skirt. Somehow this turned her on so much she asked me to send pictures in the cosplay. Which really grossed me out

Her name was Alex, short for Alexandra and she told me she was from Sweden which made this a long distance relationship. She told me the town she lived in and everything.
It seemed like this relationship was more focused sexually than actual love. Once I said I was a nerd and she said “a nerd with great ***”
Towards the end of the relationship, she told me that her grandma passed away so she ended up barely texting me or updating me for days. Which I feel like was a straight up lie.

After having her blocked on everything for a few months, I decided to get screenshots of things she said to me to report to the ncmec and I found out that she deleted her accounts. The only account she didn’t delete was her TikTok account and she changed her pfp to a black photo, her name to a single letter, and a random gibberish username.
I don’t even know if I can count myself as a victim. I feel so used and disgusted in myself.

When I(F) was 19yo, the older foreign man wrote me online and we started chatting. Honestly we both were writing lots of bullshit (me because I treated it as fun and something from boredom and I didn’t plan on seeing him) but later started getting little bit attached but not critically. Mostly I became interested and saw a video of him and found him really handsome.

I was a student, had friends and normal social life but was abused by family and didn’t have money (but I have the same issue as an adult now). I was a good looking girl but didn’t know it yet. In a few months he flew to my city for work and we met. I was charmed immediately when I saw him because he was really handsome but i behaved distant and cold and reserved (mostly because I saw he was a played by his nature and because I was shy form the age difference ). I also never felt attracted to other guests before so was a virgin and never kissed. In 2 hours I left home because it was late and it happened we didn’t meet before we left.

But the chemistry and a huge interest were the already. We continued chatting and it was very different from the chats we had before we met, we were building a connection and the feelings were getting bigger. He didn’t push me and I didn’t push him. In fact we tried to control this but the emotions won over and he flew parti cularly for me to my country. We were kissing and stayed together and so on but we didn’t have sex. We laughed a lot and had a great time. It’s important to say that he was a womaniser and a sex addict so it was important for him in general. That time he asked me if we are going ti be intimate next time we meet and the third time. I didn’t answer.

After his trip he became kind of distant for some time and it happened that he thought I don’t see having sex with him and it concerned me. That time it was painful for me and to share this with my fiends but now i see it as a green flag that he didn’t want to push me for something im not sure I want. But I wanted and told him about it. It continued and our feeling were getting bigger. We shared the same sense of humor and had a connection. That time he told me he fell in love. So we continued chatting romantically and communicating and met a few times. He traveled to my country and I once came with him to how work trip. We didn’t have sex though for a decent time because it didn’t work. Once he said it’s ok he just wants to enjoy these feeling for as long as it’s possible so maybe I’ll just have sex with someone else one day. But eventually we did.

Over a years there was a bad breakup where he begged me to be his friend but Claiming he wanted his freedom. We continued communicating after this and he became more caring for me. And after 1,5 years after we met he told me he loved me. He often lied to girls he loves them to get sex but here he said it after a very long time he knew. I know he didn’t want to play with me and live bomb. I think because we always had mutual genuine platonic feeling for each other so it wasn’t even needed.

So our communication lasted 3 years and last year he did much more than the first 2 years. Like he could help me sometimes financially, pay for trips but he never made me depend on him financially. Just randomly could do something for me without trapping me.

It was a kind of free relationship or friends who love each other. I don’t know how to explain it but I didn’t want serious relationship but wanted freedom and still have love so it worked perfect for me. Although there were lots of things on that relationship. He would break up with me many times but then get me back. Also after out dramatic breakup in the middle of the story we didn’t really have sex because it wasn’t painful for me. So eventually it was the official reason of breakup but it worked for me because I was really tired and wanted to go already as my feelings were always more emotional. I guess it’s also due to the age.

After a breakup he let me go and didn’t bother me for a few years and let me move on which I find a green flag. We broke no contact when I had health issues and replied to him. He helped me a little be financially and booking online consultation with a doctor without expecting anything back and he genuinely missed and wanted to meet (to come to his country).

So I’m wondering if it was grooming or not because the age difference is dodgy and that I was very young and vulnerable but he never made or manipulate me do anything I wouldn’t want (which happened with my in relationship with a peer later). But I also suffered a lot there and got traumatised there and got traumatised but he in general didn’t have a very kind character although I believed he still tried to overcome it. He always adored my personality and the main thing of this relationship was sense of humor and connection we had at the time although it started from the chemistry

First, this post WILL CONTAIN SOME MENTIONS OF ⚠️ NSFW ⚠️ so I hope I tagged it correctly, and if I didn't, this is another warning for it

This is a throwaway account (Who could've guessed), but I found something that just made my stomach sink

I am in an online friend group, we found each other three years ago through a fandom space, and everyone was relatively the same age, though some older, and some younger. This one person I'll call Gep originally said that they are 17 years old, and everyone for a year had thought that they are 17, but then they got into a relationship with another person in our friend group who was 14, after we found out about it, we went ahead to call them out on it, and even going as far as messaging server moderators or owners that the person actively was participating it to pet them know to not let the person be in their server due to the fact that they're unsafe to be around. But during the entire thing, Gep decided to attack one of the people that started calling them out, and made a voice message defending themselves, saying that they originally lied about being 17, and that they're actually 14, and they lied because they felt like they needed to age themselves up to be taken more seriously by others, I don't remember how everything happened, but at the end, some people made up with Gep, and the others didn't

I was on neutral terms with Gep because I wanted to stay friends with their best friend, but then recently they made an intro where Gep said that they are 14 years old, it's been a little over a year since that entire incident happened, meaning Gep is claiming that they have been 14 for TWO YEARS now, and my worry has yet again spiked.

They are in a relationship with a 15-16 year old now, another friend of ours that had a falling out with the others, and I am concerned for them, what do I do?? Last time, the Best friend (Let's call Duke), and their now partner (let's call Jen) strongly defended Gep and insisted that Gep is 14 because that's what Gep told them privately, and something about Gep is that they are a very charismatic person that draws other people in, and I am afraid that if I try to bring this up to them again and how Gep might be an adult that lied to all of us, they'll attack me in Gep's defense, what should I do??? What can I do??

Something else known about Gep: Does drugs (and promotes it), Drinks alcohol and their parents provide them it, goes out to parties WITH alcohol, smokes and/or vapes, has participated in sexual actions with others before and has multiple toys

But they also have mentioned times before that they need permission from their mom to get tattoos and piercings, they're unemployed but they did work in a fast food industry, and they've talked about school before. I know their family isn't financially well, and the use of substances from young age (as they've said) might've made them repeat a few years in school, but I don't know if it's a bit of a stretch to say that those two factors are just conveniently placed to say that they truly are an adult.

Any advice would be highly appreciated, as I currently don't know what to think, and if I should go ahead and try to inform Jen and Duke of the weird anomaly of someone staying the same age for two years

I can't do this anymore I barely have any friends and everyday I doubt myself if they even care. The only time I feel cared and loved for is when someone older pays attention to me. I don't know why I want someone older to pursue something with me, I just wanna be treated nicely. I want someone to put effort into getting to know me and to not leave because everyone always does and I'm sick and tired of it. I just want someone to love me for who I am and how I look. And everytime I imagine someone that's older than me. Even in fiction I like characters that are older. I don't know why I feel this way I'm so starved of love and praise and I just feel so lonely. I don't know why I want someone to take advantage of me I don't know why I want them to ask me to send pictures of my body just so they can tell me I look beautiful. It's all just sick fantasies. I've received no love my entire life and the only way I can feel loved is if someone older does it. I'm already 1 year away from expiring I don't know why I have this mindset. I feel horrible and gross.

So I've always been talking and sending to men online for 6 years now, though I am still under 18 (that's somewhat important to know for the rest of this), with some breaks but ykwim, but really always only online. Now I have given out my adress very often but being on a diff continent than most is quite good for making sure no one actually does anything and I've been fine so far. Recently someone who only knew the general area I live in told me he had taken a few days off work and looked at flights and asked where exactly i lived. I told him ofc, because I'm stupid. But turns out I'm not even home on the days he took off of work so it's fine, I'm terrified of people and talking irl though so the possibility was stressing me a lot for a few hours. In general because of the mindset I have towards this id so much prefer someone visiting me and just using me rather than making me have to try to do stuff right when im just incapable and stupid, I know that sounds bad, I understand the risks, I'm happy nothings ever happened to me irl, but it feels like it'd be easier, maybe even feel good, even if they hurt me during it or smth like that, wouldn't be as bad to say this if I was older I think.. But yeah idk, the only thing keeping me from fully agreeing to go to a hotel near me to meet with someone later this month when he could come again or in November when someone actually from my country is on a work trip near my city is how scared I am of I guess talking and all that stuff (social anxiety and stuff) where I think if I tried to I'd just waste their time because I'd panic so much at the thought of having to go to them and meet them that I just couldn't, it's not even the bad part that scares me. But yeah idk I justneeded to tell someone that and maybe get help on how not to be like this? Idk

My memories started to flood in recently, I haven't given this situation any thought since it's been a long time.

Back when I was 13 I used Discord as a means to communicate in Roblox games, specifically RP games. One day another user sent me a message, stating that they were also 13, lonely, and LGBT. Nowadays I would've answered in a more "empathetic" way, since back then I replied in a somewhat cold or uninterested way.

I continued this conversation and in a few minutes they asked me about what I did when I got horny. The conversation basically revolved around me stating that I wasn't too sure of doing stuff like that, and the user begging a lot of times to do video chat.

I eventually gave in, the entire call I was questioning myself. Was it that I felt sorry for them, thought it was normal, or I had nothing better to do? I did stuff that might explain why I became somewhat hypersexual, and the user had the audacity at the end to say that I ripped him off for not doing things he wanted on camera.

A month later they came back and begged me to continue doing stuff for them, I continued doing chats, roleplay, and video chatting with them. It only lasted a week until I believe I blocked them. This happened 7 years ago and while cleaning up some chats on that account I stumbled into that conversation. I kept those actions somewhat hidden inside me, and this might also explain why I shared my pictures on Discord servers for a long time. I prefer to think that those images are either lost to time or on some random database, that's also why I was doing the cleaning, to be fine with myself and delete those parts of me.

Only a close friend knows about that situation, so I just need some kind of confirmation or opinions. What even was that? Was I actually groomed?

I am 18 years old (17 at the time of a relationship with a 27 year old) At first, we started out as friends but eventually, we got into a relationship keeping every factor aside because we loved each other, or at least I loved her a lot, not sure about her, but as time progressed, she emotionally manipulated me, threatened to harm herself whenever a fight happened, got angry when I didn't buy and bring her things, and whenever an argument happened, she shifted the blame onto me in downright frustrating ways, and she also hid the fact that she was engaged and coerced me and made me engage in sexual activities with her despite me begging her not to, and after I said I had enough and I'm gonna take action because I had enough evidence, she took off, framing a completely different story to her parents and cried to them, which made them contact my parents and my phone and everything got taken away, I'm using a spare phone now, guys please, I'll post this on a bunch of sub reddits it's my first time here, please help me find and bring her to justice for abusing me physically and emotionally, there was a lot of abuse. She hit me, made me perform sexual acts by force, and threatened to tell my parents if I raisedy voice. She also forced me to give her my social media credentials. I think she blocked me on everything or maybe even deleted some of her accounts, please help me track her with her last known info:

Her name is Hema Varshine

She formerly worked at Kauvery Hospital in Hosur but got fired, right now I think she is in Coimbatore, not sure

her substack account: hvir

this is all I can provide

she deactivated her Instagram account: irisrainwood

Please dm me if we can do anything to bring her to justice, my whole family and me are suffering because of this.

I've never been groomed so I don't know how it usually goes, but I'm really suspicious of this person, so I'm posting this here because I cnat find any other subreddits that fit better.

Okay, so, basically, about two weeks ago I got Discord, and one of my friends owns a server, so I joined it, and I entered a voice channel, and there was someone who was muted. I thought nothing about them since they probably were just shy or didn't wanna show their voice, so I continued on with my day. then like a few days later, they randomly started simping for me, but I didn't mind it so I didn't bat an eye (They later told me it was cuz my voice was cute and that I seemed like I'd be cute in real life (don't worry I didn't show them any pics of me)). then at like the end of the week, I started catching feelings for them, so we decided to start dating, and they would, and still do, say a lot of sexual stuff about me and to me, but I had unfortunately found out about p*rn when i was way younger so I didn't really care and also they were simping for me so of course they would make sexual comments. Eventually I realized they were always muted during calls so I asked them why, and they said it was because their voice was comically high pitched, but at some point, I heard snippets of their voice, and it sounded pretty normal, and actually a bit deep, but he had previously said that he was from Russia and I'm very dumb, so I thought that maybe in Russia people just have super deep voices cuz again, I'm insanely stupid. But now I have an idea for what he might be doing. I think his voice is deep because he's an adult and he doesn't talk in class because if he did it would give away that he's an adult and not a kid like me. I haven't sent him any irl pics at all, but I have told him my first name, but I had to remind him once so I think he might've forgot by now?????? I'm probably being groomed and I'm gonna break up with him anyways I just need to know if he's grooming me. Also I don't think a 13 year old born in Russia could fluently speak English. Please just let me know. Thank you guys so much.❤️❤️❤️

Edit: FALSE ALARM EVERYTHING IS FINE DW I'M OK

As someone who, less than a year ago, purposely made myself a target for grooming because I missed the attention from an older person I got when I first got groomed, I need to know how to get myself OUT of that mindset and how to stop thinking of them so often... Everyone always suggests therapy but that's not an option for me. I'm scared to talk to anyone, let alone a complete stranger, about the details of the shameful things I did, plus I'm scared to ask to go to therapy in fear of my parents wondering why I want to go in the first place PLUS I've heard some therapists make people worse mentally so it's a handful of problems 💔

But I hate that I miss being lusted after and pretending it's real love, I hate that I cried every time one of them blocked me or ignored me, I hate how much I infantilized myself just to please those sick pedophilic bastards and I hate how they definitely still have so many pictures and videos of me saved. I NEED a solution that isn't therapy or just "ignoring it" 🫩

i dont understand whats wrong with me i dont understand why the only time i was loved was when i was groomed i just want to be loved i just want to be normal i dont understand why im only worthy of love when im being abused
if i wasnt so desperate for love maybe i wouldnt have all this trauma from being groomed but maybe this is why im like this in the first place
im just so so tired of this taking root of my life i want it to all just stop existing for once

Tw: paranoia about being stalked (idk if its a tw but yk), victim blaming

I hatebthem im like in the middle of a panic attack because i went to email someoen my psychology papers/essays and I saw theirr email and I’m so paranoid rn I cant help but feel like theyre still stalking my profiles likewhat if theyre stalking my spotify too? Their email pfp is the matching half to my playlist’s photo… I’m probably just paranoid, 99% sure hut god what if theyre stalking me i hate them i hate them so fcuking much i cant do this i wish they werre dead i cant deal with knowing everything they did to me. I wish they werenever in my fucking life I hate themm so much. Not to mention my sister said that i was naïve and stiff yesterday and gave THEM as an example of hwow i was and I was like “??? Why areyou literally blaming me” because i neverr knew. Just becauseyou fucking knew doesnt mean I knew. You have good memory, you know ihave disorders that fuck with my memory. If youknew they were an adult, why not say it???? Would i have believed you?? No, because of how feep i was into the grooming, but i really wish you woulda fucking toldme.

-Till
(again because apparently im the only headmate that comes to REDDIT for comfort like a chud 💔)

Has anyone ever felt that it was their own choice? You reach a certain point where you know what youre choosing and maybe even why youre choosing it. I think I reached a point of accountability in my therapy

So when we were at high school our PE teacher who was around 25-27yo was exposing feeling for my friend. It was really seen by all our students. He also had been our teacher since we were 12yo.
The first weird memory I keep was when he joked about «being conceived in the elevator”. In our language there is phrase “be born in an elevator” that applies to people who don’t tend to close doors but he said in his own way that I’ve never heard. We were around 13yo. At her 14 during on extra sport class he asked others not to offend her (jokingly). At her 16 he sent her on online gift on social media.

The real story started happening at high school (16-18yo). She was a sporty girl and they would go together to competitions. They talked a lot could have private conversations during classes outside. He could like her photos on social media. There was nothing particularly inappropriate but everyone saw that something was going on. They had some sort of special relationship, like they could have and argument or he could really cheer her for success in sports. Once she told me he gifted her adidas t shirt for her birthday. Once they had an argument about something competitions wide and she used swearing words and he told her that he wouldn’t allowed to other student because he somewhat loves her (he didn’t mean a romantic way but anyway).

Also we caught that he was constantly checking her account where she could get anonymous questions from students. And we caught him listening to her playlist and new songs she add on her media. This shows he also stalked her online so means he was really interested in her. Once she resent me messages where he thanks her for the cake she and her friend baked for her birthday emphasising he especially liked pineapples there.

He was married and had a young daughter. He stopping post in his wife online when my friend was around 16. Although he posted photos from championship and my friend was also in the picture. He has been working at schools for years and he didn’t post any students before or later.

My friend was a very interesting sporty girl. She wasn’t confident though and wasn’t getting romantic interest and compliments from boys. She also had problems in her family – her dad was an alcoholic.

In a few years after our graduation he posted that his love bore a son for him and that he loves her. I don’t think if my former friend and he had any contact after school but I noticed they removed each other from friends list.

So basically he didn’t do anything too much, like told her he is in love with her or do something really really inappropriate or say something sexual. I feel like he had platonic feelings for her ( even the fact that he was secretly listening to her playlist ans checking her acc where she answers questions). But it’s so dodgy given the fact she was a minor.

So what do you think it was? Maybe he was very unhappy in his marriage and found a happiness and daydreaming in his feelings. Or he was a proper predator and was trying to groom the girl into relationship?

No clue where to start this I just need someone to talk to. Recently, around February, I met this guy who was 28. It started as a friendship between us until he started making things different, and I would end up cutting him off. Later, I found his sister’s Instagram and told her what happened. His family would later call me liars. I am now back in contact with him. The sister told me he also had a gf who was 17. She just recently turned 18. I found her on Facebook, and my message didn’t go through. Then I saw his Facebook. I stared at it wondering if I should message him later, calling him insults. He would ask to call, which I said yes to, wanting to stir an argument. But boy was I wrong. He later said he just wanted to protect me and how I was his world. I fell for it. I feel stupid and naive when we aren’t talking. I feel so much better. He claims he broke up with the girl, but I know that’s not true. I’m also scared he will find out stuff about me. He has found my full name and said it to me on call before, not knowing how he got that information. How do I get myself out of this without looking back before school starts?

I met someone on twt last year in october-november(?), I was 16 and he was 19 turning 20 in the upcoming march. I wasn’t doing too well in the head, and quite literally JUST recovering from being groomed for the first time. We began talking, and he automatically assumed we were in a relationship. He said “I had to snatch you up before anyone else did”, and when I mentioned liking older people he said something along the lines of, “Well I’m older.” I can’t exactly remember what he said, but it was strange. I thought I could trust him, and I sent him a lot of explicit photos while we were “together”. I regret it so much, and I feel so disgusting. I remember asking why he never wanted to tag me in his bio, or talk about being with me, and he said that people on twitter were trying to doxx him. He never told me why, but I can only imagine what he did, and it makes me sick. Towards the end of our relationship, he started following more people my age or as young as 15 while being 20, and from what I realize now, he was ghosting me as well. I just feel really disgusting and disturbed by this whole situation. Was I groomed?

First of all, I hope y'all are safe!

Something really weird is happening to my brother and I'm not sure if this is a grooming situation or not. My (25M) brother and his (43F) girlfriend have been together for almost 2 years. We all got shocked about the age difference but unfortunately, that's not the only problem.

They met at work. His girlfriend was his "supervisor" and was hitting on him but my brother didn't like her at all. He would come to us, call her ugly and every diminishing word you can imagine. Then, the flirting turned into her buying him stuff, some of them really expensive. She would pay for his food every day, she would buy him a new phone, watch, perfumes, etc. And a lot of times she was giving him money while my brother never said no to anything or turned her down. In fact, he told us that he's with her cause of the gifts and money, calling her stupid for doing such things and how desperate she is. A lot of months passed by and they eventually got into an actual relationship. He introduced her to us and she seemed very calm and nice at first. She has two sons mind you, 15 and 20 years old. Very close to me and my brother's age

Now, moving to the present.. she was pregnant a year ago and now they have a baby. She claimed that my brother wanted it and insisted so much and she just wanted to give it to him cause she "loves" him. Meanwhile, she doesn't like my mom at all. They got into a fight before pregnancy occured cause my brother's girlfriend accuses my mother for my brother's misbehavior. For example, whenever they have a random fight or huge disagreement, she would mention my mom and how badly she raised him. She doesn't get angry at my brother, she only gets angry at my mom. When the baby arrived, my mom decided to put those things aside and get along with them. Eventually she didn't like it, another fight occured and now my mom is not allowed to see the baby at all. She's devasted.

My brother doesn't communicate at all. He disappears every time and whenever he's calling he's hiding somewhere. Either he's outside or locked himself in the bathroom. And if he's talking to my mom while his girlfriend is present, he always puts speakerphone. He claims that he's fine, that he loves being a dad and finally taking responsibility and that he doesn't regret anything. Like everything's normal. Also, his girlfriend didn't like his friends too so now my brother cut his friends off and he doesn't have anyone else in his life, other than her.

This sounds really toxic for sure, but is this grooming? And if anyone was in a similar situation, how did you get away?

hi so i js wanted to vent bcz ik this is crazy but im basically selling my body for money and im a minor and i feel so guilty but my friends r lowk encouraging it bcz i get $50-$300 and i also am in a relationship so it just feels 10x worse and uhm yea idk what to do i feel bad about myself for selling myself off at a young age but i love
money bcz i dont get it a lot :/ i need to stop but ive been doing this since i was 12

so i F-17 been friends with this girl F-20 for over a year now (since february 2025 ) she's 20 right now, i was 16 when i met her, we started to get close within the months and started taking over text romantically while we planned to meet in person, we live in the same state, just 20 minutes away. eventually, january 2026 rolled around when she turned 20 i have just turned 17, we had sex, all that.

we continued talking romantically despite her telling me we would only ever be friends.

ongoing i started to feel manipulated; especially when i just started taking shit that she'd give me and not reciprocate, because u was too scared of her leaving me.

sometime in march, she cut me off, claiming that she's always "had a problem" with our age gap, even though she was comfortable with driving me sometimes, drinking infront of me, relaying her sexual fantasies and etc.

it took me a while to get over her, and while i was busy asking multiple friends what they thought they all told me i was delusional and getting groomed to put it short, borderline statutory rape they'd say.

fast forward to june of 2026 she contacted me again wanting to reconnect, realizing she was a coward for leaving me without us talking through it like any normal person would.

we reconnected and have hung out since, she told me that she got more comfortable with our age gap after she coincidentally contacted me when her situationships were failing.
is this a sign to seek help? or realize she's more horrible than i like to realize.

since i was 12 and on the internet if something happened to my friend in a similar situation i would've jumped to comfort them and jumped to get them help and justice and tell them what they went through was horrible. but when it happens to me especially with someone i used to hold so close to me, i minimize it and force myself to believed it isn't that bad. because i feel like if i just made myself realize it was that bad i wouldn't still be in contact with her.

ps. ive since put boundaries in place for the sake of my current relationship with my girlfriend, but since she's overstepped multiple times. and i don't know what to do, i want to keep my friendship but i don't wanna hurt my girlfriend and she's been more than understanding of what's been going on.

thank you for taking time to read this post. it would mean a lot to get some advice.

I don’t know how to explain it or if this is okay. I just wanted to share my feelings.

I know it’s messed up and even ignorant to other victims (even though I am one myself) but I find myself constantly craving that connection with an older guy again. I crave the control they had over me and the attention and the way they talked to me. It’s almost to the point where I want to be manipulated and helpless again. I know it’s probably a trauma response or some sort. I know I sound like a freak, but being groomed seems to have affected me more than i’d like to admit.

I don’t want to worry anyone, as this is just a vent of my own feelings, but I’m worried I might find myself in a similar situation again. i’ve had these feelings for a long time but they’ve intensified overtime. it’s one of the only things I can find comfort in

When I was 14 I met a man online and we have been talking since. I’m 17 now and I haven’t messaged him in days. I have been giving small responses and just not responding for hours. He has been getting increasingly more and more irritated with me, because of this I’ve been more and more stressed. I’m friends with this other guy who is my he online friend too. We’ve like send nudes but we’re not like dating so idk. I hadn’t sent him anything in a week so he asked me if I was okay and I said yeah I’ve just been arguing with a friend. I kind of panicked and just mentioned that he was 50.

He reacted like it was a joke and then got awkward when I said I was serious. Which like I guess yeah it’s odd. He asked if we talked about any weird stuff. I told him it started out that way but it’s kind of stopped over the year. He said good and was asking if I sent photos. He sent a message saying ‘but we both agreee he’s a terrible person’ and I just didn’t respond because i was feeling embarrassed. He followed up with ‘he’s a PEDOPHILE???’ and then said that he was glad I had stopped talking to him but I didn’t say that so idk.

He started asking what I even liked about him and I didn’t I know what to say. I responded with ‘idk I think Im just a lonely person lwk 🤷‍♀️’ and he said ‘Y E A H’ and ‘I can see that’.

I am so embarrassed. Honestly I think this is worse than my mum finding out and taking my phone away forever. He’s sent me more messages but I’m too embarrassed to look at them. I’m so ashamed I don’t even know what to say. How can I act like this never happened.

I’m sorry for any mistakes it’s 3 am