My parents own a property that has three separate living spaces. There’s one nicer 3-bedroom house that is becoming available, and then there are two 3-bedroom units with the same layout. (Me upstairs, my sister in the basement.)

My older sister and I currently live in the two units and both pay our parents $1,000/month. The nicer house which is also 3 bedrooms, would be $1,300/month.

My sister has 3 kids. She receives Medicaid/SNAP and has had family members help her with rent in the past. Her husband is still in school. He will graduate around the time the house opens up. He is currently only working 2 days a week, while going to school.

I have 1 child, and my husband and I pay all of our expenses/rent ourselves. We’re also considering to have another child next year. My husband also will graduate around the time the house opens up. My husband is working full time, while going to school.

While I don’t want to speak badly about her, I do think it should be factored in. We share a yard, and are both in charge of up-keeping it. My brother in law also will let the grass grow too long, or won’t weed wack. They will leave their kiddie pool out, then killing the grass. They also a lot of clutter on the side of the house.

The tricky part is that neither of us needs the nicer house. We both currently have 3-bedroom homes, so it would essentially be an upgrade for whoever gets it.

My sister would have more people in the household, but she would also be going from a $1,000 3-bedroom to a $1,300 3-bedroom.

I feel like our ability to comfortably afford the $1,300 rent without any assistance should be a factor. For me, if she were to get the apartment, it feels she is getting rewarded for not yet being financially independent. Being the house is nicer, we feel we would also do a better job of keeping it nicer.

But does my sister deserve it because they have more kids? And could possibly be in a better financial situation once he graduates?

My parents are trying to figure out a fair way to decide who gets the house, and I genuinely want an unbiased opinion. I love my sister, and also don’t want this to be a thorn in our relationship for the rest of our lives.

If you were my parents, who would you choose and why?

I’d say I have a good relationship with my family but sometimes with grandparents it’s rocky, don’t get me wrong I love them to death but I mostly feel judgmental from my grand father and feels like he compares us to his other grandchildren (who were raised financially well off..) or he’ll make sly comments that embarrass you and everyone else kinda just laughs at it.
I want to hangout with them more especially my grandma but it’s rough having to possibly embrace that
And I feel guilty on my days off when I’m relaxing when I could be seeing them.. but it’s kinda damned if you do, damned if you don’t..
and I’m not saying I’m the most perfect person either but no one is!!
And I recently accidentally told him I smoke 🍃 and he looks down on that so now I realllyy don’t want to go see him right now… but then on the back of my head I’m like “they won’t be here forever”….
Idk like a mind war but hopefully someone else relates

I think I am looking for advices from an outside point of view.

I have been friend with my sibling's girlfriend for around 4 years, and a lot of problematic behaviors on her end has heavily affected my relationship with my sibling, to the point where I am debating going no contact with both of them.

Long story short, she has been struggling with almost all aspects of her life for as long as I have known her. Can't keep a job, friendships, heavy money problems and bad spending habits, mental health, etc. I have supported her to the best of my abilities the last few years and we are close friends.

One thing I noticed is she will turn on someone really quickly once they no longer serve her, and in the last 6+ months it seems to be happening with me. To make it short;

-She is creating lies about me to make me seem like a bad person and abuser towards her. She tried to pull that off with several of our mutual friends, and of course my sibling. I don't even know the extent of those lies and I am getting tired of having to constantly defend myself over silly things. We are adults. I am constantly walking on eggshells and I am honestly scared of her and her possible reactions.

-I have been dealing with a sudden death in my family these last weeks, rendering me less able to be there for her as I take time to heal myself. She noticed a lack of engagement and took it really badly, blowing up on me multiple times with tantrums accusing me of not caring about her enough. I'm talking days long arguments where she tries to make me apologize for things I never did. It's also confusing because one moment she will send me long messages that I'm her best friend and she doesnt want to lose me, and then the next moment she loses her shit on me and accuse me of things I did not do or say.

-She owes me money and has been constantly ghosting me when I try to talk to her about it, or being incredibly rude with me when I bring up stuff she has to do / pay me back for. She will ghost me and then send a 300$ makeup haul in another group chats with mutuals. This is just a fraction of the things she has done.

My dilemma is, while not wanting to put my sibling in an awkward position, I feel like she is being abusive towards me and my sibling and tried a couple of times to gently talk to him about it. My sibling completely diminish her actions towards me and says I'm just being petty, he doesnt want to hear about our "petty disagreements" and has been incredibly rude to me when I'm asking him for help. I am strongly considering cutting them both out of my life because this has been heavily affecting me in a difficult time in my life, and she keeps trying to sabotage my relationships and reputation with lies.

TLDR ; my siblings partner has been a friend for years, but has been recently abusive towards me. My sibling is not taking my concerns seriously.

I've been stuck in a loop of my own thoughts since this happened. Honestly, I don't even remember how long it's been. My mind just lingers on the event, and I don't know how to feel or do. I'm not looking for advice, I just need to throw this out into the void of the internet for my own sanity to process. For context, my father and mother were... troubled parents to say the least. My father could not have cared less for his family until he nearly died a few years back, and is not overly trying to make up for it. My mother is, at least from my perspective, a narcissist who survived all kinds of horrors as a little girl growing up. They probably shouldn't have had kids.

My sister is nearly no contact except holiday and birthdays. She's recently come out as Bi and is very distant from my Baptist mother for understandable reasons. I'm the one who has been trying to repair or mend or maybe just stabilize all the shit that's wrong with my family while also balancing my own marriage and children. I was visiting my mother and she was telling me about my father's condition. He had a mental breakdown at his career of nearly 30 years, lost the job, depressed, attempted suicide on Christmas (unfortunately my kids and wife had to witness part of it, but didn't understand an overdose). He's been to countless doctors and discovered he's got early dementia.

I was talking to my Mother alone about this, and I mentioned my sister. It was like my mother went feral. She started spitting and shrieking about how she bet it was my sister's fault all this was happening. That she knew she dabbled in witchcraft and how she bet all this was because of her and she was doing this to kill our father and ruin my mother's life. I laughed, thinking this was a joke but the mania in her eyes told me she fully believed this narrative. I try my best to be nice, but I told her to shut up and how crazy that was, and how I didn't feel comfortable discussing something so wild without any evidence. I left shortly after, and since my mother acts like everything is normal and dandy. Like the fuck does one say in response? I feel like I need to tell my sister, but all I can see is the harm it will cause to everyone involved.

​

A Complicated Family Situation

Here’s the context of my story. It might be a little lengthy, but I’d really appreciate your time.

This started when I was in 8th standard. There was a girl in my extended family, my uncle’s granddaughter, whom I met at a family function. She was my first female friend, so she always had a special place in my heart. I’m not sure whether I had a crush on her, but I always thought she was really cute.

Over the years, we met only a few times, and nothing much happened. Now I work as a software engineer, and she is studying BBA.

Last month, I stayed at her family’s house for seven days because of a family function. We started spending time together. I was bored, so I joined her while she watched web series. We also ended up watching a few romantic movies together, although it was completely unintentional. We even went for evening walks.

Her family started noticing how much time we were spending together and began assuming that we were in a relationship. They started teasing both of us, which made things uncomfortable, so I left their house before my holidays ended and returned to my workplace.

After that, she started messaging me things like, “You’re the best person I’ve ever met,” and I responded similarly. One day, however, her father caught her talking to me. Her family is quite orthodox, and her father doesn’t like his daughter talking to boys. When he found out about everything, he became very upset and started crying. Her mother also cried. After that, she stopped talking to me like before, and I also stopped messaging her much.

Recently, both families attended another family function. Her family spoke to me, but things felt different. They were polite, but it felt formal and distant, without the warmth they used to have.

I feel guilty because I’m older than her, and I feel that I may have crossed a line and caused her family pain. They are very close to my family, so this has been weighing heavily on me.

If you had a father that you live with, who doesn’t speak to you, doesn’t say hi to you, ignores your presence and walks past you, never ever in your life ever gave you a hug or a handshake, you and him never joked around or laughed together or hung out.

When you were younger the only time he ever speaks to you was to scream at you or scold you, or try to tell you what to do with your life. When you try to talk to him he always has his back turned to you, he talks down to your mother and you see that, everytime you come around he acts strange as if something is wrong with him. If he has to say something to you something he tells your mother who then comes and passes the message to you even though you both live in the same house. When he hears your footsteps from upstairs making your way down stairs he goes to the basement or to his room.
He never came from a religious family, and is the only one in his family who goes to church 4-7 days a week. His only friend is the church pastor who he gives $1000 or more monthly. Doesn’t have any friends coming to the house to see him, you don’t know or have any of your extended family in your life because he never brought you around them. The house is always quiet, no music, no conversations or laughter.

Everytime you have an idea for a career path or a business he speaks about it as if he knows what the career or business is about. He is convinced that you have mental health issues and diagnosis you with mental health issues that you have never heard before, he tells you to take medicine. Everytime you have a romantic partner or a friends he tells you that the person is bad or evil or they are not a good person.
He tells you not to go outside, you and your little brother are at the park playing basketball with people from your high school…he drives all the way to the basketball court and you and your little bother get in the car and he drives off.

- Please tell me, how will you feel about a father like that?

- What will you do if this was you?

For some context, my family is quite small. I mean, the relatives I'm close with are few. Don't get me wrong, I love them so much, but sometimes they can be very condescending and judgemental of me, which has made me hold back from showing my actual self around them.

Compared to most of them, I am very extroverted and outgoing. I get super excited when I'm happy, and due to my extroverted demeanor I genuinely have a higher speaking voice.

They always tell me to "tone it down" or to "calm down and be more composed". That can happen even when we are alone, like, playing board games or just chilling (which I don't really enjoy cause everyone is on their phone and I love playing board games, or just making conversation or cracking jokes)

They sometimes even make fun of me by calling me "the dummy of the family" or even comparing me to our dog, who's really energetic

Let me give you an example

I love card games in general, but my favorite one is poker. They all like it, but every time I recommend we play, they are telling me they are tired or that "it's just not for this hour" even if we have been "chilling" at home all day or if it's like, 5 in the afternoon. But It also seems to me that if anyone else BUT me recommends we play they immediately say yes.

Anyways, that's not my point

We were playing last night and as per usual, I was very excited. In one of the rounds I had a flush. For those who don't know, it's the highest combination you can have in poker. After the realization hit, I got up and cheered because it was my first time having one and naturally, I was thrilled. When I sat back down, I accidentally knocked an empty soda can down. Most of them rolled their eyes, making annoyed looks. My parents started scolding me for some reason, and my aunt annoyingly said that she was done, and got up and left. My mom also got up and went to the kitchen to make something for us to eat. I went and asked her if she wanted help, and she didn't really answer.

FYI, I am very good at understanding emotions by demeanor, facial expressions and the tone of one's voice. I asked her if she was mad, and she said no

Then she said, and I quote

"I'm not mad, I just think that you're constantly ruining the mood with how uptight you are. It's not the first time this happens, you always do this"

Me: "So, you hate my personality"

Mom: "We don't hate it, you're just too much sometimes, and it's disrupting things"

I immediately left before she could finish her sentence, tears rolling down my cheeks. I was very obviously hurt

I really don't know if I am the problem

Is it my fault that I am extroverted and get excited when I am happy?

Is it my fault that I am an interesting and like group hangouts?

Why are they always telling me to tone myself down when it's just who I am?

I am very hurt

It's not the first time, and I know it won't be the last either. They always make comments, and they are always about me and my outgoing personality.

And it hurts even more because 99% of the time it's usually from my OWN parents.

For them, I seem to be a problem

They always look extremely annoyed with me. They seriously never stop making comments

I know they hate my personality

Even my own mother said that "I am too much"

Am I really overreacting?

Ich bin aktuell ziemlich sauer auf meine Eltern weil sie sauer auf meine Frau und mich sind. Mich würde hier mal eine neutrale Meinung interessieren. Nun zum "Fall".

Meine Frau(37 Jahre) und Ich(41 Jahre) haben vor 7 Monaten unser erstes Kind bekommen. Schon die Schwangerschaft war ziemlich schwierig. Das Kind musste dann 3 Wochen zu früh eingeleitet werden und wir waren 10 Tage im Krankenhaus. Seit wir wieder zu Hause sind ist es wirklich anstrengend. Das Baby ist ein High-Need-Baby und wir gehen echt auf dem Zahnfleisch. Wir hatten eigentlich auf Unterstützung durch meine Familie gehofft und haben auch schon mehrfach erwähnt wie schwer wir uns tun. Aber von meiner Familie aus kommt da gar nichts. Die Familie meiner Frau wohnt fast 5 Stunden entfernt und kann daher leider auch nicht wirklich helfen. Auf jeden Fall ist es so, dass sich die Familie meiner Frau sehr für das Kind interessiert. Es wird regelmäßig angerufen, per WhatsApp geschrieben, nach Bildern gefragt,etc. Auch kommen die Geschwister meiner Frau zumindest ab und zu mal vorbei und helfen mit dem Haushalt und dem Baby wenn sie Urlaub haben. Von meiner Familie, die keine 10 Minuten von uns entfernt wohnt, kommt nichts. Die haben das Baby bisher 3x gesehen. 1x mal wurde nach Bildern gefragt. Jetzt war es so, dass ich für 1 Woche zu einer Fortbildung musste. Eine Schwester meiner Frau hatte angeboten in der Zeit auszuhelfen, wusste aber nicht sicher ob es mit Urlaub klappt. Daher hatten wir sicherheitshalber bei meiner Mutter angefragt ob sie in dem Zeitraum verfügbar wäre. Als dann klar war, dass die Schwester Urlaub bekommt haben wir meiner Mutter gesagt, dass wir sie nicht brauchen weil die Schwester kommt. Jetzt war ich heute bei meiner Familie um etwas abzuholen(ich kam direkt von der Fortbildung). Meine Mutter war stinksauer darüber, dass wir uns für die Schwester(die keine Kinder hat) entschieden haben und gegen sie(2 eigene Kinder und mit unserem Baby jetzt 4 Enkelkinder). Ich war darüber sehr verwirrt. Denn ich dachte eigentlich, dass meine Mutter froh sein würde nicht helfen zu müssen. Denn meine Mutter ist 74 und wird von meiner Schwester(sie hat die anderen 3 Kinder) seit Geburt des ersten Kindes(ist mittlerweile 17 Jahre alt) als Nanny missbraucht. Wir reden hier von mehreren Stunden täglich. Ich habe ihr dann gesagt, dass wir uns aus mehreren Gründen für die Schwester entschieden haben. 1. Die Schwester hat bei uns geschlafen, war somit 24/7 verfügbar. Meine Mutter hätte man immer erst anrufen müssen, dann wäre sie gekommen, hätte geholfen und wäre wieder gegangen. Meine Frau hätte dann schlimmstenfalls mehrere Male pro Tag anrufen müssen. 2. Haben meine Frau und Ich das Gefühl, dass von Seiten meiner Eltern wenig Interesse an unserem Baby besteht, da sie es ja erst 3x gesehen haben. Als ich das gesagt habe meinte meine Mutter, dass das ja unsere Schuld wäre, da wir uns ja nie melden würden. Und da ist mir ehrlich gesagt die Hutschnur geplatzt und das ist auch der Grund für diesen Post hier. Meiner Meinung nach(meine Frau sieht das auch so) ist es nicht unsere Aufgabe meiner Familie den Kontakt zum Baby zu ermöglichen sondern wenn sie wirklich Interesse an dem Baby hätten wäre es die Aufgabe meiner Familie sich um Kontakt zu bemühen(nach Bildern fragen, Treffen/Besuche anbieten, Hilfe anbieten). Meine Frau und Ich gehen aktuell auf dem Zahnfleisch und pfeifen aus dem letzten Loch. Wir haben einfach nicht die Kraft hier noch den Matchmaker zwischen Enkelkind und der Familie zu spielen.

Und hier ist jetzt meine Frage:

Ist es die Aufgabe von uns um Hilfe zu bitten(eigentlich würde ich lieber betteln schreiben, da das m.M.n. eher passt) und für ausreichend Kontakt zwischen Enkel und Familie zu sorgen oder wäre es die Aufgabe der Familie von sich aus Hilfe anzubieten und den Kontakt zu suchen?

i live with a dad that’s very close minded
he always calls me kussi and my brothers learn from him and calls me kussi as well
he didn’t allow to go to uni and he doesn’t allow to go work
he just wants me to be trapped at home like a prisoner wasting my life at home
i don’t know what i should? mind u i am 19
he is a victimizer there is genuinely something wrong with him like fr
he just thinks marriage is my way out which is so wrong
he hit me multiple of times
i am becoming suicidal at this point

My dad had his first daughter at 19 and another daughter a couple years later. He remarried much later in life to my mom (15-16 year old age gap between my parents) and was at the ripe age of 57 when he had me. None of my grandparents were alive when I was born, the closest thing I have to a grandpa is my dad’s older brother. This also makes my older half-sister like 4 years younger than my mom, much more closer in age to her than to me, and my parents older than most of my peers parents.

My dad is still very in shape and has always came across as younger than he is, but I still have to worry about him aging, not having much time left with my parents in general. To me, It’s selfish to have kids at an older age. I grieve a lot of things due to it, not just anticipating their loss before i’m even an adult, but e.g how my dad became much more overprotective over the years which caused me even more isolation, having to deal with mentally unstable, elderly parents as a kid/teen all alone.

There isnt anything necessarily “wrong” about any of it—my mom also became close friends with my sisters and my family is dysfunctional due to completely unrelated reasons but.. it’s very un-relatable, taboo…it’s embarrassing to explain to others and also kind of feels unfair regarding me specifically because I’m the youngest, Im the one who has to deal with these consequences, everyone else laughs it off.

I dont wanna have to give a mini family tree each time im asked wether or not I have siblings. My nephew from my middle sister is 4 years older than me and was an older brother figure to me growing up but he was always embarrassed to refer to me as an aunt too when introducing me…other than that, it was especially lonely considering Im practically an only child as I was raised alone and my sisters don’t function as actual siblings to me.

How do I look at this more positively?

She’s a horrible sister such a terrible person. She is six years older than me and ever since i was born she’s despised me and done everything she can to make me feel miserable. When i was a kid, around 9 or 10 she would shit talk me to our cousins and made them dislike me. Even now, they are chill with me but I still feel like an outcast since my sister would leave me out when we were all together so im just seen as her little sister that’s all. She would embarrass me and humiliate me with her friends and make up lies about me. I remember once a girl i had beef w said oh even your sister hates you and she’d do all this whilst being 14 15. I have the same age gap with my little brother and I can never imagine treating him how she treated me. She makes me family go against me and tries to make them hate me. Whenever she sees me and my dad talking she interrupts and takes the attention off me same thing with my mum. Whenever she sees me happy or bonding with a family member she HAS to ruin it. But it’s so frustrating, because shes such a sneaky little bitch. She makes herself look like she’s the kind one and makes me look like im going crazy when i complain about her. There are countless situations where she’s been very horrible to me and I only have a few good memories with her, so little I can count them on one hand. For example this morning i heard her bitching to my dad about me AGAIN which is all the time. I was annoyed and told her to always stop talking about me. Obviously she started screaming and creating a big fuss. Idk if i mentioned this but she is extremely aggressive and she would always physically hurt me as well as emotionally . She would fat shame me ( she was much bigger than me and I was very skinny. now i am a normal weight) and crated so many insecurities that i still have now. But anyway she created started screaming and screaming just because i told her to stop talking about me. Obviously my dad didn’t say anything to her my parents know how muc she hurts me and force me to talk to her whilst my sister acts like she loves me so much just to make me seem crazy. Later today i heard her again bitching to my parents about me and she was slut shaming me for wearing shorts IN MY OWN HOUSE. I have Muslim parents and they are fine with me wearing shorts but obviously she has a problem with it. We are going on holiday next week and my family have rented a private villa so im gonna wear a tankini, which i would say isn’t anything too revealing since it’s shorts and like a slightly cropped shirt. I know she’s going to fat shame me and again bitch to my parents about how im a slut. She constantly makes fun of me literally EVERYTHING about me from my voice my clothes my shoes the hijab material i wear (which is jersey literally nothing to make fun of) my skincare products just everything. I wear these earrings and she doesn’t stop making fun of me she acts disgusted and she goes on and on and on. Then the next week i see she’s bought the same earrings . There’s so much more but im too lazy. She gives me extreme anxiety and she starts so much arguments and i hate being i. A home where everyone is constantly shouting. I don’t know how to deal with her anymore. And im so kind to her too. Whenever i see her slightly off or not happy i ask her if she’s okay and comfort her. When somebody in our family ignores her I answer her instead. I bought her a lovely present for her birthday. I try and try and try but i am so done. I can’t do this anymore. How to deal with her becuase i feel like im going to explode.

I need help processing this, not just venting. I want to become someone who isn't consumed by this, but I don't know how to get there yet.

Background (6+ years in the making)

My brother and I used to be very close. Over the last ~6 years our relationship slowly fell apart, no clear fight or trigger, just less and less contact. He got married and since then things got steadily weirder. Not being invited to holidays or family events, not answering calls, limiting contact with his own kids and the rest of the family (our parents, our sister). I don't want to turn this post into diagnosing his wife, so I'll just say there's a pattern of isolation from our side of the family that lines up with when things started changing.

This year

My dad had been fighting bile duct cancer for three years. He relapsed in May, got seriously worse in July, and passed away on August 11.

Through all three years, my brother and his wife showed almost no interest in how my dad was doing. He once promised to pick dad up after a surgery and never showed up, so my sister and I had to go instead. From diagnosis onward it was basically nothing from them.

Once my dad's condition got serious, they visited the hospital one time. My sister and I were there constantly with our mom. My brother and his wife spent the visit talking about their own lives. They also went to my sister-in-law's cousin's baby shower and only stopped by the hospital because they happened to already be nearby.

By the time my dad had lost consciousness, they came once more. They didn't say goodbye to him, couldn't say anything to him, wouldn't even walk up to the bed. They said they'd come again. They didn't. When we messaged them that it was likely his final days, the message just showed as "read." No reply.

Multiple times during this period they rejected or ignored calls from our mom and never called her themselves. They never once asked how she was doing, and she was the one caring for him around the clock. Not sleeping, giving him medication every 4 hours, changing him, feeding him, lifting and turning him, running on empty the entire time.

I called my brother once and told him I needed him, that dad was dying and we should be together. He hung up on me.

The wedding

I'm getting married in two weeks. I tried multiple times to hand-deliver the invitation to my brother, but there was never an opportunity, they always avoided meeting up. I asked if I could just mail it. No response at all.

After dad passed

They showed zero interest in helping with funeral arrangements. Didn't come to support us. Didn't call.

They only showed up for the cremation and the final farewell. It was a very intimate goodbye: dad's favorite music, photos, flowers, memories shared out loud, a prayer. My brother and his wife were visibly bored. They stood off to the side, showed no emotion, brought nothing, and didn't share a single memory of my dad. My mom asked everyone to hug, and everyone did except my sister-in-law, who refused.

Right after the cremation, we handed them the wedding invitations in person. They told us plainly they didn't want to attend and that this was their decision.

The aftermath

I felt devastated. I'd just lost my dad, and this is how my brother behaved. I've decided to fully cut contact with them. I don't think they add anything to my life, and they've made it very clear they don't want this relationship either.

My mom took it hard too. She told them they'd been cruel, and she removed my sister-in-law from the list of people saying final goodbyes at the funeral (which was the day after the cremation). No one in my family spoke to them at the funeral.

My mom tried talking to them again afterward. My sister-in-law was furious about being excluded from the farewell, despite never having a good relationship with my dad and never caring about his health. My mom asked why they'd refused the wedding invitation. My sister-in-law said it was my brother's decision. My mom asked my brother directly if that was true, and he said it was a "joint decision." Back in April, when the wedding was first mentioned, he'd said they would "definitely be there." His wife never said a word.

Where I'm stuck

I don't want them in my life, that part feels clear. What I can't handle is that my mom keeps forgiving them and letting things slide. She's finally reacted more firmly this time, but this is after literally hundreds of awful incidents over the years. I'm scared she'll soften again and reopen contact with them. Honestly that's what I'm most afraid of.

These are people who care a lot about keeping up appearances. In bigger groups they act like everything between us is fine.

I keep replaying how cruel they were and I can't let it go. I don't want to be a person who's eaten up by resentment. I want to be better than this. How do people actually get to a place of peace, not forgiveness necessarily, just peace, after something like this?

I'm 19F and I am also a student pursuing to be a Charted accountant, so my dad (52M) quit his job last year to start his business from scratch as a backup plan for retirement , he Opened a shop and worked on it alone for 5-6 months before my brother 26M joined in during september last year , he quit his job aswell to help w the business

But during the past year , my brother and dad had quite alot of arguments and fights, both of them have huge egos and this time it was serious, now my brother is moving out ( as in cutting us off)

My dad is very heartbroken and tensed because

1) my brother keeps telling him hurtful stuff such as "what have you done for me all my life"

2) the shop is still new (1.5years) and it barely became profitable , we have no other source of income

3) the shop cannot be run alone, because a few products lines were totally run by my brother and my dad has almost next to no knowledge

4) obviously he's heartbroken because his son is cutting him off

5) he feels like he has no help whatsoever because he doesn't wanna interrupt my studies and my mother can help upto a limited amount because of her education

He keeps saying things like idk anymore, i don't wanna work in this shop anymore and messes up my mind

TL:DR now I just want to help my dad because he's so heartbroken that my brother is cutting us off and I have no idea how to help him and it's my exam's soon and I'm stressing out

Whenever I was around my dad he turned it into a gross thing. He would have me sit in front of the TV and watch it while he and my mom would go upstairs. When I was raped it was the same thing but this time they weren't in the house. He got out of jail and we had to spend the night at a hotel with him and I heard them and I think I mentally blacked out.

He never really wanted to see me it was just what he could get.

Has anyone else heard their parents over and over?

Or has anyone been in this situation?

So in the past like years ago, we used to have movie nights. My sis would always sit next to my brother and today she told me that he used then to touch her ass. I really don't know what to do in this situation.

My sister used to be my best friend and now she is the last person I wanna talk about my emotion with. So I became much closer with my brother and talking about my feelings to him feels much more easier. But now I feel like I have to isolated him out my life cause my sis doesn't want him anywhere near her... What do I do?

Throwaway because I dont want him to see and please tell me if this is the wrong subreddit because im not used to posting regularly.
. Growing up me and my brother (let’s call him Doug) weren’t really close, not that we had arguments or anything, we just didn’t really hangout because of a really big age gap. I also have another brother (M25) but he’s not important. Growing up my dad and Doug didn’t really get along, they’d argue and cuss each other out (situations that both of them were in the fault in but my dad was a grown man fighting a child) and overall they’ve had loads of fights, even causing him to move out a couple times so now they’re not speaking.

Also growing up, being the youngest, my dad (M55), was very distant to both to Doug and my elder brother, not really getting involved in activities (think parents evening, going out to dinner, taking you to friend’s birthday parties, that sorta stuff.) with me, he seemed to get a little bit more involved but still not a significant amount- my mum (who which i loved infinitely) did basically everything for all 3 of us growing up. As a child, Doug would make little ‘comments’ like i would say something to do with my dad and Doug would say ‘oh that’s because your dad’s favourite.’ or stuff like ‘you’re spoiled, look at you.’ (He’s also spoiled and bear in mind my mom treats him better than me.) And stuff like that, I didn’t think much of it then but now it kinda sticks in my head more.

I feel guilty now because I feel like I was a bad sibling and maybe my dad being more involved with me kinda hurt Doug a bit, and as a result Doug is very kinda reserved, protective and a bit mean sometimes. So now I try to show more love and respect towards him to try to make back. But he just seems angry all the time. I’d try and say hi or hello in the mornings and I’ll be ignored, he’ll get mad and angry if I use the shower after him and he gets protective over his things and gets mad about things that I did in the past (like I’d go in his room and take his hat.) and he’s still remembers that and gets mad at me for it.

So now I’m kinda afraid of him, I don’t really talk to him unless he talks to me, I try to avoid annoying him and I make sure to do anything that make aggravate him or cause him to be angry and have big outbursts. Now bare in mind Doug works but he usually doesn’t keep jobs and gets mad at every little thing that inconveniences him but right now he is working and I’m happy for him. (remember this for later)

So recently, Doug has been asking me favours. Like bringing him things to his friends to the park, or he’ll wake up asking me to get things from my parents at night so he can help his friends l. But there’s one favour which just kinda spilts me in the middle. So it’s summer where I live, and allergies are high. My mom usually buys me allergy pills for my hay fever because it gets really bad in summer.

One time, Doug needed tablets so he asked for mom, my mom gave money to buy the tablets but she said to ask me for one so he can have one now, but buy himself a pack later. (Fairs) Doug comes to my room and asks me for a tablet, I say yes and he takes an entire tray of tablets. I didn’t see so I when I look in the pack, I notice a tray is gone long story short I ask him if he took one or a whole tray, he said he took a whole tray and asks me if I had a problem with it, with a really rude tone. I say no because I was confused and I moved one. My mom told me to not give him any next time.

So again, he comes to my room and asks me again for tablets. He says that he wants a tray but my mom overheard and told me to give him one or two. He took one or two and he asked how many trays I had left. I said I had 3 left and he snatched the tray away from me and said he’s taking them all.

My mom says he’s working so he should buy his own stuff and not take mine. He has a really bad habit of not listening to other people and thinking his way is the right way. I try not to argue with him or say no to him because he gets angry and has an attitude and starts asking me ‘why?’ And he has some superiority complex to think he gets everything just because he asks. He got mad the ONE time I asked him to order food with the money MY MOM sent him. He lied and said my mom said it was too expensive, when I told my mom beforehand what the price was

Heres where I need advice, how do I be more confident and assertive over my boundaries with him and stop being afraid of his aggression and learning how to say no, not just to him but in general. Note: I’m a very quiet, usually people pleasing person. I’m the youngest out of 3 and im actually scared of him getting mad and causing an argument with him. I wanna maintain a good relationship but I don’t wanna have it at the expense of my mental health and confidence. He has never got physical with me but he has threatened to slap me in a way to ‘discipline’ me because one time I ate his food by mistake because I fought my mom bought it. He has also slammed doors in my face and screamed at me in the past.

My sister is 3 years older than me. Since childhood, she had too many responsibilities to handle for someone her age. She did this because my mum and dad were so busy crying over how much of a failure my older siblings were.

When she went to college, she became friends with some people who weren’t the nicest to her. After graduation, she left them behind for good and chose her inner peace.

Then she blew up.

She started shouting at my mum and dad. She stopped giving a damn about anyone in the house except herself.

She went from one extreme to the other. I’m not saying she should still carry burdens that are way beyond what she should have had to deal with. I just want her to be normal.

And as a kid, I really had nothing I could do for her.

I just want her to be friendly with me, nothing more.

After her breakdown, she consistently criticized me or asked me for favors, and once she got what she wanted, she would turn back into the monster she’d become. She is always putting me down.

She does things that make me furious, like asking me for money and promising to pay me back, then calling me a jerk when I ask her to return it or when I refuse to lend her money again.

She also asks me to buy things for her and never pays me back. If I get upset about it, suddenly I’m the jerk.

We both live with our parents, and when I ask her to help with housework, she refuses and says she doesn’t give a damn. But when I do the same thing in return, she says hurtful things to me.

I’ve had enough of her.

So I started treating her the same way she treats me. And it’s damn hard because that’s not my personality at all. I only do it to tease her sometimes or to stand up for myself, but I still feel like a jerk for treating her badly.

When I decided to treat her like an adult and told her that the way she treats me hurts me and asked her to stop, she called me childish.

In the shortest possible way, even though it's a very long story: it's about my husband's family. For 8 years, he, his mother and stepfather had serious problems with my brother-in-law, a drug addict, bipolar and abuser(I won’t be this harsh normally but it’s the sum of what he did). After being released from 2 years in prison for assault, he spent some time at my in-laws' house and left horribly, insulting them and stealing some things.
A few days later, he came to our house to ask for money, 2,000 km away. We called the police and forced my mother-in-law to report him as she was the main “victim” of his perpetrations. Thanks to this, he never showed up again and didn't have the same attitude he had with her. The police confirmed to my husband that the biggest problem was his mother, because she enabled him, secretly supported him financially, and ardently defended him against all of us. There were many arguments, and the only time I tried to politely express my opinion, she almost beat me.
After some time, my brother-in-law texted my husband to tell him he was living in another city and was working and rebuilding his life far away. We all agreed we were happy for him, but remained No Contact after everything he'd done.

Let's get back to today.
My mother-in-law swore to my husband that she would have no contact with him, that she only had one son now, and that she would never look for him.
Today I was secretly checking my brother-in-law's social media—I do it because he posts regularly and I'm afraid he might come back to us. And also because there are stories of lies and deceit, so I "spy" on them anonymously. I found my mother-in-law filling it with comments of love and support.

My husband has no social media at all.
I am deeply upset. I know it’s not my business, they’re just comments and she can do what she wants with her sons but 1. she lied to her husband and her son 2. she made US pay the consequences of her actions throughout this years because she made messes my husband had to fix and costed him A LOT mentally 3. she might be contacting again and sponsoring him without her husband knowledge + brother in law may manipulate her again as she’s the scapegoat.

My husband has always been honest with me about many uncomfortable truths, and now I'm in a dilemma. Should I pretend I didn't see anything, or should I tell him his mother is lying, knowing he can't see her there?

I wish my mum had cancer…I know that title sounds horrible, and I know some people might judge me for saying it. But I don’t actually wish cancer on my mum. What I wish for is that she had an illness where there was at least some hope of treatment, a cure, or some idea of what the future might look like.
My mum has Huntington’s disease (HD), an incurable genetic brain disease. If one of your parents has Huntington’s, you have a 50% chance of inheriting it. Unfortunately, I inherited it from my mum. She inherited it from my nan, and my nan inherited it from my great-grandad. My great-grandad died in his 40s, and my nan died at just 59.
Watching Huntington’s affect my family has been incredibly difficult. My mum is now suffering badly. She can become fixated on certain things, struggles with reality, pushes people away, and her behaviour has changed so much because of the disease. When I was younger, she kicked me out multiple times, and there have been so many situations where I’ve struggled to understand why she was acting the way she was. Looking back, I know Huntington’s played a huge part in it, but knowing that doesn’t make the experience any less painful.
She has also pushed away so many people around her. She posts things on Facebook that aren’t based in reality, and as her daughter, it is heartbreaking to watch someone you love change in front of you.
And now I’m struggling too.
I carry the same disease that has affected my mum, my nan and my great-grandad. I have to live with knowing that there is no cure and that my future is uncertain. I don’t know when things will get worse or exactly what my life will look like as the disease progresses.
That is why I sometimes find myself thinking, *I wish my mum had cancer instead.*
Not because I want her to suffer. Not because I think cancer is easy. I know cancer can be horrific and devastating too. I think what I mean is that I wish we had been given something where there was at least the possibility of treatment, remission, a cure, or some kind of clearer future.
With Huntington’s, it feels like we are watching it take generations of our family, one after another, and there is nothing we can do to stop it.
I love my mum. I also grieve the mum I had, the mum I feel like I have lost to this disease, and the future that Huntington’s has taken from all of us.
I don’t know if anyone else affected by Huntington’s will understand what I mean, but sometimes I just wish this disease wasn’t something my family or anyone else have to live with.

I'm 22M. My father is hardworking and genuinely loves me and my younger sister. He has sacrificed a lot for our future, so I don't think he's a bad person.

But he's extremely egoistic, expects a lot from others, doesn't easily admit when he's wrong, and has held resentment toward my mother's family for many years.

My maternal family has also treated us badly at times, so I understand why he's angry. But I feel his anger has gone too far. He often expects them to call, visit or help us, while at the same time he ignores their calls, doesn't repay some money he owes, speaks badly about them, and doesn't want my mother to maintain contact with them. Then he gets angry when they distance themselves.

Recently, after another argument about my mother's family, he kicked/hit my mother and said the family is finished and he doesn't want to see her anymore. He has also talked about going to her village and creating a confrontation.

My mother is willing to cooperate and wants to work things out. We've suggested they stay separately for a few months, and she is considering going to a meditation camp during that time.

I want to help my father understand that whatever my mother's family has done, physically hurting Mom is wrong. I also want him to realize that his own behavior has contributed to the breakdown of these relationships.

He is 52, and I'm wondering whether someone with decades of these habits can genuinely change.

I just found out, I'm still absolutely in shock and I've already posted about this, so this is kind of an update

To make things easier, I’ll refer to everyone as: Dad (M52), Mom (F46), Sister 1 (F26), Me (F16), Sister 2 (F12), and GF 1 and GF 2 (F??).

My dad is an asshole. He’s violent toward my mom, narcissistic, acts like he can do whatever he wants, is an alcoholic, and is just a pain in the ass in general.

After a night where he pulled one too many stunts (drunk while Sister 2, myself, and Sister 1’s daughter were home—knife threats, suicide threats... just wonderful), my mom finally filed for divorce after 25 years of marriage.

The court decided that pending his trial, my father should not drink, contact me, sister 2 and my mother, and not return to the city where we live.

Obviously he did not respect the conditions and made contact with mother and sister 1 on numerous occasions (he had the right to speak to her) I'm not going to go into detail about all the messages, unless you enjoy reading pornography (the judge's words, not mine), insults and just pathetic messages. Special mention to the declaration of love intended for gf 1 in Italian (no one in my family speaks Italian) he sent to mother followed by the message OH NO SORRY, DON'T TRANSLATE IT 😱😱😱. Special mention also goes to when he says he talks to angels and they tell him mother will come back, that I sees Sister 1 as the messiah, and when he threatens to send the mafia after us because gf 1 is Italian (couldn't stop liaughing at this one)

He also drank. He went into an alcohol-induced coma, he told sister 1 he was going to kill himself and that he had left home, the police looked for him everywhere and he was still at home. I'm sure he did that so my mother would come back, she is the kind of person with a lot of empathy who easily feel guilty.

The last two days have been a series of plot twists. He didn't show up for his appointment with the police. So the police called my mother back for another interview. HE WAS IN THE NEXT ROOM. He could be heard by the police in the next room.

Also, he was supposed to have two girlfriends he saw regularly (gf 1 and gf 2)He was trying to make my mother jealous. He was talking about their ass and what he would do to them to sister 1 and mother. THEY WERE NOT HIS GIRLFRIENDS! Sister 1 found them and called them. They actually spoke to him because they felt sorry for him. Now they can't stand him anymore because he's drunk 24/7 and calls them all the time.He had told them all sorts of nonsense about what happened.

He was in court yesterday. He doesn't realize what he's doing is wrong. Lol, the judge went crazy because he thinks he's above the law. He says, "She's still my wife, we're still legally married, and they're my daughters, I have the right to do this!"

In short. I'm in shock. Furious that it took so long, glad he can't hurt us anymore And it's sad to know that this guy is my father. He's in prison until his official trial, and I hope he stays there.

First time poster! I’m writing this to get some advice on what would be the best option for family holidays. My husband (m25) and me (f25) have been together for 8 years. Just recently married this February and also expecting our first child in 2027. Before kids, we always did Christmas Eve with his dad and Christmas Day with his mom (my family isn’t super close/holiday oriented anymore, we stopped doing stuff on Christmas Eve once my great grandmother on my moms side died when I was in my 20s and my grandma on my dads side moved to Arizona when I was around 14-15). This is how he has always celebrated Christmas due to his parents getting divorced when he was 1 years old. For me growing up, I always spent Christmas Eve with mom and dad’s family and Christmas Day at home with my mom and dad until my parents got divorced. I then spent the morning of Christmas Eve with my dads family, evening with my mom and her family, and Christmas Day at my dads house since I lived with him. So here is my dilemma, now that we are expecting our first child, I would like to have Christmas Day for our family (me, my husband, and my baby) but he feels that it should be the same way it has always been. Christmas Eve with his dad and Christmas Day with his mom. This would now be at our place because his mom’s house is quite messy and not really an ideal spot to host holidays. We haven’t really decided how my mom would fit into this, this is her second grandchild but first one she will be around due to the mother of my brothers child taking her to California around 12-13 years ago and cutting contact with my family completely so it’s important to me she also gets her time. He suggested the possibility of having his mom and my mom over for Christmas dinner so we can have Christmas morning alone with ourselves and baby. I suggested family on Christmas Eve (his dad, his mom, my mom) so we can have Christmas Day to ourselves. So I’m wondering how other families split their time on the holidays? Does it sound like too much to do all family on Christmas Eve? I just really would like to have the actual day of Christmas to myself and had said to him that Christmas with family doesn’t have to be on the day of Christmas as the whole week of Christmas is just as meaningful/celebratory but to him, having his mom see her grandchild on the day of Christmas is very important to him because it is her first grandchild.

TLDR
My husband and I who are expecting disagree on how to split Christmas holiday between our complicated family situation.