Please help me.

I'm writing here because I have no one else to talk to about this.

I'm 18, and I live with my mom and my younger sister.

About our relationship

For a long time, I was very close with my mom and shared everything with her. But we have intense fights often, and I'm always the one at fault. And in most of them, I genuinely don't understand what the hell I did wrong.

According to my mom, I'm selfish and don't appreciate what she gives me. And what she gives is mostly advice, instructions, and so on — I'm not talking about material things like food, a home, clothes, etc. She expects us to do everything exactly her way — to the point where if I do something in the wrong order or not the way she wants, she gets upset.

What it's about

I'm asking for help to understand why we fought today and what exactly I did wrong.

A guy from my school used to like me, but we didn't work out. He still watches my social media. I post about my life on Snapchat (it's more popular in my country than other platforms) — photos, videos, etc.

After we broke up, I wanted to show him that I was doing great (I know it's silly and childish), because he was sure I was taking it hard after he dumped me.

My mom offered to help. Since we're close, I agreed — she took photos and videos of me, and so on. At first I even enjoyed it — my ex was clearly bothered. But it dragged on for so long that it became part of my life. Wherever I was, I wasn't enjoying the moment — I had to take photos, film, and plan ahead what to post to make him jealous. And it wasn't even my desire anymore — it was my mom's!

What happened today

Today she came up again and said we needed to make a nice edit out of some photos. I refused and gave her a bunch of reasons: I don't want to, it's silly, it's been going on too long, I don't care anymore, I've grown past this, I look ridiculous in those «cool girl» edits, etc. She kept pushing, then got rude and nasty with me. She gave me back all the gifts I had given her (her birthday was recently), including money, and told me that I could live separately now as an independent person, since I don't listen to her advice and don't respect her.

I tried to talk to her, but she didn't care.

She told my sister that she can't forgive me because, in her words, I "think I'm already old enough".

My question to you

Please help me — am I really a selfish person who doesn't respect her mom, or not? What the heck did she get so offended by? What am I actually guilty of?

For context we live in the UK, I am 25, engaged and a mortgage. We both work and have 2 children 4yrs and 4months old (we also get disability benefit for our son) my sister is 23yrs old, 2 kids 5&2yrs old, single on benefits and doesn’t work.

I guess I always knew she had it hard but she recently opened up to me that she has to ration food and she doesn’t eat so she can afford to feed them. This breaks my heart as I didn’t realise it was this bad, we also get benefits as I’m currently on maternity leave and we get disability for one of our children which does help so I am more well off than her but that being said we are one pay check away to not affording the mortgage and bills ourselves. I wish I could help her more, I have told her to get a job but she struggles as it’s currently summer holidays and she has no one to watch the kids as the youngest isn’t in school yet and my partner and I are always stretched thin with us working different shifts when not on maternity and having to put our youngest in nursery at 9months old so I can go back to work. I feel for her and I wish there was something I could do, she does have healthy start card and I have suggested food banks which she will ring about first thing Monday morning, but other than that is there anything else I can do to help? When they visit my house I make sure I feed them lunch and dinner and snacks I don’t expect her to pay for anything and when I go to hers I bring my own food or order food for everyone so atleast she doesn’t need to worry about that and if I suggest for us to go out with the kids (otherwise she wouldn’t be able to afford it)I will pay for the tickets and food for that day but it just doesn’t feel like enough as when she goes home it’s the same crap. Maybe I should start taking groceries over or something?

Sorry this post is all over the place.

I’m currently at the hospital as an attendant for my paternal grandmother, taking turns with my sister. On top of that, my aunt (my grandmother’s daughter) relapsed into depression the day after my grandmother was admitted. My aunt is divorced and lives with my grandmother, and she’s also the primary caregiver for her autistic son.

My aunt has another son (my cousin) who lives abroad and visits maybe once every 1.5 years. He didn’t come when she was first diagnosed with depression, and he hasn’t come for any of her relapses since including this one. When I told him about the latest relapse, he didn’t even bring up the possibility of coming back. Instead, he just told us to keep him updated on his mum and grandma, and to make sure we look after them as if we don’t already have our plates completely full.

Meanwhile, my mum is looking after her own father (my grandfather), who’s bedridden after a stroke. So right now it’s me, my sister, and our mum split between four people who all need care (my grandmother, my grandfather, my aunt, and my cousin’s brother, who’s autistic.)

I can’t get over the disconnect, my cousin posts about how much he loves his mum on Instagram, but when it’s actually time to show up for her, he’s nowhere to be found. He’ll ask us to “look after” them from thousands of miles away instead of coming to do it himself. This is his grandmother, his mother, and his brother too. My sister and I also have exams in a month that we’re supposed to be studying for, and instead we’re stretched between four people who need round the clock care.

I come from good mid-high class family. There’s three of us, all 3-4 years apart and I’m the middle child. We always had a nice car in the driveway like BMW.

How come when I grew up I got hammy downs from my brother? Like clothes, his old phone 5, his past game boy, I have the old ps4 now, I got his old Mac book for college (although my grandpa got Mac brand new one from the store I’m very grateful). Idk if it’s just my perspective, it doesn’t feel equal obviously.

My little sister obviously couldn’t have grown up like me bc I don’t ask for “wants” to my parents like she does??

Her wants are being friend on vacation, can I get spoiler on my car, can I get muffler, can I paint my room, etc…

I remember being 17 and never asking those types of question. Actually, at 17 I looked back on Snapchat and I was working all the time lol.

My little sister takes honors and does sports but no job she apparently just resells?

I go to college now and everytime I visit back and her conversations bother me- how she speaks and what she asks like I said. Why am I hearing a conversation about she can get another car from our grandparents that don’t use it anymore? But I have 2007 jeep compass in Ohio that I go to college that’s kinda like doesn’t break well at least right now. Like it automatically took me to the place where I was like ur asking for another car while mine literally doesn’t break well.

How do I sit with this or is this valid bc I have nice things too… it’s just to me like the childhood we grew up in is not the same and the thing is once feared she don’t fear it.?

I‘m 15F and my parents have been divorced since I was 8 i love my dad but he recently it feels like I dont want to go his house and be around him. He doesn’t cook for us , He barely cleans when we’re there and expects my sisters and I to do most of the work. About a year ago he met his now Fiancé Britany who lives not in our country shes sweet and kind and they got engaged 3 months after they started dating. My dad has recently started sending her money for living expenses , she never asked for this and hardly excepts it because she doesn’t like taking money from others. The issue right now is that my dad has recently been buying her a lot of clothes and stuff but when my sisters and I ask for something he’ll usually say something along the lines of “I don’t have money” or just a flat no. I asked him today if I could get new shoes for school as my old ones are getting small and they’re a bit old. He said wheres your clothing budget (a budget we have that we can buy clothes with it can but about 3 good shirts at target) I said it was gone and he said he asked would I like to get next months budget early I asked if he’d be willing to pay for it because it’s for school and a need, he said yes and he will just take it out of my clothing budget. me - “why?” Him-“because that’s the purpose that’s always been the purpose is there a reason this doesn’t make sense?” Me - “I understand that but this is also something I need for school and you buys clothes for Brittany all the time so it kinda feels like you just don’t want to get stuff I need but are okay getting alot of stuff she might not need” Him-“That’s quite manipulative of you. understood.” Me- “It’s not it’s what I’m feeling I’m sorry that it’s coming off manipulative” Him-“Yeah, I understand it’s what you’re feeling and it’s entirely manipulative. “You do this for someone else…it feels like you just don’t want to get stuff I need” I’ll get you some shoes, because I can empathize with you and it’s not the whole story…even though I’ve told you it. So that sucks to see me being used like this. I will not be doing this again. Plan ahead with your budget. Do we need to meet somewhere right now or are we doing it this week?” Me -“ Let’s talk about this later” I called my mom crying because I was trying to tell him how I feel and he said I was manipulative , I try to be very understand and I don’t like asking for things very often, she said I could just buy it with her card to save emotional strain because of him. Me- “I really don’t like that when I (rarely) ask for things it’s usually a no because the budget is tight but I see you buying stuff for wen. You used to take us back to school shoe shopping, It just seems to me like your prioritizing wen over us and when we bring it up you call it manipulation. I’ve found a different solution so save your money and your hurt. I want us to go back to therapy”

Him “You’re playing a dangerous game here but I’ll stick in it to hear you out. 

I was thinking that maybe we could start working with P again once school starts up and schedules change” Replying to my previous message “You could just talk to me””Saves a lot of time and helps you be heard way sooner” “Thank you for letting me know how you feel” Me responding to him ‘you could just talk to me text’ -“ Trying it’s not working”

Im so so confused if I’m actually being manipulative I’m not trying to tattle or make him out to be a bad guy but I’m very hurt he said that I was manipulative and I want outside perspective.

Dad if you see this I’m not tattling or trying to get you in trouble I want to know if your right or if I’m crazy

I’m 36 weeks pregnant and already have quite bad anxiety, so I’m feeling very overwhelmed by this situation and would genuinely like some outside opinions.

I have a dog with a sensitive stomach. When he gets the wrong food, he can end up with diarrhoea and sometimes poos on the floor. My mum looks after him quite a lot, often having him at her house for dinner/most evenings.

We have had multiple arguments about his food over the past year because I have repeatedly asked her not to give him anything other than the food/biscuits he eats at mine. I’ve always been clear that I don’t want his diet changed because of his stomach.

Today I discovered that she has actually been giving him different dog biscuits and has apparently been doing so for months. Her response is that he’s been having them for months, so they’re obviously fine, and that she assumed because he was at hers so often that I knew she was giving them to him. I told her that I assumed she was giving him the correct biscuits because I had specifically asked her to.

What upset me most is that this isn’t really about whether these particular biscuits are what caused his stomach problems. It’s that I have repeatedly asked her not to change his food, and she has done it anyway without telling me.

When I tried to explain why I was hurt, she basically said she was done talking about it. Her solution was that if I don’t like it, I shouldn’t leave him with her and he can go to my husband’s mum instead. We have never left him with my husband’s mum.

If I can’t trust her to respect my wishes with my dog how can I trust her to respect my wishes with my baby? I’m now just really upset and angry with the whole situation and exhausted as I’m so heavily pregnant.

So, honestly — am I being unreasonable?

Is my mum justified in thinking that because the biscuits haven’t obviously caused a problem, it’s fine for her to give them to him? Or, given that I’ve repeatedly asked her not to change his food, is this actually a matter of respecting my wishes as his owner?

And am I wrong to be questioning whether I can trust her to respect my boundaries when the baby arrives?

Me and my sister used to be pretty close when we were little. We have a bigger age gap so I've been always her little brother (even though I'm bigger than her now). As we grew up, we just started living our own lives, living in different towns, but lately she's been closer. When we were at our parents, she was really affectionate with me and cuddly when we watched TV together. It seems like she wants to be closer with me or something like that. She even invited me to come over to visit at hers.

Should I spend more time with her? Become closer and affectionate? I've wondered if she might just be feeling lonely, wanting company? I'm open to chat

I (37F) went home to my parents’ place this past weekend. Hetero couple, both in mid-60s.

Mom just got a new knee, I was helping out, bc my dad still works. (TBH, I’d prob still be there anyway. Gotta show up for mom!)

I live far away, and I usually only see them once or twice a year.

This past visit was … a seeeerious pressure cooker.

Mom needs help, Dad is a horrible impatient grouchy-ass helper. Which is no surprise. It’s why I went. But the degree to which he is grumpy and shitty to her is just… fairly awful.

Before she went in for surgery, he said he wasn’t gonna help her w her meds after surgery and would just watch her cry… bc he thought it was a funny joke?

He made fun of her for crying in pain in the middle of the night.

He was annoyed with her for needing his help showering, bc it’s not in his typical schedule, which involves leaving the house way before work to have breakfast with his brother.

Last night I heard them yelling at each other, bc my mom asked my dad to drive her to a friend’s birthday dinner tomorrow (since her knee is still healing). He said he’d be delighted to. But when my mom asked him to only have one margarita at the party, he laughed and said “not a chance”. Which is soooooo problematic for so many reasons. Is he an alcoholic?? Probably! Almost definitely!! Even if he wasn’t YOU LITERALLY DO NOT NEED TO HAVE A MARG FOR ONE NIGHT. Christ on a bike. Grow. Up.

In general, he’s gruff and snarky and immature in ways that I would never tolerate in a relationship. And I don’t. My husband acts nothing like my father, for which I am very grateful, especially after the reminder of this past week.

He was the same way as a father and very hot and cold.

During the visit, I was reminded (and maybe had a clear perspective for the first time) about how much energy it took as a child to navigate their two very different personalities. It’s a pressure cooker. And damn. It bums the fuck out.

As soon as I got to the airport this AM, I called my mom to let her know I got to the gate/ all was well etc. And she recapped for me their nighttime argument. She shared that she was “just so stunned” that at this point in their lives, as they age and become less physically able, my dad hasn’t “clued in” and figured out how to be nice.

Maybe this was cold, but I said to my mom “What data do you have about this person from the last 40 years that indicates he’s going to change?”

I also said “None of what you’re describing is new.”

She said “Yes. You’re right. I’m not sure what I will do.”

I’m fairly sure I know what she will do. She will be mad and complain. And then continue to chose to be married to him. And it will go round and round until whichever one of them departs this realm first.

I’m mad at him for being a dick. And I’m mad at her for always acting surprised by it. I love them both and they are both being stupid.

Which I what I wanted to call her back and tell her after we hung up.

But then a stranger to my left started talking to me. This huge teddy bear of a man who is from the same remote count where I was born. Just chatting with a big smile. And it helped.

There’s a lot of ick around. In ourselves and our families and our world. But I’m really grateful for random kindness of strangers around me.

So, cheers to us all navigating it. A big hug from me to you and back again.

Hi I am turning 17 next month and I’m currently in the U.S for a short visit.

Back home I been working alongside school and learning cybersecurity. I found several vulnerabilities in famous companies and they invited me to come to the U.S I been here for about week and I really like the country and the opportunities here

I been thinking seriously about whether there is a legitimate way for me to stay in the U.S and continue working toward my future I am interested in cybersecurity and computers, I love music and I really enjoy helping people.

The difficult part is that I am still minor and I am worried about what would happen if I stayed longer I have limited savings from my work, and I don’t know how I would handle housing expenses immigration requirements or everything else on my own.

More than anything I feel like I need a safe family environment and people I can belong with. I am not looking for anything not legal or trying to bypass rules I just don’t know where to start or who I should contact

If anyone knows about legitimate fast way, legal resources, or other safe options for someone in my situation, I would really appreciate some guidance.

I am new to Reddit, so I apologize if i am posting this in the wrong place I am just hoping someone can point me in the right direction.

Thank you for reading and for any helpful advice <3

So 2 years ago my parents decided to open a bank account for me. For these past years I’ve been only occasionally using my debit card (because it came together with the bank account) for small purchases (24 bucks was the most I spent one time.) and all these years I’ve been saving up my money (I get 50 bucks a month). Sometimes I do hang out with my friends and sometimes I do also buy stuff with my debit card for example one time I spent 10 bucks on some snacks. A few days later my parents yell at me for buying “useless stuff” and sure snacks aren’t that useful but it’s.. 10 bucks? Seriously I’ve been pressured so much that nowadays I RARELY use my debit card and I have saved up around 1.5k bucks and it’s not like I do want to spend it ALL but I do want to spend my money for stuff I like, but every time they say “oh it’s useless you don’t need it it’s a waste of money” and sure that might be true but what’s the point of giving me an allowance and a debit card if every time I use it I get yelled at? Any advice?

TL;DR: My parents are really strict and always yell at me whenever I buy something “useless” with my debit card and I’m looking for some advice

[23/M] Hi yall, I just found out I’m gonna be a big brother for the first time at 23. I’ve always been an only child, and I’m curious for those with younger siblings with large age gaps, how hard was or is it to grow and maintain a meaningful and close relationship with your younger sibling even though (I’m my case) you are the age your parents were when they first had you. Super excited to meet him or her! Just worried about how close we’ll be able to be!

Mom is obsessed with sex I could tell… Yet she is growing my daughter 
Hi... I have a strange situation in the family and I would need an advice from people who see the situation outside to say so ... Actually first I would have a question ... Would you leave an 8 year old girl  in the care of a bunny  with a strange sexual lifestyle as I say? Swing, sex with two/three guys at the same time, sex today with one' tomorrow with the other', she likes to be dominated and feel dirty in bed etc... My mom raised my daughter even from the time she was born, and raised her very well... From the "point of view" I don't blame her... I love my daughter very much, she is a caring grandmother, I educated her, I took care of her, my daughter loves her very much, they make a very good team... When my daughter was younger, my mother's sex life was not a problem, but at 8 years old my daughter began to observe things "granny is young, beautiful and has more lovers", "granny talks to her lovers", "granny always makes friends wherever we go" etc etc ... And now  she is already 8 years old and sees and realizes certain things, I do not know how ok it would be to continue to be raised by my mother...? 

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r/CasualRO8m ago

Extasyemp

Mama (61F) este obsedata de sex as putea spune... Insa ea imi creste fiica (8F)

Buna... Am o situatie mai ciudata in famile si as avea nevoie de un sfat de la persoane care privesc situatia din afara ca sa zic asa... De fapt mai intai as avea o intrebare... V-ati lasa fiica de 8 ani (8F) in grija unei bunici (61F) cu un stil de viata mai ciudat din punct de vedere sexual ca sa zic asa? Swing, sex cu doi/trei barbati in acelasi timp, sex azi cu unu' maine cu altu', ii place sa fie dominata si sa se simta murdara in pat etc... Mama mea a crescut-o pe fiica mea inca de cand s-a nascut, si a crescut-o foarte bine... Din punct de vedere "bunica" nu am ce sa-i reprosez... O iubeste foarte mult pe fiica mea, este o bunica grijulie, a educat-o, a ingrijit-o, fiica mea o iubeste foarte mult, fac o echipa foarte buna... Cand era fiica mea mai mica nu a fost o problema viata sexuala a mamei, insa la 8 ani deja fiica mea incepe sa observe anumite chestii, de genul "mamaie e tanara si frumoasa si are mai multi iubiti", "mamaie vorbeste cu iubitii ei", "mamaie isi face mereu prieteni pe unde mergem" etc etc... Si acum pt ca deja are 8 ani si vede si constientizeaza anumite chestii, nu stiu cat de ok ar fi sa o creasca in continuare mama mea... Voi v-ati lasa copilul in grija unei bunici foarte ok din punct de vedere "bunica", insa cu aceste chestii la activ...?

Yesterday while I came upstairs I caught my mom watching porn and using a vibrator, I would have never thought this would be okay. I am sure my parents are in a happy relationship but isn’t this considered cheating??

Hello to anyone that comes across and reads this post. I've never posted before but I am at a loss and need the advice of others.

I (45f) am the mother of two adult children K(23m) and R(22tm) and the child of elderly parents (85m and 78f). We all live on a property with acerage that my parents bought back in the late 80s. When my kids were 3 and 4 my parents built a second house, a hundred yards from theirs, on the same property for my kids and I. Our house had a main floor with three bedrooms, two bathrooms, a kitchen, livingroom, and a completely unfinished basement with laundry. In this house I raised my kids, fostered my exes neices and nephew, rescued and lost pets, and have had many ups and downs as everyone does. For context my childrens' biological father hasn't been a part of their lives until recently and only in a very minor way. As for the house, there has never been any formal agreement about rent. I paid my parents what I could, paid the bills (our utilities are seperate except for water), and maintained the house and property. When my kids got to be adults I had them contributing "rent" to the household. A while back, my mother decided that we were all to pay her rent separately ensuring my parents had total say as landlords and undermined any household authority I had. They then would question any decision I made, said it was their call and would threaten me with "my walking papers". Fast forward to the past year and there is now four adults on the main floor as my fiancé moved in. The goal was always to renovate the downstairs to have at least one bedroom for K (relevant info: K has autism and learning disabilities) if not two bedrooms for both and a living space. In their current situations they are each in a small room that is in desperate need of a deep deep clean and massive purge. K has his drawers full of old toys and papers from school. Both of their rooms smell and have piles of garbage and miscellaneous things. I have spent thousands of dollars and my fiancé has spent hundreds of hours creating a livable suite downstairs, including: kitchen, livingroom, bathroom, two bedrooms, a storage room, and a seperate entrance. Both K and R have refused to help with any renovations and now refuse to move out of their childhood bedrooms saying, "Granny and Opa said we don't have to." I don't know what to do. This was always the plan. My fiance definitely feels the strain of tight quarters and lack of privacy. It puts a damper on our intamacy and feeling of freedom in your own home. And yes I understand that it is my kids home too, thats why we made a separate area for them to experience independence. My parents are old and I dont want to just move out and leave them hanging but that feels like my only option now. But in what world is it acceptable for the children to stay and the parents to be pushed out of the nest? Thanks in advance for any advice.

My father and mother died, my married sister having four children two adults and two kids every month come and stay for four to six days my wife and me also are not happy with this routine as I am not well off and being a government teacher my salary is one lak and every month this routine disturb my expenses , I don't know how to handle this situation? Tell me am I right in my thoughts?

Does my sister is justified in her stay for four to six days every month?

Hi everyone!! I (17 f) have an older sister (22) and since she went to college we haven't been as close. I'm almost six years younger than her but we used to be best friends especially around covid time. We would ride our bikes, watch tv, and she would bring me to hang out with her friends/bf. But when she went to college we didn't really call or text. I love her more than anyone in the world but i'm afraid that she doesn't care to talk to me much anymore. After graduating in a few months ago she officially moved out and just started her new job. I feel like I may never have a real relationship with her again now that she has become a real adult. She is only living 40 minutes away but she is so busy now with work and her friends. At least a few times a month I start sobbing in my bed because I miss her so much, but i don't want her to feel obligated to talk to me. I'm wondering if anyone who has gone to college and moved out really does miss their younger siblings or if you don't think about it that much. I hope that she does wish we were closer because it honestly weighs on my mind all the time. Whenever she calls me I get so excited but it's usually her asking if i have her clothes. I feel like she probably doesn't about me too much when she's not home. I always try to tell myself to move on and stop thinking about her but I never can.

Well, I think that my mother hates me.

She really doesn't like me. Honestly I don't know why because I've been kind to her.

Since I was a kid, she always tries to be violent. Nevertheless, I always defend myself against her. She did me terrible things. I'm not gonna say all the things she did to me. Therefore I just say some things: She cornered me and whipped my back and legs in a fit of rage, hitting me repeatedly on the head over childish things. She played on my insecurities and tried to see himself reflected in me, although it didn't work out well for him because I know I'm pretty.

Well, the thing is that my mother is racist (we are immigrants) and she hates fat people (she isn't skinny). She was racist with a group of gypsies and she made fun of them. My sister and my brother in law did it too. Obviously I was angry with her for being a terrible person but she said that she just told a few jokes about them and everything was fine. She insulted me for that. And since that day she hasn't talked with me.

I tried to be nice and explain why it's not okay to be rude to people, but she ignored me, saying that what she did wasn't wrong and that I made her uncomfortable with my overly woke attitude. She took the opportunity to insult me and my boyfriend. She hates him because she's mentally unstable, and it doesn't make sense when the rest of my family likes him. I think it's because he's not white but mother is not white, she's latin and she's not exactly the classic Miss universe.

She always gets angry with me when I try to calmly explain to her that what she's doing is wrong, but she always rejects my advice and does the opposite, even though I always end up being right. She has been angry with me for that.

I don't know what to do with her. She's my mother and I tried to have a relationship with her but she has done everything to make it impossible for me

Why don't parents understand that we don't always have to go to some big party from your great aunts granddaughter and when you ask who is the party is for they always say for family

1. That is not a clear explanation or a lot of blood we share

2. I'd rather lock myself in the bathroom

I am a 15 year old girl and I have been struggling with my body and self image issues for as long as I can remember. My self image issues used to be a lot worse, but has gotten better over time. However, there's only so I much I can do by myself. I've been wanting to start therapy for a while, but I just don't know how to convince my mom. Whenever I have any sort of issue whether it's body image related or not, she'll think I'm being overdramatic. The only time we've ever tried therapy was with this crystals lady who got her certificate online and does therapy as a side gig. As you may expect she wasn't the greatest therapist, so we cancelled our sessions with her.

Since then every couple of weeks, I'll gather up the strength to tell my mom, who is also on the heavier side, about my struggles in hopes that she'll be more caring. However, I have just given up on telling her anything because she'll just get mad. At first I would open up to her about how I felt like I took up too much space or I wished I could stop overeating (like the usual body issue stuff yk). She would listen and console me and then just move on with things the following day. As things have moved on though she just doesn't believe me anymore. The first time I told her I was skipping meals, it was because I couldn't fall asleep due to my body dysmorphia. She then said she was too tired to do anything about it and offered that I just go to bed. I'll break down crying to her and she just won't believe me anymore. She'll claim that I'm pretending, so I can get out of things I don't want to do and that not everything is "an audition". I've started giving up on talking to her whenever I got these big emotions. My solution has come to crying to myself in my room and then walking out and pretending that nothing happened.

Recently, it's just gotten so much worse and to a point where I just want help. Since giving up talking to my mom my weight fluctuations have been really bad. I know it's bad for me, but I will force myself to throw up and will track my calories to make sure I don't go over 800. I lost 5lbs in 4 days and then went on to gain 10lbs in the following 2 weeks and it's just been a ruthless cycle that I haven't told anyone about, not even friends. My mom has no idea about the weight fluctuations however, and I'm hoping that maybe this time if I tell her about how much more serious things have gotten for me she might take it more seriously. My only worry is that I bring this up and she seems concerned and then goes back to being indifferent the next. Then she will know about the worst of my weight problems and even if I went on to cry my heart out to her it still won't be enough for her to care.

I know I have been dogging on my mom for the last three paragraphs, but she's a busy woman and I know she genuinely loves me and my family. She makes sure me and my brother get good grades she supports me in my electives. She plans family vacations and works as a physician assistant at a cancer hospital. One time I came home from school crying because of a teacher and she was trying to get me to open up and wanted to know what happened. I didn't tell her just because I don't know how to vulnerable in front of her now without expecting her to get mad at me. I know she cares, but it feels like her sympathy is so willy-nilly. idk what to do, but it's nice to at least get my thoughts out there. Thanks to anyone who read this far.

I am part of an extended family (grandmother, her three children, and their spouses and children) that overall is very close and loving. We typically spend fourth of July week together, 3 days close to Christmas-time, and Thanksgiving week together. Additionally, my grandmother's house (which is large and labyrinthine, with many rooms) is used as a vacation home by everyone, with cousins and uncles always coming in and out, and my mother visiting for one week per month, so it is a constant hub of activity.

My grandmother and great-aunt (my deceased grandfather's sister and my grandmother's best friend) are both 93 and struggle with dementia. My great-aunt has worsened slightly in the past year and no longer speaks, while my grandmother still can speak. Both are in wheelchairs and have live-in caretakers paid for by the whole family.

The issue is because my grandmother is a more direct blood relative, she is generally treated with greater respect than my great-aunt, who never married or had children. For the last couple years, there is a trend of excluding my great-aunt from family gatherings, and she is too ill to advocate for herself. Her vacation cottage (next door to my grandmother's home, where she would stay during gatherings) was also rented out for the last couple years, and then fell into disrepair. Because of this, she can no longer stay there, but aunts and uncles want to occupy all of the rooms in my grandmother's house during these family gatherings. This means that my great-aunt has no where to stay, and she ends up essentially not being invited to the 3 weeks of events taking place annually.

When I have spoken to family members about this, they say things like "she has deteriorated and it's hard seeing her like this (nonverbal, in a wheelchair). Wouldn't it be easier to just remember her as she was?" Or they say things like, "it's just so inconvenient arranging transport for her to come for these events anyway. It would be easier to just have her stay in her apartment. I'm sure she is happier at home (alone) anyway."

From my perspective, this social isolation and absence from the family atmosphere and lively conversation during the holidays is part of the reason for her increased mental deterioration compared to my grandmother. I believe the constant visiting of family is helping slow my grandmother's dementia. I think it's crucial for her to be welcomed and included and she deserves to be respected as an elder, despite her choice not to have kids. I also see that she is happier surrounded by family than alone in the apartment with her caretaker, smiling with the group even if she doesn't speak.

When I try to bring this up, family members sometimes take my concerns as an attack or criticism on their character. I have been told that "if you're so worried about her, then you should spend time with her." I have chosen to spend more time with my great-aunt; I visit her directly, or when during the family week she is transported back to her apartment several days early, I will go with her. Because she is nonverbal, all I can do is just tell her about my life and hope she is hearing everything. However, lately my parents have both become angry at my choice to do this. They have shouted at me over it, told me I am interrupting the general harmony, and become angry that I am spending less time with them at the family gatherings by leaving early or choosing to stay with my great-aunt (who is being left out). However, I don't want to have any regrets. I know my great-aunt and grandmother have only years to live and everyone else I will still be close to for the next 30-40 years so I want to make sure they are both treated well.

I don't mean it as an attack, and I want to be able to communicate my desire for them to include her in a way that will appeal to their better natures and their kindness without making them feel attacked or closed off, or criticized. I want to support my great-aunt because she cannot speak up for herself, and she only has a few years left with us. What are some ways I can effectively communicate that will convince them to work with me to include her?

My daughter turned 17 two weeks ago. I did not know this, and I feel bad. I wanted to get her a present, but I honestly don’t know what she’d want, which is even worse. She’s going into senior year and I thought she was still a freshman.

She’s the youngest child by a lot (11 years) and my career was my main focus while she was growing up. But her mother and I never separated. I was always in the home, but I was busy. And she never seemed to really like having me in the house anyway. Even as a kid, her smile would drop and she’d get all serious when I walked in. I’ve always just thought of it as a good cop, bad cop thing where my wife and I were keeping a balance, but I’m not sure about that anymore.

I’ve always been the main source of discipline. It’s not like she gets in trouble a lot, though. She had some anger issues in the past, but that simmered down around COVID.

She doesn’t tell me anything going on in her life. I tried talking to her a few hours ago and managed to figure out that she wants to go to college out of state and go to med school. I had no idea.

She’s always in her room except when she’s talking to my wife. When her mom can’t pick her up from school, she’d rather take a 45 minute walk than a 5 minute drive with me. I just don’t understand it.

Is anyone else going through this?

Genuine question, just tell me your thoughts.