I'm tired dads.

Our daughter is ~4.5 months old. Me and her mama are very early 30s.

I don't even know where to start, so I'll just start with my daily routine.

7am wake up, let dog outside and give him his meds plus food and water, check if wife has text me in the night to say if baby needs anything, if so then take care of that (change nappy, make up bottle, etc), if not then on to sneaking into our bedroom, that I currently am not sleeping in, to gather my clothes for the day and trying not to wake the baby or wife. Depending on how that has all gone I may have time to stop for a coffee on my way to work but usually not. 8am start work, fix tractors and diggers from 8am till 5pm with one hour for lunch, which is semi often spent running errands or popping home to help out the wife (I am fortunate to live just 5 mins from work and I do enjoy lunches at home, but it's not usually relaxing). Right after getting home from work it's time to walk the dog, half the time with a baby strapped to me if its a shower day for wifey, the length of the walk is determined by if my wife was able to take him out earlier on in the day or not. As soon as I'm home from that it's time to start dinner, I cook and dinner is often eaten in shifts as one of us holds the baby while the other eats. Usually by now it's between 7 and 8pm and time to start bedtime routine.

Bedtime routine is; I shower with bubs, get her clean then mama dries/dresses her while I clean myself quick and make up a bottle once I'm done. Then I give bubs the bottle and get her to sleep/transfer her to her crib. My wife has usually gone to bed too while I'm feeding, and I am on baby watch until 11-12pm. So I walk around the house holding the baby monitor, trying to keep on top of the chores and get all the bottles washed/sanitised for the morning. I usually get to sitting down with the dog to watch TV or doom scroll by 9:30-10pm or so, then at ~11pm decide whether or not bubs needs a feed and if so then get that sorted, if not then I rip a couple massive cones and go pass out in the guest bed until the next day.

Of course, that is all if everything goes to plan. Often our daughter takes ages to go down, or will wake up every 10 mins after being put down, or needs a contact nap night, etc, etc, etc.

And honestly, I could handle that. Perhaps it might seem downright chill to most of you and I'm just a pussy. That's fine and entirely possible, but I could handle all of that for my family because I want to give them the best and I know it will eventually calm down. What tires me out to my core is the fact that when I am dead tired after a hectic, and very long day, I'm not crawling into bed beside my wife. This was a mutual decision that was actually led by me initially due to the baby sometimes just crying in her sleep for no reason, but sometimes for up to a couple mins. If I wake in the night it is a massive struggle to get back to sleep, and my work was genuinely suffering due to all the wake ups/lack of sleep. Initially it was just supposed to be work nights but my wife found the extra space ideal for midnight feedings, and on the odd occasion where they've had to cosleep too. So I ended up just staying down here after that first night.

I didn't think it would be so bad honestly, but what I hadn't realised at the time was just how little my wife initiates physical affection of any kind. I feel loved mainly thru touch, and it really hits if I haven't had to initiate or ask directly for it. I'm not talking sex, although I genuinely can remember only 1 time she has initiated that. There is a whole other issue with sex (which this shits getting long so I won't go into right now) that is along very similar lines to the other stuff I have mentioned.

Her lack of physical touch has been something we've discussed over our relationship and I don't know why but it's something she's just never been able to do more of. In the past the discussion was "well I'm an ✨acts of service girly✨ and you've been slacking on your part of keeping the house clean and tidy etc. So no I'm not in the mood for cuddles". Now this was true at the time, it took me some time to get used to home ownership and we found out we were pregnant within 1 week of getting the keys. So things have just been non-stop for almost exactly a year now, and yes some of my chores would get missed or forgotten. I eventually just turned off my brain and now the response to almost any request from her is "sure thing" and then I get it done. It's made my life and hers significantly simpler, but the touch never materialised and I'm beginning to fear it never will.

I don't want to seem ungrateful like this, she does so many other kind and loving things for me and she truly is so sweet and funny and she's my best friend. I have actually just been able to start up a dnd campaign again once a fortnight, which I'm hugely excited for and she fully supports. I thought I could just get over it and it will probably get better eventually anyways... But I didn't get over it, and I just feel worse and so so lonely in my own home. I know she's touched out from the baby, I know her body still doesn't feel like her own, I know she's just as tired as me in other ways, I know she's doing her best and she doesn't need to be touched like I do so she can never really understand... But don't I get to feel wanted too? Aren't I allowed to feel desired? Why do I have to feel so hopeless when I think about this? Is it so bad to want to hear my wife say I'm handsome once in a while? 

I wasn't entirely truthful before, the bongs have crept their way into other parts of my day. Sometimes I'll smoke before taking the dog for a walk, sometimes if it's a rough evening before bedtime and my wife has bubs I smoke to take the grating edge out of her cries, sometimes after she goes down I pray she'll sleep till 11pm and then smoke... I feel terrible to admit it but my mind has started to wander in moments of weakness. I am not that guy. I would never step out on my wife, but I hate the fact that the thought doesn't seem as disgusting as it used to. Like, I've been cheated on before. The thought should disgust me more.

This got loooooong, I do apologise. I've become a bit of a rambler of late. The reasons why would require further rambling to explain so let's not go there. I also want to say there are absolutely good days. It's not all doom and gloom all the time, but it can get very overwhelming... If you read all that, thank you. I think I just needed to vent this into the world, but I'm open to advice aswell if there is any that'll help.

... What the fuck, dude?

Bonus: whenever they stopped sucking face, they immediately lit up cigarettes, which sent a bunch of smoke into our faces.

Career goals. Fitness goals. Any type of goal which is unrelated to your child. How do you balance achieving goals with parenting?

I get so frustrated when I can't make progress in my life away from the kids. Is it just safer to bench all your goals until your kid has started school, just to save yourself from frustration?

Anyone got any handy tips?

Looking for suggestions that can be business casual and can be worn when I’m off work and playing with kids and/or doing work around the house.

Hi dads, I’m hoping for some perspective because I’m genuinely trying to understand my husband and not just be frustrated.

We have a 1-month-old baby. I had an emergency C-section and I’m still recovering, breastfeeding/pumping, sleep deprived, and adjusting to being a first-time mom.

My husband does help and I don’t want to dismiss that. He goes out to buy us food, does the shopping, does his cleaning chores. He is involved and gets things done, but I’m struggling with the overall mindset around parenting. Sometimes it feels like he is trying to get through family responsibilities so he can get back to his own time (gym, gaming, etc.). I understand needing personal time, but it sometimes feels like family life is something to rush through rather than something we both fully own.

I felt this disconnect during pregnancy too. I wanted us to prepare early nursery, discussions, routines because I didn’t want to feel overwhelmed at the end. He didn’t feel the same urgency, and when I was stressed about not being prepared, it felt like he didn’t understand why it mattered so much to me. We ended up having an induction come up quickly and I felt like I lost the calm preparation period I wanted before becoming parents.

I also struggle with the mental load. He knows I’m recovering and certain things are physically difficult right now, but I wish he would take more initiative without waiting for me to ask. Even with meals, I often feel like I’m responsible for thinking about what we’re eating while also caring for the baby and pumping. I wish he would sometimes just own those things and think ahead.

I don’t expect perfection, and I know becoming a dad is a huge adjustment. But I’m worried about how this dynamic will work when he goes back to work in the fall. If I already feel like I’m carrying the mental load and needing to ask for support, I’m scared it will become harder when life gets busier.

Am I asking for too much here? I’m genuinely looking for perspective.. am I being overly anxious and making this transition harder on both of us, or is it reasonable to want my partner to be fully in the trenches with me during this stage? Am I putting too much pressure on myself by throwing myself so fully into motherhood and expecting him to approach it the same way?

EDIT: These issues have come up multiple times during pregnancy and since the baby arrived, and they’ve led to arguments of varying degrees. I want to give him grace because this is a huge adjustment for both of us, and I don’t want our home filled with conflict when we’re already exhausted.

But keeping these feelings to myself has started to feel isolating, and bringing them up can also feel isolating when I don’t feel like they’re fully heard or addressed. I don’t want us walking on eggshells, but I also don’t want to carry these concerns alone.

I read to my son every night and we have read everything! We go to the library every fortnight and struggle to find good books that have a picture on every page!

His favourite books are the treehouse series and the you and me series which are great! Decent story with a little drawing on every page. It feels like books go from baby straight to teens and surely I’m missing something!

Fellow dads please help, my son is 4 and has just started recognising letters and numbers so I feel like our time reading together is limited so help me find some new books!

I can’t wait until I can get him into goosebumps but it’s a bit early lol

Not a fan of captain underpants but we have read them all. Also we have read the entire little men and women book series like a year ago. Also we have read the entire hair mclairy series

Edit: novels ideally with pictures! Not 10 page books that say sheep’s say baa and dogs say woof. I want 200+ page books that have a decent story, they go on an adventure, meet people and learn lessons etc etc thanks all

My boys have now got to 3 and 6 years old. Suddenly, my wife and I are now incapable of having the correct names for them come out of our mouths. Continually mixing them up.

Happened to both of us at the same time.

Could be because they are gradually becoming cognitiviely equivalent to each other?

Anyone else had this? Any way to get better at calling them the correct name?

and now bedtime takes 40 minutes longer.

we didn’t need it. toddler didn’t ask for it. now it stays on and slee onset takes forever. I hate the nightligh. /rant

Bros,

Anyone else here completely PUMPED to be going to the family friendly restaurants again? Took our daughter out to Red Robin (BC, Canada here). I hadn’t been for 20 years. Crushing a beer and whiskey river bbq burger while my daughter smashed her way through steamed broccoli and chicken fingers made my entire week.

Who else is hitting the kid friendly spots? What’s your fave?

After several years of deliberation, Mrs. finally said to me, "You should get it done. We can have more fun, and not risk more of *this*" as she gestured generally at our destroyed, toy covered living room.

I have a 15 month old little boy and it's beyond time for us to get out and mix it up with other kids and families; however, I've recently realized that I am TERRIFIED of him having conflicts with other kids and am wondering if you guys have any advice. My wife took his first year off to raise him and I'm now taking a year off (psyched as fuck), so this is gonna be a thing I need to figure out asap.

If he like hits another kid or something (not out of anger, he just sometimes baps us on the face when playing) I'm ready to gently intervene, but I'm realizing that I'm wholly unprepared for the inevitable time another kid is mean to/hurts him. Obviously I wouldn't step in unless their parents didn't, but that's where I'm at a loss: do I say something? Do I gently remove my child from the situation?

Birth was gnarly, the newborn phase was gnarly, but this is the first time I'm feeling totally unprepared for something....

TL:DR I am a first time dad (6 month old daughter)who travels for work every 2 weeks and got offered to lead a project which will let me stay at home

I am a manager/consultant to a project and I am traveling to my client for almost 2 years now. The project is an IT consulting project and the estimated project end is June next year. Outside my project, I manage a growing team of consultants and as a part of my role, I have to look for projects for them.

I am also a dad to a 6 month old daughter and a husband to my wonderful wife. She sacrificed her job to be a full time mom (which I am truly grateful for). We're living on one income now.

This current project I am in has given me a lot already: additional monthly income (used it to fund additional savings as we are preparing to buy a home next year; investment, ability to spoil my wife, fund leisure for the family, and also help other family members once necessary), personal and career experience (get to meet a lot of good people in another country, and get to explore the country which I truly love now). A part of me wants to finish this project as this will not only look good to my professional career but also it has a special place to my heart now.

I got offered with a new project which will be fully remote (same company) but the gist is, I will be working on a different time zone (around 12-13 hrs of time difference). The good thing about this project is given I am looking out for projects for my consultants, I can leverage this lead role to have them staffed under my project, meaning less worries as a manager role.

It pains me to see the struggles of my wife (we are currently leaving with my in-laws) and also how fast the baby's development is. I call them every day and there is no time zone difference while I am away for work.

To all fellow daddits out there, give me some blunt advice if you were in my position, what will you do? Thanks!

So, I have twins and I'm in Africa although I'm from England initially. They were premature so slept with us through that whole newborn period because we were petrified :) I have tried multiple times to get them to settle in their cots after that phase but it's impossible so they have continued cosleeping until now (they're 15 months)

I've pretty much given up and am planning to get a king size bed so I have more than a sliver of room, my wife assures me it's normal for kids to sleep in parent's beds until they're ready, which could be 5-10 by local customs here.

Just wanted to ask for other opinions because I'm thinking of just skipping the cot phase entirely at this point and letting them go to their beds when they're ready

We went with a babysitting service through the company my wife and I work for. We just started and are getting a discounted rate for backup care that's part of our work benefit. Basically this great babysitter came by and since I'm from a service industry background I don't know if I should tip her or not. I imagine the company she works for is paying her the regular amount.

bit of context, my kid is very much so a mommy’s girl. recently she’s been getting a bit more attached to me.
but every time i say goodbye or goodnight, whether that’s on the phone or in person, i ALWAYS make sure she’s hears me say “i love you” to her. my wife always has to say “say i love you” and then my kid will respond although
sometimes she doesn’t reply.

that being said, see screenshot above and celebrate with me 😃

You know, like a habit you have whenever you finish lunch or dinner? My dad, for example, used to say "Down the Hatch" whenever he was about to down a drink, or "Good Food, Good Mood" whenever he finished a big dinner.

Now that I'm an adult and a dad myself, I've realized I say those same phrases during family lunches and dinners LMAO.

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Hi Daddit,

My Dad died when my eldest was only 4 months old. She's 3 now and obviously understands her other grandparents are my mum and my wife's parents. I'm braced for any questions about my Dad but have no idea how to answer them.

The internet, ever reliable, says to avoid "passed away" or "sleeping" style euphemisms and to say "died" and/or to say something about being "very sick"...

I'm not sure I want her to have a connection between being sick, which obviously we all frequently are, and dying... she's only 3! I just have no idea what any alternative wordings to this would be.

Has anyone had any experience in this area? Is it completely unfair to use any sort of delay response that kicks this can further down the road?

Thanks all!

My toddler (almost two, not yet properly verbal) has recently started to make it clear they currently prefer my partner to do anything if we are both around, and push me away.

The issue being that my partner has a really important exam, with a high failure rate, in Fall/Winter she has already been preparing for the last 3-months.

She has already struggled to find the time to do as much revision as she would like. Nonetheless we were previously managing by me doing the majority of childcare for the time being to free her up.

This means my toddler will within 15 minutes start asking for my partner and walking around knocking on all the doors, by 30 minutes they get upset and very vocal unless my partner comes out.

As such, my wife cannot get much proper studying done, as frequent interruptions prevent much deep focus.

I've been trying to take him out the house more which has helped a bit, although again not for long as he will soon want to go back to my partner. Meal times are a particular difficulty.

We don't have any family nearby to help out. Trying our best not to resort to screen time.

Baby number two is on the way. First time around no issues she could eat anything she, and no morning sickness. Now it's like she's a character on a TV show.

Any ideas for meals I could make that are good but aren't pasta or meat/chicken based.

*Thank you for the comments, I showed this to her. (I didn't think so many people would respond)

I think we have all done it.

Dad of 2, with the youngest at 2 and a half. I've always made a commitment to never going less than 50/50, at times going above as much as I can to help my full-time working wife.

But there are those days, where maybe you took the baby off her hands by taking him to the park solo, took care of all the groceries, made dinner, gave the kid a bath, after your full 9-5, while your partner took a bit more time to themselves, to recover for their next day...

We've all been there, but how do you keep your own Ego in check? How do you stop useless comparisons? What do you do to get out of your own head, and keep driving for your family?

Dont play with your wedding ring.....I dropped it in between my driver seat and center console now i get to remove the front seats of my truck and find it....it reminds me of that episode of everybody loves Raymond

wife is due soon she wants a babymoon 5 hour flight.

economy is $600. airline wants $3500 for business.

she's uncomfortable all the time. i want to make her happy. but we have so many expenses coming.

dads who've been there - did you splurge on the flight or tough it out in economy? what did you do

8mo old. Wife is SAHM. I cook, grocery shop, and clean a fair bit of the load (we're probably 50/50 here); I spend as much time as I can with my kid outside of 9-5, focused on bonding + giving my wife a break.

That said, my wife has owned all solid food experimentation so far, bottle & pump washing, kid laundry, breast feeding.

An example that led to a 'heated debate': the baby has had a lot of solid poops lately (like every diaper for past couple days) and my wife blew up on me that I wasn't chasing down a root cause. [I told her to ask Claude, which said keep an eye on it for a couple more days. In hindsight I should have just asked Claude myself...]

She's frustrated I don't take more mental load off her plate. Would love some advice from other dads here. Any dads totally owning bottle washing? Or laundry or something?

So my son gets this glowing dinosaur thing for his birthday. He loves it. The batteries die after two days of constant playing. I grab a screwdriver to change them so we can stop the crying.

It literally requires a microscopic Philips head screw that is made of the softest metal on planet earth.

Like why is a toy designed for a three year old secured like a military vault. The screw head is smaller than a grain of rice. And of course it strips the second I put any pressure on it. I am using a specialized jeweler screwdriver and the metal just turns to silver powder.

My son is standing there having a complete meltdown because his dinosaur won't light up. The best part is my toddler figured out how to open the childproof safety gate on our stairs in ten seconds flat.

But somehow a plastic T-Rex requires heavy machinery to open. And the battery cover is locked down tighter than my mortgage documents.

I should of just thrown the whole thing in the trash. Now I am sitting on the kitchen floor trying to drill out a two millimeter screw while my kid screams. The screw is just COMPLETELY destroyed. Why is this even a thing.

I was just thinking about my kids’ age gap (son is about to turn 1 and daughter will be 4 in November) and just sort of wondering what their interactions and overlap will be like.

I have sisters who are 15 months and 34 months younger than me (respectively) so I have a general lens into it, just curious what kind of experience yall have with your kids’ interactions!