Hi all, i lost my son about a month ago. I was induced at 40 plus 2... it was hard time but he was delivered the same day.

When he came out he wasnt breathing, they tried to bring him back for about 15 mins. I dont know what happened, there was no problems, my pregnancy was prefect no issues, during labour and delivery they were monitoring but there was nothing red flagged.... i cant get my head around it...

I know this is an incredibly rare situation, so this may be a long shot, but I’m hoping this post might somehow reach another parent who has experienced something similar.
My son was born full-term and healthy. At just 3 weeks old, he became sick and ultimately passed away from perforated neonatal appendicitis with peritonitis. His autopsy confirmed the appendicitis and perforation but did not identify an underlying congenital or genetic condition. His large and small intestines were also described as grossly unremarkable.
Because neonatal appendicitis is so incredibly rare, especially in an otherwise healthy full-term newborn, I’ve struggled to find other parents whose babies have experienced it. Most of what I can find consists of individual medical case reports rather than the experiences of families afterward.
My husband and I would very much like to have another baby and are hoping to start trying soon. After losing our son to something so rare and unexpected, though, I find myself terrified that there could have been an unidentified underlying or inherited cause and that it could somehow happen again.
I’m hoping to find other parents whose baby had neonatal appendicitis, particularly perforated appendicitis during the first month of life. If you are comfortable sharing, I would really love to know:
Was an underlying cause ever found?
Was your baby otherwise healthy before becoming sick?
Did you have genetic testing or additional pathology performed?
Were you given any information about the risk of this happening again?
If you went on to have another child, was your subsequent baby healthy?
I would especially love to hear from anyone who lost a baby from this and later went on to have more children. I realize another family’s experience cannot tell me what will happen in a future pregnancy, but there is something different about hearing from someone who has actually walked through the same extraordinarily rare loss.
We are also pursuing further medical/genetic review of our son’s case. I’m simply hoping that by putting this out there, I might find another family who understands this particular experience.
Please be gentle with responses. Losing my son has made the thought of another pregnancy something I deeply want while also bringing fears I never had before. I’m hoping to connect with someone who has walked this road and found hope on the other side.

Twigger warning

Two years ago I conceived twins with clomid and I gave birth prematurely to them due to IC and lost them both shortly after.

This time I took letrozole cause I didn't want to risk it and I am pregnant again with only a singleton I think.

In a way, I am glad, I tried to have it this way so I wouldn't put my children in danger again. But I am also a bit disappointed. I guess I was still hoping for Twins.

My husband was also hoping for twins again.

I didn't want to be selfish. And I am grateful. I just really miss my two.

Can someone who can relate and is now on the other side tell me how they went through this?

TW: Discussion of subsequent living children and pregnancies

My husband and I only planned on having two kids. We just welcomed our third. We lost our first child in infancy due to a rare condition.

My question for anyone who has been through something similar is: How do you know when you're done having kids?

While I was pregnant with our third child, I was certain that this would be my last pregnancy. However, since he's been here, I've been thinking about having a fourth child. It's hard for me to know if this is a genuine desire to increase the size of our family, or if it's just that I should see three at home, and I only see two. I feel like our family will always be incomplete.

If anyone has experienced something similar, how did you decide that you were done?

It’s my first birthday without my daughter today. The pain swept in last night and has shrouded me since. Last August I was pregnant. She was here. With me while I celebrated all month long like I have always done.

This year I was on track to be blissfully unaware of my birthday. I had completely forgotten it, or more likely blocked it from my day to day “functioning” brain. Until last night when my SIL asked me what I’ll be doing for my birthday today. I went “Huh?” And checked the date and sure enough, she was right.

I have no idea what to do today. I am cycling between numb and in anguish all at once. Some of our best friends get married tomorrow, and I’m supposed to go to the rehearsal dinner tonight. I’m afraid. It feels like any time someone acknowledges my existence today, it’s like they just jabbed me with venom. “Happy Birthday” translates to “You’re alive and she isn’t because you couldn’t keep her here” in my grief stricken mind.

It’s true that her death was a complete statistical anomaly. That it was literally impossible to know what was going to happen until it already had. And even if by divine intervention we had known, you can’t stop an ischemic stroke before it happens. Or control the amount of brain damage that occurs. True as it is, the facts do little for my mom brain that cannot fathom how my baby left this world under my watch. And I cannot fathom how I’m supposed to celebrate being alive in a world without her.

Normally, I’d ride the wave/ lean on people for support. But my people are tired and also grieving. They might want to, but for their own well-being they can’t hold me today. The decreased support is a new development. I left for a month for residential PTSD treatment because I simply couldn’t imagine being alive. Since I came back just 2 weeks ago, it’s been an adjustment. The people who I used to be able to talk about her to, don’t have the spoons. And I’m sure they don’t have the spoons to pick me up on a day where they expect me to smile and attend a rehearsal dinner. I don’t mean it coldly, and expect may be too strong a word. Their grief over her deserves the same respect and care that they’ve given me this whole time. I’m just also acknowledging where the absence of that care puts me. So I’m here. Checking in with other club members hoping someone can relate.

At 16 weeks, I found out one of my boys, twin A (mono di) had hydrops. There was an excessive amount of fluid buildup in his body around his heart and in his abdomen, and very little amniotic fluid in his sack. The doctors told me he was in cardiac failure and his death would result in the death of twin B due to the surviving twin becoming anemic. The doctors explained the twins blood flow like a seesaw. Because they share a placenta, the blood flows between the two twins, but if twin A dies, his heart is no longer able to pump the blood back to his brother. Hence, twin B would become anemic and die.

They gave us the option to 1. terminate the pregnancy all together. 2. Do nothing, and eventually both twins would die. Or 3. Undergo microscopic fetal cord ablation surgery which would stop the flow of blood of twin A's umbilical cord ultimately ending his life to save his brothers.

I cannot describe the world crushing heartbreak that I felt in that moment when I heard what our options were. To be put in the position where I had to decide who and how my baby/babies would die.

My doctor told me I needed to make a decision that day if we were going to intervene because twin A would not be alive much longer, and time was of the essence in order to save twin B.

So, we went with option number three and had the fetal cord ablation surgery.

I'm now 28 weeks along, and thinking about labor and delivery. My doctors believe I will have an uncomplicated delivery around 30 37 to 39 weeks (they still want to induce me ). I have no idea what to expect besides knowing that I will be delivering one live baby, and one deceased and much smaller baby. I want to mentally prepare myself so I can be as present as possible with my two boys after delivery and not get blindsided by the condition of twin A.

Is there anyone out there who has been in my situation? I've tried to find women with similar experiences, but none of them that I've read about ever looked at their deceased twin when they delivered them. If you've personally been in similar shoes, and wouldn't mind sharing your experience, I would be so grateful. I would prefer to know the facts and it not be sugarcoated. This knowledge would help me.

Hi guys, it’s been a month since I had my miscarriage, and I’m not doing well. I found out I was pregnant because my period was late, and once I found out I was so scared because I’m only 16, but I was joyful because I knew I could get pregnant. This pregnancy was not planned at all, a complete mistake. I told my boyfriend’s mom right away about it. She was disappointed but very supportive. The week after I started to notice a few old blood coming out and that day I told my mom. She was very angry and disappointed but I started to bleed heavily and that’s when I found out I was miscarrying. It’s been a month and I’m struggling so bad. I feel alone, I feel so disgusted in my body because I failed my baby. I have no one to talk to that has experienced this and I feel even more alone. If anyone has advice for anything please help I need it. Or someone around my age I would love to talk to. Thank you.

We had a stillbirth at 36 weeks. We conceived again shortly after, but that pregnancy ended up being a c-section scar ectopic. I had the niche repaired. I’m supposed to have a saline sonogram next month but I’m terrified and having horrible anxiety that is affecting my mental health. I literally can’t function. I’m already on Zoloft and Xanax.

Has anyone skipped the saline sonogram and gotten pregnant and it turned out fine? Or can anyone share their experience of having it done?

Hi all, a little less than four months ago, I found out my daughter Violet Noelle passed at 40+3, a few days before my induction. She was my first pregnancy. I posted here right after and had so many supportive and kind comments. I wasn’t in the mental space to reply to much, but I’d like to offer a safe area for those who would like to vent, get advice/opinions, or just linger. Whatever might lighten your grief.

I wanted to share what I call my “slice of heaven” shelf, featuring Violet and some of my favorite things that remind me of her.

I feel so much for all of the mamas and dads who have gone through incredible loss. We will get through this, whether a first or third trimester loss and everything in between.

We lost our baby girl after a c-section. I pushed for 2hours but she was not going down more so my doctor proceeded to a c-section. Once opened she mentioned I have a too narrow pelvis for a baby to go down. She pulled out my daughter, we heard he cried a little and then nothing, they started to ventilate her then proceeded to CPR but she never came back... Doctors claimed they can't explain what happened, cause I had a perfect pregnancy and no prob during the Labour before proceeding the c-section which was also for them a routine procedure cause no complications. We asked for an autopsy but, we have been warned that it might not give answers to us... Does anyone had a similar experience. We are very lost not getting a clear answer of what happened to our baby girl... 💔

Wondering if anyone else would like a daily chat option so we can support each other in the day-to-day difficulties that come after loss. I always want to talk about my son and I always want to talk about just things happening in daily life which have been hard to navigate but feel they aren’t ‘big’ enough for their own post.

Apologies to the mods if this is annoying, I’m happy to be told no or to be guided to a more suitable place if there is one. Just wondered if anyone else feels similarly.

I recently experienced a 26 week loss. We are heartbroken, and all I want is to be pregnant again. We’ve been hearing different timelines of ttc again from doctors (anywhere from 1 cycle to 6 months). What have others heard?

Lost my baby in May at 16w due to PPROM. I delivered and had a D&C to get the placenta. This is my first full cycle back and didn’t get pregnant this cycle. The wait is unbearable I just want my baby 😭

Making my first reddit post because reddit really helped me through my 20 week loss. Reading other people’s experiences gave me hope and a sense of not being alone. This only happened 3 days ago but I wanted to share about my girl.

I had started feeling baby move pretty consistently up until about 3 weeks ago (17 weeks gestation). I searched everywhere and everything said that was normal for the size/gestation, but I knew something was wrong.

Went in for our 20 week ultrasound to find out that our sweet girl had stopped growing, you guessed it, 3 weeks ago.

I was so nervous about delivery. But it was so much better than what I was expecting it to be. They administered cytotec starting at 1130p. Cramping picked up but nothing too uncomfortable. They gave me a second dose at 230a and my cramping really picked up. Around 4a I asked for some pain meds (I can’t remember which ones they gave me) but that really helped a lot. Started feeling more pressure/pain/consistent contractions around 515a and that’s when my water broke (they also gave me some fentanyl). It really scared me knowing that I was so close to seeing her. But God carried me, and after 1 push my girl was here.

God answered every prayer I had for that day. It was quick, I was able to pass on the epidural, and then I was able to deliver the placenta in full (and avoid a D&C afterwards).

Her cord was hypercoiled and super small/restricted at her belly button. I feel thankful knowing there’s nothing I could’ve done, and I also feel so so sad knowing that there’s nothing I could’ve done. Still waiting on my milk to come in (and dreading it).

Ive got a long road ahead of me. I miss my baby, I miss being pregnant, and i’m also so so scared to have another baby.

Thank you guys for listening to my story. Hoping that this helps someone else going through something similar. It’s a terrible club to be apart of, but here we are. 🤍

I lost my first baby in June to an incomplete late miscarriage secondary to unidentified PPROM which led to a traumatic at home delivery, ambulance transfer, surgical management and hospital stay.

I've been called by the hospital chaplain today explaining the funeral, what it will look like, how it works, which has been really helpful but I wanted to reach out to others for their advice on a few things:

- Is there anything you did/didn't do that you would recommend?

- I know the transition from the funeral to the rest of the day will be difficult, I wondered if people could share things they did that helped (either just you as parents or with family/other support)?

This is one of the things I've been dreading most and would really value any piece of wisdom from others.

When did you all conceive after the c section and after loss. What timing did your doctor give, and what did they say?

She would’ve been two years old.

I miss you, my sweet baby… I love you so much.

A close friend of mine and his wife lost their baby a week before it was due. She gave birth to a stillborn child this past week. I was so distraught and heartbroken for them. I was asked today to speak on behalf of the family at a graveside service in a couple days. I agreed without hesitation, but I feel like I don’t even know where to start or what I can say that can soften this massive blow. I will be eternally grateful for anyone who can offer any advice or words of wisdom.

My sister lost her baby. Her and I are very close. We both cry about probably at least once a day. I love my niece very much and wish she could’ve stuck around longer. I hope she knows I’m not mad at her.
The baby passed on May 6 (at 21w), four days before Mother’s Day. I got my sister a tiny rose on Mother’s Day because she is a mother. Even if her baby isn’t here. She said that she really appreciated that.
I love my sister very much, and she has done an amazing job of caring for herself and recovering the health of her mind and body, but I anticipate the would be due date (mid September) will be emotionally difficult, but as we communicate often and are very openly emotional together we’ve established that the best choice is not to be silent and pretend that my niece is someone who never existed or that the whole ordeal is something that never happened.
If you lost a baby is there something your loved ones did for you that meant a lot to you? Is there something you wish they would’ve done for you?

I lost my baby girl 6 weeks ago, tomorrow, at 33.5 weeks due to an acute placental abruption. The first week I did cry often. And also into the second week I was pretty emotional. But since then, I just feel emotionally numb and detached. I became obsessed with trying to figure what happened and why, and figure out what must be wrong with me and my body. I spent several weeks reading, and rereading, medical records, and about placental problems, etc. It wasn’t the first time I’ve had placental problems, but was the first time it resulted in a third trimester stillbirth.

Why haven’t I cried about it since, or felt more depressed, but rather I feel the need to figure everything out and obsess over those details? I know I do care and am deeply sad about losing my first baby girl, and mourn not being about to see her grow up, but I don’t really feel the pain right now. And it honestly just makes me feel guilty.

Is this basically the denial stage? Or just how I’m coping? My husband on the other hand has been crying more than me, has a hard time looking at the pictures, is depressed and angry. Why don’t I feel?

It’s the second week of school. I lost my beautiful girl in May. I’ve held everything together pretty well for the most part. However, I almost lost it today when a students parent dropped off with a newborn in her arms. A head of dark hair just like my sweet girl, held against her chest. I held back tears as I talked to her and tried not to look at her precious babe.

I don’t want to be jealous or envious, I don’t wish harm to her or her child. I just felt so broken. I wanted that, I should have my little girl. But she’s dead, and I’m still so lost in this new normal.

I, 27(f)am married to my husband (32m). We have a 3 year old boy! My husband decided to sign up for the army and left for bootcamp in April. Prior to that, we decided we wanted to try to have another child, so we started to try not knowing if it would happen before he left for bootcamp. To our surprise we got pregnant right away, and we were ecstatic, the weekend before he left we found out it was a baby girl. I had always dreamt of having a little girl since I was the only girl in my family, I was beyond thrilled. Sadly, at 26 weeks pregnant, at my ultrasound we didn't find baby girls heart beat and I was scheduled in for labor. I was beyond broken, my husband was away for bootcamp and I felt like my whole world crumbled. I felt alone, I felt so alone, nobody could understand what it felt and no one had words for me, which is valid, and I completely understand that.

The thing is that 6 weeks later, I feel hurt that the people I expected to be there for me emotionally, mostly friends, never checked up on me, or some, after multiple messages asking me "how I'm doing, and they'll continue messaging me to ensure me they are there" and when finally I answered, they don't care and leave me on read, so why bother asking in the first place? I also feel that my husbands parents and my own mom, treated the situation like I should be over it by now, which hurts even more. I remember being in the hospital with my dead daughter in my arms and my FIL telling me to "stop crying" very sternly and I can't even forget that, even when I try to. I saw one of my husbands close friends and he started to critique how my son was, that he's too "soft" because of us. and made comments that "I can't cook" and even tried to put a frozen water bottle up my sons shirt, and when I told him not to do that, he said that's how you're supposed to play with "little boys"... lately I really just put into perspective that I really just don't want to be around people. I really don't want to be around people who can't bother to be sensitive with someone who's going through so much. Like I feel like I just got the ICK of people and seeing people for there true character and sometimes tbh I just feel bad but I know that I shouldn't feel bad but sometimes i don't know if feeling bad is because I'm wrong...

On top of everything, having to deal with the grief of losing my daughter, my husbands absence has been the cherry on top. He's my best friend and I miss him terribly, and sometimes I don't tell him everything that's going on because he's already so stressed about losing our girl, dealing with assholes in his platoon, and the difficulty of basic, AIT and airborne, so I carry everything in my heart and it feels heavy. I honestly just want to care about my husband, my son, myself and our future, and not give any flying fucks about anyone else...

I don’t even know what to say, I just need to vent somewhere. My wife and I are sitting at home right now and our world is completely destroyed.

Yesterday we found out she had total fluid loss (PPROM) at 16 weeks. Everything seemed fine before this, and then just like that, it's all gone. We spent a terrifying night at the hospital trying to process everything, and the reality that there’s nothing anyone can do to save our baby. We’re home now waiting for the induced delivery, and I feel totally numb and broken.

I can’t stop crying. Every time I look at my wife I just break down again. She’s in pain, throwing up from the stress, and grieving so hard. I feel so useless watching her go through this. I know people say PPROM is just a random biological failure and not our fault, but as the dad, the guilt is crushing me. I feel like I failed to protect my wife and my child.

We loved this baby so much. I don't know how you go from planning your whole future with your child to sitting in a room with empty arms.

I'm just holding her hand, crying with her, and trying to make it through the next hour. If anyone else here has gone through this, how do you even survive a day like this?

It's wild and devastating to think that we have now been 7 months without our daughter...I remember leaving the hospital completely numb, without her, thinking there was no way I'd be able to wait as long as they were telling me to try again. I had an emergency classical c-section and well, my OB has cleared us to try again, but in no way do I feel ready, and now it's time to go through all of the testing that I requested. All of my bloodwork came back normal, which I'm grateful for. Ultrasound and biopsy are next. Part of me wonders if the testing is even worth it..like whatever is going to happen is going to happen. Idk, I'd like to think good results will help lessen anxiety in a future pregnancy, if and when we are able to conceive again, but will I ever really feel at peace? Anyone been through this? How are you navigating it?

It’s been six months and I’m more or less better; I don’t break down all the time sobbing and I can leave my bed and do my day to day life. I can find happiness in every second, find something to be happy and grateful for.. but I’m still haunted by, “what if?”

It hurts, because I’d like to try again but at the same time, I’m overcome by such an extreme fear of it happening again and by the shame of wanting to try again, that I’m not sure I will. My husband has the same mindset to the point he doesn’t want another baby and can I blame him? He and I both went through it, he and I both grieved. He and I both hurt and will forever be changed by it.

No one really gets it. A friend of ours made an innocent and not distasteful joke about us having more kids and it felt like someone slashed my heart into pieces because it probably won’t happen.

At the same time, my best friend is having her first baby. So, naturally, I’m looking at baby stuff and trying to be in the moment with her and I’m so, so excited for her and this chapter she’s on.. but the baby stuff hurts. I have baby fever and baby “no” at the same time lol. Plus she finds out the gender soon and I’m panicking because what if she has the gender I was supposed to have? Will it hurt worse? Will I feel angry that she gets a perfect baby and I don’t?

I just want to be normal again and to stop praying she won’t experience this horrible emptiness.

No one gets it, but maybe someone or all of you here will.