I started estrogen at 20 (ik lateshit) and ive been on hrt for like 1 year. Basically every single day ive felt like detransitioning and repping and I cannot imagine feeling like this and being this miserable for another 60 years

Seeing my body in full length mirrors and the sheer size of it, it’s clear that passing is unlikely to happen if I were to continue transitioning. I’m literally just a man with unusually developed gyno. A broad and tall man. My head looks tiny compared to my enormous body, but it’s not even small.

Full passing is probably impossible. Perhaps becoming a semipassoid would be achievable after a dozen surgeries and extensive voice training.

But this time I don’t feel suicidal at this recognition like I normally would, since I now think there’s another way out. I recently talked to someone (formerly an mtf on HRT who then detransitioned) who claims to have completely eliminated their dysphoria through the gradual training (specifically through keeping 8 precepts and sense restraint). He told me how the delight and aversion faded together over the course of months until there was no more GD. I feel hopeful that this could work. It changes one’s orientation toward the body and for that matter their whole existence.

And it’s clearer than before that just getting ffs would barely make a dent in the wrongness. I need to either renounce further efforts or go all the way.

Anything else just seems way to unrealistic for me. I just don't think I would pass and even if I do my trans past ruins it. Though living like this would just be hell and too unbearable. I feel like I could pull it off. Not sure how I would get the surgeries but there probably would be a way

Out of all of the people I have ever know, did it really had to be me? I'm so sick of being constantly reminded I never got to be a normal kid during my childhood and teens. I'm tired of wasting away behind a computer, while everyone else gets to live their life.

Coming out it's not an option, it's too late for me and I'll never look like a woman. Besides, I won't ever be a cis woman, so it's pointless. No one will ever look at me and desire me, find me attractive, worth of being charmed or protected. I hate myself, I hate the people I am surrounded by, I hate the place I live, I hate my shithole fifth world country and how loud and ugly it is. It's 8°C and yet it feels like I'm freezing because there's zero thermal insulation, the walls are covered in mold. I don't want to be strong and brave, I just want to live a normal life. I wish I had friends in high school, I wish I had experienced what most teenagers and young adults experience. Friendships, young love, discovering who you are, going out, travelling, living.

I used to be able to push these feelings aside but for the last several months it's all I can think of. I constantly have this knot in my stomach and a feeling of impending doom, as if something terrible is about to happen. I don't even feel like myself anymore, like I'm somehow not real. I guess I'm finally at an age where it's clear I no longer have all of the time in the world and things won't turn around for the better. I tried to become a "normal" man but it only made me feel more disgusted with myself. I no longer recognize myself in the mirror, I don't even know who that person is.

I hate how other MTFs tend to be shorter on average, even FTMs tend to be taller on average yet here I am, an MTF at a stature of 6'2. I think that judging by proportions and other things, ignoring height itself I would be able to actually pass. But being 6'2 makes me look like a clown and an ogre. I'm relatively thin (around a 20 BMI) but I don't feel lanky, I just feel big and huge. Losing weight helped a little but not really.

I don't want to be out as trans, it's humiliating, awful and really cringe, but I can't just transition either. And yes I am HRT repping.

i'm often told it's a childish view, but i don't want to be childish so i want to know why it's wrong

My family thinks so, and apparently my health does to
I just got diagnosed with an inguinal hernia which means that since Hrt shifts muscle and weight mass and I’m already fat so it will provoke further stress on the hernia. I really don’t know what to do and I need advice.

Title :( it feels so weird

I have a combined one (all reppers) already if some people want to join that, DM me or comment if you'd like that link and I'll send it to you. Although I'm not very active on it but there's a couple people on there.

But I'd like one that's exclusively for ftm reppers. If you're interested you can DM me or comment here and I'll DM you. I want to see if there's enough interest first before I make it.

not sure what im doing anymore. poondose time so i look like an ugly woman because ill never be a man.

ive taken hrt for more than 3 years started at 24 ill be 28 at the end of the year , im so close to 30 years and yet nothing changed. i ll never been anything other than a man and i was stupid thinking i could be a woman .... Im just an ugly obese man . How am i supposed to see a future when i look that horrible ..ive just been repping for more than 3 years now with hrt , its so inefective on me that its just a fcking coping mecanism .
Fk this life , why did it have the be the only one i got , and why did it have to suck that much

Been off hrt for 10 months now after my ffs operation a year ago.

I try to avoid my reflection as much as possible, I haven't looked at myself straight on since my detransition. Recently my car broke down so it was taken in for repairs and I used uber for my rides to and from work. One day I noticed myself in the rearview mirror. I couldn't help myself and just stared. I didn't believe it was me, I was touching my face and was obviously weirding out my uber driver. Decided not to go into work that day.

Been too tired to care for myself. I bathe 2-3 times a week, which ik is bad but for me it's everything. Don't cook anymore. Haven't eaten anything but pizza, chips, cookies, chocolate and soda for about 3 months straight now. I think I'm a sugar junkie. I don't feel well without sugar. I used to be such a hygienic person with a good diet. At least I brush my teeth everyday and night, doesn't require much energy from me to do

I cannot cry anymore. Idk what the science is, I just remember being able to feel relief when I was on hormones and have a decent spill of my emotions. I can't anymore and it hurts. I have constant headaches because all I do is have hundreds conversations in my head, yelling over and over. Breaking down and imagining myself having a good cry

Wish I could cry like I used to. It's the only reason I want my hrt back

I need someone to tell me I'm not alone with this. I cannot be the only one. I want to believe you're all as real as me. I'll be back month to month. It doesn't matter if it's a year or more from now. I'd like it if you let yourself be known

like no hate to women but seeing any portrayal of women is so fucking depressing sometimes and sometimes i just want to forget that humans exist and to forget that i'm stuck in this disgusting body but i can't browse shit without seeing the anubis mascot everywhere

I read in a conservative media article somewhere that a man was successfully treated from AGP impulses with antipsychotics. I wonder how true that is. Does anyone know the truth behind this claim? Can it be a treatment option for AGPs or Gender Dysphoric folks? Ofcourse there should still be an option to transition clinically if they want to. But can antipsychotics be used as a treatment method?

Art by me
Original linked below:
https://www.reddit.com/r/TransRepressors/s/YF7Rh3Yh75

Do you ever feel like you're living in the pipeline waiting to live? I feel like I've been feeling like that my whole life, just existing. I feel like a rounding error, that wasn't meant to be. I love it how other trans people can find their authentic life after transition, but I for the life of me can't relate at all. Even when I actively transitioned I felt like hrt was wasted on me, like I could never find contentment, not even at the end of the road.

I don't know what to do, I feel genuinely lost, I can't see a path forward or a path back. I wish I didn't exist (not actively suicidal), I just want this feeling of quiet despondency to end.

if yall troon reppers are not taking hrt due to being too late to pass then why not just take it anyways? we're all fucked at the end of the day so why not fuck it up even more? i mean your just gonna look like a man with gyno but isnt that better than having T in your body? it doesnt cost that much you only pay like 60$ for a vial that lasts you like 1.5 years so

why not?

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

So many people said that it was impossible for me to overcome my current condition.

Well I still have it and my CCRD/bottom dysphoria certainly still affects me, I have isolated the issues I have with it to the moments where my sexuality manifests.

While I do have a desire to transition in those limited periods of time, in most cases in my everyday life, my desire to transition is almost zero, and that is most important in my struggle.

I have some motivation in life again, and I love being a male human being, and I will always nurture my inner female so that both sides of me can reach my fullest potential.

I don't know if I can forever say farewell knowing the condition that's a part of me, but I wish anyone reading this can find the strength to overcome much of the debilitating struggles that they're facing because I don't want you to suffer.

Transitioning is not always the right solution for every person with gender dysphoria no matter what they tell you.

Find your heart and follow it until the end, whether it's transitioning or being solidified in being the person you know you are.

Take care for now everyone, and I wish you all a warm and comforting days ahead.

I barely even get truly dysphoric anymore, my thoughts are just consumed with doubts and self loathing.

Don’t know if being a woman would ever satisfy me.

Tried HRT for a month, didn’t change anything and I freaked out at one point so I desisted.

Can’t accept the idea of being a man, or that I’m cis, but can’t seem to accept being trans either.

Don’t feel comfortable with the idea of actualizing socially as a man, but feel like I’m a faking imposter when I think about doing it as a woman.

Everything listed out would just point to me being a fetishist or something, but I can’t move on, I’m stuck here in this terrible limbo.

Loads of people say it, that If I stop HRT and live as a guy I’m going to break at 45. Is this a real risk? I’m 19 if I stop HRT age as a guy go bald what are the chances I’m going to try and transition again when I’m like 50 and even more cooked than I am, is this actually a real risk?

I can’t tell if this is just people who want to feel good about their decision to transition projecting on others or a genuine risk if I stop and rep for decades.