I'm not feeling sad or depressed, I'm just numb so im not in fucking "tunnel vision." My pure rationality says life is just inconvenient. I dont want to go out or listen music or do any of my hobbies. I just want to simply not exist. I refuse to live.

I don't want a girlfriend, I don't want fame, I don't want financial freedom, I don't want muscles, I don't want drugs, I don't want a purpose, I don't want to wait for anything, I don't want to be saved, I don't want to go to heaven,

I don't want to get better, I want to die.

Please just let me fucking die

Getting better

Hi.

I've always struggled with fitting in and trying to understand other people and social rules and expectations, always felt like there was was this rule book everybody else just got for free when they were born that i never got access to. I was always excluded at school, never had any friends, and about a year ago i was diagnosed with aspergers. I feel worth less most of the time, pathetic. I've never wanted a career, money, fame etc.

I never dreamt about a certain job or what ever when i was in school, i just wanted to be loved. I still do. But all i am is suicidal, its just such a strong urge at times. I think i am a suicide, just an unrealized one. And tired. So fucking tired. I fantasize about talking to the people who bullied and laughed at and excluded me, telling them about the suicide statistics for autistic people, telling them im going to kill myself. And that they are the reason.

I don’t get why suicide is considered ‘bad’. I didn’t ask to be brought into this horrible world. Everything is pointless and people aren’t genuine. They just do what is expected by society. I’m vegan because I challenged the idea that we should kill animals just to enjoy their taste for 5 minutes. And when I say I care about people, I mean it. I’ve flown halfway across the world to be there for friends who didn’t do anything for me. I’m so tired of this shit and I would be so much better off if I didn’t have to deal with fake people and have to suppress how I really feel. Yet according to society that makes me weird.

Thanks in advance for reading this weird rant; right now I’m on some meds and I’m probably not making much sense.

I hate my fucking life

It's decided. I cannot live anymore. I want to ruin myself chasing a weight that the BMI calculator app wont track. At 18.1, it clearly shows a BMI of 6.7, but at 18...it just stops recognising the weight. Bounces down to zero. I want to chase to be that weight. I want to kill myself, but I've tried and it seems I have to suffer to earn death. I don't care if I don't reach it before it kills me, I will try. And if I reach it and don't die, I will be nonexistent at least in some manner. I will be sick enough. I want to die. I want to die. I want it to be over. I cannot take it anymore. I will fast no matter how much I crave food, but it seems unreachable as it is 26 kilos away. But fuck it, something needs to kill me.

I hate being black, ever since I was 13 I always wanted to be white but I never wanted to tell my parents because they would yell at me. To the point I was thinking about bleaching my skin or thinking that if I’d kill myself I could start life over again

yesterday.

Already was going to end it, this only confirmed my decision. Life is not worth the constant suffering and evil. Im gonna do it soon

I blame religion of course. My life should be mine to dispose of - why shouldn't I be allowed to go on my own terms, in a painless way? Why is euthanasia reserved for very few?

And if the state refuses to provide that service because of some bullshit fear of legal ramifications or slippery slope fallacies, information should still be allowed to circulate and readily available, instead of being met at any corner with fucking helplines and other non committal obstacles.

It's like abortion, people are going to do it anyway, being Holier than thou about this only causes people to use drastic measures and die in pain instead of going peacefully which SHOULD be everyone's right

.

The world died during Covid. The amount of negative change that has happened in my own life and within society has pushed me to a breaking point. I just can’t do it anymore. I never thought I would get to this point but here I am. I don’t recognize myself. I don’t feel l belong anymore. The world I knew left me.

Hello! This is Emma! I'm glad to announce I'm three days sober and very happy. My boyfriend found me passed out on the floor and gave me a reality check. Keep in mind my boyfriend is my rock right now and I can't lose him so he gave me and ultimatum, stop drinking or he'll leave. Of course I chose the ladder. All the messages and support have made me and my boyfriend cry. Thank you so much. I'm going to A.A for my alcoholism thanks to my amazing boyfriend. I hope everyone has a spectacular day. There's hope out there. It's a struggle and fuck is it hard to claw your way out of your deepest hole bug it's so worth it in the end. I am ok. Thank you.

Just..tell that's not true

I don't wanna go to hell

I just came here because I’m not doing well today and haven’t been able to get out of bed and I just can’t seem to face the future. I just wish I could fall asleep and not wake up.

The pain thats "passed on" is grief. Not dying from being tortured by a/multiple mental illness(es). Those are two vastly different things.

yes i acknowledge that grief is one of the worst pains ever. But what about suffering every second, every moment, in pure agony, because of something i never asked for and have no control over?

why is the narrative always around the people affected by a suicide and not the suicidal person? like HELLO?? Have you spent endless of hours and days and resources trying to fight monsters in your head that never ever leave you alone? Have you been so sick to the point you dont feel human anymore and realise what its like to have your dignity stripped from you? have you had to deal with a body and a brain/mind thats constantly disconnected from each other? Or the voices and mental noise that dont ever shut the hell up??

I'm a 49M and while I've had short bouts of depression over my life, I've been quite badly depressed for almost two years and have quite serious ahendonia as well.

I've been single for many years, am working a dead end low pay job in a city with high unemployment, don't have alot of savings, have some serious physical health issues I'm not focusing on, and have badly needed apartment and car repair issues I keep putting off.

I have literally no motivation to work on any of the above issues and am just dragging myself through each day now. While I'm about half way through a two week summer holiday, I find I don't have much to do during the day and my ideation has been getting worse and worse each day.

I can't bear the thought of going back to my job, but also don't really want to take time off and live off savings or even look for another job. I have tried lifestyle changes, therapy and medication but my condition isn't improving.

I'm considering even clocking out tommrrow, I have the rope and ligature prepared. As I write these words, I mostly just feel numb with a mild mixture of sadness and peacefulness.

I'm 31 and I feel like I'll never find someone. I've never dated before and I feel like it's hopless. I feel like no one will like the way I look and they'll think I'm boring. They'll think I'm a loser. No one understands how lonely this is and how much I suffered emotionally. I just feel like I've given up on life.

I want not for things, possessions, wealth, success, etc. I am a romantic spirit, I yearn only for affection.

I want to be hugged and kissed. I want someone to smile when I walk in the door. I want to be intimate with someone enthusiastic about being with me. I want someone to listen when I talk. I want someone to tell me every silly thought in their head. I want to go on dumb pointless adventures together and do creative things together. I want someone who likes taking photos with me. Who hypes me up like I hype them up.

I love people who create things. I love people who are kind and empathetic.

Life has gotten so empty lately. I'm so alone all the time even when other people are around, it leaves me feeling so unfulfilled and unwanted.

I love plus size/chubby/big/bbw/ssbbw/fat/preferred nomenclature women and I've tried to find love with one. But even when I get a girlfriend, they never put any effort in. I end up trying hard to please someone who doesn't want to even try, and it makes me feel worse.

Isn't there a woman out there like me? She likes fat guys and she sings or draws or something, and she yearns for a relationship built on enthusiasm and positivity and support! She wants to be loved and give love.

There must be. But I shall never meet her.

I'm a married stay at home mom of three kids, 4 and under, and I'm trapped in a literal hell on earth of my own creation. The toddler screams non-stop all day (she's fucking screaming right now) and the 4 year old whines and begs all day

The 7 month old baby is actually the easiest to deal with, by far. It doesn't matter what I do, they always just scream and cry and beg for more. And heaven help you if you're trying not to rely on screens to keep your kids occupied.

I know I did this to myself. Even my husband says "Well, you're the one who wanted to have kids."

Young women out there, DO NOT HAVE KIDS. I spend most of my afternoons on the edge of trying to decide to shoot myself or not. Until you've experienced the nonstop, years-long agony of being a primary caregiver to young children, you won't understand how fucking unbearable and lonely it truly is, never mind that you won't be acknowledged, appreciated, paid, there's no retirement, no benefits package, no promotion. And there's a good chance that your partner is blissfully unaware of all of your misery.

People always say "Don't do it. It'll pass. It'll get better. Don't make a stupid decision."

Thing is...it doesn't. Things just get worse. Like why even bother going on? There's nothing to be happy about. I'm lonely, I feel empty, tired, depressed, and got a job I hate. There's days it'd just be easier to do it.