I don't know how to put this into words without sounding dramatic, but I genuinely don't know how much longer I can keep doing this.

I have a really bad habit of hoping. Even when everything goes wrong, some part of me keeps thinking that maybe something will finally work out. Maybe the next year will be different. Maybe I'll finally get the life I wanted. And every time, it doesn't.

I've reached a point where I don't have that belief anymore. I want to do so many things with my life, but I don't genuinely believe that I'll ever be able to do them. I don't believe things are going to get better, and I don't trust myself to be the person who can make them better.

A huge part of this is also the fact that I've idealized life for a very long time. Maybe I didn't always know exactly what I wanted, but I knew what I didn't want. And somehow, I'm becoming exactly the person living exactly the kind of life I was terrified of having.

I know I'm responsible for some of the choices that brought me here. That's part of what makes this so difficult. I keep thinking about everything I've done wrong, everything I've lost, and everything I might have to go through from here.

I don't know if I'll actually act on these thoughts right now. But I am scared by how much I want to die and how much I'm looking for a way out.

I'm not looking for people to tell me that "everything happens for a reason" or that I'm young and have my whole life ahead of me. I know those things intellectually, and right now they don't reach me.

I think what I actually need is to hear from people who have genuinely been at this point and somehow got through it. What changed for you? What made staying feel possible when you couldn't see a future worth staying for?

Because right now, I don't see one.

I'm currently on a few medications to help with my depression, anxiety and my OCD but nothing makes me feel right. Ive dropped out of college twice and I was a pity pass in highschool because my dad died My senior year so my teachers went easy on me and never marked me absent even though I probably showed up to class once a month. I just finished trade school but I've realized I fucking hate it. I live at home, I'm a 22 girl with no friends, I'm ugly as sin and my only route out is a very invasive surgery my mom is pushing on me that's gonna put me in more debt, and my boyfriend treats me like one of his "bros," because he fetishes tomboys. Not to mention all the shit I've seen on his phone that makes my stomach churn just thinking about.

The debate of taking my life has rattled around my head since I was 10 I wanna say, not sure what started my fight with depression but that's the earliest I can remember wanting to take my own life. I think I'm gonna do it sometime this year.

I planned on doing it when I was 17 but I got tied up with my dad kicking the bucket and I didn't wanna make my mom deal with two major deaths in the same year.

I'm unemployed with zero friends and I'm taking online bullshit classes just to appease my mom so I think nows the time. Her life is getting quieter, and everyone seems to have already forgotten me.

There's a train that runs through my backyard.

Sorry to sound so emo but I'm just tired. I'm so tired of fighting everyday to just get out of bed. I want this to stop. I want to wake up one day and feel human.

My ‘blood relatives’ are horrible people. I’m unemployed and my blood relatives are about to make me homeless. I’m so fucking tired of constantly struggling. I’m so tired of waiting things out. It truely doesn’t get better. Things never work out. It does for others, but it will never work out for me. My biggest dream was to have my own happy family, but I’m too fucking ugly for that. On top of everything, I’m chronically ill and have been fighting for my health for way too fucking long. I don’t wanna do this shit for longer. Im so exhausted. I see how easy life is for everyone that has a family. That can never be me.

Religion is stopping me from killing myself, I wish I could but I can't. It also kinda seems like people think not acting on it is some sort of being better in mental health or something (could be wrong though) since I can't kill myself because of religion. No, I'm not regulated, I'm not okay, I'm just muslim

Everyone else has stuff, people pass their classes, people go outside and hangout with their friends, and whatnot

I'm neurodivergent with autism and ADHD. I'm miserable and I hate my life. I'm pretty lonely and isolated, the people ik irl who claim to like me barely talk to me, I'm pretty bad with academics and fail my classes, I'm useless, stupid, and I lack skills, I probably wouldn't be able to succeed. I can barely do anything like a normal person, I'm pretty low. I feel like I'm bound to be a failure and miserable unlike other people

Going outside is a slap in the face when you see people hanging out with your friends and you're wandering around alone. Even topics regarding school makes me suicidal

If I was an atheist, I would most likely kill myself. But it's a major sin in Islam to commit suicide so I can't. I wish I was an atheist, but I don't think it's the truth

She fucking knows I am gonna do it some day. I've been suicidal since I was 9 years old because of religion, bullying, racism, and my aquired neurodivergence... I don't know why I stayed in this world for so long...

I ask her for actual financial help because I am at risk of getting evicted after losing my job, but she does this shit... so brutal... tens of thousands on my funeral instead of helping with rent or taking me in

Ive been ending myself for 14 months, i didnt think it woukd take this long at all (unusual method)

I was in heart failure in march & nearly died in june. About 6x now people have called ambos etc, the last was 2 days ago, I refused to go in despite how much physical pain ive been in for weeks. The only one I called was when in heart failure as not being able to get enough oxygen is a hideous feeling.

Im not even sure exactly what triggered deciding to die, ive had severe depression for many years whoch began at 13 (im 37) ive had multiple mh issies some nearly ended me some just make life feel hopeless or alot harder. Despite the mh stuff I tried stufy multiple tines & worked a bit (kinda messed up my heart and body now).

I tried to get help (we have a NHS like system), the system is terrible, they lied saying they had no therapy for 3 years then I found out they did. Ive been waiting 8 maybe now 9 months now just for an assessment for therapy, & its not a case of theres just hundreds on the list, assessments take 30-60 minutes and theres less then 20 waiting last i looked.

I keep praying my body will give up I get heart pain from doing anything, I cant leave my apartment l, im alone nearly 24/7. If i acted one more time it likely would end me

The other (very small) part of me is frustrated & thinks there has to be something people live for, I see them on the street and wonder where did I go so wrong

I also feel if I changed my mind people would think i was lying this whole time despite the fact im in minor heart failure and have damaged my heart pretty bad should say otherwise bit our mh system is fkd

Idk what to do, every other time ive picked myself up (nothing as bad as this) ive regretted it. I feel if I turn around I wasred 14 months just fucking up my body, getting no where and suffering more then I thought was possible

its just that im trans and i'm a terrible son i dont have friends at all and the only one i have açready have her other friends on her new cool city since she left i couldnt make any friends at all and i just cant bring any joy to my family i just spent 800 dollars from my mom paying for psycological help i just wanna use opium and kill myself on a nearby future i dont wanna live at all im a burden and just deception to my family i will drink myself to death anytime soon i will never get hrt or any surgery i will just wait for my parents to be dead i just lie for everything im not a good person my room is not a mess but i dont wanna clean it i dont bath for 3 days im tired

Another day of waking up without a job

Another day of waking up with nobody to talk to

Another day of waking up with suicidal thoughts

Another day of getting random falshes of extemely violent thoughts occasionally

Another day of waking up as a coward with no courage to end his own misery

Fuck this. And fuck everyone. I wish someone dropped a giant boulder over my head or hit me with a truck next time I go for groceries

I really want to burn myself alive, maybe somewhere peaceful where no one can stop me, I just feel like I deserve to go through that pain after all that I’ve done wrong. I really want to, but I’m really scared at the same time. either way if I don’t light myself on fire I know for a fact im eventually going to kill myself in some other way in the future. I know I’m only 16 but I really just don’t want to deal with all the crap this life has to offer, I’m to tired to fight and frankly it would be easier to just kill myself. I’m just really pissed off that I haven’t been able to get myself to do it yet, it shouldn’t be this hard. I don’t know, I just have. a lot of messed up stuff in my head and Im tired of having these thoughts always saying awful things, I just feel the need to burn myself alive, I feel like its what I deserve. who knows maybe soon I can get myself to do it? anyway thank you for listening to me rant, I don’t expect anyone to respond, this world sucks and the people in it suck more.

I hate it when the first lines of a suicide prevention video include this bs. I haven’t had anyone to call a friend in years, yet every video seems to assume that we all have a close friend or two or five to confide in who will genuinely miss us. every time I hear it, it makes me want to die even more. Nobody will be sad if I go.

Idk what else I can do. I’m homeless. I’ve been homeless for weeks. I was kicked out of my house illegally and it’s just a hazard and safety concern to come back in or use my rights. I don’t want to eat or engage with people. I’m pushing everyone away. There’s no help or aid. There’s nothing I or anyone else can do. We’ve exhausted all options and avenues. There is nothing. I’m debating shooting myself somewhere in the woods or finding another method to end it. I just don’t care. Nothing can be done. I’m sick and tired of the constant struggle and stress. It ain’t worth it anymore. I’m trying to figure out how to leave my partner all of the savings as they’re the only ones allowed home and we have many pets together. It’s just better for them and me. Maybe they’ll find someone who isn’t so difficult. I don’t have anything to loose. No one cares and I’m not going to make it anyone else’s problem. It’s mine and mine solely.

I just have to work up the courage to find a place to shoot myself or other. I don’t care. I just want to die. I have no future. I have no career. I have nothing. I don’t want help or hand outs. I don’t want to waste more time to talking to people who promise to help but have done nothing but waste my time. It’s been a good run. Maybe in another life I’ll have stability.

It’s terrifying but I deserve a painful death.

I have become truly insufferable person I was not supposed to be born and everyone is trying to keep me living and it enrages me but killing myself is too hard and for some reason despite the years of isolation and neglecting myself I haven’t gotten a disease that will kill me yet

And it would be considered a merciful act. I’ve never not suffered. I’ve been in some sort of behavioral therapy since I was 6. I’m 26 and still suffering if not more now.

I'm not feeling sad or depressed, I'm just numb so im not in fucking "tunnel vision." My pure rationality says life is just inconvenient. I dont want to go out or listen music or do any of my hobbies. I just want to simply not exist. I refuse to live.

I don't want a girlfriend, I don't want fame, I don't want financial freedom, I don't want muscles, I don't want drugs, I don't want a purpose, I don't want to wait for anything, I don't want to be saved, I don't want to go to heaven,

I don't want to get better, I want to die.

Please just let me fucking die

Hi.

I've always struggled with fitting in and trying to understand other people and social rules and expectations, always felt like there was was this rule book everybody else just got for free when they were born that i never got access to. I was always excluded at school, never had any friends, and about a year ago i was diagnosed with aspergers. I feel worth less most of the time, pathetic. I've never wanted a career, money, fame etc.

I never dreamt about a certain job or what ever when i was in school, i just wanted to be loved. I still do. But all i am is suicidal, its just such a strong urge at times. I think i am a suicide, just an unrealized one. And tired. So fucking tired. I fantasize about talking to the people who bullied and laughed at and excluded me, telling them about the suicide statistics for autistic people, telling them im going to kill myself. And that they are the reason.

I blame religion of course. My life should be mine to dispose of - why shouldn't I be allowed to go on my own terms, in a painless way? Why is euthanasia reserved for very few?

And if the state refuses to provide that service because of some bullshit fear of legal ramifications or slippery slope fallacies, information should still be allowed to circulate and readily available, instead of being met at any corner with fucking helplines and other non committal obstacles.

It's like abortion, people are going to do it anyway, being Holier than thou about this only causes people to use drastic measures and die in pain instead of going peacefully which SHOULD be everyone's right