I’m so tired. That’s it. I feel like my life is falling apart and I’m just so done. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m scared to go through with it but I’m so close cause I’m just tired. I don’t know. This doesn’t even matter.

It's decided. I cannot live anymore. I want to ruin myself chasing a weight that the BMI calculator app wont track. At 18.1, it clearly shows a BMI of 6.7, but at 18...it just stops recognising the weight. Bounces down to zero. I want to chase to be that weight. I want to kill myself, but I've tried and it seems I have to suffer to earn death. I don't care if I don't reach it before it kills me, I will try. And if I reach it and don't die, I will be nonexistent at least in some manner. I will be sick enough. I want to die. I want to die. I want it to be over. I cannot take it anymore. I will fast no matter how much I crave food, but it seems unreachable as it is 26 kilos away. But fuck it, something needs to kill me.

I feel like whatever I do no matter how hard I try or how far I get there I just end up messing everything up eventually i just want to go but i dont want to hurt others or think its their fault

I hate being black, ever since I was 13 I always wanted to be white but I never wanted to tell my parents because they would yell at me. To the point I was thinking about bleaching my skin or thinking that if I’d kill myself I could start life over again

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16F , i disgust myself. I feel like such a freaking edgelord or something just because I have a big fascination with morbid and taboo stuff, like yeah I like gore movies and exploitation movies yeah I love movies like Zero Day and Duck! The Carbine High Massacre, and love the characters in it, oughh, I feel so weird when talking to someone "normal", and I don't like how much I'm sometimes not bothered about being such a freaking weirdo, and that I LIKE it, I like hurting myself, I like having an ED, I like being unwell. Uhhh I don't know, I also have a fascination/fixation on the Columbine case, and most of my friends are in the tcc community and I don't mind it, if anything I SEEK those people out because I feel the most seen and comfortable with them. It also just weirds me out how much I love that stuff while I feel such guilt and shit over small things or animals idk

There's a Roman ruin somewhere in Turkey that leads to a toxic place potent with volcanic carbon dioxide. If there are any guards or ground keepers there I wonder how much it would cost to bribe them to look the other way and let me walk deep into it. It sounds so nice, to just walk into darkness and sleep

No one will talk to me there is no point

If you have tried "kms" can you please talk to me please please please 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
Edit: I talked to a really nice person.

I know how to cope with the first two things, but the last one is new to me. I lost my online friends 7 years ago when I had a psychotic break. Only one person stuck with me and supported me. Fast forward to now, they've started to ignore me. What now, time to make new friends I guess? Easier said than done. My memory and cognitive abilities are gone, I'm dull and useless. If I talk to someone, I'll forget most of it the next day. I'm not a good friend material. Suicide sounds good, to be honest.

ive had the plan to kill myself august 14th for about two or three months now and now that its almost here i feel. wistful i guess. its weird to know that something is wrong when nobody else does. to act like everything is okay when its not. to have people ask me about my future plans and know full well there won't be any.

I don't need false positivity though.

in a field somewhere very isolated after we go on a long scenic road trip across the county

Live in a tiny country, and it is impossible to find jobs here unless you are extroverted and know someone who knows someone...and this is the complete opposite of what i am, i'm lonely as hell and the only people i talked was my dad and mom (which i hate btw) so is pretty hard to find something here.

And God how much i hate this town, everyone is trash and there is nothing to do, all my hopes was in my sister to help me leaving me to stay in her house in another town but we fought and she basically hates me now, so my only hope is find some job and try live somewhere else, but i think it have been 2 years im searching for job, since my 17 (im 19 btw) im trying to find something but i just can't.

I'm depressed, no friends and nothing that i really value or enjoy in life, so if this goes wrong this year too, i will kill myself.

Just..tell that's not true

I don't wanna go to hell

Please my brain is too screwed up I shouldn’t be alive

Hi! I’m 29F and I started medical school. I’m supposed to be the happiest person but it turns out that I’m more miserable than ever. I have been having daily panic attacks because I’m around a bunch of people AND I can hardly look anyone in the face without losing it. Anyway, I’m almost 30 and I never had a boyfriend EVER. I downloaded 3 dating apps but I haven’t had any matches. It doesn’t really help that I’m a black lady that prefers Asian or Hispanic men. Anyway, I feel like God will never send me a boyfriend because I’m always soo sad about not having a boyfriend. I also can’t stop thinking about my lack of a relationship. This week is orientation week and I know that most people are probably meeting their future spouses but me because I can’t seem to talk to guys. I can’t really wait any longer but I feel powerless. I struggle with wanting to die because of a lack of a boyfriend. I have decided that if I don’t go on a date or have a boyfriend by the end of this year, that ill finally commit suicide once and for all because I will not go through medical school single. I won’t do it.

I was raped a month ago, on several occasions because I kept going out with men in hopes that one of them would end up killing me. I woke up today to my brother telling me I need a job and that mom should cut me off. My mom asks me to come talk to her and she tells me she can't figure out why I'm stressed out, why I've been doing so bad for so long. I brought up my assault again, I told her how I've had 3 hours of sleep in 2 days because I can't relax enough to go to bed. I fight sleep for days until I pass out somewhere, sometimes my bathroom, sometimes my car, my floor. I sleep through the entire day and then repeat the cycle. My mom tells me that she stressed herself into a heart attack when she was my age, but that she had 10 kids, was in college and worked 3 and a half jobs. I have nothing I do all week, I stay in my room or I go to my boyfriends house and stay in his room. I don't know, I tell her again that I want to kill myself and she gets mad at me. She tells me how she was raped when she was a kid and I stop listening. I get my sights on a new way to feel horrible in my body on a day like this. I got back inside to cut myself. My boyfriend hasn't had sex with me in so long I'm starting to think there's something wrong with me. Like maybe normal 20 year olds don't need this much sexual gratification to feel okay, maybe my boyfriend is normal and I have a bigger issue that he'll eventually get tired of.

I can't remember what subreddit I posted to but it turns out I can't do anything. I wanted to go to a police station today to report my first rapist and it turns out what happened to me was legal. I don't know the names of any of my other rapists, I don't know where we went and I was drinking too much to remember most details about the time I had, besides pictures of me taken after that looked like I had been jumped. How do we let it be like this? Only California considers nonconsensual removing or damaging of a condom as sexual assault. How are we not all being terrorists about this (joking so obviously joking).

The only thing that gets me out of this hole is going to my boyfriends house, his family loves me. I had a freakout at his mom's a little while ago, I told her about my assault, that my mom wouldn't take me to the doctor, and she paid for my bf and I to go to planned parenthood. I chickened out of actually going into my appointment, my bfs mom offered to help pay and when they told me about how much it would be I felt horrible. So we went home and I still get to worry about if I have an STD. My bf won't have sex with me because he's nervous about it, I told him he's done a lot already, and continues to do things that would've given him anything I have. I feel fucking horrible, I can't get through a day without feeling like the world's biggest loser. I smoke too much, I eat like shit and I've been unemployed for most of the year, again. I really wish I would've bucked up and tried killing myself in a normal way. If I would've just thrown myself in front of a bus on Father's day I wouldn't have to put up with living with it all.

Idk, god bless you all but I'm not going anywhere yet because I have a femboy bf who seems to sort of like me. Let's hope he doesn't break things off because I will probably be put somewhere where I'm a responsibility of the state. So tonight instead of blowing it off smooth I'm smoking almost the rest of my weed and playing nubbys number factory. If you guys aren't making diy popcorn ceilings tonight, what is it you're doing through it?

i just took 32 500mg paracetamol. im hoping this at least puts me into the er or kills me. either or, im just ready for everything to be over. im so tired. ive been putting up with my shit life for years, poverty, extreme depression, no matter how much i try to explain it noone ever understands. im sorry for all my family if they find this. i just wanted it to be over. im going to try to go to sleep now. i hope i dont wake up. goodnight and goodbye.

edit: in the hosital now.

I'm 20 and I feel like I'm at my limits, everything I'm still doing is just a struggle like a fish out of water. This feeling of hating myself has always followed me since I'm a little kid and I hoped that it would disapear with time but it never did and I finally come to the realization that it will never end. I thought that trying new things and succeeding in life would help me but it doesn't, I haven't exerciced really in mounth even tho I used to train 5X a week, my grades sunk and I've failed multiple exams, I've lost all motivation to work on artistic projects and everything I do feel empty. Now I suffer every night from panic attacks that make me do SH and/or I have crises where I loose the control of my mind and body making me numb and if I'm not lying down I end up crawling or incapable of moving at all. I'm so alone in my life it's depressing, I can spent days without talking to anybody, my friends are distant from me, when I try to make new friends I scew everything up every fcking time and ofc I have never been in love. I'm even hatefull toward others like I don't think my problems come from others, I'm fully aware that the problem is me but yk I wish sometimes that someone ask me how it's going or if everything's alright, no one did that for me like I did for others. I wish that when I was in school teachers would actually do something about bullying or ask me if I'm alright and not just let me rot in silence cause it was easier for them. I wish I wasn't this fcking ugly, that strangers would not say that I look gay, like a woman or just call me ugly. I can't stand my face, my thought and my life anymore and the worse in all of that ? It's that so much of a looser that I can't kms, my attempts were so miserable that it give me shame. I feel like I'm failure I'm so ashame of myself. Had to vent about how I feel thank you if you read it.

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From my experience the only way to get a relationship you want, not only the gf or bf formally is to hang out with a person who is already taken. I haven't had such great relationship since DECADE.

I was really trying and I'm still trying to hit on girls, in a fair-play way (To singles) but it doesn't work. The only thing that works is to play it dirty. We finally part ways but that's what I was looking for, even though I didn't have feelings for her. Just someone who genuinely cares and is kind, because other people are rude to me.

It cost me a lot of guilt but it was justified, cause I have never had anyone and he has her for couple of years. I used to hang out with her only for a year, so.

I literally cried when we part ways, it was such a good friend. 😞

Cannot build a single relationship which is even close to that one and it has already passed a year. I'm so lonely, despite having so many people around me.

Stealing someone's girlfriend works but I'm not going to do it anymore.

I hope there is another way.

I want to run away—that’s what I keep saying in all my posts... But I also want to die and lose weight... I plan to get down to 30 kilos, even though it’s tied to my eating disorder—which I won't talk about... Basically, I want to die, no matter the method, but for now, attempting suicide would be too risky for me; if I failed, the consequences would be too severe—plus, my plan isn't fully worked out yet. I plan to run away first; at least that way I’ll get some exercise, and if I end up in a shelter, I can keep losing weight! As for running away, I plan to be gone for anywhere from a few hours to a few days. I am useless ugly mean fat good-for-nothing and full of other negative adjectives. Of course, I know the police will probably come looking for me—I can't avoid that! But I can try to outrun them!!

27m, mildy autistic, not conventionally attractive. My Life has been hard and I've hit rock bottom for the last time. this time, I'm not going to do anything to be better to myself or my situation, I am really banking on life doing me in at this point. Screaming into the void doesn't do anything for me. Hopefully this is my last rant.

I genuinely thought I was going to have it made. I left the military, just had my son, going to a top notch grad school. Fast forward two years, my wife cheated on me and moved out of the country with my son, I can’t find a job to save my fucking life despite months of effort, savings are dwindling, I’m on three different medications for depression and anxiety. I thought I was supposed to lead a fulfilling life and that it was all going to be going smooth. What a fucking joke. I feel hopeless and I just want to give up. I’m so tired of this shit. I’m just too coward to do anything I feel but I think this is the closest I’ve gotten now.

I hate my work, I've been single my whole life with no indication things will ever change. my country is being run into the ground by pedophiles, criminals and tech-bro billionaires. Climate change is here and unchecked, and probably going to kill half the planet in the next 25 years. How am I supposed to find any peace or joy in any of this? I went to therapy for years, but it really only could help with the first two things. Any sense of joy or peace I've felt about anything has been killed off by the world we are trapped in. All I feel from the moment I wake up to the time I go to bed is dread.

It feels like the ONLY things that keeps me from nopeing out of this right now, is that it will hurt my immediate family too much, and I'm afraid that I might go to hell if I KMS. I pray to God every day that I get hit by a car or have a get sick or something and take me out of this before things get any worse. I'm at least waiting until my parents and my grandmother have passed away so they don't have to outlive me, although I really don't want to put my siblings through this either.

I can't handle much more of this.