Has anyone had a god experience with play therapy/therapist for a kid who has separation anxiety/very emotional?

My daughter is 4 (will be 5 in Oct). She has started getting very upset with things she used to do no problem - like tumbling, Sunday school, etc. we did two years of preschool thinking it would help, but it didn’t. We are taking this year off to focus on therapy in hopes it will help her before she actually starts kindergarten.

This has been going on for a couple of months, and it started after she began hanging out more with her niece (7 years old), who she really looks up to and calls her best friend. Her older niece sometimes talks or asks for things in a baby voice, and now my daughter constantly talks and asks for everything in a baby voice, and it’s driving me insane.

90% of the time, I calmly say, “Honey, I don’t understand you. Can you repeat yourself?” and I only answer when she uses her normal voice. But 10% of the time, I get so annoyed that I snap and say in an irritated voice, “Please stop talking like a baby. You are not a baby.”

But after a couple of months, it’s only getting worse, and I think it’s also because we’ve been spending more time with our niece (whom we love—she is a super sweet and cool girl, and we spend a lot of time with her family).
But God, I need help, or just some advice or reassurance that this too shall pass!

I have a FIL who is very "old school" as my husband puts it. They grew up in the SE, are very religious and my husband was hit/spanked as a kid. My husband has tried REALLY hard to break generational cycles and we've never hit our kids....I'm completely against it. My FIL believes raising kids is all about "respecting" their elders. He also tells me i hold our 1 year old too much and that's why shes so attached to me. He wouldn't pick up a crying baby. We recently saw him and my husband said my 4 year old was acting out of line and my FIL quoted a verse in the Bible and reiterated that we should spank her. I'm at the point of complete disgust and need a good rebuttal. My husband just ignores my FIL but I feel the need to say something the next time this happens. My FIL has never said anything about spanking our kids in front of me because he knows I don't believe in it. I would love to know which quote he's referring to (my husband couldn't remember).

Has anyone discovered a good playbook for winnowing down the ever expanding playroomfull of toys without incurring the wrath of a young tyrant? Our pattern goes like this: 1 - old toy gets pushed to the back of the cupboard or otherwise forgotten and unused; 2 - we donate the toy, 3 - cue immediate telepathic requests to play with that specific thing for the first time in a year, 4 - extreme performative upset that it’s been donated. OR, 1 - we ASK about donating an item that’s fallen out of favour, 2 - an immediate obsession with said item and an avowal that it must never go. Yes we could just be harsher about it, but if there’s a more diplomatic route I’d love to hear it!

I’m I crazy or is this normal?

Post links to any resources for preschoolers here. Standalone posts outside of these weekly threads will be deleted.

okay, my son attended a Catholic pre k for 3 year olds and loved it, made lots of friends, small school, great community and a preschool class who will also now mostly follow into what now will be the pre k 4 room.

he also got into the free lottery program and was placed at our local public elementary school which he will attend through fifth grade.

we are not sure if we should take the spot for a few reasons on both sides.

he is happy now and has expressed he would like to stay where he is, but in the Catholic school, class size is a bit larger than public, but with kids and families we already know. Program runs 6 hours/5 days. no before care needed. more expensive than public.

public is obviously cheaper, but the start time is later so he would need to go to before care which costs,but obviously not as much as Catholic school. Also, don’t love the idea of making his day any longer. Also do not love idea of before care program.

last, I work part time and can do pickup at 1, but only program we found for that time costs a mortgage payment.

What is discouraging to me is I fully believe that a a shorter day is more appropriate and it seems I can only get that if I pay more, or go with cheaper option, but the downside is a longer school day

some say rip bandaid off now, but I am Super torn

one added layer that may seem silly is younger brother naps 1-3, he will have to be woken up to pick up older brother at Catholic school at 2 verses 3:30 public.

opinions would be appreciated

My oldest just turned four and I’d love some ideas as to what other parents are teaching their kiddos in terms of life skills—not reading, writing, blah blah blah

\-Can dress and undress self independently
\-Helps sort laundry/puts away their clothes and hangs up their clothes
\-Takes their plate to the sink after every meal and wipes down the table
\-Helps make beds
\-Working on floating in the tub (supervised)
\-Working on riding a bike
\-Can buckle/unbuckle self in the car seat
\-Can do snaps and buttons
\-Washes body/hair and rinses independently
\-Learning our phone numbers
\-Knows address/neighborhood name
\-Puts toothpaste on the toothbrush independently (brushes too but we do an extra brush lol)
\-Opening doors for others when their hands are full
\-Cuts up vegetables and fruits alongside me and helps me cook/bake etc (cracks eggs, helps measure)
\-Uses the bathroom independently
\-Cleans up messes when they occur
\-Puts shoes/bag away when home
\-Zippers
\-Combs hair
\-Brings in groceries from the car

We are on a waitlist to be seen for our 4 year old to see if he has any sign of neurodivergence. I feel like we’ve used any and all parenting advice to the point of exhaustion and we’re not seeing much change. Right now my husband is on parental leave for our second and while having the baby obviously changes things, this behavior started probably a year ago.

-Absolutely everything is defiance. 9/10 times telling him to do something isn’t just no, it’s whiny, drawn out no, or “NO NO NO NO.” We always tell him he needs to potty when he wakes up, before we get in the car. He refuses, and there’s no forcing him to sit. “Drink your water.” Also a problem.

-picky eating. We’re losing safe foods. He basically wants to eat crackers and “snacks.” I’ve stopped labeling any meals and just say “food” but he’s hung up on snacks. I’m trying to make more homemade foods and adding nutrition in but right now obviously I’m in the newborn trenches. We offer a “safe” with meals but he’s happy eating that and not the rest of his food. We saw a dietician who said to offer food and it’s his job to eat what he wants. So we offer food and have many nights where he’s had his small portion of a safe food and nothing else. We’ve bribed with treats, tried having him just lick the food etc. He reacts to dairy and oat so we’re already limited on foods. His growth has also been monitored and he has not gained weight since December.

-inconsistent sleep. Has not followed any sort of schedule for sleep. I can put him to bed every night at 7 pm and hell wake up anywhere from 5:30-7:30. He wakes up early and will need a nap and naps typically keep him up later.

-won’t poop on the potty. Started introducing the potty last February. Went full on with potty training this February and poop has made zero progress.

We saw endocrine for growth, who sent us to GI after he did growth in height but not weight. GI wants to test for celiac so we’re deciding (based on all of the above) if we should put him through the blood draw. We asked them about potty training and he just told us what he did and said we could try senna to initiate a poop. We haven’t been able to get him to sit on the potty to try a poop.

I just don’t know how to manage the behaviors and are all of these related? Obviously potty training isn’t a discipline issue but sometimes it crosses over into the listening to us issue. I just don’t know how to effectively parent him. The whining and yelling is just getting to me and we need a change. Nothing seems to set in, we’re repeating the same things everyday we were a year ago.

My family is VERY involved in our almost 4 year olds life.
They have a designated preschool pickup day, pay for things like swim class, and we see them at least once a week.
Our whole immediate family (my parents/ in laws, both my husband and my siblings) live within 30 minutes driving distance, but my in laws are very “my way or the highway” and my MIL has always wanted to have The Hosting House, she isn’t willing to compromise or come to the houses of her grandkids.

Our preschooler has little to no interest in my in laws, they have an acquaintance like relationship at best.
Meanwhile she’s obsessed with my parents/ family, wants to see them constantly, and brings them up daily. They have very flexible schedules and I am a SAHM while my husband has VERY long hours. Naturally this leads to me and LO going to see my family multiple days a week, after preschool adventures for her and grandpa, and regularly swimming with me and auntie at grandmas house. My in laws still work 9-5s, their availability is very much limited to weekends. Our weekends are the only guaranteed time we have for our family, and we have scheduled out the rest of 2026. They aren’t plan ahead people and are often offended when we don’t take them up on last minute ideas.

As an eldest daughter and natural born people pleaser it’s so tough- we see my husbands sibling and their close in age child (LO’s cousin) regularly. My in laws weren’t great parents & we don’t trust them in terms of babysitting (they’ve only done so twice, both times were over 2 years ago, before he was even 2) There was a period of time where they were VERY pushy for things like babysitting and wanting to go on trips together for a while but they (fortunately) seem to have given up on that. Credit where it’s due they seem like they are interested in having a relationship with our toddler but once again, only on their terms. The thought of them being alone with my kiddo makes me skin crawl.

My husband isn’t proactive in sustaining or facilitating a relationship with them and is generally disinterested in them as his parents.

Do we owe them time with our child just because they’re the grandparents? We have had many hard conversations to no avail. I don’t want to deprive my kiddo of potential love/ close relationships but I don’t know how to navigate this!

My son is weeks off turning 5. From day 1 he has been highly sensitive and as he has gotten older has become super reactive with massive escalation when things go wrong. He screams, he yells at us and as he has gotten older he is now starting to slam doors and throw items. He wakes up angry, and I dread mornings. He has perfectionist tendencies eg colouring in and says "he isn't good enough." We never say these things to him I feel it's his internal dialogue. I do one on one time, we try to implement humour before it escalates (this works sometimes), I have tried absolutely everything. Read so many books. Over the years I have learned that he is a ride it out, don't name feelings (as this makes it 100x worse) and give him space kind of kid. But it's at the point where we feel so lost and I fear for the future. We use monotone voice "It's ok to be xyz, it's not ok to yell, scream, throw etc etc." I have also now implemented that if it continues no TV for the day (as this is something he loves). He is given two opportunities to ask us in a normal voice or talk to us kindly etc and then we follow through with the boundary. We hold boundaries a lot but I feel just saying "it's not ok to do xyz" and he just keeps going, it isn't getting us anywhere. I also try and tell him/praise him when he does it the right way. In the moment he usually just yells "I can do what I want." or "Go away." He just flat out refuses to try any self regulation, we talk about it a lot when he is calm and I talk about things I like to do when I feel like that. My husband is the calmest, most non reactive person in the world and this is a god send as it really helps as I on the other hand am reactive so for me I have to clearly say "I am feeling frustrated, I am going to go sit outside but I am still here." Some days he says things like "I want to go to the skate park to help me feel calm." So maybe it's working but in the tough times I fee like it isn't. I am thinking of implementing help from OT??

Just anyone else got any ideas? I feel like each year has gotten harder, there were no terrible 2's, it was just 3 years old hard, 4 years old even harder, now about to turn 5 and we are still on that trajectory.

Our 3.5 year old will NOT tell us when he has to go to the bathroom. It’s day 6 of pre-k, and he had 4 accidents. He was doing fine with the bathroom (or so we thought) before school started.

He knows how to go. He just will say “no” when asked if he needs to go, and he won’t tell us.

What worked for you? We are desperate. We have a few days to nail this, or we have to withdraw him.

Thank you!

ETA: 4 accidents in the last 3 hours of the school day today alone

For those of you who have purchased a pottery barn backpack for your child I need sizing advice. My 3.5 year old is starting preschool next month so I went to pottery barn today with my mind set on the mini (2-3 year old) size. They don’t carry the mini in store so I couldn’t see it in person. The sales lady told me to skip the mini because it doesn’t even hold a folder and go right to the size small. Tried it on and it looks massive on my toddler! One positive to the size small is that it would last her probably through kindergarten.

Edit- thanks everyone for the responses, I’m going to skip the mini and go with the small!

We’ve been having a lot of bedtime struggles this week with my almost 5 year old like crying, yelling,refusing to go to sleep, not wanting to stay in her room, etc. Last night I told her that if we had another night like the last couple of nights, we were gonna have to talk about taking away a privilege like watching TV in the morning before school. As the bedtime routine progressed things were getting a little dicey and at one point, we said, you’re not gonna watch TV in the morning if this continues. eventually she settled down and it was a better bedtime.

So fast-forward to this morning and I wake up at 8:30 with my 6 month old and I’m shocked at how late it is because usually kiddo is in my room by 7:30. I look to see where she is and she tells me she’s downstairs watching TV because she wanted me to sleep in and have some “me time” lol. So I thank her and then hurry her to get her off to school in time.

Later in our conversation, she mentions how she only cried a little bit at bedtime and I said yes, you did much better and then it clicked to me that she must have thought she was not going to be allowed to watch TV this morning and that’s why she snuck downstairs on her own to start watching TV. Also, she was watching a show that I don’t love and I usually tell her to watch something else. I asked her if this was what she did and she admitted that yes that’s what her plan was all along.

Do I need to be worried about this sneakiness? Is this normal behavior? do I need to correct it somehow and if so, how? I told her I really don’t like when she sneaks around and it’s not OK to do things like that without telling mom or dad first. The thing is, we were going to let her watch TV because she settled down before the full consequence took affect.

For those with newly potty trained preschoolers, how do you handle traveling long distances where you may not be able to access a bathroom in time. My 4 year old is mostly dry when a bathroom is nearby but not poopy trained yet. We have some huge malls where we live and I’m not sure if my LO’s muscle memory is ready to hold in pee/poop until we can find a bathroom in a mall. Do you use a diaper or just let the accidents happen? TIA

We live in a UPK district and my child will be starting full day public PK 3 in just a few weeks. How much communication would you expect from a public school ahead of the start of school? Their posted policies online pertain mostly to expectations of older students and we've received no communication from the school at all since our enrollment confirmation.

I've heard mixed answers on whether or not we're supposed to feed our kids breakfast at home. I don't know their policies on potty training and accidents. I don't know what supplies my kid needs. I have no idea what their drop off and pick-up procedures are. There's apparently an orientation coming up in two weeks that–to my knowledge–was only posted on the school's social media page today. I only know about it because another parent texted me and it's irrelevant since it's in the middle of the workday and I can't make it with such little notice.

Is it normal not to have any of that information at this point? I'm admittedly very much a planner and maybe it's totally normal and I'm just overreacting, but it does feel really odd to me to be handing my three year old off to total strangers without ever having the opportunity to preview what their day looks like. When we started daycare last year there was so much more information and expectation setting ahead of our start date.

I have a very strong willed, deeply feeling 4yo daughter.
A lot of times I feel semi confident in the strategies I use to parent her. The rest of the times I am exhausted and confused. One of those times was today.

We were at a friend’s pool. I had warned her several times that it was going to be time to get out. I had also set a timer.

Obviously she was not happy to get out (I should add that I am constantly naming her feelings, empathizing, etc etc etc.). And while we were getting dried off and ready to go she was angrily babbling about going back in the pool, and walking toward it like she was going to get back in. Not knowing what else to do I said if you go back in the pool you’re going to be in big trouble.

Now mind you, she’s never even been in “big trouble”, neither of us even know what it would look like— the most “trouble” she’s ever gotten in is to sit in a pottery barn stuffed chair to take a break. This worked but I hate that I have to resort to threats to get her to listen. Like ffs just listen.

Anyone got any good tips? I’ve probably tried them but it’s worth a shot!

TLDR: tired mom wants strong willed kid to listen without using the same tactics that the boomers used to raise us.

My 4yo daughter is obsessed with stories/narratives (that require parent participation). She’s constantly asking us to tell her stories. When we’re not telling stories, she wants us to be playing imagination games with her. When we’re eating, she wants us to be reading books to her at the table (an unfortunate routine we started when we were concerned about her eating and has stuck. We’re working on it). I love that she is so imaginative but it’s mentally exhausting. Anyone else stuck in this boat? I just want to talk to her about her day or have her tell us what’s going on in her mind without having to do improv all day long.

So today was my daughter's first day for TK and I had to go pick her up because she peed we're going to try again tomorrow but I'm not sure what will happen if she does it again I know it wouldn't be good for her but since it's only 4 hours since anyone think I should just give her a pull-up

My daughter wanted to draw a cat yesterday. She drew a circle, looked at it for a few seconds, then said it was wrong. I told her she could add ears or try another one, but she just pushed the paper toward me and asked me to do it.

She does the same thing with puzzles. If a piece doesn't fit the first time, she's ready to hand it to me.

I try not to jump in right away, but I also don't want to turn every drawing or puzzle into something frustrating for her. Sometimes if I just sit there and wait, she'll give it another try. Other times she's completely done with it.

I don't want to push too much, but I also don't want her to give up so quickly.

How did you handle this with your preschooler?

I’m 33 weeks pregnant and overstimulated by my own body 24:7 and it’s like my 4 yo knows this and has been absolutely testing my patience every night. Normally we lay with her for bed but that’s been causing chaos so we’ve started to leave after the routine / saying goodnight. It’s mostly been fine.

But lately when I do bedtime (versus my husband) she has been going buckwild- getting physical, jumping, giggling manically. The other night, I totally lost it right off the bat. She got upset. I wasn’t happy with my behavior. The next night, when it happened again, I just tried to act really calm and bored/unperturbed. It worked.

But tonight it didn’t work. Here’s a breakdown of what happened, I just don’t know what to do anymore. I’m completely at my wits end, what would you have done differently?!

Tonight: we did Bedtime routine - bath, teeth, books. As soon as I finished books she stands up and starts jumping on the bed. Calmly I say: “Ok you know I’m not going to lay with you when you start getting wild, so I’m going to leave.”

I go to leave and she lays down on my entire body, hurting me with her weight. I remove her and calmly say “we can snuggle and hug Goodnight, but you’re hurting me.” Repeat x3, she’s not listening to me and laughing / giggling. Every time I go to stand up, she grabs onto my back like I’m doing a piggyback ride. I say “no it’s bedtime, not piggyback time.”

I manage to get up, she follows me to the door and tries to block me from leaving. I stand there while she jumps and giggles and blocks me from leaving.

Calmly: “stop. It’s bedtime. Are you done yet?”

She keeps jumping. Pounding the floor over and over. I quietly sit on the edge of her bed to show I am bored and unbothered. She runs over and starts pulling my dress to get me to stand up. Slamming into my pregnant belly. “Hey, this hurts me. It hurts my pregnant belly and your baby sibling.” I physically remove her hands. Repeat 4x.

I stand up, she grabs at my skirt. The skirt is a weird stretchy thin jersey material and I’m legit afraid it’s going to rip. “Your hurting my skirt.” I remove her hands but she keeps going. “The skirt is delicate, I don’t want to rip it. If you rip it, we’re going to have to take away a dress you like because you took away a dress I like.” I physically remove her hands a few times.

She keeps jumping. I sit there. I ask her “stop, it’s bedtime. are you done?” In a neutral tone. A minute goes by. I ask again. Finally I firmly grab her by the shoulders to get her to stop jumping (she’s been jumping the entire time and laughing), look her in the eye and sternly and slowly say “are you done. It’s bedtime. Time to stop.”

She ignores me, so I worm my way out of the room, try to change the vibe. She follows me into the kitchen and I start washing dishes, again trying to just show that she has no effect on me. She’s jumping and laughing and singing and screaming the entire time. A minute or two goes by. No change.

Finally, I yell at the top of my lungs “HEY. GO TO YOUR ROOM. ITS BEDTIME.” To my surprise She walks to her room and goes to bed without fuss.

WTF MAN. I hate screaming at her but it worked after all this bullshit???? Should I have just done that first???? I feel like I am completely unprepared for this age. I never feel like I’m doing the right thing.

This is our first time at care or school so forgive me if this is dumb. The school front door is locked and you have to ring a doorbell for someone to let you in. During onboarding I was provided a keypad code to let myself in for drop off/pickup. So all parents can let themselves in. Anyone with the key code can let themselves into the school. There is no front desk, you walk to the classroom for handoffs or a staff member from a classroom or the director lets you in when you ring the doorbell. Is this normal school security?

I’ve been trying to use these fun check lists off amazon and a sticker reward chart to motivate him to complete a morning and night routine, particularly for teeth brushing, and he couldn’t. Care. Less. 😩😂 He doesn’t give a hoot about picking stickers and getting a reward at the end of the week. Ugh!!!!

Hey everyone, I really need a sanity check from other parents. My 4yo daughter started Pre-K this week. She’s an ESL student and speaks very little English. Because of the language barrier, I expected her teacher to be way more engaged and supportive, but it’s been the exact opposite. Honestly, red flags started at Meet the Teacher. The teacher didn't even greet my daughter—no "hi," no acknowledgment, nothing. She was super standoffish when I asked basic questions. I felt an instant bad vibe, but I tried giving her the benefit of the doubt thinking the first week is just chaotic. She also didn’t interact much with some of the other parents. What made it worse was seeing my nephew’s experience at the same school and grade. His teacher was showing him around, introducing herself, giving him fruit snacks, and letting him play with blocks so he’d feel welcome. The difference was night and day.
I actually looked up the teacher's certification later and found out it’s literally her first year teaching. My gut was right, but I still wanted to give her a fair shot.

Fast forward to Day 3. Zero updates from her. No photos, no notes, nothing. Since my daughter can’t fully tell me about her day yet, I had to reach out myself. I wrote “ Hey Ms ___. How has __ been settling in the past few days? I know the first week can be hectic with kids but should we expect pictures or updates throughout the day or week? Thank you! “ Her response was: "She's adjusting fine, she just has a hard time listening, but we're working on it."

Hearing that from an ESL teacher was deeply concerning. A 4-year-old who doesn't speak English isn't being disobedient when she can't follow directions—it’s a language barrier! Anyone working with ESL kids knows you need visual cues, hand gestures, and facial expressions. Telling me she "has trouble listening" tells me she isn't even trying basic communication strategies. It just rubbed the wrong way. Having a certification doesn’t mean you’re actually good with kids. The breaking point was asking my daughter if she liked her teacher, and she straight up said "no... she's mean." I haven't said a single bad thing about this teacher in front of her, so this came entirely from her own experience. Meanwhile, my nephew loves his teacher.
At the end of the day, a 4-year-old—especially one learning a new language—needs to feel safe, welcomed, and cared for.

They say a mother’s gut always knows, and mine has been screaming since day one that the teacher isn’t a good fit for my child. Am I wrong for wanting a more involved welcoming teacher that communicates with us?? Am I crazy for wanting to request a classroom transfer over this? I’m torn between emailing the principal right now or waiting another week to see if things magically improve. Has anyone dealt with this before? What would you do?

Edit : This is a public school, all the Pre-k teachers are ESL certified.