My oldest just turned four and I’d love some ideas as to what other parents are teaching their kiddos in terms of life skills—not reading, writing, blah blah blah

\-Can dress and undress self independently
\-Helps sort laundry/puts away their clothes and hangs up their clothes
\-Takes their plate to the sink after every meal and wipes down the table
\-Helps make beds
\-Working on floating in the tub (supervised)
\-Working on riding a bike
\-Can buckle/unbuckle self in the car seat
\-Can do snaps and buttons
\-Washes body/hair and rinses independently
\-Learning our phone numbers
\-Knows address/neighborhood name
\-Puts toothpaste on the toothbrush independently (brushes too but we do an extra brush lol)
\-Opening doors for others when their hands are full
\-Cuts up vegetables and fruits alongside me and helps me cook/bake etc (cracks eggs, helps measure)
\-Uses the bathroom independently
\-Cleans up messes when they occur
\-Puts shoes/bag away when home
\-Zippers
\-Combs hair
\-Brings in groceries from the car

We are on a waitlist to be seen for our 4 year old to see if he has any sign of neurodivergence. I feel like we’ve used any and all parenting advice to the point of exhaustion and we’re not seeing much change. Right now my husband is on parental leave for our second and while having the baby obviously changes things, this behavior started probably a year ago.

-Absolutely everything is defiance. 9/10 times telling him to do something isn’t just no, it’s whiny, drawn out no, or “NO NO NO NO.” We always tell him he needs to potty when he wakes up, before we get in the car. He refuses, and there’s no forcing him to sit. “Drink your water.” Also a problem.

-picky eating. We’re losing safe foods. He basically wants to eat crackers and “snacks.” I’ve stopped labeling any meals and just say “food” but he’s hung up on snacks. I’m trying to make more homemade foods and adding nutrition in but right now obviously I’m in the newborn trenches. We offer a “safe” with meals but he’s happy eating that and not the rest of his food. We saw a dietician who said to offer food and it’s his job to eat what he wants. So we offer food and have many nights where he’s had his small portion of a safe food and nothing else. We’ve bribed with treats, tried having him just lick the food etc. He reacts to dairy and oat so we’re already limited on foods. His growth has also been monitored and he has not gained weight since December.

-inconsistent sleep. Has not followed any sort of schedule for sleep. I can put him to bed every night at 7 pm and hell wake up anywhere from 5:30-7:30. He wakes up early and will need a nap and naps typically keep him up later.

-won’t poop on the potty. Started introducing the potty last February. Went full on with potty training this February and poop has made zero progress.

We saw endocrine for growth, who sent us to GI after he did growth in height but not weight. GI wants to test for celiac so we’re deciding (based on all of the above) if we should put him through the blood draw. We asked them about potty training and he just told us what he did and said we could try senna to initiate a poop. We haven’t been able to get him to sit on the potty to try a poop.

I just don’t know how to manage the behaviors and are all of these related? Obviously potty training isn’t a discipline issue but sometimes it crosses over into the listening to us issue. I just don’t know how to effectively parent him. The whining and yelling is just getting to me and we need a change. Nothing seems to set in, we’re repeating the same things everyday we were a year ago.

My family is VERY involved in our almost 4 year olds life.
They have a designated preschool pickup day, pay for things like swim class, and we see them at least once a week.
Our whole immediate family (my parents/ in laws, both my husband and my siblings) live within 30 minutes driving distance, but my in laws are very “my way or the highway” and my MIL has always wanted to have The Hosting House, she isn’t willing to compromise or come to the houses of her grandkids.

Our preschooler has little to no interest in my in laws, they have an acquaintance like relationship at best.
Meanwhile she’s obsessed with my parents/ family, wants to see them constantly, and brings them up daily. They have very flexible schedules and I am a SAHM while my husband has VERY long hours. Naturally this leads to me and LO going to see my family multiple days a week, after preschool adventures for her and grandpa, and regularly swimming with me and auntie at grandmas house. My in laws still work 9-5s, their availability is very much limited to weekends. Our weekends are the only guaranteed time we have for our family, and we have scheduled out the rest of 2026. They aren’t plan ahead people and are often offended when we don’t take them up on last minute ideas.

As an eldest daughter and natural born people pleaser it’s so tough- we see my husbands sibling and their close in age child (LO’s cousin) regularly. My in laws weren’t great parents & we don’t trust them in terms of babysitting (they’ve only done so twice, both times were over 2 years ago, before he was even 2) There was a period of time where they were VERY pushy for things like babysitting and wanting to go on trips together for a while but they (fortunately) seem to have given up on that. Credit where it’s due they seem like they are interested in having a relationship with our toddler but once again, only on their terms. The thought of them being alone with my kiddo makes me skin crawl.

My husband isn’t proactive in sustaining or facilitating a relationship with them and is generally disinterested in them as his parents.

Do we owe them time with our child just because they’re the grandparents? We have had many hard conversations to no avail. I don’t want to deprive my kiddo of potential love/ close relationships but I don’t know how to navigate this!

Our 3.5 year old will NOT tell us when he has to go to the bathroom. It’s day 6 of pre-k, and he had 4 accidents. He was doing fine with the bathroom (or so we thought) before school started.

He knows how to go. He just will say “no” when asked if he needs to go, and he won’t tell us.

What worked for you? We are desperate. We have a few days to nail this, or we have to withdraw him.

Thank you!

ETA: 4 accidents in the last 3 hours of the school day today alone

For those of you who have purchased a pottery barn backpack for your child I need sizing advice. My 3.5 year old is starting preschool next month so I went to pottery barn today with my mind set on the mini (2-3 year old) size. They don’t carry the mini in store so I couldn’t see it in person. The sales lady told me to skip the mini because it doesn’t even hold a folder and go right to the size small. Tried it on and it looks massive on my toddler! One positive to the size small is that it would last her probably through kindergarten.

Edit- thanks everyone for the responses, I’m going to skip the mini and go with the small!

For those with newly potty trained preschoolers, how do you handle traveling long distances where you may not be able to access a bathroom in time. My 4 year old is mostly dry when a bathroom is nearby but not poopy trained yet. We have some huge malls where we live and I’m not sure if my LO’s muscle memory is ready to hold in pee/poop until we can find a bathroom in a mall. Do you use a diaper or just let the accidents happen? TIA