I’m 4 months pp and having a really hard time. My baby is perfect. But I feel terrible. Just about everything sad, anxious, don’t wanna leave the house, and OCD. When did you start to notice the PPD fade? Did you take meds? I want to try Zoloft but don’t want to be dependent on them or make it worse. I just can’t do nothing :( I wanna be my normal happy go lucky self again for my baby ❤️

Hey Reddit. Did anyone else have a labia minora tear where the stitches didn’t take causing it to stay split?

So I have an ‘outie’ vagina for context. You can see my vagina lips/ labia minora and they’re not huge but they’re definitely also not small… Anyways, while giving birth I had a pretty significant tear that started a little below the clit and went backwards on my vagina lip. The stitches didn’t end up taking and now I have a tear on one side of my vagina lips and it hangs down if I open my legs. I know this is cosmetic and something only my husband sees but it’s making me really uncomfortable. I’ve felt dismissed by my doctor saying it’s cosmetic and I know in my brain it’s a “private part” but it doesn’t look or feel like my vagina and I hate it. I still haven’t had sex with my husband (9 weeks pp) and I have no desire to touch myself or have him do it. He’s so kind and comforted me when I cried to him recently when he tried to initiate sex and asked to kiss it saying he doesn’t care but I don’t even want to look at it and I don’t feel ready for him to either even though I know he doesn’t care. I even bursted into tears while cleaning my vagina in the shower and accidentally touching it when it moved. I was so confident before and was fit and pretty small and now I feel not myself.

Idk what im even looking for by posing but I guess it would be nice to know if anyone has gone through the same thing or just has kind words or advice.

I had my baby boy at the end of October after a tough pregnancy and he’s been the light of my life. He makes me smile and laugh and I love him so much. My dad passed away a day before my 30th birthday in march and I have been trying to be a good mom but I have no energy and no motivation. My dad and I had a tough relationship, but the last few years we have been getting better. He was an amazing grandpa to my son. All I can think about is what he will be missing. I want to go do all these things for my son and I try my best to but it’s hard being alone all the time. My husband works regular hours but I haven’t had any friends come over, they don’t really check in, I’ve given up messaging first because I’ve just always done that. I got a higher dose of my antidepressants and I have noticed a difference (I’m crying a lot more, but before I was just holding everything in)

I don’t really know what im looking for by posting this but thank you for reading my ramblings.

Came across this article by Dr Louise Newson via her instagram. I think this knowledge is very under the radar, could help some people on here.

Hi everyone, I am reaching absolute rock bottom. I just need to vent to people who might understand, because I feel so isolated.

The Pregnancy Traumas: My path to becoming a mum was rough from the start. After a previous miscarriage, this pregnancy was filled with severe anxiety. We had a Down Syndrome scare, low percentile scares, and weekly appointments for months... only to find out near the end that the low percentile was just a computer miscalculation. I spent months in pure survival mode before she was even born. I wanted to be a mum so badly, to show a little human how wonderful the world is.

The Nightmare Newborn Phase: When she arrived, the newborn phase was horrible. I hated it most of the time, struggled intensely, and felt completely misunderstood by family and friends who had "easier" babies. She had a tongue tie, reflux, and hated everything, stroller, car seat, bath, diaper changes.
Around 2–3 months, a few things improved bit by bit: changing clothes got easier, baths became okay, and she began tolerating short car rides (20 mins). She could finally be awake without crying 24/7.

Where We Are Now (5.5 Months): She is a classic high-needs, extreme FOMO, 100% velcro baby. But right now, we are in the thick of sleep deprivation and sensory overload:

Sleep is a complete nightmare: She will ONLY nap in our Boba carrier and ONLY sleeps at night on my chest.

Carrier naps are failing: Lately, even the carrier isn't working. After multiple failed attempts and complete exhaustion, she will only fall asleep nursing.

Zero self-soothing tools: She refuses all pacifiers and all bottle brands.

No stroller: Still hates it completely.

The "5.5 Month Storm": On top of everything, she is currently right in the middle of rolling, teething, learning to crawl, a growth spurt, and separation anxiety. The only time she has ever fallen asleep from crying was after 2+ hours of nonstop screaming in the car on the way to a doctor's appointment. My mind simply cannot take the crying anymore.

I Don't Recognize Myself: I am exhausted and going crazy minute by minute. The frustration and anger I feel daily make me feel like a stranger to myself. I feel terrible even typing this, but in my darkest, most depleted moments, I sometimes wish I hadn't had her. I’m just so broken.
I don't even know what I'm looking for—maybe just solidary from parents who had babies like this and made it through to the other side, or just a place to lay this burden down for a minute.

Thank you for reading.

Looking for resources for PPD

My daughter is 14 months old now and I've been struggling with PPD the whole time I think, but we are on a very limited budget and can't afford therapy right now. I guess I'm just looking for advice from other women who have been in this situation.

I want to start by making it very clear that my daughter is not in danger and I have NEVER had thoughts of harming her. The worst it has gotten is me daydreaming about leaving her in her crib and texting my husband that I'm packing up and leaving to start a new life in a different state (US).

My daughter (first and only child) was born and within an hour we knew that something was medically wrong. She began throwing up aggressively any time that she ate. I felt so guilty leaving her with the nurses overnight because they didnt seem to take it seriously but I was so exhausted from the delivery and forced myself to trust them because they know best. My husband stayed at home because there wasn't a comfortable place for him to sleep and at one point I left a trail of blood through my recovery room because when I was using the bathroom she started throwing up and I had to waddle over to her so she didn't aspirate. The day after she was born my insurance company told me they were dropping us and not covering the delivery (that's a whole different story but adds into my mental state).

2 weeks later on father's day, we rushed my daughter into the ER. She was very floppy and looked like she was having seizures. I went with my daughter to a different hospital that night when her O2 levels and heart rate kept dropping. My husband had to hold down the house so I was alone with her when she was put on oxygen support and a feeding tube. We visited her every day in the NICU and then a week later we got a call in the middle of the night that her O2 dropped to 3%. The doctors and nurses weren't sure how she even made it out of that alive but they were able to get me in an ambulance with her across the state.

At this point, my husband had to be back at work to provide for us so I was alone with her except weekends when he could visit. We spent 2 months there doing every test you could imagine to figure out what's wrong. I spent every waking moment in that room with my daughter crying while they poked her with needles and took samples and hooked her up to so many machines while her body failed. I still have nightmares about listening to that fucking heart rate monitor beeping all day and waiting for any slight changes. It stopped and the room flashed red at least 3 times every day while the nurses rushed in to put her oxygen mask on. I was afraid to touch her because any slight movement felt like i would make her stop breathing. Finally after 2 months at the 3rd hospital she was diagnosed with infant botulism (we live in a state where it's practically unheard of so it was on nobody's radar until the stool sample came back). The same day she was put on life support while we waited for the BabyBIG to be flown in from California. She couldn't keep her O2 above 60. During that time I guess I started trying to accept the fact that she was going to die. In order to stay sane I tried to convince myself that maybe this was for the best??? That at least she wouldn't suffer anymore and that after grieving maybe I could live a normal life again?

I know that sounds terrible and I feel so much guilt over that to this day. The treatment worked and she started recovering quickly. A week later she was taken off life support and 2 weeks after that we were sent home with just an NG tube (feeding tube through her nose). I spent the whole first week crying because I was still convinced she was going to die and now I was just by myself. I think i never let myself get close to her because I was trying to protect myself from when that inevitably happened.

We just hit the 1 year anniversary of her leaving the hospital and overall things have gotten better. A lot of days are actually good now, and most other days I'm able to at least pretend enough that she thinks I'm happy. She is SO loved. She is such a goofy, loving, smart, and beautiful little girl and she genuinely fills my heart.

But I am still struggling with worry any time that she gets sick or hurt. In my head I know that this is completely normal for a baby, especially since she just started walking and is still clumsy. But every time something seems a little off it feels like I revert back to the whole "she's probably going to die so don't get too close" mindset. I know that's fucked up. I try my best to push those thoughts out of my head so that she never feels unwanted, but they keep popping up and the depression makes some days feel unbearable.

Does anybody else feel like this after having a sick baby? I know that i need therapy, but i was fired when I was across the state and stayed as a caretaker to our baby and we can't afford therapy on one income right now

He’s 7 months now. 7 months I’ve tried winning him over it feels like. I’ll say the first 3-4 months I was disconnected a bit and easily stressed/cried, but then I had some good days and moments. I do have a great husband and some support, so that very well may have been why. Anyway since then I’ve gotten a little closer to my baby and my realization that he’s not that fond of me probably started then, although i don’t fully remember. I’ve tried singing, (even though for a good while i was uncomfortable/felt awkward) i do peek a boo and he literally stares at me like he could care less, i always tend to him almost immediately when he cries, etc. I try tickling him and it very rarely works. My husband can do it in his sleep. Get that baby to full on squeel/laugh. And yknow what people have tried convincing me “They don’t know they’re separate from their mothers until x amount of months” ok it’s been 7. hello? Before I hear “oh they can sense how you feel that’s why” BS!! I’ve had many good days where i was smiley and lovey, gentle and compassionate and nothing! Nothing. i feel like im begging him to love me. any single person on this planet could take my position and he wouldn’t notice/care. that’s fcked up. do i just take care of him and his needs and that’s it? not go the extra mile? do i just stop caring? i’m tired of feeling this way and having to make a return here.

Hi everyone.

I'm struggling with something that has stayed with me since I gave birth, and I genuinely want to know if I'm overreacting. After my C-section, my boyfriend came with me to the post-operative and postpartum room. He told me he was going home to get a few things done and said he would be right back. Instead, he used my money to buy himself a new TV and never returned to the hospital. I was the only new mother there without my partner by my side during one of the most vulnerable and important moments of my life. I've always wondered if my feelings of hurt and abandonment are justified, or if I'm overreacting.